NORMS FOR JUST LOVE

Norms of Just Love/Sex

Sr. Margaret Farley RSM
Just Sex/Love
When is sexual expression
appropriate, morally good
and just in a relationship
of any kind, and thus
manifests God’s love and
promote God’s reign?
Before, justice and love were regarded as
belonging to two different realms

 LOVE – private  Justice – public

sphere; sphere of sphere; sphere of
the home, social relations;
interpersonal  We do not talk of
relations marital rape,
 In the home we do domestic violence
things because of in the public
love, not because it sphere.
is our right
 Feminist movement
slogan
◦ THE PERSONAL IS
POLITICAL!
◦ Underlines the link
between personal
experience and social
and political structures

◦ Things that concern

interpersonal relations
are also social issues
and must be discussed
in the public sphere.
 What does sexual expression mean?
 Sexual expression
◦ Does not only refer to sexual activities
◦ includes ways we communicate and present
ourselves to the world as embodied beings
◦ SEXUALITY=PANGANGATAWAN
 How you dress, walk, talk
 Interpersonal interaction- how you connect
physically or emotionally; how you relate
with others
Sexuality is the way we understand,
experience or express our body-selves and
how we relate to other body-selves.
 Norms for just sex/relations
◦ - are bottom-line [minimum]
requirements to ensure respect for
autonomy/freedom and relationality.

◦ Two features of personhood that oblige us

to treat people with respect:
 Autonomy (freedom) – possess capacity for
free choice.
 To treat another person as mere means
is to violate him/her insofar as a person
is free; it is to absorb her completely into
my agenda
◦ Relationality- as persons we are linked to
others; we have meaning and value for
others, for God and for ourselves.

◦ Norms require respect for the whole

person – body and spirit.
 Form 7 groups
 Study the norm assigned to you.
◦ Do no unjust harm
◦ Free Consent
◦ Equality of Power
◦ Mutuality
◦ Commitment
◦ Fruitfulness
◦ Social Justice

 Prepare a skit (one case) to demonstrate a violation of

this norm, and another case to show an affirmation of
this norm. Explain how your skit is related to the norm.
 Do no Unjust Harm
 Why the term “unjust”?
– There is a “harm”
that is necessary to
bring about a greater
good. E.g. amputation
(e.g. cutting off a limb
with gangrene) is a
harm which may bring
about greater good as
the survival of a
person
 Unjust harm
treats persons
not as ends in
themselves.

 Forms: physical,
psychological,
spiritual,
relational
◦ In the sexual sphere,
sexuality has to do with
vulnerability. Eros, the
desire for another,
makes one vulnerable…
capable of being
wounded.
◦ It can take the form of
failure to support, to
assist, to care for, to
honor in ways that are
required by the context
and relationship
 Sexual partners must
be concerned about
not harming third
parties – future
lovers, children who
may be born to one
of the lovers, their
lovers, their children.
 Responsibility for
the consequences
of their love and
sexual activity –
pregnancy and
children, violation
of the claims that
others may have
on each of them,
public health
concerns, etc.
 Free consent
 Respect for the right of
persons to determine
their own actions
 Seduction and

manipulation of persons
who have limited
capacity for choice
because of immaturity,
special dependency or
loss of ordinary power
are ruled out
 Rape,violence or
any harmful use
of power against
unwilling victims
is never justified.
 Deception and
betrayal
(violations of
truth telling and
promise keeping,
e.g in mail order
brides) hinders
the freedom of
choice of the
other person.
Equality of power
 Major inequalities in
social and economic
status, age and
maturity,
professional identity,
interpretations of
gender roles, and so
forth can render
relations
inappropriate and
unethical
 Equality
of power rules out treating
partner as object; dependency limits
freedom

 Equality
may not be perfect…must be
balanced enough for each to respect
each other as ends in themselves
Mutuality
 Mutuality of participation
should characterize
sexual activity
 Traditional view: male is

active and female is

passive
 Today: both male and

female capable of active

receptivity and receptive
activity
 Beyond this, mutuality also means mutual
empowerment. One may not start from a
position of equality (e.g. marriage between a
college degree holder and one who is not; a
rich and a poor person; etc.)but this
relationship, if it is mutually empowering,
should help the other improve his/her status
(e.g. get a college degree, etc.)
Emmanuel and Brigitte Macron
24 yrs age gap
Commitment
 Some form of covenant or at least
contract must characterize relations
that include a sexual dimension.

 Inthe past, this was largely identified

with heterosexual marriage=tied to
the need for a procreative order and
discipline of unruly sexual desire.
 Commitment as
norm
◦ Levels: commitment
not to harm one’s
partner,
commitment to free
consent, mutuality
and equality
◦ Commitment in
marriage
Fruitfulness
 Traditionally:if
there is sex, it
must be
procreative
(includes not
only giving
birth but also
childrearing)
 Beyond this
however,
fruitfulness
means opening to
the wider
community (e.g.
in terms of
mission, ministry,
etc.)
Social Justice
 Obligations in justice that the wider
community owes to those who choose
sexual relationships
 Relates not specifically to the justice

between sexual partners; rather, the

justice that everyone in a community
or society is obligated to affirm for its
members as sexual beings. (single,
married, gay, straight, bisexual, old,
young, able or challenged, etc.)
 Issues: gender equality
(lack can lead to
domination, sexual
violence, etc.)

 Racism can lead to

racial sexual
stereotypes

 Myths, religious
doctrines that
reinforce gender bias
and unjust constriction
of roles
Synthesis
 Framework for sexual ethics based on
norms of justice – norms are based from
the concrete reality of persons and
focused on respect for autonomy and
relationality
◦ Autonomy is respected thru a
requirement of free consent from sexual
partners with related requirements for
truthtelling, promise-keeping and
respect for privacy.
◦ Relationality is to be respected thru
the requirements of mutuality,
equality, commitment, fruitfulness
and social justice.
 Reflection:
◦ Recall significant friendships you’ve
had (recent or since childhood).
Which of them have withstood the
test of separation? Why do you think
the friendship lasted? (Which norms
of just love were practiced?)
◦ Why did the other friendships fade?
(which norms for just relations/love
were violated)
◦ What does fidelity/commitment
mean in the context of friendships?