Chapter 15

Komunikasi Interpersonal

Hubungan Interpersonal

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 Karakteristik Hub. Interpersonal
 Interperp. Relationships range from
impersonal to intimate
 Interperp. Relationships emphasize
both content and emotions
 Interperp. Relationships may be
complimentary and symetrical
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• Interperp. Relationships are governed
by rules
• Interperp. Relationships evolve in
stages
• Interperp. Relationships range from
self oriented to other oriented

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Intimacy!

INTIMACY
DOES NOT EQUAL
SEX!

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Then what does make
relationships intimate?
 Knowledge
 Caring
 Interdependence
 Mutuality
 Trust
 Commitment

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Why do we get involved in
intimate relationships?

 Need to belong

 Better mental and physical health

See also: FIRO (Schutz)

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What Influences the Types of
Relationships We Have?

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Cultural Norms
 Socioeconomic development
 Individualism
 Technology
 Sex ratio

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Sex Differences
 Expected = Men are from Mars, Women
are from Venus
 Actual = Men and Women are from
Earth!
 Why is the Mars & Venus attitude
problematic?

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Gender Differences
 Sex vs. gender differences
 sex
 biological distinctions
 stem naturally from their physical natures
 gender
 social & psychological distinctions
 CREATED by culture & upbringing

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Personality
The BIG 5
 extraversion

 agreeableness

 conscientiousness

 neuroticism

 openness to experience

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Relationship Development
 The model of relational development
is an explanation put into stages that
identifies and develops understanding
about the communication experiences
that interpersonal communicators
experience in terms of changes in
intimacy levels. (Wilmot, 1995:58-61)

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Stages of Relational Development

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 Initiating stage:
 When two persons started to talking
together, they began the initiating
stage. On the basis of first impressions,
we often decide the other person isn't
interesting enough or doesn't seem to
want to pursue a relationship with us.
 "Hi, how ya doin'?" "Fine, you?" 

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 Experimenting stage:
 In this stage, people make a conscious
effort to seek out common interests and
experiences. At this stage of
relationship, everything is generally
pleasant, relaxed, and uncritical,
although still uncertain.
 "Oh, so you like to ski...so do I."
 "You do?! Great. Where do you go?"
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 Intensifying stage:
 At this stage, they start to open up to
each other-telling each other private
things about their families and friends.
They talk about their moral value. They
also begin to share their frustrations,
imperfections, and prejudices.
 "I...I think I like you." "I like you too."

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 Integrating stage:
 The friendship has taken on a
specialness. They do most things
together and reflect about their
common experiences-the things they do
together.
 "I feel so much a part of you."
"Yeah, we are like one person. What happens
to you happens to me."
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 Bonding stage:

 At this stage, the participants make

some sort of formal commitment that
announces their relationship to those
around them.
 "I want to be with you always"
"Let's get married."

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 Differentiating stage:

 Is the process of beginning the

uncoupling, just as integrating was the
process of coming together.
 "I just don't like big social gatherings." 
"Sometimes I just don't understand you.
  This is one area where I am not like you at
all."

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Circumscribing stage:
 During this stage, the communication
becomes constricted, decreases in
amount, and is restricted to certain
topics. Tends to focus on more public
and superficial topics.
 "Did you have a good time on your trip?"
"What time will dinner be ready?"

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Stagnation stage:

 The relationship has no chance to grow,

and when the partners communicate,
they talk like strangers. The subject of
the relationship itself is now off limits.
 "What's there to talk about?"
"Right, I know what you're going to say and
you know  what I'm going to say."

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 Avoiding stage:
 This stage involves physical separation. The
parties avoid face to face interaction. They are
not interested in spending time together, in
building any kind of relationship, or in
establishing any communication channels.
 "I'm so busy, I don't know if I'll be able to see you."
"If I'm not around when you try, you'll understand."

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 Terminating stage:
 In the terminating stage, the
participants find away to bring the
relationship to an end. Each party is
preparing for life without the other.
Differences are emphasized, and
communication is difficult and awkward.
 I'm leaving you...and don't bother calling
me." "Don't worry."
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