THE PROJECTS: PILOT

Written by
Nicholas Denardi

BLACK
Voices are heard over the blackness.
IAN
Cut!
ALEX THUNDER
Is he... Is he supposed to grab me
like that?
IAN
Hes a trained professional, I
trust him.
ALEX THUNDER
Okay...
CHRISTINE
And could you move over just a
little bit to your left?
BRAGI
Oh. Oh I get it.. Because YOU trust
him us actors have to just assume
its safe. No, its fine, were
just actors. We make this whole
thing possible but its okay. Dude!
Careful with that thing, youre
gonna poke my eye out.
STEVE
Sorry.
CHRISTINE
A little more? And try to stand up
straight.
IAN
I.. Yeah I.. Wait when did you guys
turn on the cameras?
DOC GUY 1
Just now...
IAN
Hey! Dont talk. The guys behind
the camera dont talk.
BRAGI
Oh.. Well then you must be in front
of the camera the whole time!! HAHA

2.

IAN
Can you take off the lens cap??
Jesus where are we.
EXT. JUNKYARD - DAY
IAN
Good? Are you actually getting
this? Camera audio? Well thats
gonna be bad but hey... Posterity.
Alex Thunder, the main actor in this dishevelled production
with dashing good looks, stands with a bandannad stunt man
with long hair in the middle of a junk yard.
Bragi, the supporting actor, lays dead on the ground, with
Steve, the makeup artist, touching up his face. Ian, the
director, and the camera woman Christine look on from about
20 feet away.
Steve the makeup artist is brushing Bragis dead face on
the ground.
STUNT MAN
So... Am I really supposed to grab
him like that?
BRAGI
Now he talks. On take 17. Hey
nice to meet you, Im Bragi - dead
guy. Youre a professional?
STEVE
Dude keep your cheeks still.
STUNT MAN
Craigslist.
CHRISTINE
Alex turn to the right, like swivel
to your right. Clockwise I mean.
ALEX THUNDER
I fucking get it Christine.
just get this over with.

Lets

IAN
Okay... Everyone good? Sound?
BRAGI
Craigslist....

3.

STUNT MAN
I...
IAN
Sound?
STUNT MAN
I really...
IAN
DUDE Chaz! Is it Chaz? SOUND GUY
ARE WE RECORDING
BRAGI
His name isnt Chaz.
The sound guy wears a black shirt that says never try in
white letters. He steps a foot closer to the scene, holding
the boom like a fishing pole.
SOUNDGUY
Recording.
IAN
Christine?
CHRISTINE
Yeah Im ready. Recording
STUNT MAN
Guys, I..
ALEX THUNDER
Quit being such a pussy. Im
ready. Lets get this right.
IAN
Okay, 3...2...1..
BRAGI
Wait!
Silence.
BRAGI (CONTD)
Okay Im ready.
IAN
3...2...1... Action
The camera switches from documentary to cinematic widescreen.

4.

A long tracking shot through the junk yard, reaching Alex

Thunder and the stunt man, and swirling around them.
ALEX THUNDER
What...
He drops to his knees in front of Bragi.
ALEX THUNDER (CONTD)
What have you done!
Beat.
Alex looks down, a tear falling from his eye and Bragis limp
hand in his. Finally, he turns his head toward the stunt
man, grimacing as he does so.
He stands up slowly.
ALEX THUNDER (CONTD)
Youll pay for this, you Bandana
Bitch.
`
STUNT MAN
Hes your trash now.
ALEX THUNDER
No... Hes my treasure. And Fuck
you.
Alex pulls out a 9mm and holds it up to the stunt man, who
then immediately grabs Alexs wrist and snaps his forearm in
half.
There is a blood curdling scream.
The camera is back to documentary style with the whole crew
running towards Alex who is now on the ground screaming and
writhing in pain.
CHRISTINE
Oh my God are you okay?
Alex screams.
ALEX THUNDER
No!!!
He screams as if he is Anakin Skywalker burning at the end of
episode III.

5.

CHRISTINE
(looking at Ian)
Is he acting??
IAN
I dont think so. Alex stop
moving, were gonna call an
ambulance.
STUNT MAN
Im so sorry. Im... You said to
grab him like that..
BRAGI
OHH... Did we say break his arms in
half Craigslist? You have to pay
for this you hack.
STUNT MAN
Oh my God
STEVE
Im with an operator right now.
(on the phone)
Yea I need an ambulance to the
junkyard..
ALEX THUNDER
I quit... Forever I fucking quit..
STEVE
The JUNK YARD, fuck lady. On Peach
Tree Lane, hurry up.
IAN
What did you say? Alex baby?
Alex grabs Ians collar with his good arm and pulls him in
close.
His eyes bulge.
ALEX THUNDER
I quit you son of a bitch.
done.

Im

His head drops back down on the ground.

IAN
You cant quit.. We only have...
ALEX THUNDER
(coughing and choking)
Its over...

6.

The screen fades to black.

BRAGI
Not a bad take though right guys?
TITLE SEQUENCE: THE PROJECTS
EXT. STEVES HOUSE - DAY
Steve walks out of his house holding cards.
The camera is on Ian. He talks but no noise is heard. Then
he gets really angry and walks toward the camera until he is
behind it. Suddenly, there is audio.
IAN
...How you dont understand this,
Jesus.
He walks in front of the camera as Steve gets in a car with
Christine, Bragi, and the Sound Guy.
IAN (CONTD)
Good? Okay, were going to Alexs
house with get well cards to try to
get him to finish the film with
us... His arm is pretty messed up
so it probably wont be healed until
the summer, but this is all weve
got so we gotta try.
BRAGI
(yelling from car)
Hey maybe if you IDIOTS didn't get
caught in the hospital wed have
some footage of the injury...
STUPID.
IAN
I guess get in the back..
INT. STEVES CAR - DAY - TRAVELING
The car is crammed.
BRAGI
...Invited this guy, seriously?
Doesnt talk, takes up two seats,
like MOVE OVER man.
IAN
Hey! Be nice to Chaz.

7.

CHRISTINE
Be nice back there.
BRAGI
Easy for you to say.
STEVE
Which way do I go from here.
IAN
Just keep going straight, well let
you know when to stop.
BRAGI
I got daddy long legs back here
taking up all the space.
The sound guy lowers his head.
IAN
This is it right here on the left.
EXT. ALEX THUNDERS HOUSE - DAY
The crew exits the car and walks up the steps to the door.
Steve knocks.
STEVE
Alex we have cards for you.
made them from love.

We

Silence.
STEVE (CONTD)
Look through the window.
The crew looks through the giant window.
BRAGI
Hes right here!
We see Alex Thunder on a couch right next to the window
watching QVC channel.
IAN
Alex, let us in, come on.
ALEX THUNDER
(through the glass)
Fuck off.
IAN
We have cards!

8.

Alex turns up the TV so we can only hear the sound of the

saleswomen on QVC.
CHRISTINE
Hes in a dark place...
STEVE
Lets get out of here.
The crew walks back to the car.
IAN
Hey what is that?
CHRISTINE
What?
Ian walks over to a telephone pole and rips off a white
flier.
It is a blown up face of a young man wearing sunglasses, with
the name Hector Maximilian written underneath.
IAN (V.O.)
Hector Maximilian...
STEVE
Isnt that the big shot who used to
live in New York?
IAN
Yeah... and it says hes looking
for a screenplay to produce...
CHRISTINE
Seriously?
IAN
Guys this could be our ticket to
making a real movie. Like a REAL
movie. This is how we get our
Thunder back.
CHRISTINE
Whens the deadline?
BRAGI
Dont say its...
Tomorrow.

IAN
Its tomorrow...

STEVE
Do you have any ideas?

9.

Extreme close-up of Ian who looks fiercely serious.

MONTAGE: CRAZY CLIPS/SCENES FROM THE WHOLE SERIES.
IAN
I have a couple ideas.
BRAGI
Lets write this dang thing. Look
at him up there, hes pathetic.
Alex Thunder stand on the stoop with a robe and cane for a
few moments.
ALEX THUNDER
Get off my lawn.
TEXT: 24 HOURS LATER
INT. STEVES CAR - DAY - TRAVELING
IAN
Up here! Hurry!
Steve whips the car into a parking lot.
Ian sits in the middle and as soon as the car stops, opens
the door and climbs over the sound guy.
IAN (CONTD)
Get out of my way sound guy!
The whole crew rushes into the office, leaving the sound guy
behind.
INT. OFFICE
The crew walks up to the desk in the waiting room out of
breath.
STEVE
Were here to see Hector Max.
A young boy, middle school aged, looks up.
TREVOR
Sorry, hes not in right now.
BRAGI
ARE, YOU, KIDDING M

10.

HECTOR MAXIMILIAN (O.S.)

Its okay Trevor, these people look
like theyve had a hard time
getting here.
The crew looks over and sees HECTOR MAXIMILIAN, a young,
skinny man wearing sunglasses and a suit.
HECTOR MAXIMILIAN (CONTD)
Dont mind my nephew, come into my
office. [Optional dialogue] And
Trevor get the FUCK off of League,
your mother is gonna rip my fucking
eyes out!
The boy ignores him. The whole crew gets up awkwardly, but
Hector holds his hand up. He looks to Ian, who is holding the
script.
HECTOR MAXIMILIAN (CONTD)
No, just you with the script.
Lets see if its worth 10 grand.
Come in.
Ian walks into the office and the door closes behind him.
BRAGI
Well, lets wait here I guess..
JUMP CUT
The crew, except for christine and the sound guy, is sleeping
in the chairs in the waiting room.
Christine wipes drool from Bragis mouth.
CHRISTINE
(half whispering)
We had a really long night trying
to prepare for this. I would sleep
too but Im too nervous. Ian has
been in there for..
She checks her watch.
CHRISTINE (CONTD)
Three hours now. I heard screaming
about an hour ago, and a lot of
laughing a couple minutes ago. I
just hope its going well. I could
always go back to working with
plants but, this project could
really take us somewhere.
(quiet whisper)
(MORE)

11.

CHRISTINE (CONTD)
I think even the sound guy wants
this to work out.
The sound guy sits in the corner hugging his boom pole and
looking intently at Hectors office door.
The door swings open.
Hector and Ian walk out laughing the hardest theyve ever
laughed.
HECTOR MAXIMILIAN
(through the laughter)
You sir, have my money!
Bragi and Steve wake up, and the sound guy smiles.
BRAGI
(hazily)
Money?
IAN
(to Hector, still
laughing)
I love you man
They gain composure and Hector pats Ian on the back.
HECTOR MAXIMILIAN
Lets address the troops then shall
we?
Hector and Ian walk closer to the crew.
HECTOR MAXIMILIAN (CONTD)
Guys, and girl, when you came in
here, I was expecting to read two
sentences out of this script and
dump it in the garbage.
BRAGI
Okay...
Christine hits him in the chest.
HECTOR MAXIMILIAN
But... When Ian told me how you all
grew up together, in this very
town, he hit a soft spot. Youre
doing this because you love it. I
endorse this script. Its fucking
genius.

12.

The crew celebrates and Ian pumps his fist and the sound guy
smiles again.
HECTOR MAXIMILIAN (CONTD)
BUT...
STEVE
Theres always a but
HECTOR MAXIMILIAN
I have three conditions. One, you
get that Alex Thunder back. Ive
seen him on youtube, you need him.
Two, Although Ian has made clear
he wants to direct this project, I
picture it better with him in
Bragis role, and thats the only
way Ill back the movie.
BRAGI
Are you SERIOUS? Who are YOU?
CHRISTINE
Ian?
IAN
I already said that I would do it
if it means getting the movie made.
BRAGI
Okay, you take my job, Ill direct.
Were all just switching jobs? Im
director now.
IAN
Actually, you are.
BRAGI
You cant be..
HECTOR MAXIMILIAN
And THREE, once Alex Thunders arm
heals, Im giving you 10 weeks to
create a short version of the
script. Were taking our time with
this. If the short film is
terrible, our partnership ends
there. If its the fucking maverick
I think its gonna be, we make a
fucking feature.

13.

BRAGI
Okay Maverick, are we supposed to
make this short film with our own
money?
HECTOR MAXIMILIAN
Im giving you 1000 for the short.
If its good, you get another
10,000 for the feature.
STEVE
Holy shit.
HECTOR MAXIMILIAN
Holy shit is right. Do we have a
deal?
IAN
What do you think guys? I dont
move forward without you.
STEVE
Lets fucking do it.
CHRISTINE
Of course Im in!
She hugs Ian as the sound guy walks up behind them silently.
He nods his head.
The whole crew stands next to Hector as Bragi sits alone in a
chair across from them.
CHRISTINE (CONTD)
Bragi?
Looking down, he slowly lifts his head up, straight faced.
Beat.
He smiles.
BRAGI
Im a director!!
They cheer.
HECTOR MAXIMILIAN
Now go get Alex Thunder, I expect
him to be on set as soon has he
heals. Oh and uh... Get a few more
girls involved. This whole crew is
a little... one sided.

14.

IAN
Done.
HECTOR MAXIMILIAN
See you for brunch next week.
Hector takes off his glasses, winks, and puts them back on.
INT. ALEX THUNDERS HOUSE - DUSK
Alex sleeps soundly on the couch.
Suddenly there is knocking and screaming coming from the
door.
CREW
(from outside)
Alex!
He wakes up.
ALEX THUNDER
What the fuck?
(looking directly at the
camera)
Why are you in my house?
The crew keeps screaming.
ALEX THUNDER (CONTD)
Come in!!
The crew walks in, except for the sound guy, who simply
stands behind the window outside.
IAN
Alex we have a script for you.
ALEX THUNDER
Im not interested.
Alex grabs the remote and turns the TV on.

QVC pops up.

BRAGI
Will somebody turn this OFF.
CHRISTINE
(grabbing the remote)
Sorry Alex, you need to hear this.
ALEX THUNDER
Hey!

15.

IAN
We have en executive producer
willing to give 10,000 dollars to
this film Alex. We need you.
ALEX THUNDER
Holy shit.
STEVE
Holy shit is right.
ALEX THUNDER
10 grand?
Ian kneels down to Alex, who is thumbing through the script
with his un-casted arm.
IAN
I know the sets havent been great
lately, but we need you man. This
is our chance to get out of this
place. To make something huge. I
dont want our friendship to fizzle
out.
ALEX THUNDER
What the fuck are you talking
about, I was just pissed that I
broke my arm. 10 grand for real? To
make this?
Yeah...
stars.

IAN
AND, we get to be co-

ALEX THUNDER
You're gonna fucking act?!
BRAGI
And Im directing son.
ALEX THUNDER
HOLY SHIT this is gonna be the
greatest film ever. Im... Im...
STEVE
Are you okay?
ALEX THUNDER
I promise... I promise you... I
will never leave character...
IAN
Thats not really nec...

16.

Alex grabs Ians collar.

ALEX THUNDER
I will NEVER leave character you
son of a bitch... These are the
projects..
BRAGI
The what?
ALEX THUNDER
(whispering)
These are the motherfucking
projects...
His eyes close.
ALEX THUNDER (CONTD)
Projects...
Christine picks up a medicine bottle from beside the couch.
CHRISTINE
Uhm... His arm broke three days ago
right?
IAN
Yeah..
CHRISTINE
Half of this bottle of perkiset is
gone...
BRAGI
Jesus!
The soundguy smiles from behind the window.
End of Pilot.