Everyone it's indebted with a death and everytime, time becomes

the shadow of our guilt and of our facts,of our achievements.As

long as our conscience speaks loudly inside,the truth should be a
way.As far as I know,this moment is the moment to conceive
another strong me with depth and filled with hope and
kindness.Beauty is there inside of this new me ,tied of the long
way of knowledge.
Today,I felt as if my heart would burst into tears,anyone
inside,anything to distinguish or to follow.What do I have to let
behind me?Sometimes it's the same answer,so deeply surrounded
by itself:Nothing.That kind of nothing that drowned yourself into
something that never so much as you don't recognize.It's almost
relentless;the feeling that you're out of you.As if you are reborn
and keep the same guilts and flows,the marks of the entire lost
you and add the attachments of everyone and everything that
hurted enough to bite your fondness.I still ask myself:Is there
anyone inside?Oh,yes!inside that atonement that you're dealing
with in the solitary expectation,in your coffin where you're alone
with your human nature when nobody can taunt you for
meaningless things.The problem is YOU!Too frail and too
perfectionist,without targeted goals ,self confidence and firmness!
Everyday fearful that something's gonna be missing or will be
astray done.I just can't confirm this.Today,I answered to an
important question :Who I am?or better placed:What I became??I
don't know anymore,it's like I knew who I was and now...I'm
different and I started to dislike myself the same way a domain
becomes disagreeable,bothersome or useless for these that don't
understand it and do not try to find a meaning to decipher the
content.I don't see a meaning and consequently,I don't find the
determination.I don't want to discover myself like I used to do
it,but only to retreive the old me as if it would have been stolen
from me.The old and the best me that I had!The poet,the
composer,the singer,the philosopher!!!That simple heart that
liked so much to be alone and find new perspectives to the life
that has inside,to write, imagine and reinvent the imagination,to
develop everyday,every second of that short life;then,the simple
became strange by being just different from the others,like a drop
streams and breaks down the rain -as though the rain wouldn't be

itself if a drop flows and dissipate the entire content of the water
that it's inside the rain.This essence shouldn't change even if the
content changes.Even if disembodied ,I mustn't feel
soulless.Now,the simple and strange heart has to be singular.Not
just influenced from the outside ,not even swayed,but firmly
acting like yourself!You're another person and your heart beats in
your body,in a body that you don't love,but you will love it.You
should start today to like yourself and to polish your becoming.
18 august 2013
Everyday seems to be a sound of sorrow that plays the chords of
my heart,those feelings condamned to survive after death like the
moon appears slowly and almost erased in the dawn just to
pretend to let the Sun shine.Eyes that dissapoint my hope,looks
set in the darkness ,always gazing in the wind with sleepy
wounds,never staying appart of rainy eyes...My arms would find
the warmth to hold you one more time,sweet love!With my
thoughts flying on the trace of your steps and with my feelings
dancing in your shadow;every momment throws sand on every
stream that is born inside and lock it up in a wide deep
desert.Sometimes,this filthy heart wishes to be detached of
everything as a lonely guitar that always plays the time song with
no limit of lyrics.
3 sept. 2013
I'm sure that nothing lasts forever.Even if I love,I'm not enloved so
I can't hold this sweet faithless love.It's the most painfull true I
can agree in the last time,the sufference that colds me up and in
the meantime,it warms me up with fearless tears.Solely inside
burns the healing fire and also,the lasting hurt that increase my
lost torch that cries for your soul.It's like the rain that pours on me
will catch all the sighs inside it and will give me strenght to fight
against it.

4 sept.2013

Pretending to be used to fear and having one sword to fit for

Procust's bed:an ironical way to treat the sharp tongues.In
comparison with fearless and strong people with nothing to
lose,irony is only a weapon that weak persons use it to feign their
lack of trust in themselves and it shows in mean words their
attempt to dominate.Irony and hiding myself.Hiding
beliefs,convictions,wishes,even feelings.Solely being afraid of who
I am and of who I will become.Teasing myself and asking my
heart why am I so UNHAPPY?Fury and sighs,tears that flow over
and over to lose their content each time they continue to fill in my
eyes and everytime,but everytime burning my soul with the speed
of the saddest pain.It became frustrating to live and to breath.My
breath stopped as it stood to listen the rain.I forgot what I loved
the most,what I really used to like without being put of the others
to like it or to do it.Feeling alone even surrounded by
people.People that are not like me or me that I'm not like them.It
doesn't matter anymore who or why all this started;it's only about
what I want and what they wish for me.It's this possible,God?!You
want us to be unhappy?Did You gave me talent for writing and
passion for languages and for music and a family which wants me
to deny it?It's this your wish:to always feel war inside me and
trying to struggle for something that neither I want to be?Which
path do I have to choose,Father,which way when they think they
must control my life even now?I look for answers and if that's my
faith(if it is one for me) show me how to accept it.
11 sept.2013