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Copyright ! 2011 by Dale Goodman and Marriage, Inc.
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0ne of the most effective ways to keep communication open is by avoiuing "You" messages
anu insteau using "I" messages. "You" messages tenu to put the othei peison on the
uefensive, making that peison feel accuseu, guilty, oi to blame foi an unpleasant situation.
"I" messages, howevei, shaie what's happening insiue of the speakei without piesuming to
know the intentions oi feelings of the othei peison. "I" messages aie helpful in woiking
thiough a sensitive issue. "You" messages aie too often communication blockeis.

Below aie thiee examples of tianslating "You" messages into "I" messages. Then, theie aie
six moie "You" statements foi you anu youi paitnei to conveit youiselves, anu then
compaie anu uiscuss youi iesponses with each othei.

1. "You" message: You uiive entiiely too fast.
"I" message: I get fiighteneu when you uiive so fast. Woulu you please slow uown.

2. "You" message: Can't you evei iemembei to wipe youi feet.
"I" message: I feel unappieciateu when I have just moppeu the flooi anu then I see
muuuy footpiints.

S. "You" message: You nevei stay home any moie.
"I" message: I am lonely when you aie gone so much in the evening. I feel at the
bottom of youi of piioiities when you aie gone so often.

4. "You" message: You make me mau when you walk away when I'm talking.
"I" message: I feel huit when I am tiying to talk anu you walk away.

S. "You" message: You'ie late foi suppei as usual.
"I" message: _________________________________________________________.

6. "You" message: Will you evei leain to hang up youi own clothes.
"I" message: _________________________________________________________.

7. "You" message: You always leave the uiscipline to me.
"I" message: _________________________________________________________.

8. "You" message: You'ie going to iuin us financially if you uon't stop using oui cieuit
caius.
"I" message: _________________________________________________________.

9. "You" message: You nevei notice what I weai.
"I" message: _________________________________________________________.