What is Non-Violent Communication,

and how can it be used in mediation?

Workshop

02.05.2019.
Kati Borbáth
NVC trainer, psychologist
Constructive problem solving
Conflicts arise inevitably in our life occurring between individuals or
groups on an everyday basis. They manifest a seeming or real
opposition of needs, intentions, desires, interests, opinions, values.
Unresolved conflicts can lead to destructive processes, impeding the
cooperation and coexistence of the confronting parties.

POli- Peer mediation team strives for constructive problem solving and
achieving win-win situations through promoting and employing specific
views and methods of alternative dispute resolution.

We places conflicts in the pay of launching favourable changes, and its

conflict resolution methodology is uniquely diverse.
Violence in schools -discussion with 15 Criminology
Student’s Circle of the ELTE Faculty of Law With
Tamás Lajos Aáry ombudsman of educational rights
and Borbála Fellegi researcher
Subjects :personal characteristics of the attacker and victim children, the role
and responsibility of teachers, family backgrounds, and the role of families,
role of legislation in cases of school violence .latency, and possible solutions in
the cases of school violence, emphasizing the importance of alternative
conflict handling mechanisms.

Conclusion: the quality of everyday communication is a key

school violence :top of the iceberg made up of countless everyday

interactions between teachers, students and families.

to lessen the agression :we need to improve these interactions with trust,
real partnership, more reflecting upon ourselves and others, paying attention
From informal to formal practices-From proactive to restorative
methods
Restorative circles

Facilitate restorative -

conference methods

Mediation

Clearifying circles

Thematical circles

Using I communication in
community building,learning process
Az informálistól a formális, a proaktívtól a resztoratív technikákig
Resztoratív körök

Facilitált resztoratív

konferencia módszerek

Mediáció

Tisztázó körök

Tematikus körök

Én kommunikáció használata a
közösségépítésben, a tanulási folyamatban
Communication
Communication – as its Latin root word „communis” indicates – is
always a communal activity.
With or without words, communication is our essential need to
understand each other. Impaired or incorrect communication has a
harmful effect on both our life and that of a community, while the
improvement of communication can foster favourable changes even in
itself.
We believe in the access to information for the individual as well as
transparency, coherence and the dialogue. These values are also the
keystones of our own communication.
What is NVC?
The purpose of NVC

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mybk7qMtjeo
Marshall Rosenberg - Nonviolent Communication -
Brief Introduction

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=teyN3BJ4cFA
Restorative practices-new sience
All humans are hardwired to connect. Just as we need food,
shelter and clothing, human beings also need strong and
meaningful relationships to thrive.- (need communication
based on this)
Restorative practices is an emerging social science that
studies how to strengthen relationships between individuals
as well as social connections within communities.
The process of NVC: 4 Steps
 Mediation with NVC

In mediator role:

practicing being present and keeping her focus

on the person speaking.
guessing what is going on for a disputant, and
hazard a guess as to what the disputant is needing
instead of asking them what they are needing.
 The core distinctions of NVC
● observation versus judgments,
● feelings versus evaluations masquerading as feelings,
● needs versus strategies,
● requests versus demands
 Mediation with NVC 3

As a mediator hears the story of each disputant, he is practicing

translating the judgments into observations and listening
behind the story for what feelings, needs, and requests the
disputant might have
NVC 5 steps Mediation Model

5-Step Mediation Model (MM)

A. The 5-Step Mediation Model (MM) with 2 phases (connection and

resolution)
1. Mediator empathizes with person A.
2. M asks person B if they would say back the understanding and needs of A, and how
they feel hearing this.
3. M empathizes with B.
4. M asks A if would say back the understanding and needs of B, and how they feel
hearing this.
5. M facilitates solution requests and agreements.
9 NVC Mediation Skills
1. Empathy – presence, silent empathy, understanding,
need language
2. Connection Requests
a. “Would you say what you heard?”
b. “How do you feel about what you heard?”
3. Pulling by the Ears – mediator re-requests disputant to say back what they heard
when disputant self-expresses or says back other’s judgments but not understanding or
needs
4. Emergency (1st Aid) Empathy – when a disputant has been asked to say back what
they heard the other say and is too trigged to do it
5. Tracking – where mediation is in terms of the 5-step process
6. Interrupting – when disputant(s) are speaking in ways mediator assesses are
detracting from the process
7. Self-Empathy – mediator gives empathy to self during mediation
8. Self-Expression – mediator expresses to contribute to the mediation
Solution Request
9. Solution Requests – specificity of action(s) linked to needs, request vs. demand,
interdependence vs. dependence and independence
i. Need Behind the No (NBN) process
1. Clarify request and needs of person A
2. Empathize with needs behind the person B’s “no”
3. Ask B for a new request that seeks to meet their needs and person A’s
ii. Three Types of Agreements
1. Main agreements
2. Supporting agreements
3. Restoring agreements