Show, Don't Tell

The First Rule of Writing

What is Show, Don’t Tell?

The Show, Don't Tell method of writing

is when the writer is able to create a
picture in the reader's mind. The
writer gets away from the repetition
of empty words like went, big, or said
and instead uses rich descriptions
which makes the reader feel as if s/he
is part of the story.
Brain Pop

Show, Don’t Tell

http://www.brainpop.com/english/writing/shownottell/
Read the next two slides. How do
they compare?
Which is better?
This . . .
When I left my office that beautiful
spring day, I had no idea what was in
store for me. To begin with, everything
was too perfect for anything unusual to
happen. It was one of those days when
a man feels good, feels like speaking to
his neighbor, is glad to live in a country
like ours, and proud of his government.
You know what I mean, one of those
rare days when everything is right and
nothing is wrong.
Or This?

I left work feeling happy. It was a

good day.
What differences did you see
in the two versions?
The first version:
was much longer
had describing words such as beautiful spring
day
created a mood
built up a feeling that something was about to
happen

Now compare the next two slides.

Which is better?
This . . .
Still holding my dogs by their collars, I looked back. I couldn’t understand
what I saw. Rubin was laying where he had fallen. His back was toward me,
and his body was bent in a “U” shape. Rainie was standing on the other side of
him, staring down.
I hollered and asked Rainie, “What’s the matter?”
He didn’t answer. He just stood as though in a trance, staring down at
Rubin.
I hollered again. He still didn’t answer. I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t
turn my dogs loose. They would go for the hound again.
Again I hollered at Rainie, asking him to come and help me. He neither
moved nor answered. I had to do something.
Looking around, my glance fell on the old barbed-wire fence. I led my dogs to
it. Holding onto their collars with one hand, I worked a rusty barbed wire
backwards and forwards against a staple until it broke. Running the end of it
under their collars, I tied them up. They make two or three lunges toward the
hound, but the wire held.
I walked over and stopped at Rainie’s side. I again asked, “What’s the
matter?”
He said not a word.
I could see that Rainie was paralyzed with fright. His mouth and eyes were
opened wide, and his face was as white as chalk. I laid my hand on his
shoulder. At the touch of my hand, he jumped and screamed. Still screaming,
he turned and started running. I watched him until he disappeared in the
darkness.
Or This?

Rainie was acting strange. I

asked him what was wrong, but he
didn’t answer me. I had to tie up
my dogs, so I could go over to find
out what was the matter with him.
When I finally walked over to
where Rainie was standing, he ran
away.
1. How do the two versions
compare?
2. Did you notice how the
author built up a suspenseful
situation by making the reader wait
and wait while Billy tied his dogs?
3. Go back two slides. Highlight the
words that describe how Rainie was
acting or feeling. Find the simile.
4. How do the words you highlighted
add to the telling of the story?
One key element of the Show, Don't Tell
method is the use of details.

Example 
The girl went to the beach.

Sally went to Ocean Isle Beach.

Last summer, young Sally went to Ocean Isle Beach on the coast of
North Carolina with her family.

During the hottest part of the summer, ten year old Sally went to Ocean
Isle Beach on the coast of North Carolina with her parents and two
younger sisters.
Check out one more example of how
Show, Don’t Tell helps make a
story more interesting.
Which is better?
This . . .
As graceful as any queen, with her
head high in the air, and her long red
tail arched in a perfect rainbow, my
little dog walked down the table. With
her warm gray eyes staring straight at
me, on she came. Walking up to me,
she laid her head on my shoulder. As I
put my arms around her, the crowd
exploded.
Or This?

Little Ann walked across the

table towards Billy. She did a good
job, and the men cheered.
1. In the first version, could you
picture Little Ann as she
competed in the beauty contest?
2. Go back and highlight words that
described Little Ann.
3. Find the metaphor. Little Ann’s
tail was compared to what?
Which is better?

a. I missed the bus.

b. I raced down the road, wildly
waving my hands, and yelling,
“Stop, stop,” but the bus traveled
on down the road without stopping.
Which is better?

a. The broken windows and creaking

hinges made me tremble as I
slowly crossed the shadowed
yard toward the dilapidated
house.
b. I was scared as I walked toward
the haunted house.
Which is better?

a. My teeth chattered as I blew

warm breath on my numb
fingers.
b. I am cold.
Which is better?

a. My friend is a very good artist.

b. My pleasure grew as I slowly
examined one masterpiece after
another. Why, George, your work
could be shown at the Gallery of
Fine Arts!
Which is better?

a. My coat is too small.

b. As I tried to twist my arms out of
my jacket, I thought I was going
to pull my shoulders out of their
sockets.
Which is better?

a. Papers overflowed my cramped

desk as I rummaged for the
pencil I knew was buried
somewhere inside its dark depths.
b. My desk is a mess.
 Now let’s practice by writing our
own paragraph. First name some
things a person might do when
angry.
Compare your list to the one on the
next slide.
• pace back and forth
• face goes red
• fists clench open and shut
• voice gets louder
• eyes narrow
• forehead creases
• loud sighs
• wringing hands
• cracking of knuckles
• veins popping out in forehead
• evil eye
• rolled up sleeves of shirt with quick jerky
movements
Write a paragraph describing your
anger as you tell a police officer
that a robber just stole your wallet
with all your money inside. Use as
many of the phrases from the
previous slide as possible.
Read my version of the wallet story.
Highlight the words that show,
don’t tell.
Highlight the words or
phrases that show, don’t
tell.
Pacing back and forth and
wringing my hands, I drew in a
shaky voice. I could feel my face
steaming and knew I must be the
color of an apple. My voice grew
louder, and I knew my veins were
popping out on my forehead as I
told the officer that I couldn’t even
pay for a ride home without my
wallet.
You will be given an Oreo cookie.
• Breathe in; how does it smell?
• How are you feeling when you hold the
cookie, anticipating the first bite?
• Now slowly take a small bite. How does
the cookie feel in your mouth? How
does it taste?
Make a list of phrases that describe your
experience eating the cookie. Be sure to
include some similes and metaphors.
Compare your list to this one. Do you have
some of the same words and phrases?
• aroma of rich chocolate
• creamy, appetizing, tasty and delicious
• crunchy wafer
• moist, sweet filling
• smooth and creamy in the mouth
• senses struck dumb and mute
• fudgy, gummy, sticky, chewy
• cookie decorated with dark delectable designs
• mouth waters
• icing like butter turning slowly to cream in my
mouth
• sweetness lingers long after the cookie is gone
• better than a warm blanket on a winter’s day
 Now write a paragraph. Here is
the situation. You are very hungry,
your stomach growls. You
rummage through the kitchen and
find a new package of Oreos.
Describe the experience of eating
the cookie. Remember to tell this
as part of a story.
 Here’s my version.
I rummaged through the vast kitchen; my
stomach complaining of its emptiness. Was
there anything in this house to eat?
Suddenly I spotted it. Pleasure made my
hands tremble. The package of Oreos was as
beautiful as rain is to a fireman. I quickly
ripped the cellophane. The aroma of rich
chocolate reached my senses. My mouth
drooled. I twisted the cookie apart and licked
the sugary, smooth filling. The icing was like
butter turning slowly to cream in my mouth.
Its sweetness was better than a warm
blanket on a winter’s day.
More paragraphs for
practice.
• You are nervous because you are
about to give a speech to all the
fifth grade students at Mountain
City Elementary.
• You are frightened because you
encounter a wild animal in the
woods near your home.