fprivate "type=pict;alt=rakhee"

in her prime, contradictions were what raakhee gulzar was

made of. but most of them did not reach beyond the
surface. like amitabh bachchan, she loved to create barriers
between her and those trying to get across to her. again
like amitabh, she derived a peculiar delight in watching
people struggle to break those barriers.
there was another point of similarity between her and the
bachchan. she disliked media exposure and hated
interviews and photo-sessions. she preferred to keep a low
profile, fully aware that it added to the carefully cultivated
aura of mystery.
over the years one realised that being her friend was a
professional handicap. she didn't let you interview her.
"how can you interview me?" she would protest. "you
know so much about me."
i promised not to go beyond a few questions. but it didn't
work. raakhee would dangle a carrot: "let's talk... i'm
seeing you after a long time. you can do the interview
some other day and i promise, i'll give you a scoop." of
course, she was kidding.
nevertheless, during one of our talks, she did give me a
scoop. she spoke about love, her relationship with gulzar,
and her favourite subject - bosky. excerpts from a rare
interview with raakhee:
are you a diehard romantic?i don't think so. not in the
sense of being a lover. yes, i do respond to nature. i go
ecstatic when it rains... i feel the tingle of raindrops in my
being.

what does love mean to you?a sense of fulfilment...

happiness.
when did you first fall in love?long after my first marriage.
when i married ajay biswas, i didn't even know the
meaning of love. every girl gets married, so did i. i had
seen him and met him but it was an arranged marriage.

what went wrong with your marriage with ajay biswas?it

just didn't work. it is not that it was only ajay's fault. i
didn't understand the relationship. in fact, there wasn't any
relationship as far as i was concerned. i couldn't take the
atmosphere in his house. today it sounds ironical but i
didn't like the filmi atmosphere around, the booze, the
chamchas, and the uncouth language. my idea of a film
star was sandhya roy. i've moulded my life to hers and
never to meena kumari's as they all seemed to think. to be
honest, meena kumari never impressed me. i thought she
was a weak person.

and your relationship with gulzar...my relationship with

gulzar was a complete one to begin with. when i fell in
love with him, i got what i didn't get in my relationship
with ajay. gulzar was different. he wooed me in style. i
responded. the vibes were spontaneous. he wrote a whole
book of poems for me. i stopped him from writing them
after our marriage. then he started writing for bosky. even
now he publishes a book for children every year on
bosky's birthday. after marriage, however, things changed.
disillusionment set in. we both realised that we were not
what we had expected each other to be. we had lied to
each other during courtship. once the realisation dawned,
the cracks deepened and we moved apart. i don't want to
go into the reasons of our split... certain things are too
personal.

do you see any possibility of you and gulzar coming

together again for the sake of bosky perhaps?not in this
life.

hasn't your living apart affected bosky?well, it is not the

same for her as it would have been for both parents living
together; it cannot be. but she understands. fortunately, she
is a happy child. she was very small when we separated
and she grew up seeing us live separately. at times she
would ask why the three of us could not live together, but
now she understands.

it all depends on how you handle the situation. for bosky's

sake we behaved with restraint. thanks to gulzar it was
easy to make the child understand because he loves her
and can do anything for her. he encourages her and brings
out the best in her. he was overjoyed when she won the
gold medal for acting in an inter-school contest.

bosky is different from other girls her age. she is a bit self-
centered. i often tell her to look up her grandparents - my
parents - when i'm away. but she doesn't bother, she just
doesn't feel the need to. when she comes to me she wants
to be with me. then when she goes to her father, she want
to be totally there.

are you an over-protective mother?no. but i keep her away

from the public gaze. i don't allow her pictures to be
published. it is bad for her. i don't want her to get too much
attention. i want her to grow up normally.

will you let her work in films?if she wants to, who can
stop her?

what about these constant rumours about your drinking

bouts, your work and your looks?don't take the cover of
rumours and ask what you want to. i don't think drinking is
immoral if you know how to drink and when. i did resort
to drinking for a while, as a refuge, during acute spells of
depression. it was a certain phase. although i put up a
brave exterior, i'm not as strong as i seem. but it (drinking)
didn't help. i went deeper into depression. i pulled myself
up when i found it difficult to see eye to eye with people
who look up to me - my family. i didn't want to do
anything that would expose my weakness.

do you miss a man in your life?i do. when responsibilities

outweigh me. there are moments when i can take it no
more - this burden of looking after so many things, so
many people. i'm too independent a woman to be married.
tell me, which self-respecting man would like to be around
only to shoulder the responsibilities of running a
household? he'd like to impose his will as well, wouldn't
he?

what's your concept of the "ideal" man?there is no "ideal"

man, there cannot be one. but it is possible that one
particular man strikes you as the right one and touches a
chord somewhere. your mind reacts to him, and it happens,
call it love if you would like to. but then, the man you love
need not necessarily be the man you are happy living with.
marriage takes much more. the ideal man runs out of the
back door the minute you marry him.

is an intense man-woman relationship possible without

physical involvement?of course. it's bound to have an
under-current of sexual attraction. but it need not
necessarily be romantic, nor does it have to end up in bed.
a man-woman relationship remains beautiful as long as
you don't try to name it. the moment you name it, it
becomes some kind of a contract and evokes expectations.
will you marry again?i don't think i will. i think marriage
has become an outdated institution, particularly for a
thinking woman.

the indian male needs to be put through a process of

unlearning, he has to get rid of his double standards...

in any case, there is no such state as "happily married". it

is only a myth. an honestly successful marriage is a
miracle. in the film industry, marriage is all the more
difficult. because of the opportunities and the temptations
"complete faith" is never possible. any way, i honestly feel
marriage is not the end of life...

and finally which of gulzar's songs are your favourites?my

all time favourites are the one from khamoshi: tum pukaar
lo, tumhaara intezaar hai... and the priceless pyaar ko
pyaar hi rehne do koi naam na do.