Chapter 4

Revising and Proofreading

Business Messages

Copyright © 2008 by Nelson Education Ltd. Ch. 4-1

 Revising and Proofreading

 Revising: Improving content and sentence

structure. May include adding, cutting,
changing.
 Proofreading: Correcting grammar, spelling,
punctuation, format, and mechanics.

Copyright © 2008 by Nelson Education Ltd. Ch. 4-2

 Concise Wording

Look for shorter ways to say what you mean.

Instead of this: Try this:

We are of the opinion that We think
Please feel free to Please
In addition to the above Also
At this point in time Now
Due to the fact that Because

Copyright © 2008 by Nelson Education Ltd. Ch. 4-3

 Long Lead-Ins

Instead of this: Try this:

This memo is to inform All employees meet
you that all employees today.
meet today.
I am writing this letter to Thanks to everyone who
say thanks to everyone voted.
who voted.

Copyright © 2008 by Nelson Education Ltd. Ch. 4-4

 Try Your Skill

Make the following sentence shorter and

avoid a long lead-in.
 This e-mail message is to inform you that in all
probability we will finish in two weeks.
We will probably finish in two weeks.

Copyright © 2008 by Nelson Education Ltd. Ch. 4-5

 Try Your Skill

Make the following sentence shorter and

avoid a long lead-in.
 There are many companies who are certain
that these products are absolutely safe.
Many companies are certain that these products
are absolutely safe.

Copyright © 2008 by Nelson Education Ltd. Ch. 4-6

 Redundant Words

Avoid repeating ideas when unnecessary. In

these examples, the word in italics is not needed.
adequate enough new beginning
advance warning past history
big in size red in colour
each and every repeat again
exactly identical true facts

Copyright © 2008 by Nelson Education Ltd. Ch. 4-7

 Jargon

Avoid technical terms and special terminology that

readers may not understand.

Copyright © 2008 by Nelson Education Ltd. Ch. 4-8

 Slang

Avoid slang (informal words with greatly

changed meanings).
totally awesome excellent
chill/chill out relax

Copyright © 2008 by Nelson Education Ltd. Ch. 4-9

 Clichés

Avoid clichés (overused expressions) by using

clearer words.
Last but not least, you should Finally, you should work
work together. together.

The project was not a piece of The project was not easy.
cake.

Copyright © 2008 by Nelson Education Ltd. Ch. 4-10

 Try Your Skill

Revise the following sentence to avoid

slang, clichés, and redundant words.
 Last but not least, the accountant repeated
again the true facts.
Finally, the accountant repeated the facts.

Copyright © 2008 by Nelson Education Ltd. Ch. 4-11

 Try Your Skill

Revise the following sentence to avoid

slang, clichés, and redundant words.
 Because of the advance warning, we made a
killing in the stock market .
Because of the warning, we were successful in
the stock market.

Copyright © 2008 by Nelson Education Ltd. Ch. 4-12

 Precise Verbs

 Revise your writing to include precise verbs

instead of general ones.
Market researchers said that profits would improve.
What more precise verbs could replace said?
Market researchers forecasted improved profits.
Market researchers promised improved profits.
Market researchers predicted improved profits.

Copyright © 2008 by Nelson Education Ltd. Ch. 4-13

 Try Your Skill

Revise the following sentence using more

precise verbs.
 The seller said she would contact you.
The seller promised to e-mail [telephone or fax]
you.

Copyright © 2008 by Nelson Education Ltd. Ch. 4-14

 Concrete Nouns

Use specific, concrete nouns and not general,

abstract nouns.
The man asked for a raise.
Jeff Jones asked for a 10 percent salary increase.

An employee presented a proposal.

Kelly Keeler, production manager, presented a plan to
change working hours.

Copyright © 2008 by Nelson Education Ltd. Ch. 4-15

 Vivid Adjectives

Use descriptive, dynamic adjectives.

The report was good.
The report was persuasive (or detailed,
original, complete, comprehensive).

Copyright © 2008 by Nelson Education Ltd. Ch. 4-16

What to Watch for in
Proofreading

Spelling
Grammar
Punctuation
Names and numbers
Format
Consistency

Copyright © 2008 by Nelson Education Ltd. Ch. 4-17

 How to Proofread Routine
Documents
 Print a copy, preferably double-spaced, and set
it aside.
 Allow adequate time.
 Be prepared to find errors.
 Read once for meaning and once for
grammar/mechanics.
 Reduce your reading speed.
 Use standard proofreading marks.

Copyright © 2008 by Nelson Education Ltd. Ch. 4-18

 End

Copyright © 2008 by Nelson Education Ltd. Ch. 4-19