TSL 3105: Convention of Spoken Language

Source: http://discipline.nuvvo.com/lesson/10719-speaking-manners

Speaking Manners
AUTHOR

swadhina

Introduction:Your personality reflects when you speak. Your speaking style, politeness always show the good side of your character. If you don't follow the manners, you may fall in false position, which may be disgusting or even funny to others and a little bit unpleasant for you. So, don't let the manners to stand on the way of leaving your good impressions on others ! But how ! Don't worry! Here are some tips for you.

Think things out before you speak, especially if you are a person who may be poor at finding the right words
to say. Don't start a sentence, with 'ums' and 'ers' in between, it seems awkward and you should try speaking to yourself in a mirror, it works! It increases your confidence in speaking, and it sounds much clearer; you may find you'll be using fewer 'ums' and 'ers' next time! Don't speak loudly. You will quickly lose respect if you do, as this can be seen as overbearing and rude. It can also make other people angry and upset with you before you even establish some kind of relationship with them. They will see you as a 'big mouth'! and therefore someone who cannot be trusted with anything confidential. So practice at turning your volume down if you tend to have a loud voice. Speak with respect to and of others. You can do this by avoiding negative remarks that may insult someone else. Do not use expressions or theoretical examples that imply disrespect or degradation or that invite people to imagine offensive scenarios, such as "what is up your butt?" or "how would you feel if someone..." followed by a description of violent or degrading acts. You may not intend this as offensive, but it is. General rule is: if you don't want someone to speak about you that way, then don't speak this way to others. Don't ever speak of bodily functions, such as using the bathroom or telling crude jokes, even if it is a casual conversation, for this shows signs of immaturity and often makes a bad impression on friends, family, and co-workers. Always respect older people, and listen to them and learn. This applies to all elders and not just parents or grandparents. Using the terms 'Thank you', 'Please', and 'You're welcome' shows that you have good manners. People who lack manners do not use these terms. Hold open a door for anyone following you closely. This is a sign of good manners and has never changed. There are no strict gender rules in this day and age. Speak highly of your parents and show respect for them, even if there are things about them that you do not like. If you cannot do that, avoid speaking about them at all around others. It looks tacky to insult or speak badly of the people who brought you into this world or raised you. Don't air dirty laundry about your family. It's tacky and rude. Do not swear or use filthy language and curse words. It's unprofessional! People who do this are usually very immature and have no self-control or respect for themselves and others! Eventually, you'll see that bad words are not appropriate and you'll begin to feel more comfortable avoiding them. Profanity is a sign of an angry person and it puts people off you immediately as its very distasteful and offensive. Using decent vocabulary gives the impression of intelligence, self-respect and character. Greet others appropriately even if you know someone well. If you are a man, you do not want to greet a woman by saying, "Hey Baby, what's shaking?" Instead, try something like, "Hello, good morning or evening," anything that would make you appear to have good manners and good sense.

Try to show that you are interested in the person you are speaking to by asking them questions about themselves. Don't steal their spotlight by just talking about yourself. You don't want to come off as selfish. If you continually talk about yourself, it will quickly bore people and they will try to avoid any future conversations with you. Pay attention to how you carry yourself. In other words, act like you have some class, which goes hand in hand with manners. Don't slouch; have a neat appearance; shake hands firmly [not limply, people can generally tell what you may be like by your handshake], be clean and smell clean [use some deodorant under your arms! Bad odour can be an unpleasant experience to others], hold your head high and don't hide behind dark sunglasses inside or wear other "trying to be cool" looks at the wrong time; it gives the impression of arrogance and immaturity. Don't put other people down, belittle them, or spread gossip. Never openly criticize someone in an attempt to put them down or to make yourself look better. If you wouldn't like people speaking about you that way, then don't do it yourself! Be complimentary and positive, for example, avoid critizing an article that someone has written. Their grammar and spelling may not be as good as yours but they did put forth a positive effort. Having an opinion is one thing, but being insulting is a sign of bad manners.It is never polite to tell secrets in front of someone. If someone else is gossiping or belittling a person, show you understand in a neutral way (a small nod to show you comprehend or an "mmhmm" should do) and then go on to compliment that person on something as closely related as possible. Don't interrupt, cut off or override another person who is speaking, even if it is a casual conversation [unless they are insulting or swearing etc...]. Give the person respect and try to let them finish what they are saying; in other words, be a listener! And practice being a good one! Ask for clarification properly. If you did not hear something that an individual has said, or if you need something clarified, consider using "Could you say that again for me, please?" or "I'm sorry?" Avoid solely using the word "What?" as it tends to come off as brash and unrefined.

http://www.relationship-problems-tips.com/communication-ground-rules.html Communication-Ground-Rules
Be on time Be respectful to your communication partner(s) Set a safe space to have your conversation Be honest, open and sincere Be fully present, stay focussed Intent to have a constructive conversation Intent to bring lightness and some appropriate fun into the conversation Take responsibility for your underlying intentions and issues Maintain enough eye contact Be conscious to verbal and non-verbal communication as well as intentions

 Take your time to talk and to connect When listening, fully listen Summarize what you just heard to verify you have received the message Ask questions to ensure clarity After speaking, verify you have delivered your message One conversation at the time (dont interrupt your communication partner!) Tell your truth, and be sensitive to your communication partners feelings Respect appropriate confidentiality Take responsibility for your overall communication If you need more time, set another date to continue the conversation

Source: http://miguelbengoa.com/elt/?p=60

The characteristics of spoken language

By MIGUELBENGOA | FEBRUARY 16TH, 2008

Some courses fail the learners in that they fail to distinguish between spoken and written language. The litmus test for this assertion is to ask whether the syllabus/curriculum treats spoken language as something distinct from written language with its own grammar, syntax and lexicon. If productive skills work is a vehicle for the teaching of structures rather than training for skill and sub-skill acquisition then the course would probably have to be described as a grammar based course, no matter how communicative it is hyped up to be. Here then, are some of the features of spoken language as I have identified them. It is both time-bound, and dynamic. It is part of an interaction in which both participants are usually present, and the speaker has a particular addressee or addressees in mind. The complexity and speed of most speech acts make it difficult to engage in complex advance planning. The pressure to think whilst speaking promotes looser construction, repetition, redundancies: fillers, hesitations and rephrasings and.

Sentence boundaries are at best unclear though intonation and pause divide long discourse into more manageable chunks. Participants are usually face-to-face and so can rely on feedback (extra-linguistic cues to aid meaning). The lexicon of speech is usually characteristically vague using words which refer specifically to the situation. Deictic (see: deixis) expressions are very commonly used, for example: that one, in here, right now. Spoken language makes greater use of shared knowledge than written language. Many words and constructions are characteristic of, especially informal, speech. Lengthy co-ordinate sentences (joining sentences with co-ordinates such as and are normal and are often of considerable complexity. Nonsense vocabulary is often not written and may have no standard spelling (whatchamacallit). Obscenity may be replaced with graphic euphemism (S*D *T). Speech is very suited to social (phatic i.e. chewing the fat) functions, such as passing the time of day or creating an atmosphere or any situation where unplanned and casual discourse is desirable. It is also good at expressing social relationships, opinions, and attitudes in part due to the vast range of nuances, which can be expressed by prosody and accompanying non-verbal features. There is an opportunity to rethink an utterance whilst it is in progress. However, errors once spoken cannot be undone. As such, the interlocutor must live with the consequences. Negotiation of meaning is common and often a large part of any conversation. Interruptions and overlapping are normal and are generally very common. Frequently displays ellipsis. Speech makes use of many formulaic expressions. Speech acts are usually considered ungrammatical in terms of traditional Latin-based grammars. Modern grammars, namely socio-linguistic analysis of natural language, take an entirely different view however. Negotiation of topic is also very important: yes but, anyway, right then, Interlocutors give and receive immediate feedback. It has many routines and this can make it very predictable. For example you never say, Give me a banana in a bread shop. But, each situation has its own discourse which have been historically and socially defined.

Other sources: http://microjusticeworkplace.net/tools/ground-rules-for-good-communication/ http://smallbusiness.chron.com/effective-communication-conflict-resolution-3163.html http://www.scribd.com/doc/2096451/The-Six-Rules-of-Effective-Communication