15 I CEBREAKERS FOR A F IRST D ATE (& 5

T OPICS TO A VOID )
First dates can be painfully awkward. Ironically, it seems as
though the more compatible a couple is, the more awkward the
first date can be, as neither party wants to be the one to “mess it
up.” While the most important thing to do is let the flow of
conversation dictate what you talk about next, it can be a good
idea to stockpile a few talking points, just in case you stumble
upon an awkward lull.

THE “YOU” CATEGORY

It is always a good idea to ask people about themselves. It is

everyone’s favorite topic, and the easiest one to discuss. The
following all fall under the “questions/statements about you”
category.

1. Y O U LO O K NIC E
Most people refrain from saying this most basic and fulfilling
compliment for fear that it will sound too heavy-handed or
forced. However, stating the obvious is a must for those who have
never stated it before. It is simple, complimentary, usually true,
and reassures the other party that their hard work has not gone
unnoticed.

2. L ET ’ S T ALK ABO UT YO UR JO B
Everybody has one, and if they don’t, it is a good idea to find out
why. Asking about a job can be enlightening on several levels. By
asking this seemingly surface question, you can find out exactly
how successful and ambitious he is, or lazy and unmotivated.

IMPORTANT NOTE: Be sure to decipher the difference between

somebody who is comfortable in a mediocre job, and somebody
who is ambitiously trying to climb up from their low-paying job.
Just because someone may be behind the curve now doesn’t mean
they won’t be setting the curve in five years. Being able to tell the
difference can be an invaluable skill in choosing a life partner.

3. W H AT ’ S YO UR FAVO RIT E TV S HO W / M O VIE / BO O K ?

Finding out these vital facts can help you to imagine whether or
not you could spend a comfortable night at home on the couch
with this person, or whether or not you’ll have to take turns
sharing the DVR. While nothing from this category should be a
deal breaker, finding out what the other person enjoys watching
should add some insight as to the depth of their character.
4. W H AT KIND O F M US IC DO YOU LIST EN TO ?
For whatever reason, music seems to connect people on a far more
powerful level than any other media. Even drastic differences in
music style preferences can be overcome if two people share the
same passion for music. While differences of music opinion won’t
necessarily drive two people apart, similarities in music taste will
almost always bring two people together.

5. W H AT ARE YO UR LIFE G O ALS ?

Life goals encompass the maximum achievements in career,
family, and hobbies and give a pretty decent insight as to where a
person’s priorities lie. Life goals are the end game in
compatibility, and therefore similar goals (or goals that sound
appealing to you) are absolutely vital.

6. W O ULD YO U RATH ER ?
This drinking/party/sleepover game can be fun for adults looking
to find out a little more about each other, without the pressure of
mechanically exchanging questions. Finding out if someone
would rather be rich or have the ability to fly may not seem like
pertinent information, but the bonding experience can be
invaluable.

7. H O W DO YO U T H INK IT ’ S G O ING ?
Ironically, this question can only be asked when you already
know the answer. And it should only be asked to convey the fact
that you’re having as good of a time as they seem to be having. If
those conditions apply, asking this question is a gem of a flirt that
could lock up a second date before the first one has even ended.

THE “ME” CATEGORY

Talking about you is something that should generally be kept to a

minimum. However, since it is a first date, the other person wants
to hear as much about you as you want to hear about them. By
using these starter statements, you can easily draw a question or
two about yourself without sounding like an egocentric maniac.

1. I H EARD ABO UT T H IS P LA C E
Remember, a broad statement can be enough to produce ten
minutes worth of material. By simply stating that a friend spoke
highly of whatever restaurant you are enjoying, you now can talk
about this restaurant, all restaurants, and the fact that you have a
friend.

2. I T ’ S NIC E T O BE O UT
Stressed from work? Lonely at home? Finally losing that secret
baby weight? Whatever the reason, this statement reassures the
other person that you are having a good time, but that you also
have other things going on in your world.

3. T H ERE ARE O T H ER T H ING S G O ING O N IN MY WO R LD !

While it is important to not sound too cynical or snarky, everyone
loves a little bit of a venting session. Getting some life stresses off
your chest will not only make you feel more relaxed, it will also
make you (and your date) feel much more comfortable and
acquainted in a hurry. Adding familiarity to a relationship where
there is none makes the rest of the night sail smoothly.

4. I’ M KIND O F A BIG FAN O F …

As long as the next words out of your mouth aren’t something sex
related or “Justin Bieber,” you’ll be fine. Chances are good
everybody has one thing they really love, and it’s a good idea to
talk about it just a bit on the first date. That said, be careful not to
dominate the rest of the night talking about your stamp collection.

5. I DO N ’ T REALLY LIKE IT WH E N …

Pet peeves are perfectly fair game for first date chitchat. Be careful
not to confuse pet peeves with deep-seeded political issues
however, as differences in political and religious opinion should
be sorted out later. Serious hot-button topics are best shared on
second and third dates. Remember, this is the audition, not the
callback. Talk about slow drivers and fashion trends, not Barrack
Obama and health care.

6. I H AVE A J O B . H ERE ARE M Y T H O UGH TS …

Just as you need to hear about the other person’s career status,
goals and ambitions, sharing your own is a vital part of the first
date. Remember, this is your opportunity to tell your side of the
story, so be honest. Whether you love, hate, don’t need, can’t find,
or just quit a job, this is your opportunity to explain why, and
outline where you see yourself in three years.

7. D ID YO U KNO W ?
J.C. Penny used to take all of his potential hires out to dinner, and
if they salted their food before tasting it, they would never get the
job. He viewed this as applying a solution to a problem before
confirming that there was a problem. Maybe it was Montgomery
Ward. And maybe it wasn’t true. Either way, don’t be afraid to
bust out some random trivial pursuit skills when needed, to show
that you’re (somewhat) intelligent and well-read.

8. I’ M HA VI NG FU N

Reassuring the other person that the date is going well is the
easiest way to lower defenses, relax tension and get to a
comfortable place in a hurry. Of course, if you are not having fun,
then it is probably a good idea to replace this statement with any
one from the final category.
THE “NEVER” CATEGORY

There are some fast and easy ways to torpedo a first date without
even trying. Busting out any of these gems is a one-way ticket to
awkward-town, and therefore should be avoided at all costs.

1. B LAH BLAH BLAH MY EX BLAH BLAH BLAH …

DO. NOT. TALK. ABOUT YOUR EX. In any capacity. Ever. Do not
say how much they suck, or how much you are over them, or how
much they would lose their mind if they could see you right now,
because no matter what you are saying, all the other person hears
is “I’m still thinking about my ex.” If you are still thinking about
your ex in a manner that simply HAS to be expressed, kindly
excuse yourself and text your thoughts to your best friend from
the bathroom. Otherwise keep it to yourself.

2. I T H INK TH IS M IG HT BE SO M ET H ING S P EC IAL …

So assuming you are not thinking about your ex, and assuming
the date is going phenomenally well, it is important to resist the
urge to say anything more than “I had a great time tonight.”
Pouring it on too fast could turn a fun, low-pressure evening into
a high-intensity booby trap situation that makes the other person
run as fast as they can. Once again, discretion is key, and once
again, this is why God (or possibly Snooki) invented the best
friend bathroom text.
3. D O YO U WANT TO BE A P ART O F T H E FO LLO WING P LANS ?

Making solid plans for a second date before the end of the first one
has ended is risky, but can be done if done properly. Inviting the
date to a party, two concerts, and a wedding is NOT how it is done
properly. Trust that the person is not going anywhere, and that
you can make plans together as you go along. Once again, too
much commitment too fast can be a terrifying thing, even from
someone who likes you.

4. I H AVE A WH O LE BUNC H O F C RAZ Y I’ M WORKING T H RO UG H

Avoid telling stories about the time you followed a girlfriend
home to prove she was cheating on you, or how you found some
girl’s number in your boyfriend’s phone and proceeded to smash
it with a hammer. Even stories about college pranks, drunken
nights, or public dares are better left unsaid. These are stories for
when you have proven yourself logical and sane, not for when you
are still informing others of your dominant traits.
5. Y O U KNO W , WE M IGH T H AVE S EX O N E DAY …

Although the perfect set-up for a cheesy line or sexual reference

may present itself, choose to be classy. Even if you think it is in
good-natured fun, men run the risk of looking like perverts and
women run the risk of looking like tramps. Everybody knows
what might or might not happen later that night, week, or month.
Calling attention to it only minimizes the chances of it ever
happening.

C ONC LUSION :
Although a first date can be a stressful and trying experience, it is
important to remember that a successful first date does not end in
fireworks, symphonies, or wedding bells; a successful first date
only gets you to the second one. When people stop endowing first
dates with the pressure and importance of the next 50 years, they
find it remarkably easy to sit back, relax, and enjoy the company
of somebody else. Doing this makes dates more enjoyable, stress-
free, and successful.