Self-concept : Who Are You?

 Karen Horney defines SELF as a person’s central

inner force. Common to all human beings and
yet unique in each.

 SELF-CONCEPT – person’s subjective

description of who you think you are. It is filtered
through your own perceptions. Labels that you
consistently use to describe yourself to others.
 Cont…
Who you are is also reflected in the attitudes,
beliefs and values that you hold.

 Attitude
is a learned predisposition to respond
favorably or unfavorably to something.
Attitude reflect what you like and what you
don’t like.
 Cont…
 Beliefs
the way in which you structure your
understanding of reality – what is true and
what is false for you. Most of your beliefs are
based on previous experience.

 Values
permanent concepts of good and bad, right
and wrong. Our values are instilled in us by
our earliest interpersonal relationships ; for
almost all of us, our parents shape our values.
Are you aware of who you
are?
 Self-awareness is your knowledge of
yourself; the extent to which you know who
you are.
 Researchers have described three ways of
being self-aware (who you are and what are
you doing)
1. Subjective Self-Awareness
Is the ability that people have to differentiate
themselves from their environment. You are
a separate entity from all that is around you
2. Objective Self-Awareness
 Is the ability to be the object of our own
thoughts and attention. You have the ability
to think about your own thoughts as you are
thinking about them.

3. Symbolic Self-Awareness
 Uniquely humans ability to think about
oneself and use language (symbols) to
represent oneself to others.
4 stage model of how aware or unaware we are
of what we are doing at any given moment by
Abraham Maslow.

Stage 1 : Unconscious incompetence

You are unaware of your own incompetence.
You don’t know what you don’t know.

Stage 2 : Conscious incompetence

You become aware or conscious that you are
not competence: you know what you don’t
know.
Stage 3 : Conscious Competence
You are aware that you know something, but
applying it has not yet become a habit.

Stage 4 : Unconscious Competence

Your skills become second nature to you.

*These same four stages explain how you learn

any skill.
 One or Many Selves?
Each of us has a core set of behaviors, attitudes, beliefs and value.
But our concept can and does change, depending on
circumstances and influences.

The Material Self

“You are what you have”. The material self is a total of all the
tangible things you own. e.g. your look, cloths, car etc.
The Social Self
“ Who are you”. Concept of self as reflected in social interactions
with others. E.g. formal and informal interaction
The Spiritual Self
Consists of all your thoughts and introspections about your values
and moral standards. E.g. belief in God
How Your Self-Concept Develops
1. Interaction with individuals
Looking-glass self – concept that suggests you
learn who you are based on your interactions
with others, who reflect your self back to you.

BUT not every comment affects our sense of who we think we are. It depends
on three conditions.

i. We have heard the statement several times

ii. We perceive the individual is competent,
trustworthy and qualified to make a judgment
about us.
iii. The comments are consistent with other comments
and our own experience.
 Associations with Groups
the groups you associate with not only provide information
about your identity, but also provide needed social support.
E.g. religious, political, and professional groups

 Roles You Assume

Mother, manager, students etc imply certain expectations for
behavior and they are important in shaping self-concept.

 Self-Labels
The labels we use to describe our own attitudes, beliefs,
values and actions also play a role in shaping our self-concept.

Where do our labels come from?

we interpret what we experience; we are self-reflexive.
 Your Personality
Personality is a set of enduring internal
predispositions and behavioral characteristics
that describe how you react to your
environment.

Understanding the forces that shape your

personality is central to increasing your
awareness of your self-concept and how you
relate to others.
Self-Esteem : Your Self-
Worth
 Self-Esteem is your evaluation of your worth or
value based on your perception of such things
as your skills, ability, talents and appearance.
 People derive their sense of self-worth from
comparing themselves to others.

 Social Comparison helps people measure how

well they think they are doing compared to
others.
 How to Improve Your Self-Esteem
 Engage in Self-talk - Intrapersonal
communication

Realistic, positive self-talk can have a reassuring

effect on your level of self worth and on interactions
with others.

Repeating negative message about

your lack of skill and ability can keep you from
trying and achieving
 Visualize a Positive Image of Your-self
positive visualization can enhance self-esteem.

 Avoid Comparing Yourself with Others

Focus on the unique attributes that make you
who you are. Avoid judging your own values by
comparing yourself with others.

A healthy, positive self concept is fueled not by

judgments of others but by a genuine sense of
worth that you recognize in yourself.
 Reframe Appropriately
Reframing is the process redefining events and
experiences from a different point of view.
Reframing events that cause you to devalue
your self-worth can change your perspective.

 Develop Honest Relationships

Having at least one other person who can help
you objectively and honestly reflects on your
virtues and vices can be extremely beneficial in
fostering a healthy, positive self-image.
 Let Go of the Past
Things change, you change, others change.
Individual with low self-esteem may be locking
in to events that happened years ago and
refusing to let go of them.
 Seek Support
Social support – expression of empathy and
concern for others that is communicated
while listening to them and offering positive
and encouraging words.

Talk therapy – technique in which a person

describes his or her problems and concerns to
a skilled listeners in order to better
understand the emotions and issues that are
creating the problems.
 How Self-concept and Self-esteem
Affects Interpersonal Comm. and
Relationships
 Self and Others – being sensitive to the thoughts
and feelings of others.

 Self-Fulfilling Prophecy – what you believe about

yourself will come true because you expect it to
come true

 Self and Interpretation of Message – Feelings of

high or low self-esteem affect how you understand
and react to messages.
 Self and Communication Style – your self-
concept and self-esteem contribute to
habitual ways of responding to others.

Assertiveness – tendency to make requests,

ask information, pursue your own rights and
best interest.
Responsiveness – tendency to be sensitive to
the needs of other, being sympathetic to
others’ feelings.
 Self and Interpersonal Needs – 3 primary social
needs that affect the degree of communication
we have with others.

Inclusion – the need to be included and to include

others in social activities

Control – the need for some degree of influence in

our relationships as well as the need to be
controlled

Affection – need to give and receive love, support,

warmth and intimacy.
 WHAT IS SELF-DISCLOSURE

 Self-Disclosure – Purposefully providing

information about yourself to others that they
would not learn if you did not tell them.
SELF-DISCLOSURE: CONNECTING SELF TO
OTHERS THROUGH TALK

Understanding the Depth and Breadth of Self

Disclosure: The Social Penetration Model (SPM) of Self
Disclosure

 SPM – model of self-disclosure and relational

development that reflects both depth and breadth of
shared information.
Your self with various dimensions. Wedges
represent the breadth and the rings represent A limited relationship, one dimension of your
depth self has been disclose to other person

A B

C D

A relationship with greater breadth than B but A highly intimate, close relationship in which there has
with no intimacy been extensive breadth and depth of disclosure
 Understanding How We Learn About
Ourselves From Others :
The Johari Window Model of Self-
Disclosure

Known to Self Not Known to self

Known to Other
OPEN BLIND

HIDDEN UNKNOWN
Not known to Other
 A NEW RELATIONSHIP FOR SOMEONE WHO IS
VERY SELF-AWARE
Known to Self Not Known to self

Known to Other OPEN BLIND

Not known to Other

UN-
HIDDEN
KNOWN
 AN INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP
Known to Self Not Known to self

Known to Other OPEN BLIND

UN
Not known to Other HIDDEN
KNOWN
CHARACTERISTICS OF SELF-
DISCLOSURE (SD)
1. SD Usually Occurs in Small Increments
Appropriate SD should be well timed to suit the
occasion and the expectations of the individuals
Involved

*Communication Privacy Management theory

suggests that each of us has our own boundaries and rules for sharing
personal information – we manage our own degree of privacy
2. SD Moves from Less Personal to More
Personal Information

If we move to quickly to more intimate information

before we developed a history with someone, we
violate social norms or expectations our partner
may have.
 John Powell author of Why Am I Afraid to Tell
You Who I Am? Said that we reveal about
ourselves through these predictable levels.

Level 5 : Cliché communication

Establish verbal contact. Initiate a relationship
“hello”

Level 4 : Facts and biographical information

Reveal nonthreatening information about
ourselves – names, hometowns etc.
Level 3 : Attitudes and personal ideas
Begin talking more personal information –attitudes,
likes and dislikes

Level 2 : Personal feelings

Discuss topics that are exceedingly more personal.
Increase risk, it requires trust to share personal feelings.

Level 1 : Peak Communication

Or “gut level” – ultimate level that is seldom
reached. Share only with our most intimate friends.
Rarely reached because of the risk and trust involves in
being so open and revealing.
3. SD is Reciprocal
Dyadic effect : You disclose to me, I’ll disclose
to
you.

4. SD Involves Risks
- Once you disclose something to someone,
- that person can now share that info with
others.
- Also risk of rejection
5. SD Online is Different from Face to Face
Disclose
More confident communicating online than face to
face, less truthful in what they say about themselves.

6. SD Involves Trusts
To know something personal about someone is to
have power over that person. Using personal info
against others is a misuse of the trust that was placed
in you.
7. SD Overtime : Enhancing Intimacy
SD is often associated with relationship
development
Self-Disclosure

C knew each other as acquaintance before relationship

started to escalate

B get to know each other , interrupted, finally

becoming friends

A A long and intimate relationship

Length of Relationship
8. SD Reflects Perceptions About the Nature of
Your Relationships
SD provide important info about how each of you
perceives the nature, quality and intimacy of your
relationship.
*What someone else thinks is very intimate and personal info might not be
perceived by you as intimate and personal.

*Intimacy is in the mind of listeners. Each person determines whether the

info is actually intimate.
Self Disclosure Guidelines
When SD to others :
- Be other-oriented ; Think about how the info
you share will affect the other person
- Monitor the non-verbal responses when you
disclose to them
- Not to disclose too much info about yourself
too soon
- Decrease SD if you are sharing about yourself
and your partner is not.
- Its normal for the amount of SD decrease
overtime as a relationship matures.
When Listening to others’ SD:

- Keep confidences. Don’t reveal info about

other without permission.
- Provide appropriate social support when
others shares problems, stress etc.
- Don’t feel pressured to reveal personal info
just because another person do.
- Be supportive through your listening.
Class Exercise

 Write a short essay (250 words) that provide an

example from your own experiences that
illustrates the Johari Window Model of Self
Disclosure.