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 OX
THE A**HOLE CLUB SERIES

BLUE SAFFIRE
 C O NT E NT S

Perceptive Illusions Publishing, Inc.

Words From Blue
Preface
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Chapter 33
Chapter 34
Chapter 35
Chapter 36
Chapter 37
Chapter 38
Chapter 39
Chapter 40
Chapter 41
Chapter 42
Chapter 43
Chapter 44
Chapter 45
Chapter 46
Chapter 47
Chapter 48
Chapter 49
Chapter 50
Chapter 51
Chapter 52
Chapter 53
Chapter 54
Epilogue
About the Author
Acknowledgments
Who Am I
The A**hole Club Series
Thank You
Other books by Blue Saffire
Coming Soon…
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Perceptive Illusions Publishing, Inc.
Ox
The A**hole Series
BLUE SAFFIRE
Perceptive Illusions Publishing
Bayshore, New York
Copyright © 2023 by Blue Saffire.

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Ox: The A**hole Series/ Blue Saffire. -- 1st ed.

Words From Blue
You can’t be something you’re not. Be honest, be you, be your own person. And if you have to steal
to be, you've already lost.

―BLUE SAFFIRE
Preface
Promises & Smoke

Anthony

Love. What the fuck is love? I don’t believe in it. Which is why I’m standing here on this cliff,
looking out over Bridge Lake and across Vander, questioning my sanity. I should be down there at the
race, watching my brother’s and cousin’s backs.
I wonder if they’d have love for me if they knew who I was. I snort to myself. Probably not.
Everyone I’ve ever loved has left me. My mother, my father, my best friend, and now Uncle Blake has
gotten himself locked up for some bullshit.
“Get over it and move on,” I mutter to the wind.
At twenty-one, I want to take a chance on people. I don’t want to spend my life being jaded. I
guess that’s why I’m standing here waiting for her. We’re so different but the same. She had me from
hello.
She’s been my secret for a year now. I’m almost afraid to share her with anyone else. We were
just together this afternoon, but I still can’t help this sick feeling in my stomach as I wait for her to
show up.
It’s the same feeling every time. Thinking she’s not going to show, I feel like I can’t breathe. I
don’t want to feel like this, but after Mom, Dad, Will, and now Uncle Blake, I’ve become accustomed
to the ache that comes when they don’t return.
I know my parents didn’t leave me intentionally. They were murdered, taken from this life, taken
from me. However, being so young when I lost them, I’ve never separated the logic between the
difference of loss and death. I can’t shake feeling abandoned.
Uncle Blake promised he’d be home, but he hasn’t gotten out yet. I was once used to being alone.
Then I found her, and everything changed. She showed up when my world was crumbling and I had no
one at all.
I smile as the sound of a motorbike pulling up drags me from my thoughts. I turn away from staring
at Vander City and lay eyes on the one person I’ve allowed my guard down for.
She runs into my arms and wraps around me. My stomach settles and I squeeze her in my embrace.
She palms my face and kisses me as I hold her to me.
I love this girl so much. She’s the world to me. All I have and all I want.
“Hi to you too, Ant.”
“Hey, baby, what took so long?”
“I had to make sure I had someone to cover me for the night,” she says with a smile.
“Meaning you didn’t tell your dad.”
I don’t know why that bothers me so much. It’s not like I’ve told anyone, but I understand why I
haven’t. It rubs me raw that she’s choosing not to say a word to anyone.
“Babe, it’s our wedding night. I don’t want to fight on my first night as Mrs. Knight. Besides, I got
Jenny to cover for me.”
 “What about Shawn and Ven? Did you at least tell your cousins about us?”
She pulls a face. “I haven’t been able to get in touch with Ven all day. We keep missing each other.
Shawn was busy, we didn’t get to talk.”
I grind my teeth. She’s close to her cousins. I was hoping she’d at least tell them about us. That
way it would feel real, and I’d stop having this feeling like I’ll lose her, married or not.
After all, that’s why I asked her to marry me. I figured I couldn’t lose her if she was mine in every
way.
She brushes her thumb against my brow. I love when she does that. It’s a simple gesture, but it
makes me feel special to her. Like she wants to care for me.
I guess telling her best friend does mean something. From what I know, she doesn’t take Jenny
around her family either. Jenny is from a time in her life when she didn’t live as comfortably.
“Listen to me. I’m your family now. Nothing else matters to me. Ven and Shawn are much closer
to each other than they are to me. They have their own things going on all the time.
“You know I don’t fit into that world. Did you tell your uncle about me?” She looks me in the eyes
pointedly.
“No,” I mumble. “But that’s different. He’s locked up. When I go to see him, I’m reporting on
what’s going on out here.”
“With your brother?”
“Yeah.”
I don’t know much about my little brother and sister. They go to boarding school. It’s easier to
keep tabs on my older brother. Now that Uncle Blake is locked up, I wish I could tell them who I am,
but Uncle Blake says it’s not time.
“Forget all that. I love you. I want to get to our wedding night. Come on, Ant, show me what I’ve
been waiting for.”
I move my hands to her plump ass and squeeze. I’ve wanted to tag this ass for an entire year.
We’ve waited because she’s a virgin.
Not that we haven’t come close after I’ve gone down on her or she’s blown me. Looking up into
her eyes, I smile and lean in to take her lips. I devour her as I grow hard in my jeans. She pushes her
hands into my hair and clings to me.
“I love you,” I say against her lips as I break the kiss.
“I love you too. Keep your promise?”
I move to my car and place her down on the hood. I already have our blanket spread out. Up here
is where I proposed, it’s where I’ve told her my secrets, fears, and challenges. This is where we fell
in love.
I look into her eyes. “I’ll always keep my promises to you.” I peck her lips. “Don’t move.”
I step back from between her legs and go to the driver’s side door of my Charger. Ducking into the
window, I turn the radio on and turn up the song. It’s one of her favorites.
Lauryn Hill’s The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill album has been on repeat since I met her. Now,
“Nothing Even Matters” fills the air as I walk back over to her.
I cup the back of her head and crush her lips with mine. If I’m going to believe in love at all, it’s
because of her. The warmth of her mouth welcomes me in. I deepen the kiss, wanting this to last
forever.
Moving my lips to her neck, I push my hands up under her dress and squeeze her smooth thighs.
Making my way to her panties, I push them aside and push into her with two fingers.
“Ant, please,” she whimpers.
 Placing my soaked fingers into my mouth, I grin as we lock eyes. I already know she tastes like
heaven, but for some reason she tastes even better tonight.
“Lie back for me,” I command.
She lies back while keeping her eyes on me. I push her dress up to her waist and stare down at her
silky brown legs. Biting my lip, I take in how fat her mound is.
As much as I want to pound her fat pussy out, I remind myself this is her first time and she’s my
wife. I want to make this special for her.
I’m a tall motherfucker at six-six, but I squat down and lift her legs over my shoulders to eat her
sweet pussy. I hum as her juices fill my mouth. She reaches for my hands on her belly and links our
fingers together.
I tighten my hold on her hands as she lifts and twists, trying to run from me. I’m not having it. I
push in deeper and devour every drop.
“Anthony,” she pants. “Babe, oh my God.”
I keep eating until she comes. This was her wish, for me to take her the first time beneath the same
stars where we fell in love, right on the hood of my car where we sat and became best friends.
When she’s soak and wet, I lick my lips and lift as I release my belt and unzip my jeans. Shoving
them down beneath my ass, I hook her legs over my arms and pull her closer. Sliding through her wet
folds but not entering, I keep my eyes on hers.
Her honey-colored depths are filled with so many emotions I allow myself to trust in the love she
gives. Slowly, I push into her. Her upper body lifts off the hood as she cries out.
I get halfway in and stop. I’m by no means a small guy in any respect. I’m a little over eleven
inches at my hardest, with enough girth to stretch the loosest pussy out. However, that’s not the case
here. This pussy is so tight my eyes roll back in my head.
“Fuck, baby. Relax for me. Let me in.”
“Let you in?” she breathes in confusion.
“Yeah, that’s only half,” I groan and tug her closer before I push in a little more.
“Oh my God,” she screams when she pulls her legs back and I slide in more.
I palm her thighs and start to rock into her. She sits up and grabs my face to kiss me. I suck her
tongue into my mouth and groan.
“You feel so good,” I say into her mouth.
She’s so much smaller than me at five-six. It’s nothing to lift her off the car and bounce her on my
length once she opens to me. I throw my head back and look up at the stars.
This is everything I thought it would be and more. She’s dripping down my length. The sound of
her wet pussy fills the air and something within settles.
I place my forehead to hers and breathe her in. She’s about to come, I can feel it.
“I love you, Anthony. I’ll always be yours.”
“I never thought I’d love anyone as much as I love you,” I groan.
I move to place her back on the car and hover over her as I lift our arms over her head. Slowing
the pace, I make love to my gorgeous wife.
She nuzzles my cheek and kisses my face as I rock in and out of her body. Pulling away, I look
down at her as she looks up into my eyes while she bites her lip. My own release rushes me.
I tighten my hands and cover her lips with mine. Right as I start to spill inside of her, the sound of
an explosion grabs both of our attention.
I straighten and look down over Bridge Lake. The red, yellow, and orange flames burst into the
air and turn into thick gray-and-black smoke. My heart starts to pound.
 I pull out and tug my pants up. I’m frozen in place for a moment. My brother and cousin are
supposed to be down there at that race. Pulling my hand down my face, I feel sick to my stomach.
They never learned about me. Have I lost them too?
“Ant, baby, they’re okay.”
“Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Alexis. I don’t have a good feeling about this. Let’s go.”
Chapter 1
Breaking News

Anthony

“Breaking news. This just in. The son of Bridge Lake’s local mogul and business tycoon, Ulysses
Kylix has been in a terrible accident.
“As you can see here in the video, two vehicles seemed to have been involved in the collision.
Our sources say there was one fatality. Supermodel Joshua Kylix, who goes by Kelex on social media
and in the fashion and entertainment industry—as you can see on the screen here is in critical
condition and headed into surgery.
“One other local, Takuya Nakamura, seems to be stable but in critical condition. In a statement
from the Kylix family’s publicist, they’ve asked for privacy as they get through this trying time,” the
news reporter says as I stare at my television.
“The police say there’s an ongoing investigation. Sources say this may be a case of street racing
gone wrong. There’s one suspect in custody and another person of interest. However, no names are
being released at this time.”
I turn the television off and blow out a breath. Will is the suspect in custody. By the time we got to
the scene, he was already cuffed and in the back of the squad car. I didn’t know Joshua was the one in
the second ambulance. I only saw them load the young kid.
His back was fucked. I pull a hand down my face. I still don’t know what happened. Everyone
else was gone.
I made some calls. The word is that asshole Jeremy Harris started it all. I couldn’t stand him.
If he wasn’t already dead, I’d kill him myself. It’s not the first time his name has been linked to
some shit like this.
“Babe, you should eat. I made you some chicken and waffles. It’s our first dinner as a married
couple. I know you’re worried about your family, but there’s nothing you can do about it tonight.”
“Thanks, baby, but I don’t think I can stomach anything right now.”
“Okay, well, I’m going to stick it in the convection oven to keep it warm, or if you decide to, you
can heat it up.”
I grunt and nod. I know this isn’t how we planned to spend tonight. I owe her more than this. I
stand and follow her into my small kitchen.
I got this place after Uncle Blake got locked up. I didn’t know if his problem would spread. I
needed to put distance between me and the house.
This place is a small apartment in Vander City. Expensive but private. Nothing I can’t afford.
Alexis won’t want for anything. I keep a clean place and I have enough money to hold us over for a
while.
That is if we stay in Vander. I haven’t mentioned the move since the ceremony earlier. With all
that’s going on, I know it’s not the right thing for us at the moment. However, I push that thought aside.
I move behind her and bury my face in her neck. She always smells so nice. Placing my hands on
the countertop on either side of her, I take a deep breath.
“I’m sorry. This isn’t fair to you. Come on, let’s shower. I’ll eat later. For now, we can chill.
Maybe pop that champagne for a toast.”
She turns and wraps her arms around me. “That sounds nice. I wouldn’t mind going another round.
That was so amazing. I’m glad we waited.”
Her phone rings and she pulls it from her pocket. She ignores the call and taps at the device a few
more times before she places it on the countertop behind her. I lift a brow.
“You’re not going to answer?”
“No, that part of my life is over, block and delete. I decided to stop being used the moment I
looked up into a pair of hazel-green eyes. I want tonight to be about my husband.”
I purse my lips and search her face. Her ex hasn’t called in months. I’m not jealous. She’s here
with me. She chose me.
I cup her face and turn it up to take her lips. “I love the way that sounds. Come on. I want you in
my bed.”
I lift her up and head for the bedroom so we can shower before I spend the night making love to
her. For now, I’m going to focus on my little world here. Tomorrow, I can get in touch with Uncle
Blake and find out my next move.
Chapter 2
Happy Home

Anthony

Two months later…

“Baby,” I call into the apartment.

“I’m in here,” she calls back.

Removing my gun from its holster, I quickly place it in the lockbox I keep hidden by the front
door. There are still some things I haven’t told my wife. Not that I want to keep secrets.
I’m just not sure if Uncle Blake will be released, it’s been over a year. If he doesn’t get out, it’s
not looking likely that I’ll need to play my role as the family’s enforcer and I still have questions
about the other role that was sprung on me. That’s why I told Lex we’d go to New York.
“Fuck me,” I mutter as my thoughts race.
Shaking them off, I leave all that shit out there. Once my pistol is securely out of sight, I move to
the kitchen to place the food I bought down.
Then I turn to head for the bedroom where her voice is coming from. When I step into the room,
she’s lying across the bed in a sheer black teddy that leaves little to the imagination.
Alexis is a curvy woman. She’s still toned from running track in high school, but her thick thighs
kiss when she walks, and I’ve caught her jumping into a pair of jeans with that fat ass jiggling a few
times since she’s been sleeping over.
She hasn’t moved in. Something I hate, but I’m holding my tongue as I figure shit out. Uncle
Blake’s lawyer still hasn’t figured out how to get him released, although the charges are bogus. I’m
doing all I’m told to help get Will out.
Every move I make has been blocked. Uncle Blake is steaming about it. That fucker Thaddeus
Pitman is going to pay for all this.
“Babe, come here,” Alexis sings, pulling me back out of my thoughts.
I focus on her glowing brown skin and smile. Kicking off my boots, I then reach to tug my shirt
over my head. Still in my jeans, I climb on the bed and take her lips as I hover over her.
She cups my face and smiles as she kisses me back. I settle beside her and reach to trace her
nipple through the fabric. Alexis has a solid C cup.
Not too small, not too big, but just right to fit in my palms. I love the way her nipples fit into my
mouth. She smells extra nice, like cocoa butter mixed with something else that’s making my mouth
water.
“How was it?”
“I hate seeing him in there. It’s not right. My uncle doesn’t even believe in selling or using drugs.
This is all bullshit,” I say more harshly than I mean to.
“I know. From everything you’ve told me about him, I know. This has to be so hard,” she says as
she moves to straddle my lap. “I thought, as your wife, I could take your mind off things.”
I groan as I palm her ass and squeeze it, pulling her into my growing erection. “Just seeing you has
made my day.”
She leans into my ear. “I can only imagine what sliding inside this wet pussy is going to do. I
missed you, Ant. You’ve been on my mind all day.”
I flip her onto her back and grind my hips into her, allowing my erection to rub against her heat
through my jeans. When I take her lips, I kiss her with all the love I have for her. She claws her nails
down my back, pulling a moan from me.
This is the perfect end to a shitty day. My life has been more peaceful with her in it. Each day, the
moment I see her face, I know things will get better.

***

Alexis

Ant’s mood has improved some after sex, but he’s still a little distant. I want to ease his worries. He’s
always so stressed out about his family.
I know there’re still things he hasn’t told me about them, but I don’t push. I get having family shit
you don’t want to or can’t share. I think that’s what drew us together.
Once we finish the food he brought in, he stands from the table and goes to clear our trash. He’s
only in his boxers, his broad back on display. I fist the hem of his T-shirt I’m wearing and tighten my
thighs around my hand. The shirt is huge on me, but it smells just like him.
I bask in the comfort it brings as I watch him move around in our small space. I get an idea as he
washes his hands at the sink. I get up and go turn on the stereo. I put in my Outkast CD and skip to the
“Hey Ya!” track.
With a smile, I peel off the T-shirt he put on me and toss it aside. Now in my panties and bra—
since he ripped my teddy to shreds earlier—I dance around the living room. He comes around the
little corner of the galley kitchen, so I come into view.
I wink at him and beckon him to me with my finger as I dance around. He shakes his head at me,
but he’s finally giving me a genuine smile. Wanting to make my man laugh and smile, I really go off.
Clapping and dancing, I move around the little living room with all the attitude I can muster. I’m
acting such a clown for this man. I place my foot on the couch as I do my version of the routine from
the video.
I even start to twerk when Dré sings to shake it. Ant surprises me when he crosses the room and
starts to dance his big ass behind me. The song changes and I turn to face him, wrapping my arms
around his waist.
“Roses” bumps through the speakers and we get lost in each other. I still clown to the song and
lyrics, but we’re in our own little bubble. That is until the only neighbor we have starts to bang on the
wall.
I frown. Ant moves to the stereo and turns it down.
“All right, all right, shut the fuck up. We don’t complain when you’re blasting your fucking porn,
asshole,” Ant growls at the wall.
I snicker and fall back onto the couch. “Hopefully our place in New York will have thicker
walls.”
Ant comes over and sits beside me, scooping me up under his arm. He then tugs me close and
kisses the top of my head. I snuggle in and look up at him.
“As long as we’re together, that’s all that counts.” He pecks my lips. “Thanks, I needed that.”
“I love you. I only want to see you happy.”
“I love you too.”
Chapter 3
T hings Change

Anthony

A month later…

Will was released about a month ago. Thank God. It looks like Uncle Blake will be getting out soon
too, thanks to some information Will dropped off for Uncle Blake’s lawyer.

Seth Grayson was picked up after Will’s release. Someone had to answer for that race. Seth,
being the one to organize that circuit on top of having two deaths connected to his particular races—it
looks like he’s going to be the fall guy. I don’t know much about him beyond the races, but better him
than my family.
“Baby, what time do you have to go see your uncle?” Alexis asks as she pops her head in the
room.
I turn to look at her. A smile comes to my face. She has her braids pulled up into a ponytail with
that green shit on her face. I love how comfortable she’s become here. I can’t sleep on nights when
she isn’t here with me.
My stomach sinks. I don’t know about our move to New York. Uncle Blake has been talking about
giving me more responsibility. It looks like I’ll be stepping more into my role. Now isn’t a good time
for me to take off. I just haven’t found the right time to tell Lex this.
“I leave in an hour. You still going to hang with Jenny?”
“Yeah, Ven called to have dinner, but I want to be home when you get back,” she says with a
smile.
“You don’t have to rush back. I planned to get into that new book I bought.”
She enters the room and climbs into my lap. “You know, I think it’s sexy when you read. I
wouldn’t miss the chance to watch you for the world,” she purrs.
“Don’t get that crap on me,” I say and pull my head back as she tries to kiss me.
She mushes me on the forehead with two fingers. “Stop trying to play me, Ant. You’re going to
want all my kisses later.”
She pokes her lip out. I wrap my arms around her and hold her tightly as I laugh. “You’ll have that
shit washed off your face by then,” I tease.
“Let me up. I’m not talking to you.”
I bury my face in her neck. “You can’t go ten minutes without talking to me. Don’t be mad. I still
love you, my little wicked witch.”
My shoulders shake as I laugh at her. She pushes at my chest and stands. It’s moments like this
when I’m most happy because she makes my world lighter. I don’t know what I would do without her.
“You keep laughing, Ant. Just wait.”
“I’ll bring dinner home tonight. Does that make it better?”
 “I don’t know, I was going to cook.”
“Text me and let me know what you decide. I’ll stop to get something if you change your mind or
if you really don’t want to cook.”
“Aren’t you the perfect husband?”
I stand and tug her into my arms. She turns her face up and puckers her lips. I peck them before I
look down into her eyes.
“Not as perfect as my wife. Seriously, how much longer before you wash that off? I can think of
something I want to do before I have to leave.”
“Give me two seconds. I’ll be right back.” She grins as she backs away toward the bathroom.
I smile as I watch her disappear behind the door. I can’t wait to give her the life she deserves.
Uncle Blake will understand.
I’m not the one who’s getting the big promotion. I don’t think I’ll be missed. Not if things go as I
was told.
Chapter 4
Gone

Alexis

It’s been three months since we got married. I couldn’t be happier. When Ant isn’t trying to visit his
uncle to find out how to help him, I have all his attention. He makes me laugh and smile all the time.
I stare at my husband in his sleep. I love this man so much. I still remember the day I first saw
him.
He’d been at the courthouse. I’d just sat through my ex’s arraignment. I was over him and sitting
there listening to all the trouble he’d gotten himself into had sealed the deal.
I’d gotten outside and to the bottom of the stairs when I saw Ant. We locked eyes as I came out of
my thoughts.
“Hello,” I purred and smiled up at him.
He gave me the sexiest smile and winked at me. It was strange, I could tell he had a lot on his
mind even as he silently flirted. I didn’t get to talk to him past hello that day, but I didn’t forget his
face.
It was a month later when I saw him again. It was at the old track where the rich kids in Bridge
Lake go to hang and show off. I’d been there with Ven, helping her tune the car she’d been working
on.
We often worked in the back garage away from everyone else. It’s not easy being girls who can
work on cars and bikes. It’s better to stay away from the bullshit.
I, for one, like to stay away from the rich kids’ drama and games. When I stepped out of the gate to
get on my bike, there he was, watching his brother through the fence—a fact I would later learn.
I walked over and placed a hand on his waist. “Well, hello again, handsome. You should have
asked for my number when you first saw me. You don’t have to run around town stalking me. You’re
kind of too big for that,” I teased, looking up at him through my lashes.
“I’m not here for you. I don’t have time to chase after girls,” he said like a damn asshole.
I frowned and dropped my hand. “Well, forget I said anything. You have a good one.”
I turned to leave, but he grabbed my wrist to stop me. “Wait, I’m sorry. I’m having a bad day.
My name is Anthony. What’s yours?”
I turned and looked up into his bright hazel-green eyes. His dark hair had these big curls on
top that tumbled into his forehead. It suited his strong, handsome features. I craned my neck back
as he moved closer to crowd my space.
“I remember you. You were outside the courthouse. Right before…”
“Before?” I said and lifted a brow.
“Nothing. Tell me your name so we can get out of here.”
I scoffed. “You might have ruined that already.”
His eyes turned sad. “I hope not. You’ve been the first person to bring a real smile to my lips in
a month.”
 I nodded toward the guys horsing around on the other side of the fence. “You know them?”
He winked. “Answer my question first.”
“Alexis, but everyone close to me calls me Lex.”
“I want to be close to you.”
I pulled a face and looked him over. “You sure? I mean, just a moment ago, you didn’t have
time for me.”
He reached to brush my braids behind my ear. “Just a few moments ago, I had a lot on my
mind. Now, you’re on my mind and I want to get to know you. Come on, Lex. Humor your new
boyfriend. I’ve had a shitty day.”
I smiled up at his tall ass, wanting to listen to his deep voice all day. I knew a lot about having
a bad day, so I gave him a pass.
That day he told me the first time I saw him, his uncle had been arrested for BS charges and he
wasn’t having any luck getting him out or getting bail set. It was that day I started to fall for him. We
were alike yet different in so many ways.
Now, here I am. I’m married to Anthony Blake Knight. My dad is probably going to kill me.
Oh well.
Ant inhales deeply and lifts an arm to wrap around me. I snuggle closer to his side, loving having
his big arm around me. He smells so good, even in his sleep.
“Are you going to sit up and watch me all night?”
“No, I’m just admiring the view for a bit.”
He cracks an eye open. I can’t help it. I lean in and peck his lips. He rolls me onto my back and
smiles down at me.
Gah, this man is huge. I love how safe he always makes me feel. He settles between my legs
while staring into my eyes.
I wrap my legs around his waist and reach to brush my thumb across his brows. His lashes are so
thick and long. He grins down at me as his eyes sparkle.
“You’re so fucking handsome, babe. You know that?”
“I was just thinking about how gorgeous you are. You know, I almost let you walk away that day at
the track,” he murmurs and frowns.
“Who would have thought? I walked up on my future husband stalking his brother and now look at
us.”
He pecks my lips. “Why are you always calling me a stalker?”
I laugh and wiggle beneath him. “You’re going to have to get that under control, you know?
They’re not with that crap in New York. I don’t want to have to be in those streets fighting over you,”
I tease.
He looks away. My heart stops. I lift onto my elbows. “Anthony?”
He rolls onto his back and stares up at the ceiling. I move to straddle his waist. Giving him a side
glance, I cup his face and force him to look me in my eyes.
“What aren’t you telling me?”
“I can’t go to New York. Not right now,” he murmurs.
“Then what are we supposed to do? My family is bound to find out about us if we stay here.”
“Then tell them about us.”
“I can’t.”
“You can’t, or you don’t want to?”
“Both.”
 “So it’s cool for you to ride my dick every night, but telling your family about me is a problem?
Get off me, Alexis.”
“Anthony,” I grind out.
He lifts me and places me on the bed beside him before tossing the covers off and standing up to
pace. I run a hand through my braids in frustration.
“Babe, I know you have a lot on your plate, so I’m going to ignore you acting like an ass. We do,
however, need to figure this out. We were supposed to move. I could work on writing music, and you
were going to bartend.
“My friend is still holding that job for you. We have to figure this out.”
“Come with me to see Uncle Blake tomorrow. No more hiding. I want him to meet you.” He stops
his pacing to look me in the eyes.
“Okay, but, babe, my family is complicated. There’s a reason I don’t think it’s a good idea for me
to tell them about us. Good things tend to go to shit around them.”
“You’re my wife, Alexis. I love you. If you love me, you should want to introduce me to your
family.”
I look down into my palms. When he asked me to marry him, I said yes because we talked about
moving away from here. For once, I want to live a normal life.
I have a gig waiting for me in New York. I write songs and they hand over the brown paper bag.
That was the plan.
We’d start fresh, start our own thing and leave Vander and its drama behind. Once again, my dad
has some bullshit going on. I can tell by the way he’s moving.
I always keep those I care about away from him. Heck, I don’t have to see Bridge Lake for the
rest of my life, as far as I’m concerned. I had planned to give Anthony all the love he’s been longing
for.
Lester Smith doesn’t fit into that equation, my dad ruins things. He ruined the only family I knew. I
won’t let him next to Anthony.
I’ve never known the true story behind my two cousins’ kidnapping. I was in the house using the
bathroom, otherwise, I would have been taken with them. Nothing has been the same since that day.
Shawn and Ven became tighter, and I became the outsider. It’s why I understand Ant so much. I,
too, lost people I cared about. First my mother left, then I lost my grandparents, and it was like
everything else fell apart from there. Money can’t fix everything. Trust me, I know.
“I do love you,” I whisper. “I need you to trust me. My dad has been acting off. I don’t think this is
the time to spring this on him.”
“Okay, so explain why I haven’t met Jenny or Ven and Shawn.”
“First, have you looked in the mirror? My cousins are one thing, but I’m not introducing my fine-
ass husband to another female outside my family, I don’t care if she is my best friend. I love Jenny
like a sister, but nope. That’s not happening.”
He purses his lips at me and rolls his eyes. I lift onto my knees and crawl closer to him. I don’t
want to fight.
“Ant, please. It’s not like you’ll tell me who your cousin is. I figured out Pit’s your brother on my
own. Then you decided to trust me with that story. Who’s your cousin?”
“Lex, I told you that’s something I can’t tell you. Knowing that is more dangerous than knowing
about my siblings. I won’t put you in that danger.”
“Okay, I get that. Can you understand meeting my dad could prove to be just as dangerous?”
A dark cloud comes over his features. This is the side of Ant most people don’t see. The dark side
of him, the side I fear has done and seen dark things.
“You know who I am. Who my family is. I’m not afraid of your father. I wouldn’t have married
you if I were,” he snarls.
“Babe, you took that wrong. Calm down. My father is messy. The rest of my family stays away
from him because of it.”
“I need some air,” he says tightly and snatches up his jeans and boots.
“Ant,” I nearly sob.
“We’ll talk when I get back.”
With that, he storms from the room and out of the tiny apartment. I run a hand under my nose and
move to grab my phone. It rings with an unknown number as soon as I pick it up.
It’s pretty late for someone to be calling. I had planned to call Jenny to clear my head, but this
isn’t her. My stomach twists before I answer.
“Hello,” I say as I pick up.
“Don’t say a word. Don’t hang up. Listen and shut up.”

***

Anthony

As soon as I enter the apartment, I know something is off. It’s too still. As I look around, Alexis’s
things are missing. My chest tightens as I rush through the apartment to look for her.
She’s gone. I flop down on the bed and drop my head in my hands. I didn’t mean to lose it.
I just needed to go for a ride and get my thoughts together. I know I overreacted. She was right.
It’s not like I haven’t asked about her father and heard a bunch of bullshit. I probably shouldn’t be
in a room with him. Not given my role and status in my family.
“Fuck,” I breathe.
I planned to come back and make it up to her. I growl and ball my fists against my face. She can’t
be doing this shit to me. She knows all about my past. If she loved me, she wouldn’t do this.
“Alexis,” I bellow into the empty apartment.
I pull my phone out as the neighbor starts banging on the damn wall. I bare my teeth. Dude makes
all the noise in the world when he’s ready to.
“Shut the fuck up. Eat a dick, bro.”
I dial Alexis. It rings twice before going to voice mail. My heart sinks.
How could she?
Chapter 5
What To Do

Alexis

Sending Ant’s call to voice mail, I stand nervously outside Jenny’s apartment. I almost didn’t come
here. I don’t want to involve her in this mess, but I need someone to talk to.
“Hey, Lex. Come in,” she says as she opens the door. “You all right? You sounded strange when
you called.”
“Kid, I don’t know what I’m going to do. I can’t stay here. I won’t do this to Ant or his family, but
I don’t want to hurt him either. It’s complicated.”
“Hold on. I still don’t understand what’s going on. Sit down, talk to me. We’ll figure it out.”
I sag my shoulders and follow my best friend into her living room. Jenny and I met in elementary
school. She was a year younger than me and really small. Everyone picked on her because she was a
tomboy. I hate bullies, so I stepped in to get them to leave her alone. We’ve been besties since.
I’m the one who started calling her Kid because she hates the name Jenny. I think that endeared
her to me more than sticking up for her. Now, if there’s a fight, Kid is by my side and always has my
back. I love her like a sister.
She’s the only one I’ve mentioned Anthony to, despite what he thinks. I guess I’m so used to
keeping anything good in my life away from my dad. I couldn’t bring myself to expose the most
important person to me to the rest of my world for fear somehow my father would collide with him.
“What’s going on?”
“I got this weird call. I was given two options. Leave, never come back to Vander, and never
speak to my dad again or stay and Anthony and his family would go to jail for all my dad’s shit. He
said he could make it stick.”
“What?”
“Kid, I don’t know what to do. You know what this will do to my dad. I’m all he has left, but I
love Anthony and he loves his family. I could never betray him like this. Either way I’m going to hurt
them both.”
“Can you go to your uncle and aunt? She wouldn’t let anything happen to her brother.”
“My aunt is so sick. Her illness is progressing so fast. Dad is her baby brother. This will only
worry her and use up the little strength she has. I can’t do that to Mayven or Uncle Marvin.”
“Then tell your uncle.”
“Ha, Uncle Marvin would rather allow my dad to burn than get involved in anything concerning
him, even if it’s connected to me.”
She bites her lip, looking nervous. I feel like I’m going to be sick. This is why I didn’t want to
bring Anthony anywhere near my dad. Ant hasn’t met the man, and still, his toxic life is reaching for
him.
“What if we can figure out who this guy is and derail his plan? I’ll help any way I can.”
“Here’s the weird part. I know the voice. It was the DA, Thaddeus Pitman.”
 “What? Are you sure?”
“Yeah, he’s been to the house to see Daddy a few times. I’d know that condescending voice
anywhere.”
“Rumors have been circling Vander for years about him being dirty. People have disappeared
when the rumors grow too loud. I don’t like this, Lex.”
“Me either.”
“When are you and Ant moving?”
“He said we can’t. We had a fight about it before the call. Kid, I feel like shit.
“This is going to hurt him so much, but I think I should run. Dad’s bullshit means more to him than
I do. I’ll sacrifice that relationship for Anthony and his family to stay out of jail.
“The job in New York is off the books, I can hide out there for a while.”
“But that’s going to break his heart. You two sound like you’re so in love.”
“We are. I love him so much. This is killing me, but what else can I do? I already took all my
things with me. I need to run now, or I might not be able to.”
I sit there feeling like I’m five, not nineteen. I’m hurting, and my world is being taken from me. I
lost my mom and grandparents all around the same time.
I was so young, nothing at the time made sense. This feels so much worse. I never wanted to know
this feeling again.
My entire world is imploding. I can’t do this to Anthony, but I have to. If I want to keep everyone
safe, this is the right thing to do.
My heart feels like it’s going to spill from my chest. I wish we didn’t have that fight. However, if I
stay to tell him what’s going on, he’ll try to stop me. This is bigger than us.
“Jenny, I need you to do me a favor. You have to keep an eye on Anthony for me. I need to know
he’s okay. He has so much going on. So much on his shoulders.”
She nods. “I’ll take care of it.”
“Don’t bring him into this. Promise. No matter what, don’t tell him anything.”
“What if he can help? You can run and I’ll tell hi—”
“No, promise. I love that man with everything I am. This is going to crush him. He’ll get involved
and I don’t know what will happen after that. I know there’s something between his family and the
DA, something personal. Please, don’t allow anything else to hurt him.”
I can’t tell her that Thaddeus Pitman isn’t William Pitman’s father. I don’t even know the entire
story, only the bits Anthony has trusted me with. However, the bits I do know are what’s telling me I
should run and never look back if I want to protect my husband.
“I promise, Lex.”
I burst into sobs. This would be my life. I’m losing everything I love. Ven, Shawn, Kid, and my
husband. I have nothing left.
Chapter 6
T he Muscle

Ox

Two years later…

The biggest mistake people make about me is thinking I’m slow because of my size. At six-six, a solid
two hundred and seventy pounds, I know how to move when I have to. This motherfucker is about to
realize his mistake.

He’s only pissing me off by making me chase him. I jump over the trash can he turns over to slow
me down as we run up this alley. My heavy boots pound the pavement as I gain on him.
Even with a head start and sneakers, he’s not going to get away from me. I’m not even panting as I
charge after him. If anything, I’m going to make this hurt more.
He goes to climb the fence at the end of the alley. I let him get halfway up before I grab his ass by
the back of his shirt and slam him to the ground. Thieving son of a bitch.
“Ricky, Ricky, Ricky, still think you have a chance to get away?” I snarl as he rolls around on the
ground groaning.
I stomp on his hand and close my eyes as I savor the crunching sound of his bones crushing. He
won’t be using that hand to steal anytime soon.
I lick my lips as if tasting justice for his crimes in the air. It’s simple. If my family allows you
Grace in Vander City, you respect that. Earn what’s yours and don’t touch what’s ours.
This motherfucker felt entitled to things that didn’t belong to him. Now I’m here. The one Knight
you don’t want to see coming.
“Let’s go. I don’t have all night,” I bark.
“Please,” he gasps.
It’s too late for that. I grab him by his hair and drag him back the way we came. He asked for this.
I wouldn’t be here if his ass didn’t have sticky fingers. He thought he was smart enough to steal from
our family.
In concept, he had a good idea. Crossing over into Sunnyside to make his transactions and setting
up shop there too. He kept all his dealings with our stolen money west of Sunnyside, in the opposite
direction of Vander.
All outside of where Uncle Blake would be watching. Or so he thought.
“You’re one dumb bastard. He warned you if you fucked up, I was coming,” I snarl. “Now, I’m
getting calls in the middle of the night and you tried to run. Now I’m pissed.”
I get him back into his office, where Odell—one of Uncle Blake’s guys, is setting up for me. I nod
at the tall, dark-haired man my uncle sends to assist me on jobs like this. I wouldn’t say we’re
friends.
He’s here to do a job like me. I trust him to do his part while I do mine. When it’s done, he’ll
report to Uncle Blake as usual.
I’m good at what I do. I think it’s a place for me to put all this rage inside me. I’ve been looking
forward to these calls more and more lately.
If I’m not working out or going to class, I have too much time to think, which leads to thinking
about her. I’m so tired of thinking about my missing wife.
“Oh God,” the asshole cries as I punch him in his gut after we have him strung up.
“Shut up. I’m just getting started. I’m not about to listen to your ass whine through this ass
whipping.”
“Fuck you,” he chokes out.
“Oh yeah, that’s right. You have a mouth on you.” I punch him in the face and knock out a few
teeth. “Still in a talking mood?”
He whimpers and spits out blood. I roll my shoulders and focus on the task at hand. Uncle Blake
wants him to hurt for the money he stole, but he doesn’t want him dead. Not yet.
I spend the next hour tenderizing this dude like a piece of meat. Odell has to stop me before I take
things too far. The room comes back into focus as he places a hand on my shoulder.
John-John—another of Uncle Blake’s guys, comes into the room. He looks my handiwork over
and shakes his head. I shrug and pull out a handkerchief to wipe my hands.
Looking down at my knuckles, I can’t help wondering how I got here. What would my life have
been like if I did take off and leave all this behind? I shrug the thought off.
I’d probably still be empty. She still would have fucked me over and left. I’m right where I should
be.
“The boss just called,” John-John says. “We have one more stop.”
“Fine. Let’s go.”
I turn and leave this mess behind. I guess this is better than sitting alone in my apartment thinking
about what today is. Climbing on my bike, I pull out my phone and see the address for our next stop.
I take off as the guys pull out in their SUV. Someone is about to feel the pain I feel as another
anniversary passes. Sorry bastard.
Oh well. I don’t show up unless it’s deserved.
Chapter 7
Your Brother

Anthony

“Ah, Anthony. I’ve been wanting to talk to you,” Uncle Blake croons as I walk into his office.
I look my uncle over as he gives me a broad smile. He still looks good for his age. Though his
beard is still salt and pepper, his hair has turned more white since his time in jail. His Greek-Italian
heritage is strong in his features.
From what I was told, the last name Knight came from the migration to America. My great-great-
great-grandmother came over with the family she worked for. The wife of the family died during the
voyage and the husband married my great-great-great-grandmother shortly after they arrived.
The rest is history. Vander City and Bridge Lake history. I shake those thoughts away, knowing I
can’t shake away who I am or what it’s cost me.
“I got your text. Is everything all right?”
“That’s what I would like to know from you. John-John felt I needed to see your last two jobs,” he
says and lifts a brow.
“Okay, I got it done.”
“You don’t think you went a little overboard?”
“No.”
He sighs. “I’ve been in your shoes. I know when personal issues start to manifest in our line of
work.
“You’ve been drawing into yourself more and more lately. You haven’t been to the house much
and I had to hear from your guidance counselor that you have a 4.0 GPA and you’re scheduled to
graduate a year early.”
“I started taking twice the course load every semester. In order to have them sign off for me to
keep taking twenty-one credits, I have to keep my GPA up,” I reply and shrug. “It’s not like I have
much else going on. Last night was nothing.”
“That’s just it. I think you should have more going on. You can get lost in what you do and that
wasn’t nothing.”
“I may have needed to blow off some steam. Better I do it on a job than get into trouble in my real
life. It’s not like I do jobs all the time. It’s not likely to happen again anytime soon. Besides, the job
got done.”
“Yes, well, I need you to do something for me. Your brother is doing well with the bar and the
side business. He’s living up to my expectations and then some, but that’s going to draw more and
more attention.
“I think it’s time you step into his life. You know, watch his back. It’s a way for you to get to know
him as well.”
My heart races. I’ve wanted to be a part of Will’s life for so long. He was once my best friend
when we were little. I was so sad when he and his mom stopped coming around and Dad was gone
too.
“Can I tell him who I am?”
“No, not yet. You should use your nonna’s maiden name.”
“Amato?”
“Yes, that will throw everyone off. We’ll keep your connection to me to ourselves for as long as
we can. All things will be revealed at the right time.”
I want to ask him about my maternal grandfather. The man I met while he was in prison. However,
I keep the knowledge I have of my mother’s father to myself, like I was told to.
Growing up in Bridge Lake, you learn to keep your family’s secrets and this family has a ton.
Pushing those thoughts to the side, I think of Will. I wonder if he’ll remember me on his own.
We were so young, but those days were some of my best. My mother was gone, and it was just me
and my dad. I loved when I got to play with Will and forget the sobbing I’d hear at night.
Now that I’m older, I think my father blamed himself for my mom. I came to that conclusion one
night while talking to Alexis. As soon as I think of her name, I shut my thoughts down and frown.
“How should I play this?” I ask my uncle instead of going down that rabbit hole.
“I already told him I’m sending over a new bartender for him to interview. The rest is on you.”
I enjoy bartending. I think that’s why I majored in psychology. I wanted to understand people.
Bartending allows me to get to know the people I serve.
A part of me wants to learn how to make people stay—however weird that may be. People come
to drink and leave. Yet, I feel like if I learn about them and understand them as they sit and spill their
troubles while I attend to them, I’ll understand how to keep the people in my life around. It’s just a
theory.
“No problem, I can handle that,” I reply to my uncle.
“Head over there tonight. He’s expecting you.”
“Thanks, Uncle Blake.”
“Stop by the house to see me more often. We have a lot to talk about.”
“I will.” I stand and go to walk out.
“Anthony.”
I turn to look back. “Yeah?”
“I’m proud of you. I know things were hard when I was away. I’ve never had a chance to talk to
you about it. Now you seem to never want to talk, but this school thing… I know your father and
mother would be just as proud. You’re a smart kid. I only want the best for you.”
“I know, Uncle Blake. I’m all right, I promise.”
If only that were true. I want answers from my wife. I want this pain she left behind to stop. I’ve
thrown myself into school to forget about her.
Chapter 8
Ox

Ox

I don’t know what hurts more, not being able to tell Will who I am or him not remembering me. I’m
trying to play it cool, but I wish I could pull my brother into a hug.
It’s bad enough I probably pissed him off by calling him Will when I arrived. I think that’s when I
fucked up. He’s not going to hire me. I see it in his eyes.
“Listen, I agreed to interview you because Blake asked me to. I’m going to be real. Your big ass
don’t belong behind my bar and I’ve hired all the bouncers I need.
“You tell Blake I said thanks,” Pit says and turns from me to look out into the crowd that has
grown on the dance floor since we came out of his back room.
I sit trying to figure out how to fix this interview. A short brown-skinned chick catches my
attention, she seems to be who Pit has homed in on too. As he saunters over to her, a fight breaks out
around her.
Pit rushes toward them, pulling the girl out of the way and pushing her behind him. The four dudes
are brawling at this point. When Pit goes to break them apart, one of the guys swings and catches him
with his sloppy punch.
I jump into action as Pit starts swinging. The girl goes to jump in, catching one guy with a nice
right hook. Pit knocks out the guy who hit him and looks at the other two still fighting with annoyance.
I kiss my fist before knocking out the one the girl punched as he looks as if his drunk ass is
considering punching her back. Before Pit knows what’s going on, I have the other two dangling by
their collars.
My chest is heaving only slightly. “Some bouncers,” I snort. “It’s always good to have a bartender
who can control the floor if needed. I’m a master mixologist, by the way.”
Pit snorts. “What did you say your name was again?”
“Anthony.”
“Yeah, okay, Ox. You’re hired.”
I sigh in relief and laugh. I didn’t know how much I wanted the job until this very moment. He can
call me Ox as long as I have it.
“I’m Skittles, it’s nice to meet you,” the girl says with a smile on her face.
“Rule number one. She’s always safe when here. I’ll introduce you to the rest of the crew when
they come in. Only other rule I have is no fucking the staff. I don’t need any in-house drama. Keep
your dick out of my waitresses and bartenders.”
“You’ve got it. I’m here to work.”
He grunts and nods. “You can toss their asses outside,” he says, nodding to the guys I’m still
holding up.
“Got you.”
“Damn, that’s one big motherfucker,” Skittles says as I go to walk away.
 “Yeah, you keep your hands off my staff too,” Pit grumbles in response.
“Bite me, Will,” she tosses back at him tauntingly.
For the first time in a long time, I get the feeling that I might belong somewhere. I think that was
Uncle Blake’s point. I’ve been distancing myself from everyone to mask my real feelings.
My rage is growing and I don’t think I’m hiding it as well as I think I am. Being around my brother
might be what I need.

***

Alexis

I look around this studio and wonder how this became my life. I love writing music and have penned
some hits, but this isn’t how I saw things working out.
I miss my husband. It’s been two years, and nothing has changed. I can’t go back, and I keep my
distance as much as I can.
Kid is my only connection to Vander, who I keep in touch with. I still hold my breath whenever I
see her number on my phone.
The first year was rough. First, there was her call to tell me my ex was murdered. Then she called
to tell me when Ven’s mom died.
From what she knows, Ant hasn’t been happy. It makes me sick to my stomach. Every day I ask
myself if I’m doing the right thing.
When my aunt died, I wanted so badly to go home and be there for Ven. I lied and told her I was in
Paris writing and couldn’t get back because of a deadline for the album I was working on. I was away
working, but I could have made the trip if not for the threat.
The sorrow in her voice was so thick as she asked if I ever thought about coming back to open
that bike and car shop we used to dream about. I do, I do all the time, but there’s no way.
“Hey, gorgeous. How’s this one coming along?” I look up to find Eric standing over me.
He works for one of the labels. This guy doesn’t understand the word no. I’m not interested, but
he hasn’t given up. These industry guys aren’t my type. Most of them are always kissing ass for the
next come up.
I’m not kissing anyone’s butt for anything. Either you want to work with me, or you can kick rocks.
I know my talent and I know my worth.
“It’s coming along. Will the artist be here soon?”
“She’s on her way. You know how they can be. This one has that thing, though. I think we can take
her places with the right songwriter,” he says as he gives me what I’m guessing is his sexy smile.
Nah, he’s too square for me. I think that’s what made me fall so hard for Ant. Even before
knowing who his family was, I knew there was something dangerous about him.
I guess I did marry someone just like my daddy. Go figure. Eric is probably the kind of guy I
should be attracted to. Yet my heart will never allow for that.
“Did you hear what I said?” Eric asks.
“No, no. This song is talking to me. Sorry, I zoned out.”
 He shrugs and chuckles. “I asked if you thought about that date?”
“Oh, no. I’ve been busy. A lot of work has been coming in since that Grammy.”
“Ah, yeah. Makes sense. I’ll let you get back to it, but you let me know when things calm down
and we can catch a bite to eat.”
I tuck my braids behind my ear. “Sure, will do.”
I’m lying my ass off. I have no intention of going on a date with him. I don’t care if I miss sex and
cuddling. I want my husband. If I can’t have him, I’m good.
My phone rings, pulling my attention. Seeing it’s Kid, I answer quickly. I wait for her calls with
bated breath as she keeps me updated on Ant and his life.
“Hello.”
“You’re never going to believe who just walked into my job and got hired as a bartender.”
“No way, really?”
I had been nervous when Kid first told me she works for Pit. I still haven’t shared with her Ant’s
secret. She wouldn’t know that his brother had just hired him.
“Yes, ma’am. Walked in here and nailed the job after breaking up a fight… That your cousin was
smack in the middle of.”
I groan. “Ven can’t seem to stay out of fights, can she?”
“I’m mad you knew I was talking about her.”
“Ha, you sure aren’t talking about Shawna. The sky would be falling and burning before that girl
confronts anything.”
“I just thought you’d want to know what your husband is up to. Don’t worry. This will be the
perfect opportunity for me to cockblock.”
“Kid,” I drag out.
“Listen, there will be a time when you can return to your husband. I want to make sure he’s not
disease ridden when that time comes.”
“I love you. You know that, right?”
“Yes, and you love him too. So I’ve got your back.”
“Listen, the singer I’m writing for just walked in. I have to go.”
“Talk to you later, love.”
“Later, best.”
Chapter 9
Warning

Alexis

A year later...

I’m scared to breathe. When Kid called with the news of Thaddeus Pitman’s indictment, I thought I
was dreaming. I was so nervous about booking a flight home, but the thought of finally being in my
husband’s arms pushed me forward.

I know I have a ton of explaining to do, but I can’t help hoping Anthony will listen to me. It’s been
three years, but I never stopped loving him. If I can make him see that, I can get him to understand all
I’ve done for him.
I came to Sunnyside, the town on the other side of Vander City. Kid plans to meet me here and
we’ll ride into Vander in the morning. I’ll need the support to make those final steps.
“Hi, I have a reservation for Lex Smith.”
“Ah, yes, here I have you. One night. I’ll need your ID and a credit card for the charges.”
“Hold on, one sec,” I say as my phone rings.
I hand over my information quickly and take my phone out. Not knowing the number, I get this
sinking feeling in my stomach. I debate on not answering it, but I know I have to.
“Hello.”
“You think you’re on your way home?” The person on the other end says. The first thing that
stands out is the distortion of the voice. “This is bigger than Thaddeus Pitman. He was just a means to
an end. You think your family and your boyfriend are the only ones with corrupt connections?
“All I had to do was mention who your father and boyfriend are and Thaddeus was more than
willing to make that call. This isn’t over. You don’t get to have a fucking happy ending.
“This is all your fucking fault. You step one foot into Vander or Bridge Lake and it all falls
down.” With that, the nutjob hangs up.
“Excuse me, Ms. Smith. We have a package here for you. It arrived this morning,” the clerk
behind the desk says, handing me a manila envelope.
I take it with shaky hands and open it. I pull out a ton of pictures. My mouth falls open as I skim
through them. The pictures are of Anthony and all the people surrounding him. Pit, that fighter who
lives in Vegas, the little singer, the tat guy, that former model, and Mayven.
She’s right in the center of most of the pictures. I stop at one picture and run my finger over Ant’s
face. He looks so handsome even as he’s brooding.
My cousin and my man are more important to me than anything. I know what I’m going to do
before I get to the last picture that seals the deal for me. Pit and Ant are smiling together.
Anthony has real joy on his face. All his life, all he has ever wanted was to be a part of his
brother’s life. Let him tell it, and Will was once his best friend.
 I don’t know what all happened, but to see them smiling together now, I can’t go back and see that
all ruined.
“You can cancel that room. I won’t be staying after all.”
Chapter 10
Loss

Alexis

Three and a half years later...

My heart hurts. I gasp and drop to my knees with the phone still to my ear. I can’t believe what I’m
hearing. Wrapping my free arm around my waist, I rock back and forth as I allow Kid’s words to sink
in.

“I’m so sorry, honey. I hate that I had to call you with this.”
“This doesn’t make sense. My father wouldn’t do this. Are you sure?”
“The news confirmed it. I’m so sorry.”
My mind bucks against her words. My father wasn’t the type to commit suicide. He had his issues,
but I can’t believe he’d do this. He was always about his own survival.
Why would someone who put his own nieces in danger to save his own ass turn around and kill
himself? Unless… I never believed he did it to begin with. Yeah, Daddy did some shit and ran in
some rough circles, but that, now this.
I can’t wrap my head around it. This just doesn’t seem real. The worst part is, I don’t know if his
crimes have died with him.
My first thought is to go back and see to a proper burial. However, I don’t want to risk another
warning.
My heart sinks. With my father gone, I’ve lost all hope that I’ll ever be able to return. Kid had just
started to report that something had changed with him. I was so hopeful.
I thought I could finally count on him. I was just working up the nerve to ask for his help to get out
of this.
“I didn’t get to say goodbye. I never got to explain. What have I done?”
“I knew you would go there and blame yourself. This isn’t your fault. Your dad has always had a
lot going on.”
“I need to bury him. I have to come back.”
She’s silent on the other end for a while. I sniffle and wipe my nose on my sleeve. My heart stops
because I know she’s about to drop another bomb on me.
“What? What haven’t you told me?”
“There isn’t a body. He jumped off the Bridge Lake Bridge.”
“What?”
“I… I don’t know how to tell you all of this.” She blows out a breath. “His car was found on the
bridge. His suicide note was in the driver’s seat.”
“Oh my God.”
“They’ve been combing that river, but still no body yet. I say you shouldn’t risk the trip if there’s
no body to lay to rest.”
“I guess you’re right.”
“I’m so sorry, honey.”
“Me too,” I sob.
Chapter 11
New York

Anthony

Four and a half years later…

I was supposed to meet up with this chick I’ve been talking to online, but as soon as the planed
landed, I changed my mind. Instead, I thought I’d take a walk and get a burger or something
somewhere.

I thought about asking Pit to come along, but he’s been in a shitty mood since we boarded the
plane in Vander. I have my own attitude tonight. New York… this race would be in the one city I
loathe. This is where I was supposed to move to with my wife.
I’ve hated this place like it owes me something for years. I’ve always wondered if she’s here. Is
she happy? If she is, I’d love to shit all over that.
How fucked up can you be to know how fucked up I was and walk out on me? She never loved
me. If she did, she’d still be with me. Every time I hear the name Smith, I snarl.
It’s crossed my mind a time or two to go to her father, maybe ask him where she is. Then he
committed suicide. She didn’t even show up around the time I heard about it. Heartless bitch.
Still, I’ve even thought to ask Pit if he could find Ven and Shawn so I could ask them about her.
Bridge Lake is small, but I’ve never met any Black dudes named Ven or Shawn, something I’ve
always found strange. Ven would be closer to my age. I think Shawn is a few years younger than
Alexis.
However, I’ve come to wonder if anything she told me was true. As far as I know, it was all lies.
One after another, after another.
“Oh, excuse me. Sorry.”
I freeze. I’d know that voice anywhere. I turn slowly to the woman who just bumped into me.
When I look down, I lock gazes with light honey-colored eyes in a pretty brown face. I clench my
fists at my sides. I can’t believe my eyes. As much as I hate to admit it, she looks good. Really good.
“Ant?” she gasps. “Oh my God, I was just talking about you. This is crazy.”
“You think? I’ve been wondering where you’ve been for almost eleven years. What could you
possibly have to say to anyone about me? That you fucked up my life when you walked out on me?”
She looks down at her feet. I’m coiled with so much rage. People step around us on the busy
sidewalk, but I can’t force my feet to move out of the way.
Some dude comes up behind her and wraps an arm around her waist. I glare at his arm, wanting to
rip it from his body.
“You okay, baby?” he says.
“Um, yeah. Eric, this is Anthony,” she says nervously.
“The Anthony?”
 I glare at the two of them, ready to choke this guy out. It’s when she places her hand over his on
her waist that I see red. She has a huge rock on her finger. One I didn’t put there.
“Um, yeah, that Anthony.”
“This is perfect,” the dude croons.
“Uh, Eric, don’t.”
“Buddy, we were just talking about you.”
“Eric,” Alexis says more firmly.
“I’ve asked Lex to marry me. I didn’t know she was already married.”
“Eric,” she repeats as I glare at this dude.
“Can you imagine my surprise? You haven’t come up once in the last year.”
“Eric.”
“Anyway… she was going to give you a call about the divorce, but here you are. I can have the
papers drawn up in the morning.”
“Eric,” she growls loudly this time. I scoff as I give her the look of death. He turns to her with a
look of surprise on his face.
I call bullshit. I know insecure when I see it. He wouldn’t shut up on purpose.
“Do you mind giving me a minute?” Alexis says.
“No problem. I’ll be over there. I want to call my family with the news.”
“Okay,” she says with a tight smile. “Anthony, listen, I know this all seems messed up. He just
proposed tonight. I told him I’d say yes if I could get a divorce.”
“Yet, you have the ring on your finger,” I bite out.
“Only because he insisted. Ant, I’m only trying to breathe and get through—”
“Through what? You walked out on me. You left without a word. Now you’re engaged?”
“You don’t understand. I didn’t want any of this to happen. None of this is what I wanted.”
“You know what, I’ll give you what you want. I’ll be here for at least another day and a half. You
get me those papers, I’ll sign.”
I pull my card from my pocket and hand it to her. She looks at me with tears in her eyes. Fuck her
tears.
“How have you been?” she breathes.
“Like you care,” I sneer and turn to walk away.

***

Alexis

“I know you said he was a big guy, but damn,” Eric says beside me in the cab.
Oh God, why does he sound so corny right now? I mean, he’s never had any real swag, but it’s
amplified now after seeing Anthony. I miss my husband so much. I almost called him Ox. The
nickname is fitting.
I wish he knew how much I care and know about his life. I’ve never stopped caring. I only started
seeing Eric because I was lonely.
 At thirty, I miss being a woman in all senses of the word. I left that behind with Anthony. Just
seeing his face brought back so many memories.
Not that I’ve allowed myself to go there with Eric, but I thought maybe I could, eventually. I’m
lying to myself. However, I can’t go back to Vander or Bridge Lake and New York is such a lonely
place to be.
Always people around, but still no one to call your own. I got tired of writing songs and eating
Chinese food in my apartment by myself. The pain of my father’s suicide left me feeling depressed for
a while.
I mean, my one and only attempt to go back home was an epic fail. I ran back to New York so fast
my head spun. Kid has been the one to keep me from falling completely apart. I’m so grateful to her
for her visits and reports.
Eric has been asking me out for years. When word got back to me that Anthony had been flirting
with Kid—my own damn spy and best friend, I went through the stages of grief before deciding
maybe it was time for me to move on.
Eric happened to ask me out at a really vulnerable moment, and I said yes. Kind of like tonight
when he proposed. I had no intention of trying to get in touch with Anthony to ask for a divorce.
I thought I’d give it some time and then I’d say I couldn’t reach him or something before breaking
things off. Eric can be persistent, so I thought this was the best way to handle him. Then I smacked
right into Anthony.
“I’d say this was destiny, baby,” Eric rambles on.
I say nothing. I don’t know what made me introduce them. I was stunned.
Part of me was fighting to not jump into Anthony’s arms. He looked so angry. Maybe it’s time I set
him free, even if I don’t plan to marry Eric.
“You know, if I weren’t a self-confident guy, I’d be nervous after seeing that guy,” Eric says, his
voice betraying his words.
“Nothing to worry about. That’s water under the bridge,” I say, the words tasting like ash.
“I’ll have my lawyer draw up those papers ASAP. We can catch him before he leaves town.”
“Aren’t you flying out tomorrow?” I say absently.
“Not until late tomorrow night. I can be there with you to get the signature if you like.”
“No, I’ll take care of it. Maybe he can come by the session or something.”
“Right, you’re writing for that new singer. You’re booked for the studio tomorrow,” he says the
words as if he’s relieved.
Gah, how has this become my life? Every time Ven has asked me to come back to Vander to go in
on her business and start a motocross division, I’ve wanted to run back. Don’t get me wrong, I love
making music and have penned a number of hits, but I miss home more than I ever thought I could.
“Hey, babe, I can’t come up tonight. I need to go home and pack for my trip,” Eric says, breaking
into my thoughts.
I want to know who invited him up. He hasn’t been up to my apartment in the year that we’ve been
seeing each other. I hope he didn’t think our engagement earned him a pass. If ever I wanted to call my
father and tell him to fix his shit, now would be that time for sure.
I wonder if he could have turned this around. Before his death, Kid said he still ran in the same
circles even as his patterns were changing. Vander’s shadows, the people who move the city but
aren’t seen.
I know my father was involved in things that could get Anthony some serious time. Probably not
as much time as my father would have served himself, but still nothing light. I rub my temples as my
thoughts weigh me down.
“That’s fine. I’ll see you tomorrow,” I say politely to Eric.
Stepping out of the cab, I head into my apartment building. As I ride up in the elevator, I close my
eyes and swear I can smell Anthony’s cologne. I pull the card from my purse and stare at it. It’s a
simple navy card with silver writing. Bold and strong like the man himself.
“I miss you so much,” I say into the quiet of the elevator.
It wasn’t supposed to be this way. I want my life back, but I can’t hold him back. If I can’t return,
it’s time I let him go. Maybe Eric is right, and this is fate’s way of making me set my husband free.
Chapter 12
Nothing Matters

Anthony

I’m still pissed about the Skittles situation. I don’t like all the trust we’re putting into this Danny dude.
He could turn the tables at any time, but I also know it’s not time to reveal who I am.
Shawna seems to mean a lot to Skittles. I know the feeling. Pit and Leo have no idea how much I
care or what I’d do for them. Scarlett can drive you crazy, but if some guy ever put his hands on her,
I’d take his life without thinking.
That leads me to another thought. I heard everything Skittles said, but my mind keeps telling me
the picture is much bigger than what we’re looking at. I shake my head clear. I have no doubts we’ll
handle whatever is going on.
I look down at the text on my phone and then back up at the door I’m standing in front of to make
sure it’s the right one. It’s late, I’m not trying to ring the wrong doorbell. New Yorkers are different.
There was a time when I would protect the woman behind this door with my life. If she were in
danger, I’d turn the world inside out for her. Now, knowing she’s on the other side of this door, my
mouth fills with a bitter acid-like taste.
I contemplate shitting on her doorstep and leaving. Fuck signing her divorce papers. She can
figure that shit out on her own time.
I force myself to ring the bell before I decide to do something crazy. Leaning against the
doorjamb, I wait. When she cracks the door open, my breath is taken away.
Last night her hair was pulled up on top of her head in a ponytail. Tonight, it’s in silky straight
layers that frame her face. It throws me back in time to when we first started dating and she took her
braids out. She’d gone to get a wash and set, as she called it.
When she showed up for our date, she looked much like this. It’s stunning on her. It makes her
small brown face doll-like. Her full lips and button nose stand out.
I was always a little disappointed when she’d put the braids back in. My brain tickles for a
moment, telling me I’m missing something. I shake the thought off as she backs up and opens the door
wider.
I step inside and I’m hit hard by that cocoa butter and fruity scent that always clings to her skin.
My sheets smelled like her long after she was gone. I loved and hated it.
“Can I get you something to eat or drink?”
“No,” I say sternly and have to bite down on the rest of my harsh words.
Looking around, I find myself with so many questions. What didn’t I do? Why didn’t she stay?
Why couldn’t she wait?
I never said we wouldn’t move, I only said I couldn’t go right at that time. Was she really that
embarrassed by me? I tighten my fists against all those questions I refuse to ask.
“I stopped to get a few beers in case you wanted one. I’ve had a few wine coolers to settle my
nerves,” she says nervously.
 “I have a flight to catch tomorrow. It’s late. Where are the papers?”
“Oh, okay,” she says softly, dropping her head.
I turn to take her in. It’s not lost on me that she’s nervous. Why?
“Where’s Derrick?”
“It’s Eric,” she scoffs. “He should be at the airport, I guess.”
I narrow my eyes at her. “You don’t know if your fiancé is at the airport or not? Good luck to
him.”
“Ant—”
“Papers, Alexis.”
She stares up at me, tears gathering. Fuck her tears. I pull a face and lift my hands as I shrug.
“You want this, so let’s go. You already called me out late as fuck for this shit.”
“You said you’re leaving tomorrow. I had a sixteen-hour block out. I told you to come to the
studio…”
She trails off as I glare at her. I had to be at the race to watch Pit’s back. I’d never leave him
hanging for her again. By the time the party started at the hotel, it felt like I needed to be there. Not
here, signing for some shit I never asked for.
Don’t ask me why I don’t want this divorce. I don’t know what I want anymore.
“I’m here on business. I didn’t have time. It’s now or never.”
She nods. “Okay.”
She turns her back to me and I swear she gives a quiet sniffle. I follow her to the table in her
dining area. This is a cute place, bigger than my first apartment in Vander. Was that the problem?
“Who cares?” I say under my breath.
“What’s that?”
“Nothing.”
“Are you sure I can’t get you something?”
I drop my gaze to her ass. She’s always had a nice ass. She’s seat heavy, that shit that looks
amazing bouncing on your dick and feels just as good in your palms. Not a full bubble, but a fat pear.
She looks over her shoulder at me and smiles. I’m not falling for that shit. She’s poison and I
know it.
Her phone buzzes on the table next to the papers. She looks down at it and frowns. I catch a
glimpse and read the text.
Eric: Did he sign?
I don’t know why that shit makes me see red. I reach for the phone and unlock it. I look at her and
lift a brow. She still uses my birthday for her code. She bites her lip as she looks at me through her
lashes.
Alexis: No
I text that asshole back. Closing out her text app, the soft music playing in the apartment registers.
Wanting to know how much else hasn’t changed, I open her music app.
Sure enough, I find what I’m looking for in her recently played. I change the song to “Nothing
Even Matters” and set the phone down. Payback is a bitch. Something she’s about to learn.
I’m going to fuck her to within an inch of her last breath before I sign this bullshit. I crowd her
space, backing her into the nearest wall. She places her hands on my chest and bites down on her lip.
I drop my eyes down to her blouse that gapes open, revealing the tops of her breasts. Smoothly, I
palm one and reach to cup her ass with the other hand. Looking down into her honey-colored eyes, I
get lost for a moment. The room is charged with undeniable energy.
 I ghost my lips over hers, then move to do the same with my nose. How can we have this and
mean nothing to each other? I know she has to feel it. I quickly shut that thought down.
“Fuck your fiancé. You were mine first,” I say in her ear.
“Anthony,” she breathes as I pop her jeans open and shove my hand inside.
She’s wet and I’ve barely touched her. I work her pussy as she lifts on her toes. She looks me in
the eyes as if pleading.
“You’re still my wife. Let me fuck you one last time before I erase you from my memory for the
rest of my life.”
Pain fills her eyes. Good, let her feel how I felt. Not that this is real, she’s acting. She never cared
for me.
I take her lips before she speaks, and I change my mind. The moment our lips touch, I know I
should back away and get the fuck out of here. Sparks fly and it’s like no time has passed between us.
I rip her shirt open, the sound of buttons flying pinging back to my ears. I groan into her mouth and
lift her onto my waist. Deepening the kiss, I shut my brain down. This is nothing more than a random
fuck.

***

Alexis

I can feel the anger rolling off him. I should push him away, but I want my husband. I want to soothe
his anger away.
I want to tell him what really happened and that I never stopped loving him, but I hold all of that
in as I get lost in his touch. Anthony’s thick hands are huge. He could palm my entire head with one.
When he grabs my ass and squeezes, the touch shoots through my body. His kisses are hungry, but
something changes quickly. He goes from kissing me like he misses me as much as I miss him to
kissing me like a stranger.
I hate the disconnection I feel. I need him, all of him. I’m falling apart without him. I hate my life.
Sometimes, I have to wonder if I did the right thing after all.
“Anthony,” I cry out as he tugs my bra cup down and wraps his mouth around my nipple.
He looks up at me with so much lust in his eyes before lunging for my lips again. I hold on to his
face, grinding against him as I tighten my legs around his waist.
He backs away from the wall, with me still in his arms. He doesn’t break the kiss as he carries me
over to my couch. The song playing has me in my feelings.
If only he knew. He’s all that matters. I’m so sorry I didn’t figure something else out. I ran for him,
to keep him safe.
He places me on the couch and peels me out of my jeans. I’m already wet for him. I’ve dreamed
of this for so long.
“Please,” I cry out when he settles between my legs and starts to devour me.
He hums, backing away long enough to tug his shirt off. My God, this man has bulked up. His
chest is more ripped than I remember.
 He latches on to my pussy like it’s one of those triangle push pops they used to give out at school.
He sucks and licks like he’s trying to get every drop of the sweet treat out. I push back into the couch,
but I have nowhere to go. I throw a leg over the back of the cushions and lift my hips as if that’s going
to help.
“Oh God, baby, yes,” I scream as he adds two fingers.
He palms my breast with his free hand and squeezes. I used to want bigger breasts like my
cousins, but Anthony made me appreciate my body for what it is. As if reading my mind, he moves up
my stomach with open-mouthed kisses.
I’m lust drunk by the time he latches on to my nipple while rolling the other between his fingers.
He groans, but he won’t look up at me. I run my hand through the front of his hair.
I noticed last night that it’s shorter on top. His natural curls aren’t coming through the way they
used to. Now it falls in thick waves.
The facial hair is new and sexy as hell. His appearance is so well groomed and manly. He’s not
the twenty-one-year-old young man I married. Sadness fills me. We’ve lost so much.
I truly love him. I reach to brush my thumb across his brow, and he looks at me through those long
lashes. I smile at him. His eyes soften and he releases my nipple to move in for my lips.
I cling to him, holding the back of his head tightly. He drinks from my lips like this will really be
the last time. Breaking the kiss too soon, he backs away and shakes his head.
I watch as he strips from the rest of his clothes. Damn, I thought his chest was nice. Anthony is the
real deal. Again, his nickname pops in my head.
Ox is more than fitting. I wonder how he feels about his older brother naming him that. I push the
question to the back of my mind.
His body is chiseled to perfection. He hasn’t missed leg, arm, or chest day. This man has handled
the assignment with the utmost understanding and respect.
“Come here,” he commands as he palms his length and starts to stroke it.
I stand up eagerly and drop to my knees before him. It’s been so long since I’ve given head, but
for him, I’ll figure it out.
“Just like that, Lex.”
I smile around his girth as he calls me by my nickname. He always used to use it with such
affection. I miss that.
I feel like I should have done some mouth exercises before attempting this, but I don’t back down.
He begins to pump his hips, scooping my hair up into his hands. He halts my movements as he pushes
all the way in and stills.
I choke and gag around him. He pulls out only to push back in. My eyes water, but I’ve missed him
so much I can’t seem to care.
His grip is biting and the look on his face says he’s barely holding on. He pulls from my mouth,
leaving me choking as he moves to sit on the couch. I reach behind my back to unclasp my bra.
Quickly, I stand and move between his legs. He reaches for my waist and turns me until my back
faces him. I look over my shoulder as he grabs his dick and holds it up as he tugs me down onto it.
I slide down onto him slowly. It’s like the first time all over again. He’s so big and I’m so tight.
Thankfully, I’m wet enough for him to slide in with some ease. I fall back against his chest with a
sigh.
“Fuck, Alexis,” he groans.
He lifts my legs out at my sides and starts to rock up into me. I reach behind him for the couch to
hold on and gain some leverage. I’m able to bounce back as he holds me open.
 Releasing one leg, he reaches for my clit. I cry out loudly as my eyes cross. It’s been so long, it
only takes a few minutes for me to start to convulse, my leg shaking in his grasp.
I bite my tongue to keep from crying out how much I love him. I close my eyes and shudder as he
roars and pumps his seed deep inside me.
Just as I remember, it doesn’t stop there. For the next three hours, my husband fucks my brains out
all over my apartment. Once he gets me into my bedroom, I don’t know how much more I can take, but
I take it all.
Chapter 13
T hat’s a No

Anthony

I wake and don’t know where I am at first. Then her scent and memories of last night hit me. My anger
rises all over again.
I look down at her lying across my chest and frown. Then it dawns on me that my phone is what
woke me. I reach for it and check my text. It’s from Pit. We’re leaving around four.
I think of sticking around for another round, but fuck that shit. I need to rip this Band-Aid off and
be done with it, but not before I deliver the final blow. I pick up her phone that’s next to mine.
I open it and take a picture of her sleeping on my bare chest. With a smile on my lips, I load the
pic in a text to that dick who texted her last night.
Papers still not signed. I caption it and toss the phone back on the nightstand.
I slide from under her body. Once in the living room, I dress. Moving over to the table with the
papers, I pluck the pen away and scowl down at the papers it rolls beside.
I pull a Sharpie from my pocket and bite the cap off, then scroll across the top. I grunt in
satisfaction and turn to leave.
“Fuck her engagement,” I mutter as I walk out the door.
If she wants a divorce, she can come to Vander and get it.

***

Alexis

I’m stuck somewhere between consciousness and sleep as my thoughts ramble. You can always tell
him what happened and maybe he’ll forgive you. He can move here. We can both forget about
Vander.
He works for his brother now. Maybe he’s told him everything and he doesn’t have to stay
around to watch over him. Talk to him. You saw he still loves you. It was in his eyes, that’s why he
wouldn’t look at you for long.
The annoying sound of my phone buzzing brings me fully awake. I sit up and palm my forehead.
The first thing I note is that Anthony is gone. My shoulders sag.
I don’t know why I half expected him to still be here. I furrow my brows. My phone is going off
like crazy. Texts are chiming and calls are buzzing. My phone is never this popping.
I reach for it to see what’s going on. I have a ton of missed calls and text messages from Eric. I
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 “Oh, a tent will be good enough for the card-players!” was the
contemptuous reply.
“I never heard of such management! I shan’t come to this blessed
ball!”
“Oh yes you will,” returned Miss Valpy, serenely. She was already
at work, collecting and piling up newspapers. “Think of the prawns
and pomphret coming all the way from Bombay, and how
disappointed they would be not to see you!”
“Ah, and the Agra beauty who is also expected—Miss Glossop;
she will cut you all out! Ha, ha, ha!” retorted Colonel Sladen, with
angry exultation.
“That’s what people generally say of a girl they have never seen,”
rejoined Miss Valpy, coolly sweeping spills off the chimney-piece.
“Now, I have seen her. There are twenty prettier faces in Shirani.”
“Including the face of Miss Valpy!” with ferocious sarcasm.
“It is extremely kind of you to say so,” making him a mocking
curtsey, “and for once I am quite of your opinion.”
Colonel Sladen could not find any appropriate retort beyond some
inarticulate emotional noises.
“Fanny”—to her sister—“help Mrs. Glover and Mrs. Bell. Abdar”—
to a servant—“take out all the chairs into the verandah, and send in
the coolies to lift the table.”
Thus the smoking-room was stormed, and its lawful tenants
scattered abroad by bold, domineering, and unscrupulous women. It
was true that every department had been told off; the senior ladies
had undertaken the supper-room. There were to be little tables for
four—quite a novel departure; and on the day of the ball there was
scarcely a small table left in any private house in Shirani—the
bachelors had borrowed every one, as well as armchairs, rugs, and
draperies. Rookwood was almost swept and garnished, in answer to
the demands of Mrs. Brande’s “boy” Mark. Mrs. Langrishe, careful
soul, had declined to lend one single chair or candlestick. It would
have established a precedent. She, however, was good enough to
spare her niece, who demonstrated that she could work hard, and
decorate, and arrange flowers, when she pleased, and was full of
clever expedients. She and Toby Joy presided over the
arrangements of the long verandahs, and divided them with screens,
palms, and sofas, hung up lamps, flags, and draperies, and devised
numbers of sitting-out nooks with curiously sympathetic details and
elaborate care. Their merry bursts of laughter continually penetrated
to the ball-room, where a large party, by means of ladders,
hammers, and nails, were festooning the walls with miles of bazaar
muslin. Each department had its own special staff, and they
embellished according to their collective taste, and in friendly rivalry
with their neighbours.
One gang of workers visited another in order to offer their opinion
and encouragement, and most of the young people enjoyed the
decorations every whit as much as the grand result—the ball itself.
Honor, Mrs. Sladen, and half a dozen men and maidens were
posted to the reception rooms and card-tent, and, strange to say,
Honor and Mark Jervis shared the same hammer and bag of nails.
Personal history has its epochs: brief seasons, during which life is
fuller than usual. Never had the life of these two young people
seemed so fruitful of pleasant events as at the present time!
Miss Valpy, the valiant leader of the forlorn hope which stormed
the smoking-room, was resting from her labours. Lunch for the
workers was to be served in an al fresco fashion in the back
verandah. Meanwhile she reposed in a coign of vantage, an
interested and lynx-eyed spectator. She did not rest alone; her
companion, Mr. Skeggs—the youth who considered a young man a
reward in himself—lolled lazily beside her.
He was a little afraid of Miss Valpy, her sharp tongue occasionally
penetrated the rhinoceros hide of his conceit. But somehow the other
girls had not encouraged his assistance, which—to tell the truth—
had chiefly consisted in dropping packets of tacks about the floor
and lavishing uncomplimentary criticism.
“This ought to be a ripping ball,” remarked the youth complacently.
“Awfully well done. Some of them are working like niggers.” And he
grinned like a schoolboy.
“I am glad to see that you have a generous appreciation of other
people’s efforts,” rejoined the young lady sternly.
“Ah, well, yes”—stroking his exceedingly faint moustache. “I say, I
wonder who will be the belle to-night? Who do you think the prettiest
girl in Shirani? I bar the married ladies.”
“That is something very novel. Prettiest girl,” she repeated
speculatively. “Well, Miss Clover is the most strictly good-looking, her
features the most correctly in drawing.”
“Yes; only she always looks as if she was dressed up to sit or
stand and be stared at, like a wax figure with a label, ‘The public are
requested not to touch.’ You could not imagine her playing a hard set
of tennis, or riding to hounds, or braving wet weather.”
“No”—sarcastically—“I fancy she would ‘come off’ badly.”
“Miss Paske is the most lively of the lot. She has such a piquante,
wicked little face. On the whole I give her the preference. I like to talk
and dance with her, but I funk a tête-à-tête or a long walk, for she is
just the sort of girl who would propose for a fellow like a shot.”
“I am sure you need not be the least uneasy or afraid of putting
temptation in her way,” rejoined Miss Valpy. “You may enjoy her
company with impunity. You would not suit her at all, as you are
neither rich, good-looking, clever, or, indeed, distinguished for
anything but an enormous amount of conceit; and the amusement it
affords us is your only redeeming quality.”
Mr. Skeggs again stroked his little moustache, blinked his white
eyelashes fatuously, and giggled like a girl.
“Crushed—not to say squashed,” he groaned.
“You admire Miss Paske,” continued the young lady scornfully.
“Just what I would have expected of you! Now, in my opinion, she is
not to be named in the same hour with Honor Gordon. What lovely
eyes she has!”
 “Yes; Miss Gordon with her fiddle and her figure is hard to beat. As
to her eyes—I suppose they have never happened to scorch you?
She is too stand-off; she is a woman’s girl. To tell you the truth, she
frightens me.”
“Poor timid little soldier! No doubt you mean that she never flatters
you; and I admit that her honest frankness sometimes takes away
my breath. However, she does not terrify other men—for instance,”
and she paused expressively, “Mr. Jervis.”
“No;” pursing up his mouth and raising his eyebrows. “I should not
say he shrank from her. And who do you consider the best-looking
man in Shirani, Miss Valpy? Your taste is so cultivated.”
“Present company always excepted?” with a mocking glance out
of the corner of her eye.
He nodded with a solemn acquiescence.
“Mr. Jervis, of course,” was her promptly off-hand opinion.
“Oh, come—I say,” expostulated the youth.
“Yes, I will say that he is extremely handsome; not in the big
moustache, hooked-nose, bold brigand-style. He has a noble air; the
shape of his head, the cast of his features, the expression of his
eyes, embody my idea of a hero.”
“A hero!” ejaculated her listener. “Great Scot! A pity he has no way
of showing what stuff he is made of, beyond beating buffaloes away
from old ladies.”
“Yes, it is a pity. However, his opportunity may come yet. It is also
a still greater pity that one can never praise one man to another.”
“Well,” nursing his knee meditatively, “I will admit that Jervis is
passable, and looks clean bred——”
“Thank you, that is very kind of you. Does it not strike you that he
is afflicted with an old-fashioned infirmity, and is decidedly shy?”
“Shy!” he almost shouted. “Jervis shy? Ha, ha, ha!”
“Well, he is with ladies.”
 “Oh, you may call it by whatever name you please. I call it
fastidiousness. At any rate he is not shy with men. No fear! Only last
night at the club some cad made a caddish remark, and it was not
our hoary secretary who took it up and went for him, or any of the old
chaps, but Jervis. By George, he gave him pepper. Went slap down
his throat, spurs and all. A man’s man you know, and popular. He
can sing a good song, make a rattling good speech, and is as active
as a cat; you should see him take a run, and jump standing on the
billiard-room chimney-piece.”
“What, Jervis? My Jervis?” in a tone of affected horror.
“Ahem! Well, I am not so sure of his being your Jervis,” drawled
Mr. Skeggs.
“No; and I am positively certain that he is not, in the sense you
mean. I must confess that I should like to study him.”
“Would you?” sarcastically. “You will not find him easy to classify or
to fit into any of the usual pigeon-holes; he is a fellow who has a
singular gift of self-control—consumes his own smoke, you know.”
“Why you have been unbending your great mind and studying him
yourself! What do you make him out to be?”
“I make him out to be a curiosity—a mixture of an Arcadian
shepherd, a London swell, and the rich young man in the Bible.”
“You overwhelm me completely, especially by your last simile. Why
the rich young man in the Bible?”
“Because he kept all the commandments.”
“Oh!” drawing a long breath, “he must be as wonderful a rarity as
the great auk. As for an Arcadian shepherd, I see what you mean.
He has got what some one called an out-of-door mind. I have not. I
should loathe Arcadia, and green swards, and be-ribboned crooks,
and skipping lambs. To let you into a dead, dead secret, I can never
see a lamb without thinking of mint sauce!”
“Shame! Shame!” exclaimed Mr. Skeggs, in tragic tones. “Well,
Miss Gordon,” to Honor, who had approached their nook, “how are
you getting on with that grand scheme of mirrors and draperies?”
 “Very badly. It would have been finished long ago, only some
unprincipled people from the ball-room made raids on me, and
carried off both my hammers, all my pins, and two of my best
Phoolcarries. What do you call that?” appealing for sympathy to Miss
Valpy.
“I call it a beastly shame,” said Toby Joy, who had joined her,
speaking with much virtuous indignation—Toby, who himself had
been one of the most audacious robbers.
“I call it, Honor among thieves,” remarked Jervis, who happened to
be passing by.
Miss Valpy looked after him attentively. No, that young man was by
no means shy.
“I have made no end of beautiful kala-juggas,” continued Toby,
complacently; “there ought to be half a dozen engagements to-
night,” and he nodded his head and rubbed his hands ecstatically.
“I thought kala-juggas were not allowed,” retorted Miss Valpy,
severely.
“Fine man traps,” growled Colonel Sladen, who had just arrived to
offer criticism and obtain lunch. “But girls don’t go off as they used to
do in my bachelor days. Girls,” looking hard at Miss Valpy, “are a
drug in the market.”
“There is another view, that may not have occurred to you,” she
answered, snatching up the gauntlet thus flung in her face. “They are
undoubtedly more difficile than when you were a young man. They
may have heard the good old motto, ‘Look before you leap!’”
Toby Joy sniggered audibly, and Colonel Sladen, turning savagely
upon him, demanded, “what the devil he was laughing at?”
Toby, slightly cowed by the cantonment magistrate’s beetling
brows and fierce demeanour, blandly answered with an impudent
twinkle—
“I was only thinking of something I was told just now. Mrs.
Tompkins’ English-speaking Bearer announced to her to-day that the
goose had four pups!”
 There was a shout of laughter at this startling item of natural
history; but Colonel Sladen was still unappeased, and would have
pitilessly pressed home his question, but for Mr. Skeggs, who cried
with great presence of mind—
“There is Jervis coming back; what is he saying? Ah!”—with a
gesture of delight—“Lunch—lunch—lunch.’ Shows he is an alien, or
it would have been ‘Tiffin—tiffin—tiffin.’”
“Ladies and gentlemen,” said Jervis, making a profound bow,
“luncheon awaits you; and Mrs. Loyd requests me to announce that
as you are here to work and not to play, you are only allowed twenty
minutes for refreshments.”
“Mrs. Loyd is as bad as an East End sweater,” grumbled Mr.
Skeggs, handing Miss Valpy down from their mutual perch.
“You may tell Mrs. Loyd from me, that I won’t work a second over
the eight hours,” cried Toby; and, offering his arm to Miss Paske,
they waltzed across the ball-room, “just to try the floor.”
“Pray observe,” whispered Miss Valpy, as she and her escort
seated themselves before a recherché cold luncheon, “how your
man’s man, Mr. Jervis, takes care to secure a place beside a
woman’s girl. Can you explain that?”
“No,” seizing a pair of carvers as he spoke. “Just at present I
prefer to explore the contents of this most interesting-looking raised
pie.”
 CHAPTER XXIX.
MARK JERVIS IS UNMASKED.

At nine o’clock—Indian balls are punctual and early—many lights

were to be seen converging in all directions towards the club. The
oldest inhabitant scarcely recognized it, it was so completely
metamorphosed, and turned back to front and upside down. The
general effect was dazzling—Persian carpets, rich draperies,
Chinese lanterns, Japanese screens, great palms, abounded in the
verandahs, and the ball-room was a blaze of candles, mirrors, and
pink muslin. The reception rooms were blocked up by girls and men,
busy with programmes and pencils.
Among the girls, no one was so closely besieged as Honor
Gordon. She was looking quite lovely, in a new white ball-dress, with
a diamond star among her dark locks (Uncle Pelham’s birthday gift).
As for Mrs. Brande, in a black gown, no one had ever seen her
attired to such advantage. She was both handsome and dignified in
her velvet and diamonds, so different to her usual parti-coloured
“reach-me-down” costumes. Honor had composed the costume, and
it did her credit.
Dancing commenced with all the go and briskness of a hill ball.
There were no lazy, lounging men in doorways, and but few
wallflowers; moreover, there were a good many new faces, and not a
few pretty new frocks. It was going to be a brilliant success.
“I have come to Shirani for six seasons,” said Mrs. Brande to Mark
(they were sitting out a dance), “and I ought to know the club well.
But I give you my word I don’t know which room I am in!” (A higher
compliment was impossible.) “I have never seen anything like this!
Where did you get such grand ideas? and such extravagant notions,
eh? for I may say that you have managed this ball.”
Mark laughed rather constrainedly, and made no reply.
 “So I hear your cousin is engaged to Miss Potter?” continued the
lady.
“So I am told—but not by himself. I rather expected him here to-
night.”
“Money to money, of course,” pursued the matron, discontentedly;
“and poverty marries poverty. There is Honor—she is so afraid of
what people may think, that she is barely civil to any one who has a
penny beyond his pay. She is downright stand-off with Sir Gloster
and Captain Waring. She will marry a pauper, of course, if she ever
marries, and be poor and proud till she goes down to her grave!”
Mark’s eyes followed Mrs. Brande’s fond glance, and rested on a
radiant vision with laughing eyes, who was endeavouring to arrange
a dispute between two partners. She did not give one the impression
of being either poor or proud, at present.
Yes, the dance was going off splendidly. The new-comers had all
been provided with partners; the refreshments were perfect; there
was not too much salt in the ices, or sugar in the cup. The setting-out
arrangements were greatly appreciated, and the excellent band was
sober to a man.
One of the strangers had been waltzing with Honor Gordon; he
was a brisk young fellow, who was going to be something some day,
and was seeing the world as a preliminary step. He kept his eyes
open, and carried a note-book, and had run up to Shirani in order to
visit his brother, and gather statistics and local colour. As they came
to a halt, he panted out rather breathlessly—
“So you have got that fellow Jervis here?” nodding to where he
was standing, exactly opposite. “Jervis, the millionaire, as of course
you know?”
“Oh no; it is his cousin, Captain Waring, who goes by that name.”
“He certainly was giving that impression at Simla, and was about
to be engaged to an heiress on the strength of it; but I put a stop to
his game,” said the little man, complacently.
 “You did! And may I ask why?” regarding him with great
astonishment.
“Why? Why should I not expose an impostor?”
“I think we must be at cross purposes, and speaking of different
people,” said the young lady, rather stiffly.
“I think not; but we can go into that later. Do not let us lose this
capital waltz.”
When they had taken two more turns round the room, they came
to a halt, and he suddenly recommenced—
“Waring has not a penny to bless himself with. Nothing but debts.
He left the Rutlands a ruined man, ruined by his own folly.”
“And Mr. Jervis?”
“Is the rich young man,” he rejoined impressively.
His companion’s incredulity was so plainly depicted on her
countenance, that he added—
“Yes, I am not joking. That good-looking young fellow over there,
near the door, who is talking to the girl in pink. I came out with him
on board ship last October. He and Waring were going to do a tour—
Waring was a sort of companion, and genteel courier. I must say that
the young fellow was shamefully mobbed by a lot of snobs, who
believed him to be a second Count de Monte Christo. He is really the
adopted son of a rich City man, called Pollitt—Pollitt’s barley, you
know,” with an explanatory nod—“and he will probably have an
immense fortune. He is naturally fond of a quiet life, and seemed to
loathe all display or ostentation. Some of the women drove him to sit
all day in the smoking-room. They accompanied him fore and aft,
and even down to the engine-room. For, you see, he is a good-
looking, gentlemanly boy; none of the poultry grain about him, eh?”
Honor felt as if she was in a dream; her head was reeling. All her
ideas about the position of the two cousins were thus suddenly
reversed. The news was indeed a revelation, and extremely difficult
to realize.
 “I suppose you are quite in earnest,” she faltered at last. “But do
you know, that Captain Waring and Mr. Jervis were here together for
weeks, and neither of them ever gave us a hint of your version of the
story. It was Captain Waring who made plans, entertained, and
lavished money—”
“Yes, he was always a first-class hand at that! He spent Jervis’s
money, I do assure you. Jervis lay low for the sake of a quiet life; he
has no expensive tastes. But it was all a plant!”
“Then, if what you tell me is correct, I think I should call it a
shameful hoax,” said the young lady, inwardly writhing under the
sting of many memories. “It was abominably deceitful of Mr. Jervis.”
“Did he ever tell you or any one that he was a pauper?”
“No!” she admitted reluctantly. “I cannot say that he did; but he
acted the part, which was all the same.”
“Ah, my dear Miss Gordon, surely you have often heard that
appearances are deceitful. Positively you seem quite annoyed to find
that Jervis is a very rich man.”
“I am,” she rejoined with indescribable dignity.
“Your state of mind is deliciously unique! How would it have been,
had he pretended to be rich, and turned out to be a beggar?” And he
eyed her with irritating steadiness.
“He has taken us all in; it was too bad of him! And if he is so
wealthy, what can have detained him at Shirani? He has been here
more than two months, and seems to be a fixture. He came in April,
and has never left the station for a day. Every one thought it was
because he could not afford to move about. What does it mean?”
and she in her turn surveyed him with searching eyes.
“Ah!” with a laugh, “that riddle is quite beyond me; but I think, if
you were to apply to some young lady in Shirani, she might answer
the question. Let me suggest his present partner, the girl in pink?”

END OF VOL. II.

*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MR. JERVIS,
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