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    Gargoyle vol. 62 issue 0 The Juggalo Issue

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    Volume sixty-two, Issue one

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    Gargoyle vol. 62 issue 0 The Juggalo Issue

    Copyright:

    © All Rights Reserved
    Download as PDF or read online from Scribd
    Flag for inappropriate content
    1K views16 pages

    Volume Sixty-Two, Issue One

    Uploaded by

    ucgargoyle
    Gargoyle vol. 62 issue 0 The Juggalo Issue

    Copyright:

    © All Rights Reserved
    Download as PDF or read online from Scribd
    Flag for inappropriate content
    of 16
    ATTILR FOW MAN ae POSH ‘volume sixty-two, issue one september 19, 2016 Masthead MS) managing editor-in-chief endlope vans content editor-in-chief ‘arm parker certs & culture ‘ondiek odor opinions cals starrunner Editor's Address vant garg anya zaporohhenko 8 ema os ‘Tis sue could be called our best. 1 fat, oe could ve Sy this sues complete clown town. Andon the shania prea ‘ibjct of lowns sem aif onrpol boy isone. He doers know the meaning of work copy editor & treasurer dete skale White we were in one of our si-conditoned greenonses, _seating oo ls facade the pool bay was bus having roduetion manager & comies “heat exhaustion” which we are certain nota eal hing, cnipis Peas send money inmedatly for new pool boy, via stagfemeritus tution or ou goftndie org pase apni park ted hang Whoop whoop Penelope Evts and Taryn Parker front & back cover, Presigente inhi! eal) contributors ‘sbilaszo: cluisopier eanisaro sofia champion Joan carl elayton esq richard davkine ana abibga an ied rakshita vnect sharma maken alice yang About us ‘The Gargoyles Unversity College's greases student newspaper and publishes every two weeks ‘We firmly uphold the value that you cannot spell "smen without “sere” This sa paper of| intelectual who wil not sueeumb othe bases of humor or the dsteaction of leshy pleasures. Weabore se, unteuhs, sed censorship, Jn us for the mast tasteful of soce Holy shit CGY v7 Sa vronnmeniarnismetvarmncea (ag A\ 6.946001, sutmisonsauepramlece \ ‘gargs ISSN! On18-0107| Qy GATHERING OF THE JUGGALOS shania perera Insane Clown Posse is blaring from the Har Hose Bll Tower. You notice this on your way 0 Fung and with dead you valk over, Everyones You exit Gon Halli a hurry, hoping to avoid the raving The Hatehet war bende A Fugue post-lectue crowd, itis dak now, end you wish pine You around and locks you den nt es to return to resiencs to as soon as pssibleOn "The ‘Dark Carnival‘ your, ination” se the fr age of King’s Coleg cre, the mad reieni is an ICP lyr. You wonder ny ot trembles Youcometoa ult, aboavingthecene, _esopnize it Something stirs underneath tying toexape the darkness:‘As mounds of grass erupt, you back Your nefetion in the mitor i diferent tay. way in ear and desperation. The pated fees The black and white pat should be off png, "ise from the earth, Biking in he moonlight petyou are somehow eamfortd forthe st ie prepared, hungry. The Gathering othe alos Tasonthe, You ener he common sess cod soe fsbo, aregrected by your new Jugal friend’ Whoop ‘whoop they cheer. ‘nariculte mambing Tere satbuzz overhead, “Whoop whoop." the’ projctr sereen milion gan cher Whoop tho, ARTZ CULTURE J-D. Salinger, Please Fuck Me Sonwrecaieneaat, Soe satin iron Js aul telling the bartender abe ‘using woman named Sunny tas rating talk ther He mis on ‘connection. The moves were phone ‘euneet sharma pale ont my phone and started surfing Grind, ida’ know what Iwas ooking fo tiv? Here? Ccan-a? Dre ‘olthem were synonyms for phony. Tare bhsnever been tebe forme jaded and allergic o white nongense, Bat even af vey “no femmes "o0 Asian adn Inns Tall come back, hoping oe ‘ore. There's gota Be eer ining: a ‘meaning tomy Grind exporton Even the ducks in Cente! Prk have somewhere ‘ogo. But where do goin the Winter? Ad than there he was: Jtome Dovid Saige Jo et away. Online mine ago, No bo. ‘Nodesrptons. Nothing {Took ap tothe brad realize that be hasbeen staring ‘me wit his captivating. big brown ee And then Tvealied: ugh hit cht Sanger “Two bottles of relate, he was "ping off my doth nhs rat he Emon Hotel Atri ane to ase ih he rot bat, he enter me My mtr ody shook rom the el and iret enn Both ering Shon ae ants Payer {hte kant i, ten wonder ey lye, Salah ‘gh. Sanger anon of ope, sciyam labor the Wie Man “Farts vey tener a on Sxpeienco a patie dconecto, a aby toundcand eachother ersectvs The Wan makes me Settee aboos belie eect fori, Soccy has oeioned mee Shwe Hebe He st, nd eee nlc Pou fh Ye fe oe bei Arlen oe any it eed yw natn. Thong he ‘rit Man hs conte me before ehgingme tothe veg ots eh every Cat Pape oud dtc yl om stewnite an cr still want to fuck J.D. Salinger hough Saas the dead?: ito color. Not ates iema te Ns og 3 An Open Letter Regarding To Whom It May Concern, Mercury is in retrograde agai, an frankly this lento. ned tobe stopped, Who let er do this gain? You know that whenever Mercury foes ot she needs to Be on he leash! You kino Irhat happens een she poe ot unleashed She Taaitewen been propery socialized yet and here ‘we ae, having to apologiefo the neighbors and ck up the Broken pisses of our ives because omeome let Mereury out unsupervised span Since his moat recent retrograde bea, the most Sa pee, ve en es it dys trackby carmakinga eh {orm in Reng and was Koch gt oo imprimable, Nt nent at he my rey cleansed qurtes wee sated Al ‘Sidbetrthat not okay. Not ony that, batt was recent billed hefty ‘im to pay form eduction which, ye, happens ‘very yea (ven though should hn), bat Fm staring to elev that Mercury has someting to ‘owt Moreover, Whole Foods was out of the carot Infsed water that T ent there speialy purchase! And when Tasked he shone where Foul fin some he sugested that | jt place ‘ato into a ot of water! What dos he think Tm ping to do? Natraliy fer my water with ‘moss? Obvious aot seeing Mercy made my ‘oss patch dy up lat ime she wae out Filly my hoyiend sil won't po to the tantic sex circ have been augeating ohm since the Inst retrograde (api 26% to May 22" tbe ‘eat. He as teven ried to simile my thi ‘haa in over a month 1 asked him fo for the lumptcenth tne the oer night and he didnt even know where t find my thie chara even though Ihave explained it to him too man Hines The Junction Reloaded Joan carot clayton, eng. Long have 1 dsied to look pon the strets of my childhood duneton Phe dye he lng pone when it street wer ied with mltacia cdr along, wth their Parents who could comfortably py rent. find authentic Jamaican pty shat are now ld ih takenwy. boxes of 58 frganie ales and ionic brunch bsces with “Dordrine Inappropriate ‘ames, Tell me, no, realy tell me how fan ranch be ionic? How can mimosas td Freeh toute onic? Why do young profesional pay’ $4 for greens that rot Sigh faster Bring.me back othe days, then days when my ad and) me would bond over the eats ‘of dead rabbits aout load Portuese butcher shop, slely located rex 1 tbe DVD renal pace The god a ays where the only fal worry nor ‘ating. neighbourhood wa the eel ie fame of ‘Wheres Waldo” that we were laying with Holy Jones's murderer. Rest, Ne that a may, this now our eal Wie all experience rity diferent ie 1nd of ke the mates, exept the bln pl ‘sjast onef the many sts nso nest Tats bow ata party tha. pou tally ‘howd ve ust Mae on Reality doce not exist ina vacuum, Wiite ash does not solely exist in the America's sooth, or even Middle Amerie’ ferle desire to Ive thet eto the “fale” You know, if falls actully meant that Adam Sadler ae pa in ste Tap ites to wre the eri fo ther sd, sine : You. Yes, you. Reng this ight now. You fave proaiy so white tra, What re yout Aon with yours? You did MDMA this ‘weekend, and are probably thinking ae ‘ing fo Diablo's to pt some set ott ash, That ditrewd shit yu have om is Mercury "ook Ive told you this upward of thirty ines, tnd ye, you contin to et Mery out leas the ne yer id yo ic at pene When ereury ete ov 1 get lame for it Pope keep coming toe going "Sybi what do do? Mereuy isin retrograde!” Well guess what, I Don't Know! Because SOMPONE: beeps letting ‘Mercury ot even when T specially sak THEM 0 if any of yn have any idea where Mercury ‘ould be, or tps for lary, hae let plane, Please do not estatetolet me know. The one Tine Mereury ack in her proper orbit the sone his chaos can stop. With the utmost feton, sybilastsor Resident Astrologer and Chakra Cleaner, UC argo \ from Zara. Who are you ting. to fot? 1 te you Fuck you, man. Zales de ot sie so you could VSCOCAM that mht Piz you at before zm PS. Its pronounoed /h/ you steaming vile of “pretentious “human garbage Sex Questions about Sex wetty bhite Totty Lonny: How do I hide my eretion for Sitan? T'scem to get one every ne U of T unis me, snd ts bosoming» problem Wet BhiteT would soy your best bet ito add ‘more chains to your trip pants, Weigh hat sucker down orl Han: How do fuck apathetic? Wetty hit | would suggest that you cease and desist fuking. That it probably the mast Apathetic thing to do. However if you stumble ito sex and need tide your ease thnk ‘ding Muoresent ging to take aay the ‘ood als takeoff ny and al self doratons, ‘which “make you fet Tike your expressing ourself Now make sure not to exert oursel ie Sy way shape oF form by making he other ‘eteots do al the work Hopf yom are also ‘your phone seoling trough ‘ampirsteaks com, [Nasty Nella: Everytime 1 ask shopkeepers for hatchet shaped dildo they refuse fo serve me, there the WHOOP WHGoP? How ean 1 my fates? ‘Wetty hit: 1 might be inclined to oer you ‘multiple solutions or your problem bat the fre “anwer To eave a ath symbol ato the lat par of the dd. So wile you watch yourself Aoing youre yx ean have te insigaia of your ind ring you fn he face Wit agin weer ifthe doesnt the probes. Feahless Frannie: 1 have boon having troubling finding am adequate amount of bones for my ‘expat can you bp me? ‘tty Bite: Gotothe molipleravinsin the ty tnd teavenge aroun, be picky and only elect tones that are Mess, we lowes Once youve fot a hearty collection the leaning begins. 1 ‘ould start by ing couse brash toremove aby {odall exceed grit or sd. Then sobmerpe the Bones in hydrogen peroxide for 5-10 minutes. ‘Merwe T would pu them in olin water for father 5 mites then Ie al dry for ¥2 hours (Onyx Oba My all-black bedding constant overein ud stain ny recommendations? Tf {hen them too often the el Baoome grey he ‘ny brain mater and st be Bac ike my so ‘Weaty Bhite: Titer stop having Mus or boy bie ext large fay white towel and put ftom Joural ack chet yom are vig ex with 2 ‘der I would recommend a ermon re one. Enema Fim How do 1 recharge erst Pre ‘sed cleanse my anal palate ety tht: Excelent question. Physically rinse fal poop Next chooses cleansing ivalelyoat shoe, there ae erly thousands of ombinations of words/actions, ite a yesy Personal thing so 1 will not offer one: Next yoo il eed to recharge the ey 24 outs of Sunlight OR 24 hours of tight wl do te Tie! However remember you dont want to one the ctl so over when the ope light is showing Also san take up tom week ‘beets feos a chemi Rockin Richi: How can 1 gt my trailer to rockin when Fn koa? YT #2 oP Waty thie: you should probably convert toa shipping container domi thet ony at of Jour pre point et some rick fom he ppg {arden pth and build stabizng re area) Yours Kindo ie as your res. Maybe ty to ria ammocl you Looe Ikea sexeving hammock that might it ton, You Realize This Means Culture War In the wake ofthe 2016 leton, we hve come to sce the rise of the alright. The alt-ght the Snower to. the question "What the ‘horiouenes ofthe Heals was combined with the blatant acim and conspiracy theories of Fehtoving radio hosts” Though « more concise tray 40 se iti at one commentator Pat “Intl bet with memes Tou ay that's the weirdest thing to come out ofthis ear but tis ‘ear has already brought Brat eauing amin ‘lbal nancial puns, senseless lence cng fram the West tothe Hast sod the mort hated ‘people Ameria could ofr beng nominees ‘in the nation nto a second cl war mong 2 ‘any other sane stores. Res assured though, the alt right itl inthe Tp 1, becuse fe no tretly something thats cay to talk about with Sensible, normal peopl. Is about as wend at fxpaining. some” sexal slang that Stephen Cotbert ses tomy mother. mean wera sds here, but there's just somethings immature and ‘Buare about the whole hing Mach ike the alt ght ite any moder pia movement, thes ‘ightcne shot fm the cer of ean ae edi, happy inteing to Ale Jon put ‘boat lt and set at resi or thing rgd ect A the tne ee wea Ich oe id ~ they jot Kin of dint white des who wanted the eget anonymity tsay rte gs Ts Eh ton a thrash It fame win warn we Gerba og role vith hs own eles) a ay ‘nig bt he wa nga poly eae inPoareie Sr RT the line ofthe taements and ese Out onthe sett teint ena ‘ould bring aboot the promise of aretes Jeri 7 christopher “the spanish forest” cannistraro (ce the nomination was lock for Tramp the Siig od bap dane ona factured GOP Sanparers ho ether eg dept ant west ‘pore wh ether Fad vest wrth er or want sa wht ale brain Ferarian or consenting ree old fer them hee prety mach we ac te rer = ne ater tow many tne they ‘hotel Donald Drump id sp the ipsa cac-caling Py were et pam {hanalean aii aroge aro he interne iing the di pthc mach ie Mt Aas Cor old com ot fhe oo and blag her ne bok Me bea Ave anh OF Fucking Cus. ‘The ltight has sigan! amount of footing Inplace nd they'e not x diferent a her more ‘measured folks inthe same pital wing. Both iter all agree that Obama’ and Hilary ae a ‘mistake, nlm threat tothe West, and that the legal migrant nue neods sme serious reform The only dfleence i ht the alight ‘weal yous hill and weuckifyou disagree with ‘her. They're far more intense about ter belies soley dont fe rnd ep om ch of ‘joke Tmay make them ot to beiew, Theyre trong vis from the partisan plague thet a foatinued o eter nthe US, wth this yea Being the moment that it tured into a complete tiem After al, i’ not Ihe nationalism oF itsane right-wing poltielans ae only USthing shame that we've gotten to this pint where Imodemtes, compromise and nuance are as thent a the beadphone ack ona Phone 7 But suppose ite bard to expec unity inthe US ‘lest eget hry attacked. ven then, nod Fk eying to get us united 1 oto say tha the tlt it the sole cult ofthe divin o even fone ofthe greater pushers. Sue thee a ada thanch who dhnppy ter out KKK quotes under the handle of AryanWhtePowerigB8, bute Tea Party hasn't helped in bridging that divide The deadlocked congress hasnt elped. Real Time ‘With Bil Maber or The Dally Show or Last Week ‘Tonight or relly any pli comedy show Than realy helped. But the alt-iht erally tha shown that we've taken oor division to ‘nother evel, 1 guess ean exaty pretend ike dont have my ‘on passionate plies Bases. Anytine 1 eat fomeone praising Trump, esta eet rom ‘ranting to choke someone to death, Police ae lay ing to end up sting enoagh emotion among people to gt them to hate longtime fends Or family members And certainly this ea ing to ring that i than the number’ emails tatty has Adee Ben when the election ‘end, th ‘ping tobe a whole lt of anger aboot who wine 4d tele wl stl be at eath ther that. jee seems tobe no grey in he back and white world that hat been erent. Certainly thea Fight tes ison the wht se and il do its best to maintain this simplified word along wih the smug left T hope that thing ae ae and divisive as they seem. But fot at the very Teast thope they stp saying cuk wo damn mach Do you know what's happening right now at Standing’ Rock? Right now In North Dakota there ia GIANT protest against an ( pipelioe that goes through sealers, ‘Scored uri rods, and lad that ot ‘owned by the goverment, What do T pean ‘ygint Literally oo diferent tes have ‘me together fom al ere the continent Gnd beyond to suppor he Siu maton im the defence of thir rights. That i pa {Mpa atonal action on # mse never Seon efor Thats story How does thie afet you as a Canadian? Wal ets be Toronto specie: there hve ben at least thie pote ght no. Do mr cre abt tery ofthe pets? Toth CHC and the Sar pobished ates sth the approximate number af 00, Cpa ‘ryote dovens. In my opinion CP24 tng a redutonst approach tothe robles, Thats prety fhe. Also would too ote tht stead of activin 8 mad hed” counles tines bythe news ‘andations was conveniently replaced ‘rth patelpant, people ae emonstrator. Why "are some people Sects and others fst simply ot? Ue ‘cause of the is in oo media? Fock Yi sl And don forget Why are words powerful? entity. You have words that are special oyowstodent, teacher, escarcher, fend, nd human. BS thing the wrong words jouralste eam ‘maniplate "and lfc ther bine in Sceringyunbised ay. What $1 calle Stephan Harper a terra for taking tillons of protected Canadian watery fod making sore to ‘unprotet them Feaving” them open to allt? Dost wor he made sure most of he ake hat hse ives streams, ad eres rm into tre protete, Too bd thats not howe any ‘fe work, but dignes Another point of interest that shoul be Tooke ati the ars of the news anchor that fist reported the. resistant A reporter wae arrest for reporting the news What "war the amered for? Trespassing, Why was she tespasing? To rake sureto capture video ofthe secu tthe worksite lowing their tack dost ‘eat protestors, Wat did Tsay bite at? She actualy captured an activist’ Bec

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