Showing Not Telling

By Mrs. Milis
 “Get out of here,” Marco protested.

 Marco protested, “Get out of here.”

Please take Cornell Notes on
this PowerPoint!
 The major subjects you will learn in this PowerPoint
deal with strategies for showing the reader the story
instead of telling the reader the story.

 For example:

 Telling: The girls were excited.

 Showing: Giggles and screams filled the arena. The
soft curls were now damp with perspiration and the
anticipation of the event. They held tight to each
other in a mock effort to contain themselves. Arms
flailed upward, and voices echoed in varying tones.
The moment was here.
Example 2:
http://www.writedesignonline.co
m/assignments/shownottell.html
 Telling: The room was vacant.

 Showing: The door opened with a resounding echo

that seemed to fill the house. Cob webs once
attached flowed freely in the air as the open door
brought light to a well worn floor. The light gave
notice to the peeling paint on the walls and to the
silhouettes once covered by pictures. The new air
gave life to a stuffiness that entrapped the room.
Faded and torn white sheets covered once new
furniture now drowning in dust.
Using Figurative Language
 Telling: The girl is in love.

 Showing:
She's so happy, this girl,
she's sending out sparks
like a brush fire,
so lit with life
her eyes could beam
airplanes through fog,
so warm with his loving
we could blacken our
toast
on her forehead.
Yet Another Example
 Telling: The coffee was enjoyable.
 Showing: She cradled the mug in both hands and
leaned her head over it in the rising steam. Pursing
her lips, she blew softly over the clouded surface and
let her eyelids drop. Her shoulders rose slightly as
she breathed in, and she hummed with her head low.
I lifted the tiny porcelain pitcher and poured a brief
rotating arch of white into the black depths of my
own cup. She opened her eyes, and we looked at
each other across the table without speaking.
 You try…
 I am nervous. (Haiqal’s group)
 It was a day unlike any other day. (Haiqal’s
group)
 The sunset was surreal. (Danial’s group)
 The pizza was delicious. (Azim’s group)
 The coffee was enjoyable. (Azim’s group)
 He is angry. (Danial’s group)
 Mr. Schmitt is a nice man. (Adlin’s group)
 I lost my iPhone in the bus. (Adlin’s group)
Writer use the following
techniques to Show Not Tell.
 Dialogue
 Figurative Language
 Sensory Language
 Snapshot
 Thoughtshot: Flashforward, Flashback,
Brain Argument
 Exploding the Moment
Using Dialogue to Show Not Tell:
http://teenwriting.about.com/cs/
dialogue/ht/DialogueWork.htm
 Look at pink sheet during explanation.

 Rules for Writing Quotations Correctly

1. Every time the speaker changes in the
conversation, you begin a new paragraph (even if it
is just one word)
2. Use quotation marks only around the character’s
exact words.
3. The first word in the quote is always capitalized.
4. Always separate the speaker from the quote with
punctuation (commas, end punctuation)
5. Punctuation marks go inside the quotation marks
TIE Strategy: the speaker may be
placed at the beginning, middle,
or end of the quotation.
 TIE: Tag on, Introduce with, Embed
 Tag on—place speaker at the end
 Introduce—place speaker at the
beginning
 Embed—place speaker in the middle of
the quote
Here is How TIE Looks
 Tag: “Knock it off!” yelled Pedro.

 Introduce: She warned, “Do it now or

you’ll regret it.”

 Embed: “Do it now,” she warned, “or

you’ll regret it.”
 Correctly punctuate and capitalize
the following sentences using
dialogue. Follow the Rules!
1. Bill told me not to go in there Sarah
recalled.
2. Lisa asked since when do you listen to
anything Bill ever says?
3. Lisa Sarah replied Bill’s not so bad
once you get to know him.
4. You’ve got that right Bill said as he
peered over their shoulders.
http://www.writing-world.com/fiction/dialogue.shtml
 Snapshot: http://www.discover-
writing.com/feb99.html
Slow Motion Moments.
When do they use slow motion in a movie?
The good bits, the dramatic parts ,
the moments where something is at stake.
It’s the same way in writing.

Use your lens to

zoom in with sights, sounds, smells, tastes.

A snapshot is a specific description of an important physical detail in

the story that enables readers to see a picture of it in their minds
and experience it through writing
A Snapshot: Description (how
many senses described)
 Telling: The coffee was enjoyable.
 Showing: She cradled the mug in both hands and
leaned her head over it in the rising steam. Pursing
her lips, she blew softly over the clouded surface and
let her eyelids drop. Her shoulders rose slightly as
she breathed in, and she hummed with her head low.
I lifted the tiny porcelain pitcher and poured a brief
rotating arch of white into the black depths of my
own cup. She opened her eyes, and we looked at
each other across the table without speaking.
 (Brain Argument) They'll never know if I don't tell
them. Why do I always feel like I have to honest with
them? Susan Brown isn't with her parents and they
never find out. Not like those TV shows where the
parents always find out in the end.
 (Snapshot) Sarah stood by the front door, her hair
blown in all directions. She could still hear the faint
sound of Spike's Harley hitting third gear as he hit
Main Street. She opened the door and sneaked into
the hallway. Her feet sank in to the carpet.
 (Thoughtshot) Oh my gosh! It's late. I knew we
should have left earlier. If I could just get to my
room, I could tell them I was in bed already.
 (Dialogue) "Sarah, is that you?"
 (Dialogue) "Yes, Mom."
 (Snapshot) Sarah held her hands behind her back and
shifted side to side on her feet.
 (Dialogue) "Honey, what happened to your hair? Was
there a hurricane?"
 (Dialogue)
"Oh, Mom, you know how kids are. They kept all the
windows open."
 (Snapshot) Sarah pulled her hair together in a
ponytail and let it fall over her back.
 (Dialogue)
“Tell me about the dance. You were with Spike,
weren't you?"
 (Thoughtshot) Sarah felt as if the floor was moving like a
ship caught in an ocean swell. I will tell her, she thought. I
always tell her.

 (Dialogue) "What a ridiculous thing to say!“

 (Snapshot) Mom walked to the cupboard and took out a

bottle of aspirin.
 Thoughtshot:
Thoughtshots are another way to include
detail in your writing. A thoughtshot
allows the writer to pause and reflect on a
particular event or a detail by:
Flashforward: the character anticipates what consequences might
occur if he or she acts in a certain way

Flashback: the character thinks about how something happening at the

moment relates to events in his or her past.
This is also used to develop a character.

Brain Argument: the character debates whether you should do one thing
or another and consider the pros and cons of both courses of action.
Thoughtshot
 Unpacking even just a few things in her
brown suitcase, always seemeda waste
of time to Gilly. She never knew if she'd
be in a place long enough to make it
worth the bother. And yet it was
something to fill the time.