Days passed by, and I was dreading the moment when | would have to see him again. But then Irealized, | need this; Ineed closure. This man not only completely destroyed my senior year, but also worsened ‘my mental state. Thanks to my mind, ve blocked out much of the pain he caused me but | lost any ‘memories | had from the summer. Enough damage was done that sometimes my eyes go black and see him in front of me, touching me, and I can physically fel it, |can feel his hands, !can hear his voice, telling me things. These flashbacks take control over my body and make me feel helpless and weak. |am terrified everyday that the slightest trigger will awaken the painful memories that are inside me. I's ‘exhausting to constantly be battling these fears and anvleties because reminders are everywhere, | have ‘absolutely no control over my mind. Isit through multiple counseling and EMDR therapy sessions to start making me feel lke living again. | have missed so much school just attempting to start feeling like a normal gil again. My grades went down the drain as focused entirely on not biacking out every time something reminded me of the trauma he gave to me. My depression skyrocketed, | know that the people in my life are watching me carefully or fear of my depression leading to even more self-harm. | fee! the eyes follow me at school and in my house, wherever | go. And not just the loving eyes of the people who care about me, but also the ruthless eyes of kids at school. The kids who, {a5 soon as they heard the news, knew | was the girl who's coach sexually assaulted her. | could not ‘escape from the rumors and bullying. | hid in bathrooms during class, and did anything to get out of, sitting through hours of kids who tormented me. Nothing | did could stop the flow of notes into my backpack calling me a slut ora whore, or being asked if | was the girl who would get raped for free. Scott not only broke my trust, but everyone around me trusts as well. He, being an adult who | trusted, manipulated me and used the knowledge of my past sexual assaults to take advantage of my vulnerability. | will never ever be able to trust an adult like | used to again. Before him, | had looked up ‘0 adults as someone I could trust. Now I look at them with fear and hesitation inthe back of my mind. The overwhelming feeling ofthe fight or flight response is always triggered, leaving me feeling constantly on edge and never truly at ease. Scott completely changed the way ook at the world Instead of seeing it as a place where | could grow and learn, with the understanding that challenges would come up, Ilive each day with the mindset that something horrible is going to happen. But this ‘time, Ill know how to get past the men who pull at my clothes and don't listen to my words. The trusted ‘adults who use what they know and make a lst of things they'll do to me after they earn my trust. The ‘people who so easily ruin every single thing I've spent my entre life building lke it’s nothing