XV Choices
XV Choices
Chọn từ hợp văn cảnh, Collocation, Văn phong: Lỗi làm ảnh hưởng ý nghĩaX
Từ vựng ít phổ biến/theo chủ đề: Từ vựng ít phổ biến không cản trở nghĩa câu, hiếm
khi sử dụng không tự nhiênX
Lỗi chính tả, lỗi dạng từ: Lỗi chính tả không bao giờ cản trở ý nghĩa, ít lỗiX
Sự đa dạng cấu trúc: Có sự kết hợp giữa các câu đơn giản và câu phức; tính linh
hoạt hạn chế, các cấu trúc phức tạp ít chính xác hơnX
Chặt chẽ với đề bài: TẤT CẢ các phần của câu hỏi đã dc trả lờiX
Lập trường/Câu trả lời rõ ràng: Has a position directly answering the questionX
Phát triển ý tưởng: Được phát triển và chứng minh, nhưng còn chung chung, thiếu
tập trung hoặc chưa chính xácX
Mạch văn: Các ý tưởng được kết nối một cách logic; có những gián đoạn nhỏ ở cấp
độ câuX
Chia đoạn: Cấu trúc rõ ràng, không phải tất cả các đoạn văn đều có mục đích rõ
ràngX
Sử dụng phép nối: Sử dụng phần lớn đã chính xác và linh hoạt, không máy mócX
Vocabulary Enhancement Suggestions
It is true that individuals have a significant number of options that are based on their
preferences. While some assume it gives them a chance for future paths, others argue it
restrains their ability to grow independently. From my perspective, I partly agree with this
opinion, as having too many options can bring both benefits and drawbacks.
On the one hand, individuals given opportunities can develop the whole future
pathscomprehensive future pathways. Some
students have the right to make decisions when studying what subject they are passionate
about. That provides chances to have access to advanced lessons instead of basic lectures
in
class, aiming to choose a proper profession in the future. Furthermore, individuals opting for
their personal behaviour or truths benefit in a peaceful world. If individuals choose to treat
others with kindness and respect, especially the elderly, they will receive a great deal of
long-term appreciation. Moreover, individuals today have the freedom to express their
gender
identity and sexual orientation. Regardless of whether they identify as male, female, or
non-binary, or whom they are attracted to, they are free to live authentically and contribute
positively to society. This diversity in personal identity, made possible by expanded choices
and
social acceptance, enriches communities and promotes inclusion. Therefore, choices bring
On the other hand, depending on options canover-reliance on options cancurb their effort
to make powerful aspects in [Link] their effort to cultivate meaningful aspects in
life.
Hygiene factors from foods and drinks are brought to the forefront when many restaurants
have
no quality assurance. That leads to severe illnesses in many people regardless of their
passion
for cuisine. Besides, excessive reliance on multiple choices can distract individuals from
focusing on what truly matters. Instead of pursuing long-term goals, people may waste time
comparing minor differences, which results in decreased productivity and mental exhaustion.
In conclusion, while several choices can sometimes cause confusion and stress, they also
allow
people to make decisions that suit their needs. I believe that whether having many choices is
autonomy (Sự tự chủ) The ability to make one's own choices and
decisions. Example: Having greater _______ in decision-
making can lead to increased satisfaction.
discernment (Sự phân biệt) The ability to judge well and make
thoughtful decisions. Example: Developing _______ is
crucial when faced with numerous choices.
Word Meaning and Example
preferences. While some assume it gives them a chance for future paths, others argue it
restrains their ability to grow independently. From my perspective, I partly agree with this
opinion, as having too many options can bring both benefits and drawbacks.
On the one hand, individuals given opportunities can develop the wholetheir future paths.
Some
students have the right to make decisions when studying what subject they are passionate
about. That provides chances to have access to advanced lessons instead of basic lectures
in
class, aiming to choose a proper profession in the future. Furthermore, individuals opting for
their personal behaviour or truths benefit in a peaceful world. If individuals choose to treat
others with kindness and respect, especially the elderly, they will receive a great deal of
long-term appreciation. Moreover, individuals today have the freedom to express their
gender
identity and sexual orientation. Regardless of whether they identify as male, female, or
non-binary, or whom they are attracted to, they are free to live authentically and contribute
positively to society. This diversity in personal identity, made possible by expanded choices
and
social acceptance, enriches communities and promotes inclusion. Therefore, choices bring
On the other hand, depending on options can curb their effort toOn the other hand,
depending on too many options can curb their effort tomake powerful aspects in
[Link] meaningful aspects in life.
Detrimental problems still exist in life that prevent the development of abilities in many
people.
Hygiene factors from foods and drinks are brought to the forefront when many restaurants
have
no quality assurance. That leads to severe illnesses in many people regardless of their
passion
for cuisine. Besides, excessive reliance on multiple choices can distract individuals from
focusing on what truly matters. Instead of pursuing long-term goals, people may waste time
comparing minor differences, which results in decreased productivity and mental exhaustion.
In conclusion, while several choices can sometimes cause confusion and stress, they also
allow
people to make decisions that suit their needs. I believe that whether having many choices is
Introduction
It is true that individuals have a significant number of options that are based on their
preferences. While some assume it gives them a chance for future paths, others argue it
restrains their ability to grow independently. From my perspective, I partly agree with this
opinion, as having too many options can bring both benefits and drawbacks.
Chặt chẽ với đề bài: TẤT CẢ các phần của câu hỏi đã dc trả lời
How to improve
Briefly mention the two main arguments (benefits and drawbacks) to guide the reader.
Avoid vague phrases like "some people think" and replace with more direct language.
How to improve
Avoid vague phrases like "partly agree" and replace them with more direct language, such
as "I believe that while having many choices can offer flexibility, it often leads to decision
fatigue."
Ensure the thesis statement directly addresses the prompt and outlines the essay’s
structure.
Tóm tắt ngắn: Có tổng quan ngắn gọn về các luận điểm chính
Feedback The introduction provides a clear and concise overview of the main
points, outlining the debate on whether having too many choices is beneficial or
harmful. It introduces the author’s stance that both advantages and disadvantages
exist, setting up the structure of the essay effectively.
How to improve
Specify the key arguments briefly, such as "personal development" and "confusion" as
examples.
Clarify the structure by mentioning that the essay will explore both perspectives and the
author’s balanced view.
Ensure the overview matches the essay’s content to avoid misleading the reader.
Introduction - Rewrite
It is widely believed that the abundance of choices in modern life can have both
positive and negative effects. While some argue that having many options allows
individuals to shape their future according to their preferences, others claim that it
can lead to confusion and indecision. In my view, although too many choices can
enhance personal development and self-expression, they can also cause stress
and limit focus, making it essential to approach them wisely.
Main Point 1
On the one hand, individuals given opportunities can develop the whole future paths. Some
students have the right to make decisions when studying what subject they are passionate
about. That provides chances to have access to advanced lessons instead of basic lectures
in class, aiming to choose a proper profession in the future.
Feedback The segment presents a clear and logically structured argument, with a
strong focus on how having choices enables individuals to shape their future. The
examples provided, such as students selecting subjects based on passion, are
relevant and help support the central idea. However, the connection between
advanced lessons and career choice could be more explicitly explained to
strengthen the reasoning. The depth of analysis is adequate but could benefit from
more detailed exploration of how choices influence long-term outcomes.
How to improve
Clarify the link between choosing subjects and future career paths by explaining how specific
skills or knowledge from advanced lessons contribute to professional development.
Add a general knowledge-based example, such as how studying economics in depth can
lead to a career in finance or policy-making.
Use transitional phrases like "as a result" or "this leads to" to improve the flow between ideas
and strengthen logical connections.
Feedback The main point generalizes that "individuals given opportunities can
develop the whole future paths," which overgeneralizes by implying all individuals
benefit equally from opportunities, without acknowledging that outcomes depend
on personal circumstances, resources, or choices. This weakens the argument by
making it less precise and potentially misleading.
How to improve
Replace "can develop the whole future paths" with "may help individuals shape their future
paths" to reflect variability in outcomes.
Specify the type of opportunities (e.g., "students who have access to elective courses") to
make the claim more concrete.
Add a qualifier like "for some" to acknowledge that not all individuals will benefit equally from
opportunities.
Feedback The main point effectively addresses the essay prompt by highlighting
how having choices allows individuals to shape their future paths. The argument is
relevant and directly supports the idea that options in education help students
pursue their passions and prepare for suitable careers. The examples provided are
specific and clearly linked to the broader theme of choice and personal
development.
How to improve
Clarify the connection between having choices and the potential challenges of too many
options to better address the full scope of the prompt.
Use more precise language to explain how choosing a subject leads to advanced learning
and career readiness.
On the one hand, individuals who have the freedom to make choices may have
greater opportunities to shape their future paths. For example, students who are
allowed to select subjects based on their interests can gain access to more
advanced coursework, which can better prepare them for a career that aligns with
their passions and strengths.
Main Point 2
Furthermore, individuals opting for their personal behaviour or truths benefit in a peaceful
world. If individuals choose to treat others with kindness and respect, especially the elderly,
they will receive a great deal of long-term appreciation.
Feedback The segment presents a clear idea about how personal behavior
contributes to a peaceful society, but the logical connection between personal
actions and broader societal peace is not fully explained. The example of treating
the elderly with respect is relevant, but the link between kindness and long-term
appreciation lacks detailed reasoning. The analysis is somewhat superficial and
could benefit from more explicit explanation of how individual actions lead to
societal benefits.
How to improve
Clarify how personal values like kindness and respect contribute to peace by explaining the
ripple effect on relationships and community harmony.
Provide a more detailed explanation of how respect for others leads to long-term
appreciation, such as through mutual trust or social recognition.
Use transition words like "as a result" or "this leads to" to improve the flow between ideas.
How to improve
Replace "will receive a great deal of long-term appreciation" with "may gain long-term
appreciation" to reflect possibility rather than certainty.
Add a qualifier like "in many cases" or "often" to acknowledge that the outcome depends on
context.
Provide a brief example or explanation of how kindness and respect can lead to
appreciation, making the claim more specific and grounded.
Feedback The main point contains some less relevant details that do not directly
address the prompt about the negative effects of having too many choices. While
the idea of personal behavior leading to a peaceful world is somewhat related, it
lacks a clear connection to the issue of choice overload. Similarly, the focus on
kindness and respect toward the elderly, while positive, does not directly support
the argument about the drawbacks of excessive options.
How to improve
Clarify how personal choices or behaviors relate to the problem of having too many options.
Link the discussion of kindness and respect to the broader theme of choice overload, such
as by explaining how too many options can lead to stress, making it harder to act with
kindness.
Furthermore, individuals who prioritize their personal values and ethical choices
often contribute to a more harmonious society. When individuals choose to treat
others with kindness and respect, especially the elderly, they often foster mutual
appreciation and strengthen social bonds over time.
Main Point 3
Moreover, individuals today have the freedom to express their gender identity and sexual
orientation. Regardless of whether they identify as male, female, or non-binary, or whom
they are attracted to, they are free to live authentically and contribute positively to society.
This diversity in personal identity, made possible by expanded choices and social
acceptance, enriches communities and promotes inclusion. Therefore, choices bring benefits
in areas such as education and personal development.
Feedback The segment presents a clear and logically structured argument, linking
the freedom to express gender identity and sexual orientation to broader societal
and individual benefits. The reasoning is generally well-extended, with the author
connecting personal authenticity to enriched communities and improved education
and development. However, the analysis lacks specific, real-world examples to
strengthen the logical links, and some connections could be more explicit.
How to improve
Strengthen the link between diversity and personal development by explaining how
acceptance of different identities can lead to greater self-confidence and creativity in
individuals.
Use transition words (e.g., "as a result," "furthermore") to improve the flow between ideas
and make the logical progression clearer.
How to improve
Replace "individuals today have the freedom" with "many individuals in certain regions have
the freedom" to reflect the reality that not all people have equal access to self-expression.
Add a qualifier like "in some contexts" or "in societies that support LGBTQ+ rights" to make
the claim more nuanced and accurate.
Provide specific examples of regions or communities where such freedoms exist, and briefly
acknowledge that other areas may lack these opportunities.
Feedback The main point effectively addresses the essay prompt by highlighting
how expanded choices—particularly in gender identity and sexual orientation—
lead to personal authenticity, social inclusion, and community enrichment. Each
supporting detail directly ties to the benefits of having more choices, reinforcing the
argument that diversity in options enhances individual and societal well-being. The
connection to education and personal development further strengthens the
relevance of the main point.
How to improve
Clarify the link between "choices" and the specific benefits (e.g., "choices in self-expression"
or "freedom to explore identity") to make the relevance to the prompt more explicit.
Add a sentence that directly ties the discussion of gender identity to the broader theme of
"too many choices," explaining how this relates to the prompt’s focus on the consequences
of abundance.
Ensure that each example of a benefit (e.g., inclusion, personal development) is explicitly
connected to the idea of "choices" to maintain focus and coherence.
Moreover, individuals in many parts of the world today have the freedom to
express their gender identity and sexual orientation, as societal acceptance and
legal protections continue to expand. Regardless of whether they identify as male,
female, or non-binary, or whom they are attracted to, they are increasingly able to
live authentically, which fosters self-confidence, personal growth, and meaningful
contributions to society. This diversity in identity, made possible by greater choices
and evolving social attitudes, enriches communities, promotes inclusion, and
enhances educational and personal development opportunities. Therefore, choices
in areas such as self-expression and identity can bring significant benefits to
individuals and society.
Main Point 4
On the other hand, depending on options can curb their effort to make powerful aspects in
life. Detrimental problems still exist in life that prevent the development of abilities in many
people. Hygiene factors from foods and drinks are brought to the forefront when many
restaurants have no quality assurance. That leads to severe illnesses in many people
regardless of their passion for cuisine.
Logic & Chiều sâu: Phát triển chưa đầy đủ, chứa chi tiết không rõ ràng
Clearly explain how having too many options can lead to poor decision-making or lack of
focus, using a relevant example (e.g., students choosing too many courses and struggling to
specialize).
Strengthen the link between "options" and the restaurant example by explaining how an
overload of choices might result in selecting unsafe or low-quality options.
Explicitly state how health issues from poor hygiene can hinder personal development, such
as by preventing individuals from working or studying effectively.
How to improve
Replace "many people" and "many restaurants" with more specific references, such as
"some individuals" or "certain establishments."
Add a qualifier like "in some cases" or "when proper precautions are not taken" to
acknowledge that not all situations lead to severe illnesses.
Provide a more focused example, such as "poorly regulated fast-food chains" instead of
"restaurants," to better support the claim.
Chặt chẽ với đề bài: Chứa chi tiết không liên quan
Feedback The main point contains some relevant ideas about how too many
choices can hinder personal development, but it also includes irrelevant examples
about restaurant hygiene and health issues, which do not directly address the
prompt. These examples weaken the focus and relevance of the argument.
How to improve
Focus on examples that directly relate to the impact of too many choices, such as decision
fatigue, reduced satisfaction, or difficulty in making choices.
Remove or revise irrelevant details about restaurant hygiene to maintain clarity and
relevance to the essay’s main argument.
Clearly link each example back to the thesis about the negative consequences of excessive
options.
Main Point 5
Besides, excessive reliance on multiple choices can distract individuals from focusing on
what truly matters. Instead of pursuing long-term goals, people may waste time comparing
minor differences, which results in decreased productivity and mental exhaustion.
Feedback The segment presents a clear and logical argument about the negative
effects of over-relying on multiple choices. The reasoning is generally coherent,
with a clear link between excessive options and distraction from long-term goals.
However, the depth of analysis could be improved by providing more specific
examples to strengthen the connection between the cause (multiple choices) and
the effects (wasted time, reduced productivity). The argument is well-structured but
lacks deeper exploration of how this phenomenon impacts real-life scenarios.
How to improve
Add a concrete example, such as how students may waste time choosing between multiple
university programs instead of focusing on their academic interests.
Clarify the link between comparing minor differences and reduced productivity by explaining
how this leads to decision fatigue.
Use a transition word (e.g., "as a result") to strengthen the logical flow between ideas.
Feedback The main point generalizes that "excessive reliance on multiple choices
can distract individuals," without sufficient specificity or nuance. While the claim
highlights a potential drawback of too many options, it presents this as a universal
outcome rather than acknowledging that the impact varies depending on individual
circumstances, such as decision-making skills or the nature of the choices. This
overgeneralization weakens the argument by not accounting for exceptions or
contextual factors.
How to improve
Replace "excessive reliance on multiple choices can distract individuals" with "excessive
reliance on too many options may lead to distraction for some individuals, particularly when
they lack clear priorities or decision-making strategies."
Add a qualifier like "in some cases" or "for certain individuals" to reflect the variability in how
people respond to multiple choices.
Provide a brief example or explanation of when this distraction is more likely to occur, such
as in situations with high-stakes decisions or when options are overly similar.
Feedback The main point effectively addresses the essay prompt by clearly
highlighting the negative impact of excessive choices on focus, productivity, and
mental well-being. It directly supports the argument that too many options can lead
to distraction and inefficiency, aligning with the prompt’s focus on the downsides of
having too many choices.
How to improve
Clarify the connection between "multiple choices" and the broader topic of "too many
options" to avoid ambiguity.
Provide a brief transition to the next paragraph to ensure smooth flow and reinforce the
overall argument.
Include a specific example (e.g., choosing between multiple job offers or products) to
strengthen the relevance and clarity of the point.
Excessive reliance on too many options may lead to distraction, as individuals may
prioritize evaluating minor differences over pursuing meaningful long-term goals,
ultimately resulting in reduced productivity and mental exhaustion.
Conclusion
In conclusion, while several choices can sometimes cause confusion and stress, they also
allow people to make decisions that suit their needs. I believe that whether having many
choices is positive or negative depends on how they handle it.
Chặt chẽ với đề bài: TẤT CẢ các phần của câu hỏi đã dc trả lời
How to improve
Expand the conclusion by briefly referencing key examples from the essay (e.g., education,
personal development) to illustrate how the effect of choice varies.
Clarify the connection between the thesis and the examples to reinforce the argument.
Use stronger language to emphasize the conditional nature of the argument (e.g., "depends
on individual circumstances" or "varies based on context").
Câu trả lời rõ ràng / Ý kiến rõ ràng: Lập trường rõ ràng
Feedback The conclusion clearly restates the essay’s position that the impact of
having too many choices depends on how individuals handle them. It effectively
summarizes the key argument and provides a balanced yet definitive stance,
making the writer’s opinion clear and well-reasoned.
How to improve
Be more specific about how individuals can effectively manage choices to ensure positive
outcomes.
Avoid vague phrases like "depends on how they handle it" by offering examples or strategies
(e.g., setting priorities, limiting options).
Conclude with a strong statement that reinforces the main argument and leaves the reader
with a clear takeaway.
Conclusion - Rewrite
In conclusion, while having too many choices can sometimes lead to confusion
and stress, it also enables individuals to make decisions that align with their
unique needs and aspirations. The impact of choice varies depending on the
context—whether in education, where students can tailor their learning paths, or in
personal development, where individuals can express their true identities.
However, this effect is not inherent to choice itself but rather depends on how
individuals navigate and prioritize their options. By setting clear goals and focusing
on what truly matters, people can transform choice into an opportunity for growth
rather than a source of overwhelm. Ultimately, the value of choice lies in the hands
of the individual.
Feedback
Lexical Resources - 4.0
Sự đa dạng từ vựng: Vốn từ đủ để sử dụng linh hoạt, không lặp từ
Feedback The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with appropriate use of
topic-specific terms and varied word forms. However, there are instances of repetition
(e.g., "choices" and "future paths") and limited paraphrasing, which slightly reduce the
flexibility of expression. Some advanced vocabulary is used effectively, but more varied
synonyms and sentence structures would enhance the range.
How to improve
Replace repeated nouns like "choices" with synonyms (e.g., "options," "alternatives").
Use more varied sentence structures to avoid repetition of phrases like "future paths."
Incorporate more synonyms for common words (e.g., "important" → "crucial," "vital").
Chọn từ hợp văn cảnh, Collocation, Văn phong: Lỗi làm ảnh hưởng ý nghĩa
Feedback The essay contains several word choice issues and awkward phrasings that
occasionally affect clarity. Some collocations are imprecise, and the style is inconsistent,
with informal or overly literal expressions. A few errors, such as "curb their effort to make
powerful aspects," significantly impede meaning.
How to improve
Use more precise collocations, e.g., "widen the range of options" instead of "significant
number of options."
Avoid informal terms like "people" in favor of "individuals" for a more formal tone.
Từ vựng ít phổ biến/theo chủ đề: Từ vựng ít phổ biến không cản trở nghĩa câu,
hiếm khi sử dụng không tự nhiên
How to improve
Replace awkward phrasing like "develop the whole future paths" with "explore future
opportunities."
Avoid overusing complex terms where simpler alternatives would suffice for clarity.
Ensure that less common vocabulary serves a clear purpose and enhances meaning, not
just for the sake of variety.
Lỗi chính tả, lỗi dạng từ: Lỗi chính tả không bao giờ cản trở ý nghĩa, ít lỗi
Feedback The essay contains very few spelling or word form errors. Most errors are
minor and do not impede clarity. A few instances of awkward phrasing or preposition use
were noted, but these are more related to word choice than spelling or grammar.
How to improve
Use "their" instead of "the whole" in "develop the whole future paths" for clarity.
Consider "benefit from" instead of "benefit in" for more natural phrasing.
Ensure consistent spelling (e.g., "behavior" vs. "behaviour") based on the target English
variant.
Feedback The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentences, including
conditional, relative, and passive structures. However, some complex constructions are
less accurate or show limited flexibility, such as awkward gerund usage or misplaced
clauses.
How to improve
Practice using gerunds and participles in different contexts for better flexibility.
Feedback The essay contains several minor grammatical errors, including redundancy,
word choice issues, and article usage mistakes. While these errors do not significantly
hinder understanding, they affect the overall fluency and precision of the text. Some
sentence structures are awkward or unclear, particularly in complex sentences.
How to improve
Remove redundant phrases like "that are" where unnecessary.
Improve word choice (e.g., "for" → "to explore," "the whole" → "their").
Feedback The essay addresses all key aspects of the prompt by discussing both the
benefits and drawbacks of having too many choices. It clearly takes a balanced stance
and provides relevant examples. The introduction and conclusion align with the question,
and the body paragraphs directly engage with the topic.
How to improve
Strengthen the thesis statement to clearly state your position on whether too many choices
are a problem.
Ensure each body paragraph focuses on one main idea (e.g., one benefit and one
drawback) to improve clarity and relevance.
Use transition words to better connect ideas and maintain focus on the prompt throughout
the essay.
Lập trường/Câu trả lời rõ ràng: Has a position directly answering the question
Feedback The essay maintains a clear and consistent position throughout, with a stated
perspective in the introduction and a reaffirmed conclusion. The writer acknowledges
both sides of the argument but clearly expresses a personal stance that having too many
choices can be both beneficial and challenging, depending on individual handling. This
position is consistently reflected in the body paragraphs.
How to improve
Clearly state your position in the introduction and restate it in the conclusion with stronger
language.
Ensure each paragraph directly supports your main argument, avoiding tangents that may
dilute your stance.
Use transition words like "In my view," "I believe," or "To sum up" to reinforce your position
consistently.
Phát triển ý tưởng: Được phát triển và chứng minh, nhưng còn chung chung, thiếu
tập trung hoặc chưa chính xác
Feedback The main point about choices allowing personal development is well-
structured but lacks depth in examples. Some details, like the restaurant hygiene
example, are irrelevant. The reasoning is clear but needs more precise connections
between ideas and stronger evidence to support claims.
How to improve
Add specific, relevant examples that directly support the argument about personal growth
through choice.
Strengthen the link between examples and the main point by explaining how they illustrate
the impact of having choices.
Remove or revise irrelevant details, such as the restaurant hygiene example, to maintain
focus on the core argument.
Feedback The essay has a clear structure with logical progression, but some sentence-
level issues slightly disrupt the flow. Linking words are used effectively, but a few
phrases are awkward or unclear, such as "develop the whole future paths" or "personal
behaviour or truths." The argument moves smoothly between points, but some examples
lack clarity.
How to improve
Simplify complex or awkward phrasing (e.g., "develop the whole future paths" → "explore
various future paths").
Chia đoạn: Cấu trúc rõ ràng, không phải tất cả các đoạn văn đều có mục đích rõ
ràng
Feedback The essay has a clear structure with distinct sections, but some paragraphs
lack clear topic sentences or focused development. The introduction does not clearly
state the thesis, and some body paragraphs are underdeveloped or overlap in ideas. The
conclusion restates the main points but lacks depth.
How to improve
Add a clear thesis statement in the introduction to outline the essay’s purpose.
Ensure each body paragraph has a focused topic sentence and develops one main idea.
Feedback The essay uses pronouns and demonstratives (e.g., "their," "it," "this") to refer
back to previously mentioned ideas, which generally enhances cohesion. However,
some references are occasionally unclear or could be more precise, such as "it" in the
second sentence, which may lack a clear antecedent. The use of "they" and "their" is
mostly consistent, but in a few cases, the antecedent is not fully explicit, potentially
causing confusion.
How to improve Use more explicit references (e.g., "the options," "the individuals")
when the antecedent is not clearly established. Avoid overusing pronouns in complex
sentences. Ensure that each reference clearly points to a specific noun or idea to
enhance clarity and precision.
Sử dụng phép nối: Sử dụng phần lớn đã chính xác và linh hoạt, không máy móc
Feedback The essay uses a range of cohesive devices such as "while," "as,"
"furthermore," "on the one hand," "on the other hand," and "therefore," which are mostly
accurate and appropriately placed. The flow between ideas is logical, and the writer
effectively connects contrasting and supporting points. However, some sentences lack
clear linking devices, and a few phrases could be more precise for better coherence.
How to improve
Replace awkward phrasing (e.g., "the whole future paths") with more natural expressions.