TINSELTOWN TODAY

Sunday, November 11, 2018 “Serving Tinseltown Daily” $4.20

HONEYMOON’S OVER Mr. Kramden was growing increasingly angry as the women were talking
Bang! Zoom! amongst themselves and not making him the center of attention. “I’ve never
seen anything quite like it,” tells us Chris Harrison, host of the show. “At one
By CHRISTIAN PRADA point he looked at his watch and told all the women to ‘stop yappin and get
his supper ready.’” According to
sources, things only escalated
Production on ABC’s The from there as Kramden proceeded
Bachelor has been shut to threaten physical violence upon
down after all 25 female all the women. “He was so
contestants stormed off set angry!” tells us one contestant
simultaneously this past who wished to remain anonymous.
Friday. Entering its 23rd “He clenched his hand into a fist
season, The Bachelor was and started yelling ‘One of these
attempting to shake things days…One of these days…POW!
up by featuring recently Right in the kisser!’” Reportedly,
divorced New York City the final straw came when he
bus driver Ralph started threatening to knock
Kramden. Things got off several women “to the moon!”
to a rocky start however, ABC has issued the following statement in response to the incident: “The
as early reports surfaced words and actions of Mr. Ralph Kramden do not reflect the values of the ABC
that a first day group meet- family. We take matters like this very seriously and will be conducting an
and-greet quickly turned internal investigation.” No further comments were available at the time of
ugly. Sources claim that publication.
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Horse Meat at the Wynn?

By NICHOLAS VONA

Larry David, creator of Seinfeld and actor in his

own show Curb Your Enthusiasm, is reported to
have been arrested for his alleged involvement in
an illegal horse meat scandal with none other than
heartthrob DJ Paulie D, formerly of Jersey
Shore. The two ringleaders of the operation were
indicted over the weekend, just after rumors began
to flow that the Wynn was under suspicion of
serving horse meat to its customers in their
buffet. Paulie is a resident DJ at the Wynn Hotel noticeably receding over the past year. Talks of his
giving him ample opportunity to infiltrate their career as a Las Vegas DJ coming to an end have
food and beverage department. Paulie D, real been going around. In an effort to make some cash
name Paul Delvecchio, has been having financial before he was sent back to DJ’ing for dive bars in
troubles, and his trademark hair has been New Jersey, he conspired with Mr. David and
began plotting their scam. Mr. David runs a
questionable charity in Malaysia called “Horses for
Helping Depressed People in their 40’s”, where the
two originally met at a fundraiser some years
ago. Mr. David made a fortune after creating the
hit TV show Seinfeld, but apparently there isn’t
much that this disturbed man wouldn’t do for
money. The two allegedly formed an overseas
company and distributed the meat to the Wynn
Hotel. According to a spokesman for the Wynn,
the meat sold to them was passed off as “just wouldn’t be surprised if he did. Details are still
regular ground beef”. Apparently, Mr. David also developing, and as always, we will keep you
has ties to the 1960’s TV sitcom Mr. Ed, in which posted and continue to be your most reliable source
the main character was a talking horse. Whether for celebrity news.
or not Mr. David mistreated Mr. Ed or any of the
other horses on that show is uncertain, but I
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Scandal Rocks Mushroom Kingdom

By SALVADOR MARES Bowser's castle late the night
she was rescued by Mario.
Many say this wasn't the first
time she had run off to
Bowser's castle, but those
living in her castle
stated she would leave
in the dead of night
and wouldn't return
until days after
stating she had
gone to visit
Princess Daisy.
When reporters and
paparazzi confronted
Princess Peach with these allegations she was
quick to deny the rumor and even went as far as
knocking a camera to the ground out of frustration.
When Mario was confronted by the same reporters
and paparazzi he had a very similar response and
Mario is well known across the kingdom for
went as far as punching one of the paparazzi,
having saved Princess Peach from that awful King
knocking him to the ground. No one has been able
Koopa, or Bowser as he's better known. Everyone recently a nasty rumor began to make its way to
to find Bowser and most assume he is holed up in
in the kingdom is well aware that he defeated many everyone's ear and recent reports and eyewitnesses
his castle waiting for things to die down. We will
foes and maneuvered through deadly obstacles in have stated that Princess Peach wasn't kidnapped
update this story as more information becomes
order to rescue his beloved Princess Peach. But by Bowser at all, but that she made her way to
available.

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 TINSELTOWN TODAY, PAGE 4

BoJack and Daria a Couple? 21 Savage Makes Brave Decision

That’s Just Gauche!
By MARCO QUILES
According to sources who would prefer to go unnamed, Georgia rapper 21
By EVELYN ORTEGA Savage has decided to change his stage name from “21 Savage” to “20
Savage.” Our east-coast correspondents attempted to make contact with 20
Savage, to no success. Fortunately, his manager was willing to answer some
Last Sunday, Daria was spotted having
dinner with none other than BoJack
Horseman. This was the first time
BoJack has been seen publicly since
being admitted into rehab last
September. Now what could these two
people be talking about and what is the
nature of their relationship? Well we
had the chance to interview Pickles,
their waitress. “I was bringing over
more water to the table when I heard
BoJack tell Daria that although he was feeling much better after rehab that he
was still struggling with his anxiety and depression, but that Daria was one of
the main reasons that he kept trying to get better.” It appears BoJack and Daria
have a more serious relationship than we had first thought. Are these two in a
romantic relationship or is Daria just BoJack’s sponsor? Only time will tell.

questions on his client's behalf. When asked about this bold decision to change
names, Savage's manager replied with: "I'm not quite sure what his thought
process was behind this. He said something about wanting to move forward
as a person and that he felt like '21 Savage' was just a little too much at this
point." 20 Savage will now be releasing music under his new stage name but
hopes that his current fanbase will support his brave effort to grow as a human
being.