Seven Deadly Sins of e-Writing

1. Writing the way you speak By ignoring good sentence

structure

2. Sounding unprofessional By writing formally or casually

3. Intimidating the reader By ignoring the appearance of the

document

4. Failing to link your sentences By not indicating how your

thoughts fit together

5. Confusing the reader By providing too many details

6. Distracting the reader By making blatant grammar and

spelling errors

7. Becoming a dictator By not using the appropriate tone

 Problem #1 : Writing the way you speak

Example 1
Hello Suvarna, thanks for your follow-up call – things have been
progressing a little slower than I had hoped, but now moving along.
Several of our managers have been away so this got held up in
establishing numbers/# of classes, so the participant list wasn’t
forthcoming so have put out directly to staff and the response is
coming in very positively, we are striving to do 2 classes split out over
2 days as discussed which our managers very much appreciated, staff
too as it is just so difficult to pull people for a full day as I’ve
mentioned. Obviously we are looking now late September/early-mid
October for the timing, but I should have enough info to bake in some
dates/commitments with you shortly and also in line with what your
availability may be at this time. My apology for the delay and
appreciate your patience. I will follow up with you no later than
Friday. Do we need to speak before then as I’m happy to call you if
you’d like, just let me know. Thanks!
Describe the writer of this email. For example, is the writer a clear
thinker? Organized?

Problem #2 : Not Sounding Professional

Example 1 : Writing too casually
Esha,

I look forward to our meeting on Friday, January 15. I am confident

that we can find solutions to all the outstanding issues concerning our
joint project. 
Is the emoticon necessary?
 Problem #2 : Not Sounding Professional

Example 2 : Writing too formally

Sir/Madam,

Your present circumstances has been appraised to the obligatory

groups, and upon prudent thought, we are able to offer to you the
ensuing opening offer.

Based upon prudent thought you are eligible to collect an attractive

revenue on your first property investment. By completing the ensuing
attached form in a timely manner, we will be able to complete our
estimation, and we feel certain you will collect not only a lower rate
of interest, but also a cash return that will complete all your holiday
needs and more!

Please go here to complete this stage of the contract.

With sincerest regards,

Ramesh Tyagi

Are you impressed with this writer’s ability to communicate?

Example 3
AFAIK ur package was sent yesterday. Will F/U.
Writing in a manner similar to WhatsApp does not make it easy.

Example 4
HEY, I JUST WANTED TO SEE IF YOU HAD MADE ANY PROGRESS ON
THE RFP FOR AN ADMINISTRATION OUTSOURCING COMPANY. DROP
BY AND TALK TO ME.
Do the caps help you understand this message?
 Problem #3 : Intimidating the Reader

Example 1
Hello Mohammed and Allan,

As you are aware over the last few months, we have been working
with Cobden Credit Union to resolve some very complicated issues
within their patching environment. When I was first approached to
attend a meeting with this customer (to try and sell PSS), I was not
aware that they were VERY dissatisfied with ABC and their patching
philosophy, and that their confidence with installing ABC patches was
very low due to many problems they had experienced over a 2 year
period. I convinced them to purchase a customized Patch Analysis for
both their test and production servers and committed to assisting
them during the installation to help them work through any issues.
We have been working diligently, to first of all understand their
environment, create the appropriate bundles and then install them
successfully while resolving many many other issues within their
environment. I fully understand, am very confident with ABC's
Patching process, so my main goal was to restore their confidence and
happiness with ABC. I am very excited to say that we have succeeded
this task and have another happy customer under our belts. I have
invited them to lunch next week to celebrate our success and I will
use this opportunity to talk to them about PSS. This should not be
difficult as they have seen the value (as per the message below), and
now have some real life experience in their environment to validate it.
I will also setup a further meeting for ABC to come onsite and present
the PSS portfolio and work with them create a solution that fits.

Mohammed — thank you for all of your assistance and confidence

around the invoice issue, we both knew they would clear this upon
successful completion of our work.
I will keep you posted.

Kind regards, Michele

Did you want to read this message? Why not?

 Problem #3 : Intimidating the Reader
Example 2 : Revised
Hello Mohammed and Allan,

Here is an update on my work with Cobden Credit Union.

Background
When I was first met with this customer (to try to sell PSS), I was not
aware that they were dissatisfied with ABC and their patching
philosophy. And that their confidence with installing ABC patches was
low because of the problems they had experienced over a two- year
period.

Work Completed
I convinced them to purchase a customized Patch Analysis for both
their test and production servers and assisted them during the
installation to work through any issues. We worked diligently to:
• Understand their environment
• Create the appropriate bundles
• Install them successfully
• Resolve other issues within their environment

Results
We have another happy customer. I invited them to lunch next week
to celebrate our success and will use this opportunity to talk to them
about PSS. This should not be difficult as they have seen the value
(see message below) and have the experience to validate it.

I will also set up a further meeting for ABC to come onsite so we can
present the PSS portfolio and work with them to create a solution that
fits.

Mohammed — Thank you for all of your assistance and confidence

around the invoice issue. I will keep you posted.

Regards, Michele
This message takes up more screen space, but isn’t it easier to read?
 Problem #4 : Failing to link sentences
Example 1
As per your email, our IT strategy for STARBRITE is to reduce the
number of vendors we deal with to simplify the paperwork. We want
to increase the advantage we have with our primary suppliers. Astor
and Fuller are our telecom providers for data networks. Astor already
provides very good service for our data communications in the
western region, and on our participant network in Toronto. We use
Fuller for telephone circuits only. IT believes that moving our cell
phone business to Astor will improve our advantage with this vendor
and simplify the paperwork. Remaining with Fuller will not provide us
any strategic advantage.
Could you read this message quickly?

Example 2 : Revised
As you requested, here is the rationale behind our decision on the
vendor for our cell phone business. Our IT strategy is to reduce the
number of vendors we deal with so we can simplify the paperwork.
And we want to increase the advantage we have with our primary
suppliers. Currently, Astor and Fuller are our telecom providers for
data networks. Astor already provides very good service for our data
communications in the western region and on our participant
network in Toronto. But we use Fuller for telephone circuits only.
Therefore, IT believes that remaining with Fuller will not provide us
any strategic advantage. On the other hand, moving our cell phone
business to Astor will improve our advantage with this vendor and
simplify the paperwork.

Can you see how adding linking words makes it easier to read quickly?
 Problem #5 : Confusing with too many details
Example 1
Project Managers: This email is in response to an action item from the first
meeting of the task force on AA Workload Sharing and Priority Planning
that was held on Wednesday, February 4. The task force consists of all AAs
(standards development) and 3 project managers (David Hulford, David
Zimmerman and myself). The purpose of the meeting was to inform us
about the Seabring initiative on AA Workload Sharing and Priority
Planning proposed during the recent meeting of the Program Managers
and Directors. The proposed objective was to review the roles,
assignments and priorities of the Administrative Assistants based on
program support needs for the next FY and to establish if possible a
process that would enable adjustments of the AA priorities periodically
and make use of Seabring resources across the division on an ongoing
basis.

It was suggested to solicit your anonymous input, so we can get a better

understanding of the current situation/potential issues and plan next
steps in order to evaluate and hopefully achieve objectives of the task
group. It was agreed that both PMs and AAs be surveyed. Attached is a
copy of a PM survey form developed in consultation with few AAs & PMs.
Your honest responses to the questions asked will help us get the
information we need.

Please take few minutes of your time to review, complete and return the
attached survey form to Diane Palm, or me by Friday February 13, 201-.
You may reply by email, or by forwarding a hard copy via inter-office mail
(to ensure your response remains anonymous). All replies will be kept
confidential and used only in summarized form for further evaluation by
the Task Group.

We are planning to schedule the next task force meeting when all results
from the surveys are categorized, summarized and evaluated (details to
follow). Please let me know if you have any questions, or concerns with
our proposed approach, or the attached survey form.

Thank you in advance for your cooperation and your valuable input.
What does the writer want the project managers to do?
 Problem #6 : Distracting from the message
Example 1
Hi Jane I did send in a request the other woman received hers as she
replied yesterday to my response. I sent the certificates to the sesion
location contact as per Starbrite's instructions as for how they
distribute them is their discrete. I will send another certificate for this
person. Any questions, comments or concerns please do let us know

Did you read this message quickly or did you get distracted by the
errors as you read?