I need a person to be my equal

Everyone has somebody, but nobody has me

And though I pretend, I'm still not free
Of opinions and expectations of the ideal life
And how far that is from my real life
I think and I swear that I'd kill twice
Until I escape from the darkness and I feel light
I need to keep those away from me who don't see me as a whole
They don't want to see me grow, they just taint my soul
Wasting time I don't have, therefore can't afford to lose
Sometimes I wonder if I had the power to choose
Would I have been through the things that I've been through
I realized that choose is something that I can do
We all have choices
We can choose whether or not we use our voices
To speak out against injustices or evil
Thoughts entering 20
And see that silence is compliance with the violence on a people
I think I'm reverting back to my introversion
I see the world now, my eyes wide open
I thought I might be better as a different person
I see the world's messed up, but I won't stop hoping
But lately I've found more comfort in being alone
I have faith one day in a Pax Americana
I never go out, I feel better at home
All I really want is another term for Obama
And when I'm not at home, I spend a lot of time at work or school
I see these guys on TV begging for votes
That's kind of like a slow form of torture too
The rest of the world is laughing like these people are jokes
I see mad people with other people
 Love is simple but I guess forgiveness is difficult
But it's so necessary because it weighs on your spiritual
Admittedly, I have some problems with forgiveness and peace
Starting with the turmoil on the inside of me
I have doubts and regrets, what if my actions destroy me
And I'm still at Walmart in five years because they're the only
ones who will employ me

Because they are, you see Donald Trump is leading the polls
With his racist platform and his logical holes, he's only a slightly
bigger bigot than his conservative foes
He's dangerous and he's gaining too much ground
I think we need a leader to make this country proud
If Trump was elected, I'd be ashamed to live in this country
I don't care about your power, I don't care about your money
You lack substance, your ideas are antiquated What if everything I'm trying never really takes off

Xenophobic moron, your philosophy is hatred Then again, what if all my hard work really pays off

Entering my twenties, I've come to find that love is the only And I find myself in twenty years with an amazing wife and four
solution, but no one wants to accept kids

We're all humans, aligned on the right or the left Nice neighborhood, big house, with beautiful orchids
I'd love that, but I'm far from there
Admittedly, I'm kind of scared I wasted an opportunity people would've killed for, should've
worked hard but I chilled more
Just turned twenty, have no idea how I like my hair
To make it worse this was a mistake that my parents were billed
Part of me still believes that life is fair for
I know that's less than wisdom, I'm recklessly optimistic They might forgive me but I can't forgive me
My biggest fear, to try and catch a bus and miss it I just make things more difficult, it impacts my way of living
My life in a microcosm I'm older now, I make mistakes, but they seem less fatal
I met this girl, she was kind of awesome I've realized that it's not over until the Lord says so
But she was in and out like a revolving door, another day, another I'm young, I'm strong and I'm able
lost one
Even if I'm feeling weak, I'll be strong in my faith though
Another flower never blossomed, I wasted another love poem
I'm still learning
I'm just a man, one day I'll be the man
Growth and progression against the odds, that's the plan
One prayer, to understand
How to be a pro, when your whole life, you've been a fan
Two decades I've been here, I haven't figured out life yet
It's low key embarrassing, I can't even drive yet
I don't have anything that I can call mine yet
I'm an eagle, I can't believe I'm not flying yet
Insecurity in these lines
Still waiting for my voice to change, my little brother's is deeper
than mine
My sister's up in Cleveland now, I just pray she's going to class
I couldn't keep up my lifestyle, so my time at OSU didn't last
Introversion Cudi entered rehab, suicidal thoughts and depression
I don't want to talk to people, I'd rather not talk to people I hope he gets some help and can be a blessing
Please don't talk to me I don't really like some people To people without hope or the ability to convey their
hopelessness
I've become kind of standoffish, I'd rather not be bothered
I know the self-doubt and bad luck mix real bad with loneliness
It's part of the story, I guess that I authored
I mean, it gets really tiring
People conspiring
Ulterior motives, I'm unclear and I've noticed
How you act when I'm around
I can tell that you're not down
Please don't pretend and I won't pretend
I don't have words, I should say I won't provide them
In the past I had some feelings and an inability to hide them
I just said too much and now I'd just rather remain silent
Remain quiet, say nothing these words could be violent

We and Us
I feel really alone a lot, no one to talk to
I haven't heard from you in a while, I thought I'd call you
Just to see if you're fine, to show you I care
Just so you know if no one else is there I am here
I don't really have that, I haven't really built trust
Nothing said would ever just be between we and us
Wings
I need solace to calm this restless soul
I don't know what it would take to make me whole
Empty, who am I really?
Are these the end times or am I only beginning?
If this is the start, I want more for me
The end, then I hope the Lord adores me
I've been talking to Him, I know He hears my prayers
I had a dream I went to Heaven and there were no stairs
I want to walk through Nordstrom and not get stares
Get out of their country when it was never theirs
I want the world to love me like I love myself
I want the rich to love me like they love their wealth
I wanted her to feel me like I was really the man
I wanted to run, but I couldn't make a plan
I procrastinated my love, it's overdue now
Wasn't fascinated by love, I'm getting over you now
Picking up these grown tendencies, I'm still a kid low key
I want a woman to hold me before she gets to know me
Less commitment now, I guess it just isn't cool
More risks now, I'm probably a fool
I don't know what I want, I thought I wanted you
I thought I wanted fruit for lunch, settled for wonton soup
I don't want to settle, I don't want a soul to settle for me
I need a woman to my leaf, she's a kettle to my tea
Where are you? I've been looking my whole life
It's weird, friends from school with whole wives
Real babies like they cry, actual tiny people
Longing for the day where I actually find my equal
I always thought I'd have found the one, maybe have a son
Or a daughter, actually never mind I'm only twenty one
I'm a young man, but I really feel my mind is older
Whatever that means, life is tough, but I was born a soldier
I must be, look at what God's given me, all this adversity
It's really hurting me, will it pay off? Certainly
I'm a man now, but I still have my childish things
I feel I'm too young and too dumb to truly spread my wings
If I have wings, if I'm not a bird, falling is a fear
What if I leave the nest and find out that I'm a deer
If I was never supposed to be in the nest in the first place
What if I'm never supposed to be the best, the worst day
Achilles Heel I know my own intentions will always be good
I feel that prayer is always enough and a lot of answers are in the I know myself and I know I expect more
Bible
I hold myself to a higher standard than I did before
But it seems when we're in trouble we want to be responsible for
our survival I remembered Im not like other people

Receiving help is embarrassing and I don't want to feel weak
Even if my obstacles will annihilate me
This will be my downfall, an Achilles heel, I know
But this life's a thrill, if it gets me killed, I hope you enjoyed the
show
The deck is stacked against me so I cant aim to be equal
I just need to be the greatest, right now I want to be better
I want it all and I want to keep it forever

Forever
Its been a long time, I lost my passion, I was passionate its been

So long, its been tragic since I lost it all, just want it back again
Its been 3 years since Ive experienced the norm
Enjoying a great day little did I know it was the calm before my
storm
Whats in store? No idea but Im hopeful
I never got to hold you but at least I got to know you
Off subject again, I keep thinking about my friends

And if were still friends, were not, it all came to an end,

Im done lying I respect myself too much
I treat myself now I felt neglected without the love
Now I love myself because I know that I should
Love X
I always think about you maybe thinking about me
That's something worth doubting
You were so important to me and I, inconsequential
You saw nothing but I saw potential
Potential might look like nothing to the naked eye
It means nothing without work, then it dies
You didn't love me and I didn't love me
Maybe I just wasn't someone worth loving
Rough around the edges, emotionally unstable
I just had nothing to really put on the table
And you, you were by no means perfect
But you appeared that way on your surface
I've spent a lot of time on this, I almost said wasted
Maybe we would've fallen down had we ever dated
Or we could've fallen deep somewhere else
Framed pictures of us in our house on a shelf
I was so scared I lost it, I really might have lost it
If I was different, we really could've blossomed
But would it be worth it, people fall out of love
Maybe we would fail, if I wasn't truthful regarding who I was
If I changed would it be for the better
Would I like that person, to stay him forever
Part of loving you was loving me
Couldnt Finish This
Writing was like breathing and I've been suffocating
I need to write, but I haven't been writing lately
She inspired me, maybe I'm just moving on
Maybe just like her, the desire's just gone
I want to call myself a writer, I really love that label
I want it known exactly what I bring to the table
Versatility, a trait for which I aspire
I always said I would achieve, I hope I don't become a liar
It's getting harder, life just isn't easy
Pretending can't be the way, it's so difficult to be me
Waiting for text messages that I know will never come
Praying to my Father in the name of His Son
Hoping that she's happy and as safe as could be
Hoping that she never has the feelings that churn inside of me
What she awakened in me, I'm forever thankful for
Maybe I should be bitter, but I just thank the Lord
That we met even if we could never be
All I know is when we -
I shouldn't finish this
 What this could grow into, become one day
Will it always be as beautiful as the earlier stage?
I'm writing this because I don't really know how to talk to you
I mean I could just say hi, risk it all and then fall for you
Then sit back and watch you fall for me
Talk to you about your day as you fall asleep
Idealistic, but why couldn't it happen?
Even though past events tell me that it wouldn't happen
What if this is different, what if something good finally happens?
What if we get old and start reminiscing about back then?
What if back then is actually right now, that would be crazy
What if I convinced you somehow to be my lady?
Or what if I never say anything at all?
What if neither one of us receives a push to fall?

Not Him, Im He
What are you doing? Like why are you here?
Push to Fall
We're grown now, too old to be living in fear
I think about you and how maybe you could be the one
It's like this is arrested development
If we ever did link up, I know we'd have some fun
To never grow, a wish of malevolence
I just hesitate, I don't think this is what you want
I just want to grow and truly be successful
You're here, what if I love you then you're gone
Things have really been abysmal, so stressful
This feels familiar because I've been here before
They tell me it's worth it in the long haul and I truly hope so
I know this isn't love but I could never be sure
I've been planting seeds for years, my successes just won't grow
It's my fault though, I should've watered more
But if the soil sucks, what would I water for?
I need to invest in myself and convince myself I deserve it
I'm worth it, I need to do a work that's perfect
I think about life a lot and how it doesn't make sense
And maybe too much power is in the hands of men
I get scared because I know not what's inside of me
If I was destined to fail or meant to succeed
I mean, do heroes really bleed?
Was there ever a time they didn't know they could be
Their dreams, I look at me and I just don't know
I might just be too dumb to quit but I just can't fold
I feel the evils lurking, breathing down my neck
Despite all that's against me, my heart I will protect

The biggest lie is that perfection is unattainable

I'm trying to catch a unicorn, I'm trying to touch a rainbow
Go to the end and take a leprechaun's gold
Come back and tell the greatest story ever told
I was placed here to do the impossible, for many but not me
Don't place somebody else's limitations on me
I'm free, I'm not him I'm he
He who is what they decided they couldn't be

Tragedy/Triumph
I'm what happens when tragedy meets triumph

Can't really trust a soul, I've become more self-reliant

20 Something
I don't know about life yet, love either
Two girls I kind of liked, don't think I loved either
They didn't like me anyway, it probably doesn't matter
Dropped all my feelings, it's been hard to regather
I had sworn I met my soul mate, now I don't think that's a thing
It's really weird to me how love is supposedly proven by a ring
I guess that makes me sound broke, guess what? I am
I've got to pay for school, and Pearson's a scam
Charging arms and legs just for access codes and eBooks
It would be too soon if I never heard again from these crooks
Not For Us
Basically, things cost too much and there's not enough money
The president is racist, just thought I'd start with that
Every way I turn, someone's trying to take something from me
In November, fell asleep, woke up, had a heart attack
Can I please just enjoy this for a minute?
What's wrong with them, I mean what's wrong with me?
I just got payed but I already spent it
They want that old thing back, those like me hanging long from
Life is crazy, and I try not to pay it attention trees
But I have to because of necessity, not because of interest What does a white man want that I have, I dont understand
I would speak on the President but poetry should never be dirtied What could be in a heart so dark to make you hate another man?
Just a twenty something stressing about my thirties You never met and you'll never meet, but you hate me?
I love, you laugh, I grieve, I'm dead in streets
We don't have a lot, still that's too much for you to stomach
I feel bad for you, me keeping one hundred, loving someone
Takes just as much out of you as hating, but it feels better
To be honest, you're making it hard to see us coming together
I don't want no problems, but you don't want me here
I'm not scared of you, but you aim to inspire fear
I dont know you but you hate me, that's hard to process
I could call you many things evil, wretched, monster, Loch Ness
But I don't know you and I'll never know why I negatively affect
you
In the name of God too, you're mistaken, may God bless you
His new commandment was that we love one another, you ignore
it
Hypocritical, you can't take teachings of love for hate, I abhor it
You lack basic skills like tolerance, you're problematic as a whole What Im Becoming
You praise a president who's troglodytic, a common Twitter troll My eyes are itching, watering, I think I'm crying
Get him out of that office, he's not fit for the position But I don't cry I can't cry, what I'm describing
Obvious, he should've never been handed keys to the ignition Is foreign to me, I don't want to feel
He defended you, not surprising, you supported him I want to come in contact with police and not worry about a kill
Probably just doing something that David Duke ordered him Of a young black male six one two one
Or was it Steve Bannon? All these Nazis and Klansmen, I'm He was his mother's son, now he rots in the sun
confused
I think I need a wife now, I can't find a taker
I don't want the youth to come from school to view this on the
news Last night I talked to God because I know He hears my prayers

It's toxic, how could we deal with this in 2017 For better days, I don't want to cry no more, die no more

Obama got elected, I thought we were on to better things I realized what I'm fighting for, I've found myself wanting more

It was America I was proud of, now it's not so much Today I thank the Lord before embarking on this daunting tour

They're making America great again, just not for us

I'm a new man, the goal is to have more good days than bad
ones
Less hedonistic but still chasing satisfaction
I think I'm speaking life now, suddenly bilingual
I know there's light inside of me, now Im showing other people
I've been blessed, I should talk about it more
I'm still stressed, the price of what I'm aiming for
Greatness, can't afford to be waiting for
I've got to go now, I have to start running
I won't let another person die before I've become what I'm
becoming
A Lot of Questions, Not that Many Answers
What should I write about? Just write the truth
How you're young and you might be wasting your youth
How you think you've been in love but you have no idea what
love is
How God is Love, but why'd He do what He did?
Why do we do what we do? It's like we just don't care
My soul mate has somebody else playing in her hair
She was supposed to be with me, I guess if she should've, she
would've
It's my fault things didn't really go how they could've
I have these self-destructive tendencies
Sending back these blessings meant for me
I don't know why I'm like this or how I got this way
I hope one day I meet someone more or less the same
The worst in me and worst in her would both just cancel out
Is that not how that works? Logic it's without?
I heard there's no logic in love
I don't know about love, but I'm very logical
So what does that mean?
Blind
I know it feels different when I talk to you
Good different, and I don't know if I want to fall for you
I say that as if I can control it
Before I say something dumb to you and tarnish something
golden
I'm young and I can't really keep things together
Maybe the glue is you and we build something that lasts forever
Life is weird because every day a stranger enters your life
You might not even lock eyes and to you they are blind
I want to know about that girl at work, how she pissed you off

You Tell me about your obstacles, I'll tell you how you'll make it to the
top
All this is me searching for the right words to say to you
You don't need me, you don't need me like I need you
I think you're more than special, you're more than you know
I know people hurt you, but I would never leave you, deceive you
I just want to see you fly, I want to see you grow
I know it's hard for you, through those walls I see you
I find myself wanting more for you than I want for myself
I want to know more about you, I know it can't be easy to be you
If I'm sick I pray for you and then I pray for my health
You, you're the one who takes up all the space in my mind
I'm trying to say I care for you, whatever that means
You, the only source of light that shines in my life
I'm thinking about you, even if you never think of me
You, and only you, you're the reason, you're the reason
I'm here for you, even though I probably shouldn't be
I just hope and pray you're not stopping through for a season
I know I shouldn't want for things that probably couldn't be
I shouldn't have written this, but it's the only way I know
I want to know of your day, how did it go?
Fleeting Thoughts And there's like five different people thinking about you the whole
day
Writing words to capture these fleeting thoughts
The thing that is really scary
It hurts me, so many ideas that I forgot
Is what if your soul mate is already married
They're just lost and I don't know where they go
And you're just left alone, you don't share your home
Maybe they'll come back, if they do, I'll never know
Your dog just died, but you still have his bone
I hate loss, I try to gain if I can
And you're thirty, can't believe how time has flown
To love and lose helped shape me as a man
I have this life and it is my own
I'm a young man not even established
And that's freeing, but what if I make more bad decisions
Every night I have dreams that I have it
Butterfly effect, then I'm no longer living
Things have been tragic, catch me out in traffic
Things like that worry me a lot
Shotgun in an Uber, feeling better than the average
Guys like me are getting killed by the cops
Getting where I'm supposed to be, if God wants me to
In situations just like mine
I hope I get more close to me, I could never get that close to you
I know I might die, it's just not time
It's unfortunate really, it tortured, it killed me
My heart was crushed like the floor hit the ceiling
I told myself I wouldn't speak on it anymore
I thought we would be together at twenty-four
Just relaxing, laying on the living room floor
Netflix and chilling, I really didn't want much more
I think being with someone you love is the greatest experience in
life
One of my teachers said he lost his wife, I couldn't imagine falling
in love twice
What if we all have multiple soulmates
Wants
I get butterflies all the time thinking about you
I know theres other guys all the time thinking about you
I want to show you Im good enough, good enough to have you
And, honestly, I might be willing to do anything I have to
I just want you to see me, I want you to want me
I really want to show you off if youre with the flaunting
I usually dont do this, so trust me youre special
Love that youre here but if you want to go, Ill let you
I just really want you to want this, I want you to want us
I truly feel like we have something beautiful upon us
I dont know whats going to happen from here
Mess This Up
Im probably going to mess this up
Knew it was possible when I confessed this love
Theres something about her that just pulled me near
So on that night I swallowed pride and unsubscribed from fear
I just know Im going to mess this up
Thats what I usually do when blessings come
I just want you to be here with me
It feels right, it might be destiny
I got your number and didnt know what to do
I got close but felt the need to run from you
Im scared because Ive never had something worth having
Something so beautiful its difficult to imagine
I get nervous when I talk to you, Im nervous in your presence
I said a prayer last night, you truly are a blessing
A blessing Im going to mess up, I really hope that I avoid
Im really trying to be the man, show Im better than these boys
I swear this is all just a game I dont know the rules
Since I dont know how to play I just play the fool
So how do I play? Am I supposed to trick you to like me?
Im doing this wrong, I feel our future is unlikely
I just wish I was better at this, I really want to be your everything
I want you to feel beautiful, for you to know youre meant for me
Just as I am meant for you
I know that is not probably true
I just dont want to lose you before I could have you
Not that I could own you, I wish that I could grab you
Pull you closer so you could be here with me
Basically, I just want you near to me
Lunar Girl
It's funny that the moon is beautiful, but to be beautiful is not its
purpose
It controls the months, it controls the waves and then it deserts us
But we don't really care because we know it will come back
Or we hope it will come back
In actuality things that seem promised are never that
Mystery is something that this life never lacked
There was this girl, satellite, I was getting to know her but she left
too soon
I just knew she was lunar and she was revolving, this was just a
new moon
But I waited and she never came back
I would stare at the sky all night long, all would remain black
When I was with her I should've been more honest
The next night wasn't promised, I had fallen for a comet
You II
In one of those moods again so I'm writing to you again
See the shot so I shoot again, I look like a fool again
I fear that you might never tear down or at least open those walls
I don't think I'll ever see the day where I rejoice as they fall
I want to be close to you, and you want to know why
Then I smile nervously and look towards the sky
Because I don't know to be honest, because I just want to be
honest
I couldn't tell you why I want you, I just feel that something special
is upon us
Probably sounds horrible, but I don't want to lie to you
I'm not that dude who would say whatever to get inside of you
I'm focused on what's inside of you, the drive in you what I can do
To always build you up, be a force that inspires you
This is hard for me, because I see you in the cards for me
This uncertainty bombarding me, I could see you sharing cars
with me
Arguably, the truth is you could end up far from me, that bothers
me
Wants II
I just wish I knew what was on your mind
How to make you feel better
I want to feel your presence even when were not together
I want to know why you feel the ways you do

Just start with me, please just talk with me so harmlessly, bond I want to know how to talk to you
with me Im invested
I'm probably just getting carried away again, maybe we should I just need you to feel good
just be friends
When you feel bad things just dont go as they should
If we can, I said we should be more than friends, unfortunate
I wish I knew
Sorry, I say a lot when I have too much on my mind
I wish you felt comfortable
You're too much and just enough at the same time
You say you feel alone
I'm conflicted and confused, no idea what to do
When Im right here
Wish I was gifted with a clue on how to truly get to you
I just want you to be mine
I guess youre feeling different
Things were different in my mind

Pathetic, Apathetic
I have no idea what Im doing, that much is evident
Home is where the heart is, I dont know where Im a resident
I just want a love, I want her to feel like she deserves it
I see past every flaw, I want her to feel perfect
I want a life out of a storybook, I feel it is attainable
I want a stream of happiness and Im trying to maintain the flow
I just dont know how to do things, I feel really lost
Misunderstanding, I feel thats a major flaw
I really want to be a better me, but I dont know what it takes
Going fast, so I would swerve if I ever pressed the brakes
Im apathetic, I hate that feeling
I dont feel normal, I real want to feel something
I just want to have something, Ive been feeling like nothing
Ive been feeling like running
Despite Everything
I should probably write more, I got this pad and my pen
All in my emotions, I think Im saddened again
I dont think I really need to write that much when Im happy
But with unpleasant thoughts you tend to notice bad happening
Im almost twenty two and I dont like where Im at
Im almost twenty two and theres still life where Im at
I have a good life, Im blessed and not thankful enough
Im here despite everything, I guess it wasnt painful enough
Or Im too tough, Ive survived though Ive cried
Its been a crazy ride and Im not the same inside
I cant really react anymore
I cant really show that I care, closed doors
Different story, not shared, things get to me, I wish that they didnt
I wish I was more successful or more lucky with women
I mess up a lot but Im constantly learning
This desire inside me its constantly burning
For better days, yesterday is over
Never say never, impossible is nothing for a soldier
Another Lost One How long until the world cares when my people cry?
Im actually way too sad to be angry
Thought that you would make me
I thought what we were making
Was beautiful
I guess I was mistaken

New Beginning 22
A blank document is a new beginning
Approaching the year two years past twenty
Im in a different place than where Ive been before
Theres a girl I want to be the one but I cant be sure
She dont want me, I guess thats life
I swear I wont fall again Ive already done that twice I want some reparations I need it for my mental health

Im a grown up now so theres no more when I grow up To get my sons son that generational wealth

I feel like Im half way through my own glo up I want a family now I always thought Id be married

To be honest, Im still waiting for my voice to go down By this point in time and Im not so its kind of getting scary

Sometimes I think time escapes too fast and I want to slow down I might die alone in real life, let me overreact

It seems like yesterday that we stood under summer sun Aang disappeared when the fire nation attacked

You somebodys daughter and me a Summers son Everyone thought it was over but that just wasnt the plan

I miss that a lot and I think about it often I guess God just moves in ways that well never understand

How many wins until you stop thinking about a lost one?
How many heartbreaks until it doesnt make sense to try?
Love XI: Lost Boy Maybe its not in the plans for me, maybe Im not believing
enough
Lost boy, Im twenty two, I mean lost man
I need to remember that Im a child of God and a being of Love
I said Id never lose but I turned around and lost again
I should never question if I matter or if my beings enough
I said that I was done with her, why do I want to go back
I need to remember that Im a child of God and a being of Love
Why can I only think of her, mind all on one track
Lost Boy
How come I want to talk to her when she doesnt want to hear
from me
Why am I there for her if she might not be there for me
Why am I like this, emotionally stunted
Im a great batter, but Im out here bunting
A sacrifice, Im out here playing it safe
Seeing teammates advance, I never get to first base
Why am I like this, how long until I go and get mine
And learn to love in real life outside the realm of rhyme
How long until these rhymes turn into something real
Then I learn that true love is something more than I feel
That its something that happens, something that consumes
A love that transcends everything, differing views
A love that inspires a change in me
I have faith so much larger than a mustard seed
In actuality, that would be all truly required
I think eventually we receive a love greater than desired
How long until I find that, maybe I should stop seeking
Let it come to me and finally experience it deeply
Skip I thought things were going right but I was wrong
All my eggs in one basket and I handed it to you I just want to press next, I just heard this song
Looking back that probably wasn't what was smartest to do
I placed my trust in you, I was told that I shouldn't
But I did and here we are, went to a place I thought we wouldn't
You're fine and I'm happy that you're fine
I'm not, I've got you stuck on my mind
I don't know why, I'm lying because I do
I don't want to admit that I was dependent upon you
You were like a drug to me, you improved everything
Just met already thinking wedding ring
That was my bad, my mind moves too fast
I'm three years past the age where my mom met dad
I hate feelings, I guess only the bad ones, they afflict me
Im addicted to the thought of a real happy ending
I dont see it in the plans for me, it's hard for me
All I wanted was a love, wished it constantly
I just mess things up over and over again
I ruin every friendship, with more than friends
Now I have no friends all by accident
I wanted love and I thought it was cool asking them
I'd rather not know how she felt about me
I'd rather not meet, than to be tormented in my dreams
You III
I wish I didn't like you like I do but I do
I can see that you're not checking for me like I'm checking for you
All these things I know, I just wish they weren't true
I'm told I have time, to take advantage of my youth
I don't care, because you're the only one I desire
I tell you my true feelings and you say I am a liar
Please don't question my devotion, you're truly special to me
Please don't doubt these facts, you just don't see what I see
You're gorgeous, but there's just so much more to you
You're like the sun, no one shines quite like you do
You're kind, you put everyone before yourself
Independent woman, you don't need anyone else
Still I want to help you, I want to be there for you
Please just let me in, I want to care for you
I just need you to see how truly beautiful you are
I'll always tell you because you should that know you are
I want to do everything I can for you, plus even more
Be a great man for you, I just thank the Lord
For you, all you are, and all you'll ever become
All I ever wanted was for two to be one
My Muse
I know she's upset with me
Or else she would check on me
Just like I check on her
I wish that I was next to her
I probably made things more glamorous than in reality
Maybe she was in love with me, she probably just felt bad for me
Poetically I'm licensed to some exaggeration
I think I fell in love with my own imagination
I immortalized my Muse, though she was only human
My angel, my thoughts and time, she consumed them
Obsession, I love you to my detriment
When we're young I feel that love is an experiment
There are cycles in my knowledge of love
I know that Love is God, sometimes it feels that's not enough
Sometimes I feel there's more to it and it hurts that I can't find it
Obsessed with my happy ending, so much so I'm blinded
My Muse inspired me, and she inspired these words
They just mean so much more to me than they'll ever mean to her
The Next Time I've changed from this experience, now I know better
The ball is in your court, I think we're done here I grew because of you, I'd hoped we could've grown together
I brought us here and now I feel we shouldnt have come here
I wonder where we both might be in one year
I wish I could lie and say that we've had fun here
But we haven't, I gave my all when I really didn't have to
Sacrificed my soul just so I could have you
I thought that I needed you, now I don't think I want you
Post you all on Instagram just trying to flaunt you
Just to show my followers how beautiful you are
I just wanted to be with you, it was that simple from the start
I can't love someone who isn't open to being loved
I've learned not to jump the second someone shows me love
Or shows me something that feels like love because I don't know
what love is
I know that love is God, but I don't think I felt God in this
Next time I want God to pull my spirit
I'll listen when He tells me things even if I don't want to hear it
I'll believe people when they tell me who they are
I won't force things, I hope it's not too far
The next time, I'll place more value in myself
I'll make sure that I love me before I try to love someone else
The next time, I won't cross oceans for people who wouldn't
Come outside for me if it was raining, I shouldn't
You IV
Restless soul, Im up all night thinking about you
Heart aches because of all the things well never get to do
Another lost one, why does it have to be this way?
Why do I want her if she doesnt think of me this way?
I want to give up but I keep going back to try
Its not a real love so where does it go to die?
I dont know why I keep doing this to myself
I just want her and not anyone else
Probably bad for me but how could I really know?
I still have feelings that I have yet to show
I might feel more for you than youll ever know
Now Ive gone further than I ever planned to go
If I made a mistake, Id be the first to admit it
Ive written more poems about you than Id like to mention
Cant find any more ways to say the same things to you
I dont really know how long the days seem to you
Its an eternity in between me hearing from you
I had all of your attention and it was a dream come true
I guess the dream is over and Im wide awake
It was my mistake, I thought your heart was mine to take
I wanted too much or maybe you didnt want enough
Maybe I didnt want you as much as I wanted love