Kalia SMS Collection

You can contribute by mailing your SMS collection

r i s h i k a l i a @ k h a l s a . c o m

26 August 2010
I like three things:
1. Pizza
2. Pepsi
3. YOU
Pizza to eat,
Pepsi to drink,
and YOU to..
Oh Hello.. who will clean the table..?

The time since i met you,

i have realised that
a friend like you is
worth a million dollars.
So, if you don't mind..
"Shall i sell you..?"

Koi new message hai kya..?

Agar hai to..
to please
DELETE kar de
kyunki
bhejna to tune hai nahi.

All human beings have FIVE senses.

Some may have the Sixth sense.
But my friend you are a gifted person.
You have got the Seventh sense:
NONSENSE..!!

Premi apni premika se:

Teri galiyon mein na rakhenge kadam aaj ke baad..
arre zaalim keechad bahut ho jaata hai barsaat ke baad.

Did i do anything wrong..?

Then why are you avoiding me..?
Atleast remember me once in a week.
It's really hurting me.
with love,
ur TooThBruSh.

Friends are like fishes..

you have to sit patient for a long time to catch one..
just like i caught you..
better stay nice or i will FRY you..

Every second GOD remembers you.

Every minute GOD blesses you.
Every hour GOD cares for you.
Because every day i pray for you,
"Bachcha moorakh hai..lekin apna favourite hai.."

Kisi ne Dil badal liya,

kisi ne dhadkan badal li,
aap ke paas kuch bhi nahi tha badalne ko,
to aapne Mandir jaa kar Chappal hi badal li..?

It is a fact that when babies are born

Doctors slap their face to make them start
crying n breathing so that their lungs expand.
But there are exceptional cases too,
like your's.
When you were born, the doctor slapped himself.

Things i like about u:

1. Your choice is very good (e.g. choosing me as friend)
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
Ab kya dekh rahe ho..?
Uske baad kabhi koi dhang ka kaam kiya hai..?

Aapki yaad aai,

kalam uthaai aapki tasveer banaai.
Sochaa tha tasveer ko seene se lagaa kar rakhenge
per woh to bachchon ko daraane ke kaam aai.

Ohnaa ne jagah jagah te naake laaye hoye ne,

Saare pange V tere hi paaye hoye ne,
2-4 Din gharon baahar na jaavin,
Baahar kutte fadan waale aaye hoye ne.

Boy: Main keha sohneyo, jutti te badi sohni paai hoi hai.
Girl: Utaaroon kya?
Boy: Main keha pajaami te hor v sohni hai.....

Arz kitta hai..

mathe te lahu.. sir te ret..
WAAH!!
Gaur karnaa..
mathe te lahu.. sir te ret..
kyonki..
Sajnaa ne phull maareyaa..
GAMLE SAMET..
WAAH!! WAAH!!

Ki hoya je lag gayi usnu mehndi,

aapaan v sehra sajaawaange,
saanu pata si oh saade naseeb wich nahi,
hun usdi choti behen fasaawaange.

Aap kaise hain,

main yahaan kushal mangal se hun,
ab aapki tabeeyat kaisi hai,
gaaon mein barsaat hui ki nahi,
aur maaji babuji kaise hain,
gudiya ki padhaai ke liye paise ka intezaam hua?
bahu se kehna sabhi ka khayaal rakhe.
abhi zameen ka batwaaraa hua ke nahi.
kajaariya gaai kaisi hai?
chaupaal par kusroo chacha ko mera jai raam kehna.
bitiya ki shaadi ke liye paise jodna shuru kar do,
ab sayaani ho gayi hai.
tumhaaraa dooor ka paas waala dadu.
Jawaab dena.

Birds + sky = lovely day

Forest + Animal = nature's gifts
Stars + Night = romantic night
You + Your Smile = Hai rabba..tussi v na bas, daraa hi dende ho.

Ik munda ik kudi de piche kaafi der ton jaa reha c.

Kudi: Ve taenu samajh nahi aaundi,
teri maut hai ajj taenu bula rahi,
taenu darr nahi lagda,
meri bebe v piche-piche hai aa rahi.
Munda: Asin aashiq haan khaandaani,
saade bajurg v apna farz nibha rahe ne,
oh vekh teri bebe de piche,
saade bapu ji v aa rahe ne..

Naalaayaki ki 3 Nishaaniyan:
1. Hamesha free SMS padhte rehna.
2. Mobile incoming per lambi baat karna.
3. Neeche mat padhna.
Jo baat manaa karo wahi karna.
Two Great Facts in this World:
Fact 1: You cannot touch your lower lip with your tongue.
Fact 2: After reading fact 1, many idiots would try it.

If i was a painter- you would be my Painting..

If i was an author- you would be my Story..
If i was a poet- you would be my Poem..
But unfortunately, i am a cartoonist.

Tum achche, imaandaar, sanskaarwaan,

sunder, sushil, sabhya, dimaagdaar
logon se dooor rehna,
warna woh bhi bigad jaayenge.

Nigaahein kisi se mila kar to dekho,

dil ki baat kisi ko bataa kar to dekho,
sab aayenge khud tumhaare paas..
lagaataar ek hafte tak nahaa kar to dekho.

A rose is always a rose

whether in golden pot or dustbin.
Same way you are always my friend
whether you are in
central jail or mental hospital..

Hum dooor sahi..majboor sahi,

par yaad tumhaari aati hai,
tum saans wahaan par lete ho,
par badboo yahaan tak aati hai.

Main tumko chaand kehta magar

usme daag hai,
suraj kehta magar
usme aag hai,
socha tumko bandar keh du..
magar us kambakht mein bhi dimaag hai.

You are
-sweet like tom
-cute like jerry
-naughty like bugsbunny
-clever like aladin
-happening like ballu
-welders like mougli
Tussi to chalte-firte cartoon ho!!

Apne dimaag ko test karne ke liye

Cow ke saame sir karke khade ho jaao.
Agar woh dooor jaaye to samajh lena gobar hai,
agar paas aaye to bhoosa hai,
aur agar na dooor jaaye aur na paas aaye
to samajh lena khaali hai.

Hi..jaane-anjaane mein agar maine,

aapka dil dukhaaya ho ya kabhi tang kiya ho,
ya jo-jo bhi kiya ho, us-us ke liye,
aapse jo ho sake kar lo,
MAINE NAHI SUDHARNAA..!!

100gm mitti,
10gm kankad-pathar,
25 types ke keede-makode,
5gm makdee ke jaale,
50gm ghaas.....
Don't be surprised!
This is the CT scan report of your brain..

Five roses just for you

because you are a special person:
1st rose - for friendship
2nd rose - for trust
3rd rose - for wealth
4th rose - for happiness
and the last 5th kaan par lagaa lena.

Nazar jhuki to paimaane bane,

sharaab bani to maikhaane bane,
koi na koi baat aap mein jaroor hai aisi,
yuhin to nahi pagalkhane bane.

Kaaju, baadaam, akhrot, pista, kish-mish..

all dry fruits are tasty but
they are nothing in comparison to you..
Because abey KHAJOOR teri baat hi kuch aur hai!!

Kabhi hauslaa bhi aazmaa lena chaahiye,

bure waqt mein muskuraa lena chaahiye,
agar saatve din bhi khujli na mite to..
aathve din nahaa lena chaahiye.

Grahambel found telephone..

Edison found electric bulb..
Marconi found radio..
Columbus found america..
tu bas mobile nu angootha maari ja, Nalaayak!

Sometimes i forget to ask how are you??

Sometimes i even miss to say you Hi!
Sometimes i forget to message you.
But it doesn't mean that i forget you..
i m just..
Lazy like you.

Tohra mukhra..Chaanda ke samaan..

Tohra rang..Chanda ke samaan..
Tohre baal..Chanda ke samaan..
Aur Chanda..Hamaar bhaisiya ka naam..

The first testicular guard

was used in cricket in 1874 and
the first helmet was used in 1974.
It took 100 years for men to realize that
brain is also important.

Fizaaon mein tum ho..

Hawaaon mein tum ho..
Bahaaron mein tum ho..
Ghataaon mein tum ho..
Dhoop mein tum ho..
Chaaon mein tum ho..
Sach hi suna tha..
Shaitaani Aatma ka koi thikaana nahi hota.

Eyes are good friends..

See together,
weep together,
close together.
But when a girl comes,
one eye starts blinking.
Moral- A girl can break good friendship.

Dil ka tamaasha dekha nahi jaata,

toota hua sitaara dekha nahi jaata,
apne hisse ke saare sms aapko de dun..
mujhse kanjooso ka khaali inbox dekha nahi jaata.

Hands up! This is a robbery!

Handsome guys, move to the right.
Pretty girls, move left.
Ugly ones, go to the centre.
Hey you, Yes you..Don't pretend to read the sms,
go to the centre.

Aankhon mein sharaafat..

Chaal mein nazaakat..
dil mein sachaai..
chehre pe safaai..
Phir kyon na kahe
har ladki..
aapko bhai!!

Paagal ki 3 nishaaniyaan:
1. Bewaqt miss call karna.
2. Paagal sms muskura kar padhega.
3. Neeche mat padhna
Jo kaam manaa karo, paagal woh zaroor karega.

What is meant by ABCDEFG..?

A Boy Can Do Everything For Girl.
GFEDCBA means..?
Girl Forgets Everything Done & Catches new Boy Again.

Tavye par pada popcorn uchalta kyun hai..?

Socho..
Ha..Ha..Ha..
Khud baith kar dekho,
pata chal jaayega!

Meri yaad aaye = Yaad Karo

Zyaada yaad aaye = SMS Karo
Aur zyaada yaad aaye = Phone Karo
Aur bhi zyaada yaad aaye = Milo
Us-se bhi zyaada yaad aaye = To please jhooth bolna band karo.

Hi jaan .....
kahaan ho jaan .....
kab miloge jaan ....
miss u jaan .....
i love u jaan .....
zyaada khush mat ho..
aur har blank ke aage "war" laga ke
sach pata kar lo.

Bijli + Baadal = Saavan Aaya

Baaraat + Baja = Dulha Aaya
Phool + Nazaare = Vasant Aaya
Aap + Aapki Hasi = Bhago Bhago..Bhoot Aaya!!
Gadha har waqt udaas kyun rehta hai..??
?
??
???
22 terian tu hi jaane..

Galileo: Great mind.

Einstein: Extraordinary mind.
Bill Gates: Brilliant mind.
Me: Master mind.
U: Never mind.

Last night I had a dream.

I was walking along on a beach with GOD.
I asked him, why i m having a friend like u?
GOD replied: it's all ur back life sins..

I want to say something now..

IL
I LO
I LOV
I LOVE
I LOVE Y
I LOVE YO
I LOVE YOGA.
It's good for health.

A child uses its thumb 2 chew,

an illiterate uses his thumb 2 sign,
a winner uses his thumb 2 show victory,
but a monkey is using thumb to read this sms !!!

Girls are like Internet Viruses,

they ENTER ur life,
SCAN ur pockets,
TRANSFER money,
EDIT ur mind,
DOWNLOAD their problems,
DELETE ur smile, and
HANG u forever..

Mera dil itna bada hai......

itna bada hai.........
itna bada hai.........
itna bada hai.........
chal rehne de, tere mobile ka screen chota hai..!
Elephant, cow and donkey arguing on
who is the best.
Elephant: I help to move heavy loads.
Cow: I give milk.
Say something, ya ya its ur turn..

Some facts about ur life:

1. Any similarity between u n a human being is a pure coincidence.
2. I don't know what makes u so stupid but whatever it is, it works.
3. I heard u got a brain transplant n the brain rejected you.
Plz don't thank me for insulting u.
It was my pleasure!

When i was sad u were there,

when i was crying u were there,
when i was unhappy u were there,
now i hv understood
ki saare fasaad ki jad tu hi hai.

KBC dweetiya!!
Chaliye aaie, aap aur hum is khel ko khelte hain.
Q: Nobody's like U, coz u r:
A: Fool
B: Monkey
C: Idiot
D: Mental
kya kahaa, 50/50 use karna chaahte hain.
Computerji plz do galat jawaab mitaa dijiye,
aur hamaare saamne rehne dijiye
1 sahi aur 1 galat jawaab.
B: Monkey
D: Mental
so u want to use ph. a friend lifeline?????
OK.....call me i'll tell u!!!!!!!!!

U've good Style,

U've good Class,
U've good LOOKS,
U've good Face,
U've good Charm,
U've good Brains,
oops Sorry
galat number per msg bhej diya.....

In a jungle two tigers running,

four elephants sleeping,
five crocodiles waiting,
ten parrots flying and
one lion sending message
to a cute chimpanzee.

Aisa hai rishta hamaara:

Main kishti, tu kinaaraa,
main dhanush, tu teer,
main mutter, tu paneer,
main baarish, tu baadal,
main raajmaa, tu chaawal,
main hot, tu cool,
main april, tu foooooooool!!

Woh taaza thanda paani,

woh khushboodaar saabun,
bathroom shampoo ki bottle se saja hai,
tum kya jano, dear.......
roz nahaane mein kitna mazaa hai.

My sweetheart,
my kuchikoo,
my nonumonu,
my golumolu,
my darling,
my cutipie,
my jaanu,
my lovely,
my heartbeat,
my sweetest,
DOGGY is missing dikhe to bataana.

My eyes-Miss U
My feelings-Luv U
My mind-Calls U
My life is U.
I'll die without U.
I LUV U..........
aisa teri friend mujhe bolti hai
SAMBHAL USKO.

Om namah shivaaye
on sai ram.. waheguru..
jai shri krishna..
daro mat, kisi ko bhejna nahi hai..
khud hi jap lo paapi.

No visits..
No calls..
No sms..
No emails..
No letters..
No missed calls..
No nothing..
i m worried.....
kya hua?
zoo waalon ne fir se pakad liya kya?????

Main Bewakoof
Main Bewakoof
Main Bewakoof
Main Bewakoof
Main Bewakoof
AAHISTA BOLO...
Yahaan tak aawaaz aa rahi hai..!

Yeh jo hasino ke baal hote hain,

ladkon ko fasaane ke jaal hote hain,
pee jaati hain saara khoon ladko ka,
tabhi to hoth itne laal hote hain!!!

Kitnagussaaataahaijabkoibinaspaceskesmsbhejtahai
aurkitnamazaataahaijabkoibewakoofaankheinfaadfaad
karussmskopadhnekikoshishkartahai
aurfirmuskuraatahai..

Sirf..
Sirf..
Sirf..
Sirf..
Sirf..
Sirf..
Sirf..
Disturb karna tha.

Teri dosti ki roshni aesi hai ki,

har taraf ujaala nazar aataa hai,
sochtaa hun ghar ki bijli katwaa doo,
kambakht bill bahut aataa hai.

Kal ek sapna dekha ki

Swarag ke ek bade se haal mein
Bhagwaan Ji ne sabko apne paap likhne ko kahaa.
Maine likhna shuru hi kiya tha ki
tum chillaye-"Xtra sheet plzz....."
Is sms ko saare kaam choad kar mat padho,
is sms ko aap baad mein bhi pad sakte ho,
yeh sms koi joke nahi hai,
yeh sms bahut important bhi nahi hai,
is sms mein mujhe aapko kuch kehna nahi hai,
yeh sms thoda lamba jaroor hai,
par yeh sms kuch khaas nahi hai,
par mujhe is baat ki samajh nahi aati
ki aap is sms ko aise dhyaan se kyon padh rahe ho.
Yeh sms to maine waise hi time paas ke liye bheja tha.
Ab aapko mere par gussa aaya hoga,
par main kya karoon,
mujhe bhi kisi ne aise hi bheja tha.

Jaam kadwaa hai

per itna bhi nahi ki peeya na jaye,
zindagi mein gham hain
per itne bhi nahi ki jiya na jaaye,
maana sms ke charges hain
per itne bhi nahi ki kiya na jaaye.

DL9CN5875
DL08AS7724
DL03AA2305
DL08EE0026
HR011A0900
PB05AD2001
CH03AA5432
Itne gaur se kya dekh rahe ho?????
Kal subha in sab gaadiyon par kapdaa maar dena.

God is so wise that He created friends without a price tag

because if He did, then i couldn't have afforded u...
5-10 paise ke sikke aajkal kahaan milte hain!!

Who is Hot?
It's U.
Who's Charming?
It's U.
Who's Sweetest?
It's U.
Who's Smart?
It's U.
Who's Darling of Millions?
It's U.
Zyaadaa udo mat, yeh message mujhe aaya tha..
Aapki shaan mein arz hai:
nazar bhar ke dekh liya hota
agar tamanna thi daraane ki,
hum yun hi behosh ho jaate
kya zaroorat thi muskuraane ki.

Tum paas aaye,

Yun muskuraaye,
apne 32 daant,
mujhko dikhaaye,
dekh kar mera dil
phoot-phoot ke rota hai
yaar tumse BRUSH bhi
theek se nahi hota hai.

Jo is sms ko padh raha hai woh...........

Cute......Intelligent.........Cool
nahi hai to kya hua
jisne bheja woh to hai!!

Kitne haseen hai aap,

khud ko duniya ki nazar se bachaaya karo,
aankhon mein kaajal lagaana kaafi nahi hai,
gale mein neemboo-mirch bhi latkaayaa karo.

Attendance..
Pappu- Yes sir
Bablu- Yes sir
Tinku- Yes sir
Gullu- Yes sir
Ullu- ?????
Ullu- ?????
button na dabaao, present lagaao.

AyzazypzykyzaTyzizymzyebyzazyryzbzyazyd
kzyazyrzynzyatzyhzyakyzayzrdzyiyza..
Confuse ho gaye..?
y aur z delete karo aur padho..!

Hi stupid, hru?
Gussa na ho yaar,
STUPID means:
Super
Talented
Unique
Personality
In
Demand
Samajh aayaa??
Smiling now, u stupid!

U are a DOG.
gussa ho?????
DOG means Darling Of Girls
Happy?????
has rahe ho?????
sach mein kutte ho.

Jab tumhe uparwaale ne tapkaayaa hoga,

bahut mazaa aayaa hoga,
hansi di bachcho waali,
surat di bholi bhaali,
mizaaz diya cool..
per dimaag gayaa bhool..!

Ab tak meri life ek khuli botal thi,

jisme se sab perfume ki tarah ud jaata tha,
par aap ke aane se sab kuch ruk gayaa,
Bhagwaan kare aap jaisa DHAKKAN dost sabko mile..!!

Aap mein n coke mein kya similarities hain.....

Both r sweet, cool, easily available n
sabse badi similarity......
DHAKKAN!

Some things I like about u.....

1. ______
2. ______
3. ______
4. ______
5. ______
Arre kuch to achcha kiya hota zindagi mein!!

I like you,
I like you,
I like you,
I like you,
very much,
I really like you,
Kyunki...........
Gita mein likha hai-
Paap se nafrat karo paapi se nahi.

I met 7 angels & they wanted to meet an intelligent person,

I gave them UR Address.....
Dekha, unko kaisa Ullu banaayaa!!

Bhoot ka beta apni maa se bola,

Maa, main kitnaa daraawanaa hun..?
Maa boli- Beta tu to fir bhi theek hai,
unko dekh jo yeh sms padh rahe hain.

Kal dekho bhool na jaana,

subha jaldi uth jaana,
taaze paani se nahaana,
fir humaare ghar aana,
aur zor se aawaaz lagaana,
JAI SHANI DEV......

Gabbar: Arre o sambha.. yeh sms padhne waalaa

insaan hai ki langoor..?
Sambha: Sardaar agar reply kiya to insaan..
nahi kiya to langoor.
Abhi pataa chal jaayega.

New punishment for mobile owners

missed call karne ke liye kaala paani,
sms karne ke liye faansi,
call karne ke liye umar-quaid
But u need not worry,
Kanjoos ko to ek lakh ka inaam hai.

Aapki yaad mein maine kalam uthaai,

liya kaagaz aur aapki tasveer banaai,
socha tha dil se lagaa ke rakhoonga use,
par woh to bachchon ko daraane ke kaam aai.

wxy wxy wxy

wxy wxy wxy
wxy wxy
nahi samajh aaya..?
ulta karke dekho.
Jab seedha nahi samajh aaya to ulta kya khaak samajh aayega.

Have you ever seen a monkey wrapped in polythene?

NO???????????
OK then see ur "IDENTITY CARD".

A : u r active
B : u r best
C : u r cute
D : u r my dear
E : u r excellent
F : u r always first
G : u r great
Sorry Z tak jhooth bolne ke liye time lagega..

Purushottam shri Ramchandraji ko lanka safar ke liye

500 bandaro ki zaroorat hai.
499 pahoonch chuke hai.
sms milte hi turant niklo.
JAI SHRI RAM!

Please send ur bio data 2 hutch.

You will get a good package.
Plus a chance to come on tv.
Apply soon.
Bcoz hutch ka kutta job per nahi aa rahaa,
nayaa chaahiye..

If people say u r Crazy, be patient.

If they say u r a Monkey, relax.
If they say u r Stupid, be cool.
But if they say u r smart,
thappad maar saale ko,
mazaak ki bhi koi hadh hoti hai.

Doctors and nurses are waiting for an operation of a mental.

But operation not yet started..
Becoz mental patient busy in reading sms.
Jaldi padho.

Ever since I met u,

i learnt a lot of things from u,
i didn't understand how and why?
then today i heard the proverb,
"Wise people learn more from FOOLS."

Taraste hue teri girlfriend ke haathon ne,

teri kalaai ko chua hai.....
jaise uski dil ki dhadkan pooch rahi ho,
"Bhaiyaa, time kya hua hai!!

Tawe par padaa popcorn uchaltaa kyon hai..

?
???
khud baith ke dekho, pataa chal jaayega.....
Tera blood group kya hai, urgently call karke bataa.
Mere dost ke kutte ka accident ho gayaa hai,
Dr. ne kahaa hai ki kisi aawaara kutte ka khoon chaahiye.

Ek msg roz, keep d friends close,

ek din mein paanch, dosti per na aaye aanch,
ek din mein bees, tu pehle ek to bhej battmeez.

Let me test your maths

(u can read only one time, OK)
2+7
+9
-5
+4
+8
-2
+5
-4
+8
-7
+2
Q: How many times you pressed the button..?

Bhagwaan teri umar lambi kare!

Bhagwaan teri shaadi jaldi kara de!
Bhagwaan tujhe khush rakhe!
Bhagwaan tujhe barkat de!
Yaad ho gayaa??
TO chal KATORA uthaa aur shuru ho jaa!!!!!!

Who said English is easy? Fill in the following :

1. ..... I don't have a BRAIN.
2. ..... I don't have SENSE.
3. ..... I am STUPID.

Year 1924..
March..
wednesday..
23rd..
evening..
6 O'clock..
32 mins..
53.52 secs..
Nothing happened.
U carry on ur work.

Your brain will be refreshed in the next Five seconds...

5...
4...
3...
2...
1...
LOADING.........
ERROR: No brain detected.

Oh sms! jaake meri dost ko " I MISS U " kehna.

"SAVE" kare to "shukriya" kehna.
"DELETE" kare to "bevafa" kehna.
Aur agar "naa padhe" to us se "1 rupyaa" le lena!

Skin ke liye mausmi ka juice,

baalon ke liye santre ka juice,
sehat ke liye anaar ka juice,
khush rehne ke liye SMS kiya kar kanjoos.

A scientist cannot be a president but Kalam did it.

A conductor cannot be a superstar but Rajini did it.
A monkey cannot operate mobile, but u mere lal..
mind blowing..u did it..

Really you are marvellous, affectionate, noble, naughty,

unique, natural, nice, intelligent.
In short Mannunni.

Any idea about this number:

9876543210
oorkunille..??
marannu alle..??
poyi LKG yil irikk..!
It's 0 to 9 in descending order..

Who said english is easy Fill these blanks with yes/no:

1. ____, i don't have a brain.
2. ____, i'm stupid.
3. ____, i'm not human, i'm donkey.
SmIlE pLz

Shaitan ne kaha kisi nek insaan ka number do,

apun usko tang karega.
Maine aapka number diya to shaitan bola:
Abey, marwayega kya?
Yeh to Boss ka number hai.

Miss call kyun maari?

100 me se 99 bewakoof iska jawaab denge aur
ek samajhdaar aage forward karega.
Try on your friends.