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Today i woke up in the morning with a sadness..i sat in the bed for 10 minuts..my
mother asked me what r u thinking ...i said nothing....the people who ar not
familier to me but talking to me all the time to my mind..i too talk to them....they
woke me early morning....i asked them why u woke me up this much morning....i
aksed them whether my exboyfrind is there or not...they said he is sleeping...he is
also with them...i used to talk him also...some mechanism is in my
body...ya..yesterday night u know what happend..we did that....i dont know how
they are doing that...they made me erotic ..i felt those feeling in my senses..not
really but..its there..i tried to finish it off..but i couldnt..they were doing
something..i tried but i couldnt...i told them ,pls stop doing this..let me
complete..they dint do..so i decided to sleep....thats what happend
yesterday...today..i saw a beautiful girl in the bus..i told them how beautiful she
is..they also agreed..y u r looking only girls....no boys..are u a lesbion..they
asked..i laughed...the girl next to me stared at me..the reason is the no reason
laugh of mine...
F R I D A Y, A U G U S T 2 9 , 2 0 0 8
M O N D A Y, S E P T E M B E R 2 2 , 2 0 0 8
this week was horrible..u know ,they are doing something in my body,and i m
passing urine everywhere ..i cant control myself....every where it is urine...my
mother took me to consult with a doctor..the doctor asked to chek sugar
level..they took blood and checked...no sugar...because of the fear about
dibetics,my mother cut short my sugar intake...i dontlike sugarless coffe or
tea..then i asked them pls dont do this..u cando what ever except this..they dint
listen..but after one day's horrible urination,they stoped...thank god..and i
realised that urination out of control is how horrible and emabaressing...that
fellow who are talking to me have a good voice..that i m listening for the past one
year.....what are all the things that i could face in this small life..
nothing but a simple incident...i told u they keep on talking to me..but they never
interfere inmy sleep...this time,the day i was in my hometown,they asked one of
my cousine to irritate me emotioally...so she did...their gang done it so...they
asked this team to watch me all time in the sleep,in the night,day all tim...they are
keep ontalkng to me..that day when i was in my new house..i was in sleep after a
bitter experience,.....my mind was not in good mood...in the morning they asked
me to,shall we do soemthing for u,because u dint acheive the goal that u
deserve...i woke up early morning by hearing their voice...can u show me agirl
with this kind of experiene ever in the univers...but i am
W E D N E S D A Y, S E P T E M B E R 3 , 2 0 0 8
morning..they made a great dream ...i was in sleep...it was about a great torturing
..the heroin was me..i couldnt complete that dream actually..before that they
woke me up..they dint talk to me..i thought did they go or not..but...becouse of
that dream they kept silent..they thought i would have asked about that..but i
forgot about that....then remember again...i dint ask about that dream...by the
way to the office i asked about the delivery...have u seen a delivery ever..i
asked..he said,the invicible said..ya i ve seen it when i was born.....i was delivered
by my mother..so i v seen it...i laughed in the bus agian..pasengers looked at
me....i stoped luaghing....
T U E S D A Y, S E P T E M B E R 2 , 2 0 0 8
Blue wear
today morning,they did somethng to make a dream..i was sleeping...every
morning they are doing this...this morning,the dream was about an exam...i think
they wanted to know what will be prominent in mymind...so they are keep on
dreaming every morning...(may be they wanted to prove that early mornig
dreams are simply not going to happen)...ya..in the bus we were keep on talking
..today when i stoped talking,they asked me to talk...when i sang they told dont
sing..i obeyed their orders...then i saw a bus with lot of paintings on its body..i
asked them which color do ulike the most..they said...nothing..which color do u
prefer me to wear on my marriage..they said..wear what color u like..again i
asked..they said..we like blue...i said..i wont wear blue..i dont like to be watched
like a blue film throught the marriage ceremony...u guys are like this only..u
always like blue....then they said..u dint understand or what throught these
days..we are guys..i think we keep on proving that...i laughed in the bus agian..the
conductor looked at me.....i stoped
no conversation today..
T U E S D A Y, O C T O B E R 7 , 2 0 0 8
this week till now nothing specially happend...normal days..i m withdrawing from
my mood..the pain that i had during last week's incident is reduding day after
day...everythin is goin smoothly...today i read meenakshi reddy madhavan's
blog...feeling good after reading all...theose people are keep on talking to me...i
asked my exboyfrind to come and meet me...he is in the town..as if he is talking to
me through this malintent mechanism..he is the other fellow are the two people
talking to me..talking in mind..mind whispering...i think they too talking using
their mind... i think my mother is a little bit more close to me..they might be
scared of a suicide of one of their daughters..may be because of that they are
showin much more closeness to me...
what a terrible life..hell here in my mind..as lucifer in the nightmare
PA RT Y
F R I D A Y, N O V E M B E R 2 1 , 2 0 0 8
what are they doing?its the ultimate question that one can ask to me ...the
question that i can answer now....i m the one who is suffering all....no change at
all...everthing is goin as usual...yesterday when i was taking bath,then i asked
them have u seen anything...they said we have seen everything....i said while u
inserted that instrument,you would have seen everything.....i know i know..they
said dont tell to anybody..i said ok..i wont tell to anybody.....dont u know how
much i suffered...they said for that only......they giggled...party is still
there..talking to me...they said now manasilayi...for that only....my ex boyfrind is
there not talking to me...yesterday i chat with him ..he is still talking to me in
hurmour...i m glad a bit....thats all...
T H U R S D A Y, N O V E M B E R 1 3 , 2 0 0 8
His birthday
today,his birthday is today.i wished him through this mechanism.i dont know
whether he heard it or not..but i wished..he was my boyfrind.my exboyfrind...i
loved him alot..he too loved me alot..anyway we separated after 2 years
relationship..i left that place he too left that place..and time took our love..now
both of us are escaped from that bonding...and i will be the first person who is
wishing her boyfriend through this mechanism in the entire world...no where else
it is using i think....thankful to this mechanism for the first time....and still there
is remaining love in my mind i think..i love u my dear ex....
envy of them
the cause of this torturing is simple ..the envy of my cousin..so they hired the
party and started torturing me...she just wanted to destroy me..my mammy is so
sad about this incident..she is just sad...still she is saying everything is ur
hallucination...that medicine is not enough or what...need to take more
medicine..why dint u tell to that doctor about ur hallucination..but i know
everythingis real and they are torturing me..i m waiting for that day .the day im
goingto mash him ..after the marriage of mine they will leave me i hope..waiting
for that day..god me let me to do that also
S U N D A Y, N O V E M B E R 9 , 2 0 0 8
postmortem-dream
T H U R S D A Y, N O V E M B E R 6 , 2 0 0 8
Veriety Of Smells
Today morning they made bleeding..i scared because i wasn't prepared...i rushed
to the bathroom after i reached my office and kept a pad in my underware...i m
relieved...then i came back to my seat..their old way of torturing by making a
smell in my nose,instead of this they made a sweet smell in my nose...i m so
happy..suddenly they stoped that smell...i told my party,"please put that smell,pls
pls pls...okok party told..kept that smell..i m happy for a while....party is some
way nice man..but he is extreamly naughty also...he is telling he is not 65..but i
think he is in his 50s...i like him now..i gave lot of kisses to my exboyfrind also..he
is out there talking to me..sometimes i give kisses to party also..then he said i
have wife...i dont want ur kisses..i laughed in the middle of my office...my
collegue asked me that do u have any problem?i laughed again at her...she dont
know what are all the things that i m undergoing....i said sometimes somehow i
have problems..she too smiled at me....
Actually what happend you know,its them ,them only forced me to write this..its
my story...they ordered me not to tell anybody..what had happend and what is
happening...i cant live without saying this to anybody..so i decided to write..
usually raining here is kerala is heavy during october...but this year it is very
less..the rain it is only for three days...i belive strongly its because of
them...becase they tortured me..thats y the rain stoped...its them the party
people..
today i woke up early.listened to their voice..but nothing heard..a happiness filled
in my mind..they left me.i thought...usually they will say somehting like
kollamayirunno...they ask me about the dream they made for me...they can do
whatever they want...everything they want..i was just like a experimental object
for them,i think like that....it was not actually experiments..its proved ,tested
mechanism ,what they had inserted inside my body two year back..but i m not
able to remember when they inserted and how and where they inserted that
thing..unknown to me...unknown to everybody in the world except them and my
parents..my parents know everyhting..even then also they tell me, u r
hallucinating everything...nothing can inserted in the human body...i wont belive
them..becase i m the one who is keep on talking with them...angry at
them...throwing foul words at them...i m the one who suffering those stupid
dreams by 2.30 am in the morning...i m the one who is suffering the pains in
various parts of my body..i m the one who suffering the forced urination ..usually
wet my pijamas when i reach my house..walking with that sound by the touching
of each side of my paijama...(now they are keep on teling you wont go to
america..we will block it if u write all of this..i never mind them)..i m the one who
suffering the forced bleeing ...but sometime they made me erotic..and they create
some dreams filled with sex..i enjoyed these two things..they started this very
recently..so before that it was pure torturing...this is for the brief
introduction...Normally there will be a question arises..why and for whome they
are doing this kind of strange and most secret torturing...the answer for why they
are doing is still unknown to me..byt the other qustion for whome they are
doing..its for my cousin..he and his sister didint like me...i m considering as their
enemy...their forever competitor....what they wanted to see is my
destruction,...can you imagin a purposefully destruction of a girl....what they are
doing is that...for that they are using what i had done when i had a boy frind..and
what are all the incidents that is emabarressing in my life...
T U E S D A Y, N O V E M B E R 4 , 2 0 0 8
ho..i escaped from the grasp of a big octopus...grasp is still there..but it not
biting....talking talking...nothing..today suddnely i felt that men are not part of
my life..they suddenly made me erotic ..i thought about my ex boyfrind ...then
they said..men are for life..we just wanted to feel u that all..i sweat ..thats
all..anyway,theyare trying to do lot of things and doing also...one night i wet my
bed...they did that..morning i found my bed and my undergarment got wet..i felt
so angry at them..who gave them this kindof right...may be the government..hi hi
T U E S D A Y, D E C E M B E R 3 0 , 2 0 0 8
they dont want me to share this thing with anybody...but now blog is being
shared with one guy..
so did something yesterday...tendency to go to toilet ..i was not in not that
situation to go to toilet...i triedmy maximum to control myself..machine Vs
woman..how can i ..i was not walking through the road ..i was trying to fly to
reach my house...i successfully reached my house fortunatly..then i rushed to
toilet..what are all the man made problems that i could face..the machine here is
the thing that been inserted into my body...they can do whatever they want
yes atlast i decided to write a book..the book -the incidents happend in my life
within two years..it may be funny in one view but it was serious for me in the
other side...the things that happend to a girl withing one year is really interesting
rite..it is interesting,but i v gone through an ordeal in life..i would have suicided
in between the incidents ..but fortunatly or unfortunatly i survived..can u imagin
a girl without any problem in mentally is taking medicine for mental
relaxation..(he is saying Pavam )..some people can change a girl'd life ever
purposefully..like the changing of a silent river to a roaring one suddenly...
it as unbelivable...i survived ..now it is again a little bit calm.....a job gave back her
life again..otherwise i would have died ..previous job took her but the next job
gave her life again...i v changeda lot now..in brief
T H U R S D A Y, D E C E M B E R 1 1 , 2 0 0 8
Today morning
Today morning they made a dream for me....i was asleep..but i dreamt about
sambar and rice...the onion was as whole as it is...it spread over my rice..i
surprised ..then suddenly my dream changed to some kind of chasing by some
people..and they sexually abuse me..but i enjoyed it in the dream..suddenly i
woke up..party asked me something..kollamayirunno..i said..kollam...then they
said dont tell to anybody..i said ok...i asked him whether my exboyfrind is there
or not..he said he is asleep.....i think its their routine to get up early...and making
dreams for me..or they compel mymind to dream ...how they can do this..really
surprising....i m enjoying somehow...but its ridiculous...my time is the best time
ever a girl can born..i thought......they do all kind of disturbances in my body..by
ticking,scratching etc..no other dont have this kind of experiences...my fate
W E D N E S D A Y, J A N U A R Y 2 1 , 2 0 0 9
today i got feisal's mail ,he is telling that its global phonomenon..no escape
actually...torturing a person is considerin as a life time acheivement for them..so
no escape from this torturing segment...cant tell to anybody,or sharing about
this..anyway its a global phenomenon ..wht to do..anybody can suggest anything
for this ..i v no escape from this problem...no escape..no escape i think...foever
bearer of this torturing segment...rest in peace my soul
S U N D A Y, J A N U A R Y 1 8 , 2 0 0 9
I dint tell u about feisal know..its one of my mailing friend..who is one of the
victim of mind control mechanism..we have several conversations through mails.i
asked several questions to him..he answered all..like when did they leave me and
how do they insert it inside my body like several questions...today he ansered the
ultimate question that i v asked him..they wont leave me it will be there until my
death..they wont leave the victims..i got desperate like anything...you know what
is i m thinking now ?i just want to leave my body that all..its there inside the body
no...how can i escape..shall i suicide ?
T H U R S D A Y, J A N U A R Y 8 , 2 0 0 9
The Men inside My Walls (means The mind controllers (the goverment agency
here in kerala in my case) )
The Hostel
the hostel which i stayed was a hell..there around 100 students were staying...all
are in different age groups...there i was the center of attraction....they created
everything in inner meaning...my mind was changed at that time...they wanted to
change my mind so whatever they created effected my mind....i couldnt read
anything with proper concentration...they demonstrated whatever i had
experienced in my previous days....i couldint tolerate anything..i was in utter
confusion at that time..my room mates was haunting me...in all moves..they
wanted to clean the bathroom and all..so i did everything ....
fucking dreams, interruption during the dreams even commentary from the walls
of my rooms, surprisingly my walls are saying the names and incidents that
happened in the dreams(there are some invisible people living inside my
walls..talking to me is my hobby..their's too )
.something happened to my memory..calls from everywhere..regarding
proposals.becase my parents were looking for a perfect match for me....me..my
mind got traped these days...whatever i m going to think is getting to whome are
in my bedroom walls..hi hi...i couldnt even sleep properly....dreems
everywhere..during day times also..i think they are really enjoying..i think they
are awaiting for my day dreams...when they are getting time to sleep.?..(still they
are watching me,the way,and what are all i m writing..telling pani kashinju(she
got an end)anyway its really interesting ,dramatic,mind churning expereince for
me...like our mind is in a mixie jar....how it will be...i tried to stop myself thinking
..i mean tried to put a seat belt around my mind..it was an utter useless
try..controlling mind is the most hard working and ridiculuos task that one can
do in the entire world..because they were talking to me with its maximum..im
controlling not to think about the past ..(if i remember the past they will ask
about that that..and i cant tolerate the embarresment at that time infront of my
exboyfrind)atlast i found mind is an mischevious kid..out of control....i went for
taking bath..simply laughed and finished bath...then i angry to my mom..she is
always curious about me..wanted to interfere even my personal matters...i hate
that..especially mothers are not supposed to interfere in their children's personal
matters..i think
some magics.Now i can hear the voice of one of my friend Ratheesh ...nothing
harmful in this week..taking bath with lot of comments like ooommm....ur boobs
are beautiful... pour a little bit water on ur body..its not yet clean pour a little bit
again.... they told me from the walls..they are not only in the bedroom walls all
the wall where i am standing..fine and strange experience(i really enjoyed ..i
think no other girls never experienced before in the whole universe ...talking to
the men inside my walls ..they are responding as well...)i m really mad i
think..they (i mean the walls) wanted to prove something infront of me... i dont
know for what...may be they might be paid from other invicible fellows for
interrupting my soul and mind.(i thought it may be like that otherwise nobody
would do without a reward ).only internally...externally i m perfectly alright ...but
my mind vigerously conversating with the men inside my walls...sometimes my
mother noticed my smile without reason....and the loud laugh ..thats y they
decided to take me to a doctor..a psychologist..Dr.Seetha..when i was in the
doctor's house, a girl with angry faced was sitting beside me.in the waiting
room...and when i told them that she is cute and is she really sick?they replied
that ask her herself...i stoped ...lot of sick people were there..exactly the same
persons that are participatin in the drama they are playin around me....kavihta's
new family...and all...really got sick ...i m not going anway ther anymore..(you
know why those invicibles around me,i have one cousin named kavitha..she is
jealous of me..so she and her brother did this to me..those invicibles are a
torturing segment than a funny thing..you know how i happend to think like that
,all the things are matching for their wishes and according to their minds..)
doctor told me what i was feeling those days...exacty the same things they are
trying to make me feel i mean the men inside my walls...ok..then i came out after
the consultation,i asked my mother whether she got prescription for her
sicknes..she was sick at that time..i asked her to consult with that doctor..she lied
to me that she has got priscription,as i realised she was lieing, i tore the
priscription and threw it away.....they were keep talking to me ..somebody is
constantly following me everywhere...nha pinne..this week was full of sorrows...as
the way i was in the bus,they were there...and in the bus they were talking to
me...the bus conductor,everybody was irrirating me,...u know something is inside
my body...they are making koo koo sound when i am writin this...i want to kill
them..like a mic in my mind...i m not even able to think..they are capturin
instantly what i am thinking even befor me..i dont know..y...and Mr.Ratheesh is
gettin tired of me i think....(they are tellin she got an end..)..somemore funny
incidents too...i m really sometimes enjoying..soimtimes gettin sick...and more
over i took the previous dose ofmedicines again las night..beacuse last time
Dr.Seetha gave me a strong dose ..i was relly calm yesterday..today i m losin
again...but not fully, half(the dose is half no hi hi hi) i m keep talking with
them...if i have a hammer in my hand ,i would have killed them instanly those are
inside my walls.....they are forcefully inside my walls...actually what happnd u
know...i asked them while i was watchin a movie in my pc,,i felt some irritation
on my breast...i aksed them, are you doing something..they told me that it is due
to the tightness of ur bra..ok...i laughed
all the time it was working while i was sleelping and walking and eating..all the
time..my inner garments went wet all day...and more overe they can sense me lot
of foul smels too,,.. horrible....nothing enjoyable except when they ordered
do it ....i mean masturbation...ok..that time i enjoyed..my nipples went hot and all
it was enjoyable....asked me to do even i was taking bath...they wanted the way
how i do it usually...i think they are keep watchin me....they are gettin all the
things from mind...like a mic set in the mind...or sitting in my mind
....exactly.....nothing more happnd...still as a prisoneer...the last proposal was
funny...a sex machine shaped bufffello came to meet me...little bit oil all over his
face...i think that might be the last (they are hacking those fellows minds
according to thier needs)
again an option from their side as a groom..i think they got
exhausted...anyway...me too exausted.....that they showed me their mail
shauvanism...i never care about that...i think something they wanted to prove
infront of me....i dont know what it is
it was funfilled but little bit tensed week..u know mammy was compelling me to
eat me those stupid mental tablets.,...hardly succeed...i threw them away
tthrough the window to the heavy rain..it might be vanished in the heavy
water..the monsoon carried those small yellow and white oval shaped
tablets...anyway...simply she cried for no reasons...i mean i found no
reasons...she might had some reasons......those people on the walls are still
there...like a telepathy technique...talking talking all the times....simple talkings
...while watching tv shows to even at the time or bath....they are talking
talking..Somthing something.. i think they were keep on laughing of hearing my
nonsense...some more techniques too they tried...i said yes...i dint mind too..as
revenge they sqeezed my utrus..i think so...blood came out with some clots..(i
think those people are very interested to watch how i handles those situations like
all other girls do) ..every morning they did it...my first duty was washing my
underware and changin the pads...i dont know...simply just for their fun i
think....all came on the talk reality show...when i was cutin my nails i told them u
know it is hardly difficult to find a nail cutter here...even a dining table is
dissapearing from here then a nail cutter.. i heard a loud laugh from my
walls....they switched of the mic and switched on in between......they made me
feel the smells differing from wine to stool....and more over there i found some
butterflyies on my konna tree.........i took some photos not clear anyway....those
characters inside the walls are still watchin me out there...i gave the coolest man
inside the wall as appukuttan.....no mind no feelings...same sound all the time..no
modulation or frequncey change in his voice...same feeling like catchin fire on an
ice...he is the mediator to talk..lot of othes too there i think.....i like that mans'
voice....mammy is in blue all the time...i went to church today....then i sat behind
replica of kavitha.(u know who is kavitha ..its another story..she is the same age
of me..she is jealous of me and because of that her brother wanted to proove my
family something that they are great people )..priest preached about all...peter the
apostol as the rock...symbolises the kavitha's family...kavith's family wanted to
prove something that they are as rock....i dint listen the whole...then i understood
that its story of understanding somethin to me ....so how could it be changed
from their path.(the story of revenge and betrayal chapter-thats passing from
generation to generation especially in between the family of farmers who have
photos of 6 or 8 generation of great grand fathers and great grand
mothers)....they are keep on telling oh poor meera.. oh poor meera..i dint
understnad still....one day evening i lost my control...(i dint take the tablet)..i
fired kishore with all foul words in my vocabulary...i heard the sound of kishor
from the walls (the conversation is only by minds of each others) ..it satisfied me
a little bit..
nothing specially happned...nha u know how the great appukkuttan's life changed
to be the one among the men inside my walls..when i asked them they told the
secret ,how they became men inside the walls...once he loved a girl..then the men
inside the wall came in his life becouse of some other jealosy invisibles...(may be
because they might be so jealosy by seeeing their love..his father was dead..he
and his father was enemies..so that invisible person would ask the men in the
walls to torture him..anyway atlast they got married..he said..did u do that before
marriage..i asked him..he said yes..i giggle as an early tean)
In Trivandrum just for a reminder what happened last month I mean in April
after the job in infopark ,actually the men inside may walls was playing a
torturing segment in that office..they didnt like me as a professional or working
somewhere...
they insisted ravi(he is one of my frind) to take me to trivandrum,he was working
in trivandrum..and he offered a job in that office ..so as i lost my job from
infopark ,i decided to join with that company..(u know y i lost the job i teased
kavitha ...she was actually jealus of me...so she and her brother charted a
planning session for torturing me...using their invisible fellows ..i dont know how
they got connection with this type of mind hacking invisible fellows)
it was a big trap..it was not for a job purpose...
it was for the that torturing segment......there they wanted to prove
something...they even made situations like thretening me...i quit the job for just
for an escape after a month..because i wanted an escape from the mental
torturing by saying about my personal life ..initially i thought what they are
telling is public...i was sweating all the time because of embarresment ..i thought
whole of the things was telling infront of others....thats why decided to quit the
job...i knew the men inside my walls can do magic ..they can influence others
too..like my parents and all others without their knowledge,,,they will do
whatever as the men in my walls wanted to do .they are magic people..but i know
its their ultimate interfere in my personal as well as professional matters..
even before an escape my father forcefully asked to take me from the hostel,and
in the bus their people where there to tell me what happend(actaully it was in my
minds ...not in the bus)...i felt really embarressed by hearing everything infront of
my father...you know what are all the things they told..my life before i worked as
software professional,and how i do sex with my boyfrind..ya i didint tell that ..i
have a boyfriend..his name is deepak....but i have no plan to marry him...working
in bangalore as software engineer..what they were telling is what we had did in
our personal moments...my parentes well aware about my relationship with
him..and now they wanted me to go from here also...but i dont wanted to go ..y
they are running behind me...what they want..may a mental torturing...
i dont want anybody behind me....i said several times to them...
(in between my mammy and brother asked me to delete this scap...but i
deleted,fortunately it was there in the desktop...when i restarted it...)
in trivandrum,
my hostel was near Amballoor temple....a famous ambalam near vishinjam and
kovalam...
everybody is participating in this incident..i had 5 room
mates.....bilkis,bindhu,meenu,reshmi...and me...the last candidate...
here meenu was the replica of me....her duty was imitataing me as the men inside
my walls are telling.i told u they can catch the minds which one they wanted..they
caught all the mind of my roommates(pattikal still they are watching
me,commenting me....)
as usual,i thought all the hell is got over.....i was in a happy mood actually..new
environment....good condition(i dint know that they were just about a start)
one mother was ther around 72 yr old...she was good in all sense...she was
handling all the girls out thereroom was okey....everyhting was alright
in my office everything got upside down...the intention of that appointment over
there was the same as continuation of that toturing out there
from infopark....from the second day itself,started the whole....they purposefully
took leave all the candidates after noon
u know for what..for going out....me and Ravi left we too had no work..so we
decided to take a leave....actually in his mind his intention was to bring me to
shanghumugham beach.....
(u know now i am writing under the bedsheet cover,in my system,the whole thing
is covered,the system,me everything with my sister's bedsheet)outside the
bedroom my mammy is threatening me
by breaking my system....she is forcefully asking me what i am doing is wrong or
not...i told them its true....(they just wanted me to tell what i am writing is
wrong....)but i understood...still those kids are playing outside,their minds are
also captured by them..
they are telling their(men inside my walls) decisions just to hear me...what ever it
is....
ya where we stoped....shanghumugham beach...(i was in a thorough chek up they
are even watchin me even i am taking bath....as i told u earlier)
there is a statue of a nude.....Ravi purposefully showed me that statue..(their
intension was to prove that i had sex with my boyfrind...)
(outside myhouse one ambasidor car sound horn..i felt it so..everything
happening is inside my mind) its a symbol of threatening........just to remind
me....
whatever i had no experessions at that time ....during office time i was
concentrated only on my work....eventhough i realised they are still there.....( i
dont know y there are running behind me)
after every day at office they are giving me jackfruit..(symbolising the sex life with
my deepak because of the smell it have ..represents the foul smell of the sex life of
an unmarried girl....during nights they dont want to me to sleep...they made
noices by beating on the cot using hangers...
i cant slept for about one week....i was in an immense pressure......they were
telling all about my sexlife..that we had shared ..as an unmarried girl how can i
agree that we had sex ..what they wanted was i should agree that we had it....i
didnt agree ....
after the completion of one month.....when the day came the day i decided to
leave kerala...they asked my parent to pick me .....from the hostel...
here they are putting music according to the incidents happened in my life...i was
sweating like anything...
they are keep playing .....the last day.....
why those people are running behind me......
they are simply making things worse and they are simply running behind
me.....what they wanted to tell me is telling through my neighbours and kids
surrounding this area..
after i wrote till now current has gone...(i think everything is well planned,they
initially thought i m gonna suicide,then they thought that i will inform the police
or the media)
any how nothing going to happen.....the neighbours around me started saying
about some matters.. about my past..anyway....then my mom gave me my old
pendent...the one shaped as 'j'
then u know what happend...after i switched off the machine i went to kitchen
there one of my neighbour was waiting with the jack fruit(symbol of bad smell i
think...symbolises the past of mine..the smelly past of mine..sex before marriage
is banned in kerala.the society here is still in the well..may be there will be a
change in the future)
.
whan i went to the sitting room there was a seed of jack fruit was waiting for me..i
kicked that seed's ass ..it stopped its spiinning near the boundary wall.....
anyway...my family members ate that jackfruit....they like it very well.....then my
brother asked me to clean the toilet( i was the only cleaner of bathrooms
,throughout my hostels..may be some kind of compulsions my room mates
wanted me to do that...the magic of the men inside the walls)..in my bathroom it
was some blood clottings (it was new out there...i was very much aware of
that..and more over i understood everyhtin is doing by them only. u know what is
the solution they r telling..they wanted to make me in a good condition..but i dont
wanted to be like that........i don konw how they r doing ,..anyway they are very
much fast
then our imagination,...lot of hands to help even to disapear an elephant instantly
without evidence...making others mind acting accoriding to their wishes without
their knowledge)anyway i cleaned the toilet without hesitatioan(i used to the
cleaning part..initialy it was tough for me)..
by that time current has come and my brother started searching for the file that i
saved...anyway he found out and started reading and my mother also wanted
chek whether it contains any natural disasters or something...(but what they are
doing is absolutly nonsense...)....
some missing parts like the news in the papers and all they are trying to match
with the situation indirectly..but the actual news in the paper is regarding other
things..but indirecly resembles my matters..
my damn fate to be here in this trap.....why these people are running behind
me...i dont know.........
W E D N E S D A Y, J A N U A R Y 7 , 2 0 0 9
mouse hunt
for the first incident that i v noticed based on the stalking of the government is
that ,one day i reached my house from the hostel where i was working.that time
the heading of the popular malayalam newspaper was the mouse hunt of a
cat,based on the munnar issue in kerala..when i reached there,my neighbour was
telling that there is a big mouse around here we are about to hunt the mouse..i
surprised i got nothing from that statement ..it means that the mouse they
mentioned is me ..the cat is them,..so it is mouse hunt..now i am realising what is
meant by their statement...surprising stalking a innocent girl by a big party
without anyprovocation...(they are telling because of a minister they had done
this).whatever its over i think..i suffered alot thats all
in between the work they are telling remotly that they are hungry let us go for a
snack...i heard it i m amased..for the first time i m hearing this kind of
conversation .usually they talk to me ,tease me , harrase me ,anwering my thougts
etc.for the first time i m hearing this kind of conversation..i surprised..what a
people are they ..i smiled in between.akbar near to me stared at me..why this girl
is laughing he might be thinking like that..whle writing this , they prik on my
nose and a tickling feeling in my arms..i said stop this..then serious talk to my
exboyfrind,i asked him could u do a favour for me ,i have a cousin he is doing all
these ..can u beat him for me..make him a paste i told him...he laughed at other
side..he said let me think..i said you are not loving me..then i stoped the
conversation..moreover that my cousin's family is making roumers about me,that
i m not praying anything ,i disobey my parents, i go to sleep during prayers..they
told to all of my relatives..i lost my patience..
T U E S D A Y, J A N U A R Y 6 , 2 0 0 9
F R I D A Y, J A N U A R Y 2 , 2 0 0 9
unimaginable to him
F R I D A Y, F E B R U A R Y 6 , 2 0 0 9
my attitude now
Atlast i realised the truth ..they wont go till to the end...so i decided to cop up
with their decisions and their wishes..today when they started to itch me..i fell on
party's feet imaginarily and told him we are a team dontdo anything
wrong..please..please dont do like this..how long are you been doing like this..am
i a human being..he dint tell anything...we are a team dont forget that..somehow
some kind of happines and on the other side the feeling of losin the myself and
my freedom of my soul..like peeping through the key whole to somebody's room
forever...and the happienss side is like a invisible partner forever..hoping they
will express their opinions in future...
T U E S D A Y, F E B R U A R Y 3 , 2 0 0 9
i m so sad now..i asked my frind that he have any connection with this kind of
torturiing people..he said that he doesnt have any connection with this kind of
people ..its pure jelously i told to him..i was in a good hope that he could do
something..unfortunatly..i m lastin one of the victims as others..forever...all have
gone through such a torturing....i think frinds never be frinds forever its just for
time being..as one of my frind told me...suffering forever suffering..suffering
forever suffering...suffering forever suffering..i could not stop typing suffering
forever suffering...suffering
M O N D A Y, M A R C H 1 6 , 2 0 0 9
i wont forget the travelling in our car..my uncle also was in that car...we four,my
father,and me,,my uncle,and the driver.i think my uncle got instructions from
them directly from space..my uncle was telling about what are we did during our
love life...they wanted me to agree with what they are telling...how can i agree
with all..i dint agree anything..my uncle was telling about what we had done
during those daysthey made something in my body ..my tension level increased
by them..they wanted me to agree with them what i had done during those
days....i cant even breath..i thought of lieing on my father's lap..but i
couldnt..they made my physical condition like that...i thought of going to hospital
in between..after two minutes an abulance passed by..i saw that...i surprises..they
stoped the care near a bar...just to remember me that we had drunk during those
days...they dint stop any condom cellin shop..fortunatly..if it so they can make it
out that i had done everything during those days..i m really thankful to them for
stoping near a condom shop...atlast i reach the aiport..there i came out from the
car..suddenly everything changed..i got my body back without that extream
tension state...i met my sister in the airport...they sent lot of people to us..they
were telling lot of things and was threatening me ..soemone stared at me and
shaked the toy dog on our car..i scared..whether they will kill me instantly or all
these people are going to do something against aus..and we travelled to our
house..4 hrs travelling distance from that ariport..till i reached my house they
were telling about what i v done during those days.i was seriously think whether
my mother knew allthse or not..my condition was worst...
T U E S D A Y, M A R C H 2 4 , 2 0 0 9
Atlast we decided not keep in touch with each other..i wrote a separation mail to
him.
whatever,i never ever mentioned that its u behind this satellite surveillance...its
them..very rarely happenind in and around the world..like me lot of victims...i
was like hunted day and night by some people..at that time most of the men
would have run in and around..that time only i distrubed u...i wanted a relief
from anywhere..thats all,...can u imagin being haunted all day for about 2
years..what do u think...still my parents are crying what happend to me....i
decided to end my life several times..but i never had courage to do that...once i
tried but failed...i dont want to tell more...bye...i never told that its u behind it...i
dont like to keep touch in with u ok..bye..that all..i m fed up with all..everyday
they mentally assaulted me and crack crackers near my house..even the day i
agreed we had like that and all..if i dint agree they physically assault me so i
agreed after several days..they tortured me very badly..(i heard ur voice in my
skull for aboout 9 months..u were talking to me..i know its not u..they were doing
somthing there ...so u could have think about my mind..my cholestrol level
increased ...blood pressure increased...fortunatly i dint become a diabetice
patient..i dint die of heart desese fortunatly...i dont have nothing to tell more
about this events..they even changed the hormons also..now its growing hair
under my chin like u people..i m shaving daily..(have to do somehinglike
electrolissis or soemthin)i am stoping here everyhting..i wont disturb u
anymore...bye(moreover,there is no pj joseph and all..its like that only the
present government would do that..which ever party it is..i v lot of contact now
with victims like me..a very few malayalis and some people from other countries
and out of state also..now only the picture clear..it will be there until my
death..the person who do this to me is my cousin..i dont knw where he knows
everything or not..i dont know more than this...i m expectin a day will come...the
day i will escape ..let us hpe for the best..i will inform u if u escape from tis..u r
the one who suffered all know thats y..i wont disturb u anymore...bye..hope u
would remember that day)..ninne njan kurre upadravichu alle..sorry..ini
upadravikkilla