ROSES ARE

RED, s o n a l
Pe r
VIOLETS
e l a t i o n s h i pARE
s o f
R
BLUE,d o l e s c e n t s
Part 1 - Interpersonal Attraction and Intimacy

A
 You have previously learned
what powers your mind can bring you,
the different parts of the brain, your
multiple intelligence, mental health
and well-being and your emotional
intelligence. You had discovered your
multiple intelligence, not only
intellectually but also emotionally.

What specific topic has given you big impact?

 Personal Relationships
Relationships are significant as they take part in your everyday life at home, in school,
community and even your friends and personal relationship. People in your social circle have
contributed to your growth as a person.

Teenage Relationships Attraction, Love and Becoming Responsible in

Commitment a Relationship
Ob j e ctives
• identify and discuss the basic types of relationships (teenage)
• define and differentiate the concepts of Attraction, Love, and Commitment;
• identify and discuss the acceptable and unacceptable expressions of attractions
among teenagers;
• express his/her ways of showing attraction, love, and commitment;
• make a Pledge of Commitment and Growth on how to manage relationship
as an adolescent
 Ignatian
Values
CONTEMPLATIVE IN ACTION
You certainly know what’s right from what is not. Re-
member that whatever good is done brings honor to you as a
person and your loved ones.

CURA PERSONALIS
It is truly loving and caring for your loved ones by being
gentle and valuing acceptable expressions of love.
Teena ge Relationship s
Are you in a relationship?
How do you describe being in a
relationship?
How do you define relationship?
Personal relationships involve the act of relating and allowing the person to connect with others. Family is
another aspect of our personal relationship. Your development as individuals is greatly affected and
influenced by it.
Since your childhood, you have been
relating with others. They can be your
parents, siblings, classmates, peers, and
neighbors. You have probably
established closer ties with them and
started labeling them as significant
people.
Adolescence is the stage when teenagers begin to form a sense of identity. This identity
formation involves shaping of personal values and setting of future goals and begin
exploring “Who am I?”
Te e n a ge Relationships
Th e fol l owi n g a re fo u r basic t ypes of rel at i onshi p s
t h a t t eena g e rs e n g a g e in. Can you name them?
 Pa re n ts and Family
Re l a t i onship
Teenagers go home to a family and relate w ith both parents,
siblings and other extended family member.

It has become an integral part of themselves everyday of their lives

except may be for those w ho may live far from home and so they
communicate from long distance.

T he level of closeness , support and open communication can

have positive impact on the quality of their romantic
relationship.
Pa re n ts and Family
Re l a t i onship
M o re o v e r, m o d e l in g o f p a re n t s o n h o w t o re s o l v e
c o n fl i c t w i l l a l so h a rm t h e m w i th t h e s k i l ls o f th e ir
re l a t i o n s h i p .
Fri e n ds and Peers
Re l a t i onship
O utside of family, teenagers also relate w ith friends and peers.

F or teenagers, having good friends can be their stronghold and

support prov iding them sense of belonging, value and security.

T hey can be source of information related to physical and

emotional changes during their stage of development.
Fri e n ds and Peers
Re l aatwiayonship
It is also to try and experiment on varied roles, values,
identities and ideas and gain experience on how to get along w ith
others particularly the opposite gender.

H ealthy friendships can be a strong foundation for the teenagers

journey tow ards adulthood.
Ro ma ntic Relationship
“ R omance is a pleasurable feeling based on attraction
tow ards another person”.

What is being highlighted in romantic relationship is

that, it is a p art of the major developmental
milestone. T hey can go w ith other changes going on
such physical, social, emotional aspect of your
person .

T he comfort and love communicated (or its opposite)

w ill have an impact to how the y relate later in life.
Ro ma ntic Relationship
T here is no definite age as to w hen adolescents begin relating,
how ever, even the w omb of a mother can be a venue and foundation
for the type of relating w hen a baby is born.
Ca su al Relationship
T his is a type of relationship w herein adolescents may
engage in but w ithout the real and defined sense of
seriousness and commitment.

C an generally be a relationship w ith mutual feelings

but has no exact label or status.

C asual may mean non-committal. D epth and intensity are

not part of it.
Ca su a l Relationship
L ong distance relationships as such in an online set-up that has
no commitment, goals, and seriousness may lead to become a
stressor among adolescents w hen the relationship is not
communicated properly.

For adolescen ts, this is a “passing” experience and may not have
a strong reason to look back to.

In fact, at times, this relates w ith casual sexual activity that may
adolescents engage in.
Teena ge Relationship s
U nderstanding the teenage relationship allow s one to
see how love and support are very important to continuously
develop a healthy relationship. A love that is w ell-expressed
and communicated is very essential.

A ccording to E rik E rikson, if a satisfying

relationship w ill not be established, an adolescent upon
grow ing may feel aloof, dependent, needy, may be self-
absorbed and w ill not need others, and may create a sense
of isolation and feel deep loneliness, R amos (2016).
Are you in a relationship?
Attraction, Love and
Commitment
Attraction, Love and
Commitment

Which among the words above are you

most familiar with?

What do you know about it?

As you a re in the pro c e s s o f re fining your s e ns e of ide ntity, you de ve lop
s oc ia l s kills a nd inte ra c t w ith the oppos ite -s e x in group c onte xts tha t
ma y e ve ntua lly le a d to ATTR A C TIO N , de v e lopm e nt of thoughts on
R OM A NTIC R ELATIO N SH IPS , D ATIN G , a nd be ing C O M M ITTED in a
rom a ntic re la tions hip.
Attraction
R efers to the “act, process or pow er of attracting, and evoking
interest, pleasure or liking for someone” (Merriam-Webster)

Weiten (2014), cites, R amos (2016), defined interpersonal

attraction as having positive feelings tow ards tow ard someone.
It covers, many experiences such as liking, admiration,
friendship, desire (lust) and love tow ard another person.

D uring adolescence, attraction is strong among friends w hen

they have common interests and desires.
Attraction
When you are attracted by something or someone,
your interest is heightened like that of a magnet.

A ttraction is like an invisible force that brings you

closer to w hat cause you to be interested.

You ask, “W hat is in it” or “What is in the person”

that draw s you closer to him/her.
 FACTORS OF
Physical attractiveness
ATTRACTION
T his attraction is based on physical appearance. People
usually prefer w hom they consider physically attractive
and may influence the course of relationship.

Proximity
People tend to be attracted to people w ho are
geographically to them. The attraction often
comes from how familiar they are w ith each
other based on how frequent they encounter.
 FACTORS OF
Similarity
ATTRACTION
Similarities ten to pull people to form a bond. People
tend to pick partners w ho are similar to them. Social
psychologists w ould call it attitude alignment.

R eciprocity
People tend to like others w ho reciprocate their
liking. T his positive feedback en- hances good
feeling. L ove begets love.
 STAGES OF
ATTRACTION

C rush Courtshi
p
 STAGES O F
AT TRA CT I ON
Crush A n adolesence that is attracted to another person may be labeled as a
crush. T here are tw o types of crush.

Identity C rush
It is simply emulating the observed admirable
qualities of the person.

R omantic C rush
T his means having intense infatuation for someone or a desire to
be w ith the person and to experience e scalating thrill and
“magic” of the moment how ever short-lived it may be.
 STAGES O F
AT TRA CT I ON
Crush A n adolesence that is attracted to another person may be labeled as a
crush. A nother form of crush is:

H ero w orship
another form of attraction, similar to a “celebrity
crush” and is characterized by admi- ration w ith
the absence of personal contact.
 STAGES O F
AT TRA CT I ON
It is a phase of attraction prior to engagement and marriage

Courtsh w hich involves “getting to know each other” and serves as a

basis for people on w hether or not they w ill continue their
relationship and upgrade to a higher level. There are four
stages of courtship. C an you identify them?

ip
 STAGES O F
AT TRA
First Stage—D ating CT I ON
T his stage involves getting to know the person;
spending a fun friendly association w ith him or
her.
Second Stage—Selective
T his is the decision stage on w hether or not
Stages of he/she/they may continue seeing each other.

C ourtship T hird Stage—G oing Stready

In this stage tw o individuals officially decide to deepen
their relationship by leveling up their commitment
through higher exclusivity.
Fourth Stage—E ngagement
T he couples in this stage are now ready for
marriage. T he couple officially announces that they
are engaged to be married.
 STAGES OF
ATTRACTION

Crush Courtsh
ip
Is crush the same with falling in love?
Love

Love c a nnot be fully graspe d by a ny single de finition.

 Love
B iblical D efinition
L ove is defined in the biblical perspective that it is selfless and all giving.
It is the perfect kind of love. It is an ideal standard to strive for in a
relationship. T his is the first letter of St. Paul to the C orinthians (13:4-8).

Lo v e i s p at i ent , l ove i s ki n d. I t d o es n o t en v y, i t d o es n o t b o as t , i t i s n o t p r o u d . I t d o es n o t
d i s h o n - o r o t hers , i t i s n ot s el f - s eek i n g , i t i s n o t eas i l y an - g er ed , i t k eep s n o r eco r d o f
wr o n g s . Love do es n ot del i g h t i n ev i l b u t r ej o i ces wi t h t h e t r u t h . I t al way s p r o t ect s , al way s
t r u s t s , al ways hop es, al ways p er- s ev er es . Lo v e n ev er f ai l s . Bu t wh er e t h er e ar e p r o p h eci es ,
t h ey wi l l cease; where t her e ar e t o n g u es , t h ey wi l l b e s t i l l ed ; wh er e t h er e i s k n o wl ed g e, i t
wi l l p as s away.
Love
Scientific Definition
Love is defined as a powerful drive that excites the brain and sets a neurological
condition, such as neurotransmitters release different chemicals in the body . The body
manifests signs initially when in love such as blushing, sw eating and fast heartbeat and
it changes w hen going through different

Stage 1: L ust Stage 2: A ttraction Stage 3: A ttachment

T his is driven by sex T he individual feels so When the attraction has subsided
hormones highly love-struck due to and a deeper relationship has
the body chemicals that developed that can potentially lead
make one temporarily go to a more serious commitment,
exhilarated. distinct hormones play an
important role especially w hen
building family or raising children.
Love
Philosophical Definition
Ancient G reek philosophers pondered on love on different thoughts
and different ways.

“ L ove is composed of a single soul inhabiting tw o bodies.” - A risotle

“ A t the touch of love, everyone becomes a poet. ” - Plato

T he four different kinds of love according to G reeks.

A gape—love of G od for man
Philia—brotherly love, friendship
Storge—love for family and close companions
E ros—romantic love
Love
Psychological Perspectives

T hree C omponents of L ove

T he three components of love by psychologist Z ick R ubin include

attachment, caring and intimacy.

T he Triangular Theory of L ove

T he triangular theory of love by proponent and expert R obert

Sternberg identifies three major dimensions that include intimacy,
commitment and passion. T hese three dimensions of love w hen
combined form different types of love.
Love
Psychological Perspectives

Three Components of Love

The three components of love by psychologist Zick Rubin include attachment, caring
and intimacy.

A ttachment
It refers to the desire for the presence of the other
person including emotional support.
C aring
It refers to the concern of the other person’s w ell-
being.
Intimacy
It is the desire for privacy, closeness and
communication.
Love
Psychological Perspectives
T he Triangular Theory of L ove
T he triangular theory of love by proponent and expert R obert Sternberg identifies three
major dimensions that include intimacy, commitment and passion.

Intimacy
liking, closeness, connectedness, bonding
Passion
romance, physical attraction, sexual
consummation
C ommitment
shared investments, experiences, adjustments
8 types of Love
N on-L ove
A bsence of all 3 components. Simply characterized by causal interactions.

L iking
Includes feelings of closeness, bondedness, w armth tow ards each other w ithout
feelings of intense passion and long-term commitment (true friends, best friends
forever).

Infatuated love
T here is passionate arousal but absence of intimacy and commitment. When
there is absence of development in intimacy and commitment, this kind of love
w ill disappear (love at first sight).
8 types of Love
E mpty love
T here is presence of commitment w ith no intimacy or passion. e. g. fixed marriages

R omantic L ove
It is characterized by both physical bond and emotional bond in the absence of
commitment.

C ompanion ate L ove

It is characterized by intimate, non-passionate love w ith a long term commitment
(family love).
8 types of Love
F atuous L ove
Passion is present w hich resulted to commitment but w ithout intimate
involvement (jumping to marriage right aw ay).

C onsummate L ove
It is the ideal and complete form of love that everyone w ants to achieve. T his
involves sharing a deep desire to have a long term relationship w ith each
other than anyone else. H ow ever, this type of love is more difficult to
maintain than to achieve.
Love is...
Love ought to show itself
in deeds more than in
words.
St. Ignatius of Loyola
Commitment

Being committed in a relationship is to make a PROMISE, pledge, and a decision to stay

together despite the twists and turns encountered in a relationship.
Commitment
Commitment is a word taken seriously. Someone who is in a state of
love and or for the one being responsible about anything takes the
commitment.

It is being tested across time by many relationships when disagreements

happen or arguments occur. It is during this time that one should
remember about their vows, promises and other guarantees.
Commitment
According to H. Wallace Goddard, there are three (3) dimensions of commitment in
intimate relationships.

COMMITMENT AS AN ATTRACTION OR THE “WANT TO” ASPECT

COMMITMENT AS A MORAL OBLIGATION OR THE “OUGHT TO” ASPECT

COMMITMENT AS A CONSTRAINT OR THE “HAVE TO'’ ASPECT

Commitment
According to H. Wallace Goddard, there are three (3) dimensions of commitment in
intimate relationships.

COMMITMENT AS AN ATTRACTION OR THE “WANT TO” ASPECT

The relationship makes the person happy and satisfied. A person becomes
committed to someone because of what he or she gets from the
relationship.
Commitment
According to H. Wallace Goddard, there are three (3) dimensions of commitment in
intimate relationships.

COMMITMENT AS A MORAL OBLIGATION OR THE “OUGHT TO” ASPECT

The person believes that it is an oath or duty to stay in a relationship even if it
is no longer satisfying. For instance, in most religious organizations, divorce
or separation is discouraged.
Commitment
According to H. Wallace Goddard, there are three (3) dimensions of commitment in
intimate relationships.

COMMITMENT AS A CONSTRAINT OR THE “HAVE TO'’ ASPECT

The risks and consequences hinder people in getting out of the
relationship. Consideration may include finances, children’s welfare,
and reputation or character.
“If we commit ourselves to one person for life, this is not, as many people
think, a rejection of freedom; rather, it demands the courage to move into
all the risks of freedom, and the risk of love which is permanent; into that
love which is not possession but participation.”
― Madeleine L'Engle
Is it possible to continue a relationship without
commitment?
Becoming Responsible in a
Relationship
 Adolescents nowadays have their ways of expressing attraction, love and
commitment. It may be hard to judge what is acceptable or not. Unac- ceptable
behavior among adolescents may be looked into from the varied perspective
such as religion and societal norms.
 7 Qualities of a Healthy
Mutual Respect Relationship

Trust

Honesty

Support

Fairness/Equality

Separate Identities

Good communication
Acceptable Expressions
Glancing at each other
Verbal communication
Saying “I like you” or “I love you”
Smiling
Write love letters
Phone calls or chatting
Giving presents
Expressing attraction on social
media but with limitation and respectful Walking arm in arm or holding hands
Kiss on the cheeks but with permission
Dating with limitations
Recognizing differences
Caring
Sharing
Respect
Freedom
Unacceptable Expressions
Kissing or cuddling in public
Flirting
Invading personal space
Holding hands with no permission
Kissing with no permission
Calling the person with endearments without permission
Intimate activities
Caressing or stroking Jealousy
Violence
Being selfish
Possessiveness
Threats or blackmail
Manipulation
Intimidation
Touching
Proving yourself
Compromise
 Becoming Responsible in a
Relationship
Being in a relationship takes responsibility. The following are some of the suggested ways on
how to become responsible in a relationship:
To avoid regrets from heartaches that you may encounter, you
should make sure that you are ready before you enter in a relationship.

Make sure you are at least emotionally mature to face obstacles

accompanied by being involved in a relationship.

Weigh down the possible risks and consequences before doing

anything.

Avoid being shy in approaching mature individuals, especially

your parents in asking things regarding relationships.
Teenage relationship entails both acceptable and challenging expressions of attraction.
The concepts of attraction, love, and commitment may equip you as you go deeper into
relating with your personal relationships (like family and peers and romantic
relationships).

But first, commit to yourself that you are ready to handle responsibilities of a
relationship. And while in progress, nurture friendships.
How do you promote a healthy, acceptable and loving teenage relationship to
adolescents like you?
 ROSES ARE
RED, s o n a l
Pe r
VIOLETS
e l a t i o n s h i pARE
s o f
R
BLUE,d o l e s c e n t s
Part 2 -The Social Self and Social Beliefs and Judgments

A
 Interpersonal Attraction and
Intimacy
Personal Relationships and Becoming Responsible

Liking and Attraction Love and Commitment

 The Social Self

Perceived Self-Control
Self-serving Bias

Self-Knowledge
Self-presentation
 The Social Self

Describe your actual self Describe your ideal self

The Self Concept has two elements. They motivate
you to achieve life you want or avoid the
life you dread.

Self schemas - how you define yourself

Possible self - who you might become

Development of the Social Self

How do we know this the life that you are

dreaming of?

What determines self-concept?

Development of the Social Self
Roles -may constitute genetic influence and social
experiences

Social Comparison - is influenced by your social self

Self-Concept - is determined by how people think of us

"bugoy" = "bugoy"
"buotan" = "buotan"

Labels can be incorporated in their self-concept and behavior

Development of the Social Self

The Independent Self - is the formation of one's identity

as a unique individual, and is defined during adolescents as a time
for self-reliance and separation from parents

The Interdependent Self - is the formation of one's identity in

relation to others, whether it's family friends or colleagues
Self-Knowledge

How well do you know yourself?

Why did your choose that strand for SHS?

Is it a personal choice? Or are you being

influenced?
Self-Knowledge

Self-Esteem- is the overall sense of self-worth that we use to

evaluate traits or abilities.

High Self-Esteem- seeing yourself as good and enough and a

potential; it is beneficial but it becomes a problem when it crosses
to narcissism (inflated sense of self)

Low Self-Esteem - less satisfied, can be vulnerable to anxiety and

loneliness
Self-Knowledge

Social Rejection- motivates us to meet others' expectations,

therefore maintaining or increasing our self-esteem

'If you feel rejected, you subsequently feel inadequate."

This feeling of rejection can motivate you to act by improving

yourself or searching for acceptance with someone else.
Perceived Self-Control
Self-Efficacy - defined by Albert Bandura, as how competent and
how effective we feel doing a task.

Self Efficacy vs Self-Esteem

if you believe, you can if you just like yourself..
do something
You're really talented!
You worked very hard!
Perceived Self-Control
Locus of Control - is the extent to which people perceive control.

Internal Locus of Control - refers to the belief that you are in

control of your own destiny

External Locus of Control - refers to the feeling that outside forces

determine your fate
Perceived Self-Control
Learned Helplessness - occurs when multiple attempts to improve a
situation have no effect and there is a subsequent sense of
resignation

Self-determination - is developed when you are successfully able

to practice personal control and improve your situation
Self-serving Bias
Self-Serving Bias - or the tendency to see yourself in a favorable
light; when we compare ourselves with others

Self-serving attributions - a form of self-serving bias, in such a

way, when you did not reach your expected goal, you may find it
"unfair" caused by the other person/situation

Defensive Pesimism - or anticipating problems and lowering

expectations to prepare for the worst, can help us avoid unrealistic
optimism
Self-presentation
Self-presentation - refers to our desire to present a favorable image
to other people (external) and ourselves (internal)

Self-handicapping - is a phenomenon wherein you protect your

self-esteem with behavior that will conveniently excuse failure

"We adjust our words and actions to create an impression that

will suit our audiences"
 Social Beliefs and Judgments
Priming Prejudice

Aggression
Attributions

Helping
Social Beliefs and Judgments
How we perceive information and how we process it, guided by our
conceptions.

Preconceptions are powerful for they influence our attitudes, our

perceptions of others, others' perception of ourselves.
Priming can consciously affect how people think as well as
how they would act

What do this picture make you

think of at the moment?
Priming
Belief Perseverance - how we interpret everything is a result of our
beliefs; people persist despite contrary evidence

Schemas - are used together with emotional reactions, expertise,

and unconscious thinking how we judge the world and how we
decide from those judgments; how it all happens is partly
controlled and partly automatic.
Priming

"Don't promise when you're happy, Don't reply when you're,

angry, and don't decide when you're sad."
Attributions

We endlessly ask ourselves why things happen they way they do,
especially when they are unexpected or negative.

"If someone smiles at you, would you think that they are just
being friendly or would you rather think that they like you too?"
Kelly's Theory of Attribution
Attributions
Prejudice
Prejudice - is preconceived negative attitude (combination of
feelings, beliefs, and behavior) towards a group and its individual
members.

Stereotypes - are beliefs about another group that may be

accurate, inaccurate, or overgeneralized.

"Asians are good in Math."

Prejudice
Discrimination - is unjustified, negative behavior towards a group
or its members, and often rooted in prejudicial behavior.

Racism and sexism are institutional discriminatory behavior, but

there may be instances that they aren't intentionally prejudiced.
Prejudice
Prejudice exists in explicit (conscious) and implicit (automatic)
forms.

People may retain from childhood fear or dislike of a group of

people, but this may change as we form new habits through
practice.
Prejudice
Prejudice comes in forms including:

Race Sexual Orientation Immigrant Status

Religion Gender Identity

Obesity Age
Prejudice
Just-World Phenomenon - is the tendency to
believe that the world is just and the people
get what they deserve.

Research suggests that this explains why

people are indifferent to social injustice not
because they aren't concerned, but because
they don't see any injustice.
Aggression
is physical or verbal behavior that is intended to cause harm.

Manifested in two ways:

Hostile Aggression which springs from anger with the goal to

injure, and Instrumental Aggression, which is also meant to injure
but as a means to achieve an end
Aggression
These are factors that influence aggression:

1.Aversive Incidents
2.Arousal
3.Aggression Cues
4.Pornography and Sexual Violence
5.Television and the Internet
6. Video Games
7. Group Influence
Aggression
Catharsis Hypothesis - says that aggression
is reduced when one releases aggressive
energy by acting aggressively or
fantasizing aggression. More hostile in
nature.
Aggression
Aggression can be controlled by countering factors that that
influence or provoke it.
Helping
Are you helpful?

What motivated you to help people?

Do you expect something in return or

would you rather have it paid forward?
Helping
Social Exchange Theory - It assumes that the act of helping is
motivated by a desire to maximize rewards.

External Rewards - anything that help you boost your self-

worth

Internal Rewards - your own personal trait or emotional state

such as guilt and the like
Helping
Reciprocity Norm- The expectation to help those who have
helped us.

When people are unable to help back, they may feel demeaned
by accepting help.
Helping
Social-responsibility norm - An expectation to help others, even
if they can't reciprocate, such as those victims of circumstance

If we feel that their situation is brought

about by their own choices, we often say it's
the person's fault so we do not feel
compelled to help.
Helping
Three types of helping according to Evolutionary Psychology:

Selection Kin - predisposes us to care for our close relatives

Reciprocity - helping with the expectation of eventually getting

help in return

Group Selection - when groups are in competition, groups that

mutually support each other outlast groups that don't
Helping
Bystander Effect - states that a person
is less likely to help when there are
other bystanders

but... we are also more helpful

towards people similar to us, or when
we have time.
How does one's self influence your
relationships?
 In this lesson, you have learned about you as a
social self, how your beliefs and judgments shape
you, as well as how you become attracted to
people.