7 Responses for Rapport

PREVIEW
by Tung

www.conversationalconfidence.com

The Most Important Social Skill You Can Learn

Learning how to build rapport at will is one of the most rewarding skills you can learn. When you learn this one little secret (of many more I have in my bag) you will have the power to create real friendships at will. Friendships that rival the strength of the bond between you and your best friend. No longer will you be left wondering who you can trust and whos actually talking behind your back. When you are building rapport at will, you will make others feel as if they had accomplished one of their lifelong goals. Make them feel as if everything theyre presently doing with their life is correct, and how they would be dumb if they were living their life any other way. You will be able to make ANYONE truly feel like they are on top of the world, and everything will be ok...

www.conversationalconfidence.com

1/15

If you do not take the time to learn what I am about to teach you, not only will you create unnecessary animosity with your current friends, but with EVERY new person you meet as well... without even knowing it! Read - awkward moments caused by you! Once you grasp even the gist of this report, you will start to feel a load lift off your shoulders. You will once again become excited about conversing with people. You will look forward to each and every forthcoming conversation you will have, instead of being nervous as hell. And if you dont take the time to learn this vital life skill, you will remain in the clouds whenever you need to meet someone, never quite knowing how your interactions will turn out, leaving them completely to chance... and quite often fail miserably.

www.conversationalconfidence.com

2/15

The Great Secret of Conversation

Whenever words leave a persons mouth, unless they are asking a question, or issuing a salutation, they are ALWAYS, 100% of the time, subconsciously seeking a sign of understanding from the one they spoke to. An understanding of their total body expression including their body language, voice tone, and words. I discovered this principle while observing ALL of my naturally gifted socializing friends. I witnessed them talking with experts they had never met before, about things which they had zero experience with, and EVERY TIME they would come out of the conversation looking like they knew even more about the subject than the expert! And not in a snooty, Im better than you type way but instead in the, Wow, youre someone who actually understands why I do what I do type way (which automatically gets them perceived as anyones best friend!) The last part of the discovery was the most fascinating. How many times have you demonstrated that you know more than someone else, only to run into feelings of jealousy, denial or hatred toward you? Everyones been there. But this is where I discovered how to do that AND be loved like a best friend!

www.conversationalconfidence.com

3/15

The 3 Simple Steps to Rapport

So youre in a conversation with someone and you want to build rapport with them. All there is to it is the following: Listen to what the other person is trying to express by observing their body language, tone of voice, and then finally their words.

1.

2. 3.

Gather the total message of what they were trying to express and ask yourself, What were they trying to get me to understand?

Respond accordingly making sure you demonstrate that you not only heard what they said, but understood it from their perspective as well.

www.conversationalconfidence.com

4/15

For example: Youre a guy talking to a girl you want to get to know better, and she brings up the oh so heated topic of politics. You figure out she leans towards the opposite end of the spectrum in terms of who she supports. And then she opens her mouth and says: Her: I hate Obama, I dont trust the guy. The only reason he won is because he was Black. He isnt going to follow through on any of the things he says hes gonna do! Our country is doomed. Now lets say you are Obamas biggest fan. Pay attention. Even though every fiber of your body wants to put this girl in her place, that is not your goal at this moment. Your goal is to build rapport with this girl, not to try to reverse her political views.
* Remember, this report and advice is for when you WANT to build rapport. Chances are, you wouldnt want to build rapport with someone who so greatly disagrees with your own personal views. But Im using this as an extreme example to demonstrate how even this scenario can be worked out.

www.conversationalconfidence.com

5/15

Using just one of my 7 Responses for Rapport - stating an ANALOGY to what she said you can seamlessly build rapport without sounding like youre just agreeing with her to get her to like you: You: Yeah, itd be nice if the presidential race wasnt so much like a student council election. A popularity contest. Obama realistically could have had one of his policies as Monkeys will take over and run our banking institution from now on, and still won. People who voted for him wouldve been like, Monkeys? Thats a good idea, why didnt I think of that! Rapport built. Youve demonstrated that you not only heard what she said, but also clearly understood what she was trying to say. Also, you gave enough evidence backing up what you said in order to not sound like you were just agreeing with her. On top of that, you didnt even state who you personally supported. Its still up in the air. Most of the time, the girl wont even ask you who you voted for in this situation because shes content with you understanding why she thinks the things she does. Even if it does come up and you tell her you voted for Obama, she will be more open to hearing why you did, since you took the time to understand why she voted for the other guy.

www.conversationalconfidence.com

6/15

Five Days to Discovering Your Hidden Social Skills

Heres what I want you to do for the next 5 days to implement this report, so you can see for yourself the power of not blatantly breaking rapport. Call up a friend, get together with someone for a drink, or start a conversation at work with a co-worker (at least once a day) strictly for the purpose of you trying out what youve learned here in this report.

1.

2. 3.

Bring up a controversial topic, like politics, sports, religion, work, life, family, friends, relationships etc.

Get the other person to input a big opinion about the topic by either asking them what they think, or stating your own strong views on the subject at hand.

4.

Run through the 3 steps to rapport as weve gone through them above:

www.conversationalconfidence.com

7/15

Listen to what the other person is trying to express by observing their body language, tone of voice, and then finally their words. Gather the total message of what they were trying to express and ask yourself, What were they trying to get me to understand? Respond accordingly making sure you demonstrate that you not only heard what they said, but understood it from their perspective.

Side Note: I personally have 7 specific ways in which I would respond. Everything that I say that builds rapport falls into one of these 7 categories of responses. One of them Ive already showed you, the ANALOGY. In fact, I sandwiched together 2 MORE types of responses in the example above to increase the effectiveness. To learn what those are, in addition to several more ways, you might want to grab a copy of my book The 7 Rapport Responses here.

www.conversationalconfidence.com

8/15

The Easiest Way To Start A Conversation

The last thing I want to have happen is for you to walk away from reading this report and NOT EVEN seeing yourself what I am describing here. So, if youre having trouble getting into a conversation with someone, you can see this principle in action just by making off handed comments towards people you pass by. People dont need to speak words in order to express something. We as humans are ALWAYS, 100% of the time, expressing SOMETHING. Just because Im not talking, doesnt mean I stop thinking. Notice, for example: Someone watching the news with a facial expression of disagreement Someone trying to wave down a bartender with a frustrated look on their face Someone with a blank expression on their face while watching a stand-up comedian

www.conversationalconfidence.com

9/15

You can practice the principle of this report by shooting a comment towards these people. For the one watching the news: This world is crazy, isnt it... I dont think well be seeing the day everything runs smoothly for a while. For the one waving down the bartender: They expect you to tip them, but are slow as hell. What do they want from us? For the one watching the not-so-funny comic: I think he made a last minute change where he decided to recite a eulogy instead. These all fall into the principle of people just wanting to be understood. Wanting to feel that their thoughts and feelings are in fact, valid.

www.conversationalconfidence.com

10/15

To know if youre on the right track, the responses you get will be along the lines of: A smile Laughter Them nodding their head in agreement Them firing up a conversation with you

If you are not doing this correctly, you will simply get: A blank stare A weird look Ignorance Them firing up a conversation with you about how youre wrong

The last one is even potentially good! So you really have nothing to lose and everything to gain when you try this out!

www.conversationalconfidence.com

11/15

The Benefits You Will Reap

Once you get the hang of building rapport at will, you will start to notice how everyone you meet warms up to you faster than ever. Not only that, but they start to treat you like their best friend, within minutes of talking with them! You are going to get invites out to places youve never even heard of. Not only will people stay out of your way, they will open doors for you. You will begin to truly see why its who you know, rather than what you know.

Where and When To Apply Your New Skill

You can start to apply this report into your life, whenever you run into someone you talk to. Whatever the conversation youre having is, 10% of it will be business, and the other 90% is all fluff. Use what youve learned and apply it in that 90% of fluff. Even if youre walking into your boss office to ask for a raise, you dont walk in there with Hey boss, give me a raise. No. You walk in there and say, Hey Boss, hows it goin? Any plans for the summer yet? Then you run through the 3 steps to Rapport weve gone through already after you gather his/her answer. It really is this simple!

www.conversationalconfidence.com

12/15

When To Hold Back

I want to take a minute here to mention where the advice in this report does not apply. If youre interacting with someone who you do not have any interest in getting to know, and they are extremely rude, dont worry about building rapport with them. If youre talking to someone who isnt listening to anything youre saying anyway, using these techniques would be a waste. Blatantly disagree with such a person to snap them out of their own head.

What All This Means

Which brings me to my last point, is that theres no use in talking with someone who does not listen to you. The whole goal of being a good conversationalist is to be heard. The prep work for making the other person open to being influenced by what you have to say far outweighs the time you need in order to speak to them. Most of the time, you wont even feel the need to exercise your level of influence on somebody, simply because, you dont need everyone to listen to what you have to say.

www.conversationalconfidence.com

13/15

If I had to sum up what the whole picture looks like, think of meeting people like you would a soccer game - yes, the main goal of the game is to score more goals than the other team. And to be fair, that is the only measure of the success of a given team. But even knowing that, when any given player on the team gets the ball, do they automatically make a bee-line toward the opposing net and try to score? Absolutely not. They prep to get the BEST shot possible. They pass it around, make runs, and create faints. Take this analogy one step further, and rewind to before the game. While the players are in the gym or on the field practicing, they are doing this ALL to prepare for that ONE MOMENT where ONE of the players will shoot the ball on net and score. You see how preparation strongly out-weighs the moment of success? Take this analogy with you the next time you are speaking to a member of the opposite sex. The moment youre in with them will rarely be a moment which determines the fate of your relationship with them. So relax, and make them feel amazing about themselves. For when the time comes for you to take it to the next level, they will be prepared for it.

www.conversationalconfidence.com

14/15

About the Author Tung is the author of 7 Responses for Rapport, being released in April 2009, containing some of his ground breaking theories about the art of conversation and relating to people. After years of working with men and women worldwide and helping them develop skills to meet and attract the opposite sex a lot easier as well as create longer lasting, more genuine friendships with each other Tung has decided to give something back to everyone who couldnt get a hold of him in person. Stay tuned for much more in very near future...

Subscribe
Buy the Book Get more details or preorder a copy of 7 Responses for Rapport

Sign up for our free announcement list to be notified about upcoming books and free reports like this one as soon as they are available.

Comments? Have any comments on this report? Anything youd like to see in addition to it? Something unclear? Let us know - wed love to hear from you... just send us a quick note via email or join in on discussions on our blog.

This eBook last updated: April 07, 2009

www.conversationalconfidence.com

15/15