Dealing with Difficult People

in the Workplace

November 8, 2016

Presented By:

Stephen Lopez
 Myths vs.
Facts

MYTH: Difficult people were put on earth

just to mess with me!

FACT: Many difficult people are focused

on their own issues, and not on you. They
often are having difficulty figuring out how
to deal with a problem.
 Myths vs.
Facts

MYTH: The police are here to protect

and serve.

FACT: The police cannot protect you

most of the time. Most of the time,
they respond to calls for help.
 Myths vs.
Facts

MYTH: It is management’s responsibility

to protect me at work.

FACT: It is everyone’s responsibility to

use safety precautions and follow
safety procedures.
 BEFORE . . .
 The time to start dealing with a
difficult person is BEFORE they are in
your office
 Have safety plans in place in the office
 Identify frequent problem situations
 Identify resources
 Create resources
 Practice deflection techniques

©1999 – NMSU Police Department.

 Why are people difficult?
 Don’t understand what is happening
 Don’t know how to resolve problem
 Don’t like the options they see
 Tired
 Frustrated
 Dealing with other problems
 Feel ignored or that you don’t care
 Lack of adequate feedback
 Bullies
 Sometimes it is only our perception
©1999 – NMSU Police Department.
 Where do we start?

 Despite how it looks, remember that

the other person is usually focused on
themselves, and isn’t really trying to
push your buttons (well, mostly)
 Recognize the situation:
 Have similar situations caused
problems in the past?
 Is there a history with this person?

©1999 – NMSU Police Department.

 Where do we start?

 What is their goal?

 What is your goal?
Implement safety procedures if
needed or appropriate (e.g., have others
present)
 Identify options (in advance, if possible)
 Use effective, tactical communication

©1999 – NMSU Police Department.

 Sample Safety Procedures

 Have someone else nearby

 Use a pre-designated “triage room”
Have a code phrase worked out with
colleagues, and a plan of what to do
 Report safety concerns:
 Police
 CARE Team
 Supervisor
 Have a plan for escape
©1999 – NMSU Police Department.
What is Tactical Communication?

The expressing of ideas and conveying of messages

through the use of verbal and non-verbal means
in a manner that does not jeopardize the safety of
the employee.
Effective Communication Requires:

Sender
 Effective Communication Requires:

Receiver Sender
 Effective Communication Requires:

Receiver Sender

Message
 Effective Communication Requires:

Feedback

Receiver Sender

Message
 Interference Caused By:

???????

Different
Language

Receiver Yo quero Sender

Taco Bell.

Message
 Interference Caused By:

NOISE

Receiver Sender
 Interference Caused By:

What’s a
bloody “yawl”?

Cultural
Differences

How Sender
Receiver Y’All
Doing?
Message
 Interference Caused By:

What’s he
asking?

Problems with
Encoding/Decoding
What Sender
Receiver did he
say?
Message
 Interference Caused By:

Does he think
I’m stupid?

Bias and
assumptions
It needs to Sender
Receiver be done
this way.
Message
 Interference Caused By:

I feel sick. It
must have been
the chocolate.

Preoccupation

I would Sender
Receiver like some
chocolate.
Message
 Message Impact

Speaking 7%
Voice Inflection 38%
Body Language 45%
Reading/Writing 10%

NOTE: Over 80% of most peoples’ information comes from what

they see. Humans are very visual.
Tips on Dealing with Difficult People
I. Introduce yourself
II. If initiating contact, tell why
III. Be an active listener
IV. Empathize
V. Re-word and repeat
VI. Re-direct the conversation
VII. Focus on a solution
Tips on Dealing with Difficult People
VIII. Present options (make them part of the solution)
IX. Be honest
X. Remain professional, deflect
negative attacks/statements
XI. Speak softly
XII. Use “non-threatening” posture
XIII. Gather necessary information
XIV. Is this going to make it worse?”
 Useful Deflection Phrases:
• I would like to help you, but I need you
to . . .
• Let me make sure I understand what
you need . . .
• There are several options you can
consider . . .
• I don’t have the ability to do that, but
let me connect you with . . .
• I’m sorry that happened to you, but . . .
 In Your Workplace . . .

• SET LIMITS - If someone is acting

inappropriately, tell them their
conduct is not acceptable.
• If calm, work toward solution.
• Use resources as appropriate.
• If they are not calm or they persist, ask
them to leave.
• If they refuse, call police.
 On Physical Safety . . .

It is time to stop talking and start doing when:

• A physical attack is taking place

 On Physical Safety . . .

It is time to stop talking and start doing when:

• A physical attack is taking place

• You reach the point of excessive repetition

 On Physical Safety . . .

It is time to stop talking and start doing when:

• A physical attack is taking place

• You reach the point of excessive repetition

• You recognize significant threat assessment cues

 Threat Assessment Clues
- Verbalized threats, swearing, challenging;
- Subject clenches his/her fists;
- Subject’s face gets red (or sometimes pale);
- Subject’s teeth are clenched, lips are tight against
the teeth, or jaw is set;
- Subject starts to take deep breaths;
- Subject starts to turn into a bladed (fighter’s) stance;
- Subject keeps glancing at possible weapons or target
areas
 Threat Assessment Clues
- Subject starts to rock back and forth, shifts body
weight, or starts to stand on the balls of the feet;
- Subject stares past you (thousand-yard stare) or
ignores you;
- Subject makes direct, uninterrupted eye contact;
- Subject’s mood changes drastically in a brief time;
- Subject starts to close distance for no apparent
reason;
- Subject moves in exaggerated or aggressive manner;
- Subject tries to distract you.
 On Detecting Lies . . .

It is easy to lie with words, but

harder to lie with the body. If
the body language “says” something
different from the words, tend to
believe the body language.
 On the Personal Side

Before you start working:

•Assess your personal situation
•Know your triggers
•Remind yourself why you do what you
do in your job
•Make a commitment to be a
professional
•Anticipate difficult situations
©2000 – NMSU Police Department.
 On the Personal Side

At the end of the day:

•Assess your performance
•Acknowledge what you did well
•Identify what didn’t go as planned
•Identify ways to improve tomorrow
•Breath
•Leave it at work
•Have a means of healthy relaxation
©2000 – NMSU Police Department.
QUESTIONS
And
ANSWERS