30 ROCK Part 1 of 2: "Director's Cut"

WGAw Registration #1402429

by Izmank

izmank@hotmail.com

TEASER FADE IN: INT. LIZS OFFICE - DAY LIZ is at her computer, tentatively looking at a web site. LIZ (to herself) Oh, boys... JACK enters without knocking. JACK Lemon, Ive got some-Liz jumps up from her seat. LIZ I wasnt looking up gay porn! popped out of nowhere! JACK Gays tend to do that. As she looks back at her screen: LIZ Why are they all ripped? not fair. JACK Dont envy them. I hear that it hurts Its just It

for a while, especially when you sit on a hard surface. LEMON (confused) What? (then) Oh, no. Thats not what--

2.

JACK Ive got some exciting news, Lemon. Im guessing youre familiar with the name RICK CLIFF? LIZ The actor with the signature out-thedoor goodbye-kiss? Jack nods. CUT TO: INT. MOVIE THEATER - NIGHT We see the last scene of a movie on the big screen. This particular scene takes place in the female characters house. Rick Cliff, a very handsome man in his early 30s, passionately kisses a BEAUTIFUL WOMAN. Then he opens the door and gives her one last look of love as he shuts the door behind him. CLOSE ON the woman. The End INT. MOVIE THEATER - ANOTHER NIGHT We see the last scene of another movie on the big screen. This particular scene takes place in a subway station. Rick, looking great as usual, kisses a BEAUTIFUL WOMAN goodbye as the subway door closes. CLOSE ON the woman. End INT. MOVIE THEATER - ANOTHER NIGHT We see the last scene of another movie on the big screen. This particular scene takes place out on a street. Rick gently holds a WOMANS FACE in his hands and gives her one last kiss. Then he opens the door of his cab and gets in. CLOSE ON the beautiful woman as the cab pulls away. The End CUT BACK TO: The

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INT. LIZS OFFICE - CONTINUOUS LIZ I had a huge crush on him back in college. JACK Good lord, Lemon! your junior. Hes eight years

When you were in

college... (calculating in mind) ...he was thirteen or fourteen, doing TV commercials for back to school clothes. Liz realizes hes right and opens her mouth in attempt to say something, but nothing comes out. JACK (CONTD) First under age boys, now gays- Arent you a dirty-little predator? Maybe

its time for a little tune-up with MR. WEINERSLAV. (panics) LIZ

Please dont make me go back to him. I still have nightmares from my last visit. CUT TO: INT. TRACYS DRESSING ROOM - DAY (FLASHBACK) Liz and ANGIE are in Tracys dressing room, in the middle of a conversation.

4.

LIZ ALEX could be a woman... ANGIE All Russian men are gay! each other on the mouth! (crying) Help me, Liz Lemon! CUT BACK TO: INT. LIZS OFFICE - CONTINUOUS Jack gives her a You are not making any sense look. LIZ (confused) I think that was a different flashback. JACK Well, guess what? Rick just did his They kiss

old friend a favor and signed a contract! He will be this weeks

special guest, and you better write him a great sketch. LIZ OMG! Thats great news! Wow... I

didnt know you guys knew each other, though. JACK His brother, Frank, is a friend of mine from Princeton.
(MORE)

5. JACK (CONT'D)

I havent seen Frank in last several years, but faith always found a way to keep myself and little Rick in some sort of contact. My niece dated him

for a while, and I always thought she wasnt good enough for him, then he got involved with my neighbors daughterShe was even less

desirable, to say the least. LIZ (hopeful) Maybe he has a thing for unattractive women. JACK Be careful Lemon, hes a game player. LIZ Oh, Jack! You also asked me to write

a game show based on the movie American Beauty. both? JACK Someone else can write that. How am I gonna do

6.

LIZ But I dont wanna miss out on this unique social experiment, where contestants are given perfect people with perfect lives and then asked to prove that nothing is as it seems- Im already in talks with Suri Cruise to be-JACK What? No, no, no. Thats not the

concept. (chuckles) Who would watch that? Intellectual

liberals who dont even own a TV? This show will be called FILF Island. LIZ Please tell me that it has nothing to do with MILF Islan-JACK Twenty-five horny dads and ten high school cheerleaders, on an island, hosted by Woody Allen. Liz seems disappointed, then shrugs, and: LIZ (happily) Oh well, then Im doing Rick Cliff. END OF TEASER

7.

ACT ONE INT. MAIN HALLWAY - DAY JENNA is standing in front of Tracys dressing room and staring at Rick Cliff with admiration as Jack talks to him in distance. DOT COM and GRIZZ are standing there, too. TRACY enters from his room, talking on the phone. TRACY (into phone) You gettin married?.. model?.. Which Russian

The ice-looking blonde with I know exactly which one Shes a good

anorexia?..

you talkin about. catch!..

Yeah, go ahead and send me

the invitation... Of course, Ill come. You know theres nothing I like

more than attending Russian weddings... Well, maybe Chinese

funerals, but how often does that happen? Those dudes live forever!..

OK, man, see ya. Hangs up the phone. TRACY (CONTD) (to Grizz and Dot Com) When I receive a Russian wedding invitation, I want you to first translate it and then shred it. GRIZZ Why bother then?

8.

TRACY I dont wanna be rude. TASHAQ is

like a brother to me that I wish I never had. He was always better than

me at pickin up girls, sports, and even mathematics... But I would

always beat him in science class though... with a broom stick. You

guys were there, dont you remember holdin him down? GRIZZ (embarrassed to admit) I do. Thats why I asked.

DOT COM (to Grizz) I think I get what hes saying. like calling the fat around your waistline love handles even though you hateem. GRIZZ (gets it) Ohh. Tracy notices Rick Cliff. TRACY (to Jenna) Who is that white dude over there talking to our Jackie-Doh? Its

9.

JENNA Ah, thats Rick Cliff: the sexiest man alive, or dead, or buried alive. (off Tracys look) What? I would do him in a coffin. TRACY Whats he doin here? JENNA Hell be on our show this week. you believe that? Can

Ill finally get to Not that we

share the stage with him.

havent shared anything before. TRACY OK, now I remember the dude. A shot of Entertainment Weeklys issue from April 2009 APPEARS on the screen with Rick Cliff on the cover. His title reads: RICK CLIFF OPENLY TALKS ABOUT HIS MOVIES THE DIRECTORS CUT EDITIONS. Then it flips open to a page; we see a shot of JENNA IN A PETER PAN COSTUME from APOLLO, APOLLO, taken while she was trying to get up from the dog house shed fell on. The title of the picture reads: DANGEROUS/HILARIOUS SET ACCIDENTS with the subtitle of JENNA MARONEY WORKS/FALLS HARD. CUT BACK TO: INT. MAIN HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS Everyone is as we left them. JENNA (pleasantly surprised) Thank you for remembering.

10.

TRACY (re: Rick Cliff) Jenna, dont tell anybody, cause I wanna hurt no feelings, but I dont think white people can act. Its like

Larry Bird trying to dunk, or Obama trying to get ghetto on that Iranian President. KENNETH steps out of Tracys room. JENNA Dont be silly Tracy, youre gonna love him. TRACY I love only one person in this world, right Kenneth? KENNETH Right, Mr. Jordan. back in here. Tracy smiles and goes back into his dressing room. and Grizz follow him, but Kenneth stops them. (firmly) KENNETH (CONTD) Dot Com Now, please come

We need privacy. Jenna, Dot Com and Grizz exchange suspicious looks. Meanwhile, Jack is done talking to Rick. He proceeds to the elevator. We follow him as he runs into FRANK. FRANK Great! I was looking for you, Jack.

11.

JACK How can I pretend to help you, Frank? FRANK I heard that Liz is off the FILF Island. (leans in, sotto) Ive never thought she belonged there anyway. JACK And youre wondering if I would allow you to write the show, because its been a dream of yours ever since you painfully watched Tracy turn your previous-dream-of-inventing-apornographic-video-game into reality. (amazed) Yes! (coldly) No. FRANK But, why?! JACK You are too involved. Do you think JACK FRANK

Lost was written by a bunch of survivors stranded on a remote island? Elevator door opens and Jack gets in.

12.

FRANK No, it was written by filthy nerds like me. Please give me this chance.

Jack thinks for a few seconds, then as the door closes: JACK OK. FRANK Thank you, Jack! Super-excited Frank hugs the now-closed elevator door and places a big kiss on it. INT. STAGE - NEXT DAY PETE (holding a script) and Liz, are behind the cameras; Jack is behind them by the backstage door, talking on the phone and watching the stage. LIZ Where the hell is Tracy? Camera pans to the stage where we find Jenna and Rick rehearsing. RICK (English accent) Yet tell me not, for I have heard it all. Here, between us, much to do

with hate, but not with love. JENNA (English accent, overly dramatic) My only hate, sprung from my only love... Jennas character kisses Ricks character. away. Rick pushes her

13.

RICK (English accent) I die out of misery if I stay with you, live if I go. JENNA (English accent) Oh, I wish you had drunk that poison. Camera pans back to Liz and Pete. PETE (puzzled, looking at script) This is your take on the greatest love story ever written? LIZ (staring at Rick) Yes. Romeo and Juliet: Had They Not

Died... PETE (flips to the next page) And youre making them have a fullcontact fight in the next scene? you out of your mind, woman?! Liz cant take her eyes off of Rick, and Pete notices that. PETE (CONTD) (re: Rick) Not a chance. STAGE MANAGER (O.C.) OK, thats enough for now. a lunch break, everybody. Lets take Are

14.

LIZ But Ive heard that he usually has a thing for his writers. Jenna walks up to them. PETE And for his co-stars. be very manipulative. Jenna ARRIVES. JENNA (all smiles, re: Rick) We are perfect for each other. (sighs) No kidding. Rick walks by them, and Jenna follows him for a few seconds with her mouth wide open and with a stupid love-look on her face. PETE (sotto to Liz) She hasnt had a serious relationship since that mobster, and you know one day he will escape and kill her. her have him. Liz doesnt like the idea but seems to agree; Jenna comes back with her mouth still wide open. Liz, rolling her eyes, places her hand underneath Jennas chin and shuts it. Jenna opens it back to speak: JENNA I just love him... (exhales deeply) Have you guys seen his movie Out of Africa; in Australia? Let LIZ Hes known to

15.

Liz and Pete motion No. JENNA (CONTD) Ah, it had a beautiful story taking place in Hong Kong, and they shot it in the nature of Canada in less than three months- I still cant believe that movie didnt win any Oscars. LIZ (sarcastically) Or a Jules Verne: Around the Golden Globe in Eighty Days award. Jenna has no idea what Liz just said but she still nods knowingly. JENNA Anyway, there was this gorgeous scene at the end on a desert where he proposed to his lover right before he left her for good. in love with him. Rick walks by them again, this time stops and... RICK Dinner tonight, Liz? LIZ Huh? RICK Should I pick you up at-LIZ Yes! Thats when I fell

16.

RICK Great. He smiles and walks away. LIZ (all smiles with dreamy eyes) Somebody pinch me. Jenna SLAPS her across the face. LIZ (CONTD) Ow! JENNA Oh, Im sorry, did you say pinch? She PINCHES Liz hard. LIZ Oww! INT. MAIN HALLWAY - DAY Liz, standing in front of Tracys dressing room, knocks on the door. No answer. She cracks the door open to reveal... INT. TRACYS DRESSING ROOM - CONTINUOUS ...Tracy and Kenneth sitting next to each other on the couch. There are candles lit all around the otherwise-dark room. As he looks into Kenneths eyes and holds his hands: TRACY When I first met you, was it a rainy day, or was I just crying? As he looks into Tracys eyes: KENNETH I havent cried since, nor has it rained.

17.

TRACY You brought the sun back into my life... KENNETH And the shine into my eyes... KENNETH/TRACY You are my sunshine... A beat. KENNETH Its beautiful, Mr. Jordan. TRACY It is, Kenneth. They hug. (mouths) LIZ

What the what?! She carefully closes the door. INT. MAIN HALLWAY - LATER Frank sees Jack and runs up to him. FRANK Hey Jack, Ive come up with some ideas for FILF Island. hearem? Jack looks at him without saying anything, Frank waits, too, then finally: Do you wanna

18.

FRANK (CONTD) The first challenge will be: which horny dad can work out the longest while staring at the showeringcheerleaders. Waits for Jacks reaction, but Jack shows nothing. FRANK (CONTD) Then the second: which dad can eat the cheerleaders pom poms the fastest while the girls cheer for them. Jack thinks for a few seconds, then: JACK Without the pom poms? FRANK Huh? JACK Theyll cheer for the horny dads without the pom poms, right? the dads are eating them. FRANK Oh, yes, right. No pom poms, Cause

otherwise it wouldnt make sense. JACK Attention to detail is very important, Frank.
(MORE)

19. JACK (CONT'D)

So Id say its not as good as what you wrote for Sextoy Story, but definitely better than How I Really Met Your Mother and Her Sister. working. Jack turns around and walks away. FRANK (calls after him) Thank you, Jack! Frank gets down on his knees and kisses the floor that Jack was standing on. INT. RESTAURANT - NIGHT Liz and Rick are in the middle of a conversation; dinner is not served yet. LIZ Its very easy: Terminator 2: the best sequel ever; then, The Terminator: a great start to a great franchise; then, Terminator 3: not a great movie, but loved the ending. Then, staring at the black screen for two days while listening to my obese neighbors fight over food, then watching anything with Kate Beckinsale in it, then Terminator Salvation. Mr. Bale can suck it! RICK You know hes a good friend of mine. Keep

20.

LIZ Then tell him to stick it to his Batman costume-(correcting herself) Stick to his Batman costume. He

wouldnt want to put a hole in that sexy thing... assuming theres already one for urination and for some hot Baton-Penguin action-(catches herself) Boy, I certainly watched too much porn lately. They both chuckle. LIZ (CONTD) (smiling) Dating actors is fun, I should do this more often. Theres just too much in

common to talk about and-RICK Oh, Liz. We are not really dating--

LIZ (smile disappears) Oh,... I know, this... is weird. Weve just met; we are professionally involved at the moment; and apparently I was a pedophile when you were a teenJack and HIS DATE (a beautiful woman in her 20s) walk by their table and Rick notices them right away.

21.

RICK Hey, Jack! Liz scoffs and rolls her eyes in disbelief in this coincidence. END OF ACT ONE

22.

ACT TWO

INT. STUDIO BACKSTAGE - NEXT DAY Liz and Pete are in the middle of a conversation as they walk towards the backstage door. LIZ So Jack shows up with his one-night stand-out, sits at our table, and Rick spends the rest of the night socializing with him. If it werent

for the food I kept ordering, I wouldve had no one to talk to. CUT TO: INT. STAGE - DAY (FLASHBACK) Jack is on stage with Rick. Rick reaches up and places his hand on Jacks cheek... and then KISSES him. After a few seconds, he lets go of Jack, who takes an immediate step back. RICK (mesmerized) It was so worth the wait. Jack is speechless. CUT BACK TO: INT. MAIN HALLWAY - CONTINUOUS PETE (shocked) Huh? LIZ (frustrated) What the hell is wrong with my flashbacks?!

23.

Kenneth, running in panic, catches up with them as they are about to enter the stage. (to Liz) KENNETH

Ms. Lemon, Mrs. Jordan is here and she says she needs to talk to you immediately. LIZ Uh-oh! As she turns around: LIZ (CONTD) (to Pete) Tell Jenna I wanna see less staring and more acting. As they walk away from Pete: KENNETH Please dont tell her about me and Mr. Jordans little secret. (off Lizs look) I saw you peeking at us the other day. Liz reacts. INT. TRACYS DRESSING ROOM - CONTINUOUS Angie is anxiously waiting; Liz enters. ANGIE My husbands having an affair! LIZ Okay..?

24.

ANGIE But this time its different. man! Its a

And I think I know who that is. LIZ (acting surprised)

What?.. No way. ANGIE I was strong enough to handle all the women, but this... This is new. feel like a fish out of water. LIZ (trying to be cute) Well, you do have fish lips if that helps any-Angie gives her a nasty look. Liz gets serious right away. I

LIZ (CONTD) What makes you think that hes turning gay? ANGIE Hes taking better care of himself: eating healthy, signed up at a gym-LIZ Maybe hes doing all that for you. Angie rolls her eyes. ANGIE (sarcastically) Or maybe he is gonna audition for Blackback Mountain. (then, seriously) (MORE)

25. ANGIE (CONT'D)

You are too naive, Liz Lemon.

Thats

why youll never find a husband. (then) Oh, and this came in the mail. Gives Liz a letter. LIZ (re: letter) This is a wedding invitation. ANGIE A Russian one! TaShaq and Alexs So now he has gay

wedding invitation!

friends getting married in Russia, probably honeymooning in Holland and adopting a beautiful baby-girl in China. LIZ Alex could be a woman... ANGIE All Russian men are gay! each other on the mouth! (crying) Help me, Liz Lemon! Liz is taken aback by the familiarity of the conversation, but says nothing to Angie. LIZ OK, calm down. going on. I will find out whats They kiss

I promise.

INT. JACKS OFFICE - DAY Jack is signing some papers; a KNOCK on the door.

26.

JACK Come in. Frank enters. FRANK Bad news: Woody Allen walked away from the project, due to a schedule conflict, his agent says. JACK What schedule conflict? FRANK He said hes busy constructing a wall or something. CUT TO: INT. AGENTS OFFICE - DAY (FLASHBACK) We see the AGENT watch his off-camera CLIENT come up with an excuse. NEUROTIC VOICE (to his Agent) I-I, uh, I dont know, tell them that I-I-Im reconstructing the fourth wall for my, uh, upcoming Annie Hall remake or something. CUT BACK TO: INT. JACKS OFFICE - CONTINUOUS Jack sighs. FRANK But dont worry, Ive already found someone else to host the show.

27.

Jack looks at him without saying anything, Frank waits, too, then finally: JACK Im not gonna say Who?, if thats what youre waiting for. that. FRANK Its Mena Suvari... from American Beauty! JACK Who?! (then) See? This is where I use my Who?. I dont do

Where and when I wanna belittle you for your lackluster idea. FRANK So, you dont like the choice? Jack looks at him without saying anything. around and leaves the office in a hurry. INT. MAIN HALLWAY - LATER Pete is walking down the hallway. Liz, holding a script in her hands, runs behind him to catch up. LIZ (calling) Pete? Pete turns around. LIZ (CONTD) (re: script) Ive changed it. Liz gives him the new script. Frank turns

28.

PETE Im glad you finally came to your senses. LIZ Tracy will play Juliet. PETE What?!.. Are you trying to avoid a

kiss between Rick and Jenna, because your date didnt go well? LIZ No. Im just trying to see if there

will be a kiss between Rick and Tracy. PETE What do you mean? LIZ I wanna see if Tracy is OK with kissing a man. PETE Whats your angle? LIZ I cant tell you, but I hope Rick wont get upset and walk out on us like she did that time. PETE For the last time, she did not walk out on us.
(MORE)

29. PETE (CONT'D)

She had to be rushed to some thirdworld country for the delivery of her baby, remember, her water broke on stage? LIZ Well, well see who breaks this time. INT. MAIN HALLWAY - THE NEXT DAY Kenneth runs to Tracys dressing room and finds him about to leave. KENNETH (frantic) Mr. Jordan! We are in trouble! Mrs.

Jordan just called; she is on her way here. She sounded angrier than her

usual, and she said, and I quote: (with a stereotypical black woman attitude) I got your numba, sista! to me. TRACY Maybe she thinks youre like a sister to her that she wishes she never had. KENNETH Im not sure if thats the reason-TRACY Or maybe you rubbed her the wrong way, like that masseuse she fired the other day. How difficult can it be to move

from the bottom up?!

30.

KENNETH I dont think thats the reason, either. TRACY Then whats she mad about?! KENNETH She said you left the water running in your snakes cage. TRACY Oh, no. But dont tell me RAMSES died

and shes upset about it, because she never liked him. KENNETH I dont know how, either, but somehow your house got flooded, and Ramses was nowhere to be found when she got home. TRACY We gotta fix this problem before the weekend, cause my friends are coming over, and they dont do well with water, either. After a few drinks,

they usually end up showering in the pool, drinking water out of the sink, and trying to swim in the bathtub. Its like a vicious cycle with all the parts misplaced by a white hand.

31.

KENNETH My grandpa would ask Are your friends men of color?, but I wont, sir. TRACY Then your grandpa is racist, Ken-Doll. But, no, they are not Asian. (then) I think Im gonna give Angie her anniversary gift here, to make up for the mess at home. Lets see if she

likes the poem you helped me write for her. Kenneth gets excited. Tracy gives him a hug. Angie walks into the scene at the same moment. She angrily motions Tracy to get into his dressing room and she follows him after giving a nasty look to Kenneth. Kenneth just flashes his usual idiotic-smile back. INT. MAIN HALLWAY - LATER Frank catches Jack in the hallway. FRANK I thought about what you said and decided to demonstrate how I envision the hosting of the show. FRANK (CONTD) (to off-screen Kenneth) Bring her over, Kenneth. Kenneth pushes a WATER-BED ON WHEELS with CERIE laying on it. Ceries almost-naked body is covered with ROSE PETALS.

32.

FRANK (CONTD) (to Jack) Mena Suvaris agent said she doesnt do demos, but shes ready to sign a contract if you give the green light. Jack seems to be buying into the idea. Camera shows Cerie from top. Off-camera Kenneth sprinkles Cerie with more rose petals, re-creating the famous scene from American Beauty. Then Cerie starts to deliver her line while looking into the camera: CERIE (super sexy) FILF Island: Twenty-five horny dads and ten high school cheerleaders-Before Cerie can finish, the water-bed BREAKS and Cerie FALLS IN. Water SPLASHES everywhere. CERIE (CONTD) (panicked) Oh, my God! I dont know how to swim! (catches herself; then sotto, to Frank) Did I just say that out loud? FRANK (demoralized) Shut it down, just... shut it dow-JACK I love it! FRANK (stunned) Huh?

33.

JACK This is your ticket to stardom! I

cant believe I havent noticed your talent before. FRANK (to Kenneth; excited) Is this really happening? JACK You are talented and beautiful. KENNETH (to Frank) Im pretty sure hes talking to Cerie, sir. Cerie and Frank both react. JACK (to Cerie) I wanna have a meeting with you next week to discuss all the details. Then he walks away, smiling. Frank, defeated, walks away, too. Kenneth helps Cerie get out of the hole in the bed. Cerie is still shaken by the incident and Jacks response. KENNETH (re: water and rose petals; to Cerie) Dont worry. Ill clean up this mess. (then; gasps in excitement) Actually, Ive got a different idea! INT. STAGE - A LITTLE LATER Rick is on stage, waiting. cameras, looking nervous. Liz and Pete are behind the

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(to Liz)

PETE

This is the last rehearsal before the show, and Tracy is late again! LIZ I hope its because hes nervous about the kiss. INT. MAIN HALLWAY - SAME TIME Cerie and the water-bed are gone, but there is still water and rose petals on the floor. The lights are dimmed, and there are TEA LIGHT CANDLES scattered down the hallway, providing for a ROMANTIC AMBIENCE as Tracy and Angie enter from his dressing room. ANGIE (re: poem) That was the most beautiful gift youve ever given me Tracy. TRACY (pouting) Yeah, but you totally forgot about our anniversary. A MIRACLE HAPPENS: WE SEE RAMSES SWIMMING THROUGH THE ROSE PETALS. TRACY (CONTD) (voice cracking, re: scene, to Angela) You arranged all this for me? Unpleasantly surprised to see Ramses, Angie fakes a smile, then: ANGIE Happy Anniversary! Tracy gingerly picks up the snake off the floor and goes back into his dressing room with Angie, both acting very flirtatious.

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Camera pans to the corner where we find Kenneth hiding and watching the scene. KENNETH (to himself) I hope the animal guy from the Tonight Show wont start looking for his snake right away. INT. STAGE - SAME TIME Rick, Liz and Pete are still waiting. (to Liz) PETE Ill go find him--

Thats enough.

The backstage door opens and Jack comes through. JACK If you guys are waiting on Tracy, I should say its going to be a while. Kenneth just told me hes busy with his wife. LIZ (surprised) You mean busy busy? RICK Then why dont you come up here, Jack? I just need someone in front of me to get in the act. lines. Jack hesitates for a second, but cant say No to the shows precious guest star. JACK OK. I guess... You can just read the

36.

He walks up to the stage. Him stepping up on the stage and standing in front of Rick completes Liz Flashback Malfunction Puzzle; now she can see it all. LIZ (to Pete) Those were not flashbacks! seeing flashforwards! Jenna enters. Looks up at the stage, then: Ive been

JENNA (angrily, to Liz) So you gave my part to Tracy first and now to Jack?! Liz! I cant believe you,

(voice cracking)

I gave you and this show the most selfish years of my life. Meanwhile, back on stage: Rick, looking into Jacks eyes with admiration, takes a step towards him. LIZ Hes going to kiss him! Too late... Rick reaches up and places his hand on Jacks cheek... and then KISSES him. After a few seconds he lets go of Jack, who takes an immediate step back. RICK (mesmerized) It was so worth the wait. Jack is speechless. JENNA (shocked) Rock Hudson! LIZ (shocked) Montgomery Clift!

37.

JENNA He is gay! (to Liz) No wonder he asked you out instead of me. PETE Youve turned another one, Liz. Liz reacts. RICK (suprised) Of course I am. Havent you guys seen

any of my movies director's cut edition? CUT TO: INT. SOMEONES BEDROOM - NIGHT We are in someones bedroom (doesnt matter whose). We focus on the TV as the DVD player plays a Rick Cliff movie: Rick passionately kisses a beautiful woman. Then he opens the door and gives her one last look of love as he shuts the door behind him. CLOSE ON the woman. Then camera moves to the other side of the door where we see Rick with a MAN (early 30s). RICK (happily) She agreed to carry our baby! BOYFRIEND #1 (flamboyantly) Suck it, Tori! Ill be the skinniest

mother in the world! They hug. The End

INT. SOMEONES BEDROOM - ANOTHER NIGHT Another Rick Cliff movie on the TV: Rick kisses a beautiful woman goodbye as the subway door closes. CLOSE ON the woman.

38.

Then camera moves to the inside of the subway where we see a MAN (early 30s) standing next to Rick. RICK (excited) She agreed to play the girlfriend while my mom is in town next week! (happy) BOY FRIEND #2

Great, so I dont have to Tootsie myself this time. They hug. The End

INT. SOMEONES BEDROOM - ANOTHER NIGHT Another Rick Cliff movie on the TV: Rick gently holds a womans face in his hands and gives her one last kiss. Then he opens the door of his cab and gets in. CLOSE ON the beautiful woman as the cab pulls away. Then, camera moves in to the cab where we see a FOREIGN LOOKING MAN sitting next to Rick. RICK (happily) She agreed to marry you to get you a green card! BOYFRIEND #3 (excited) Oh, me luv you whole much. They hug. The End CUT BACK TO: INT. STAGE - CONTINUOUS Everybody is shocked. JACK But what, what di-did you mean by it was so worth the wait?

39.

RICK Dont you see it, Jack? As Rick takes another step forward, Jack steps back. RICK (CONTD) Ive always loved you... Why do you Why do

think I dated your ugly niece?

you think I dated your neighbor's even uglier daughter? Why do you think I

signed a contract to be on this stupid show? And the worst, why do you think

I asked Liz out? CUT TO: INT. STAGE - FLASHBACK Rick walks by Jack and overhears his phone conversation. JACK (into phone) Ive made dinner reservations at Scavos. Pick you up at eight? He stops

Rick turns around and walks by Liz, Jenna and Pete. and... RICK Dinner tonight, Liz? LIZ Huh? RICK Should I pick you up at-LIZ Yes!

40.

RICK Great. CUT BACK TO: INT. STAGE - CONTINUOUS Liz is humiliated, tries to look away. Jenna rubs Liz arm to console her, but the smirk on her face suggests that shes actually enjoying the moment. Back on stage: RICK (softly, to Jack) I just wanted to be near you, Jack... JACK (creeped out) Shut it down! down! Walks off the stage in a hurry. END OF ACT TWO Just shut everything

41.

TAG INT. JACKS OFFICE - MORNING Liz enters. Jacks having a drink. LIZ Oops. Drinking in the morning. I

guess it didnt go well. really sorry, Jack.

Again, Im

I still dont

understand how his attorney managed to sneak a date with Jack Donaghy clause into his contract should either party terminate it. JACK Dont be silly, Lemon. a date with him. I didnt go on

I just hired one of

THE BALDWIN BROTHERS to go for me. You know, the resemblance is uncanny. Liz chuckles, suggesting disagreement, but realizes Jack is serious. LIZ Which one, though? alcohol addiction? Jack doesnt say anything. LIZ (CONTD) The one with the drug addiction? (scoffs) JACK The one with the

Do you really think you can narrow it down with those questions?

42.

LIZ Then the one with the crazy ex? JACK No. He was the first one I called,

but that rude pig didnt even answer! LIZ OK. I give up. JACK So... I took care of my problem. are you gonna do about yours? need professional help. LIZ What problem? (realizes) Oh, no. Im pretty cool with my You wont believe what What

You may

flashforwards.

happened at Quiznos the other day. She thinks her flashback will start, but again, instead: CUT TO: INT. LIZS KITCHEN - PREMONITION Sweaty and tired looking Liz opens the fridge and sees that its empty. Her eyes go wide as she SCREAMS her head off. CUT BACK TO: INT. JACKS OFFICE - CONTINUOUS Liz is terrified. Jack enjoys the moment. LIZ Oh boy, that was disturbing. Im

gonna need therapy to get rid of this.

43.

JACK Lemon finally facing her skeletons... Jack chuckles. Credits start. JACK (V.O.) (CONTD) This is bound to get ugly. THE END FADE TO BLACK.