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Karla Hernandez-Wood Ms. Patroni English 111 9/25/2013 Final Draft Narrative Essay Running Away From Myself Everyone has experienced regret, whether it is an old man regretting how life has passed him by or a child regretting rash words. I used to always say, You do what you do and it cannot be undone, so why bother thinking about it? but I was young and had no real life experience. In this way, I was reminded of Lady Macbeth from Hamlet, she said whats done, is done after Macbeth killed the king but later when guilt and regret started to eat away at her she said whats done cannot be undone. I know how she feels; I made a terrible decision that I spent months trying to justify until, at last, I accepted it and could not change anything about the past. I could only learn from my mistakes. I ran away from home for four months, its a mistake that I made out of anger and desperation and at the time I thought it was the only way for me to be happy. Running away affected every part of my life from my loved ones to my future. Mistakes are essential to growing in life and regret is expected but its what you learn and how you change that make regret worth the while. I have had a difficult life filled with depression, disappointment, and a lot of hard times. After sixteen years of it, I thought I just couldnt take it anymore. I met this guy who said he could change everything for me, give me all the things I never had, and love me no matter what.

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I put all of my trust and faith in him -to be honest with me and it was an extremely foolish thing to do, but at the time, it was my only way out. One week before my 17th birthday, I packed some clothes, some jewelry, and anything with sentimental value and wrote a letter to my mom telling her why I left. I texted my friend Heather and told her what was happening and reassured her that I would be okay, - just in case no one found my letter. I got picked up in the school parking lot, and we drove all the way to Louisiana, I was about half way there when my dad called me. After the first call they came in by the dozens, all of my friends and family were leaving me messages asking if I was okay, wondering why I left and why I didnt trust them to ask for help. It broke my heart into a million pieces but I still tried justifying my actions even though the seed of regret had long been planted. I spent a long time missing my family, I cried almost every night at the pain that I caused them and at the loneliness I felt. The man who was supposed to take care of me ended up hurting me instead. I was a constant victim of verbal and physical abuse, and I was too far away from anyone to feel strong enough to leave. I dreamed of my family waiting for me back at home with open arms and open hearts ready to receive me, but when I opened my eyes, all I had were nightmares. I didnt think I would ever see them again, and that was the worst pain of all. I got away after only four months, but to me, it felt like an eternity. The things that happened to me damaged my self-esteem and outlook on life in ways that I can hardly explain. I couldnt look at love the same way, after trusting someone so fully and having him break who I was, I stopped dating for love and started being cold. I couldnt look at myself the same way either,; - I had fallen so far emotionally and intellectually. I pushed myself to be hard and focus only on my school work; I had no interest in having friends or allowing anyone to be close to me other than family.

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I tried very hard to shut my family out; I didnt want them to see the pain that hid just below the surface, but they saw the changes anyway. They saw how different I acted, how I didnt want anyone to touch me, how I refused food and locked myself away. It hurt them that I couldnt talk about what happened, but it was in their best interest. They would have never been able to look at me the same way and I didnt want their pity. In the end, it only hurt me more to keep it locked inside. While I was gone things changed, my mother was a wreck and my brothers were so broken and angry that I left. My whole family seemed to be at war with each other trying to distribute blame for everything that had happened. I moved in with my dad so history wouldnt repeat itself, but that only caused more problems between my mother and me. She was quick to blame everyone except herself for my leaving and refused any responsibility causing me to be short tempered with her. The rest of my family were just glad to have me back. My brothers filled up all of my free time, and I saw a few friends, but it wasnt like it used to be. There were gaps and space between us that couldnt be filled with laughter because all of the happiness that I had was taken from me. It took me a while to get over the empty feeling that came over me whenever I spoke to anyone; it took a little longer than that to get over the worry and pity I saw in other peoples eyes when they looked at me. They tiptoed around anything that had to do with my absence or school or boys. It felt like I was made of porcelain, and they were so afraid that I would break. Looking back I can understand their reaction and almost appreciate it, but I didnt then. The only relationship that was strengthened during my absence was the one I had with God. I prayed every night while I was gone and He never left me stranded, without Him I wouldnt have gotten stronger in my time of weakness and wouldnt have become wiser in my time of foolishness.

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I was ending the second semester of 11th grade when I ran away. Technically, I dropped out without any chance of graduating on time. When I came back, it was almost time for school to start and I had no clue what I would do. On one hand I could restart the 11th grade and graduate a year late with dignity, or I could take the easy way out and get my GED. I chose to get my GED and started studying right away. My brothers started school, and I began to rethink my decision, the way I saw it I had already messed up when I ran away and I wasnt about to make a mistake like that again. So two days into the school year I told my dad I wanted to go back to school and he signed me up right away. I like to think that he was proud of me for making the decision on my own. I had really screwed up in school before that year, I would graduate, but I had no plans after that and no one to push me. My dad was all the push I needed when I lived with him. I made good grades and had a plan for the future by the end of that year and even though I had just gotten over the worst mistake in my life I wasnt going to let that hold me back. Living through what I did made me realize that I was too smart and had too much potential to just give up. When it came to school and the future my mistake made me stronger than I had ever been and more determined to succeed and prove myself to the world. Mistakes are essential to growing in life and regret is expected, but its what you learn and how you change that make regret worth it. I learned a lot about life and people while I was away but I learned even more about myself. I had a real chance to grow and understand how the world worked through the terrible decision I made. I learned that family is so important and that they should be cherished no matter their flaws because no one will love and accept you like they do. I learned that people arent always what they appear to be, -but God will always be there and He will never lie or hurt you, and throughout everything, I can always count on him. I learned

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that inner weakness isnt bad and neither are mistakes, they must be embraced and built on to make a better person.