Business Writing

Unit One
 .
Learning objectives

This unit introduces and practises the skills

• . to deal with the writing tasks . After learning this
required
unit, you will be able to:

1. Lay out a business letter or memo

2. Master some “ golden rules” for writing letters and memos
3. Write routine letters, emails, faxes and memos
 Forms of Written Communication
 Memo
 Fax
 Email
 Letter
 minutes
 report
 1. Business Memo

.
.
 The business
memorandum is
essentially an internal
business letter. The
“memo” as it is usually
called, is the key
internal communication
tool in most business
and institutions.
 .
1.1 Introduction about business memo
internal communication

 Use memos rather than letters when you are communicating within your
organization,

 Memos are used to: announce, inform, advise, quantify, delegate, direct,
discipline, instruct, request and transmit.
 1.2 Layout of Memo

.  Heading Segment
 Body
 Closing
 Heading Segment
.
.
①Begin
• . the memo with a heading segment, following this format:
MEMORANDUM

TO: (readers' names and job titles)

FROM: (your name and job title)
DATE:
SUBJECT: (specifically what the memo is about)

address the reader by her or his correct name and job title.

Use a job title after your name, and hand write your initials by your name.

Be specific and concise in your subject

② Body Segment
.
 Begin your memo by stating the problem-what led to the need for the memo.

 After stating the problem, indicate the purpose clearly

 .
.
• .
③ Closing Segment

 Close with a courteous ending that states what action you want your reader to
take.

 Signature Block Rather than a full signature, most memos will include the
initials of the writer.
 .
.
• .
1.3 Keep these formatting ideas in mind:

 Headings help the reader skim for sections of the document.

 Numbered and bulleted lists make information easy to scan.

 Font sizes, underlining, bolding, and italicizing make headings and important
information stand out.
• . .
.
1.4 Golden Rules

 Get Personal. Use words like I, you, and we.

 Be conversational.

 Don't show off. Avoid scholarly words, technical jargon, and just plain words

 Be sincere.

 Keep paragraphs short. Limit each paragraph to five lines or less. Put each reason
in a separate paragraph rather than bunching them up .

 Close with a call to action.

 Memo
• Use good sentence structure and clear, concise communication . Extensive data or
. information should be displayed in appendices or attachments.

 Most memos specify exactly who should receive the information and are narrow, specific and
to the point. In most cases, memos are concerned with one subject: the issue described in the
subject line.

 The writing style of a business memo is less formal than a letter.

 Memos are most effective when they connect the purpose of the writer with the interests and
needs of the reader. When planning your memo, be sure to think about it from your reader's
perspective: :
① How is this relevant to me?
② What, specifically, do you want me to do?
③ What's in it for me?

 Use a short thank you to finish the memo. This need not be as formal as in a written letter.
. sample memo 1
• .
TO: All Departmental Managers
FROM:. T.C. HR Manager
DATE: 8/09/2022
SUBJECT: Meeting for Departmental Managers

Starting from 1 January 2023, we will institute our new policy of capping salary increase at 10%
for all employees. This is due to the economic downturn in our industry as a result of Covid 19 and
our need to curtail expenses in an effort to avoid further layoffs.

To help you prepare to answer any questions member of your department may have. I've called a
meeting which you all must attend.

 Date: Sep.27
 Time: 10:30am
 Place: Conference Room 200

If you have any questions, please give me a call.

 .
sample memo 2
•To confirm
. our discussion, the downturn in the market as a result of Covid 19 is forcing us to
close our branch in Hangzhou. As a consequence, many positions such as yours are being
eliminated as of September 29. Here's what we're doing to help ease this burden:

 You will receive severance pay equal to three month’s salary.

 The company will pay your medical insurance for the remainder of the year 2022.

We wish you the best of luck in finding suitable employment. Please feel free to use me as a
reference.

Best wishes
 Case 1
• To: All mumber of staff, Northern Branch
• From: ALP
• Date: 2 August 2022
• As you know, one of the reasons for the introduction of laptops in Northern Branch was to
provide us with feedback before we decide whether to provide laptops for staff in other
departments. The Board has asked me to submit a report on your experiences by the end of this
week. I talked to some of you informally about this last month. During my brief visit I noticed a
group of people in the canteen playing some kind of computer game and I heard from a senior
manager that he only used his for writing letters. So that I can compile a full report. I would like
everyone to let me know what they personally use their laptop for, what software they use and
how long per day they spend actually using it. It would also be useful to find out how their laptop
has not come up to expectations, and any unexpected uses they have found for their laptop, so
that others can benefit from your experience.

Please identify the problems of this memo.

 .
Components of Email
.
• .
• Starting with the email’s subject line. Use the subject line to inform the receiver of EXACTLY what the
email is about. the subject line should offer a short summary of the email and allows for just a few
words. Replace vague lines (“Information on XYZ Project,” or “Status Report Q1”) with better “hooks”:
“Need your input on Tralfamadore Project,” or “Analysis of recent problems with the new
Veeblefetzer.”

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• Use a salutation or greeting.

• The body of the email should contain all pertinent information and should be direct and informative.

• Make sure to include any call to action you desire, such as a phone call or follow-up appointment.
Then, make sure you include your contact information, including your name, title, phone and fax
numbers, as well as snail-mail address. If you have additional email addresses, you may want to
include these, as well.
 Rules of writing Email
• .
 Emails should be clear and concise. Sentences should be kept short and to the point.

 DON’T TYPE IN ALL CAPS! Remember, if you emphasize everything, you will have
emphasized nothing.

 Don’t type in all lower case.

 Use punctuation and capitalization as you would in a business report or

memorandum.

 Use bullets to convey lists of items or information; do not use numbers, unless there
is a need for sequence.

Use bold, italics and white space to make important information bits stand out, within
the email, such as times, locations, dimensions or specifications.
 .
Sample Email
.
Dear Tao Ran,

Thank you for your email.

Further to our telephone conversation, we would need to see originals of these

documents, or certified photocopies. You would also need to meet the English
requirement or complete the professional course.

I hope this is helpful to you.

Kind Regards

Victoria Harold
Admissions Officer
MBA, DBA, MSc Human Resource Mgt, GradDip Business Administration, PhD
Business School
University of Birmingham
0121 414 7909
 .
Sample Email 2
Dear Winson,
• .
My sincere apologies for the error that was made in the dispatch of
your study materials. The correct textbook has been sent to you
today via DHL and should arrive within the next week. I hope this is
of assistance. Good luck with your studies.

Thank you.

Leeanne Carrick
Dispatch/Assignments Coordinator
Division of Learning and Teaching Services
Charles Sturt University
Boorooma Street
Wagga Wagga NSW 2678
Ph: 02 6933 2432
Fax: 02 6933 2797
lcarrick@csu.edu.au
www.csu.edu.au
.
Sample email 3
• .
Dear Mr. Wong,

We are really sorry for the wrong delivery of 200 dozens of men’s socks. The right goods
have been sent to you today and they will arrive within this week.

For the 200 dozens of women’s socks, please send us before 3rd October. We’ll be
responsible for the freight.

In order to compensate for your loss, we’ll give you a special 2 % discount against your
next order.

We sincerely apologize for the inconvenience caused . We can ensure you that this will
never happen again.

Best regards

>>>>
 .
Business Letters
• .

Business letters are formal paper

communications between, to or from
businesses and usually sent through the
Post Office or sometimes by courier.
Business letters are sometimes called
“snail-mail”
 4.1 Who writes Business
. Letters ?
. • .
Letters are written from a person/group, known as the sender to a person/group, known
in business as the recipient. Here are some examples of senders and recipients:

 business «» business
 business «» consumer
 job applicant «» company
 citizen «» government official
 employer «» employee
 staff member «» staff member
 .
Business Letters
Letters
• letters
 . are often used to communicate to individuals outside the business,
especially in formal and semiformal contexts.

 Letters are an essential part of all business and technical communication because
they are more formal and reliable than electronic mail and more precise and
permanent than telephone or face-to-face conversations.
 COMMON TYPES OF BUSINESS LETTERS
.
•
• .
Acknowledgement letter = This letter is meant to thank the reader for something they did for
you in the office.

Adjustment Letter = This letter should be used in response to a written complaint against
someone or something. The purpose of it is to inform the reader that actions are being taken
against the wrong doing.

 Complaint Letter = this letter is just to let the reader know that an error as been found and
needs to be corrected as soon as possible.

Inquiry Letter = An inquiry letter is written as a request for a certain something or in response
to a request made by someone.

Order Letter = they are used to order material that is running low and will be needed soon.
This type of letter is commonly known as a PO (purchase order).

 Response Letter = It is a letter written in response to another letter received by someone.

4.2 Format of a Letter

• Three letter styles are: the block style, the modified block style, the
semi-block style. the block style is frequently used in business letters.

Modified Full Block Semi-block

 .
How to format a letter
• .
Full Block

Business letters are commonly either full-block

formatted, with every line starting at the left
margin and usually a business letterhead at the
top of the page, or modified-block formatted,
with the heading and the closing aligned at the
center of the page.
Modified-block
 Semi-block
Paragraphs are indented, not left-justified
Full Block
4.3 Business Letters & Personal Letters

 A business letter is more  Personal letters, also known

formal than a personal letter. It as friendly letters, and social
should have a margin of at notes normally have five parts.
least one inch on all four 1) The Heading
edges.
2) The Greeting
 There are six parts to a 3) The Body
business letter :
4) The Complimentary Close
1) The Heading
5) The Signature Line
2) The Inside Address
3) The Greeting
4) The Body
5) The Complimentary Close
6) The Signature Line
4.4 Essential Components of business Letter

1. The Heading
2. The Inside Name and Address
3. The Salutation
4. The Body
5. The Complementary Closing
6. The Signature
 .
The Heading
..
This is an indispensable part of the letter and it aims to give some information
about the writer. This contains the sender’s address (usually two or three lines) with
the date.
 Some notes:
(1) Usually centered at the top, or name of the firm in the middle of the top;
(2) If printing on blank paper, remember to print on the right corner;
(3) The date line is 2-6 spaces after the letterhead. It should always be typed in
full and figures should not be used for months.

 The normal order of elements in the date line are month, day, and year, e.g.,
July 15, 2018.
15 July 2018.
In either case, abbreviations are not used.
 The Inside Address. .

• This is the address you are sending your letter to. Make it as
complete as possible. Include titles and names if you know them. Skip
a line after the heading before the inside address. Skip another line
after the inside address before the greeting.

(1) Usually occupying 3-4 lines;

(2) Kept flush with the left margins;
(3) 2-4 lines below the date line;
(4)The title can follow the name in the first line or in the 2nd line

• Mr. James Bachar

• Purchasing manager
• 227 Boton Avenue
• New York 98986
• USA
 The Greeting
.
Also called the salutation. The greeting in a business letter is always formal. It
• . begins with the word "Dear" and always includes the person's last
normally
name.
 2-3 typing spaces below the last line of the inside name and address;
 Kept flush with the left margin;
 Agreeing with the inside name;
 Followed by a comma or a colon;
 Some other points which require attention:

 When the addressee's name is unknown, several options are available:

Ladies and Gentlemen: (or the reverse) Ladies: (all women)

Dear Sir or Madam: (or the reverse) Gentlemen: (all men)

To Whom it May Concern:

 Sexist salutations, e.g., Dear Sirs, Gentlemen, etc., are not used.
 The Body.
.
• .
 The body is written as text. A business letter is never hand written.
 Two lines below the salutation;
 The text is single or double spaced, depending on letter length.
 A blank line appears between paragraphs.

 On each continuation page, the name of the addressee, the page number and the
date should be typed in either of the ways specified below;
(1) Mr. Wilson 2 May 20, 2018

(2) Mr. Wilson

page 2
May 20, 2018
 .
The Complimentary Close
 A double space below the body of the letter;
• It .can align with the date line or conform to the style of the letter;
 This short, polite closing ends with a comma.

(1) Yours faithfully etc (when you do not know the receiver’s name)
(2) Yours sincerely etc (when you know the receiver’s name)
(3) Best regards /Kindest regards/Kind regards

 There are some differences between British and American English in this area, and these are shown below
British English
Opening Closing
Dear Sir/Madam Yours faithfully
Dear Mr Gates Yours sincerely

American English
Dear Sir/madam Sincerely yours
 Respectfully yours
Dear Mr Gates Yours sincerely
 Sincerely yours
 The Signature Line. .
.
 Skip at least two lines after the complimentary close;
• It .is usually followed by a typewritten name;
 No courtesy titles should be put before a man’s name except his academic degree or
social title (Professor, Doctor etc). If professional ratings should be given, they are
usually typed after the typewritten name.
 Examples are
 John Doe,
 John Doe, Manager

 P. Smith
 P. Smith
Director, Technical Support

 R. T. Jones
 R. T. Jones - Sr. Field Engineer

 Professor John Magee

 4.5 The optional parts of a business letter

 The reference line

 The attention line
 The subject heading
 The enclosure notation
 The C.C. line
 The identification initials
 The N. B. and the P. S.
 .
Reference Line
 Appear immediately below or two lines below the date line, depending upon
• ,company preference.
 Usually aligned with the date or are flush with the left margin.
 They can begin with RE or References.
 the purpose of which is for convenient reply, filing and classification.
 It may include a file number, departmental code or the initials of the signer or the
typist.
 In documents of multiple pages, reference lines may appear under the date in the
heading of all pages.
 For example:
 Your ref: CNN/002
 Our ref:008/CK
 .
Attention Line
• .
 Placed between the inside address and the salutation;
 With a single space above and below.
 Attention: Mar.keting Department
 Attention of Mr. Henry Ronair
 For the attention of Mr. Henry Ronair
 Attention Sales manager
 ATTN: Mr. Hentry Ronair
 Subject Line
.
• .
 Between the salutation and the body of the letter;

 They appear two lines below the salutation and two lines above the first line of the
text, although the simplified letter format may have different spacing.

 Subject lines are highlighted by boldface type, underlining, or the use of ALL
CAPITAL LETTERS.

 Subject: Delayed Shipment

 RE: LETTER OF REFERENCE

 JOB INQUIRY
 Enclosures Line
.
• .
 Placed at the left-hand margin,
 Purpose: telling how many other pieces of paper are enclosed.
 Following the identification initials
 Enclosure
 Enclosures: 3
 Enclosures (3)
 The following are examples of enclosure notation forms:
 Enclosure Enc. Enclosures (3)

 3 Enclosures Enclosures 3

Types of enclosures may be indicated:

 Enclosures (3)
 1. Invoice 6234-44
 2. Graph of sales activity
 3. Letter of authorization
 C.C. Line

 C.C. means carbon copy （抄送）

 They preface the names of people who have received a copy of the letter.
cc: Mr. Zhao lin
Cc Nathan Jackon
c/c: Mr. Nathan Jackon
 Identification Initials
.
• .
 Identification Initials: Reference initials (the writer's initials and the inputter's
initials) appear two lines below the last line of the signature block and flush with
the left margin.

 If only the inputter's initials are used, they are usually lowercase, e.g., rgn. If the
writer's initials are included, they are in all capitals, followed by a slash mark or
colon, and then followed by the inputter's initials in lower case, e.g., TLM/rgn or
TLM:rgn.
 The N.B. and P.S
.
• .
 N.B.: ( 留心 , 注意 )short for Latin word :Nota Bene’, aiming to call the reader’s
special attention to the following points.
 P.S.: short for ‘postscript’, meaning an extra message added at the end of the
letter ( 又及，附笔 )
 Forbes Plastics Ltd
7 West End Road, London, G14 2RR, United Kingdom
0044-Tel: 0044-020-73708687 Fax: 0044-020-73708685
e-mail: cic@forbes.co.uk
• 26 March 2022

• James Bachar Our refC2992

• Purchasing manager Your ref FH/55
• 227 Boton Avenue
• New York 98986
• USA

• Dear Mr. Bachar,

• RE: Catalogue and Price List

• Thank you for your enquiry about our range of office storage products.

• Please find enclosed our current catalogue and price list, which I am sure you will find of interest.

• Your sales representatives will be visiting customers in USA next month and I will be very happy to meet you with samples of our products. I will contact
you with more details in the near future.

• If you require any further information, please do not hesitate to contact me.

• Yours sincerely,

• J. Nardi
• __________________
• Joe Nardi
• Sales Manager

• Enclosures: (1)catalogue
(2) price list

•
 • .
Our refC2992

.
Your ref FH/55
.
27 March 2018

James Bachar
Purchasing manager
227 Boton Avenue 26 march 2018
New York 98986
USA

Dear Mr. Bachar,

Catalogue and Price List

Thank you for your enquiry about our range of office storage products.

Please find enclosed our current catalogue and price list, which I am sure you will find of interest.

Your sales representatives will be visiting customers in USA next month and I will be very happy to meet you with samples of our products. I will
contact you with more details in the near future.

If you require any further information, please do not hesitate to contact me.

Yours sincerely

J. Nardi
_______________________________
Joe Nardi
Sales Manager

Enclosures: (1)catalogue
(2) price list
 Our refC2992 .
 James Bachar Your ref FH/55



.
Purchasing manager
227 Boton Avenue 26 march 2006
New York 98986
 USA 22 March 2006


• .
 Dear Mr. Bachar,

 Catalogue and Price List

 Thank you for your enquiry about our range of office storage products.

 Please find enclosed our current catalogue and price list, which I am sure you will find of interest.

 Your sales representatives will be visiting customers in USA next month and I will be very happy to meet you with samples of our products. I
will contact you with more details in the near future.

 If you require any further information, please do not hesitate to contact me.

 Yours sincerely

 J. Nardi
 _____________________________
 Joe Nardi
 Sales Manager

 Enclosures: (1)catalogue
(2) price list
• Dear all,
.
I have a query regarding retrenchment compensation payable to employees who are shown an exit
on account of downsizing due to cost escalation.(ITES Company)
The Management has already served the notice to the employees and asked the employees to look
for some other job. And, also it gave an option to some of the employees to come for work till the
end of Notice period , but still promised to pay the notice period. Meanwhile, some of the
employees got job outside and joined them immediately.
1)Now, the question is whether Notice Pay and Retrenchment compensation payable to employees
who have joined other Comapnies.
2) If required, is it possible to revoke the Notice served and ask the employees to join back?
3) Whether Salary to be paid to the employees who are served Notice but asked to come for work.
4) What is the reason for separation to be mentioned in their service certificates?
If i have missed anything, please include your comments for the same also along with your query.
Thanks&Regards,
•
M.T.K.S. Vasan
 .
Checklists for writing letters
• .
• 1. What is my purpose in writing this letter?
2. What does my reader want or need to know to understand my message?
3. Have I answered important questions and provided the necessary information for
the reader?
4. Did I accomplish my purpose?
5. Have I included boring, confusing, or distracting information?
6. What do I want the reader to do when he or she is done reading this?
7. Is that clear to the reader?
8. Have I included all the information necessary for the reader to take this action?
 Business Communication
Establishing a professional ‘self’ through effective intercultural communication’

• you will learn how to communicate effectively to establish relationships

with colleagues in a culturally and linguistically diverse community and
workplace. As language reflects cultures, we begin the course by
highlighting the need to take into considerations cultural values when we
communicate in a multicultural community and workplace.
• discuss some effective communication skills required to build relationships
with colleagues in a globalised workplace.
• You will learn to adopt appropriate intrapersonal and interpersonal, verbal
and nonverbal, communicative strategies to present information based on
the 8 communication principles.
• Finally, you will learn to build your personal profile and appropriately align
yourself in a globalised workplace.
 The 8Cs of Communication in Business

 Clear
 Concrete
 Concise
 Correct
 Courteous
 Convincing
 Complete
 Coherence
Poor Writing Style .
.
September 7, 2022

Mr. Jasdev Singh

772, Jalan Kelana
46000 Petaling Jaya

Dear Mr. Jasdev ，

In response to your query, I wish to state that we no longer have an original copy of the
brochure requested. Be advised that a photographic reproduction is enclosed herewith.

Address further correspondence to this office for assistance as required.

Yours sincerely,
Ahmad Mastor Ali
AMA:knt
Enclosure
 Revised version

Dear Mr. Jasdev,

Because we are currently out of original copies of our
brochure, I am sending you a photocopy of it. If I can be of
further help, please let me know.
 1. clarity
• focus is clear: show specific goals
• easy to understand main point
• uses exact, appropriate and concrete words
 .
Dear James,

Subject: Project Management

I would like to talk to you about the new client's project. I

might need the help of John from your team.

Regards
• Dear James,
.
• I would like to talk to you about the ABC's project on XYZ. I had a
meeting with the design team yesterday and had discussed the
campaign requirments for this project.

• John Chan from your team has expertise in doing the social media
campaign for ABC, so I would like him to work on the XYZ campaign
too. Would you be available sometime tomorrow to discuss this
further? I am free at any time to meet tomorrow (date).
 Concrete
• It is important to avoid being vague when communicating in a business
environment. Use concrete language that leaves no room for
misinterpretation. This can involve concepts as well as specific
instructions.

• For example, telling employees to “do better” does not provide

actionable feedback. However, letting employees know that tardiness
is unacceptable or that their expense reports must be error-free
provides concrete information.
• Requesting that assignments be completed “as soon as possible” is
also not concrete, as that phrase can be interpreted many ways. If you
need a report by 3 p.m. on Wednesday, state exactly that.
concreteness
general→specific leave no room for doubt or ambiguity

• be particular and clear

• support ideas with facts and figures
• some,” “many,” “a few,” “as soon as possible.” These should be replaced with
concrete numbers, dates, and timescales.

Please complete the report as soon as possible

Please complete the report by 22 March.

The meeting will be held the day after tomorrow.

The meeting will be held on Friday 15th March.

Sales skyrocketed this quarter.

Sales increased 10% this quarter.

There is a direct flight from Hangzhou to LA bi-monthly.

There is a direct flight from Hangzhou to LA once every two month.
There is a direct flight from Hangzhou to LA twice every month.
General specific

a tall spray drayer a 40-foot-tall spray dryer

plant oil refinery

unit evaporateor

unfavorable weather rain

high performance 95 percent efficiency

Dear James,

I just read your enquiry about our favourite holiday destination.

Hilltop Resort is the best resort. Do join us in your next holiday.

Best regards

Bella Lee
Dear Bella,

I just read your enquiry about our favourite holiday destination. Hilltop
resort is the best resort for us. It is situated at the top of the western hills,
and surrounded by waterfalls. The facilities are great too-there are 3
swimming pools, a bbq area, a gym and 2 small supermarkets.

It is a great way to escape from life's chaos and stress. Relax and rejuvenate
yourself at Hilltop. Let me know if you want more details.

Feel free to join us on our next holiday to the Hilltop Resort in June if you
like.
Coherent. Your reader needs to understand your message immediately. As
you set down your thoughts and ideas, do so in a logical manner and help
your reader to follow along by linking your ideas together sensibly.

• main topic details

• tone and flow of text consistent

result

why

1 2 3 4
Dear Anni,

Thanks for submitting the 3rd-quarterly progress report for

the Western Hill Project. Finn will email you detailed
comments.

Upon the completion in the 3rd quarter. Fiin will contact you
to arrange a date to discuss the budget for the 4th quarter so
the client can move on to complete the final stage of the
project.
Dear Anni,

Thanks for submitting the 3rd-quarterly progress report for

the Western Hill Project. Finn will give you some feedback
on it by (date).

After we finalise the progree report, we will arrange to

meet to discuss the budget and complete the final stage
of the project.
The first order will be delivered on 22 March. The
second order will be delivered on 2 April. The first
order will arrive within two weeks.

The first order will be delivered on 22 March which will

arrive within two weeks.The second order will be
delivered on 2 April.
clear point

clearly state the point near the begining to allow the

reader a clear understanding of the letter's purpose.
Concise→KISS
business communications fucus on what needs to be conveyed and nothing else
by stating the idea in the fewest words possible. (not means to cut down words
to sacrifice the content)

1.eliminated outdated expressions

• pursuant to your request, the physical inventory has been scheduled for May
3.
• As you requested, the physical inventory has been scheduled for May 3.

• enclosed please find a copy of the bill of lading.

• enclosed is a copy of the bill of lading.

• very truly yours

• Sincerely
2. Eliminated Cliches

The ball is in your court.

the decision is yours.

if you have any question, please do not hesitate to let me know.

if you have any question, please let me know.

I would like to take this opportunity to express my sincere gratitude for

your support to our business.

We wish to inform you that

3. use simple words

terminate/end procure /get remunerate/pay utilize/use

The shipment was delayed due to the severe weather condition.

the shipment was delayed because of the bad weather.
4. redundancies to avoid

needless repetition: advance forward, it goes without saying, best ever, each and
every, dollar amount, hot water heater, looking forward to the future...

unneeded modifiers: actual experience, advanced planning, brief summary, complete

stop, personal opinion, red in color, severe crisis

Repeated acronyms: ATM machine, PIN number, SAT test

1. she took the web design course and passed it.

2. the editor checked the manuscript and found three glaring errors.
redundancy rewrite

advance plan plan

actual experienceexperience experience

two cubic feet in volume two cubic feet

wordy expression suggested substitue
during the course of during
in the form of as
in many cases often
in the event of if
5. use active voice to reduce the numerber of words.

the documentation was written by the systems analyst.

the systems analyst wrote the documentation.

the loan approval procudures were revised by the loan officer.

the loan officer revised the loan approval procedures.
6. avoid wordy _shorten sentences by using suffixes or prefixes,
making changes in word form, or substituting precise words for
phrases.

she was a manager who was courteous to others.

she was a courteous manager.

He waited in an impatient manner.

he waited impatiently.
7. use coumpound adjective

the report that was uo tp date.....

the up to date report...
Dear Annie,

I think we need to talk about the ABC campaign, I mean the

one which we need to do as a quaterly exercise. I think it is a
great way of enhancing our brand image. Basically, it would
just be an on-site visit to the ABC Company but we can sort of
do other things too. For instance, we need to talk to the full-
time and part-time staff. let us sit and talk tomorrow.
I would like to discuss the quarterly ABC campaign with you. This will
require for us to talk to the full-time and part-time staff at the ABC
Company.

This will help emhance our brand image. We'll talk in detail tomorrow.
correctness
ensure every word within the documents contains
accurant facts and figures. this includes
proofreading the letter to check for grammer and
spelling mistakes.

spelling
grammer
punctuation
information: facts and figure
tone
appropriate and correct language
Dear John,

Further to our conservation today, I am attaching the plan for the

first stage of the project. Hope the one weak deadline was not okay
with you and your team.

regards

Anne
Dear John,

Further to our conversation today, I am attaching the plan for the first
stage of the project. Hope the one week deadline is okay with you
and your team.
Tone: addressing the your intended audience in an appropriate
manner. A letter to a board of directors would use much more
formal language than a memo to your supervisor.
courteous

1. project a positive, tactful tone

decline, refuse , reject...
1.Don't forget to submit your time and expense report.
Rember to submit your ....

2.we cannot ship your order until you send us full specification

3.you neglected to indicate the specification for Part No.332

4. we have to reject your order for 2 metric tons of white sugar.

5.your application for the job has been rejected.

negative words may be justified

Use an oil-based paint for this purpose, do not use latex.
final copies are to be printed using a laser printer, ink-jet is not acceptable.
pleasant idea

unpleasant idea ( third person approach is prefered)

You made numerous mistakes on this page.

This page contains numerous mistakes.
passive voice preferred for negative ideas

You did not proofread this bid proposal carefully.

The bid proposal was not preefread carefully.

You completed the job two months behind schedule..

Harry and Maghan bombshell: worst royal crisis in
85 years

One year after announcing that they would be stepping away

from their royal duties, Harry and Markle are sitting down with
Winfrey for a two-hour tell-all interview.

I was really ashamed to say it at the time, and shamed to have to

admit it to Harry especially, because I know how much loss he
has suffered, but I knew that if I didn't say it, that I would do it
and I just didn't want to be alive anymore.
The whole family is saddend to learn the full extent of
how challenging the last few years have been for
Harry and Meghan.

The issue raised, particularly that of race, are

concerning. While some recollections may vary, they
are taken very seriously and will be addressed by the
family privately.

Harry, Meghan and Archie will always be much loved

family members.
use the subjunctive mood

negative tone
I cannot approve your transfer to our overseas operation.

subjunctive mood
if positions were available in our overseas operation, I would approve
your transfer.

I cannot accept the recommendation.

I wish I could accept the recommendation.
avoid demanding tone

You must cut down the price by 30%, otherwise we will not place an
order.

If you can cut down....., and we will...

Can you please...
would you please...
avoid personal information
our 55 year old lady boss will resign next week.
our boss will .....

avoid “you”
Since I took the leadership role, the sales has increased by 20%

.
general-specific

specific
Thank you for writing me about your problems with your creditors
and the possibility of filing bankcrupcy.

General
Thank you for your explanation of your financial status.

specific
Greg told me about the tragedy in your business.

general
Greg told me about what happened last week.
bad news-using indirect approach

One way of writing a bad news letter is to manipulate

paragraph/sentence structure. A better, general structure of
writing a bad news letter is as follows:
Buffer;
Bad news; and
Goodwill.

give reasons to justify a negative answer;

state or imply the bad news;
make positive suggestion
 Mr. Badrul Hisham Aman
157, Jalan Pegawai
00000 Alor Setar,
Kedah

 Dear Mr. Badrul Hisham,

 Your application for the position of account executive at Bara Group
of Companies has been rejected. We have found someone more
qualified than you.

 Sincerely,

 Mary De Cruz
Human Resource Manager
 Dear Mr. Badrul Hisham;
 Buffer

 Thank you for your time and effort in applying for the position of account
executive at Bara Group of Companies.

 Bad News

 Since we needed someone who can assume the duties here with minimum of
training, we have selected an applicant with over ten years of experience.

 Goodwill

 I am sure that with your excellent university record you will find a position in
another office.
 Sincerely,

Mary De Cruz
Human Resource Manager
good news
 Dear Mr. Badrul Hisham;

 Good News
 Congratulations. Please accept our offer of the position of account executive at
Bara group of Companies.

 Explanation
If the terms we discussed in the interview are acceptable to you, please come
in at 9:30 a.m. on November 15. At that time we will ask you to complete our
personnel form, in addition……..

 Goodwill
I, as well as the others in the office, look forward to working with you. Everyone
was very favourably impressed with you during your interviews.

 Sincerely,
 Mary De Cruz
Human Resource Manage
Dear Ann,

I really do not appreciate how your IT team ignores the requests

of my team to fix the computers. My team has an important
function in this organisation too and we have our own IT
requirment. Can you ensure that you team responds promptly to
my team's requests from now on?
Dear Ann,

I undersand that the IT team is very busy with work and receives many requests
from every department in the organisation.

My team, however, is working on an urgent and high-priority project and I would

greatly appreciate it if you could ask your team members to promptly respond to
my team's concerns about the computers so that we are able to complete this
project on time.

Please do let me know if you need any further clarification from me .

Dear Meng:

The Finance Department has completed its selection process for the MS in Financial Economics
Program entering class for 2023. The Department reviewed over 750 applications for only 30
open positions. Largely due to this we are not able to extend you an offer of admission. The
enrollment rate for the Masters in Financial Economics Program will likely be about 4%. I want to
assure you that your application was given an exhaustive and thorough review by our admissions
committee.

The selection of new students is always very difficult. This decision is not a negative assessment
of your training, interests, or ability. Nor does the outcome of our current search preclude you from
applying again, in the future, to our Program or others within Columbia University.

Sincerely,

MS Admissions
Columbia Business School

Columbia University
MS & PhD Admissions
David Geffen Hall, Room 483
645 West 130th Street
New York, NY 10027
completeness

A complete message should include all pertinent information – the when,

where, why, who and how. You should also include a clear explanation of any
action you want your reader to take.

1. I did not receive any response for the complaint I lodged:

I made a complaint to the Branch Manager on June 23, 2020 on the inordinate
delay at the cash counter. Can I get a response?

2. I want a room booked in your hotel for three days in the first week of the
month of July:
I want a single room accommodation for three days from
3rd July morning.Please do the booking in my name.
our flight will arrive in london at 8.00 pm.

your order will be delivered on this Friday.

The meeting will be held on next friday in conference room.

Dear All,

let's meet tomorrow lunch to discuss the product lauch event. Please be
there on time.

Regards

Christine
Dear All,

Let us meet tomorrow (9th Sep) at 11am at the Annex Building , room909 to
discuss the product lauch event. We will have to decide the keynote speakers and
complete the event invitation draft tomorrow.

Looking forward to meeting you tomorrow.

Dear Ms Hill,

The Martin Northern sales division is holding its annual meeting soon. would you be
interested in supplying us with some promotional materis that we can use as gifts for
our sales representatives? Last year you were kind enough to provide key chains
engraved with your logo, which were a big hit with our people. I'm sure they were a
constant reminder that your hotels are good places for Martin Northon sales
representatives to stay while travelling on business. Our record show that 342 Martin
Norton people spent a total of 2345 nights with you last year, an increase of 37
percent over the year before.
convincing:

Good business communication relies on facts, not opinions. Once lost credibility is
hard to repair, so always check your facts and sources. When referencing facts, pay
attention to how the data was collected and whether the results were unbiased. Make
sure your information is up to date.

1. If the budget for advertising can be increased, this will significantly improve the
sales.

2. if we recommend the wrong product to the customer, we should give them 30%
discount for all their future orders.

3. We should train alll the sales person.

Considerate
your document is easy to read and scan. splitting information into paragraphs with
one idea per paragraph, by using bullets and lists for ease of scanning, by using
stylistic choices such as bold and italic to emphasize your point, and by using
internal headings to guide your reader through the document.
 Considerate
U approach : An empathizing response leads to better understanding
and acts as a step forward in problem solving.

1. We are happy to announce that transaction can be made even after 3.00 PM
till 5.00 PM at the teller-counter.

2.You will be (or customers will be) able to do transactions after office hours, at
the Teller counter till 5.00 PM.

The second announcement prioritizes customer benefit and so is more

considerate
Putting the blame on the receiver can have a negative impact.
.
1: You have failed to pay the dues for the month of July for your cable
connection.

2:The dues for cable TV connection for the month of July remain unpaid.
In business communication, receiver / reader benefit appeals to the
reader and so results in promoting business and building goodwill.
Consideration also means emphasizing positive and pleasant facts.

“Goods in bad condition and without the bill will not be exchanged “
.”.

Goods in good condition accompanied by bills can be exchanged”

No travelling allowance will be paid for distances less than 10 KMs

 .
Travelling allowance will be paid for travels extending beyond 10 KMs
 .
.
• .
 Dear Mr Wong,

 We sincerely apologize for the wrong delivery of 200 dozens of men’ socks. We
have dispatched the correct goods yesterday and they will arrive within three
days.

 Can you please send us the wrong goods as soon as possible ? We will bear the
shipping cost/freight.

 To compensate for your loss, we will give you a special discount of 2% off this
order ad next order. .

 Looking forward to your future order.

Wordy expressions Brief expressions

At a later date. later

At the present time, now

Avail oneself Use

In a matter similar to like

Inasmuch as as

Inform me of the reason Tell me why

In the course of during

Be of the opinion that believe

Arrive at the conclusion Conclude

On the event that if

duplicate copy

• .
 formal and conversational style

I need to

find out what's wrong Identify the problem

fix the problem
give people confidence
give clients my attention
spend as little as possible
make as much money as
possible
resolve the problem
motivate the employees
_______on our clients
_______our expenses
_______our earnings
I got your mail
need require
talk about d
get in touch c
make sure e
give travel plan itinerary
let them know i
tell why explain
talk more elabrate
fix
 .
Using Conversational Style
• .
Use Personal References Use words such as I, we, you, your, my, and our in your
speaking and writing. Don't be afraid to identify yourself. Using I, we and you also helps
you to avoid using passive verbs. It makes your style more direct and clear.

So instead of :
 Our address records have been amended ...
write
 We’ve changed your address in our records ...

Instead of
 The company policy is ...
write
 Our policy is ...
 How to improve
.
• .
 As we noted in the preceding section, if you purchased additional printer options,
such as the second printer tray, it is a requirement to verify its correct installation”.
.
 “As we noted in the previous section, if you bought extra printer equipment, such as
second printer tray, you must check to install it correctly”.
 choice of words and tone
.
• . “The sales receipt must be enclosed with the merchandise before we can process
the refund.”

 “Please enclose the sales receipt with the merchandise, so that we can send your
refund promptly.”
  Please don’t send us the bad news.
 We must reject your order for 100 tons of white
. sugar.
 We can’t attend the seminar.
 .
revise the message
• .
 Formal: I am writing in reference to your kind invitation to address the New York
chapter of the American Technology Association. I appreciate your regard for my
expertise. However, it is with deep regret that I must decline your kind invitation

 Chatty: Many thanks the invite to chat with the American Technology Association.
Sorry-can’t make it. Have to be on the West coast then.
 .
revised version
• .
 Personal: thank you for asking me to speak at the New York chapter of the
American Technology Association. I would very much like to accept the invitation,
but I must be on the West Coast that week
 .
Get to the Heart of the Matter
• .
 I wish to take this opportunity to thank you for taking the time to send us your
recent inquiry. As you no doubt are aware, your membership entitles you to all the
rights and privileges afforded to current members. Also , you will be receiving on a
monthly basis a copy of our newsletter, which we hope you will find to be of value,
please feel free to share this newsletter with any of your colleagues who you feel
might also find it worthwhile.
 .
revised version
• .
 thank you for your recent inquiry. your membership entitles you to all the
privileges of current members. Also , you will receive a monthly newsletter, which
we hope you will find to be of value, please share this newsletter with colleagues
who might also find it worthwhile.
 Positive words
.
•
 .
Negative: this product is no more harmful than a hair dryer.
 Positive: this product is as safe as a hair dryer.
 Negative: participation for the month of January hasn’t increased.
It remained at 45%.
 To avoid the loss of your credit rating, please remit payment within
a week.
A. The following sentences are correct, but there is still room for improvement.
Try to improve them with the techniques introduced in this chapter.

• (1)This is to inquire at what address we can reach you.

• (2)I wish to express my heartfelt gratitude for your kind
reply.
• (3)To avoid the loss of your credit rating , please remit
payment within a week.
• (4)Your negligence in this matter caused the damage to
the shipment.
• (5)It gives me much pleasure to notify you that your
application has been approved.
 .
• (6)There are three factors which influence the conclusion
of the contract.
• (7)I regret to inform you that we cannot refund your
deposit unless you return the goods within a week.
• (8)We are awaiting the favor of your early response.
• (9)Due to the fact that your contract has lapsed, we are
unable to comply with your request.
• (10)In the meeting we had in New York, on that
occasion, I concurred with your request that we deferred
on the decision of whether to response Haier Ltd.
B. The following is a bad-news letter. The meaning of the letter is clearly
expressed but the way to present the bad news may irritate the reader. Rearrange
and improve the letter to make it more acceptable.

• Gentlemen,
• We are sorry to say that the price for your cigarette lighters is too high for us
to work on. So it is a pity we cannot place an order for your products.
• We have received a quotation from a German company and they quoted us a
price approximately 15% lower than that of yours. We admit that the quality of
their products dose not measure up to that of yours, but the price gap between
yours and theirs is too wide for us to accept.
• Although we are keen to do business with you, we regret that we cannot
accept your offer or even meet you half way.
• Sorry again for the rejection. We wish you can sell your high-priced lighters to
other importers successfully.
•
 C. Compare the following two letters and find out what methods have
been applied in the improved letter.

• Dear Mr. Brown,

• This is to inform you that you will have t come to my office and sign the
necessary papers for your loan. Our credit committee approved it yesterday
at its weekly meeting.
• The loan is for a 5-year period. General bank makes no loan except at
variable interest rate because of the uncertainty of inflation rates. The
interest rate for your loan for the first year will be 12 percent, but will be
higher for subsequent years. The monthly payment is due by the fifth day of
each month. There is a 1 percent penalty for late payments.
• I would like you to use our bank for all your financial business. We will
consider giving you additional loans provided you repay this loan on time.
• Don't forget to come and sign the loan papers. We cannot release the
money until the paper-work is completed and signed. Thanks for doing
business with us. If there is anything else I can do, please let me know.
 revised
• Dear Mr. Brown

• Congratulations! Your, loan for US$ 120,000.00 has been approved. This money
should be enough to help rebuild your warehouse.

• This loan is for a 5-year period. The rate for the first year is the lowest possible we
can offer—12 percent. The interest on your loan after the first year is a low 14
percent, lower than that charged by any other bank in town. We can arrange the
payment dates and method of payment, and discuss other agreement details when you
come in to sign the loan agreement.

• Mr. Brown, your company seems to be on its way to becoming a very successful
business firm and may be interested in using our financial services, such as free
checking and low interest revolving credit accounts. Please ask about these benefits
on your next visit our bank.

• you may stop in at your convenience and complete the necessary paperwork for your
loan. Your business is certainly appreciated, and we are always pleased to help you
meet all your financial needs.
5 How to address an envelope
.
.
 .
 .
.
• .
 Names and addresses on envelopes should be identical to those in the
letterhead, the inside address, and the signature block of the letter.

 Business envelopes, regardless of size, must carry both the addressee's full
name and address and the sender's return address, both in block style..

 Adhering to the following guidelines will ensure that letter mail is technically
compatible with these devices.
 .
.
• .
 Foreign mailings should have the country name, printed in capital letters, as the
only information on the bottom line. The postal delivery zone, if any, should be
included with the city:

 MR JACK EDWARDS
103 CAMDEN DRIVE
LONDON W4P2HQ
ENGLAND
.
..
.
 .
 .
.
• .
 Every house and business in the UK has a complete postal address that helps
Royal Mail deliver mail quickly, accurately and cost effectively.
We’ve laid out below the elements that make up a postal address and those that
are required for us to deliver mail.
 .
Address Is it Required? Information

Mr A Smith When applicable Addressees Name

Acme Plc When applicable Company/Organisation

Eton House Yes (except if it has a number) Building Name

3 High Street Yes Number of building and name of

thoroughfare

London Yes Post Town please print in capitals

SO31 4NG Yes Postcode please print in capitals

 .
• .
 Nildram Ltd [recipient]
 Ardenham Court [probably the building name: Not all addresses
have this part.]
 Oxford Road [street name]
 AYLESBURY [postal town (town/city)]
 HP19 3EQ [postal code]
 GREAT BRITAIN [country name]
.
 Mr. Walter C. Brown
 49 Featherstone Street
 LONDON EC1Y 8SY
 GREAT BRITAIN
 .
.
• .
 Window Envelopes
 The entire address must always be visible in a window envelope, even during full
movement of the insert. If part of the address is hidden, the OCR rejects the
envelope and sends it off for manual or mechanized processing.
How to write an invitation
 Wedding invitation
 Party invitation