Once upon 2011 when magic was around there was a little girl named Cinderella,

Cindy for short who lived with her mother and father. When she was 12 her
mother died in car crash. 5 years later. “Cindy I’m getting married!” Said Cindy’s
dad happily “That’s great dad, um to who?” said Cindy wanting to know.

“You know.” Said Cindy’s dad “um” said Cindy “the one I’ve been dating.” Said Cindy’s
dad “oh but why her?” said Cindy “because she is just BEAUIFUL!” said Cindy’s dad
“she is just a bit BEAUIFUL than my BIG PIG’S BOTTOM.” Said Cinderella quietly
so her father couldn’t hear. For the last 3 months they were getting ready for the
wedding then findly the day came. The song started and everyone stood up and the
bride came in. Cinderella’s was giving her away. When they were coming down the
lane the lady tripped over. She picked herself up and stared beating up the guy
next to her. Cindy mange to get her off the guy. Someone in the crowned shouted
“boo!” she gave a long look at the guy. When they got to the end of the lane the
man started talking. Then they got to the end the man said “Ray, do you take…um”
“Woodrow cranky” said Ray “Sorry Woodrow cranky to be your wife.” said the man
pulling a face

“YES!” said Ray “Woodrow cranky do you take Ray to be your husband?” said the
man “yes but call me W.C.” said W.C. “you may now kiss the bride” said the man
then Ray and W.C. kissed. At the end W.C. through her flowers but no one wanted
the flowers so they were left on the ground.

The next month.

“Draing, Cinderella come here.” Said Ray

“coming.” Said Cinderella then she stared walking up the stairs. When she got up
to her father’s room her father said “I want you to take this it was your mother’s
keep it safe, away from your step family, it will make life better”

Then he stopped breathing. He had died. As you don’t know that he had been sick
ever since he got married. Cinderella brust into tears. Downstairs the step family
was in Cinderella’s house having a talk. “Did it work, you know the killing stuff in his
tea?” asked Jenny “did it?” asked Ugladoora “yes you can hear it from here.” Said
W.C. “SHUT UP YOU RAT!!!” screamed W.C. then she said ”now we sell this house
and live in our house and Cinderella can be our servant.” Said W.C. Upstairs
Cinderella stopped crying then came downstairs and asked “what do we do now?”
The step family told her the plan that they will sell this house and live in their
house but they didn’t tell her that they will make her the servant.

The next day Cinderella was packing. She packed her stuff and took some of her
Mother and Father stuff to remember about them and went outside to wait for
her step mother. When W.C arrived at Cinderella’s house W.C. saw that she was so
beautiful so before Cinderella hopped in W.C. told her to put on these clothes on.
When Cinderella came back and hopped in she asked “why am I in these rags?”
“Because you are our sevrant no buts I am your mother now and you must do what
you are told” said W.C. When they got to W.C. house W.C. showed Cinderella her
room and left her to unpack. When Cinderella had unpacked she looked around. She
had a huge room. Then she pulled out the gold pearl neckless that her father gave
her. “What does he mean make life better?” Said Cinderella. A tear ran down her
check and fell on the gold pearl then suddenly it lit up then it went back the back
to the same colour it was before. “Cinderella what are you looking at?” said W.C.
“nothing” said Cinderella “ok but here is things to do list.” Said W.C. and gave a
piece of paper to her that she thought that it was the list. Even that it was one
piece of paper it was a long list wrote in little writing. “You start in 5 minutes.”
Said W.C. and with that she turn around went through the door and slammed the
door shut and went down stairs.

As now Cinderella was now looking at the gold pearl again but what she didn’t know
that inside this pearl was magic. Far away there lived and old lady with everything
purple and has wings that flicks once in a while. She was a fairy god mother named
Purpleana. She was in her garden and all neckless, bracelet and ring that had a
fairy on it lit up “its Cinderella I knew she would call Purpleana and she set off to
Cinderella house and it was going to be a long fly there.

Back at W.C. house Cinderella was trying to get used to the new life as a sevent.
“CINDERELLA WHERE IS MY BREAKFAST?!!!” yelled jenny “AND MY TOAST
AND CINDERELLA CAN YOU DO MY NAILS AND MAKE THEM GOOD?!!!!” yelled
Ugladoora “CINDERELLA HAVE YOU DONE THE LUNCHES?” yelled W.C. “yes and
I did the home work and all of my chores.” Said Cinderella in a nicer voice “then go
get ready!” said W.C. in a quieter voice. At school the step sister are mean and silly
and don’t know a thing but Cinderella in sooooooooooooooo good at maths that
teacher ask her really, really hard questions. “Cinderella what is 823x56 half it
+192 -483 what is it answer” said the teacher “4829” said Cinderella “yes well
done, now jenny I think you can answer this what is 1+1” said the teacher “umm I’ve
it is 3” said jenny “no now Ugladoora what is 1+1 ?“ said the teacher “I know that is
easy the answer is 3” said Ugladoora “no your both wrong the answer is 2” said the
teacher “but I said that” Said the sisters together. At lunch time. “Hi there you’re
a pretty lady there what is your name mine is Neil” said Neil in a stupid way “I’m
Cinderella. All day that nerd Neil kept on annoying her and she was thinking “will I
ever get used to this life?”

It is my birthday today you know” said Cinderella “yes and we got you a present and
you can open it now” said W.C. “ok” said Cinderella and W.C. passed her a big
present and Cinderella carefully opened it and looked inside. Inside there was a
duster, broom, shovel and a piece of paper and Cinderella picked up it and read it.
It said: you are 18 and you are our sevent but it is your birthday so you will work
even harder. From W.C.,’ Jenny,’ Ugadoora. Cinderella tried not to show her
disappointment. “Thank you” said Cinderella “don’t say so now get to work!” said
W.C. Cinderella was just going when the sisters came in.”morning girls sleep well?”
said W.C. “yes but I’m s hungry that I could eat a horse.” Said jenny in a posh
voice. There was a neigh and ran away. “it is all right Fred she won’t eat you.” Said
Cinderella “Who gives about that horse?” said jenny “I do and he is such a good
ride.” Said Cinderella “stop talking about the horse and go and do your chores!” said
W.C. and off went Cinderella.

3 hours later. ‘ding dong” went the door bell and as the sisters looked at the door a
note come though where the notes come though and it went flying and hit jenny in
the head. Jenny bust in to tears. W.C. went outside to tell the mailman off but the
mailman made a run for it and W.C. went inside. Jenny had stopped crying but now
she was fighting with her sister for the note. When they were fighting they didn’t
know that they had dropped the note. Cinderella picked it up. Then the sisters
noticed. “give it to me” said Jenny “no to me” said Ugladoora “no to me I am your
mother” said W.C. “yes” said Cinderella and gave her the note. It said: You and your
girls are invite to the ball on Sunday the 12th, good band, good food and the one the
prince choose will get married to him. “O M G!” said Jenny “EEEKKK! HE IS SO
TOTALLY GOING TO PICK ME THE PRINCE WILL TAKE MY HANDS AND WE
WILL FALL IN LOVE!!” SAID Ugladoora “in your dreams” said Jenny “can I go, I
can make a dress?” said Cinderella “Never” said W.C. “and tomorrow night is the
ball and you have to get us ready and plus you have to do you chores” said W.C. that
day flew by and the next day came.

“CINDERELLA COME AND GIVE ME A PUFF WITH THE PUFFER!” said Jenny. As
Cinderella was giving her a puff she coughed. “stop that you’re jealous” said Jenny.
But the puff was so sore on her throat and she just kept on coughing. Then doing
Ugladoora. ”pull harder so it will be tight you don’t the dress to fall down when I
am dancing with the prince and I will be left in the nude.” said Ugladoora “ok” said
Cinderella pulling as tight as she could. “CINDERELLA HAVE YOU DONE MY
SHOES??!!” said W.C. “yes and they look bran new” said Cinderella. At last they
were ready “how do we look?” said Jenny “good” said Cinderella but they didn’t look
good with the ugly dress, yucky shoes and the silly hair style but she didn’t want to
be mean. “now off we go oh wait here is a list for you to do ok now let’s go” said
W.C. as she gave Cinderella the list of jobs to do and left.

As they had just left Cinderella ran to the fire place and cried and cried then
suddenly there was a light from her neckless and from behind her. “stop crying and
turn round I need to get a look at your size so you can go to the bath” said a nice
“BATH??!!” said Cinderella and she turn around and there was a person floating in
the air and it had wings and everything was purple. “I’m your fairy god mother and
my name is Purpleana and I will take you to the ball” said Purpleana “now can you
please go and get me a tomato” said Purpleana and Cinderella went and got her a
tomato and bought it to Purpleana “bitty booty boo oh wait do it outside and turn it
to a…” said Purpleana and the last bit Cinderella couldn’t hear then “POP!!” went a
noise and the tomato grew legs and it ran outside and they went outside and there
was a BIG white carriage “now some cloths bitty booty boo turn her to a …” said
Purpleana and Cinderella turn it to a FORG! “croak” Cinderella kept on saying then
she turn back into a person with a beautiful dress and in a cool hair style and glass
shoes and a gold crown “OH MY GOSH” said Cinderella “I was sent here by this“
said Purpleana and she reached for the gold pearl and took hold of it and then she
let go of it ”now some footmen and some horses got any horses?” asked Purpleana
“yes six of them” said Cinderella then she turn around and yelled “Fred, Lilly,
Sunset, Bobby, Charlie, Ricky” and then six colorful horses came running to them.
“that is good but they have to be white” said Purpleana and then she turned all of
the horses into white. “and now some footmen” said Purpleana and then she said
something then two footmen just popped out of nowhere and they sat on the
carriage “now you have to be back by midnight and then everything will turn back to
how they were before.” Said Purpleana “ok but how to ever thank you?” said
Cinderella “now off you go and be back before midnight!” said Purpleana as
Cinderella hopped the carriage and drove away with Purpleana waving goodbye.

At the ball the prince was looking around to find anyone he wanted to dance with
and he passes the step family and they all stand up and they think that they he
wants to dance with them but the prince just kept on walking then out of the
corner of his eye he saw a beautiful girl and he was just about to go up to her when
he bang into someone and he saw who it was “hi Neil got anyone to dance with”
asked the prince “well Philip I just saw a pretty lady and I bumped into you and
look I’m a prince to’ see.” Said Neil pointing to a paper crown “well Neil you’re not a
prince yet but you might be a prince one day but I must go” said Philip then he
zoomed off to where he had seen the beautiful girl. As the prince was looking for
the beautiful girl and that was Cinderella and she had just bumped into Neil “not
you“ said Cinderella but Neil didn’t hear “will you marry me“ he said “no sorry” said
Cinderella then something grab her arm “will you dance with me?” Cinderella turn
around it was the prince “yes” said Cinderella the prince took her to the dance
floor and they started doing the waltz and the prince said “you are the most
beautifulness lady I have ever seen” “thank you” said someone in the crowd. It was
Ugladoora and she didn’t know that this lady was Cinderella and she said “I want to
know why the prince choose her instead of me……”come with me” said the prince in
her ear and they walked away with Ugladoora saying mean things. They went
outside so no one can see them and they danced all night then the prince said “my
name is Philip and your name is” ding dong went the clock. “I must go” said
Cinderella and she took off down the stair and when she was running her shoe fell
off but she just left it and when she got down to the bottom she jumped into the
carriage and they took off. They were nearly at Cinderella’s house when Pop! The
horses turned back to their old colors POP! The things on Cinderella disappeared
POP! The footmen disappeared POP! The carriage turn back to a tomato and the
horses and Cinderella ran off the road and the prince men drove by and squashed
the tomato. Cinderella looked down and saw that she still had on the glass shoe and
she picked it up and whispered “thank you Purpleana.”

The next day the prince had found the shoe and he had sent out some of his men
to find the girl who fitted the shoe and they would be married the day after. The
step family was fussing around and Cinderella was humming while doing her chores.
As the prince men were trying to find the owner of the shoe but no one could fit it
then finely they came to Cinderella house “ding dong” went the door bell “answer
the door” screamed Jenny. Cinderella opened the door. “hello we are here for you
to try on this shoe and if you fit it you will marry the prince.” Said one of the men
at the door the step sisters ran to get the shoe but W.C. got there first “ I will
try on the shoe first” said W.C. she then tried to put on the shoe but it didn’t work
so she gave it to Jenny then she tried to put it on but it was to small. “WHAT”
screamed Jenny “my turn now I lost it at the ball” said Ugladoora then she put the
shoe on “It fits” everyone said then “ping” the shoe went flying but one of the men
caught it. “But it was my shoe it must of skunked” said Ugladoora “now would you
want to try this on” said of the men “ok” said Cinderella and she slipped on the shoe
and pulled out her one and slipped it on and everyone went down on one knee and
out of the corner of her eye she saw the fairy and she said something then she had
on the thing she had on at the ball the men took her to the castle and she ran up
the stairs to where the prince was and the prince asked her to marry her and she
said yes and the next day they got married and they lived happily ever after.

Rachel this is a very good fairytale. You have a great deal of errors to fix. I have
highlighted your spelling errors. On the first page there are things you need to fix,
I haven’t carried on with the editing as they are the same errors over and over. Go
through the narrative and find as many errors as you can and fix them before I
have another look.