ENGAGING MEN AND BOYS IN

PREVENTING SEXUAL AND

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

Rus Ervin Funk, MSW

INTERCONNECTEDNESS OF
MEN’S VIOLENCE
 Rape/sexual assault
 Domestic and dating violence
 Sex trafficking
 Sexual harassment
 Prostitution and pornography
 Street harassment
 Stalking
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE OVERVIEW
MEN’S EXPERIENCE OF
VIOLENCE
 Men tend to have a different experience and
understanding of violence than do women

 The impact of activists efforts to understand

the dynamics of violence has meant
broadening the definition of what is violent
 WHY MEN CHOOSE TO BE
VIOLENT

 A lack of identification with the victim.

 A perception of the situation as one that calls
for violence.
 A decision to act violently
 The means of doing harm to the other person.
MEN’ VIOLENCE AS A MEN’S ISSUE
 Men commit the vast majority of sexual
violence.
 Men are sexually victimized by other men.
 Men’s sexual violence confines men.
 Women see men as potential threats.
 Men know and love survivors.
 Men know and love perpetrators.
 Men are part of the community.
 Men’s sexual violence is a human rights
violation.
© 2009/2010 Rus Ervin Funk,
all rights reserved
MEN’S RELATIONSHIP TO SEXUAL
ASSAULT/DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
 Tend to have minimal or un-known
relationship

 Assume other men (and women) think of men

as either victims or offenders

 “other-ing”
ECOLOGICAL FRAMEWORK

Organizational
(Practices)
Intrapersonal
Relational
(Attitudes)
(Behaviors)

Community
(Norms)
Socio-Cultural
(Customs, laws, beliefs)
CONTINUUM OF SEXUAL VIOLENCE

Threat/level of violence

Sexism Gender Sexual Coerced/ Stranger Gang Rape

Harassment Harassment Forced “sex” Rape Rape Murder

*Based on the work of Rus Ervin Funk, Reaching Men: Strategies for
Preventing Sexist Attitudes, Behavior and Violence (2006).
THE CONTEXT…
 Collective impact
 How men’s violence (and the threat of men’s
violence) impact all women
 How all men benefit from the violence that some
men perpetrate

 Sexism as the core…

 PUTTING IT INTO PRACTICE
 Prevention education
 Leadership development
 Bystander intervention and support
 Organizational level intervention
 Community organizing
 Policy advocacy
A KEY POINT
Men Are not the problem

And Men are responsible for

Sexism and Violence

© 2009/2012 Rus Ervin Funk,

all rights reserved
BEING MALE AND A “MAN:
“the important fact of men’s lives is not that
they are biological males, but that they
become men. Our sex may be male, but our
identity as men is developed through a
complex process of interaction with the
culture in which we learn the gender scripts,
and modify those scripts to make them more
palatable.”

Michael Kimmel and Michael Messner, 1989

3 CORE DIMENSIONS OF MANHOOD
1. How men handle life (Active and
Achievement)
independent, competitive
2. How men handle others (dominant)
aggressive, powerful, boastful
I would add competitive
3. How men handle emotions (“level-headed”)
unemotional, self-control
anger as men’s only allowed/supported emotion

(Michael Cicone & Diane Ruble, 1976)

 Being a “Man”

What Men What’s Done to

are Called Men

“Man Up”
ENGAGING MEN
ASSUMPTIONS OF ENGAGING
MEN
 What do men think about domestic violence?

 What do men think about women advocates?

 What do men think about men who work on

these issues?

 What do men think about feminists and

feminism?

 How do you expect men to respond to you?

© 2009/2010 Rus Ervin Funk,

all rights reserved
 REVISED ASSUMPTIONS…
 Men have experienced multiple forms of
violence and abuse.
 Men Care!
 Men are opposed to domestic violence and rape.
 Men are NOT the problem.
 Men have an unlimited ability to feel
compassion and empathy.
 Men Want to be a part of the solution.
 Some men act in abusive and sexist ways.
© 2009/2010 Rus Ervin Funk,
all rights reserved
WHAT’S EFFECTIVE
 Gender and Context Matter!
 Utilize the Prevention Framework
 Define specific groups of men to engage
 Clarify your reason for asking this man(or
group of men) to be engaged
 Identify what “engagement” means (i.e.
what we want them to do)
 Clarify roles for men in your
agency/community?
 GENDER & CONTEXT
 Men are different than women
 Men do not experience domestic and sexual
violence like women do
 Men’s recognize that domestic and sexual violence
have a different impact on women
 Domestic and sexual violence are gendered
 Not all men are similarly situated in relation to
sexual and domestic violence

© 2012 Rus Ervin Funk,

all rights reserved
LEARNING/ENGAGEMENT OPPORTUNITIES

Little
Learning
Zone

Optimal Learning Zone

Little Learning /
Damage Zone
ENGAGEMENT STRATEGIES
 Meet men where they are
Engaging hostile men is different than engaging
overcommitted men

 Don’t engage men to change men

 Know why you’re engaging men (why should this
man/group be engaged)
 Engage men…to do what?
 Next Steps…

© 2009, 2012 Rus Ervin Funk,

all rights reserved
LOCATING THE PROBLEM

Organizational
(Practices)
Intrapersonal
(Attitudes) X Relational
(Behaviors)

X
Community
(Norms)
Socio-Cultural
(Customs, laws, beliefs)
CONTINUUM OF MEN’S ENGAGEMENT

in g
io n
u est Engaged
but
U Q
intne-r hesitant
ested butitted
g e d m
Envgear-com
Resistant O

Opposed ga g e d a nd w
n
E y to follo
read

Overtly Actively Leading

hostile

© 2007 Rus Ervin Funk,

all rights reserved
ENGAGING MEN
 Identify which men you want to engage
 Focus on “engage-able men”
 Identify why they want to be engage
 Identify their point of entrée
 Identify what they need in order to stay
engaged/increase their engagement
 Identify who else they can engage

© 2012 Rus Ervin Funk,

all rights reserved
ENGAGING MEN
 Male Significant others
 Bystanders
 Male as volunteers
 Men who have perpetrated violence
 Men in groups

© 2009 Rus Ervin Funk, all rights

reserved
WHY DO YOU WANT THIS MAN?
 Combating male defensiveness
 What is his point of entrée?
 What are the next steps beyond this point of
entrée that are accessible to him?
 What supports does he need to take those
next steps?
 Is if okay if he doesn’t?
If you had a group of men who were engaged
and ready to work…

What would you have them do???

WHAT MEN CAN DO
(MICHAEL FLOOD, 2011)

 Behave Nonviolently

 Taking individual action

 Join Collective Efforts

 BEHAVE NONVIOLENTLY
 Treat the women in our lives with respect
 Equalize relationships
 Resist sexism and violence
 Inform yourself
 Resist “settling”
 Take action

© 2012 Rus Ervin Funk,

all rights reserved
 BYSTANDER TO ALLY
 Overview of bystander theory
 Why men “stand by”
 Who men “stand by” given the chance
 Becoming an ally…

© 2009 Rus Ervin Funk,

all rights reserved
WHY MEN STAND BY

• Defining the behavior

• Defining the relationship
■ Men less likely to define the behavior

as problematic than women

■ Especially if they perceive it to be a

relationship
• No “cock-blocking”

© 2009, 2011 Rus Ervin Funk,

all rights reserved
AND…
 Men side with men
■ As default
■ Will side with women if
 Know woman better than man
 If have positive regard for woman

 Diffusion of Responsibility – S&DV are “women’s

issues”
 Don’t know how

© 2009 Rus Ervin Funk,

all rights reserved
FURTHERMORE…
 The kinds of situations that men see:
 “relationship blues”
 Flirting with the waitress
 Locker-room talk

 Speaking up = placing oneself as not “one of the

guys.” (cost of intervening)

© 2009 Rus Ervin Funk,

all rights reserved
 TAKE ACTION INDIVIDUALLY
 Support women or men who have been
victimized
 Listen
 Believe
 Respect
 Challenge/Care-front abusive men
 Set a standard
 Talk to your friends
 Hold Accountable

© 2012 Rus Ervin Funk,

all rights reserved
 TAKE ACTION
 Become an ally
 Challenge Social Norms
 Provide Information
 Challenge assumptions
 Use humor
 Talk to other men
 Join a Men’s Group
 Don’t use pornography

© 2012 Rus Ervin Funk,

all rights reserved
POSSIBLE GROUPS
 Fathers (esp. dads of teenagers)
 Coaches
 Men of faith
 Teens
 Victims
 Loved ones
 Former perpetrators
 Male leaders in the community
 Why should they be engaged?
ALLY THEORY
 Listen  Seek Support
 Accept Responsibility  Earn Trust
 Accept Personal  Act Reliably
Ownership of the Issue  Take the lead (at
 Open Doors times)
 Take Chances  “Check in”
 Are Accountable

© 2009 Rus Ervin Funk, all rights

reserved
DIFFERENT TYPES OF ALLIANCES
 Boys as allies for girls
 Boys as allies for each other
 Adult males as allies for boys
 To support leadership development

 To foster gender respect

 Adult males as allies for women and girls

© 2009/2010 Rus Ervin Funk,

all rights reserved
JOIN COLLECTIVE EFFORTS
 White Ribbon Campaign
 Walk a Mile in her Shoes
 Mentor younger men
 Offer presentations
 Boycott sexist media
 Challenge pro-violent media
 Don’t use
 EFFECTIVE STRATEGIES
 Don’t engage men to change men
 Start with men you know
 Start with these men with where they are
(not where you wish they were or think they
should be)
 Create points of entrée
 Thing strategizing more then event planning
 Support their development
 Invite them to do the work, not listen to a
conversation
© 2012 Rus Ervin Funk,
all rights reserved
SUPPORTING MALE ALLIES
 Invite to be further involved
 Provide resources
 Connect him/them with others
 Support through their learning
 Provide additional support
ON ACCOUNTABILITY
 Accountability is…
 Transparent
 Process not end-point
 Relational
 Following through
 Listening to feminists first
 Accepting Consequences
 Making Amends

© 2009 Rus Ervin Funk, all rights

reserved
Why do you want to engage
men?

© 2009/2012 Rus Ervin Funk,

all rights reserved
WHY ENGAGE MEN
 Because they “need to get it”
 Because they can be ambassadors for your
organization/mission
 Because they are core partners in prevention
 Because they have been victimized
 Because they love women or men who have
been victimized
 Others…

© 2012 Rus Ervin Funk,

all rights reserved
How do you focus on the support for and
empowerment of women…

and engage and support men?

© 2009/2012 Rus Ervin Funk,

all rights reserved
ORGANIZATIONAL READINESS

Interested
Ambivalent
but
unprepared
Un
in ter t
e an
ste
d esi t
Resistant H Over-taxed

Opposed Ready, prepared

and engaging

© 2009/2010 Rus Ervin Funk,

all rights reserved
What Concerns or Fear do
you have about Engaging
Men?

© 2010/2012 Rus Ervin Funk,

all rights reserved
WHICH MEN
 Which men do you want to engage?
Why these men?

 What access do you have to these men?

 What methods do you have to engage these
men?
 How do you make these men feel welcome
and comfortable within your organization?

© 2009/2012 Rus Ervin Funk,

all rights reserved
MEN’S VIEWS OF YOU
 Why (according to your community) do men
come to your door?

 What is men’s experience of coming in your

door?

 What is men’s perceptions of you?

 As an organization
 The staff within the organization
 What is men’s perceptions of men who are
connected to your organization?

© 2009/2011 Rus Ervin Funk,

all rights reserved
 THINGS TO CONSIDER
 Are men
 Potential perpetrators
 Potential victims
 Potential allies
 Men have a different understanding of/relationship
to violence than do women.
 Men’s understanding of/relationship to is at the
intersection of their identities.
 Accepting men from where they are, not where
you want them to be.
 Make room for men to grow in their understanding

© 2009/2012 Rus Ervin Funk,

all rights reserved
MORE THINGS TO CONSIDER
 Many men perpetrate “low level” forms of
violence and abuse/Most men perpetrate
sexism.
 How you respond to different levels of
sexism/abuse
 Defining different roles for men than for
women within the agency/movement.
 It’s not a matter of if, but when…

© 2009/2011 Rus Ervin Funk,

all rights reserved
AND FINALLY…
 What experience do men have in
following women’ s leadership?

 What experience do women

have in providing leadership to
men?
www.menengage.org
MENENGAGE INTERNATIONAL NETWORKS
 RESOURCES
 A Call to Men (www.acalltomen.com)
 Men Against Domestic Violence
(www.womenaresafe.org/madv)
 Men Against Rape (www.menagainstrape.org)
 Men Against Sexual Violence
(www.menagainstsexualviolence.org)
 Men Against Violence Against Women
(www.mavaw.org)
 Men Against Violence (www.menagainstviolence.net)
 Men Can Stop Rape (www.mencanstoprape.org)
 Men’s Initiative of Jane Doe Inc. (www.mijd.org)
© 2009/2012 Rus Ervin Funk,
all rights reserved
RESOURCES II
 Men’s Nonviolence Project
(www.tcfv.org/nulceus/mnp.php)
 Men Stopping Rape (www.men-stopping-rape.org)
 Men Stopping Violence (www.menstoppingviolence.org)
 Men’s Resource Center for Change
(www.mrcforchange.org)
 Men’s Resources International
(www.mensresourcesinternational.org)
 Men Today Men Tomorrow
(www.mentodayidaho.org)
 MensWork: eliminating violence against women
(www.mensworkinc.com)
 White Ribbon Campaign (www.whiteribbon.ca)

© 2009/2012 Rus Ervin Funk,

all rights reserved
THANK-YOU!!!

Rus Ervin Funk

PO box 4878
Louisville, KY 40204
www.rusfunk.com
www.mensworkinc.com
(502)494-9044