My Heart beating hard!

Bumping my head into this world of sand, one day I reached to the point that how much
now I have to cover in my weeping heart and being depressed my faulty mind was rolling
around the defeated me. Yeah, all is that I was not that…. like the rising expectations and
the new day with a fresh breeze reaching to the bright soul. No, it was not my shadow but a
dark effect of mine seemed to them as a horror feel of dark horses, so embarrassed to
watch the happy place of lie bugs. What a fantastic scene it was! The red sea everyone was
seeing as a wonder but my eyes realized as the dying blood of many social animals flowing
in a smooth way. How cruel the world was to me…. converted me into a new version of
feelings today.

Is it everything I expected when I was a perfect book of interest for others? Wow, it’s really
surprising to verify each thought in a sorrowful way. I was always a cheap brand of choice
for others but really the world meant to me like a joyful place of love. Life seems to be
strange when we lost us in the horror screams of death and pain…. Death and pain of not
the lively ones but of the non-lively souls present in many bodies. Sometimes, I become so
glad to meet my memories of laughter when I laughed on the taunts I received, when I
laughed on my stupidity and when I laughed holding tears in my blinking eyes.

I never come to know that life is not created by a crowd of fabulous imperfect people but is
created by the sensitive deep feelings of the reality. The fake always exist with a single
breath of mine but a single truth I was regretful for was that I am not real at all. I gave my
true feelings to the worldly characters and that was a big blunder which resulted in my
character assassination. “You are Good” an unreal so-called compliment by a friend made
me a super hero in my eyes…. I know I was not but I tried to be and at the end what I get
was that for whom I should try such hard tactics? All are loosed including me in believe, true
heart and real life…. So, with what achievement I am trying to do so? I blamed me for what I
was not ….. The complicated world developing within me assured me that I am nothing to
this world. What was that confusion that was beating me in the war of my heart and mind?

The goals with which I daily travel to complete my journey without people made me so
satisfactory as I was seeing each real moment of the playing movie around me, the black
and white color of the extras playing their role dedicatedly. The moment I stopped when I
saw the old men and women ignoring what is happening around and doing their own
emotional conversation about the day when they will leave each other forever made me sad
for a long. It was a very unique sensation when I reached to the conclusion of this bitter
society that there is no end to end because there is always a new way ready to pinch all the
flying emotions in you.

Life has always been a great book for me… a book in which there is no turning page but you
are facilitated by reading the whole life on one existing page created by the characters
rounding you sometimes like ghosts and sometimes like butterflies. Yeah, the page can be
changed but cannot be turned…. Because the reality remains on taking new shapes but
there is no turning point to it. Obviously, some positive rays are blocked by the hurdles
spreading negative vibes but it does not matter if you don’t take it as a matter ….. matter of
all those accumulations that make us new every day.

It’s not easy to swallow a selfish pat on you by some mean characters but you have to
absorb all for the sake to show yourself really a true wishing star. I was always like the
storage box in which all the good and bad was stored but when I was full, the world kicked
me from its fake boundaries in which I wanted to be respected even it was all for me to get
a hand full of love….. but unfortunately love was the most rare diamond and it is still and
will always be because money is the only way to buy love in this cruel world where we rise
with emotions and fall by money.

The thing is that we all think that nothing is a big deal...we just have to flow according to us
but what about those who actually exist within us and are the reasons of our hard heart
beat? What about those flowers which become sharp knives enough to kill the heart in the
bad seasons of life? It’s all about the concerned sections of life … we live in the room of our
choice instead of caring that maybe someone else room is created by us …. May be we are
the worst architectures to decorate someone’s room of emotions. Alas! No one wants to be
someone’s happy phase of life because happiness is only a sweet fruit of mean people
circling our souls and giving us a big flying kiss nearly to cause our death which is more
sweetly poisonous than we want.

All the days are just passing by like moments within moments to forget more than to save
but are very dangerous and follow us till the last… why good is not good? Are we too much
dumb to understand the wrong lovely environment around which we are crushing our
emotions and slowly becoming emotionless? Is it the true purpose of our struggle against
the characters we also belong to in their fake superb qualities of love and hate, of pain and
gain? It is true that we are the most weak in our temporary relations but what about the
permanent one? Have we ever thought to make our permanent relations strong in order to
get rid of the fakeness spreading and making our hearts black enough to beat hard and die?

The sticky points that should include our success in the end actually include the defeat of us
in the world and the world hereafter. Where is the true context in which our effort will be
praised? Why the pace of peace is so down that we cannot see anything in front of our
super ego? Truly some of us are bargainers of love who just want to buy it in cheap prices
even if we are offered with high standards…. We have such low peaks of every precious
emotion in our life that we pass our whole life in finding the high ones. Yes, most of the busy
flies keep on irritating us by their awful presence to give us a great tribute of self-
realization… a bad self-realization. We are the attention seekers because we want a cup of
good tea with a good morning also the good greetings for a good day…. So what is bad or
unethical in this scenario? Is it cheap? Than what is expensive… the honest dishonesty, truly
fake emotions or what …. May be the bad is the most expensive in this world… It is so good
to see us in a mirror of wrong reflection but what about the clean water giving us a clear cut
reflection of ourselves?

Are we so much artificial to identify the real us? We love the screams of our fake fans which
will let down us in the future… who knows? The muddy old memories stare me for a long
not for the people to which I belong but for the people belonged to me for a decade. I was
never rich because the real richness never touched me and may be most of us are in this
perception that we are rich by the named money which is most valued but is most valueless.
Are the steps we keep on exceeding support us to the right way? We are even not sure
about that than why we assure ourselves that yes, we are the richest in our love and money.
If we are full of assurance for our good deeds than why we do wrong? Why we don’t bother
our restless attitudes towards others who always give us rest in our tiring condition, who are
always there to keep us high in our eyes and their hearts, who become selfless to make
ourselves?