For the Greatness Show

Why parenting skills?

 Parents wants their children to be independent
and interdependent
 Parents want all positives for their children- inner
confidence, a sense of purpose and involvement,
meaningful and constructive relationship with other,
success at school and in work
 On the other hand, Nation building starts from
building families-without having productive families, it
is impossible to have productive nation
Therefore, it is very important for us-the parents- to have
the right skills in raising our kids
 Quote
“ Raising kids is part joy and part guerrilla
warfare” ED ASNER

On today’s show , we will see the parenting styles and

one skill that we need to help our kids to develop –the
self-esteem
Parenting styles
Why we need to know about parenting styles?
Because it dictates how we relate ourselves with our children

The basis of parenting styles are two convictions ፡-

1. Responsiveness

2. Control

Different parenting authorities divide parenting styles into

different categories.

For instance, “ The Love and Logic” Authors, Foster Cline and Jim Fay
categorized parenting styles in to four- Let’s see them
Parenting styles
1. Helicopter parents
2. Drill Sergeant parents
3. The Laissez-Faire parent
4. The Consultant parents
---Parenting styles
1. Helicopter parents
As we know:
 Helicopters make a lot of wind, noise, and vibration
 Their role is to hover, rescue, and protect
But what if the helicopter hovers overhead when there is no
emergency? It is a problem
When parents` insist hovering to provide constant
protection, it is a pain. It can hinder normal life. Those
who use this approach are called helicopter parents
They stay close by in order to rescue their children whenever
a problem arises.
---Parenting styles
---Helicopter parents
They jump in to shield their children from teachers,
playmates, and other apparently hostile environment.
They involve in every committee the school may
organize., some of them seem to be at school more
than some of the teachers.
They seem so caring, and they are always “there” for
their kids
Helicopter parents often do things for their kids
because of the way they-the parents feel
---Parenting styles
---Helicopter parents
Out of “love” or guilt, they will refrain from imposing or
allowing consequences, because they feel uncomfortable
with consequences
When their children hurt, they bail them out-because they
hurt too.
Helicopter parents behave the way they do because they
confuse love, protection, and caring.
These parents don’t allow their children to fail. If their
kids fail, they mistakenly reason, it means they are un
caring and unloving parents.
---Parenting styles
---Helicopter parents
These parents are obsessed with the desire to create a
perfect life for their kids-children never have to face
struggles, inconveniences, discomforts, or
disappointments. Parents do much of the work for
these kids
Covertly they have a message “you are fragile and
can’t make it without me”
---Parenting styles
2. Drill Sergeant parents
“ Do it or you are grounded” they bark
Raising kids by barking orders at them is not effective.
They believe that children must submit without protest to
their parents. Children are expected to fit in more than
think themselves.
The parent may say “ I don’t care how you feel about it –you
get it done now.”
Children of drill sergeant parents don’t know how to make
decisions- they have been orderd around all their lives,
listening to voices coming from outside of their heads.
---Parenting styles
--- Drill Sergeant parents
Make “ do as I tell you” message
Covertly communicate, “ you can’t think for yourself, so I
will do it for you”
---Parenting styles
3. The laissez-Faire parent
They let their children raise themselves
They don’t set boundaries to their
behaviors or actions
Believe a theory that children are born
with the ability to govern themselves.
“ whatever will be, will be” approach
---Parenting styles
4. The consultant parent
Consultant parents ask questions and offer choices
Instead of telling their children what to do, they put the
burden of decision making on their kid’s shoulder
They provide options within safe limits.
Parents can prepare their children for the real life
---parenting styles
On the other hand, Dr. Phil, in his book, “ Family First”,
categorized parenting styles into three
1. Authoritarian (similar to Drill Sergeant)
This parents tell a child what to do, the rules are clear
and usually inflexible
An authoritarian parents control most of the decision
making process.
---Parenting styles
2. Equalitarian (similar to consultative parents)
 This category of parents give their children a role in
making choices; children are involved in decision
making process
 There is a room for flexibility.
 The parents are responsive, attentive and sensitive
to children’s need
---Parenting styles
3. Permissive:- ( similar to The laissez-Faire
parent)
 Keep children within broad boundaries- Armstrong,
Albert Einstein, and Thomas Edison had permissive
parents
---parenting skills
Steven Covey is known for his book “ The 7 habits of highly
effective people” but he also have a book entitled, “ the 7
habits of highly effective Families”-in which he focused
on certain principles to be followed in parenting our kids
and building our families:
Habit 1-Be proactive- becoming an agent of change in your
family
Habit 2- Begin with the end in mind-Developing a family
mission statement
Habit 3- Put first things first- making family a priority in a
turbulent world
---parenting skills
Habit 4-Think “ win-win”- moving from “me” to “we”
Habit 5- Seek first to understand-then to be
understood-solving family problems through
empathetic communications
Habit 6-Synergize-Building family unity through
celebrating differences
Habit 7-Sharpen the saw-Renewing the family spirit
through traditions
---parenting styles
In conclusion , regarding parenting styles,

We may choose different styles in different

situations and circumstances
But in my opinion, it is good to dominantly
use styles that encourage children to involve
in the process making decisions
Some parenting skills
There are different skills parents need to have to help
their children. These include:
Building :
 self esteem
 Decision making skills
 Problem solving skills
 Creativity skills
 Motivation skills
 ---Some skills
Self esteem
What is it?
It is how the child feels about himself/herself-
it is his/her overall judgment of self –how
much he/she likes his/her particular person
There are high and low self esteems
High self-esteem mean- a sense of self respect,
a feeling of self-worth, knowing that he/she
has value
low self-esteem- disrespect of self, feeling of
unworthiness
---self esteem
Why self esteem?
Some scholars found out that:-
Your child’s judgment of himself/herself influences
the kind of friends he/she chooses,
how he/she gets along with others,
the kind of person he/she marries,
how productive he/she will be
It affects his/her creativity, integrity, and even
whether he/she will be a leader or a follower
---self-esteem
What is the source of self-esteem?
Studies show that this characteristics-self esteem- is
not related to family wealth, education, geographical
living area, social class, parents’ occupation, or always
having mother at home.
It comes instead from the quality of the
relationships that exist between the child and
those who play a significant role in his/her life
“ Helping children build high self-esteem is the key to
successful parenthood”
---self-esteem
How can we develop self-esteem in our children?
Give attention to your kids, give them your
smiles, give them time to play with you-specially
at early age
Take care of the words that use in dealing with
your children- it is clear that words have power-
some parents curse their kids, they talk to them
as if they are worthless, and useless- like in
Amharic, “Yematereba, Dekama” ---be aware that
words can destroy or build self-respect
---self-esteem
Involve children in different activities that will help them get
awareness of their competencies like in sports, music, arts, etc-
it will give them further information about themselves-

Praise kids but discriminate behaviors which are worth

praising- be specific at all cost
 provide a playful way to talk about positive qualities: ask
questions like:
 Name things you like to do
 List some things you do well
 Share good qualities about yourself like caring, honest, helpful
etc
 Name some nice things you have said to your friends or done
for them
---self-esteem
Telling a child that he or she is unique or special by itself
is not enough---experience really counts-- action speaks
louder than words
Let me tell you my experience in building high self-esteem
in my children
1. Kids involvement in charity-They support a child
2. Kids involvement in setting their annual goals -
3. A regular separate session with them
4. Recent poem on “ Make mistakes” --Use every opportunity
to teach your kids certain values
---Self-esteem
A poem for the parents’ day:
Make mistakes
“Many of us afraid of making mistakes
We want to be perfect- making no errors
But--- in the real life, there is no perfection
Therefore, Make mistakes- and get the opportunity to learn
No one is perfect-No one knows all
Make mistakes, and learn---this is my call
Don’t give up from trying---start rolling the ball! ”
Lulim Wondwossen
Conclusion
“ Parenting is said to be the toughest job for which we
receive the least training”