6 The Davidsonian THE “OTHER” PERSPECTIVES SECTION
the other perspectives section
Cash-strapped
alcholics forced
to bicycle under
the influence
See page 7 Sometimes nothing can be a real cool hand.
Union printer
Davidson Indoors: Introverted,
prints paper in Weird Misfits Find Their Niche
time for alum’s After years of gym class
fifth reunion humiliation, high ropes tremors and
orienteering ineptitude, Davidson’s
See Page 9 clumsy introverts finally have a
group of their own.
Founded by juniors Ezekial
Cornwall and Melanie Chiglinski,
Davidson Indoors provides a safe,
fun environment for students with
no interest in building fires, fording
rivers or perspiring whatsoever.
The group, which meets
Saturday nights at nine, focuses
on a variety of activities, ranging
from reading the Aragon trilogy to
knitting God’s Eyes.
courtesy photo In addition to impromptu
hanging out, Davidson Indoors
has planned several trips. On
October 3rd there is a Beginning
Goalless Draw: Zelda course in Akers 211. An
The Dream Begins intermediate LARPing (Live Action
Role Playing) tutorial is scheduled
to Die for November 12th in the Union
900 Room.
See page 8 Anyone wishing to be a
Davidson Indoors trip leader must
become certified by achieving
Student confuses Warlock Status in Dungeons and
Dragons and watching the entire
G.P.A. with 3.99 third season of Dragonball Z.
According to Chiglinski, the
price per gallon group provides a niche for many
would be recluses. “Sure we might
of gas; damn not be able to throw a spiral, ride
See page 3
Chester P. Acorn, Environmentalist Squirrel, Dead at 38
Last Wednesday afternoon
Chicken Parm: at precisely 1:09pm, Chester
P. Acorn, squirrel, brought the
a sustainable student body together for the
first time since last spring’s
resource? basketball madness. By hurling
his adorable three-and-a-half
See page 5 pound furry figure at a series of
electrical generators providing
power to the entire campus,
Chester sent the student body
into a two-hour energy frenzy.
Writings, found in his
nightly bedside diaries, noted the
Your Davidson Honor Section beginnings of the “Real Shock
Editors: Initiative,” which many said
Dan Killian completely eclipsed, in scope
Alex Hoyt and efficacy, anything the SGA
has ever done or tried to do.
Staff Writers:
Alex Greening Homecoming King and
Josh Tobin Queen Titles: As Meaning-
ful as Your Knight Winning
Sidebar Contributor:
Greg Marcil
at Medieval Times
A recent report from PsychDaily
Photoshop Specialist: indicated that both achievements
Ana Kozhevnikova are recognized so that someone,
Note: The Yowl is a satirical supple-
anyone, feels good about a victory
ment to The Davidsonian. Hence, that is most likely compensating for
nothing in it should be taken as truth.
Word.
an unrelated, much more serious
void in one’s life.
October 1, 2008
a horse, or breath pollinated air,
but we have a lot of unique skills,”
he said. “No one knows Smash
Brothers like we do.”
Davidson’s “Indoor Kids” learn that they are not alone in their misery.
The group does not consider
itself a rival in any way to Davidson
Outdoors, and hopes that the more
outdoorsy folks are not threatened
by DI’s quest for total domination
of the Vail Commons Dark Side.
“It’s a total misconception that
we hate D.O. And I don’t know
who started the rumor that we
recalibrated their gyrocompasses.
That’s just not true.”
courtesy photo
Chester P. Acorn is photographed
here in his first failed attempt to
cut off all electricity to the David-
son College Campus late last year.
In two hours of an electricity-
free campus, Mr. Acorn saved
enough energy to power all the
projectors in Chambers for two days,
the conveyor belt at Commons for
a full week, and that one TV in the
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
In fact, many members of
Davidson Indoors say that they
like the idea of taking a hike.
“In third grade I read Walden,
courtesy photo
and I’ve wanted to conduct a
similar experiment ever since,”
said Cornwall. Asthma and
Osgoodschlatter’s may have kept
him away from the woods, but the
notion of hiking remains as alluring
as ever. During his summer
internship with Nintendo, he drew
up plans for a Wii Hiking game
scheduled for release in November
2009.
Union that never stops playing The
Davidson Show for a fortnight.
In recent interviews the Acorns
revealed Chester’s environmental
activism throughout his younger
years.
“He even formed an alliance
with campus groundhogs to gnaw
through electrical wires powering
all Duke Dormitory conference
rooms because he was frustrated
that they have never actually been
entered since they were added in
2007,” said Acorn’s mother.
At his funeral service, students
also took time to reflect on how he
used to set himself on fire to protest
the Union fireplaces lack of an
off-switch between the months of
The Davidsonian
Head Nod
Not Mutual
A recent head nod was
rejected outside the Union this
week. Eyewitnesses reported
seeing a student attempt a
greeting-style head nod late
Monday morning, only to have
the intended recipient walk on,
unfazed.
“Some eye contact would
have been nice,” says Jeff
Wilson ’10, the student who was
later identified as the initiator of
the one sided greeting. Wilson
claims that he was “shocked”
and “embarrassed” when his nod
went unreciprocated.
This incident is indicative of a
campus-wide problem, according
to Sarah Rogers ’09, psychology
major and extraordinarily
credible expert.
A recent informal poll
conducted by Rogers shows
a 47% rejection rate for head
nod greetings on the Davidson
campus. That number is up from
a mere 25% rejection rate last
March.
“People are becoming less
willing to put themselves out
there with a nod. We’re drifting
apart as a community,” says
Rogers.
Jessica McDonald ’11,
identified by several eyewitnesses
as the rejecter of Wilson’s head
nod, declined to comment.
November and December every
year.
Tragically, the progress from
Chester’s revolutionary idea,
Davidson Does It in The Dark, was
completely undone by the SGA’s
Lights on Davidson program. This
week of celebration, designed to
maximize every possible utility
on campus, permanently turns
on all automatic faucet and flush
functions, while simultaneously
activating all heating and cooling
units on campus, providing a
neutral zone of student comfort.
Chester was also responsible
for the recent tripling of Cat Cupp
usage on campus from two to six
Cupps. He will truly be missed.