Our Basic Insecurity

by Dzongsar Khyentse Rinpoche

In many countries and on many occasions Dzongsar Khyentse Rinpoche has taught
about shamatha or "calm abiding" meditation as a means to stabilize and focus our
minds. Here is an excerpt from the shamatha teaching he gave in Sydney !ustralia.
"o begin #ith #e must find the reason #hy #e$re doing shamatha
meditation. %asically #e$re doing it so that #e can gain a certain control
over ourselves. "his means that #e have no control over ourselves right
no#. !nd out of the many different problems that #e face I thin& one of the
fundamental anxieties or sufferings that #e experience is that there$s a basic
insecurity #ithin us. !nd that insecurity is #hat #e need to destroy or at
least understand.
"he basic insecurity that #e have is about our identity. !nd more
specifically than that #e have this insecurity about #hether there$s such a
thing as "I" or "the self". 'o# #e may not as& this (uestion normally but
#e do pose this (uestion unconsciously or semi)consciously all the time. "he
%uddhist reason for having such insecurity #ithin us is that if #e go on
chec&ing our life especially our day)to)day life #e$ll realize that there$s
doubt about our existence. *or instance #e introduce ourselves to someone
by saying "I$m so and so". +e may print our names on cards or #e may try
to achieve a certain promotion or a certain title. !nd more subtly than that
#e experience all sorts of extreme emotions li&e passion and aggression. !ll
these are actually more than a person becoming passionate or angry at
someone else. "he cause of all this aggression and passion is the need to
convince ourselves that the self exists that I do exist.
%ut still it doesn$t help. Still #e$re constantly insecure. So out of this
insecurity #e create lots of false hope and expectations. !nd millions of
expectations aren$t really fulfilled. Indeed #e often also experience #hat #e
don$t expect. In fact #hat #e don$t expect seems to happen all the time. !nd
#hen this &eeps on repeating itself then people begin to lose respect for
themselves begin to lose respect for the environment and there$s no trust.
So that$s #hy for many of us having a sacred outloo& to#ards someone or
something is so difficult to achieve. "here$s no sacred outloo& to#ards
ourselves. "here$s no certainty. ,et$s not even tal& about a sacred outloo& as
being something to do #ith religion li&e -od or pure soul or anything li&e
that. +e$re not even sure of our o#n existence. +e$re al#ays in doubt. .ven
though of course #e do pretend a lot of the time that #e exist.
%ut someho# #e$re (uite intelligent. +e &no# that #e$re pretending and #e
#ant to cover that up. +e don$t #ant to admit to ourselves that #e$re
pretending. !nd to cover it up #e do extreme things li&e maybe have an
affair or yell at someone. !nd #hen you go through that &ind of extreme
emotion it gives you a certain satisfaction that you do exist. !nd you live
your life #ith this sort of shallo# satisfaction all the time. %ut it doesn$t
actually give you stable confidence in yourself.
!nd then #e begin to lose our appreciation of life... I thin& #e should
develop a certain appreciation of our life. +hen I tal& about appreciation of
life it includes everything. *or example as I eat this biscuit and it goes
do#n my throat I should actually feel "+o#/ Incredible/ It$s so good that I
can actually eat a little bit of biscuit. "hat$s amazing/" 0ou see it may never
happen. *or example #hile I$m che#ing this biscuit #hile it$s melting in my
mouth suddenly this roof may collapse and I may die. "his biscuit may
never go do#n my throat/ It$s so important to develop this appreciation of
our life. !nd shamatha meditation is one &ey a very special &ey to
developing this appreciation.
So #e have t#o goals no#. "hrough the meditation #e build a certain
confidence in other #ords eliminate that basic insecurity that #e have and
#e learn ho# to appreciate our moment)by)moment life. "his isn$t really
%uddhism it$s a very human thing to do. 0ou can$t say that this is a religion.
In fact many shamatha meditation masters often say that the aim of
shamatha meditation isn$t necessarily to gain enlightenment in the sense of
getting rid of all sorts of emotions and reaching the stage #here you
completely abandon all sorts of dualistic phenomena. "he aim of shamatha
meditation has nothing to do #ith that. "he aim of it as I #as saying earlier
is to gain control over ourselves. !nd by gaining that control #e gain a
certain confidence and appreciate our life moment by moment day by day.
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