Love Systems Insider

Date: November 2009

Getting Started - Comfort

You enter the comfort phase once she is attracted to you and you've convinced her that you are
interested in her for reasons she thinks are valid.

In other words:
• You enter comfort as soon as you both accept that you are attracted to each other.
• You leave comfort (and go into seduction) as soon as you escalate to sexual touching.

Comfort is the missing ingredient that allows you to convert mutual attraction into sex. Comfort
changes her from "I want him but I don't know him well enough" into "I want him."

Sounds easy, doesn't it? By itself, it is. Most men can make a woman feel comfortable with them
if they're not trying to have sex. (Sex comes in the seduction phase, so don't worry about sex for
anything in the comfort phase.) However, you have three things working against you:

1. You never know how much comfort is enough. Not enough comfort before you shift into
seduction, and you're a horny loser. Too much comfort before you make a move, and
you're a pussy. This used to be a big trap for guys, but there is a way to work through
this.

2. You can't focus only on comfort. If you spend all of your effort making her feel
comfortable and safe around you without maintaining the tension and intrigue that you
created in the attraction phase, then she'll get bored and you'll lose her. On the other
hand, rocking the tension too high in comfort will feel awkward and out of place, and
will also destroy any comfort you've built up.

3. You have to escalate touching. This is important preparation for seduction. In the
seduction phase, you will obviously need to be touching her in an increasingly sexual
way. You may have figured that this is seduction, and that you don't have to worry about
 physical escalation while in comfort, right? Wrong. It's hard enough in seduction to shift
from non-sexual touching to sexual touching. It's infinitely harder in seduction to shift
from no touching at all to sexual touching. You're setting yourself up for failure in
seduction if you don't do the groundwork in comfort.

So, how do we build comfort and defeat these obstacles?

• You get points for just being there: You build comfort with a woman by being in
situations with her where you could theoretically try to escalate sexually with her, but
don't. If she can sit on your couch without you being all over her, that will build comfort.
If you can grind with her on the dance floor without grabbing her ass, that builds
comfort.

• Speed things up with multiple venues: Boy takes "Girl A" to the park. They have a
picnic and hang out for 6 hours. Boy takes "Girl B" window shopping, then they grab a
bite, then they go to bookstore, then they have a drink, all over a 6 hour period. Which
girl is more likely to be "ready?" Girl B. She has seen herself in more situations with the
guy, and therefore feels she knows him better.

• Make YOURSELF her source of comfort: Imagine that a girl invites you to a party. It
turns out that she knows "everyone" and that you know "no one." She leaves for a few
minutes and you awkwardly meet her friends while attempting to make a good
impression, but it's still stressful not knowing anyone. Then she comes back, and you're
relieved. Then she goes and you're uncomfortable, etc. If you've been following along,
you can see how useful this is in reverse. Bring her to places where you're the center of
attention. Make her work to win your attention. By working to win your attention, by
being happier when you're around than when you're not, by trying to make a good
impression on your friends, she will be following behavior patterns that she is
accustomed to following when she's interested in someone. Making her follow them with
you solidifies her attraction, while building comfort.

• Be genuinely interested in her. Remember, she won you over in qualification. You
don't need to be so dismissive anymore. Now that you're in comfort, it's expected,
normal, and attractive for you to ask her personal questions about herself. On the other
hand...
 • Don't stop being a challenge. Keep the romantic/sexual tension going during the
comfort phase. At appropriate times, you should still tease her, disagree with her, etc.
Once there is no tension, the interaction becomes boring for a girl.

The comfort game requires a lot of subtlety and mental dexterity. The high-energy flair in
attraction isn't really useful here. To some extent, comfort is where you "be yourself" – or at
least, be who you want to be – and let her learn about you, while you do the same with her.

If this isn't easy, don't worry. Like the other phases, it needs practice and intuition.

ADVANCED SECTION

Jealousy Plotlines! Use this one with caution. It's a necessary element in the toolbox of any man,
so you will need to know how to do this effectively with 9s and 10s. However, this is a really
easy place to make mistakes, so practice the basic elements of comfort first.

A jealousy plotline is used to make your target woman feel jealous of another woman, or
women, who are interested in you and to whom you are neutral or interested.

You can introduce jealousy plotlines directly or indirectly. Here's a brief example of a direct
jealousy plotline: I take Sarah out shopping, and happen to run into Amanda on the street.
Amanda is quite attractive, gives me a big hug and a kiss on the cheek, and when leaving tells
me to call her so we'll go out for a drink - it's a direct plotline because it's happening where the
target (Sarah) can perceive it. An indirect plotline would be when out shopping with Sarah, I
mention that I have to be done at 6, since a friend of mine is cooking me dinner. Sarah knows
that guys don't make plans to cook each other dinner, so she knows it's a date - instant jealousy
plotline.

Done properly, jealousy can do a lot of good:

• First, it acts as a trigger for a woman's "pursuit" switch. A woman can be enjoying an
interaction, not really thinking about it, until a feeling of jealousy hits. At that point, she
can't deny to herself that she wants you. She'll try harder at that point, and in trying to
seduce you, she will want you even more.
 • Second, jealousy is a strong feeling. Women like strong feelings and going through a
range of emotions. Feeling jealousy and then feeling relaxed and then feeling confused
and then feeling happy has much more of an effect on a woman than just feeling happy.

• Third, jealousy will make your job in seduction much easier. She knows you have
options, so withholding sex becomes counterproductive for her. She knows you can just
get it somewhere else. Also, she knows that other women are staking their claim, so she'd
better move on you before it's too late.

• Fourth, jealousy can create comfort for a woman who dates a lot. Many attractive women
are always casually dating a small number of guys when they are between relationships.
A woman might find it more comfortable to date someone in the same situation as
opposed to a man who is focused solely on her and who doesn't have other options.

This being said, nothing can totally kill a good interaction with a woman as quickly (and
irreparably) as a poorly executed jealousy plotline. Here are some hints:

• Less is more so don't overdo it. Let her imagination do the work for you. "I have to stop
off and pick up some wine; a friend is coming over for dinner," is infinitely better than
"my hot 21-year old neighbor is so in love with me, she keeps calling wanting to come
over; it's really nice." The latter betrays insecurity.

• Make it "accidental." Doing anything that makes it look like you're trying to make her
jealous will backfire. Don't talk about another girl unless there's a reason for it.

• Respect social norms. If you're on a date with a girl and you run into another girl, it's
okay (good, actually). Introduce her to your date, and talk for 5 minutes. It's not cool to
go off for 20 minutes with her and leave your date alone. This would display social
awkwardness. Similarly, brushing off the "other girl" would make your date feel like you
have something to hide. Greet the "other girl" like you would a good friend that you
hadn't seen in a while. Take it from there.

• Make sure the jealousy is warranted. If I'm on a date with Tammy the supermodel,
bumping into my friend's dorky kid sister Gertrude and being all into her won't create
much jealousy. You can help this - intro the "other girl" by telling your date cool things
about her, the same way you would if you were talking to two women and your male
wingman showed up.
 • Don't ever – EVER – be jealous yourself. She had a sex life before she met you. If
you're attracted to her, other guys are too. Get over it. She will mention other guys,
sometimes in passing, sometimes to test you. Don't ask leading questions (as an example:
"Did he stay over?") or try to learn more (example two: "So, this guy you're dating..." in
an effort to see if she contradicts you over the word 'dating'). Just cut the thread and
move on.

It's important to develop a good intuition for different situations. Unfortunately, this only comes
from experience. So get out there and try this stuff. Try it over and over until you "get it."
There's no feeling in the world that's better than the first time you make a new tactic or skill
work when picking up a beautiful woman.

Resources:
• Magic Bullets
• Savoy's Relationship Management DVD Course
• Interview Series Volume 3 - Storytelling
• Interview Series Volume 34 - Female Psychology
• Interview Series Volume 45 - Introduction to Comfort

http://www.lovesystems.com/newsletters/getting-started-comfort