TBBT Se01

Sumário
The Big Bang Theory - 1x01 - Pilot ................................................................................................ 2

The Big Bang Theory - 1x02 - The Big Bran Hypothesis............................................................... 76
The Big Bang Theory - 1x03 - The Fuzzy Boots Corollary.720p HDTV.YesTV.en ....................... 145
The Big Bang Theory - 1x04 - The Luminous Fish Effect............................................................ 219
The Big Bang Theory - 1x05 - The Hamburger Postulate .......................................................... 288
The Big Bang Theory - 1x06 - The Middle Earth Paradigm..................................................... 338
The Big Bang Theory - 1x07 - The Dumpling Paradox ............................................................... 391
The Big Bang Theory - 1x08 - The Grasshopper Experiment..................................................... 447
The Big Bang Theory - 1x09 - The Cooper-Hofstadter Polarization .......................................... 504
The Big Bang Theory - 1x10 - The Loobenfeld Decay ................................................................ 554
The Big Bang Theory - 1x11 - The Pancake Batter Anomaly ..................................................... 612
The Big Bang Theory - 1x12 - The Jerusalem Duality ................................................................ 661
The Big Bang Theory - 1x13 - The Bat Jar Conjecture ............................................................... 714
The Big Bang Theory - 1x14 - The Nerdvana Annihilation......................................................... 770
The Big Bang Theory - 1x15 - The Pork Chop Indeterminacy .................................................... 821
The Big Bang Theory - 1x16 - The Peanut Reaction .................................................................. 872
The Big Bang Theory - 1x17 - The Tangerine Factor.................................................................. 923
The Big Bang Theory - 1x01 - Pilot
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Downloaded From www.AllSubs.org
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So if a photon is directed
through a plane with two slits in it
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and either slit is observed,
it will not go through both slits.
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If it's unobserved, it will.
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However, if it's observed
after it's left the plane
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00:00:09,200 --> 00:00:12,000
but before it hits its target,
it won't have gone through both slits.
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Agreed.
What's your point?
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There's no point, I just think
it's a good idea for a T-shirt.
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- Excuse me.
- Hang on.
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One across is "Aegean."
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Eight down is "Nabokov."
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26 across is "MCM."
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14 down is...
Move your finger...
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"Phylum" which makes 14 across
"Port-au-Prince"
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See, "Papa Doc's capitol idea,"
that's "Port-au-Prince."
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Haiti.
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- Can I help you?
- Yes.
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Is this the high-IQ sperm bank?
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If you have to ask,
maybe you shouldn't be here.
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I think this is the place.
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00:01:05,600 --> 00:01:07,100
- Fill these out.
- Thank you.
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- We'll be right back.
- Take your time.
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I'll just finish my crossword puzzle.
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Oh, wait.
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Leonard, I don't think I can do this.
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What, are you kidding?
You're a semi-pro.
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No. We are committing genetic fraud.
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There's no guarantee that our sperm
is going to generate high-IQ offspring.
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Think about that. I have a sister with
the same basic DNA mix
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00:01:39,900 --> 00:01:41,400
who hostesses at Fuddruckers.
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Sheldon, this was your idea.
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A little extra money to get fractional
T-1 bandwidth in the apartment.
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I know, and I do yearn
for faster downloads.
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But there's some poor woman
who's gonna pin her hopes on my sperm.
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What if she winds up with a toddler
who doesn't know if he should use
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00:01:58,300 --> 00:02:01,700
an integral or a differential
to solve the area under a curve?
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00:02:02,400 --> 00:02:05,000
- I'm sure she'll still love him.
- I wouldn't.
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Well, what do you want to do?
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I want to leave.
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What's the protocol for leaving?
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I don't know... I've never reneged
on a proffer of sperm before.
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Let's try just walking out.
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00:02:31,700 --> 00:02:33,900
- Bye.
- Bye. Nice meeting you.
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Are you still mad about the sperm bank?
44
00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:43,900
You want to hear an interesting
thing about stairs?
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00:02:44,400 --> 00:02:45,400
Not really.
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If the height of a single step
is off by as little as two millimeters,
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- most people will trip.
- I don't care.
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Two milli... That doesn't seem right.
49
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No, it's true, I did a series of
experiments when I was 12.
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My father broke his clavicle.
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00:03:00,700 --> 00:03:02,600
Is that why they sent
you to boarding school?
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00:03:02,700 --> 00:03:05,400
No. That was a result
of my work with lasers.
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00:03:11,400 --> 00:03:12,400
New neighbor?
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00:03:12,700 --> 00:03:13,700
Evidently.
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00:03:14,100 --> 00:03:16,700
Significant improvement
over the old neighbor.
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00:03:17,800 --> 00:03:19,900
200-pound transvestite
with a skin condition?
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Yes, she is.
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00:03:23,500 --> 00:03:25,400
- Oh, hi.
- Hi.
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00:03:30,300 --> 00:03:32,500
We don't mean to interrupt.
We live across the hall.
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00:03:32,800 --> 00:03:34,400
Oh, that's nice.
61
00:03:35,500 --> 00:03:37,400
We don't live together. I mean...
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00:03:38,100 --> 00:03:39,200
We live together,
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00:03:39,400 --> 00:03:42,300
but in separate, heterosexual bedrooms.
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00:03:43,800 --> 00:03:44,800
Okay, well...
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00:03:45,000 --> 00:03:46,800
Guess I'm your new neighbor. Penny.
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00:03:47,200 --> 00:03:48,900
- Leonard. Sheldon.
- Hi.
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00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:54,500
Well...
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00:03:55,300 --> 00:03:56,700
Welcome to the building.
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00:03:57,100 --> 00:03:59,300
Thank you.
Maybe we can have coffee sometime.
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Great.
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00:04:04,200 --> 00:04:06,500
- Well... bye.
- Bye.
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00:04:10,500 --> 00:04:12,200
Should we have invited her for lunch?
73
00:04:12,700 --> 00:04:15,300
We're gonna start season two
of Battlestar Galactica.
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00:04:15,900 --> 00:04:17,900
We already watched the season two DVDs.
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00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:19,200
Not with commentary.
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00:04:21,900 --> 00:04:23,800
I think we should be good neighbors
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00:04:23,900 --> 00:04:25,800
and invite her over,
make her feel welcome.
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00:04:26,300 --> 00:04:29,000
We never invited
Louie-slash-Louise over.
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And that was wrong of us.
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We need to widen our circle.
81
00:04:33,800 --> 00:04:36,000
I have a very wide circle.
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00:04:36,900 --> 00:04:38,900
I have 212 friends on MySpace.
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Yes, and you've never met one of them.
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00:04:43,800 --> 00:04:45,100
That's the beauty of it.
85
00:04:47,500 --> 00:04:49,100
I'm gonna invite her over.
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00:04:49,600 --> 00:04:52,200
We'll have a nice meal and... chat.
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00:04:52,400 --> 00:04:55,200
Chat? We don't chat.
At least not offline.
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It's not difficult.
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You just listen to what she says
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00:05:00,600 --> 00:05:03,400
and then you say something
appropriate in response.
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00:05:04,800 --> 00:05:05,800
To what end?
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00:05:07,800 --> 00:05:09,400
Hi... again.
93
00:05:09,500 --> 00:05:11,400
Hi.
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00:05:12,700 --> 00:05:13,700
Anyway...
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00:05:14,300 --> 00:05:15,800
We brought home Indian food.
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00:05:16,800 --> 00:05:17,800
And...
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00:05:18,400 --> 00:05:20,500
I know that moving can be stressful,
98
00:05:20,700 --> 00:05:22,800
and I find that
when I'm undergoing stress,
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00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:26,100
that good food and company
can have a comforting effect.
100
00:05:27,300 --> 00:05:30,500
Also, curry is a natural laxative,
and I don't have to tell you
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that, you know, a clean colon is just...
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one less thing to worry about.
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I'm no expert, but I believe
in the context of a luncheon invitation,
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you might want to skip the
reference to bowel movements.
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You're inviting me over to eat?
106
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Oh, that's so nice.
I'd love to.
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Great.
108
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So, what do you guys do
for fun around here?
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Today we tried masturbating for money.
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Season 1 Episode 1:
Pilot
1
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Okay, make yourself at home.
2
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Thank you.
3
00:06:28,900 --> 00:06:30,000
You're very welcome.
4
00:06:34,300 --> 00:06:36,100
This looks like some serious stuff.
5
00:06:36,200 --> 00:06:39,300
- Leonard, did you do this?
- Actually, that's my work.
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00:06:41,200 --> 00:06:43,700
Yeah. Well, it's just
some quantum mechanics
7
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with a little string theory
doodling around the edges.
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That part there, that's just a joke.
9
00:06:47,800 --> 00:06:50,700
It's a spoof of the
Born-Oppenheimer approximation.
10
00:06:52,100 --> 00:06:55,400
So you're like one of those
Beautiful Mind genius guys.
11
00:06:59,200 --> 00:07:01,400
- This is really impressive.
- I have a board.
12
00:07:01,500 --> 00:07:03,600
If you like boards, this is my board.
13
00:07:04,700 --> 00:07:06,000
Holy smokes.
14
00:07:06,100 --> 00:07:07,500
If by "holy smokes", you mean
15
00:07:07,700 --> 00:07:09,500
a derivative restatement
of the kind of stuff
16
00:07:09,700 --> 00:07:12,700
you can find scribbled on the wall
of any men's room at MIT, sure.
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00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:14,900
- What?
- Come on.
18
00:07:15,100 --> 00:07:18,700
Who hasn't seen this differential
below "Here I sit, broken-hearted"?
19
00:07:19,100 --> 00:07:21,600
At least I didn't have
to invent 26 dimensions
20
00:07:21,700 --> 00:07:23,000
just to make the math come out.
21
00:07:23,100 --> 00:07:24,600
I didn't invent them. They're there.
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- In what universe?
- In all of them... that is the point.
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Do you guys mind if I start?
24
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Penny...
25
00:07:32,700 --> 00:07:34,000
that's where l sit.
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00:07:36,000 --> 00:07:37,100
So, sit next to me.
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No... I sit there.
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What's the difference?
29
00:07:43,200 --> 00:07:45,200
- What's the difference?
- Here we go.
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In the winter, that seat is
close enough to the radiator
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to remain warm, and yet not so
close as to cause perspiration
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In the summer, it's directly
in the path of a cross-breeze
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created by opening
windows there and there.
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It faces the television at an angle
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that is neither direct,
thus discouraging conversation,
36
00:08:00,400 --> 00:08:02,800
nor so far wide as to create
a parallax distortion.
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00:08:02,900 --> 00:08:06,100
I could go on, but I think
I've made my point.
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Do you want me to move?
39
00:08:10,800 --> 00:08:12,700
- Well...
- Just sit somewhere else.
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Fine.
41
00:08:34,200 --> 00:08:35,300
Sheldon, sit!
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00:08:40,900 --> 00:08:42,200
Well, this is nice.
43
00:08:42,400 --> 00:08:44,000
We don't have a lot of company over.
44
00:08:44,100 --> 00:08:46,800
That's not true. Koothrappali
and Wolowitz come over all the time.
45
00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:48,400
- I know, but...
- Tuesday night,
46
00:08:48,500 --> 00:08:50,200
we played Klingon Boggle
till 1:00 a.m.
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00:08:50,300 --> 00:08:51,300
Yeah, I remember.
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00:08:51,500 --> 00:08:53,300
- Don't say we don't have company.
- Sorry.
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00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:56,300
- That has negative social implications.
- I said I'm sorry!
50
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So...
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00:08:58,800 --> 00:08:59,900
Klingon Boggle?
52
00:09:00,400 --> 00:09:02,700
Yeah. It's like regular Boggle, but...
53
00:09:02,800 --> 00:09:04,000
in Klingon.
54
00:09:07,400 --> 00:09:10,300
That's probably enough about us.
So, tell us about you.
55
00:09:11,200 --> 00:09:12,400
Me? Okay.
56
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I'm a Sagittarius,
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which probably tells you
way more than you need to know.
58
00:09:16,800 --> 00:09:20,000
Yes. It tells us that you participate
in the mass cultural delusion
59
00:09:20,100 --> 00:09:21,400
that the sun's apparent position
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00:09:21,500 --> 00:09:24,400
relative to arbitrarily defined
constellations at the time of your birth
61
00:09:24,600 --> 00:09:26,400
somehow affects your personality.
62
00:09:29,100 --> 00:09:30,500
Participate in the what?
63
00:09:31,000 --> 00:09:32,900
I think
what Sheldon's trying to say
64
00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:35,900
is that Sagittarius wouldn't have been
our first guess.
65
00:09:36,400 --> 00:09:38,500
Yeah, a lot of people
think I'm a water sign.
66
00:09:39,300 --> 00:09:41,100
Okay, let's see, what else.
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00:09:41,300 --> 00:09:43,300
I'm a vegetarian.
Except for fish.
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00:09:43,400 --> 00:09:45,500
And the occasional steak. I love steak!
69
00:09:48,100 --> 00:09:49,200
Well, that's interesting.
70
00:09:49,500 --> 00:09:51,300
Leonard can't process corn.
71
00:09:55,600 --> 00:09:57,900
Well... do you have some sort of a job?
72
00:09:58,900 --> 00:10:01,100
I'm a waitress
at The Cheesecake Factory.
73
00:10:01,700 --> 00:10:02,900
I love cheesecake.
74
00:10:03,000 --> 00:10:04,100
You're lactose-intolerant.
75
00:10:04,200 --> 00:10:06,700
I don't eat it...
I just think it's a good idea.
76
00:10:07,800 --> 00:10:10,100
Anyways, I'm also writing a screenplay.
77
00:10:10,200 --> 00:10:13,300
It's about this sensitive girl who comes
to L.A. from Lincoln, Nebraska,
78
00:10:13,400 --> 00:10:16,900
to be an actress and winds up
a waitress at The Cheesecake Factory.
79
00:10:18,600 --> 00:10:20,300
So, it's based on your life.
80
00:10:20,500 --> 00:10:21,600
No, I'm from Omaha.
81
00:10:25,900 --> 00:10:27,900
If that was movie, I would go see it.
82
00:10:28,000 --> 00:10:29,100
I know, right?
83
00:10:29,600 --> 00:10:31,400
Okay, let's see, what else...
84
00:10:32,700 --> 00:10:34,500
Guess that's about it.
85
00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:36,500
That's the story of Penny.
86
00:10:37,600 --> 00:10:39,200
It sounds wonderful.
87
00:10:40,500 --> 00:10:41,500
It was.
88
00:10:42,100 --> 00:10:44,600
Until I fell in love with a jerk!
89
00:10:48,400 --> 00:10:49,400
What's happening?
90
00:10:52,400 --> 00:10:54,800
God, you know,
4 years I lived with him.
91
00:10:54,900 --> 00:10:57,800
4 years... that's like
as long as high school.
92
00:10:57,900 --> 00:11:00,000
It took you 4 years
to get through high school?
93
00:11:02,600 --> 00:11:05,400
It just... I can't believe
I trusted him.
94
00:11:10,400 --> 00:11:13,000
Should I say something?
I feel like I should say something.
95
00:11:13,100 --> 00:11:14,800
You? No, you'll only make it worse.
96
00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:17,100
You want to know the most pathetic part?
97
00:11:17,300 --> 00:11:20,300
Even though I hate
his lying, cheating guts...
98
00:11:21,000 --> 00:11:22,500
I still love him.
99
00:11:23,500 --> 00:11:24,500
Is that crazy?
100
00:11:28,100 --> 00:11:30,500
No, it's not crazy. It's a...
101
00:11:31,500 --> 00:11:33,000
It's a paradox.
102
00:11:33,200 --> 00:11:36,700
Paradoxes are part of nature.
Think about light.
103
00:11:36,800 --> 00:11:39,300
If you look at Huygens, light is a wave,
104
00:11:39,400 --> 00:11:41,300
as confirmed
by the double-slit experiments,
105
00:11:41,400 --> 00:11:43,700
but then along comes Albert Einstein
106
00:11:43,800 --> 00:11:47,100
and discovers that light
behaves like particles, too.
107
00:11:49,700 --> 00:11:51,300
Well, I didn't make it worse.
108
00:11:53,700 --> 00:11:55,700
I'm so sorry. I'm such a mess.
109
00:11:56,200 --> 00:11:58,300
On top of everything else,
I'm all gross from moving
110
00:11:58,400 --> 00:12:00,000
and my stupid shower doesn't even work.
111
00:12:00,100 --> 00:12:01,200
Our shower works.
112
00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:05,000
Really? Would it be totally
weird if I used it?
113
00:12:05,100 --> 00:12:06,300
- Yes.
- No.
114
00:12:09,300 --> 00:12:10,700
It's right down the hall.
115
00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:12,000
Thanks.
116
00:12:12,200 --> 00:12:13,700
You guys are really sweet.
117
00:12:20,400 --> 00:12:22,800
Well, this is an
interesting development.
118
00:12:25,900 --> 00:12:26,900
How so?
119
00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:29,200
It has been some time
since we've had a woman
120
00:12:29,300 --> 00:12:31,000
take her clothes off in our apartment.
121
00:12:31,800 --> 00:12:33,600
That's not true.
Remember at Thanksgiving,
122
00:12:33,700 --> 00:12:36,200
my grandmother with Alzheimer's
had that episode?
123
00:12:38,300 --> 00:12:40,000
Point taken.
It has been some time
124
00:12:40,100 --> 00:12:41,900
since we've had a woman
take her clothes off,
125
00:12:42,100 --> 00:12:44,400
after which we didn't
want to rip our eyes out.
126
00:12:45,800 --> 00:12:48,700
The worst part was watching
her carve that turkey.
127
00:12:49,700 --> 00:12:52,600
So what exactly are you
trying to accomplish here?
128
00:12:53,500 --> 00:12:54,600
Excuse me?
129
00:12:54,800 --> 00:12:56,900
That woman is not
going to have sex with you.
130
00:12:57,100 --> 00:12:59,400
I'm not trying to have sex with her.
131
00:12:59,500 --> 00:13:01,500
Good. Then you won't be disappointed.
132
00:13:02,800 --> 00:13:05,100
What makes you think she
wouldn't have sex with me?
133
00:13:05,200 --> 00:13:07,100
I'm a male and she's a female.
134
00:13:07,600 --> 00:13:09,800
Yes, but not of the same species.
135
00:13:10,800 --> 00:13:13,100
I'm not going to engage
in hypotheticals here.
136
00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:15,000
I'm just trying to be a good neighbor.
137
00:13:15,400 --> 00:13:16,500
Of course.
138
00:13:17,100 --> 00:13:20,000
That's not to say that if a carnal
relationship were to develop,
139
00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:21,700
that I wouldn't participate.
140
00:13:24,100 --> 00:13:25,200
However briefly.
141
00:13:26,800 --> 00:13:29,100
Do you think this possibility
will be helped or hindered
142
00:13:29,200 --> 00:13:32,600
when she discovers your Luke Skywalker
no-more-tears shampoo?
143
00:13:33,900 --> 00:13:35,300
It's Darth Vader shampoo.
144
00:13:37,300 --> 00:13:39,200
Luke Skywalker's the conditioner.
145
00:13:41,800 --> 00:13:44,500
- Wait till you see this.
- It's fantastic, unbelievable.
146
00:13:44,600 --> 00:13:45,600
See what?
147
00:13:46,900 --> 00:13:51,000
It's a Stephen Hawking lecture
from MIT in 1974.
148
00:13:51,100 --> 00:13:52,200
This isn't a good time.
149
00:13:52,300 --> 00:13:55,400
It's before he became
a creepy computer voice.
150
00:13:58,800 --> 00:14:00,700
- That's great. You guys have to go.
- Why?
151
00:14:00,800 --> 00:14:02,000
It's just not a good time.
152
00:14:02,100 --> 00:14:03,700
Leonard has a lady over.
153
00:14:04,400 --> 00:14:06,800
Yeah, right... your
grandmother back in town?
154
00:14:10,100 --> 00:14:12,600
And she's not a lady.
She's just a new neighbor.
155
00:14:12,900 --> 00:14:15,300
Hang on, there really is a lady here?
156
00:14:16,500 --> 00:14:19,600
And you want us out because
you're anticipating coitus?
157
00:14:20,100 --> 00:14:21,700
I'm not anticipating coitus.
158
00:14:21,800 --> 00:14:23,100
So she's available for coitus?
159
00:14:23,200 --> 00:14:25,600
Can we please just stop saying "coitus"?
160
00:14:25,700 --> 00:14:28,500
Technically, that would
be"coitus interruptus. "
161
00:14:29,200 --> 00:14:32,300
Hey, is there a trick to getting it
to switch from tub to shower...?
162
00:14:32,900 --> 00:14:34,900
Hi. Sorry.
Hello.
163
00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:38,600
Enchanté, mademoiselle.
164
00:14:40,900 --> 00:14:44,000
Howard Wolowitz,
Caltech department of applied physics.
165
00:14:44,100 --> 00:14:46,200
You may be familiar
with some of my work.
166
00:14:46,400 --> 00:14:48,900
It's currently orbiting
Jupiter's largest moon
167
00:14:49,000 --> 00:14:51,400
taking high-resolution
digital photographs.
168
00:14:52,500 --> 00:14:54,800
Penny. I work at The Cheesecake Factory.
169
00:14:55,400 --> 00:14:57,200
I'll show you the trick with the shower.
170
00:14:57,800 --> 00:14:58,800
Bonne douche.
171
00:14:59,500 --> 00:15:00,900
I'm sorry?
172
00:15:01,100 --> 00:15:02,900
It's French for "good shower. "
173
00:15:03,000 --> 00:15:05,700
It's a sentiment I can express
in six languages.
174
00:15:06,600 --> 00:15:08,300
Save it for your blog, Howard.
175
00:15:16,400 --> 00:15:18,700
All right, there it goes.
It sticks. I'm sorry.
176
00:15:18,800 --> 00:15:20,400
- Okay, thanks.
- You're welcome.
177
00:15:20,500 --> 00:15:22,500
You're just gonna
to step right... Okay, I'll...
178
00:15:23,500 --> 00:15:26,200
- Hey, Leonard?
- The hair products are Sheldon's.
179
00:15:28,400 --> 00:15:30,000
Can I ask you a favor?
180
00:15:30,200 --> 00:15:31,200
A favor?
181
00:15:31,800 --> 00:15:34,900
Sure, you can ask me a favor.
I would do you a favor for you.
182
00:15:35,800 --> 00:15:37,200
It's okay if you say no.
183
00:15:37,400 --> 00:15:39,000
I'll probably say yes.
184
00:15:40,200 --> 00:15:43,500
It's just not the kind of thing
you ask a guy you just met.
1
00:15:53,800 --> 00:15:56,800
I really think we should examine
the chain of causality here.
2
00:15:56,900 --> 00:15:58,300
- Must we?
- Event A...
3
00:15:58,400 --> 00:16:00,600
A beautiful woman
stands naked in our shower.
4
00:16:00,700 --> 00:16:04,100
Event B... we drive halfway across town
to retrieve a television set
5
00:16:04,200 --> 00:16:06,100
from the aforementioned
woman's ex-boyfriend.
6
00:16:06,300 --> 00:16:08,400
Query... on what plane of existence
7
00:16:08,500 --> 00:16:11,700
is there even a semi-rational
link between these events?
8
00:16:12,900 --> 00:16:15,200
She asked me to do her a favor, Sheldon.
9
00:16:15,500 --> 00:16:18,000
Yes, well, that may be
the proximal cause of our journey,
10
00:16:18,100 --> 00:16:20,500
but we both know it only exists
in contradistinction
11
00:16:20,700 --> 00:16:22,500
to the higher level distal cause.
12
00:16:22,600 --> 00:16:24,900
- Which is?
- You think with your penis.
13
00:16:26,200 --> 00:16:29,700
That's a biological impossibility.
And you didn't have to come.
14
00:16:29,800 --> 00:16:32,800
Right, I could have stayed behind
and watch Wolowitz try to hit on Penny
15
00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:34,500
in Russian, Arabic and Farsi.
16
00:16:35,500 --> 00:16:37,200
Why can't she get her own TV?
17
00:16:37,400 --> 00:16:39,300
Come on, you know
how it is with breakups.
18
00:16:39,400 --> 00:16:41,500
No, I don't... and neither do you.
19
00:16:42,700 --> 00:16:44,200
I broke up with Joyce Kim.
20
00:16:44,300 --> 00:16:47,500
You did not break up with Joyce Kim.
She defected to North Korea.
21
00:16:47,800 --> 00:16:49,500
To mend her broken heart.
22
00:16:53,000 --> 00:16:55,600
This situation is much less complicated.
23
00:16:55,800 --> 00:16:58,400
There's some kind of dispute
between Penny and her ex-boyfriend
24
00:16:58,500 --> 00:17:00,100
as to who gets custody of the TV.
25
00:17:00,400 --> 00:17:02,400
She just wanted to avoid
having a scene with him.
26
00:17:02,500 --> 00:17:06,500
- So we get to have a scene with him?
- No, there's not going to be a scene.
27
00:17:06,900 --> 00:17:08,600
There's two of us and one of him.
28
00:17:08,800 --> 00:17:11,400
Leonard, the two of us
can't even carry a TV.
29
00:17:13,600 --> 00:17:16,500
So, you guys work with Leonard
and Sheldon at the university?
30
00:17:22,300 --> 00:17:24,300
I'm sorry, do you speak English?
31
00:17:25,100 --> 00:17:27,800
He speaks English.
He just can't speak to women.
32
00:17:28,700 --> 00:17:29,900
Really? Why?
33
00:17:30,400 --> 00:17:31,700
He's kind of a nerd.
34
00:17:34,700 --> 00:17:35,700
Juice box?
35
00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:42,100
I'll do the talking.
36
00:17:42,600 --> 00:17:45,400
- Yeah?
- Hi, I'm Leonard, this is Sheldon.
37
00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:47,200
- Hello.
- What did I just--
38
00:17:49,500 --> 00:17:52,300
- We're here to pick up Penny's TV.
- Get lost.
39
00:17:52,400 --> 00:17:53,600
Okay, thanks for you time.
40
00:17:54,200 --> 00:17:56,100
We're not going
to give up just like that.
41
00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:57,600
Leonard, the TV's in the building.
42
00:17:57,700 --> 00:18:00,500
We've been denied access
to the building, ergo, we are done.
43
00:18:00,800 --> 00:18:03,600
Excuse me. If I were to give up
on the first little hitch,
44
00:18:03,800 --> 00:18:06,400
I never would have identified
the fingerprints of string theory
45
00:18:06,500 --> 00:18:08,300
in the aftermath of the Big Bang.
46
00:18:09,700 --> 00:18:11,700
My apologies. What's your plan?
47
00:18:25,900 --> 00:18:28,500
It's just a privilege to watch
your mind at work.
48
00:18:29,700 --> 00:18:32,400
Come on, we have a combined IQ of 360.
49
00:18:32,500 --> 00:18:35,400
We should be able to figure out
how to get into a stupid building.
50
00:18:39,500 --> 00:18:41,100
What do you think their combined IQ is?
51
00:18:41,200 --> 00:18:42,200
Just grab the door!
52
00:18:44,900 --> 00:18:45,900
This is it.
53
00:18:47,500 --> 00:18:48,600
I'll do the talking.
54
00:18:48,900 --> 00:18:51,100
Good thinking.
I'll just be the muscle.
55
00:18:58,700 --> 00:18:59,700
Yeah?
56
00:18:59,900 --> 00:19:01,600
I'm Leonard, this is Sheldon.
57
00:19:02,100 --> 00:19:03,100
From the intercom.
58
00:19:05,100 --> 00:19:06,800
How the hell did you get
in the building?
59
00:19:08,200 --> 00:19:09,600
We're scientists.
60
00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:13,400
Tell him about our IQ.
61
00:19:26,300 --> 00:19:28,000
- Leonard...
- What?
62
00:19:28,100 --> 00:19:30,500
- My mom bought me those pants.
- I'm sorry.
63
00:19:32,000 --> 00:19:33,800
You're going to have to call her.
64
00:19:36,600 --> 00:19:39,400
Sheldon, I am so sorry
I dragged you through this.
65
00:19:39,600 --> 00:19:43,300
It's okay. It wasn't my first pantsing
and it won't be my last.
66
00:19:44,200 --> 00:19:45,700
And you were right about my motives.
67
00:19:45,800 --> 00:19:49,200
I was hoping to establish
a relationship with Penny
68
00:19:49,300 --> 00:19:51,300
that might have someday led to sex.
69
00:19:52,600 --> 00:19:54,400
Well, you got me out of my pants.
70
00:19:56,500 --> 00:19:58,200
Anyway, I've learned my lesson.
71
00:19:58,400 --> 00:20:00,200
She's out of my league,
I'm done with her.
72
00:20:00,300 --> 00:20:03,200
Got my work, one day
I'll win the Nobel Prize
73
00:20:03,300 --> 00:20:04,500
and then I'll die alone.
74
00:20:04,700 --> 00:20:07,600
Don't think like that.
You're not going to die alone.
75
00:20:07,800 --> 00:20:10,200
Thank you, Sheldon.
You're a good friend.
76
00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:14,900
And you're certainly not
going to win a Nobel Prize.
77
00:20:15,500 --> 00:20:19,100
This is one of my favorite places
to kick back after a quest.
78
00:20:19,400 --> 00:20:20,800
They have a great house ale.
79
00:20:21,400 --> 00:20:22,500
Cool tiger.
80
00:20:22,700 --> 00:20:24,600
Yeah, I've had him since level ten.
81
00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:27,100
His name is Buttons.
82
00:20:28,100 --> 00:20:30,300
Anyway, if you had
your own game character
83
00:20:30,500 --> 00:20:32,800
we could hang out, maybe go on a quest.
84
00:20:33,600 --> 00:20:35,600
That sounds interesting.
85
00:20:35,900 --> 00:20:36,900
You'll think about it?
86
00:20:37,300 --> 00:20:39,800
I don't think I'll be able
to stop thinking about it.
87
00:20:41,800 --> 00:20:42,800
Smooth.
88
00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:46,200
We're home.
89
00:20:46,700 --> 00:20:48,400
My God, what happened?
90
00:20:48,500 --> 00:20:50,600
Well, your ex-boyfriend
sends his regards
91
00:20:50,700 --> 00:20:53,500
and I think the rest
is fairly self-explanatory.
92
00:20:54,200 --> 00:20:57,500
I'm so sorry. I really thought
if you guys went instead of me
93
00:20:57,600 --> 00:20:58,800
he wouldn't be such an ass.
94
00:20:59,000 --> 00:21:01,000
No, it was a valid hypothesis.
95
00:21:01,100 --> 00:21:03,700
That was a valid...?
What is happening to you?
96
00:21:04,900 --> 00:21:08,500
Really, thank you so much
for going and trying, you're just...
97
00:21:09,200 --> 00:21:12,000
You're so terrific. Really.
98
00:21:13,300 --> 00:21:14,800
Why don't you put some clothes on,
99
00:21:14,900 --> 00:21:17,000
I'll get my purse,
and dinner is on me, okay?
100
00:21:17,100 --> 00:21:18,300
- Really? Great.
- Thank you.
101
00:21:24,900 --> 00:21:26,800
You're not done with her, are you?
102
00:21:28,200 --> 00:21:30,500
Are babies will be smart and beautiful.
103
00:21:33,200 --> 00:21:34,700
Not to mention imaginary.
1
00:21:44,000 --> 00:21:45,900
- Is Thai food okay with you, Penny?
- Sure.
2
00:21:46,000 --> 00:21:47,000
We can't have Thai food,
3
00:21:47,100 --> 00:21:48,800
- we had Indian for lunch.
- So?
4
00:21:49,100 --> 00:21:51,500
- They're both curry-based cuisines.
- So?
5
00:21:51,600 --> 00:21:53,500
It would be gastronomically redundant.
6
00:21:53,700 --> 00:21:57,500
I can see we're going to have
to spell out everything for this girl.
7
00:21:58,000 --> 00:21:59,200
Any ideas, Raj?
8
00:22:01,700 --> 00:22:03,900
Turn left on Lake Street
and head up to Colorado.
9
00:22:04,000 --> 00:22:06,700
I know a wonderful
little sushi bar that has karaoke.
10
00:22:06,900 --> 00:22:08,100
That sounds like fun.
11
00:22:21,500 --> 00:22:23,800
I don't know what your odds
are in the world as a whole,
12
00:22:23,900 --> 00:22:25,900
but as far as the population
of this car goes,
13
00:22:26,000 --> 00:22:27,700
you're a veritable mack daddy.
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
www.tvsubtitles.net
10000
00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:13,000
The Big Bang Theory - 1x02 - The Big Bran Hypothesis
00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,000

1
00:00:00,700 --> 00:00:02,700
Here we go.
Pad thai, no peanuts.
2
00:00:02,800 --> 00:00:04,100
But does it have peanut oil?
3
00:00:04,300 --> 00:00:05,500
I'm not sure.
4
00:00:05,600 --> 00:00:08,200
Everyone keep an eye on Howard
in case he starts to swell up.
5
00:00:09,700 --> 00:00:12,300
Since it's not bee season,
you can have my epinephrine.
6
00:00:13,500 --> 00:00:16,100
- Are there any chopsticks.
- No need. This is Thai food.
7
00:00:16,300 --> 00:00:17,400
Here we go.
8
00:00:17,600 --> 00:00:20,400
Thailand has had the fork since
the latter half of the 19th Century.
9
00:00:20,600 --> 00:00:22,800
Interestingly they don't put the fork
in their mouth--
10
00:00:23,000 --> 00:00:25,900
they use it to put the food on a spoon
which then goes into their mouth.
11
00:00:27,500 --> 00:00:29,200
Ask him for a napkin.
I dare you.
12
00:00:31,300 --> 00:00:32,300
I'll get it.
13
00:00:32,900 --> 00:00:34,600
Do I look puffy? I feel puffy.
14
00:00:36,500 --> 00:00:38,000
- Hey, Leonard.
- Oh, hi, Penny.
15
00:00:38,100 --> 00:00:40,500
- Am I interrupting?
- No. You're not swelling, Howard.
16
00:00:41,100 --> 00:00:43,300
Look at my fingers.
They're like Vienna sausages.
17
00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:46,800
- Sounds like you have company.
- They're not going anywhere.
18
00:00:48,200 --> 00:00:50,800
So, you're coming home from work.
That's great. How was work?
19
00:00:51,000 --> 00:00:52,600
You know, it's a Cheesecake Factory.
20
00:00:52,700 --> 00:00:54,700
People order cheesecake
and I bring it to them.
21
00:00:55,100 --> 00:00:59,600
So you kind of act like
a carbohydrate delivery system.
22
00:01:01,700 --> 00:01:04,000
Yeah. Call it whatever you want,
I get minimum wage.
23
00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:08,400
I was wondering if you could help me out
24
00:01:08,500 --> 00:01:09,800
- with something.
- Yes.
25
00:01:11,100 --> 00:01:12,500
Great. I'm having some furniture
26
00:01:12,700 --> 00:01:14,600
delivered tomorrow
and I may not be here, so...
27
00:01:17,000 --> 00:01:18,000
Hello.
28
00:01:22,500 --> 00:01:24,300
- I'm sorry?
- Haven't you ever been told
29
00:01:24,400 --> 00:01:26,200
how beautiful you are
in flawless Russian?
30
00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:28,000
No, I haven't.
31
00:01:28,200 --> 00:01:29,200
Get used to it.
32
00:01:30,300 --> 00:01:31,900
Yeah. I probably won't.
33
00:01:32,900 --> 00:01:34,000
- Hey, Sheldon.
- Hi.
34
00:01:34,300 --> 00:01:35,300
Hey, Raj.
35
00:01:37,600 --> 00:01:39,000
Still not talking to me, huh?
36
00:01:39,300 --> 00:01:41,300
Don't take it personally,
it's his pathology.
37
00:01:41,400 --> 00:01:42,600
He can't talk to women.
38
00:01:42,800 --> 00:01:45,000
It can't talk to atractive woman,
or in your case,
39
00:01:45,100 --> 00:01:47,000
a cheesecake- scented goddess.
40
00:01:47,600 --> 00:01:49,900
So there's gonna be
some furniture delivered?
41
00:01:50,100 --> 00:01:52,200
If it gets here and I'm not here,
could you sign
42
00:01:52,300 --> 00:01:54,000
and have them put it in my apartment?
43
00:01:54,200 --> 00:01:55,200
No problem.
44
00:01:55,400 --> 00:01:57,100
Great. Here's my spare key.
Thank you.
45
00:01:59,700 --> 00:02:00,700
Penny, wait.
46
00:02:04,100 --> 00:02:06,600
If you don't have any other plans,
do you want to join us
47
00:02:06,800 --> 00:02:08,900
for Thai food
and a Superman movie marathon?
48
00:02:09,300 --> 00:02:11,900
A marathon?
How many Superman movies are there?
49
00:02:12,600 --> 00:02:13,900
You're kidding, right?
50
00:02:15,400 --> 00:02:17,900
I do like the one where Lois Lane
falls from the helicopter
51
00:02:18,000 --> 00:02:20,600
and Superman swooshes down
and catches her. Which one was that?
52
00:02:20,800 --> 00:02:21,800
One.
53
00:02:22,900 --> 00:02:25,900
You realize that scene
was rife with scientific inaccuracy.
54
00:02:26,500 --> 00:02:28,100
Yes, I know, men can't fly.
55
00:02:28,400 --> 00:02:29,800
No.
Let's assume that they can.
56
00:02:31,600 --> 00:02:32,800
Lois Lane is falling,
57
00:02:32,900 --> 00:02:35,600
accelerating at an initial rate
of 32 feet per second per second.
58
00:02:35,800 --> 00:02:38,800
Superman swoops down to save her
by reaching out two arms of steel.
59
00:02:39,000 --> 00:02:40,600
Miss Lane, who is now traveling
60
00:02:40,800 --> 00:02:42,400
at approximately 120 miles an hour,
61
00:02:42,600 --> 00:02:45,200
hits them and is immediately
sliced into three equal pieces.
62
00:02:47,900 --> 00:02:51,000
Unless Superman matches
her speed and decelerates.
63
00:02:51,400 --> 00:02:54,500
In what space, sir?
She's two feet above the ground.
64
00:02:55,300 --> 00:02:57,800
Frankly, if he really loved her,
he'd let her hit the pavement.
65
00:02:58,000 --> 00:02:59,400
It'd be a more merciful death.
66
00:03:00,300 --> 00:03:04,300
Excuse me, your entire argument
is predicated on the assumption
67
00:03:04,500 --> 00:03:06,600
that Superman's flight
is a feat of strength.
68
00:03:06,800 --> 00:03:08,900
Are you listening to yourself?
It is well established
69
00:03:09,100 --> 00:03:10,600
that his flight is a feat of strength.
70
00:03:10,700 --> 00:03:13,000
It is an extension of his
ability to leap tall buildings,
71
00:03:13,100 --> 00:03:15,600
an ability he derives from
exposure to Earth's yellow sun.
72
00:03:15,700 --> 00:03:17,400
And how does he fly at night?
73
00:03:17,800 --> 00:03:19,900
A combination
of the moon's solar reflection
74
00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:22,600
and the energy-storage capacity
of Kryptonian skin cells.
75
00:03:24,400 --> 00:03:25,800
I'm just gonna go wash up.
76
00:03:26,300 --> 00:03:29,300
I have 2,600 comic books in there.
I challenge you
77
00:03:29,500 --> 00:03:31,700
to find a single reference
to Kryptonian skin cells.
78
00:03:31,900 --> 00:03:33,200
Challenge accepted.
79
00:03:37,100 --> 00:03:38,300
We're locked out.
80
00:03:38,900 --> 00:03:40,600
Also, the pretty girl left.
81
00:03:42,900 --> 00:03:45,600
o/~ Our whole universe
was in a hot, dense state o/~
82
00:03:45,700 --> 00:03:49,100
o/~ Then nearly 14 billion years
ago expansion started... Wait! o/~
83
00:03:49,300 --> 00:03:50,700
o/~ The Earth began to cool o/~
84
00:03:50,900 --> 00:03:53,600
o/~ The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools o/~
85
00:03:53,700 --> 00:03:55,800
o/~ We built the Wall o/~
o/~ We built the pyramid so/~
86
00:03:56,100 --> 00:03:58,300
o/~ Math, Science, History,
unraveling the mystery o/~
87
00:03:58,600 --> 00:04:00,800
o/~ That all started with a big bang o/~
88
00:04:01,500 --> 00:04:05,500
Season 1 Episode 2:
The Big Bran Hypothesis
1
00:04:14,200 --> 00:04:17,000
Her apartment's on the fourth floor
but the elevator's broken, so...
2
00:04:17,200 --> 00:04:19,500
You're just gonna be done?
Okay. Cool. Thanks
3
00:04:21,100 --> 00:04:22,600
We'll just bring it up ourselves.
4
00:04:22,900 --> 00:04:24,200
I hardly think so.
5
00:04:25,600 --> 00:04:26,600
Why not?
6
00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:28,700
Well, we don't have a dolly,
7
00:04:28,900 --> 00:04:32,300
or lifting belts
or any measurable upper-body strength.
8
00:04:33,500 --> 00:04:35,500
We don't need strength--
we're physicists.
9
00:04:36,000 --> 00:04:38,300
We are the intellectual
descendants of Archimedes.
10
00:04:38,500 --> 00:04:40,700
Give me a fulcrum and a lever
and I can move the Earth.
11
00:04:40,800 --> 00:04:42,700
It's just a matter of...
I don't have this.
12
00:04:44,700 --> 00:04:46,200
Archimedes would be so proud.
13
00:04:53,300 --> 00:04:54,600
Do you have any ideas?
14
00:04:55,200 --> 00:04:57,900
Yes, but they all involve
a green lantern and a power ring.
15
00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:02,300
Easy... easy.
16
00:05:07,800 --> 00:05:10,300
Now we've got an inclined plane.
The force required to lift
17
00:05:10,500 --> 00:05:12,500
is reduced by the sine
of the angle of the stairs,
18
00:05:12,700 --> 00:05:14,300
call it 30 degrees, so, about half.
19
00:05:14,900 --> 00:05:16,000
Exactly half.
20
00:05:18,300 --> 00:05:19,300
Exactly half.
21
00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:22,000
Let's push.
22
00:05:26,300 --> 00:05:27,900
See, it's moving, this is easy.
23
00:05:28,600 --> 00:05:29,800
It's all in the math.
24
00:05:30,900 --> 00:05:33,200
- What's your formula for the corner?
- What?
25
00:05:39,700 --> 00:05:40,800
Okay, no problem.
26
00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:42,800
Just come up here,
help me pull and turn.
27
00:05:47,800 --> 00:05:50,200
Ah, gravity,
thou art a heartless bitch.
28
00:05:52,600 --> 00:05:56,100
You do understand that our efforts here
will in no way increase the odds
29
00:05:56,300 --> 00:05:58,200
of you having sexual congress
with this woman.
30
00:05:59,600 --> 00:06:02,000
Men do things for women
without expecting sex.
31
00:06:02,400 --> 00:06:04,200
Those would be men who just had sex.
32
00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:07,900
I'm doing this
to be a good neighbor.
33
00:06:08,900 --> 00:06:11,300
In any case, there's no way
it could lower the odds.
34
00:06:14,400 --> 00:06:15,400
Almost there.
35
00:06:16,400 --> 00:06:17,400
Almost there.
36
00:06:18,400 --> 00:06:19,900
- Almost there.
- No, we're not.
37
00:06:20,100 --> 00:06:21,800
- I'm sorry.
- No, we're not!
38
00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:25,100
Watch your fingers.
39
00:06:25,300 --> 00:06:26,800
Oh, God, my fingers!
40
00:06:29,200 --> 00:06:30,900
- You okay?
- No, her...
41
00:06:31,500 --> 00:06:33,800
Great Caesar's ghost,
look at this place.
42
00:06:36,400 --> 00:06:37,600
So Penny's a little messy.
43
00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:39,400
A little messy?
44
00:06:39,700 --> 00:06:42,600
The Mandelbrot set of complex
numbers is a little messy.
45
00:06:42,700 --> 00:06:43,800
This is chaos.
46
00:06:44,500 --> 00:06:45,500
Excuse me.
47
00:06:46,100 --> 00:06:47,700
Explain to me
an organizational system
48
00:06:47,900 --> 00:06:49,900
where a tray of flatware
on a couch is valid.
49
00:06:51,200 --> 00:06:52,700
I'm just inferring this is a couch
50
00:06:52,900 --> 00:06:54,700
because the evidence suggests
the coffee table
51
00:06:54,900 --> 00:06:56,300
is having a tiny garage sale.
52
00:06:58,000 --> 00:07:00,000
Did it ever occur to you
that not everyone has
53
00:07:00,200 --> 00:07:02,400
the compulsive need to sort,
organize and label
54
00:07:02,600 --> 00:07:03,900
the entire world around them?
55
00:07:04,900 --> 00:07:05,900
No.
56
00:07:07,400 --> 00:07:08,400
Well, they don't.
57
00:07:08,800 --> 00:07:10,400
Hard as it may be for you to believe,
58
00:07:10,600 --> 00:07:13,900
most people don't sort their breakfast
cereal numerically by fiber content.
59
00:07:15,500 --> 00:07:18,100
Excuse me, but I think we've both
found that helpful at times.
60
00:07:21,600 --> 00:07:23,600
- Come on, we should go.
- Hang on.
61
00:07:25,400 --> 00:07:27,600
- What are you doing?
- I'm straightening up.
62
00:07:28,400 --> 00:07:29,900
This is not your home.
63
00:07:30,100 --> 00:07:33,600
This is not anyone's home.
This is a swirling vortex of entropy.
64
00:07:35,600 --> 00:07:38,900
When the transvestite lived here,
you didn't care how he kept the place.
65
00:07:39,100 --> 00:07:40,600
Because it was immaculate.
66
00:07:40,700 --> 00:07:42,800
I mean, you opened
that man's closet,
67
00:07:43,000 --> 00:07:44,600
it was left to right evening gowns,
68
00:07:44,800 --> 00:07:47,000
cocktail dresses,
then his police uniforms.
69
00:07:48,600 --> 00:07:50,000
What were you doing in his closet?
70
00:07:50,200 --> 00:07:52,300
I helped him run
some cable for a web cam.
71
00:07:54,400 --> 00:07:56,600
This just arrived,
we just brought this up... just now.
72
00:07:57,000 --> 00:07:59,000
Great.
Was it hard getting it up the stairs?
73
00:07:59,200 --> 00:08:00,500
- No.
- "No"?
74
00:08:00,700 --> 00:08:01,700
No.
75
00:08:02,200 --> 00:08:03,200
No.
76
00:08:04,300 --> 00:08:05,900
Well, we'll get out of your hair.
77
00:08:06,000 --> 00:08:07,400
Okay, great.
Thank you again.
78
00:08:12,500 --> 00:08:15,200
I just want you to know
that you don't have to live like this.
79
00:08:16,500 --> 00:08:17,500
I'm here for you.
80
00:08:19,900 --> 00:08:21,300
What's he talking about?
81
00:08:22,800 --> 00:08:24,300
- It's a joke.
- I don't get it.
82
00:08:24,500 --> 00:08:25,900
Yeah, he didn't tell it right.
83
00:09:22,400 --> 00:09:23,700
Penny's sleeping.
84
00:09:26,200 --> 00:09:27,300
Are you insane?
85
00:09:27,500 --> 00:09:29,300
You can't just break
into a woman's apartment
86
00:09:29,500 --> 00:09:31,100
in the middle
of the night and clean.
87
00:09:31,300 --> 00:09:33,700
I had no choice.
I couldn't sleep knowing
88
00:09:33,900 --> 00:09:35,900
that just outside my bedroom
was our living room,
89
00:09:36,000 --> 00:09:38,100
and just outside our living room
was that hallway,
90
00:09:38,300 --> 00:09:41,100
and immediately adjacent
to the hallway was... this.
91
00:09:43,400 --> 00:09:45,200
Do you realize
that if Penny wakes up,
92
00:09:45,500 --> 00:09:48,100
there is no reasonable explanation
as to why we're here.
93
00:09:48,700 --> 00:09:50,900
I just gave you
a reasonable explanation.
94
00:09:51,900 --> 00:09:54,000
No, no, you gave me
an explanation.
95
00:09:54,400 --> 00:09:57,500
Its reasonableness will be determined
by a jury of your peers.
96
00:09:58,400 --> 00:10:00,800
Don't be ridiculous.
I have no peers.
97
00:10:01,500 --> 00:10:03,200
We have to get out of here.
98
00:10:06,400 --> 00:10:09,000
You might want to speak
in a lower register.
99
00:10:09,500 --> 00:10:10,500
What?
100
00:10:11,200 --> 00:10:12,900
Evolution has made women sensitive
101
00:10:13,100 --> 00:10:14,800
to high-pitched noises
while they sleep
102
00:10:14,900 --> 00:10:16,900
so that they'll be
roused by a crying baby.
103
00:10:17,100 --> 00:10:18,600
If you want to avoid waking her,
104
00:10:18,900 --> 00:10:20,500
speak in a lower register.
105
00:10:22,400 --> 00:10:23,800
That's ridiculous!
106
00:10:27,000 --> 00:10:28,000
No.
107
00:10:28,900 --> 00:10:30,400
"That's ridiculous."
108
00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:34,800
Fine.
109
00:10:36,900 --> 00:10:39,600
I accept your premise.
Now, please, let's go.
110
00:10:40,000 --> 00:10:42,000
I'm not leaving until I'm done.
111
00:10:46,500 --> 00:10:49,300
If you have time to lean,
you have time to clean.
112
00:10:53,500 --> 00:10:54,900
Oh, what the hell.
113
00:11:00,900 --> 00:11:01,900
Morning.
114
00:11:02,700 --> 00:11:03,700
Morning.
115
00:11:04,300 --> 00:11:06,500
I have to say
I slept splendidly.
116
00:11:07,700 --> 00:11:10,300
Granted, not long,
but just deeply and well.
117
00:11:11,000 --> 00:11:12,300
I'm not surprised.
118
00:11:12,500 --> 00:11:14,100
A well-known folk cure for insomnia
119
00:11:14,300 --> 00:11:16,900
is to break in your neighbor's
apartment and clean.
120
00:11:18,100 --> 00:11:19,100
Sarcasm?
121
00:11:19,900 --> 00:11:20,900
You think?
122
00:11:21,800 --> 00:11:24,200
Granted, my methods may have
been somewhat unorthodox,
123
00:11:24,500 --> 00:11:27,200
but I think the end result
will be a measurable enhancement
124
00:11:27,300 --> 00:11:29,700
- to Penny's quality of life
- You've convinced me.
125
00:11:29,800 --> 00:11:32,500
Maybe tonight we should sneak in
and shampoo her carpet.
126
00:11:33,200 --> 00:11:35,800
- You don't think that crosses a line?
- Yes.
127
00:11:36,100 --> 00:11:37,400
For God's sake,
128
00:11:37,500 --> 00:11:41,300
do I have to hold up a sarcasm sign
every time I open my mouth?
129
00:11:41,800 --> 00:11:43,400
You have a sarcasm sign?
130
00:11:46,400 --> 00:11:48,400
No, I do not have
a sarcasm sign.
131
00:11:49,400 --> 00:11:51,600
Do you want some cereal?
I feel so good today,
132
00:11:51,800 --> 00:11:54,000
I'm gonna choose from
the low-fiber end of the shelf.
133
00:11:54,200 --> 00:11:55,600
Hello, Honey Puffs.
134
00:11:56,600 --> 00:11:57,800
Son of a bitch!
135
00:11:59,900 --> 00:12:00,900
Penny's up.
136
00:12:01,900 --> 00:12:04,300
You sick geeky bastards!
137
00:12:05,800 --> 00:12:07,400
How did she know it was us?
138
00:12:08,800 --> 00:12:11,100
I may have left a suggested
organizational schematic
139
00:12:11,300 --> 00:12:12,600
for her bedroom closet.
140
00:12:14,200 --> 00:12:15,500
God, this is gonna be bad.
141
00:12:15,800 --> 00:12:18,000
Good-bye, Honey Puffs.
Hello, Big Bran.
142
00:12:19,400 --> 00:12:21,800
You came into my apartment last
night while I was sleeping?!
143
00:12:21,900 --> 00:12:23,200
Yes, but only to clean.
144
00:12:23,400 --> 00:12:26,000
Really more to organize.
You're not actually dirty, per se.
145
00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:28,500
Give me back my key.
146
00:12:30,100 --> 00:12:31,200
I'm very, very sorry.
147
00:12:31,300 --> 00:12:33,300
Do you understand
how creepy this is?
148
00:12:33,500 --> 00:12:35,600
Oh, yes, we discussed it
at length last night.
149
00:12:36,000 --> 00:12:38,200
In my apartment,
while I was sleeping?!
150
00:12:38,500 --> 00:12:41,500
And snoring. And that's probably
just a sinus infection.
151
00:12:41,800 --> 00:12:43,200
But it could be sleep apnea.
152
00:12:43,400 --> 00:12:45,300
You might want to see
an otolaryngologist.
153
00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:49,200
A throat doctor.
154
00:12:51,000 --> 00:12:53,900
And what kind of doctor
removes shoes from asses?
155
00:12:55,000 --> 00:12:56,300
Depending on the depth,
156
00:12:56,500 --> 00:12:59,200
that's either
a... proctologist
157
00:12:59,400 --> 00:13:00,800
or a general surgeon.
158
00:13:12,100 --> 00:13:13,600
I think what you're feeling
159
00:13:13,800 --> 00:13:15,700
is perfectly valid
and maybe a little bit later
160
00:13:15,800 --> 00:13:18,900
when you're feeling a little less...
for lack of a better word-- violated,
161
00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:20,700
maybe we can talk
about this some more.
162
00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:23,100
- Stay away from me.
- Sure, that's another way to go.
163
00:13:24,300 --> 00:13:25,300
Penny, Penny!
164
00:13:25,700 --> 00:13:27,200
Just to clarify,
165
00:13:27,400 --> 00:13:29,800
because there will be
a discussion when you leave,
166
00:13:31,300 --> 00:13:33,200
is your objection
solely to our presence
167
00:13:33,400 --> 00:13:35,100
in the apartment
while you were sleeping,
168
00:13:35,300 --> 00:13:39,600
or do you also object to the imposition
of a new organizational paradigm.
169
00:13:46,000 --> 00:13:48,100
Well, that was
a little non-responsive.
170
00:13:48,900 --> 00:13:51,800
You are going to march yourself
over there right now and apologize.
171
00:13:56,900 --> 00:13:57,900
What's funny?
172
00:13:58,300 --> 00:13:59,900
That wasn't sarcasm?
173
00:14:02,700 --> 00:14:05,300
Boy, you are all over
the place this morning.
174
00:14:09,400 --> 00:14:12,100
I have a master's and two Ph.D.s,
I should not have to do this.
175
00:14:13,400 --> 00:14:14,400
What?!
176
00:14:15,100 --> 00:14:17,300
I am truly sorry for what
happened last night.
177
00:14:17,500 --> 00:14:19,000
I take full responsibility.
178
00:14:19,600 --> 00:14:22,000
And I hope that it won't color
your opinion of Leonard,
179
00:14:22,200 --> 00:14:25,700
who is not only a wonderful guy,
but also, I hear,
180
00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:27,600
a gentle and
thorough lover.
181
00:14:40,300 --> 00:14:41,700
I did what I could.
182
00:14:46,500 --> 00:14:47,500
Hey, Raj.
183
00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:54,000
Hey, listen.
184
00:14:54,600 --> 00:14:56,900
I don't know if you heard about
what happened last night.
185
00:14:57,100 --> 00:14:58,500
but I'm really upset about it.
186
00:14:58,600 --> 00:15:00,800
I mean, they just...
they let themselves into my place
187
00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:03,200
and then they cleaned it.
Can you even believe that?
188
00:15:03,300 --> 00:15:04,500
How weird is that?
189
00:15:05,100 --> 00:15:06,600
She's standing very close to me.
190
00:15:08,000 --> 00:15:09,700
Oh, my, she does smell good.
191
00:15:10,100 --> 00:15:11,900
What is that, vanilla?
192
00:15:12,600 --> 00:15:14,400
You know,
where I come from,
193
00:15:14,600 --> 00:15:17,500
if someone comes into your house
at night, you shoot. Okay?
194
00:15:17,700 --> 00:15:19,000
And you don't shoot to wound.
195
00:15:19,200 --> 00:15:21,000
I mean, all right,
my sister shot her husband,
196
00:15:21,200 --> 00:15:22,900
but it was an accident,
they were drunk.
197
00:15:23,900 --> 00:15:25,300
Wait, what was I saying?
198
00:15:25,900 --> 00:15:27,600
She's so chatty.
199
00:15:28,800 --> 00:15:30,200
Maybe my parents are right.
200
00:15:30,500 --> 00:15:32,500
Maybe I'd be better off
with an Indian girl.
201
00:15:32,700 --> 00:15:34,300
We'd have the same
cultural background
202
00:15:34,500 --> 00:15:37,900
and my wife could sing to my children
the same lullabies my mother sang to me.
203
00:15:38,200 --> 00:15:40,000
It's obvious that they meant well,
but...
204
00:15:40,200 --> 00:15:42,900
I'm having a really rough time.
I broke up with my boyfriend
205
00:15:43,000 --> 00:15:44,600
and...
206
00:15:49,400 --> 00:15:52,800
Just because most of the men I've known
in my life happen to be jerks,
207
00:15:53,000 --> 00:15:55,700
doesn't mean I should just
assume Leonard and Sheldon are.
208
00:15:56,000 --> 00:15:57,000
Right?
209
00:15:57,200 --> 00:16:00,000
She asked me a question.
I should probably nod.
210
00:16:02,500 --> 00:16:03,900
That's exactly what I thought.
211
00:16:04,100 --> 00:16:06,300
Thank you for listening.
You're a doll.
212
00:16:08,900 --> 00:16:10,200
Turn your pelvis.
213
00:16:24,200 --> 00:16:26,400
Grab a napkin, homie.
You just got served.
214
00:16:29,700 --> 00:16:31,100
It's fine.You win.
215
00:16:32,900 --> 00:16:34,000
What's his problem?
216
00:16:34,500 --> 00:16:36,700
His imaginary girlfriend
broke up with him.
217
00:16:38,700 --> 00:16:39,700
Been there.
218
00:16:43,600 --> 00:16:44,600
Sorry I'm late,
219
00:16:44,800 --> 00:16:47,000
but I was in the hallway,
chatting up Penny.
220
00:16:47,800 --> 00:16:51,000
Really? You, Rajesh
Koothrappali, spoke to Penny?
221
00:16:51,500 --> 00:16:54,000
Actually, I was less
the chatter than the chat-ee.
222
00:16:54,900 --> 00:16:56,900
What did she say?
Is she still mad at me?
223
00:16:57,100 --> 00:16:58,500
Well, she was upset at first,
224
00:16:58,700 --> 00:17:01,200
but probably because
her sister shot somebody.
225
00:17:03,600 --> 00:17:05,400
But then there was
something about you,
226
00:17:05,600 --> 00:17:06,900
and then she hugged me.
227
00:17:07,700 --> 00:17:09,900
She hugged you?
How'd she hug you?
228
00:17:18,800 --> 00:17:20,300
Is that her perfume I smell?
229
00:17:22,600 --> 00:17:24,100
Intoxicating, isn't it?
230
00:17:41,000 --> 00:17:42,000
Hi.
231
00:17:44,400 --> 00:17:45,400
What's going on?
232
00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:49,100
Here's the thing.
233
00:17:55,700 --> 00:17:58,200
"Just as Oppenheimer came
to regret his contributions
234
00:17:58,300 --> 00:17:59,800
"to the first atomic bomb,
235
00:18:00,100 --> 00:18:02,300
"so too I regret
my participation in what was,
236
00:18:02,500 --> 00:18:04,500
"at the very least,
an error in judgment.
237
00:18:06,200 --> 00:18:08,200
"The hallmark of the
great human experiment
238
00:18:08,400 --> 00:18:10,400
"is the willingness to
recognize one's mistakes.
239
00:18:10,600 --> 00:18:12,900
"Some mistakes, such as
Madam Curie's discovery of radium,
240
00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:14,900
"turned out to have great
scientific potential,
241
00:18:15,000 --> 00:18:18,300
"even though she would later die a slow,
painful death "from radiation poisoning.
242
00:18:21,100 --> 00:18:23,300
Another example, from the
field of Ebola research..."
243
00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:30,400
We're okay.
244
00:18:49,200 --> 00:18:50,600
- Six two inch dowels.
- Check.
245
00:18:51,300 --> 00:18:53,600
- One package Phillips head screws.
- Check.
246
00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:55,700
You guys, seriously,
I grew up on a farm, okay?
247
00:18:55,900 --> 00:18:58,000
I rebuilt a tractor engine
when I was, like, 12.
248
00:18:58,200 --> 00:19:00,500
I think I can put together a cheap,
Swedish media center.
249
00:19:00,600 --> 00:19:03,600
No, please. We insist.
It's the least we can do, considering.
250
00:19:03,800 --> 00:19:05,100
Considering what?
251
00:19:05,300 --> 00:19:07,100
How great this place looks?
252
00:19:08,500 --> 00:19:10,600
- Oh, boy. I was afraid of this.
- What?
253
00:19:10,900 --> 00:19:13,500
These instructions are
a pictographic representation
254
00:19:13,700 --> 00:19:16,600
of the least imaginative way
to assemble these components.
255
00:19:16,700 --> 00:19:19,100
This, right here is why Sweden
has no space program.
256
00:19:20,700 --> 00:19:22,400
Well, it looked
pretty good in the store.
257
00:19:22,700 --> 00:19:25,500
It is an inefficient design.
For example, she has a flat screen TV,
258
00:19:25,700 --> 00:19:27,700
which means all the space
behind it is wasted.
259
00:19:27,900 --> 00:19:30,400
- We could put her stereo back there.
- And control it how?
260
00:19:30,600 --> 00:19:32,000
Run an infrared repeater.
261
00:19:32,100 --> 00:19:34,300
Photo cell here, emitter here,
easy-peasy.
262
00:19:35,800 --> 00:19:37,100
How are you gonna cool it?
263
00:19:37,200 --> 00:19:39,400
- Hey, guys, I got this.
- Hang on, Penny.
264
00:19:39,700 --> 00:19:42,000
How about fans?
Here and here.
265
00:19:42,200 --> 00:19:44,000
Also inefficient,
and might be loud.
266
00:19:44,200 --> 00:19:46,600
How about liquid coolant?
Maybe a little aquarium pump here,
267
00:19:46,800 --> 00:19:48,300
run some quarter-inch PVC...
268
00:19:48,500 --> 00:19:50,300
Guys, this is actually really simple.
269
00:19:51,300 --> 00:19:52,700
Hold on, honey.
Men at work.
270
00:19:55,300 --> 00:19:56,500
The PVC comes down here.
271
00:19:56,700 --> 00:19:58,900
Maybe a little corrugated
sheet metal as a radiator here.
272
00:19:59,100 --> 00:20:02,300
Yeah? Show me where we put a drip tray,
a sluice, and an overflow reservoir.
273
00:20:02,500 --> 00:20:05,400
If water's involved, we're gonna have
to ground the crap out of the thing.
274
00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:08,300
It's hot in here. I think
I'll just take off all my clothes.
275
00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:15,000
Oh, I've got it.
276
00:20:16,700 --> 00:20:17,900
What about if we replace
277
00:20:18,100 --> 00:20:21,700
panels A, B and F and crossbar H
with aircraft-grade aluminum?
278
00:20:21,900 --> 00:20:23,800
Right. Then the entire thing
is one heat sink.
279
00:20:23,900 --> 00:20:25,800
You and Sheldon
go to the junkyard and pick up
280
00:20:25,900 --> 00:20:27,300
6 square meters of scrap aluminum?
281
00:20:27,400 --> 00:20:29,300
Raj and I
will get the oxyacetylene torch.
282
00:20:29,500 --> 00:20:31,000
- Meet back here in an hour?
- Done.
283
00:20:35,300 --> 00:20:37,100
Okay, this place does look pretty good.
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
10000
00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:13,000
The Big Bang Theory - 1x03 - The Fuzzy Boots Corollary.720p
HDTV.YesTV.en
0
00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,000
1
00:00:09,687 --> 00:00:12,012
Alright, just a few more feet.
2
00:00:12,168 --> 00:00:14,798
And... here we are, gentlemen,
3
00:00:15,008 --> 00:00:16,786
the Gates of Elzebob.
4
00:00:17,375 --> 00:00:18,473
Good Lord.
5
00:00:18,830 --> 00:00:21,783
Don't panic. This is what the
last 97 hours have been about.
6
00:00:22,183 --> 00:00:24,375
Stay frosty. There's a horde
of armed goblins
7
00:00:24,540 --> 00:00:27,595
on the other side of that gate
guarding the Sword of Asaroth.
8
00:00:27,942 --> 00:00:30,961
Warriors, unsheathe your weapons.
Magic wielders, raise your wands.
9
00:00:31,307 --> 00:00:32,307
Lock and load.
10
00:00:32,488 --> 00:00:33,938
Raj, blow the gates.
11
00:00:34,824 --> 00:00:36,080
Blowing the gates.
12
00:00:36,916 --> 00:00:37,916
Control,
13
00:00:38,162 --> 00:00:40,497
shift... B!
14
00:00:43,146 --> 00:00:45,286
Oh, my God, so many goblins!
15
00:00:46,293 --> 00:00:48,112
Don't just stand there,
slash and move!
16
00:00:48,266 --> 00:00:49,307
Stay in formation!
17
00:00:49,432 --> 00:00:50,906
Leonard, you got one on your tail.
18
00:00:51,177 --> 00:00:53,260
My tail's prehensile--
I'll swat him off.
19
00:00:53,380 --> 00:00:54,554
I got him, Leonard.
20
00:00:54,674 --> 00:00:57,736
Tonight I spice my mead
with goblin blood.
21
00:00:58,389 --> 00:01:00,229
Raj, no, it's a trap!
They're flanking us!
22
00:01:00,484 --> 00:01:01,994
He's got me!
23
00:01:02,560 --> 00:01:04,592
Sheldon, he's got Raj.
Use your sleep spell!
24
00:01:06,929 --> 00:01:09,727
I've got the Sword of Asaroth!
25
00:01:10,985 --> 00:01:12,533
Forget the sword, help Raj!
26
00:01:12,750 --> 00:01:16,203
There is no more Sheldon.
I am the sword master!
27
00:01:16,574 --> 00:01:19,039
- Leonard, look out!
- Damn it, man, we're dying here!
28
00:01:19,201 --> 00:01:20,624
Good-bye, peasants!
29
00:01:21,739 --> 00:01:23,085
The bastard teleported!
30
00:01:25,115 --> 00:01:27,265
He's selling the Sword
of Asaroth on eBay.
31
00:01:28,974 --> 00:01:31,286
You betrayed us for money?
Who are you?
32
00:01:31,623 --> 00:01:32,845
I'm a rogue night elf.
33
00:01:32,980 --> 00:01:34,904
Don't you people read
character descriptions?
34
00:01:35,591 --> 00:01:37,975
Wait, wait!
Somebody just clicked "Buy it now."
35
00:01:38,186 --> 00:01:41,141
I am the sword master!
36
00:02:02,000 --> 00:02:05,100
Season 1 Episode 3:
The Fuzzy Boots Corollary
1
00:02:05,900 --> 00:02:07,200
I'm all sweaty.
2
00:02:07,600 --> 00:02:09,800
Anybody want to log on
to Second Life and go swimming?
3
00:02:09,900 --> 00:02:11,500
I just built a virtual pool.
4
00:02:12,400 --> 00:02:15,400
No. I can't look at you
or your avatar right now.
5
00:02:19,700 --> 00:02:21,400
Sounds like your neighbor's home.
6
00:02:23,300 --> 00:02:24,300
Excuse me.
7
00:02:24,700 --> 00:02:26,900
Don't forget the mail you took
accidentally on purpose
8
00:02:27,100 --> 00:02:28,400
as an excuse to talk to her.
9
00:02:28,600 --> 00:02:30,000
Oh, right, right, right.
10
00:02:31,100 --> 00:02:33,700
Stealing snail mail--
very old school. I like it.
11
00:02:35,400 --> 00:02:37,300
Penny,
the mailman, did it again...
12
00:02:38,100 --> 00:02:39,100
Sorry.
13
00:02:39,700 --> 00:02:41,100
Hi, Leonard.
This is Doug.
14
00:02:41,500 --> 00:02:43,000
Doug, this is my neighbor Leonard.
15
00:02:43,100 --> 00:02:44,200
What's up, bro?
16
00:02:46,400 --> 00:02:47,400
Not much...
17
00:02:49,700 --> 00:02:50,700
bro.
18
00:02:51,900 --> 00:02:53,000
Is everything okay?
19
00:02:53,400 --> 00:02:55,400
Yeah, no, I just...
I got your mail again. Here.
20
00:02:56,100 --> 00:02:58,100
Thank you.
I've got to talk to that mailman.
21
00:02:58,200 --> 00:03:00,500
Oh, no, that's probably not
such a good idea.
22
00:03:01,600 --> 00:03:03,800
Civil servants have
a documented propensity
23
00:03:04,000 --> 00:03:06,200
to, you know, snap, so...
24
00:03:07,500 --> 00:03:09,300
Okay. Well, thank you again.
25
00:03:09,500 --> 00:03:10,500
No problem. Bye.
26
00:03:11,900 --> 00:03:14,200
Oh, and bye... bro.
27
00:03:22,400 --> 00:03:24,000
Penny for your thoughts.
28
00:03:25,600 --> 00:03:26,700
What's the matter?
29
00:03:27,100 --> 00:03:28,100
I'm fine.
30
00:03:28,800 --> 00:03:31,500
Penny's fine.
The guy she's kissing is really fine.
31
00:03:32,700 --> 00:03:35,700
Kissing, what kind of kissing?
Cheeks? Lips? Chaste? French?
32
00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:39,400
What is wrong with you?
33
00:03:40,600 --> 00:03:41,900
I'm a romantic.
34
00:03:44,600 --> 00:03:46,600
Don't tell me
that your hopeless infatuation
35
00:03:46,700 --> 00:03:48,300
is devolving into pointless jealousy.
36
00:03:48,600 --> 00:03:51,300
I'm not jealous.
I'm just a little concerned for her.
37
00:03:51,700 --> 00:03:53,600
I didn't like the look of the guy.
38
00:03:53,700 --> 00:03:55,400
Because he looks better than you?
39
00:03:59,100 --> 00:04:00,700
He was kind of dreamy.
40
00:04:01,600 --> 00:04:03,600
At least now you can
retrieve the black box
41
00:04:03,700 --> 00:04:05,400
from the twisted,
smoldering wreckage
42
00:04:05,500 --> 00:04:07,200
that was once your fantasy of dating her
43
00:04:07,400 --> 00:04:09,300
and analyze the data
so that you don't crash
44
00:04:09,500 --> 00:04:11,000
into Geek Mountain again.
45
00:04:12,700 --> 00:04:13,700
I disagree.
46
00:04:13,800 --> 00:04:16,600
Love is not a sprint,
it's a marathon--
47
00:04:16,900 --> 00:04:20,800
a relentless pursuit that only ends
when she falls into your arms...
48
00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:23,900
or hits you with
the pepper spray.
49
00:04:25,600 --> 00:04:26,800
I'm done with Penny.
50
00:04:27,400 --> 00:04:30,200
I'm going to be more realistic
and go after someone my own speed.
51
00:04:30,500 --> 00:04:32,300
- Like who?
- I don't know...
52
00:04:32,800 --> 00:04:33,800
Olivia Geiger.
53
00:04:34,000 --> 00:04:37,200
The dietician at the cafeteria
with the limp and the lazy eye?
54
00:04:40,200 --> 00:04:41,800
I don't think you have a shot there.
55
00:04:43,500 --> 00:04:46,600
I have noticed that Leslie Winkle
recently started shaving her legs.
56
00:04:46,800 --> 00:04:48,200
Now given that winter is coming,
57
00:04:48,400 --> 00:04:51,000
one can only assume
she's signaling sexual availability.
58
00:04:52,100 --> 00:04:53,900
I don't know.
You guys work in the same lab.
59
00:04:54,400 --> 00:04:56,600
- So?
- There are pitfalls.
60
00:04:56,800 --> 00:04:58,100
Trust me, I know.
61
00:04:58,300 --> 00:05:01,000
When it comes to
sexual harassment law,
62
00:05:01,500 --> 00:05:03,600
I'm a bit of a self-taught expert.
63
00:05:06,300 --> 00:05:08,400
If I were to ask Leslie Winkle out,
64
00:05:08,600 --> 00:05:11,200
it would just be for dinner.
I'm not going to walk into the lab,
65
00:05:11,300 --> 00:05:13,400
ask her to strip naked
and dance for me.
66
00:05:13,700 --> 00:05:15,600
Oh, then you're probably okay.
67
00:05:19,700 --> 00:05:21,500
- Hello, Leslie.
- Hi, Leonard.
68
00:05:21,800 --> 00:05:23,300
I'd like to propose an experiment...
69
00:05:23,500 --> 00:05:25,100
- Goggles, Leonard.
- Right.
70
00:05:27,400 --> 00:05:29,200
I would like to propose an experiment.
71
00:05:29,300 --> 00:05:30,300
Hang on.
72
00:05:30,500 --> 00:05:32,600
I'm trying to see how long it
takes a 500-kilowatt
73
00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:35,200
oxygen iodine laser to heat up
my Cup a' Noodles.
74
00:05:37,400 --> 00:05:40,100
I've done it. About two seconds.
2.6 for minestrone.
75
00:05:46,900 --> 00:05:48,600
Anyway, I was thinking more
76
00:05:48,700 --> 00:05:51,900
of a bio-social exploration
with a neuro-chemical overlay.
77
00:05:53,900 --> 00:05:55,700
Wait, are you asking me out?
78
00:05:57,200 --> 00:05:59,700
I was going to characterize it
as the modification
79
00:05:59,900 --> 00:06:01,900
of our
colleague-slash-friendship paradigm
80
00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:03,800
with the addition
of a date-like component,
81
00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:06,900
but we don't need to
quibble over terminology.
82
00:06:08,400 --> 00:06:09,800
What sort of experiment?
83
00:06:10,100 --> 00:06:12,600
There's a generally accepted
pattern in this area.
84
00:06:12,700 --> 00:06:14,900
I would pick you up,
take you to a restaurant.
85
00:06:15,100 --> 00:06:17,800
Then we would see a movie,
probably a romantic comedy
86
00:06:17,900 --> 00:06:20,500
featuring the talents
of Hugh Grant or Sandra Bullock.
87
00:06:21,700 --> 00:06:23,300
Interesting.
And would you agree
88
00:06:23,400 --> 00:06:25,900
that the primary way we would
evaluate either the success
89
00:06:26,000 --> 00:06:27,400
or failure of the date would be
90
00:06:27,600 --> 00:06:30,300
based on the biochemical reaction
during the good night kiss?
91
00:06:30,400 --> 00:06:32,100
Heart rate,
pheromones, etc. Yes.
92
00:06:33,400 --> 00:06:35,500
Why don't we just stipulate
that the date goes well
93
00:06:35,700 --> 00:06:37,000
and move to the key variable?
94
00:06:37,600 --> 00:06:39,000
- You mean kiss you now?
- Yes.
95
00:06:39,400 --> 00:06:41,200
Can you define the
parameters of the kiss?
96
00:06:41,300 --> 00:06:42,900
Close-mouthed but romantic.
Mint?
97
00:06:43,200 --> 00:06:44,300
Thank you.
98
00:06:51,400 --> 00:06:52,700
I count down from three?
99
00:06:52,900 --> 00:06:54,900
No, I think it needs
to be spontaneous.
100
00:07:02,700 --> 00:07:04,800
- What do you think?
- You proposed the experiment.
101
00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:07,000
I think you should
present your findings first.
102
00:07:07,600 --> 00:07:08,600
Fair enough.
103
00:07:09,500 --> 00:07:11,500
On the plus side,
it was a good kiss.
104
00:07:11,700 --> 00:07:13,900
Reasonable technique,
no extraneous spittle.
105
00:07:15,700 --> 00:07:17,600
On the other hand, no arousal.
106
00:07:19,000 --> 00:07:20,300
- None?
- None.
107
00:07:25,300 --> 00:07:27,000
- Thank you for your time.
- Thank you.
108
00:07:32,200 --> 00:07:33,200
None at all?
109
00:07:37,900 --> 00:07:39,900
Sheldon,
if you were a robot,
110
00:07:40,300 --> 00:07:42,900
and I knew
and you didn't...
111
00:07:45,500 --> 00:07:47,200
...would you want me to tell you?
112
00:07:49,000 --> 00:07:50,000
That depends.
113
00:07:50,700 --> 00:07:51,600
When
114
00:07:51,900 --> 00:07:53,300
I learn that I'm a robot...
115
00:07:54,300 --> 00:07:56,200
will I be able to handle it?
116
00:07:57,600 --> 00:08:01,100
Maybe-- although the history
of science fiction is not on your side.
117
00:08:02,200 --> 00:08:04,100
Okay,
let me ask you this--
118
00:08:04,600 --> 00:08:06,500
when I learn that I'm a robot,
119
00:08:06,800 --> 00:08:09,800
would I be bound
by Asimov's Three Laws of Robotics?
120
00:08:11,300 --> 00:08:14,100
You might be bound
by them right now.
121
00:08:17,800 --> 00:08:19,900
That's true.
Have you ever harmed a human being
122
00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:22,300
or through inaction allowed
a human being to come to harm?
123
00:08:22,500 --> 00:08:24,400
- Of course not.
- Have you ever harmed yourself
124
00:08:24,600 --> 00:08:26,000
or allowed yourself to be harmed
125
00:08:26,100 --> 00:08:28,600
except in cases where a human being
would have been endangered?
126
00:08:28,800 --> 00:08:30,700
- Well, no.
- I smell robot.
127
00:08:34,800 --> 00:08:35,900
Hey, what's going on?
128
00:08:36,200 --> 00:08:38,200
Internet's been down
for half an hour.
129
00:08:41,000 --> 00:08:42,600
Also, Sheldon may be a robot.
130
00:08:44,900 --> 00:08:46,400
So how'd it go with Leslie?
131
00:08:47,800 --> 00:08:50,600
Oh, we tried kissing,
but the Earth didn't move.
132
00:08:52,100 --> 00:08:55,800
I mean, any more than the 383 miles
that it was going to move anyway.
133
00:08:58,300 --> 00:09:00,200
Oh, I've seen that look before.
134
00:09:00,500 --> 00:09:02,500
This is just going to be
two weeks of moping
135
00:09:02,700 --> 00:09:04,100
and tedious emo songs
136
00:09:04,300 --> 00:09:07,100
and calling me to come down
to pet stores to look at cats.
137
00:09:09,500 --> 00:09:11,000
I don't know if I can take it.
138
00:09:12,100 --> 00:09:13,600
You could power down.
139
00:09:16,600 --> 00:09:18,900
As usual, Wolowitz has the solution.
140
00:09:20,700 --> 00:09:22,000
I happen to know a place
141
00:09:22,200 --> 00:09:25,600
where there are plenty of eligible women
and Leonard could have his pick.
142
00:09:35,800 --> 00:09:37,500
Remember the Latin hips.
143
00:09:38,100 --> 00:09:40,700
Shoulders stay still, and...
we sway.
144
00:09:46,200 --> 00:09:47,500
One, two, three...
145
00:09:49,100 --> 00:09:50,500
...five, six, seven.
146
00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:54,000
I think Mrs. Tishman's
got her eye on you.
147
00:09:55,300 --> 00:09:57,100
I've been there.
You're in for a treat.
1
00:10:14,500 --> 00:10:15,500
Oh, good Lord.
2
00:10:26,300 --> 00:10:28,000
God, that's a good song.
3
00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:31,600
If you're compiling a mix CD
for a double suicide.
4
00:10:32,800 --> 00:10:35,600
Oh, I hope
that scratching post is for you.
5
00:10:36,800 --> 00:10:39,400
I know what you're thinking.
I've taken your asthma into account.
6
00:10:39,600 --> 00:10:41,800
There's a feline geneticist
in San Diego
7
00:10:42,000 --> 00:10:44,700
who's developed the cutest
little hypoallergenic calicos.
8
00:10:44,900 --> 00:10:47,000
- Listen to me...
- I've been thinking about names.
9
00:10:47,100 --> 00:10:49,200
I'm kind of torn between
Einstein, Newton
10
00:10:49,400 --> 00:10:51,100
and Sergeant Fuzzy Boots.
11
00:10:52,200 --> 00:10:54,200
Do you really think
you can satisfy your need
12
00:10:54,300 --> 00:10:56,400
for a relationship with
a genetically altered cat?
13
00:10:57,500 --> 00:10:58,500
Maybe.
14
00:10:58,700 --> 00:11:00,600
If it's a cute, little, cuddly cat.
15
00:11:01,500 --> 00:11:03,100
Oh, come on. Leonard...
16
00:11:05,800 --> 00:11:07,400
This is obviously about Penny.
17
00:11:09,800 --> 00:11:11,100
It doesn't matter.
18
00:11:11,400 --> 00:11:14,100
The woman's not interested in me.
The woman rejected me.
19
00:11:15,500 --> 00:11:16,500
Look,
20
00:11:17,500 --> 00:11:19,200
I think that you have
as much of a chance
21
00:11:19,400 --> 00:11:21,200
of having a sexual relationship
with Penny
22
00:11:21,400 --> 00:11:23,300
as the Hubble Telescope
does of discovering
23
00:11:23,400 --> 00:11:24,900
at the center of every black hole
24
00:11:25,000 --> 00:11:27,800
is a little man with a flashlight
searching for a circuit breaker.
25
00:11:30,800 --> 00:11:32,000
Nevertheless,
26
00:11:32,700 --> 00:11:35,300
I do feel obligated
to point out to you
27
00:11:35,900 --> 00:11:37,800
that she did not reject you.
28
00:11:38,500 --> 00:11:39,900
You did not ask her out.
29
00:11:41,700 --> 00:11:42,700
You're right.
30
00:11:43,600 --> 00:11:45,400
I didn't ask her out.
I should ask her out.
31
00:11:45,600 --> 00:11:47,400
No, no, that was not my point.
32
00:11:48,600 --> 00:11:50,400
My point was don't buy a cat.
33
00:11:51,300 --> 00:11:52,900
No, but you're right.
34
00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:55,400
I should march over there
and ask her out.
35
00:11:56,200 --> 00:11:58,400
Oh, goody, we're getting a cat.
36
00:12:07,200 --> 00:12:09,300
Good afternoon, Penny.
So, hi... hey.
37
00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:13,900
I was wondering if you
had plans for dinner.
38
00:12:14,100 --> 00:12:15,400
You mean dinner tonight?
39
00:12:16,800 --> 00:12:18,900
There is an inherent ambiguity
in the word "dinner."
40
00:12:19,400 --> 00:12:20,500
Technically it refers
41
00:12:20,700 --> 00:12:22,900
to the largest meal of the day
whenever it's consumed.
42
00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:25,100
So to clarify here,
by dinner I mean supper.
43
00:12:25,800 --> 00:12:27,200
- Supper?
- Or dinner.
44
00:12:28,800 --> 00:12:31,200
I was thinking 6:30 if you can go.
Or a different time.
45
00:12:31,500 --> 00:12:32,500
6:30's great.
46
00:12:32,900 --> 00:12:33,900
Really?
47
00:12:36,200 --> 00:12:38,300
- Great.
- I like hanging out with you guys.
48
00:12:38,700 --> 00:12:39,700
Us guys?
49
00:12:40,000 --> 00:12:42,500
Yeah, you know, Sheldon, Howard, Raj.
Who all's coming?
50
00:12:43,800 --> 00:12:44,800
They...
51
00:12:46,100 --> 00:12:47,500
might all be there.
52
00:12:49,700 --> 00:12:51,700
Or a subset
of them might be there.
53
00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:54,500
Algebraically speaking,
there are too many unknowns.
54
00:12:54,600 --> 00:12:56,700
For example,
Sheldon had Quiznos for lunch.
55
00:12:56,900 --> 00:12:59,300
Sometimes he finds that filling,
other times he doesn't.
56
00:12:59,500 --> 00:13:02,000
It's no fault of Quiznos--
they have a varied menu.
57
00:13:04,300 --> 00:13:06,100
Okay, whatever.
It sounds like fun.
58
00:13:06,800 --> 00:13:07,800
Great.
59
00:13:08,400 --> 00:13:09,900
- Did we say a time?
- 6:30.
60
00:13:10,100 --> 00:13:11,700
- And that's still good?
- It's fine.
61
00:13:11,900 --> 00:13:14,200
- 'Cause it's not carved in stone.
- No, 6:30's great.
62
00:13:14,600 --> 00:13:16,100
I'll get my chisel.
63
00:13:17,800 --> 00:13:18,800
Why?
64
00:13:21,200 --> 00:13:24,300
To... carve the...
I'll see you at 6:30.
65
00:13:36,100 --> 00:13:37,100
How do I look?
66
00:13:42,400 --> 00:13:44,000
Could you be more specific?
67
00:13:45,900 --> 00:13:47,900
Can you tell I'm perspiring a little?
68
00:13:49,100 --> 00:13:53,400
No. The dark crescent-shaped patterns
under your arms conceal it nicely.
69
00:13:55,800 --> 00:13:57,700
- What time is your date?
- 6:30.
70
00:13:57,800 --> 00:13:59,000
Perfect. That gives you
71
00:13:59,200 --> 00:14:01,600
two hours and 15 minutes
for that dense molecular cloud
72
00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:03,300
of Aramis to dissipate.
73
00:14:04,600 --> 00:14:05,600
Is it too much?
74
00:14:05,800 --> 00:14:07,500
Not if you're a rugby team.
75
00:14:09,500 --> 00:14:10,900
If it should ever come up,
76
00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:12,900
you didn't join us
because you stuffed yourself
77
00:14:13,100 --> 00:14:14,800
with a chicken carbonara sub
at Quiznos.
78
00:14:15,200 --> 00:14:16,400
Why would I join you?
79
00:14:17,500 --> 00:14:18,500
No reason.
80
00:14:21,500 --> 00:14:23,700
You know what,
maybe this isn't such a good idea.
81
00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:26,400
No, well, now there's
always the possibility
82
00:14:26,600 --> 00:14:28,700
that alcohol and poor judgment
on her part
83
00:14:28,800 --> 00:14:31,200
might lead to a nice
romantic evening.
84
00:14:32,900 --> 00:14:35,900
You're right. Alcohol, poor judgment--
it could go well.
85
00:14:36,500 --> 00:14:38,400
There is the other
possibility, that...
86
00:14:38,500 --> 00:14:40,500
this date kicks off
a rather unpleasant 6 months
87
00:14:40,600 --> 00:14:42,600
of the two of you passing
awkwardly in the hall,
88
00:14:42,800 --> 00:14:45,200
until one of you breaks down and
moves to another zip code.
89
00:14:46,700 --> 00:14:49,100
You could've stopped
at "it could go well."
90
00:14:50,300 --> 00:14:51,900
If I could've, I would've.
91
00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:54,300
I mean, I'm a perfectly nice guy.
92
00:14:54,800 --> 00:14:57,800
There's no reason we couldn't go
and have a lovely dinner,
93
00:14:58,200 --> 00:15:00,200
maybe take a walk afterwards,
94
00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:02,600
talk about things we have in common.
95
00:15:02,800 --> 00:15:05,700
You love pottery?
I love pottery!
96
00:15:06,300 --> 00:15:07,600
There's a pause,
97
00:15:07,800 --> 00:15:09,800
we both know what's happening.
I lean in, we kiss.
98
00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:12,100
It's a little tentative at first,
but then I realize
99
00:15:12,300 --> 00:15:14,400
she's kissing me back.
She's biting my lower lip!
100
00:15:14,500 --> 00:15:16,400
She wants me!
This thing is going the distance!
101
00:15:16,600 --> 00:15:19,000
We're going to have sex!
Oh, God, oh, my God!
102
00:15:21,400 --> 00:15:23,100
Is the sex starting now?
103
00:15:24,700 --> 00:15:26,100
I'm having a panic attack.
104
00:15:27,400 --> 00:15:29,000
Well then... calm down.
105
00:15:29,600 --> 00:15:31,500
If I could,
I wouldn't be having a panic...
106
00:15:31,600 --> 00:15:33,400
That's why they call it a panic attack.
107
00:15:34,300 --> 00:15:35,700
Sit down.
108
00:15:36,100 --> 00:15:38,100
Yeah, sit down. Now close your eyes.
109
00:15:38,300 --> 00:15:39,600
- Why?
- Just do it.
110
00:15:40,100 --> 00:15:43,000
Now try to increase
your alpha wave activity.
111
00:15:43,500 --> 00:15:46,100
- What?!
- It's a biofeedback technique.
112
00:15:46,300 --> 00:15:48,300
It's relaxation through
brain wave manipulation.
113
00:15:48,500 --> 00:15:50,900
I read a paper about it
in Journal of American Neuroscience.
114
00:15:51,000 --> 00:15:54,000
It was a little sparsely sourced,
but I think the basic science is valid.
115
00:15:54,100 --> 00:15:55,600
I probably have it here somewhere.
116
00:15:56,500 --> 00:15:58,400
Who am I kidding?
I can't go through with this.
117
00:15:58,500 --> 00:16:00,000
You need to call her and cancel.
118
00:16:00,100 --> 00:16:01,200
- Me?
- Yes.
119
00:16:01,400 --> 00:16:03,800
- What should I tell her?
- I don't know. Tell her I'm sick.
120
00:16:04,900 --> 00:16:07,400
Not an illness that will make her
want to take care of me,
121
00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:09,800
but nothing so critical
that she'll feel uncomfortable
122
00:16:09,900 --> 00:16:12,000
going out with me
if I want to try this again.
123
00:16:12,100 --> 00:16:14,600
Got it.
So I'm assuming nothing venereal?
124
00:16:19,400 --> 00:16:21,700
I'll just tell her
that you had a routine colonoscopy
125
00:16:21,800 --> 00:16:23,200
and haven't quite bounced back.
126
00:16:24,200 --> 00:16:26,500
- Give me the phone.
- I thought you wanted to cancel.
127
00:16:26,600 --> 00:16:29,300
I can't, because if I don't show up
she'll still be expecting you.
128
00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:31,800
Why would she be expecting me?
129
00:16:33,100 --> 00:16:34,800
Stop asking me all these questions.
130
00:16:34,900 --> 00:16:36,800
I need to take another shower.
131
00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:42,000
So are the rest of the guys
meeting us here?
132
00:16:42,200 --> 00:16:43,600
Oh, yeah... no.
133
00:16:45,100 --> 00:16:48,300
It turns out that Raj
and Howard had to work, and Sheldon...
134
00:16:48,900 --> 00:16:52,000
had a colonoscopy and he hasn't
quite bounced back yet.
135
00:16:54,200 --> 00:16:55,900
My uncle just had a colonoscopy.
136
00:16:56,200 --> 00:16:57,200
You're kidding.
137
00:16:57,400 --> 00:16:59,700
Then that's something
we have in common.
138
00:17:00,800 --> 00:17:01,800
How?
139
00:17:02,600 --> 00:17:05,200
We both have people
in our lives who...
140
00:17:05,500 --> 00:17:08,500
want to nip intestinal polyps
in the bud.
141
00:17:14,900 --> 00:17:16,900
So what's new in
the world of physics?
142
00:17:18,200 --> 00:17:19,200
Nothing.
143
00:17:20,800 --> 00:17:22,000
Really? Nothing?
144
00:17:22,300 --> 00:17:25,000
Well, with the exception
of string theory,
145
00:17:25,200 --> 00:17:27,700
not much has happened
since the 1930s.
146
00:17:27,900 --> 00:17:29,500
And you can't prove string theory.
147
00:17:29,700 --> 00:17:30,900
At best you can say,
148
00:17:31,200 --> 00:17:34,700
"Hey, look, my idea
has an internal logical consistency."
149
00:17:37,900 --> 00:17:39,900
Well, I'm sure things will pick up.
150
00:17:44,200 --> 00:17:46,000
What's new at the Cheesecake Factory?
151
00:17:47,700 --> 00:17:48,800
Not much.
152
00:17:49,100 --> 00:17:52,200
We do have a chocolate key lime
that's moving pretty well.
153
00:17:53,700 --> 00:17:54,700
Good.
154
00:17:55,500 --> 00:17:56,500
Good.
155
00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:01,500
What about your...
156
00:18:02,600 --> 00:18:03,800
hallway friend?
157
00:18:04,300 --> 00:18:06,600
Doug?
Oh, yeah, I don't know.
158
00:18:06,800 --> 00:18:08,900
I mean, you know,
he's nice and funny, but...
159
00:18:09,200 --> 00:18:10,900
Can I get you started with some drinks?
160
00:18:12,500 --> 00:18:14,400
- You were saying? But...
- I'd like a drink.
161
00:18:14,600 --> 00:18:17,900
Just say the "but" thing about Doug
and then I'll get her back.
162
00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:21,400
I don't know, it's just me.
163
00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:23,800
I'm still getting over
this breakup with Kurt
164
00:18:24,000 --> 00:18:26,500
and this thing with Doug
would just be rebound sex.
165
00:18:28,100 --> 00:18:30,300
Don't get me started
on rebound sex.
166
00:18:31,900 --> 00:18:33,500
It's just... it's my pattern.
167
00:18:33,600 --> 00:18:35,900
I break up,
then I find some cute guy,
168
00:18:36,100 --> 00:18:39,100
and then it's just 36
meaningless hours of...
169
00:18:39,800 --> 00:18:40,900
you know.
170
00:18:43,100 --> 00:18:44,300
I'm not sure that I do.
171
00:18:46,100 --> 00:18:49,100
Is that one 36-hour experience,
172
00:18:49,300 --> 00:18:51,600
or is that 36 hours
spread out over, say...
173
00:18:51,800 --> 00:18:53,700
one glorious summer?
174
00:18:54,500 --> 00:18:55,900
No, it's usually over a weekend,
175
00:18:56,100 --> 00:18:58,600
and trust me, you do not feel
good after it.
176
00:18:59,200 --> 00:19:01,000
Well, chafing, right?
177
00:19:02,700 --> 00:19:03,700
Emotionally.
178
00:19:03,900 --> 00:19:06,000
Of course, yeah,
emotional chafing.
179
00:19:13,800 --> 00:19:15,300
Do you want to see something cool?
180
00:19:17,400 --> 00:19:19,800
I can make this olive
go into this glass
181
00:19:20,100 --> 00:19:21,400
without touching it.
182
00:19:22,100 --> 00:19:23,900
- How?
- Physics.
183
00:19:30,400 --> 00:19:31,800
Centrifugal force.
184
00:19:32,200 --> 00:19:34,300
Actually, it's centripetal force,
185
00:19:34,500 --> 00:19:36,900
which is an inward force
generated by the glass
186
00:19:37,100 --> 00:19:38,600
acting on the olive...
187
00:19:39,900 --> 00:19:41,000
Excuse me.
188
00:19:41,300 --> 00:19:44,100
If you were riding
on the olive,
189
00:19:44,500 --> 00:19:46,500
you'd be in a non-inertial
reference frame
190
00:19:46,700 --> 00:19:47,900
and would...
191
00:19:49,600 --> 00:19:51,500
- Are you okay?
- Yeah, I'm okay.
192
00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:54,800
Did you spill ketchup?
193
00:19:55,000 --> 00:19:56,400
- No.
- I'm not okay.
1
00:20:01,500 --> 00:20:03,600
You sure you don't want to go
to the emergency room?
2
00:20:03,600 --> 00:20:05,800
No, I'm okay.
It stopped bleeding.
3
00:20:06,300 --> 00:20:09,400
I know, but you did throw up.
Isn't that a sign of a concussion?
4
00:20:09,500 --> 00:20:11,600
Yes.
But I get car sick, too, so...
5
00:20:14,200 --> 00:20:15,800
Sorry about
your car, by the way.
6
00:20:16,700 --> 00:20:19,100
It's fine.
You got most of it out the window.
7
00:20:20,400 --> 00:20:21,800
The poor guy on the bike.
8
00:20:24,900 --> 00:20:26,100
I had a nice time.
9
00:20:26,400 --> 00:20:27,700
Yeah, me, too.
10
00:20:29,000 --> 00:20:30,200
Well, um, good night.
11
00:20:31,100 --> 00:20:32,100
Good night.
12
00:20:35,800 --> 00:20:37,800
Was this supposed to be a date?
13
00:20:38,800 --> 00:20:39,900
This?
14
00:20:41,100 --> 00:20:42,100
No.
15
00:20:44,800 --> 00:20:46,800
Of course not.
This was just you and me
16
00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:49,100
hanging out with a bunch of guys
who didn't show up
17
00:20:49,200 --> 00:20:51,400
'cause of work and a colonoscopy.
18
00:20:53,400 --> 00:20:54,700
Okay, I was just checking.
19
00:20:56,200 --> 00:20:58,000
When I take a girl on a date--
20
00:20:58,300 --> 00:20:59,300
and I do--
21
00:21:01,600 --> 00:21:03,500
she knows she's been dated.
22
00:21:05,400 --> 00:21:06,500
Capital D.
23
00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:11,100
Boldface. Underlined.
Da...ted.
24
00:21:13,300 --> 00:21:15,000
I think I might have
a little concussion.
25
00:21:15,200 --> 00:21:17,600
I'm gonna go lie down for a while.
Good night.
26
00:21:21,500 --> 00:21:23,100
So, how was your date?
27
00:21:23,800 --> 00:21:24,800
Awesome!
28
00:21:29,200 --> 00:21:31,500
Score 1 for liquor and poor jugement.
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
10000
00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:13,000
The Big Bang Theory - 1x04 - The Luminous Fish Effect
0
00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,000
1
00:00:00,900 --> 00:00:03,500
You know, I've been thinking
about timetravel again.
2
00:00:03,700 --> 00:00:06,300
Why? Did you hit a roadblock
with invisibility?
3
00:00:07,800 --> 00:00:09,100
Put it on a backburner.
4
00:00:10,100 --> 00:00:11,500
Anyway.
It occurs to me,
5
00:00:11,700 --> 00:00:13,400
If I have ever did
perfect time machine,
6
00:00:13,600 --> 00:00:15,600
I'd just go into the past
and give it to myself.
7
00:00:15,800 --> 00:00:19,100
That's eliminating the need for me
to invent it in the first place.
8
00:00:20,000 --> 00:00:21,000
Interesting.
9
00:00:21,200 --> 00:00:23,400
Yeah, it really kicks the pressure off.
10
00:00:24,300 --> 00:00:25,600
Sounds like a breakthrough.
11
00:00:25,800 --> 00:00:28,100
Should I call Science Magazine
and tell them to hold the cover?
12
00:00:28,600 --> 00:00:30,600
It's time travel,
I will have already done that.
13
00:00:32,700 --> 00:00:34,500
Then I guess congratulations
are in order.
14
00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:37,600
No, congratulations will
have been in order.
15
00:00:39,000 --> 00:00:41,000
You know, I am not going
to enjoy this party.
16
00:00:41,100 --> 00:00:42,900
I know,
I'm familiar with you.
17
00:00:43,500 --> 00:00:46,200
The last department party,
Professor Finkleday cornered me
18
00:00:46,300 --> 00:00:48,600
and talked about
spelunking for 45 minutes.
19
00:00:48,800 --> 00:00:49,900
Yes, I was there.
20
00:00:50,000 --> 00:00:51,900
You know what's interesting
about caves?
21
00:00:52,100 --> 00:00:53,400
- What?
- Nothing.
22
00:00:55,500 --> 00:00:57,900
Then we'll avoid him,
we'll meet the new department head,
23
00:00:58,000 --> 00:00:59,700
congratulate him,
shake his hand and go.
24
00:00:59,900 --> 00:01:02,600
How's this?
"Pleased to meet you, Dr. Gablehauser.
25
00:01:02,800 --> 00:01:04,600
"How fortunate for you
that the university's
26
00:01:04,800 --> 00:01:06,400
"chosen to hire you,
despite the fact
27
00:01:06,500 --> 00:01:08,700
"that you've done no original
research in 25 years,
28
00:01:08,900 --> 00:01:10,900
"and instead have written
a series of popular books
29
00:01:11,100 --> 00:01:12,800
"that reduce
the great concepts of science
30
00:01:12,900 --> 00:01:14,200
"to a series of anecdotes,
31
00:01:14,400 --> 00:01:16,600
"each one dumbed down
to accommodate the duration
32
00:01:16,800 --> 00:01:18,600
"of an average bowel movement.
33
00:01:20,100 --> 00:01:21,100
Mahalo."
34
00:01:24,800 --> 00:01:26,800
"Mahalo's" a nice touch.
35
00:01:28,000 --> 00:01:30,300
You know there only eight consonants
in Hawaiian language?
36
00:01:30,400 --> 00:01:32,500
Interesting.
You should lead with that.
37
00:01:35,100 --> 00:01:37,100
Oh, God, look at this buffet.
38
00:01:37,800 --> 00:01:39,100
I love America.
39
00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:41,000
You don't have buffets in India?
40
00:01:41,200 --> 00:01:43,500
Of course,
but it's all Indian food.
41
00:01:44,400 --> 00:01:46,900
You can't find a bagel
in Mumbai to save your life.
42
00:01:47,200 --> 00:01:48,200
Shmear me.
43
00:01:50,600 --> 00:01:53,400
- Here's an interesting turn of events.
- What?
44
00:01:55,900 --> 00:01:57,100
Howard brought a date?
45
00:01:57,200 --> 00:01:58,700
A more plausible explanation is that
46
00:01:58,900 --> 00:02:00,300
his work in robotics has made
47
00:02:00,400 --> 00:02:01,900
an amazing leap forward.
48
00:02:02,900 --> 00:02:04,900
Hey, what up,
science bitches?
49
00:02:07,200 --> 00:02:08,300
May I introduce my
50
00:02:08,500 --> 00:02:10,000
special lady friend Summer?
51
00:02:10,300 --> 00:02:12,900
- I told you touching's extra.
- Right. Sorry.
52
00:02:14,700 --> 00:02:17,200
Here comes our new boss.
Be polite.
53
00:02:17,500 --> 00:02:19,900
Hi, fellas.
Eric Gablehauser.
54
00:02:20,100 --> 00:02:21,200
Howard Wolowitz.
55
00:02:22,000 --> 00:02:23,600
Nice to meet you.
And you are?
56
00:02:24,600 --> 00:02:26,500
An actualrealscientist.
57
00:02:30,200 --> 00:02:31,200
How was that?
58
00:02:33,100 --> 00:02:35,000
I can't believe he fired me.
59
00:02:35,900 --> 00:02:38,500
Well, you did call him
a glorified high school science teacher
60
00:02:38,700 --> 00:02:41,800
whose last successful experiment
was lighting his own farts.
61
00:02:43,400 --> 00:02:44,400
In my defense,
62
00:02:44,600 --> 00:02:47,000
I prefaced that by saying,
"With all due respect."
63
00:03:08,300 --> 00:03:10,700
Season 1 Episode 4:
The Luminous Fish Effect
64
00:03:13,700 --> 00:03:14,700
Morning.
65
00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:16,000
Morning.
66
00:03:16,600 --> 00:03:18,400
You're making eggs for breakfast?
67
00:03:18,600 --> 00:03:21,100
This isn't breakfast,
it's an experiment.
68
00:03:23,300 --> 00:03:25,000
'Cause it looks a lot like breakfast.
69
00:03:25,600 --> 00:03:27,600
I finally have time
to test my hypothesis
70
00:03:27,800 --> 00:03:29,600
about the separation
of the water molecules
71
00:03:29,800 --> 00:03:32,700
from the egg proteins and its
impact vis-a-vis taste.
72
00:03:34,400 --> 00:03:35,400
Sounds yummy.
73
00:03:36,800 --> 00:03:38,600
I look forward
to your work with bacon.
74
00:03:39,000 --> 00:03:40,000
As do I.
75
00:03:41,900 --> 00:03:43,800
You know, I'm sure
if you just apologize
76
00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:46,000
to Gablehauser,
he would give you your job back.
77
00:03:46,200 --> 00:03:47,400
I don't want my job back.
78
00:03:47,900 --> 00:03:49,700
I've spent the past
three and a half years
79
00:03:49,900 --> 00:03:51,700
staring at grease boards
full of equations.
80
00:03:51,900 --> 00:03:54,300
Before that, I spent four years
working on my thesis.
81
00:03:54,500 --> 00:03:55,900
Before that, I was in college,
82
00:03:56,000 --> 00:03:58,000
and before that,
I was in the fifth grade.
83
00:03:59,400 --> 00:04:03,000
This is my first day off in decades
and I'm going to savor it.
84
00:04:05,500 --> 00:04:07,500
I'll let you get back
to fixing your eggs.
85
00:04:07,700 --> 00:04:10,300
Not just fixing my eggs,
I'm fixing everyone's eggs.
86
00:04:11,200 --> 00:04:12,700
And we all thank you.
87
00:04:44,300 --> 00:04:46,100
Use new eggs.
88
00:04:50,700 --> 00:04:52,700
I'm running out to the market.
You need anything?
89
00:04:53,900 --> 00:04:55,600
This would be
one of those circumstances
90
00:04:55,800 --> 00:04:59,200
that people unfamiliar with the law of
large numbers would call a coincidence.
91
00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:01,300
- I'm sorry?
- I need eggs.
92
00:05:01,500 --> 00:05:02,900
Four dozen should suffice.
93
00:05:03,100 --> 00:05:04,300
- Four dozen?
- Yes,
94
00:05:04,400 --> 00:05:06,200
and evenly distributed
amongst brown, white,
95
00:05:06,400 --> 00:05:08,800
free-range, large,
extra large and jumbo.
96
00:05:09,700 --> 00:05:10,700
Okay, one more time.
97
00:05:11,000 --> 00:05:12,800
Never mind.
You won't get it right.
98
00:05:13,300 --> 00:05:14,900
I'd better come with you.
99
00:05:21,800 --> 00:05:23,900
How come you didn't
go into work today?
100
00:05:24,100 --> 00:05:25,400
I'm taking a sabbatical
101
00:05:25,500 --> 00:05:28,000
because I won't kowtow
to mediocre minds.
102
00:05:28,700 --> 00:05:30,300
So you got canned, huh?
103
00:05:30,900 --> 00:05:33,400
Theoretical physicists
do not get canned...
104
00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:35,400
but yeah.
105
00:05:36,900 --> 00:05:38,200
Maybe it's all for the best.
106
00:05:38,400 --> 00:05:41,000
I always say when one door closes,
another one opens.
107
00:05:41,700 --> 00:05:43,000
No, it doesn't.
108
00:05:43,900 --> 00:05:46,200
Not unless the two doors
are connected by relays
109
00:05:46,400 --> 00:05:48,800
- or there are motion sensors involved.
- No, I meant...
110
00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:51,400
Or if the first door closing
creates a change of air pressure
111
00:05:51,500 --> 00:05:53,000
that acts upon the second door.
112
00:05:54,000 --> 00:05:55,000
Never mind.
113
00:05:56,700 --> 00:05:58,300
Slow down.
114
00:05:58,600 --> 00:06:00,800
- Please, slow down!
- We're fine!
115
00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:03,200
You're not leaving yourself
enough space between cars.
116
00:06:03,400 --> 00:06:06,100
- Oh, sure, I am.
- No, let me do the math for you.
117
00:06:06,200 --> 00:06:08,700
This car weighs,
let's say 4,000 pounds.
118
00:06:08,900 --> 00:06:10,800
Now add 140 for me,
120 for you...
119
00:06:11,200 --> 00:06:12,300
120?
120
00:06:12,700 --> 00:06:14,200
I'm sorry. Did I insult you?
121
00:06:14,400 --> 00:06:16,900
Is your body mass
somehow tied into your self-worth?
122
00:06:17,700 --> 00:06:18,800
Well, yeah.
123
00:06:19,600 --> 00:06:20,600
Interesting.
124
00:06:20,700 --> 00:06:22,600
Anyway, that gives us
a total weight of,
125
00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:24,300
let's say 4,400 pounds.
126
00:06:24,500 --> 00:06:25,800
Let's say 4,390.
127
00:06:26,700 --> 00:06:29,500
Fine. We're traveling forward at--
128
00:06:29,700 --> 00:06:31,400
good Lord-- 51 miles an hour.
129
00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:33,400
Let's assume that your brakes
130
00:06:33,600 --> 00:06:35,200
are new
and the calipers are aligned.
131
00:06:35,400 --> 00:06:37,000
Still, by the time we come
to a stop,
132
00:06:37,200 --> 00:06:39,700
we'll be occupying the same space
as that Buick in front of us,
133
00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:42,300
an impossibility that
nature will quickly resolve
134
00:06:42,500 --> 00:06:43,800
into death, mutilation...
135
00:06:43,900 --> 00:06:46,200
Oh, look, they built
a new putt-putt course.
136
00:06:49,900 --> 00:06:51,100
This is great.
137
00:06:51,600 --> 00:06:52,600
Look at me.
138
00:06:52,700 --> 00:06:54,600
I'm in the real world
of ordinary people
139
00:06:55,200 --> 00:06:58,100
just living their ordinary,
colorless workaday lives.
140
00:06:59,200 --> 00:07:00,200
Thank you.
141
00:07:00,300 --> 00:07:01,400
No, thankyou.
142
00:07:02,300 --> 00:07:04,200
And thank you, ordinary person.
143
00:07:06,600 --> 00:07:08,800
You want to hear
an interesting thing about tomatoes?
144
00:07:09,100 --> 00:07:10,200
No, not really.
145
00:07:10,400 --> 00:07:13,100
Listen, didn't you say
you need some eggs?
146
00:07:13,500 --> 00:07:16,600
Yes, but anyone who knows anything
about the dynamics of bacterial growth
147
00:07:16,800 --> 00:07:19,800
knows to pick up their refrigerated food
on the way out of the supermarket.
148
00:07:20,500 --> 00:07:22,800
Okay, then maybe you should start
heading on out then.
149
00:07:24,100 --> 00:07:25,700
No, this is fun.
150
00:07:26,200 --> 00:07:29,000
Oh, the thing about tomatoes--
and I think you'll really enjoy this--
151
00:07:29,300 --> 00:07:32,700
is they're shelved with the vegetables,
but they're technically a fruit.
152
00:07:32,900 --> 00:07:34,200
- Interesting.
- Isn't it?
153
00:07:34,300 --> 00:07:36,500
No, I mean
what you find enjoyable.
154
00:07:41,100 --> 00:07:42,100
Oh, boy.
155
00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:45,000
What now?
156
00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:48,400
Well, there's some value
to taking a multivitamin,
157
00:07:48,600 --> 00:07:50,700
but the human body
can only absorb so much.
158
00:07:50,900 --> 00:07:52,100
What you're buying here
159
00:07:52,400 --> 00:07:55,000
are the ingredients
for very expensive urine.
160
00:07:56,600 --> 00:07:59,200
Well, maybe that's what
I was going for.
161
00:07:59,600 --> 00:08:01,400
Then you'll want some manganese.
162
00:08:08,300 --> 00:08:09,700
That was fun.
163
00:08:09,900 --> 00:08:12,400
Maybe tomorrow we can go
to one of those big warehouse stores.
164
00:08:12,500 --> 00:08:13,700
Oh, I don't know.
165
00:08:13,900 --> 00:08:17,600
It's going to take me a while to recover
from all the fun I had today.
166
00:08:18,600 --> 00:08:19,600
Are you sure?
167
00:08:19,800 --> 00:08:21,700
There are a lot of advantages
to buying in bulk.
168
00:08:21,900 --> 00:08:24,400
For example, I noticed
that you purchase your tampons
169
00:08:24,600 --> 00:08:26,000
one-month supply at a time.
170
00:08:28,700 --> 00:08:29,700
What?
171
00:08:30,300 --> 00:08:32,300
Think about it.
It's a product that doesn't spoil
172
00:08:32,500 --> 00:08:35,800
and you're going to be needing them
for at least the next 30 years.
173
00:08:36,500 --> 00:08:39,100
You want me to buy 30 years
worth of tampons?
174
00:08:39,900 --> 00:08:42,500
Well, 30, 35.
When did your mother go into menopause?
175
00:08:44,500 --> 00:08:46,100
I'm not talking
about this with you.
176
00:08:47,600 --> 00:08:49,000
This is a natural human process,
177
00:08:49,200 --> 00:08:51,600
and we're talking about
statistically significant savings.
178
00:08:51,800 --> 00:08:55,500
Now, if you assume 15 tampons
per cycle and a 28-day cycle...
179
00:08:55,600 --> 00:08:57,100
Are you fairly regular?
180
00:09:02,300 --> 00:09:03,600
Okay, no warehouse store,
181
00:09:03,700 --> 00:09:05,800
but we're still on
for putt-putt golf, right?
182
00:09:12,000 --> 00:09:14,700
Hey, I just ran into Penny.
She seemed upset about something.
183
00:09:15,100 --> 00:09:17,200
I think it's her time of the month.
184
00:09:19,600 --> 00:09:22,000
I marked the calendar
for future reference.
185
00:09:25,400 --> 00:09:26,900
What's with the fish?
186
00:09:27,900 --> 00:09:29,400
It's an experiment.
187
00:09:30,800 --> 00:09:32,700
What happened
to your scrambled egg research?
188
00:09:32,800 --> 00:09:34,100
Oh, that was a dead end.
189
00:09:34,300 --> 00:09:37,100
Scrambled eggs are as good
as they're ever going to be.
190
00:09:37,700 --> 00:09:39,800
So... fish?
191
00:09:41,500 --> 00:09:43,500
I read an article
about Japanese scientists
192
00:09:43,600 --> 00:09:46,300
who inserted DNA from luminous
jellyfish into other animals,
193
00:09:46,600 --> 00:09:49,600
and I thought,
"Hey, fish nightlights."
194
00:09:53,200 --> 00:09:54,500
Fish nightlights?
195
00:09:54,900 --> 00:09:56,500
It's a billion-dollar idea.
196
00:09:59,000 --> 00:10:00,000
Mum's the word.
197
00:10:01,700 --> 00:10:03,200
Are you sure you don't want
198
00:10:03,300 --> 00:10:05,800
to just apologize to Gablehauser
and get your job back?
199
00:10:06,900 --> 00:10:08,300
No, I have too much to do.
200
00:10:09,700 --> 00:10:10,900
Like luminous fish.
201
00:10:11,800 --> 00:10:13,300
I'm sorry.
I didn't...
202
00:10:15,300 --> 00:10:16,500
That's just the beginning.
203
00:10:16,900 --> 00:10:18,100
I also have an idea
204
00:10:18,300 --> 00:10:20,900
for a bulk mail-order
feminine hygiene company.
205
00:10:21,100 --> 00:10:23,100
Oh, glow-in-the-dark tampons!
206
00:10:26,500 --> 00:10:28,300
Leonard, we're gonna be rich.
207
00:10:32,400 --> 00:10:34,300
Thanks for coming
on such short notice.
208
00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:37,100
- You did the right thing calling.
- I didn't know what else to do.
209
00:10:37,300 --> 00:10:40,400
He's lost all focus.
Every day he's got a new obsession.
210
00:10:47,300 --> 00:10:49,800
This is a particularly disturbing one.
211
00:10:52,800 --> 00:10:53,800
Mommy?
212
00:10:54,900 --> 00:10:56,600
Hi, baby!
1
00:11:05,200 --> 00:11:08,400
Oh, you got yourself a loom?
How nice!
2
00:11:09,100 --> 00:11:10,100
Thank you.
3
00:11:10,300 --> 00:11:12,000
Honey, why'd you get a loom?
4
00:11:13,500 --> 00:11:16,200
I was working with luminous fish,
and I thought...
5
00:11:18,700 --> 00:11:19,700
"loom."
6
00:11:22,300 --> 00:11:24,300
Mom, what are you doing here?
7
00:11:24,600 --> 00:11:25,800
Leonard called me.
8
00:11:26,300 --> 00:11:27,900
I know, but why?
9
00:11:28,400 --> 00:11:30,700
Because one of the great minds
of the 21st century
10
00:11:30,900 --> 00:11:34,100
is raising glow-in-the-dark fish
and weaving serapes.
11
00:11:35,100 --> 00:11:37,400
This is not a serape,
this is a poncho.
12
00:11:37,600 --> 00:11:39,700
A serape is open at the sides;
a poncho is closed.
13
00:11:39,900 --> 00:11:40,900
This is a poncho.
14
00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:43,700
And neither is a reason
to call someone'smother.
15
00:11:45,500 --> 00:11:47,700
Really? When was the last time
you left the house?
16
00:11:48,600 --> 00:11:50,000
I went to the market with Penny.
17
00:11:50,200 --> 00:11:51,700
That was three weeks ago.
18
00:11:52,100 --> 00:11:54,500
Well, then buckle up.
In the next four to eight days
19
00:11:54,600 --> 00:11:56,500
she's going to get very crabby.
20
00:11:59,100 --> 00:12:01,900
Sweetheart, your little friend
is concerned about you.
21
00:12:02,100 --> 00:12:04,400
Yes, well, I'm not a child--
I'm a grown man,
22
00:12:04,600 --> 00:12:06,500
capable of living my life as I see fit.
23
00:12:06,700 --> 00:12:09,700
And I certainly don't need someone
telling on me to my mother!
24
00:12:11,100 --> 00:12:12,400
Wait, where are you going?
25
00:12:12,600 --> 00:12:14,900
To my room.
And no one's allowed in!
26
00:12:17,400 --> 00:12:19,100
He gets his temper
from his daddy.
27
00:12:20,200 --> 00:12:21,300
He's got my eyes.
28
00:12:21,500 --> 00:12:22,600
I see.
29
00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:25,600
All that science stuff,
that comes from Jesus.
30
00:12:29,500 --> 00:12:32,100
- Sheldon, your mom made dinner.
- I'm not hungry!
31
00:12:33,200 --> 00:12:35,200
Don't trouble yourself.
He's stubborn.
32
00:12:35,400 --> 00:12:37,300
He may stay in there till the Rapture.
33
00:12:39,100 --> 00:12:40,900
We so sure that's abadthing?
34
00:12:41,500 --> 00:12:43,100
I tell you,
I love the boy to death,
35
00:12:43,200 --> 00:12:46,600
but he has been difficult since
he fell out of me at the K-Mart.
36
00:12:49,200 --> 00:12:50,700
Excuse me for being so bold,
37
00:12:50,800 --> 00:12:54,300
but I now see where Sheldon
gets his smoldering good looks.
38
00:12:56,200 --> 00:12:58,500
Honey, that ain't gonna work,
but you keep tryin'.
39
00:13:00,000 --> 00:13:01,200
I made chicken.
40
00:13:02,000 --> 00:13:05,900
I hope that isn't one of the animals
that you people think is magic.
41
00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:14,500
You know, we have an Indian
gentleman at our church,
42
00:13:14,700 --> 00:13:17,000
a Dr. Patel--
It's a beautiful story.
43
00:13:17,200 --> 00:13:21,700
The Lord spoke to him and moved him
to give us all 20% off on Lasik--
44
00:13:21,800 --> 00:13:23,400
You know, those that needed it.
45
00:13:24,300 --> 00:13:25,700
That is a lovely story.
46
00:13:26,200 --> 00:13:27,900
Are we gonna do anything about Sheldon?
47
00:13:28,100 --> 00:13:30,500
Oh, we will.
You have to take your time with Sheldon.
48
00:13:30,900 --> 00:13:33,200
His father, God rest his soul,
used to always say to me,
49
00:13:33,400 --> 00:13:36,100
"Mary, you have to take
your time with Sheldon."
50
00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:40,200
- Sounds like a wise man.
- Oh, not so wise.
51
00:13:40,400 --> 00:13:43,000
He once tried to fight a bobcat
for some licorice.
52
00:13:44,300 --> 00:13:46,300
So, everybody
grab a plate
53
00:13:46,600 --> 00:13:49,200
and a pretty place mat
that Shelly wove.
54
00:13:49,900 --> 00:13:52,000
Has Shelly ever freaked out
like this before?
55
00:13:52,100 --> 00:13:53,400
Oh, all the time.
56
00:13:53,700 --> 00:13:55,900
I remember one summer
when he was 13,
57
00:13:56,100 --> 00:13:58,700
he built a small nuclear
reactor in the shed
58
00:13:59,400 --> 00:14:02,600
and told everybody he was gonna provide
free electricity for the whole town.
59
00:14:02,800 --> 00:14:04,100
Well, the only problem was,
60
00:14:04,200 --> 00:14:06,700
he had no what you call
"fissionable" materials.
61
00:14:08,000 --> 00:14:10,700
Anyway, when he went on the Internets
to get some,
62
00:14:10,900 --> 00:14:14,400
a man from the government
came by and sat him down
63
00:14:14,700 --> 00:14:17,100
real gentle, and told him
it's against the law
64
00:14:17,300 --> 00:14:19,100
to have yellow-cake uranium
in a shed.
65
00:14:20,600 --> 00:14:22,900
- What happened?
- Well, poor boy had a fit.
66
00:14:23,100 --> 00:14:26,000
Locked himself in his room
and built a sonic death ray.
67
00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:28,200
A death ray?
68
00:14:28,500 --> 00:14:31,600
That's what he called it.
Didn't even slow down the neighbor kids.
69
00:14:33,200 --> 00:14:35,100
It pissed our dog off to no end.
70
00:14:37,400 --> 00:14:39,500
You know, you two
make a cute couple.
71
00:14:41,400 --> 00:14:43,200
No. We're not...
we're not-not a couple.
72
00:14:43,400 --> 00:14:44,600
We're singles. Two singles.
73
00:14:44,800 --> 00:14:48,100
Like those... individuly wrapped
slices of cheese that...
74
00:14:50,500 --> 00:14:51,700
We're friends.
75
00:14:53,200 --> 00:14:55,400
- Did I pluck a nerve there?
- Oh, yeah.
76
00:14:55,800 --> 00:14:57,700
All right, everybody,
it's time to eat.
77
00:14:59,000 --> 00:15:01,500
Oh, Lord,
we thank You for this meal
78
00:15:01,700 --> 00:15:03,300
and all of Your bounty.
79
00:15:04,400 --> 00:15:05,800
And we pray that You help Sheldon
80
00:15:06,000 --> 00:15:07,600
get back on his rocker.
81
00:15:08,700 --> 00:15:11,000
Now, after a moment
of silent meditation,
82
00:15:11,100 --> 00:15:13,200
I'm gonna end with
"In Jesus' name,"
83
00:15:13,400 --> 00:15:15,600
but you two don't feel
any obligation to join in.
84
00:15:17,400 --> 00:15:19,800
Unless, of course,
the Holy Spirit moves you.
85
00:15:29,800 --> 00:15:32,400
Oh, my God, this is the
best cobbler I've ever had.
86
00:15:32,600 --> 00:15:34,200
It was always Sheldon's favorite.
87
00:15:34,300 --> 00:15:36,300
You know what
the secret ingredient is?
88
00:15:36,700 --> 00:15:38,100
- Love?
- Lard.
89
00:15:43,500 --> 00:15:44,800
Hey, look who's come...
90
00:15:45,200 --> 00:15:46,500
You'll spook him.
91
00:15:48,800 --> 00:15:51,400
He's like a baby deer.
You got to let him come to you.
92
00:15:59,800 --> 00:16:02,900
This is ridiculous.
Damn it, Sheldon, snap out of it!
93
00:16:03,200 --> 00:16:04,300
You're a physicist--
94
00:16:04,500 --> 00:16:07,200
You belong at the university
doing research, not hiding in your room!
95
00:16:14,900 --> 00:16:16,100
You don't hunt, do you?
96
00:16:22,900 --> 00:16:24,800
Good morning, snickerdoodle.
97
00:16:26,200 --> 00:16:27,300
Morning.
98
00:16:27,600 --> 00:16:30,000
Well, that looks awful fancy.
What is that?
99
00:16:31,700 --> 00:16:33,700
It's my idea
of what DNA would look like
100
00:16:33,900 --> 00:16:35,600
in a silicon-based life-form.
101
00:16:37,400 --> 00:16:41,000
But intelligently designed
by a creator, right?
102
00:16:43,600 --> 00:16:44,800
What do you want, Mom?
103
00:16:45,300 --> 00:16:49,200
You know how your daddy used to say
that you can only fish for so long
104
00:16:49,400 --> 00:16:52,000
before you got to throw a
stick of dynamite in the water?
105
00:16:53,600 --> 00:16:55,300
Well, I'm done fishing.
106
00:16:57,200 --> 00:16:58,200
You put those on.
107
00:16:58,400 --> 00:16:59,900
- What for?
- Because you're gonna
108
00:17:00,100 --> 00:17:02,100
go down to your office,
you're gonna apologize
109
00:17:02,200 --> 00:17:03,800
to your boss
and get your job back.
110
00:17:04,300 --> 00:17:05,400
No.
I'm sorry,
111
00:17:05,500 --> 00:17:07,400
did I start that sentence
with the words,
112
00:17:07,500 --> 00:17:09,300
"If it please Your Highness"?
113
00:17:11,600 --> 00:17:14,300
I'm not going to apologize--
I didn't say anything that wasn't true.
114
00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:15,800
Now, you listen here.
115
00:17:16,000 --> 00:17:18,500
I have been telling you
since you were four years old,
116
00:17:18,700 --> 00:17:20,600
it's okay to be smarter
than everybody,
117
00:17:20,700 --> 00:17:22,400
but you can't go around
pointing it out.
118
00:17:22,700 --> 00:17:25,300
- Why not?
- Because people don't like it!
119
00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:29,600
Remember all the ass-kickings
you got from the neighbor kids?
120
00:17:32,600 --> 00:17:34,300
Now, let's get crackin'.
121
00:17:34,600 --> 00:17:37,300
Shower, shirt, shoes,
and let's shove off.
122
00:17:40,000 --> 00:17:41,700
There wouldn't have been
any ass-kickings
123
00:17:41,900 --> 00:17:43,800
if that stupid death ray
had worked.
124
00:17:48,700 --> 00:17:49,700
Problem solved.
125
00:17:50,800 --> 00:17:53,000
Really? That's impressive.
126
00:17:53,400 --> 00:17:56,200
Leonard, the Lord never gives
us more than we can handle.
127
00:17:56,700 --> 00:17:59,000
Thankfully, He blessed me
with two other children
128
00:17:59,100 --> 00:18:00,300
who are dumb as soup.
129
00:18:06,300 --> 00:18:08,300
Excuse me, Dr. Gablehauser,
are you busy?
130
00:18:08,500 --> 00:18:10,500
- Well, actually...
- Sheldon, he's just doodlin'.
131
00:18:10,700 --> 00:18:11,800
Get in here.
132
00:18:19,100 --> 00:18:21,300
Let's go, baby.
We're losing daylight.
133
00:18:25,900 --> 00:18:26,900
As you know,
134
00:18:27,200 --> 00:18:29,800
several weeks ago
in our first encounter,
135
00:18:30,200 --> 00:18:32,000
we may have gotten off
on the wrong foot
136
00:18:32,200 --> 00:18:33,900
when I called you an idiot.
137
00:18:35,100 --> 00:18:37,600
And I just wanted to say
that I was wrong...
138
00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:39,400
to point it out.
139
00:18:42,700 --> 00:18:44,500
I'm sorry,
we haven't been introduced.
140
00:18:46,900 --> 00:18:48,000
Sheldon's mom.
141
00:18:48,200 --> 00:18:51,400
Now, that's impossible! You must
have had him when you were a teenager.
142
00:18:51,700 --> 00:18:53,900
Oh, aren't you sweet.
His father's dead.
143
00:18:57,000 --> 00:18:58,600
- Recently?
- Long enough.
144
00:18:59,700 --> 00:19:00,700
Please.
145
00:19:02,200 --> 00:19:03,700
Sheldon, shouldn't you be working?
146
00:19:15,000 --> 00:19:16,100
Hey, how did it go?
147
00:19:16,900 --> 00:19:18,100
I got my job back.
148
00:19:18,200 --> 00:19:19,700
Really?
What happened?
149
00:19:20,700 --> 00:19:22,100
I'm not quite sure.
150
00:19:23,300 --> 00:19:25,200
It involves a part
of the human experience
151
00:19:25,400 --> 00:19:27,100
that has always eluded me.
152
00:19:28,100 --> 00:19:29,700
That narrows it down.
1
00:19:33,400 --> 00:19:34,800
I'm very proud of you honey.
2
00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:36,800
You showed a lot of courage today.
3
00:19:37,800 --> 00:19:38,800
Thanks, Mom.
4
00:19:45,300 --> 00:19:48,100
Is Dr. Gablehauser going
to be my new daddy?
5
00:19:51,500 --> 00:19:52,500
We'll see.
6
00:19:53,200 --> 00:19:54,200
Sleep tight.
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
10000
00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:13,000
The Big Bang Theory - 1x05 - The Hamburger Postulate
00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,000
00:00:00,400 --> 00:00:03,300
All right!
I'm moving my infantry division.
00:00:03,500 --> 00:00:06,600
Augmented by bataillon of orcs
from Lord of the Rings.
00:00:06,800 --> 00:00:08,400
We flank the Tennessee volunteers
00:00:08,600 --> 00:00:11,500
and the North, once again,
wins the battle of Gettysburg.
00:00:11,900 --> 00:00:13,100
Not so fast!
00:00:13,200 --> 00:00:15,400

Remember, the South still has
two infantry divisions,
00:00:15,600 --> 00:00:17,300
plus Superman and Godzilla.
00:00:17,900 --> 00:00:21,200
No, orcs are magic. Superman
is vulnerable to magic.
00:00:21,300 --> 00:00:25,500
Not to mention you already lost Godzilla
to the Illinois cavalry and Hulk.
10
00:00:26,100 --> 00:00:30,000
Why don't you just have Robert E. Lee
charge the line with Shiva and Ganesh?
11
00:00:30,300 --> 00:00:32,300
- You guys ready to order?
- Hang on, honey.
12
00:00:32,500 --> 00:00:33,700
Shiva and Ganesh,

13
00:00:33,900 --> 00:00:36,200
the Hindu gods,
against the entire Union army?
14
00:00:36,400 --> 00:00:37,400
And orcs.
15
00:00:38,300 --> 00:00:39,400
I'll be back.
16
00:00:39,800 --> 00:00:40,800
Excuse me.
17
00:00:40,900 --> 00:00:43,600
Ganesh is the Remover of Obstacles
and Shiva is the Destroyer.
18
00:00:43,800 --> 00:00:46,400
When the smoke clears,
Abraham Lincoln will be speaking Hindi
19
00:00:46,600 --> 00:00:48,000
and drinking mint juleps.

20
00:00:48,600 --> 00:00:51,900
My boss says you have to either order
or leave and never come back.
21
00:00:52,800 --> 00:00:55,700
What do you recommend for someone
who worked up a man-sized appetite
22
00:00:55,900 --> 00:00:58,000
from a morning of weight training
and cardio funk?
23
00:00:58,200 --> 00:00:59,200
A shower.
24
00:01:00,300 --> 00:01:02,400
I'll take the Heart Smart platter.
25
00:01:03,200 --> 00:01:04,900
All right, thank you,
and Sheldon?
26
00:01:05,300 --> 00:01:07,300
We don't eat here.

I don't know what's good.
27
00:01:07,600 --> 00:01:10,100
- It's all good.
- Statistically unlikely.
28
00:01:11,200 --> 00:01:13,200
Just get a hamburger.
You like hamburgers.
29
00:01:13,300 --> 00:01:15,200
I like hamburgers
where we usually have them.
30
00:01:15,400 --> 00:01:17,700
You can't make the assumption
that I'll like them here.
31
00:01:18,600 --> 00:01:19,600
I'm sorry.
32
00:01:19,800 --> 00:01:21,700
- Give him a hamburger.
- Which one?
33
00:01:21,900 --> 00:01:23,800
The Classic Burger,
the Ranch House Burger,
34
00:01:23,900 --> 00:01:25,700
the Barbecue Burger,
or the Kobe Burger?
35
00:01:25,900 --> 00:01:27,600
Can't we just go to Big Boy?
36
00:01:27,900 --> 00:01:30,500
They only have one burger...
the Big Boy.
37
00:01:31,000 --> 00:01:32,600
The Barbecue Burger's like the Big Boy.
38
00:01:32,800 --> 00:01:35,200
Excuse me, in a world
that already includes a Big Boy,
39
00:01:35,300 --> 00:01:37,400
why would I settle for

something like a Big Boy?
40
00:01:37,700 --> 00:01:39,600
Because you're not at Big Boy!
41
00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:43,600
- Fine, I'll have the Barbecue Burger.
- Make it two.
42
00:01:43,700 --> 00:01:45,900
Waitresses don't yell at you
at Big Boy.
43
00:01:47,100 --> 00:01:48,700
Hey, Leonard.
Hi, guys.
44
00:01:48,900 --> 00:01:50,000
Hi, Leslie.
45
00:01:50,100 --> 00:01:51,400
I didn't know you ate here.
46
00:01:51,500 --> 00:01:53,600

We don't.
This is a disturbing aberration.
47
00:01:54,000 --> 00:01:55,100
Leslie, this is Penny.
48
00:01:55,200 --> 00:01:57,100
She lives across the hall
from Sheldon and me.
49
00:01:57,300 --> 00:01:59,800
And walks in quiet beauty
like the night.
50
00:02:00,800 --> 00:02:02,700
Howard, I've asked you not to do that.
51
00:02:03,900 --> 00:02:06,200
Leslie and I do research together
at the university.
52
00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:08,600
Wow, a girl scientist.
53
00:02:08,900 --> 00:02:11,000
Yep, come for the breasts,
stay for the brains.
54
00:02:12,700 --> 00:02:13,700
Glad I ran into you.
55
00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:16,200
The Physics Department string quartet
needs a new cellist.
56
00:02:16,400 --> 00:02:17,700
What happened to Elliot Wong?
57
00:02:17,900 --> 00:02:19,900
He switched over
to high-energy radiation research,
58
00:02:20,000 --> 00:02:21,800
had a little mishap,
and now the other guys
59
00:02:21,900 --> 00:02:23,600
are uncomfortable sitting next to him.

60
00:02:24,200 --> 00:02:26,200
- You're in?
- Yeah, sure, why not?
61
00:02:26,500 --> 00:02:28,700
Great, we rehearse
on Tuesdays at your place.
62
00:02:28,800 --> 00:02:29,800
Why at my place?
63
00:02:30,000 --> 00:02:33,300
Department of Energy said
our regular space is kind of a hot zone.
64
00:02:34,100 --> 00:02:35,900
- Nice meeting you.
- Yeah, you, too.
65
00:02:36,900 --> 00:02:38,500
I didn't know you played the cello.
66
00:02:38,600 --> 00:02:40,900
Yeah, my parents felt

that naming me Leonard
67
00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:43,200
and putting me
in Advanced Placement classes
68
00:02:43,400 --> 00:02:45,300
wasn't getting me beaten up enough.
69
00:02:46,100 --> 00:02:48,900
If you're into music,
I happen to be a human beatbox.
70
00:02:49,200 --> 00:02:50,000
Really?
71
00:02:57,000 --> 00:02:58,900
I'm actually not that into music.
72
00:02:59,900 --> 00:03:01,200
Your friend's really cute.
73
00:03:01,400 --> 00:03:02,900
Anything going on with you two?

74
00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:04,600
Leslie?
75
00:03:04,700 --> 00:03:05,700
No, no.
76
00:03:06,200 --> 00:03:08,200
- What, are you kidding?
- He asked her out once.
77
00:03:08,300 --> 00:03:10,100
It was an embarrassing failure.
78
00:03:10,600 --> 00:03:12,100
- Thank you, Sheldon.
- I'm sorry.
79
00:03:12,300 --> 00:03:13,800
Was that supposed to be a secret?
80
00:03:15,100 --> 00:03:17,100
That's too bad.
You guys'd make a cute couple.

81
00:03:19,500 --> 00:03:20,500
Oh, dear.
82
00:03:20,800 --> 00:03:22,800
- What's the matter?
- She didn't take my order.
83
00:03:22,900 --> 00:03:25,900
How can she take your order
when you're too neurotic to talk to her?
84
00:03:26,800 --> 00:03:29,600
Nevertheless,
this will be reflected in her tip.
85
00:03:32,900 --> 00:03:35,200
What did Penny mean,
"You'd make a cute couple?"
86
00:03:35,900 --> 00:03:37,700
I assume she meant
the two of you together
87
00:03:37,900 --> 00:03:41,100
would constitute a couple
that others might consider cute.
88
00:03:42,700 --> 00:03:44,900
An alternate and somewhat
less likely interpretation
89
00:03:45,100 --> 00:03:47,100
is that you could manufacture one.
90
00:03:48,700 --> 00:03:51,400
As in, "Look, Leonard and Leslie
made Mr. and Mrs. Goldfarb.
91
00:03:51,500 --> 00:03:52,700
Aren't they adorable?"
92
00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:56,100
If Penny didn't know
that Leslie had turned me down,
93
00:03:56,200 --> 00:03:57,700
then it would unambiguously mean

94
00:03:57,800 --> 00:04:00,600
that she, Penny, thought
I should ask her, Leslie, out,
95
00:04:00,800 --> 00:04:03,800
indicating that she had no interest
in me asking her, Penny, out.
96
00:04:03,900 --> 00:04:06,300
But, because she did know
that I had asked Leslie out
97
00:04:06,500 --> 00:04:09,200
and that she, Leslie,
had turned me down, then she, Penny,
98
00:04:09,300 --> 00:04:11,200
could be offering consolation.
99
00:04:13,200 --> 00:04:16,100
"That's too bad,
you would have made a cute couple,"
100
00:04:16,300 --> 00:04:19,700

but while thinking: "Good,
Leonard remains available."
101
00:04:21,800 --> 00:04:23,700
You're a lucky man, Leonard.
102
00:04:25,600 --> 00:04:28,100
- How so?
- You're talking to one of the three men
103
00:04:28,200 --> 00:04:31,900
in the Western hemisphere capable
of following that train of thought.
104
00:04:32,400 --> 00:04:33,800
Well, what do you think?
105
00:04:34,000 --> 00:04:36,600
I said I could follow it.
I didn't say I care.
106
00:04:57,700 --> 00:05:01,000
Season 1 Episode 5:
The Hamburger Postulate

1
00:05:08,600 --> 00:05:10,300
I admire your fingering.
00:05:11,500 --> 00:05:12,500
Thank you.
00:05:14,200 --> 00:05:16,900
Maybe sometime you can try that
on my instrument.
00:05:26,000 --> 00:05:27,600
- G'night, guys. Good job.
- Thanks.
00:05:27,700 --> 00:05:29,200
See you next week.
00:05:29,600 --> 00:05:32,400
- That was fun. Thanks for including me.
- You're welcome.
00:05:32,700 --> 00:05:35,700
If you're up for it, we could practice
that middle section again.

8
00:05:35,900 --> 00:05:36,900
Sure, why not?
00:05:43,700 --> 00:05:45,300
Just so we're clear,
you understand
10
00:05:45,400 --> 00:05:47,300
that me hanging back
to practice with you
11
00:05:47,400 --> 00:05:49,900
is a pretext for letting you know
that I'm sexually available.
12
00:05:57,300 --> 00:05:58,300
Really?
13
00:05:58,600 --> 00:05:59,900
Yeah, I'm good to go.
14
00:06:00,800 --> 00:06:02,600
I thought you weren't interested in me.

15
00:06:02,900 --> 00:06:04,600
That was before I saw you handling
16
00:06:04,700 --> 00:06:07,100
that beautiful piece
of wood between your legs.
17
00:06:09,300 --> 00:06:10,600
You mean my cello?
18
00:06:10,900 --> 00:06:13,400
No, I mean the obvious,
crude, double entendre.
19
00:06:13,600 --> 00:06:14,900
I'm seducing you.
20
00:06:16,800 --> 00:06:17,900
No kidding.
21
00:06:19,100 --> 00:06:21,300
What can I say?
I'm a passionate and impulsive woman.

22
00:06:23,400 --> 00:06:24,400
So how about it?
23
00:06:27,300 --> 00:06:28,400
Is it the waitress?
24
00:06:30,200 --> 00:06:31,200
What about her?
25
00:06:31,500 --> 00:06:33,800
I thought I saw your pupils
dilate when you looked at her.
26
00:06:34,000 --> 00:06:37,200
Which, unless you're a heroin addict,
points to sexual attraction.
27
00:06:38,700 --> 00:06:40,700
I did have a poppy seed bagel
for breakfast.
28
00:06:40,900 --> 00:06:43,800
Which could cause a positive

urine test for opiates,
29
00:06:43,900 --> 00:06:45,600
but certainly not dilate my pupils.
30
00:06:45,800 --> 00:06:48,300
So I guess there was no point
in bringing it up.
31
00:06:49,500 --> 00:06:51,200
You and the waitress then.
32
00:06:51,400 --> 00:06:52,400
No... no.
33
00:06:52,700 --> 00:06:55,100
There's nothing going on
between Penny and me.
34
00:06:55,700 --> 00:06:57,800
So you're open
to a sexual relationship?
35
00:06:59,200 --> 00:07:00,900

Yeah, yeah, I guess I am.
36
00:07:01,200 --> 00:07:03,700
- Good.
- Yeah, it is. It is good.
37
00:07:06,000 --> 00:07:07,600
Did you want to start now?
38
00:07:08,200 --> 00:07:10,000
Why don't we finish
the section first?
39
00:07:11,400 --> 00:07:13,400
A little musical foreplay.
Terrific.
40
00:07:34,900 --> 00:07:35,900
I'm good to go.
41
00:07:36,100 --> 00:07:37,100
Me, too.
42
00:07:49,100 --> 00:07:50,500

Hey, Sheldon.
What's going on?
43
00:07:50,800 --> 00:07:53,100
I need your opinion
on a matter of semiotics.
44
00:07:53,600 --> 00:07:54,600
I'm sorry?
45
00:07:55,200 --> 00:07:57,200
Semiotics.
The study of signs and symbols.
46
00:07:57,300 --> 00:08:00,000
It's a branch of philosophy
related to linguistics.
47
00:08:01,800 --> 00:08:05,400
Okay, sweetie, I know you think
you're explaing yourself,
48
00:08:05,600 --> 00:08:07,200
but you're really not.

49
00:08:09,700 --> 00:08:11,000
Just come with me.
50
00:08:15,700 --> 00:08:17,700
- Well?
- Well, what?
51
00:08:18,200 --> 00:08:19,600
What does it mean?
52
00:08:20,400 --> 00:08:22,400
Oh, come on,
you went to college.
53
00:08:22,600 --> 00:08:23,900
Yes, but I was 11.
54
00:08:26,800 --> 00:08:28,900
All right, look,
a tie on the doorknob usually means
55
00:08:29,000 --> 00:08:30,600
someone doesn't want to be disturbed

56
00:08:30,800 --> 00:08:33,900
because, they're...
you know, gettin' busy.
57
00:08:36,100 --> 00:08:38,000
So you're saying Leonard
has a girl in there?
58
00:08:38,200 --> 00:08:40,500
Well, either that
or he's lost his tie rack
59
00:08:40,600 --> 00:08:42,700
and gotten really into Bryan Adams.
60
00:08:44,100 --> 00:08:45,900
Oh, Leonard, you magnificent beast.
61
00:08:49,100 --> 00:08:51,200
We really shouldn't be standing here.
62
00:08:53,600 --> 00:08:55,200
This is very awkward.

63
00:08:55,700 --> 00:08:58,800
Oh, come on, Leonard's had
girls over before, right?
64
00:08:59,500 --> 00:09:03,100
Yes, but there's usually planning,
courtship, advance notice...
65
00:09:04,400 --> 00:09:08,300
Last time, I was able to book a cruise
to the Arctic to see a solar eclipse.
66
00:09:09,700 --> 00:09:13,000
You had to leave the state
because your roommate was having sex?
67
00:09:13,300 --> 00:09:16,200
I didn't have to.
The dates just happened to coincide.
68
00:09:19,200 --> 00:09:21,200
So, do you know who's in there?
69
00:09:22,400 --> 00:09:23,900

Well, there's Leonard.
70
00:09:27,500 --> 00:09:31,100
And he's either with Leslie Winkle
or a 1930s gangster.
71
00:09:35,100 --> 00:09:36,400
Good for him.
72
00:09:37,300 --> 00:09:38,900
Good for Leonard.
73
00:09:40,700 --> 00:09:41,800
Okay, g'night.
74
00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:43,500
No, no, wait, hold on.
75
00:09:43,700 --> 00:09:44,800
What's the matter?
76
00:09:45,400 --> 00:09:47,100
I don't know what the protocol is here.

77
00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:50,600
Do I stay? Do I leave?
78
00:09:51,100 --> 00:09:53,700
Do I wait to greet them
with a refreshing beverage?
79
00:09:56,600 --> 00:09:58,000
You're asking the wrong girl.
80
00:09:58,200 --> 00:10:00,100
I'm usually
on the other side of the tie.
81
00:10:21,200 --> 00:10:22,300
Hi, Leonard?
82
00:10:25,800 --> 00:10:28,100
It's me, Sheldon...
83
00:10:30,400 --> 00:10:31,700
In the living room.
84
00:10:32,300 --> 00:10:34,600
I just... I wanted you
to know I saw the tie.
85
00:10:34,900 --> 00:10:36,100
Message received.
86
00:10:40,100 --> 00:10:41,300
You're welcome.
87
00:10:43,200 --> 00:10:44,200
You carry on.
88
00:10:44,300 --> 00:10:46,000
Give my best to Leslie.
00:11:25,100 --> 00:11:26,300
Big Boy...
00:11:51,500 --> 00:11:53,100
Someone touched my board.
00:11:56,800 --> 00:11:58,300
Oh, God, my board!

4
00:12:04,600 --> 00:12:06,200
Hey, what's the matter?
00:12:06,400 --> 00:12:08,600
My equations, someone's tampered
with my equations.
00:12:09,000 --> 00:12:10,400
- Are you sure?
- Of course I am.
00:12:10,600 --> 00:12:12,700
Look at the beta function
of quantum chromodynamics.
00:12:12,900 --> 00:12:14,400
The sign's been changed.
00:12:15,300 --> 00:12:16,300
Oh, yeah.
10
00:12:16,700 --> 00:12:18,900
But doesn't that fix the problem

you've been having?
11
00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:21,400
Are you insane?
Are you out of your mind?
12
00:12:21,600 --> 00:12:22,300
Are you-- Look!
13
00:12:22,500 --> 00:12:24,800
That fixes the problem
I've been having.
14
00:12:26,200 --> 00:12:27,300
You're welcome.
15
00:12:29,300 --> 00:12:30,600
You did this?
16
00:12:31,900 --> 00:12:34,600
I noticed it when I got up
to get a glass of water. So I fixed it.
17
00:12:34,700 --> 00:12:37,700

Now you can show that quarks are
asymptotically free at high energies.
18
00:12:37,800 --> 00:12:38,900
Pretty cool, huh?
19
00:12:41,200 --> 00:12:42,300
"Cool"?
20
00:12:43,500 --> 00:12:46,400
Listen, I've got to get to the lab.
Thanks for a great night.
21
00:12:48,100 --> 00:12:49,600
Thank you.
I'll see you at work.
22
00:12:50,100 --> 00:12:51,800
Hold on. Hold on!
23
00:12:52,700 --> 00:12:54,800
- What?
- Who told you you could touch my board?
24
00:12:55,600 --> 00:12:56,400
No one.
25
00:12:56,600 --> 00:12:58,700
I don't come into your house
and touch your board.
26
00:12:59,200 --> 00:13:01,400
There are no incorrect equations
on my board.
27
00:13:05,000 --> 00:13:06,200
Oh, that is so...
28
00:13:06,800 --> 00:13:07,800
so...
29
00:13:10,000 --> 00:13:13,500
Sorry, I've got to run. If you come up
with an adjective, text me.
30
00:13:17,100 --> 00:13:18,200
Inconsiderate.
31
00:13:18,300 --> 00:13:20,800
That is the adjective,
"inconsiderate. "
32
00:13:22,800 --> 00:13:25,700
You can stare at your board all day.
She's still going to be right.
33
00:13:25,900 --> 00:13:27,700
I'm not staring, I'm hauling.
34
00:13:30,200 --> 00:13:31,200
So...
35
00:13:31,500 --> 00:13:33,000
how's it going?
36
00:13:36,400 --> 00:13:37,600
Pretty good.
37
00:13:38,900 --> 00:13:42,100
Just pretty good?
I'd think you were doing very good.
38
00:13:43,900 --> 00:13:46,300
Pretty, very...
there's really no objective scale
39
00:13:46,500 --> 00:13:49,500
for delineating variations of "good."
Why do you ask?
40
00:13:50,100 --> 00:13:51,500
Well, a little bird told me
41
00:13:51,700 --> 00:13:53,900
that you and Leslie
hooked up last night.
42
00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:01,500
So, is it serious?
Do you like her?
43
00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:03,100
I don't...
44
00:14:05,200 --> 00:14:07,100
That's really two different questions.

45
00:14:07,500 --> 00:14:08,600
I'm not...
46
00:14:08,900 --> 00:14:10,400
Sheldon, we have to go!
47
00:14:10,900 --> 00:14:14,100
You're wound awfully tight for a man
who's just had sexual intercourse.
48
00:14:16,600 --> 00:14:19,400
All right, I'll talk to you later,
but I am so happy for you.
49
00:14:21,700 --> 00:14:22,700
Thank you.
50
00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:28,400
What did she mean
she's happy for me?
51
00:14:29,100 --> 00:14:30,700
Is she happy that
I'm seeing someone?

52
00:14:30,900 --> 00:14:32,900
Or is she happy because
she thinks that I am?
53
00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:35,800
Because anyone who cared for someone
would want them to be happy.
54
00:14:35,900 --> 00:14:39,600
Even if the reason for their happiness
made the first person unhappy.
55
00:14:40,300 --> 00:14:42,400
Because the second person,
though happy,
56
00:14:42,600 --> 00:14:45,600
is now romantically unavailable
to the first person.
57
00:14:46,200 --> 00:14:50,000
Do you realize I may have to share
a Nobel Prize with your booty call?

58
00:14:53,600 --> 00:14:54,600
You know what?
59
00:14:55,500 --> 00:14:56,900
I'm being ridiculous.
60
00:14:57,900 --> 00:14:59,600
Who cares what Penny thinks?
61
00:14:59,900 --> 00:15:02,100
Leslie is a terrific girl.
She's attractive.
62
00:15:02,300 --> 00:15:04,800
We like each other.
She's extremely intelligent...
63
00:15:04,900 --> 00:15:07,700
- She's not that intelligent.
- She fixed your equation.
64
00:15:08,000 --> 00:15:09,900
- She got lucky.
- You don't believe in luck.

65
00:15:10,100 --> 00:15:12,600
I don't have to believe
in it for her to be lucky.
66
00:15:13,700 --> 00:15:16,500
Regardless, I have a chance
at a real relationship with Leslie.
67
00:15:16,600 --> 00:15:18,000
I'm not going to pass that up
68
00:15:18,100 --> 00:15:20,300
for some hypothetical future
of happiness with a woman
69
00:15:20,800 --> 00:15:22,900
who may or may not
want me to be happy,
70
00:15:23,100 --> 00:15:25,800
with a woman who is
currently making me happy.
71
00:15:28,600 --> 00:15:30,100
I still don't care.
72
00:15:40,500 --> 00:15:43,800
Careful, Leonard. Liquid nitrogen,
320 degrees below zero.
73
00:15:52,600 --> 00:15:55,000
Why are you smashing
a flash-frozen banana?
74
00:15:55,200 --> 00:15:58,300
Because I got a bowl of Cheerios
and I couldn't find a knife.
75
00:16:00,400 --> 00:16:01,400
So anyway...
76
00:16:02,900 --> 00:16:03,900
Hello.
77
00:16:06,800 --> 00:16:08,100
What are you doing?
78
00:16:08,900 --> 00:16:10,400
Just extending the intimacy.
79
00:16:10,900 --> 00:16:13,000
Do you want to slip over
to the radiation lab
80
00:16:13,300 --> 00:16:15,500
and share a decontamination shower?
81
00:16:20,200 --> 00:16:22,800
What exactly do you think's
going on between us?
82
00:16:24,200 --> 00:16:27,700
I'm not sure, but I think I'm about
to discover how the banana felt.
83
00:16:32,200 --> 00:16:34,500
Listen,
neither of us are neuroscientists,
84
00:16:34,700 --> 00:16:36,600
but we both understand
the biochemistry of sex.

85
00:16:36,800 --> 00:16:38,200
I mean, dopamine in our brains
86
00:16:38,300 --> 00:16:40,300
is released across synapses,
causing pleasure.
87
00:16:40,400 --> 00:16:43,000
You stick electrodes in a rat's brain,
give him an orgasm button,
88
00:16:43,100 --> 00:16:45,200
he'll push that thing
until he starves to death.
89
00:16:46,400 --> 00:16:47,800
Well, who wouldn't?
90
00:16:48,300 --> 00:16:50,300
Well, the only difference
between us and the rat
91
00:16:50,400 --> 00:16:52,700

is that you can't stick an
electrode in our hypothalamus.
92
00:16:52,900 --> 00:16:54,300
That's where you come in.
93
00:16:56,500 --> 00:16:59,200
Yeah, well, I'm just glad
to be a part of it.
94
00:17:00,700 --> 00:17:01,800
So what happens now?
95
00:17:02,000 --> 00:17:05,600
I don't know about your sex drive,
but I'm probably good till New Year's.
96
00:17:11,200 --> 00:17:12,700
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
97
00:17:16,300 --> 00:17:17,900
You want to make plans for New Year's?
98
00:17:18,100 --> 00:17:19,500
Please.
You're smothering me.
99
00:17:22,700 --> 00:17:24,300
Look. It's Dr. Stud!
100
00:17:26,400 --> 00:17:27,400
Dr. What?
101
00:17:27,600 --> 00:17:30,200
The blogosphere is a-buzzin'
with news of you and Leslie Winkle
102
00:17:30,400 --> 00:17:32,600
making eine kleine
bang-bang musik.
103
00:17:34,500 --> 00:17:35,900
How did it get on the Internet?
104
00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:37,200
I put it there.
105
00:17:38,400 --> 00:17:39,900
How did you know about it?
106
00:17:40,100 --> 00:17:41,600
A little bird told us.
107
00:17:42,900 --> 00:17:45,400
Apparently,
you are a magnificent beast.
108
00:17:48,500 --> 00:17:49,900
That part's true.
00:17:56,600 --> 00:17:58,800
I think I may have
misjudged this restaurant.
00:17:59,100 --> 00:18:01,100
- No kidding.
- I don't want to go out on a limb,
00:18:01,200 --> 00:18:04,200
but I think we may be looking
at my new Tuesday hamburger.

4
00:18:05,600 --> 00:18:08,500
Your old Tuesday hamburger
will be so brokenhearted.
00:18:10,100 --> 00:18:12,800
Way ahead of you. I was thinking
of moving Big Boy to Thursdays,
00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:14,800
and just dropping Souplantation.
00:18:16,300 --> 00:18:17,300
Really?
00:18:17,800 --> 00:18:20,800
The name always confused me anyway.
Souplantation.
00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:22,600
You can't grow soup.
10
00:18:26,100 --> 00:18:27,800
So, how's everything?

11
00:18:28,200 --> 00:18:31,000
Terrific. You'll be happy to know
that I plan to come here
12
00:18:31,200 --> 00:18:33,100
every Tuesday night
for the foreseeable future.
13
00:18:33,200 --> 00:18:34,200
Really?
14
00:18:36,900 --> 00:18:39,600
Who do I speak to about
permanently reserving this table?
15
00:18:40,700 --> 00:18:42,800
I don't know...
A psychiatrist?
16
00:18:44,900 --> 00:18:45,900
So, hey,
17
00:18:46,700 --> 00:18:48,800
how are things with you and Leslie?

18
00:18:49,800 --> 00:18:52,400
To be honest, I don't think
it's going to work out.
19
00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:55,300
Oh, that's too bad.
20
00:18:55,700 --> 00:18:56,900
Hey, don't worry.
21
00:18:57,100 --> 00:19:00,300
I'm sure there's someone out there
who's just right for you.
22
00:19:03,400 --> 00:19:05,000
What did she mean by that?!
23
00:19:06,200 --> 00:19:08,100
Was that just a generic platitude,
24
00:19:08,300 --> 00:19:10,200
or was that a subtle bid
for attention?
25
00:19:12,400 --> 00:19:15,300
You know why this hamburger
surpasses the Big Boy?
26
00:19:16,200 --> 00:19:19,200
This is a single-decker hamburger,
whereas the Big Boy is a double-decker.
27
00:19:19,400 --> 00:19:22,600
This has a much more satisfying
meat-to-bun-to-condiment ratio.
28
00:19:24,200 --> 00:19:25,700
Are you even listening to me?
29
00:19:25,900 --> 00:19:29,600
Of course, I'm listening.
Blah, blah, hopeless Penny delusion...
30
00:19:32,400 --> 00:19:33,400
Okay, then.
31
00:19:35,900 --> 00:19:38,600

You know, you can grow
the ingredients for soup.
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
10000
00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:13,000

The Big Bang Theory - 1x06 - The Middle Earth Paradigm
00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,000
00:00:06,800 --> 00:00:09,300
Okay, if no one else was...
00:00:09,300 --> 00:00:12,700
We really sucked at paintball
00:00:12,700 --> 00:00:14,700
Oh, that was
absolutely humiliating
00:00:14,700 --> 00:00:17,800
Oh, come on. Some battles you win,
some battles you lose.
00:00:17,800 --> 00:00:23,600
Yes, but but you don't have to lose
to Kyle Burnsteen Barmistva party.
00:00:23,600 --> 00:00:25,100

I think we have to acknowledge,
00:00:25,100 --> 00:00:29,500
those was some fairly savage
preadolescent jews.
00:00:31,100 --> 00:00:33,700
No, we were annihilated
by our own incompetence
00:00:33,700 --> 00:00:36,800
and the inability of some people
to follow the chain of command.
10
00:00:36,800 --> 00:00:38,400
Sheldon, let it go!
11
00:00:38,400 --> 00:00:43,000
No, I want to talk about the fact
that Wolowitz shot me in the ck.
12
00:00:43,300 --> 00:00:44,600
I shot you for good reason.
13
00:00:44,600 --> 00:00:47,800
You were leading us into disaster.
14
00:00:47,800 --> 00:00:50,300
I was giving clear, concise orders.
15
00:00:50,300 --> 00:00:52,700
You hid behind a tree yelling,
"Get the kid in the yarmulke!
16
00:00:52,700 --> 00:00:54,900
Get the kid in the yarmulke!"
17
00:00:54,900 --> 00:00:56,100
Oh, hey, guys.
18
00:00:56,100 --> 00:00:59,000
- Oh, hey, Penny. Hello.
- Morning, ma'am.
19
00:00:59,000 --> 00:01:01,400
So, how was paintball?
Did you have fun?
20
00:01:01,400 --> 00:01:05,700
Sure, if you consider being fragged
by your own troops fun.
21
00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:09,900
You clear space on your calendar--
there will be an inquiry.
22
00:01:09,900 --> 00:01:11,300
Okay.
23
00:01:11,300 --> 00:01:12,500
Um, hey, I'm having a party on Saturday,
24
00:01:12,500 --> 00:01:14,200
so if you guys are around,
you should come on by.
25
00:01:14,200 --> 00:01:15,400
- A party?
- Yeah.
26
00:01:15,400 --> 00:01:19,000
A... "boy-girl" party?

27
00:01:19,800 --> 00:01:23,800
Well, there will be boys and there will
be girls and it is a party, so...
28
00:01:23,800 --> 00:01:24,900
It'll just be a bunch of my friends.
29
00:01:24,900 --> 00:01:26,900
We'll have some beer, do a little dancing.
30
00:01:26,900 --> 00:01:27,800
Dancing?
31
00:01:27,800 --> 00:01:29,200
Yeah, I don't know, Penny...
32
00:01:29,200 --> 00:01:30,200
The thing is, we're not...
33
00:01:30,200 --> 00:01:33,600
- No, we're really more of a... -No.
34
00:01:33,600 --> 00:01:35,700

But thanks.Thanks for thinking of us.
35
00:01:35,700 --> 00:01:37,800
Are you sure? Come on, it's Halloween.
36
00:01:37,800 --> 00:01:39,200
A Halloween party?
37
00:01:39,200 --> 00:01:40,800
As in... costumes?
38
00:01:40,800 --> 00:01:43,800
Well, yeah.
39
00:01:51,100 --> 00:01:52,600
Is there a theme?
40
00:01:52,600 --> 00:01:55,000
Um, yeah, Halloween.
41
00:01:55,000 --> 00:01:58,500
Yes, but are the costumes
random, or genre-specific?
42
00:01:58,500 --> 00:02:01,000
As usual, I'm not following.
43
00:02:01,000 --> 00:02:05,300
He's asking if we can come as
anyone from science fiction, fantasy...
44
00:02:05,300 --> 00:02:06,700
- Sure.
- What about comic books?
45
00:02:06,700 --> 00:02:07,700
- Fine.
- Anime?
46
00:02:07,700 --> 00:02:09,100
- Of course.
- TV, film,
47
00:02:09,100 --> 00:02:11,500
D- and-D, manga, Greek gods,
Roman gods, Norse gods--
48
00:02:11,500 --> 00:02:13,500

Anything you want! Okay?
49
00:02:13,500 --> 00:02:16,600
Any costume you want.
50
00:02:16,600 --> 00:02:19,000
Bye.
51
00:02:20,000 --> 00:02:22,600
Gentlemen, to the sewing machines.
52
00:02:44,200 --> 00:02:46,000
Season 1 Episode 6:
The Middle Earth Paradigm
00:02:47,800 --> 00:02:49,900
I'll get it.
00:03:04,300 --> 00:03:07,000
Oh, no.
00:03:07,200 --> 00:03:09,600
Oh, no.
4
00:03:09,600 --> 00:03:13,300
Make way for the fastest man alive!
00:03:13,300 --> 00:03:14,600
Oh, no.
00:03:14,600 --> 00:03:17,500
See, this is why I wanted to
have a costume meeting.
00:03:17,500 --> 00:03:20,500
We all have other costumes:
We can change.
00:03:20,500 --> 00:03:23,100
Or we could walk right
behind each other all night
00:03:23,100 --> 00:03:26,700
and look like one person
going really fast.
10
00:03:33,100 --> 00:03:34,600
No, no, no.

11
00:03:34,600 --> 00:03:39,000
It's a boy-girl party, this flash runs solo.
12
00:03:39,300 --> 00:03:40,400
Okay, how about this?
13
00:03:40,400 --> 00:03:41,600
Nobody gets to be The Flash.
14
00:03:41,600 --> 00:03:44,400
We all change. Agreed?
15
00:03:44,400 --> 00:03:46,800
Agreed.
16
00:03:47,600 --> 00:03:49,100
I call Frodo!
17
00:03:49,100 --> 00:03:51,500
Damn!
18
00:03:57,200 --> 00:03:58,500

Hey.
19
00:04:00,700 --> 00:04:05,000
Sorry I'm late, but my hammer got
stuck in the door on the bus.
20
00:04:05,300 --> 00:04:06,300
You went with Thor?
21
00:04:06,300 --> 00:04:10,100
What, just because I'm Indian
I can't be a Norse god?
22
00:04:10,100 --> 00:04:13,300
"No, no, Raj has to be an Indian god."
23
00:04:13,300 --> 00:04:14,700
That's racism.
24
00:04:14,700 --> 00:04:16,800
I mean look at Wolowitz.He's not English,
25
00:04:16,800 --> 00:04:19,600
but he's dressed like Peter Pan.

26
00:04:20,000 --> 00:04:21,700
Sheldon is neither sound nor light,
27
00:04:21,700 --> 00:04:24,700
but he's obviously the Doppler effect.
28
00:04:28,400 --> 00:04:29,600
I'm not Peter Pan.
29
00:04:29,600 --> 00:04:31,400
I'm Robin Hood.
30
00:04:31,400 --> 00:04:32,300
Really?
31
00:04:32,300 --> 00:04:36,600
Because I sawPeter Pan, and
you're dressed exactly like Cathy Rigby.
32
00:04:37,100 --> 00:04:41,100
She was a little bigger than you,
but it's basically the same look, man.

33
00:04:41,900 --> 00:04:44,800
Hey, Sheldon, there's something
I want to talk to you about before
we go to the party.
34
00:04:44,800 --> 00:04:46,400
I don't care if anybody gets it.
35
00:04:46,400 --> 00:04:49,100
I'm going as the Doppler effect.
36
00:04:49,700 --> 00:04:53,000
- No, it's not that.
- If I have to, I can demonstrate.
37
00:04:57,000 --> 00:04:59,000
Terrific.
38
00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:05,700
this party is my first chance for Penny
to see me in the context of her social group,
39
00:05:05,700 --> 00:05:09,000
and I need you not to

embarrass me tonight.
40
00:05:09,700 --> 00:05:12,600
Well, what exactly do you
mean by embarrass you?
41
00:05:12,600 --> 00:05:14,700
Well, for example, tonight,
42
00:05:14,700 --> 00:05:18,000
no one needs to know that
my middle name is Leakey.
43
00:05:18,000 --> 00:05:20,100
But there's nothing embarrassing about that.
44
00:05:20,100 --> 00:05:21,900
Your father worked with Louis Leakey,
45
00:05:21,900 --> 00:05:23,500
a great anthropologist.
46
00:05:23,500 --> 00:05:26,200
It had nothing to do with

your bed-wetting.
47
00:05:27,600 --> 00:05:31,500
All m saying is that this party is the
perfect opportunity for Penny
48
00:05:31,500 --> 00:05:33,900
to see me as a member of her peer group,
49
00:05:33,900 --> 00:05:38,500
a potential close friend, and perhaps more,
50
00:05:38,500 --> 00:05:41,600
and I don't want to look like a dork.
51
00:05:51,400 --> 00:05:52,400
Just a heads up, fellas.
52
00:05:52,400 --> 00:05:56,400
If anyone gets lucky, I've got a dozen
condoms in my quiver.
53
00:05:57,800 --> 00:05:59,600
Oh, hey, guys.

54
00:05:59,600 --> 00:06:01,300
Hey. Sorry we're late.
55
00:06:01,300 --> 00:06:02,200
Late?
56
00:06:02,200 --> 00:06:03,400
It's 7:05.
57
00:06:03,400 --> 00:06:05,600
And you said the party starts at 7:00.
58
00:06:05,600 --> 00:06:07,700
Well, yeah, I mean, when you
start a party at 7:00,
59
00:06:07,700 --> 00:06:11,400
no one shows up at, you know, 7:00.
60
00:06:11,900 --> 00:06:14,500
It's 7:05.
61
00:06:14,500 --> 00:06:16,300
Yes. Yes, it is.
62
00:06:16,300 --> 00:06:19,100
Okay. Well, um, come on in.
63
00:06:26,600 --> 00:06:29,500
So, what, are all the girls in the bathroom?
64
00:06:29,500 --> 00:06:32,800
Probably, but in their own homes.
65
00:06:33,300 --> 00:06:36,300
So, what time does the costume parade start?
66
00:06:36,800 --> 00:06:38,200
The parade?
67
00:06:38,200 --> 00:06:41,300
Yeah, so the judges can give out the
prizes for best costume.
68
00:06:41,300 --> 00:06:43,200
You know, most frightening,

most authentic,
69
00:06:43,200 --> 00:06:47,000
most accurate visualization of
a scientific principal.
70
00:06:48,700 --> 00:06:50,200
Oh, Sheldon, I'm sorry,
71
00:06:50,200 --> 00:06:51,600
but there aren't going to be any parades
72
00:06:51,600 --> 00:06:55,100
or judges or prizes.
73
00:06:55,600 --> 00:06:58,100
This party is just going to suck.
74
00:06:58,300 --> 00:07:00,200
No! Come on, it's going to be fun,
75
00:07:00,200 --> 00:07:01,300
and you all look great.

76
00:07:01,300 --> 00:07:02,900
I mean, look at you, Thor,
77
00:07:02,900 --> 00:07:04,300
and, oh, Peter Pan.
78
00:07:04,300 --> 00:07:06,600
That's so cute.
79
00:07:06,600 --> 00:07:09,700
- Actually, Penny, he's Robin Hood.
- I'm Peter Pan.
80
00:07:10,500 --> 00:07:14,700
And I got a handful of pixie dust
with your name on it.
81
00:07:15,500 --> 00:07:17,800
No, you don't.
82
00:07:19,200 --> 00:07:20,800
Uh, hey, what's Sheldon supposed to be?
83
00:07:20,800 --> 00:07:23,100
Oh, he's the Doppler effect.
84
00:07:23,100 --> 00:07:26,000
Yes. It's the apparent change in
the frequency of a wave
85
00:07:26,000 --> 00:07:30,500
caused by relative motion between
the source of the wave and the observer.
86
00:07:31,700 --> 00:07:33,400
Oh, sure, I see it now.
87
00:07:33,400 --> 00:07:35,600
The Doppler effect.
88
00:07:35,600 --> 00:07:36,500
All right, I got to shower.
89
00:07:36,500 --> 00:07:39,700
You guys, um, make yourselves comfortable.
90
00:07:39,700 --> 00:07:41,400

Okay.
91
00:07:42,300 --> 00:07:43,100
See?
92
00:07:43,100 --> 00:07:45,600
People get it.
93
00:07:58,300 --> 00:08:02,100
By Odin's beard, this is good Chex mix.
94
00:08:02,100 --> 00:08:03,700
No, thanks. Peanuts.
95
00:08:03,700 --> 00:08:06,800
I can't afford to swell up in these tights.
96
00:08:06,800 --> 00:08:08,200
I'm confused.
97
00:08:08,200 --> 00:08:11,800
If there's no costume parade,
what are we doing here?

98
00:08:11,800 --> 00:08:15,100
We're socializing, meeting new people.
99
00:08:15,100 --> 00:08:17,700
Telepathically?
100
00:08:17,700 --> 00:08:20,400
Oh, hey, when did you get here?
101
00:08:20,400 --> 00:08:21,400
Hi.
102
00:08:21,400 --> 00:08:24,200
Penny is wearing the worst Catwoman
costume I've ever seen.
103
00:08:24,200 --> 00:08:26,600
And that includes Halle Berry's.
104
00:08:26,600 --> 00:08:29,500
She's not Catwoman.
She's just a generic cat.
105
00:08:29,500 --> 00:08:31,500
And that's the kind of
sloppy costuming
106
00:08:31,500 --> 00:08:35,400
which results from a lack of
rules and competion.
107
00:08:37,100 --> 00:08:39,600
Hey, guys, check out the sexy nurse.
108
00:08:39,600 --> 00:08:44,900
I believe it's time for me to turn
my head and cough.
109
00:08:45,700 --> 00:08:46,900
What is your move?
110
00:08:46,900 --> 00:08:49,100
I'm going to use the mirror technique.
111
00:08:49,100 --> 00:08:51,100
She brushes her hair back, I brush my hair back...
112
00:08:51,100 --> 00:08:52,100
She shrugs, I shrug.
113
00:08:52,100 --> 00:08:55,900
Subconsciously she's thinking,
"We're in sync. We belong together."
114
00:08:55,900 --> 00:08:58,300
Where do you get this stuff?
115
00:08:58,300 --> 00:09:01,200
You know, psychology journals,
Internet research,
116
00:09:01,200 --> 00:09:06,000
and there's this great show on VH-1
about how to pick up girls.
117
00:09:07,700 --> 00:09:09,900
Oh, if only I had his confidence.
118
00:09:09,900 --> 00:09:13,900
I have such difficulty speaking to
women, or around women...

119
00:09:13,900 --> 00:09:18,000
or at times even effeminate men.
120
00:09:18,000 --> 00:09:19,700
If that's a working stethoscope,
121
00:09:19,700 --> 00:09:23,500
maybe you'd like to hear my
heart skip a beat?
122
00:09:23,500 --> 00:09:24,800
No, thanks.
123
00:09:24,800 --> 00:09:28,800
No, seriously, you can.I have transient
idiopathic arrhythmia.
124
00:09:35,100 --> 00:09:36,700
I want to get to know Penny's friends,
125
00:09:36,700 --> 00:09:40,600
I just don't know how to talk to these people.
126
00:09:40,600 --> 00:09:43,800
Well, I actually might be able to help.
127
00:09:43,800 --> 00:09:44,900
How so?
128
00:09:44,900 --> 00:09:47,400
Like Jane Goodall observing the apes,
129
00:09:47,400 --> 00:09:51,100
I initially saw their interactions as confusing
and unstructured.
130
00:09:51,100 --> 00:09:52,500
But patterns emerge.
131
00:09:52,500 --> 00:09:56,500
They have their own language, if you will.
132
00:09:56,800 --> 00:09:58,400
Go on.
133
00:09:58,400 --> 00:10:02,700
Well, it seems that the newcomer

approaches the existing group
with the greeting,
134
00:10:02,700 --> 00:10:04,600
"How wasted am I?"
135
00:10:04,600 --> 00:10:08,600
Which is met with an approving
chorus of "Dude."
136
00:10:09,100 --> 00:10:10,500
Then what happens?
137
00:10:10,500 --> 00:10:13,200
That's as far as I've gotten.
138
00:10:13,500 --> 00:10:15,000
This is ridiculous.
139
00:10:15,000 --> 00:10:16,300
I'm jumping in.
140
00:10:16,300 --> 00:10:17,200
Good luck.
141
00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:18,700
No, you're coming with me.
142
00:10:18,700 --> 00:10:21,100
Oh, I hardly think so.
143
00:10:21,100 --> 00:10:22,600
Oh, come on.
144
00:10:22,600 --> 00:10:24,400
Aren't you afraid I'll embarrass you?
145
00:10:24,400 --> 00:10:27,000
Yes; but I need a wing man.
146
00:10:27,000 --> 00:10:29,900
All right, but if we're going to use flight metaphors,
147
00:10:29,900 --> 00:10:31,500
I'm much more suited to being the guy
148
00:10:31,500 --> 00:10:35,100

from the FAA analyzing wreckage.
149
00:10:37,400 --> 00:10:38,300
Hi.
150
00:10:38,300 --> 00:10:39,900
Hi. Hello.
151
00:10:39,900 --> 00:10:41,900
So what are you supposed to be?
152
00:10:41,900 --> 00:10:45,400
Me? I'll give you a hint.
153
00:10:48,400 --> 00:10:50,200
A choo-choo train?
154
00:10:50,200 --> 00:10:52,000
Close!
155
00:10:54,200 --> 00:10:57,500
A brain damaged choo-choo train?
156
00:10:58,600 --> 00:11:02,800
How wasted am I?
00:11:11,300 --> 00:11:12,800
I still don't get it.
00:11:12,800 --> 00:11:14,800
I'm the Doppler effect.
00:11:14,800 --> 00:11:16,900
Okay, if that's some
sort of learning disability,
00:11:16,900 --> 00:11:19,800
I think it's very insensitive.
00:11:20,700 --> 00:11:24,100
Why don't you just tell
people you're a zebra?
00:11:24,100 --> 00:11:27,400
Well, why don't you just tell people
you're one of the seven dwarves?
7
00:11:27,400 --> 00:11:28,600
Because I'm Frodo.
00:11:28,600 --> 00:11:31,900
Yes, well, I'm the Doppler effect.
00:11:32,600 --> 00:11:35,000
- Oh, no.
- What?
10
00:11:35,000 --> 00:11:36,900
That's Penny's ex-boyfriend.
11
00:11:36,900 --> 00:11:38,900
What do you suppose he's doing here?
12
00:11:38,900 --> 00:11:42,500
Besides disrupting the local gravity field.
13
00:11:43,000 --> 00:11:45,900
If he were any bigger, he'd
have moons orbiting him.
14
00:11:45,900 --> 00:11:48,700

Oh, snap.
15
00:11:49,000 --> 00:11:51,200
So, I guess we'll be leaving now.
16
00:11:51,200 --> 00:11:53,100
Why should we leave?
17
00:11:53,100 --> 00:11:57,900
For all we know he crashed the
party and Penny doesn't even want him here.
18
00:11:58,500 --> 00:12:01,000
You have a backup hypothesis?
19
00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:03,500
Maybe they want to be friends.
20
00:12:03,500 --> 00:12:07,400
Or maybe she wants to be friends
and he wants something more.
21
00:12:07,400 --> 00:12:09,600
Then he and I are on equal ground.

22
00:12:09,600 --> 00:12:12,900
Yes, but you're much closer to it than he is.
23
00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:16,600
Look, if this was 1, 500 years ago,
24
00:12:16,600 --> 00:12:18,600
by virtue of his size and strength,
25
00:12:18,600 --> 00:12:21,100
Kurt would be entitled to his choice
of female partners.
26
00:12:21,100 --> 00:12:23,000
And male partners, animal partners,
27
00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:24,400
large primordial eggplants--
28
00:12:24,400 --> 00:12:27,100
pretty much whatever tickled his fancy.
29
00:12:27,500 --> 00:12:30,300
Yes, but our society has
undergone a paradigm shift.
30
00:12:30,300 --> 00:12:32,300
In the Information Age, Sheldon,
31
00:12:32,300 --> 00:12:34,800
you and I are the alpha males.
32
00:12:34,800 --> 00:12:36,600
We shouldn't have to back down.
33
00:12:36,600 --> 00:12:37,500
True.
34
00:12:37,500 --> 00:12:40,700
Why don't you text him that and
see if he backs down?
35
00:12:41,300 --> 00:12:43,000
No.
36
00:12:43,900 --> 00:12:47,200

I'm going to assert my
dominance face-to-face.
37
00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:49,600
Face-to-face? Are you going to
wait for him to sit down,
38
00:12:49,600 --> 00:12:52,400
or are you going to stand on the coffee table?
39
00:12:53,600 --> 00:12:54,700
Hello, Penny.
40
00:12:54,700 --> 00:12:55,600
Hello, Kurt.
41
00:12:55,600 --> 00:12:57,700
Oh, hey, guys, are you having a good time?
42
00:12:57,700 --> 00:12:58,900
Given the reaction to my costume,
43
00:12:58,900 --> 00:13:03,500
this party is a scathing indictment of

the American education system.
44
00:13:03,500 --> 00:13:06,300
What, you're a zebra, right?
45
00:13:06,300 --> 00:13:09,200
Yet another child left behind.
46
00:13:09,500 --> 00:13:11,700
And what are you supposed to be, an elf?
47
00:13:11,700 --> 00:13:13,200
No, I'm a hobbit.
48
00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:14,800
What's the difference?
49
00:13:14,800 --> 00:13:17,700
A hobbit is a mortal halfling
inhabitant of Middle Earth,
50
00:13:17,700 --> 00:13:21,300
whereas an elf is an immortal, tall warrior.

51
00:13:21,300 --> 00:13:24,400
So why the hell would you want to be a hobbit?
52
00:13:24,400 --> 00:13:26,400
Because he's neither tall nor immortal
53
00:13:26,400 --> 00:13:29,000
and none of us could be The Flash.
54
00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:30,600
Well, whatever.
55
00:13:30,600 --> 00:13:32,600
Why don't you go hop off on a quest?
56
00:13:32,600 --> 00:13:34,100
I'm talking to Penny here.
57
00:13:34,100 --> 00:13:36,000
I think we're all talking to Penny here.
58
00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:38,600
I'm not. No offense.

59
00:13:38,600 --> 00:13:40,300
Okay, maybe you didn't hear me.
60
00:13:40,300 --> 00:13:42,500
- Go away.
- All right, Kurt, be nice.
61
00:13:42,500 --> 00:13:45,300
Oh, I am being nice.
62
00:13:45,300 --> 00:13:47,000
Right, little buddy?
63
00:13:47,000 --> 00:13:49,200
- Kurt.
- Okay.
64
00:13:49,600 --> 00:13:53,500
I understand your impulse to try to
physically intimidate me.
65
00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:56,100
I mean, you can't compete with

me on an intellectual level
66
00:13:56,100 --> 00:13:59,000
so you're driven to animalistic puffery.
67
00:13:59,000 --> 00:14:01,500
You calling me a puffy animal?
68
00:14:01,500 --> 00:14:03,500
Of course not. No, he's not.
69
00:14:03,500 --> 00:14:05,800
You're not, right, Leonard?
70
00:14:05,800 --> 00:14:08,500
No, I said "animalistic."
71
00:14:08,500 --> 00:14:10,100
Of course we're all animals,
72
00:14:10,100 --> 00:14:13,600
but some of us have climbed a
little higher on the evolutionary tree.

73
00:14:13,600 --> 00:14:15,900
If he understands that, you're in trouble.
74
00:14:15,900 --> 00:14:18,000
So, what, I'm unevolved?
75
00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:20,200
You're in trouble.
76
00:14:20,200 --> 00:14:23,500
You know, you use a lot of big words
for such a little dwarf.
77
00:14:23,500 --> 00:14:25,200
Okay, Kurt, please.
78
00:14:25,200 --> 00:14:28,300
Penny, it's okay. I can handle this.
79
00:14:28,300 --> 00:14:30,000
I am not a dwarf,
80
00:14:30,000 --> 00:14:31,700

I'm a hobbit.
81
00:14:31,700 --> 00:14:33,000
A hobbit.
82
00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:35,900
Are misfiring neurons in your
hippocampus preventing the conversion
83
00:14:35,900 --> 00:14:39,400
from short-term to long-term memory?
84
00:14:40,800 --> 00:14:44,000
Okay, now you're starting to make me mad.
85
00:14:44,000 --> 00:14:48,300
A homo habilis discovering his
opposable thumbs says what?
86
00:14:48,800 --> 00:14:50,500
What?
87
00:14:54,700 --> 00:14:56,200
I think I've made my point.

88
00:14:56,200 --> 00:14:59,600
Yeah? How about I make a point out of
your pointy little head?
89
00:14:59,600 --> 00:15:02,300
Let me remind you, while my
moral support is absolute,
90
00:15:02,300 --> 00:15:05,500
in a physical confrontation,
I will be less than useless.
91
00:15:05,500 --> 00:15:07,600
There's not going to be a confrontation.
92
00:15:07,600 --> 00:15:11,900
In fact, I doubt if he can even
spell "confrontation."
93
00:15:13,400 --> 00:15:16,700
C- O-N...
94
00:15:16,700 --> 00:15:19,000

frontation!
95
00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:20,900
Kurt, put him down this instant!
96
00:15:20,900 --> 00:15:21,900
He started it!
97
00:15:21,900 --> 00:15:25,100
I don't care. I'm finishing it.Put him down!
98
00:15:25,100 --> 00:15:27,100
Fine.
99
00:15:28,200 --> 00:15:31,100
You're one lucky little leprechaun.
100
00:15:32,200 --> 00:15:34,100
He's a hobbit!
101
00:15:34,100 --> 00:15:36,400
I got your back.
102
00:15:36,800 --> 00:15:37,900
Leonard, are you okay?
103
00:15:37,900 --> 00:15:40,300
Yeah, I'm fine.
104
00:15:42,800 --> 00:15:44,700
It's good, it's a good party, thanks for having us.
105
00:15:44,700 --> 00:15:46,800
It's just getting a little late, so...
106
00:15:46,800 --> 00:15:48,400
Oh, okay.
107
00:15:48,400 --> 00:15:51,100
All right, well, thank you for coming.
108
00:15:53,300 --> 00:15:56,300
Happy Halloween.
109
00:15:58,400 --> 00:15:59,500
If it's any consolation,

110
00:15:59,500 --> 00:16:03,800
I thought that homo habilis line
really put him in his place.
111
00:16:12,200 --> 00:16:13,500
What's that?
112
00:16:13,500 --> 00:16:15,300
Tea.
113
00:16:15,700 --> 00:16:16,800
When people are upset,
114
00:16:16,800 --> 00:16:20,800
the cultural convention is to
bring them hot beverages.
115
00:16:26,500 --> 00:16:29,300
There, there.
116
00:16:31,100 --> 00:16:32,500
You want to talk about it?
117
00:16:32,500 --> 00:16:34,700
- No.
- Good.
118
00:16:35,300 --> 00:16:38,600
"There, there" was really all I had.
119
00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:40,100
Good night, Sheldon.
120
00:16:40,100 --> 00:16:42,100
Good night, Leonard.
121
00:16:48,300 --> 00:16:49,500
Hey, Leonard?
122
00:16:49,500 --> 00:16:50,800
Hi, Penny.
123
00:16:50,800 --> 00:16:52,800
Hey, I just wanted to make
sure you were okay.
124
00:16:52,800 --> 00:16:55,400

I'm fine.
125
00:16:56,100 --> 00:16:58,700
I am so sorry about what happened.
126
00:16:58,700 --> 00:17:00,500
It's not your fault.
127
00:17:00,500 --> 00:17:01,700
Yes, it is.
128
00:17:01,700 --> 00:17:03,100
That's why I broke up with him.
129
00:17:03,100 --> 00:17:06,300
He always does stuff like that.
130
00:17:06,300 --> 00:17:09,600
So why was he at your party?
131
00:17:10,200 --> 00:17:17,400
Well, I ran into him last week and he
was just all apologetic about how he's changed.

132
00:17:17,400 --> 00:17:19,700
And he was just going on and on and...
133
00:17:19,700 --> 00:17:21,400
I believed him and I'm an idiot
134
00:17:21,400 --> 00:17:24,400
because I always believe guys like that.
135
00:17:24,400 --> 00:17:26,800
And I can't go back to my party
because he's there.
136
00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:28,500
And know you don't want to
hear this and I'm upset
137
00:17:28,500 --> 00:17:32,200
and I'm really drunk and I just want to...
138
00:17:40,300 --> 00:17:43,000
There, there.
139
00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:47,400
God, what is wrong with me?
140
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:49,000
Nothing, you're perfect.
141
00:17:49,400 --> 00:17:50,600
I'm not perfect.
142
00:17:50,600 --> 00:17:53,000
Yes, you are.
143
00:17:54,800 --> 00:17:58,300
You really think so, don't you?
144
00:18:10,900 --> 00:18:12,200
Penny?
145
00:18:12,200 --> 00:18:14,300
Yeah?
146
00:18:14,300 --> 00:18:17,800
How much have you had to drink tonight?

147
00:18:19,000 --> 00:18:22,800
Just... a lot.
148
00:18:23,100 --> 00:18:27,200
Are you sure that your being drunk
and your being angry with Kurt
149
00:18:27,200 --> 00:18:31,200
doesn't have something to do
with what's going on here?
150
00:18:31,400 --> 00:18:34,600
It might.
151
00:18:35,800 --> 00:18:37,700
Boy, you're really smart.
152
00:18:37,700 --> 00:18:41,400
Yeah, I'm a frickin' genius.
153
00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:47,000
Leonard, you are so great.
154
00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:50,000
Why can't all guys be like you?
155
00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:51,500
Because if all guys were like me,
156
00:18:51,500 --> 00:18:55,200
the human race couldn't survive.
157
00:18:58,300 --> 00:19:00,100
I should probably go.
158
00:19:00,100 --> 00:19:02,700
Probably.
159
00:19:10,500 --> 00:19:13,000
Thank you.
160
00:19:22,300 --> 00:19:25,700
That's right, you saw what you saw.
161
00:19:26,900 --> 00:19:30,400
That's how we roll in the Shire.

1
00:19:35,900 --> 00:19:37,900
Coming.
00:19:42,300 --> 00:19:45,000
Hey, have you seen Koothrappali?
00:19:45,000 --> 00:19:46,700
He's not here.
00:19:46,700 --> 00:19:50,400
Maybe the Avengers summoned him.
00:19:50,400 --> 00:19:53,600
He's not the Marvel Comics Thor,
he's the original Norse god.
00:19:53,600 --> 00:19:56,100
Thank you for the clarification.
00:19:56,100 --> 00:19:57,400
I'm supposed to give him a ride home.
00:19:57,400 --> 00:19:59,000

Well, I'm sure he'll be fine.
00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:02,400
He has his hammer.
10
00:20:08,400 --> 00:20:12,800
I have to say, you are an amazing man.
11
00:20:12,800 --> 00:20:16,300
You're gentle, and passionate.
12
00:20:16,300 --> 00:20:21,200
And, my God, you are such a good listener.
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
10000
00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:13,000

The Big Bang Theory - 1x07 - The Dumpling Paradox
00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,000
00:00:00,600 --> 00:00:02,800
Watch this, it's really cool.
00:00:03,300 --> 00:00:04,800
Call Leonard Hoffstadder.
00:00:05,600 --> 00:00:08,500
Did you say:
"Call Hellen Boxlightner?
00:00:12,400 --> 00:00:14,800
Call Leonard Hoffstadder.
00:00:15,500 --> 00:00:18,500
Did you say:
"Call Temple Badsaidor?"
00:00:21,000 --> 00:00:22,200
Let me try!
7
00:00:23,500 --> 00:00:24,500
Call...
00:00:28,200 --> 00:00:30,300
Calling "Rajesh Koothrappali."
00:00:37,200 --> 00:00:38,800
That's very impressive.
10
00:00:39,900 --> 00:00:41,300
And a little racist.
11
00:00:42,500 --> 00:00:45,000
If we're all through playing
"mock the flawed technology,"
12
00:00:45,200 --> 00:00:46,500
can we get on with Halo night?
13
00:00:46,700 --> 00:00:48,900
We were supposed to start at
8:00. It is now 8:06.

14
00:00:49,100 --> 00:00:50,800
So we'll start now.
15
00:00:50,900 --> 00:00:53,400
First we have to decide
if those lost six minutes will be coming
16
00:00:53,500 --> 00:00:55,800
out of game time, bathroom time
or the pizza break.
17
00:00:56,000 --> 00:00:57,700
We could split it
two, two and two.
18
00:00:58,000 --> 00:01:01,300
If we're having anchovies on the pizza,
we can't take it out of bathroom time.
19
00:01:02,100 --> 00:01:03,900
Oh, what fresh hell is this?
20
00:01:05,200 --> 00:01:07,400
- Hey, Penny. Come on in.

- Hey, guys.
21
00:01:07,600 --> 00:01:08,900
See a Penny, pick her up,
22
00:01:09,100 --> 00:01:11,400
and all the day
you'll have good luck.
23
00:01:14,300 --> 00:01:15,400
No, you won't.
24
00:01:16,300 --> 00:01:17,800
Can I hide out here for a while?
25
00:01:17,900 --> 00:01:19,300
Sure. What's going on?
26
00:01:19,500 --> 00:01:22,100
There's this girl I know
from back in Nebraska, Christy.
27
00:01:22,200 --> 00:01:24,600
She called me up,

and she's like, "Hey, how's California?"
28
00:01:24,800 --> 00:01:27,000
And I'm like, "Awesome,"
'cause, you know, it's not Nebraska.
29
00:01:27,200 --> 00:01:28,500
And the next thing I know
30
00:01:28,700 --> 00:01:30,700
she's invited herself
out here to stay with me.
31
00:01:30,900 --> 00:01:32,100
8:08.
32
00:01:34,500 --> 00:01:37,100
Anyway, she got here today
and she's just been in my apartment
33
00:01:37,200 --> 00:01:39,400
yakity yakking about every guy
she slept with in Omaha,
34
00:01:39,500 --> 00:01:41,200
which is basically
every guy in Omaha,
35
00:01:41,300 --> 00:01:42,900
and washing the sluttiest
36
00:01:43,100 --> 00:01:45,900
collection of underwear
you have ever seen in my bathroom sink.
37
00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:48,700
Is she doing it one thong at a time,
or does she throw it all in...
38
00:01:49,500 --> 00:01:52,000
...like some sort
of erotic bouillabaisse?
39
00:01:54,000 --> 00:01:56,300
- He really needs to dial it down.
- I know.
40
00:01:58,100 --> 00:02:00,800
So if you don't like this Christy,

why are you letting her stay?
41
00:02:00,900 --> 00:02:02,400
She was engaged to my cousin
42
00:02:02,500 --> 00:02:05,300
while she was sleeping with my brother,
so she's kind of family.
43
00:02:07,300 --> 00:02:09,100
I apologize for my
earlier outburst.
44
00:02:09,300 --> 00:02:11,000
Who needs Halo,
when we can be regaled
45
00:02:11,100 --> 00:02:13,800
with the delightfully folksy
tale of the Whore of Omaha?
46
00:02:16,000 --> 00:02:17,400
I don't think she's a whore.
47
00:02:17,700 --> 00:02:19,400
No, yeah, she's definitely a whore.
48
00:02:19,600 --> 00:02:22,000
I mean, she has
absolutely no standards.
49
00:02:22,100 --> 00:02:23,900
This one time she was at...
50
00:02:24,700 --> 00:02:25,700
Where's Howard?
51
00:02:25,900 --> 00:02:28,700
Bonjour, mademoiselle.
I understand you're new in town.
52
00:02:30,500 --> 00:02:31,700
Oh, good grief.
53
00:02:52,000 --> 00:02:54,400
Season 1 Episode 7:
The Dumpling Paradox
1
00:03:00,700 --> 00:03:04,000
I cannot believe Christy
let Howard into my apartment.
00:03:05,400 --> 00:03:07,300
And I cannot believe people
pay for horoscopes,
00:03:07,400 --> 00:03:08,800
but on a more serious note,
00:03:08,900 --> 00:03:10,800
it's 8:13 and we're
still not playing Halo.
00:03:12,600 --> 00:03:15,100
Fine. We'll just play one-on-one
until he gets back.
00:03:15,300 --> 00:03:19,300
One-on-one? We don't play one-on-one.
We play teams, not one-on-one.
00:03:19,500 --> 00:03:20,600
One-on-one.
8
00:03:21,600 --> 00:03:25,600
The only way we can play teams
at this point is if we cut Raj in half.
00:03:25,900 --> 00:03:27,500
Sure, cut the foreigner in half.
10
00:03:27,700 --> 00:03:30,000
There's a billion more
where he came from.
11
00:03:30,700 --> 00:03:32,300
If you guys need a fourth, I'll play.
12
00:03:32,500 --> 00:03:34,300
- Great idea.
- No.
13
00:03:36,000 --> 00:03:37,900
The wheel was a great idea,
14
00:03:39,100 --> 00:03:40,500
relativity was a great idea.

15
00:03:40,700 --> 00:03:43,100
This is a notion,
and a rather sucky one at that.
16
00:03:44,200 --> 00:03:45,100
Why?
17
00:03:45,200 --> 00:03:46,000
Why?
18
00:03:46,300 --> 00:03:47,600
Oh, Penny, Penny, Penny.
19
00:03:47,800 --> 00:03:49,100
What, what, what?
20
00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:52,900
This is a complex battle simulation
with a steep learning curve.
21
00:03:53,300 --> 00:03:55,500
There are myriad weapons,
vehicles and strategies

22
00:03:55,600 --> 00:03:58,500
to master, not to mention
an extremely intricate backstory.
23
00:03:59,600 --> 00:04:02,200
Oh cool.
Whose head did I just blow off?
24
00:04:03,200 --> 00:04:04,200
Mine.
25
00:04:05,400 --> 00:04:07,900
Okay, I got this.
Lock and load, boys.
26
00:04:09,300 --> 00:04:11,000
It's the only way we can play teams.
27
00:04:11,300 --> 00:04:13,300
Yes, but whoever's her
partner will be hamstrung
28
00:04:13,400 --> 00:04:15,700

by her lack of experience,
and not to mention the fact...
29
00:04:15,900 --> 00:04:17,700
There goes your head again.
30
00:04:19,300 --> 00:04:22,300
It's not good sportsmanship
to shoot somebody who's just re-spawned.
31
00:04:22,400 --> 00:04:24,700
You need to to give them a chance to...
Now, come on!
32
00:04:25,400 --> 00:04:27,400
Raj, Raj!
She's got me cornered. Cover me!
33
00:04:27,700 --> 00:04:29,100
Cover this, suckers!
34
00:04:31,200 --> 00:04:34,400
- Penny, you are on fire!
- Yes, and so is Sheldon.

35
00:04:36,400 --> 00:04:39,200
Okay, that's it.
I don't know how, but she is cheating.
36
00:04:39,300 --> 00:04:42,700
No one can be that attractive
and this skilled at a video game.
37
00:04:43,100 --> 00:04:45,200
Wait, Sheldon, come back.
You forgot something.
38
00:04:45,600 --> 00:04:46,600
What?
39
00:04:46,900 --> 00:04:48,400
This plasma grenade.
40
00:04:51,400 --> 00:04:52,900
Look, it's raining you.
41
00:04:54,700 --> 00:04:57,700
You laugh now-- you just wait
until you need tech support.

42
00:04:59,700 --> 00:05:02,000
Gosh, he's kind of
a sore loser, isn't he?
43
00:05:02,200 --> 00:05:04,700
To be fair, he's also
a rather unpleasant winner.
44
00:05:05,900 --> 00:05:07,500
Well, it's been fun.
45
00:05:08,100 --> 00:05:09,500
We make such a good team.
46
00:05:09,700 --> 00:05:12,400
Maybe we could enter a couple
of Halo tournaments sometime.
47
00:05:13,100 --> 00:05:15,100
Or we could just have a life.
48
00:05:16,700 --> 00:05:18,800
I guess for you that's an option.

49
00:05:19,500 --> 00:05:20,900
- Good night.
- Good night.
50
00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:22,600
As usual, nice talking to you, Raj.
51
00:05:24,700 --> 00:05:26,500
What do you suppose
she meant by that?
52
00:05:27,800 --> 00:05:29,200
She's an enigma, Raj.
53
00:05:30,200 --> 00:05:32,800
And another thing-- there's
a certain ethic to the game, Penny,
54
00:05:32,900 --> 00:05:34,800
- a well- established...
- She's gone.
55
00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:37,600

She could have said good-bye.
56
00:05:38,900 --> 00:05:40,900
Okay, I have a problem.
57
00:05:41,400 --> 00:05:44,300
It's called carpal tunnel syndrome,
and quite frankly you deserve it.
58
00:05:46,400 --> 00:05:47,500
What's wrong?
59
00:05:48,100 --> 00:05:49,500
Howard and Christy are...
60
00:05:49,800 --> 00:05:52,100
kind of hooking up
in my bedroom.
61
00:05:54,300 --> 00:05:55,300
Are you sure?
62
00:05:55,400 --> 00:05:56,800
I grew up on a farm, okay?

63
00:05:56,900 --> 00:05:58,700
From what I heard,
they're either having sex
64
00:05:58,900 --> 00:06:00,700
or Howard's caught
in a milking machine.
65
00:06:03,600 --> 00:06:05,200
Do you mind if I stay here tonight?
66
00:06:05,500 --> 00:06:07,800
No, take the couch, or my bed.
67
00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:10,400
I just got new pillows.
Hypo-allergenic.
68
00:06:11,600 --> 00:06:12,800
The couch is good.
69
00:06:13,100 --> 00:06:15,200
Hold that thought.

Leonard, a moment.
70
00:06:19,500 --> 00:06:21,300
Let me guess.
You have a problem with this.
71
00:06:21,400 --> 00:06:24,000
- Where do I begin?
- It's up to you. Crazy person's choice.
72
00:06:25,400 --> 00:06:27,800
First, we don't have houseguests.
73
00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:30,800
Frankly, if I could afford
the rent, I'd ask you to leave.
74
00:06:31,800 --> 00:06:34,400
Your friendship means
a lot to me as well. What else?
75
00:06:34,900 --> 00:06:35,900
Well...
76
00:06:36,200 --> 00:06:38,900
our earthquake supplies.
We have a two-man, two-day kit.
77
00:06:39,100 --> 00:06:40,000
So?
78
00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:43,400
So if there's an earthquake
and the three of us are trapped here,
79
00:06:43,600 --> 00:06:46,200
we could be out of food
by tomorrow afternoon.
80
00:06:47,200 --> 00:06:49,400
I'm sorry, are you suggesting
that if we let Penny stay
81
00:06:49,500 --> 00:06:51,400
we might succumb to cannibalism?
82
00:06:51,800 --> 00:06:54,300
No one ever thinks it'll
happen until it does.

83
00:06:56,300 --> 00:06:58,600
If you promise not to
chew the flesh off our bones
84
00:06:58,800 --> 00:07:00,600
while we sleep, you can stay.
85
00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:05,000
- What?
- He's engaging in reductio ad absurdum.
86
00:07:06,700 --> 00:07:08,900
It's the logical fallacy
of extending someone's argument
87
00:07:09,000 --> 00:07:11,200
to ridiculous proportions
and then criticizing the result.
88
00:07:11,400 --> 00:07:13,100
And I do not appreciate it.
89
00:07:14,500 --> 00:07:16,600

I'll get you a blanket and a pillow.
90
00:07:17,300 --> 00:07:19,700
Okay, since I'm obviously
being ignored here,
91
00:07:20,400 --> 00:07:22,000
let's go over the morning schedule.
92
00:07:22,100 --> 00:07:24,100
I use the bathroom
from 7:00 to 7:20.
93
00:07:24,500 --> 00:07:26,700
Plan your ablutions and bodily
functions accordingly.
94
00:07:28,500 --> 00:07:30,500
How am I supposed to plan
my bodily functions?
95
00:07:30,800 --> 00:07:33,000
I suggest no liquids after 11:00 p.m.
96
00:07:34,200 --> 00:07:36,300
- Here you go.
- Thanks, Leonard.
97
00:07:38,200 --> 00:07:39,200
Wrong.
98
00:07:42,800 --> 00:07:43,800
I'm listening.
99
00:07:44,100 --> 00:07:45,800
Your head goes on the other end.
100
00:07:46,300 --> 00:07:48,800
- Why?
- It's culturally universal. A bed,
101
00:07:49,100 --> 00:07:50,200
even a temporary bed,
102
00:07:50,400 --> 00:07:53,000
is always oriented with the headboard
away from the door.
103
00:07:53,200 --> 00:07:57,300
It serves the ancient imperative
of protecting oneself against marauders.
104
00:08:01,000 --> 00:08:02,000
I'll risk it.
105
00:08:03,100 --> 00:08:04,400
Anything else should I know?
106
00:08:04,600 --> 00:08:06,300
Yes, if you use my toothbrush,
107
00:08:06,500 --> 00:08:08,100
I'll jump out that window.
108
00:08:10,000 --> 00:08:12,600
Please don't come to my funeral.
Have a good night.
109
00:08:15,400 --> 00:08:16,400
Sorry about that.
110
00:08:16,600 --> 00:08:18,300

- That's okay.
- FYI--
111
00:08:18,500 --> 00:08:22,000
his toothbrush is the red one in
the Plexiglas case under the UV light.
112
00:08:22,600 --> 00:08:23,600
Got it.
113
00:08:24,900 --> 00:08:26,500
- Sleep tight.
- Thanks
114
00:08:30,300 --> 00:08:32,400
Funny expression,
"sleep tight."
115
00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:37,100
It refers to the early
construction of beds
116
00:08:37,300 --> 00:08:39,600
which featured a mattress
suspended on interlocking ropes,

117
00:08:39,700 --> 00:08:41,300
which would occasionally...
118
00:08:41,700 --> 00:08:42,700
Sleep tight.
119
00:09:58,400 --> 00:09:59,600
What are you doing?
120
00:10:03,200 --> 00:10:05,100
Every Saturday
since we've lived in this apartment
121
00:10:05,300 --> 00:10:07,700
I have awakened at 6:15,
poured myself a bowl of cereal,
122
00:10:07,800 --> 00:10:09,600
added a quarter cup
of two percent milk,
123
00:10:09,800 --> 00:10:12,500
sat on this end of this couch,

turned on BBC America,
124
00:10:12,700 --> 00:10:14,200
and watched Doctor Who.
125
00:10:15,300 --> 00:10:16,800
Penny's still sleeping.
126
00:10:18,000 --> 00:10:20,000
Every Saturday
since we've lived in this apartment
127
00:10:20,200 --> 00:10:22,400
I have awakened at 6:15,
poured myself a bowl
128
00:10:22,500 --> 00:10:24,900
I know.
You have a TV in your room.
129
00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:27,000
Why don't you just have
breakfast in bed?
130
00:10:27,200 --> 00:10:30,700
Because I am neither an invalid,
nor a woman celebrating Mother's Day.
131
00:10:32,900 --> 00:10:34,000
What time is it?
132
00:10:34,600 --> 00:10:35,700
Almost 6:30.
133
00:10:36,000 --> 00:10:37,400
I slept all day?
134
00:10:38,700 --> 00:10:40,400
No, it's 6:30 in the morning.
135
00:10:41,400 --> 00:10:43,300
What the hell is your problem?
136
00:10:44,600 --> 00:10:47,300
Okay, this cereal has lost
all its molecular integrity.
137
00:10:47,500 --> 00:10:49,300

I now have a bowl
of shredded wheat paste.
138
00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:52,800
Hola, nerd-migos.
139
00:10:56,600 --> 00:10:58,500
Why do you people hate sleep?
140
00:10:59,700 --> 00:11:01,200
Are you wearing my robe?
141
00:11:03,400 --> 00:11:05,000
Yeah.
Sorry, I'll have it cleaned.
142
00:11:05,100 --> 00:11:06,700
That's okay, keep it.
143
00:11:08,300 --> 00:11:10,500
- Where's Christy?
- In the shower.
144
00:11:10,900 --> 00:11:13,000

By the way, where did you
get that loofah mitt?
145
00:11:13,200 --> 00:11:15,800
Yours reaches places
that mine just won't.
146
00:11:20,400 --> 00:11:21,800
You used my loofah?
147
00:11:22,500 --> 00:11:24,900
More precisely,
weused your loofah.
148
00:11:25,300 --> 00:11:27,200
I exfoliated her brains out.
149
00:11:29,900 --> 00:11:31,500
You can keep that, too.
150
00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:36,300
Then we'll probably need to talk
about your stuffed bear collection.
151
00:11:38,900 --> 00:11:40,100
In here, milady!
152
00:11:42,700 --> 00:11:44,700
Here's my little engine that could.
153
00:11:49,600 --> 00:11:52,300
There's one beloved
children's book I'll never read again.
154
00:11:53,100 --> 00:11:54,800
Hi. Christy.
155
00:11:56,100 --> 00:11:57,500
- I'm Sheldon.
- Right.
156
00:11:57,800 --> 00:11:59,100
You're Howard's entourage.
157
00:12:01,900 --> 00:12:03,500
So, Christy, what are your plans?
158
00:12:04,100 --> 00:12:07,000

Howard said he'd take
me shopping in Beverly Hills.
159
00:12:07,400 --> 00:12:10,200
Yeah, no, I meant plans to find
someplace to live.
160
00:12:10,300 --> 00:12:12,400
Other than with me.
Not that I don't love having you,
161
00:12:12,500 --> 00:12:14,100
but it's...
It's a little crowded.
162
00:12:14,200 --> 00:12:16,200
Penny, you're always
welcome to stay with us.
163
00:12:16,300 --> 00:12:19,100
Oh, terrific.
Now we're running a cute little B & B.
164
00:12:20,500 --> 00:12:22,500
Let me offer a little

outside-the-box thinking here.
165
00:12:22,600 --> 00:12:24,200
Why doesn't Christy stay with me?
166
00:12:24,400 --> 00:12:26,500
- You live with your mother.
- I do not.
167
00:12:26,700 --> 00:12:28,200
My mother lives with me.
168
00:12:29,500 --> 00:12:31,700
Then it's all settled.
Christy will stay with Howard,
169
00:12:31,900 --> 00:12:33,400
Penny can go back to her apartment,
170
00:12:33,600 --> 00:12:35,600
and I'll watch the last 24 minutes
of Doctor Who.
171
00:12:35,900 --> 00:12:38,900

Although at this point,
it's more like Doctor Why Bother?
172
00:12:40,300 --> 00:12:43,600
- Sheldon, you just can't dictate...
- No more talking! Everybody go!
173
00:12:44,800 --> 00:12:48,400
So what do you say?
Want to repair to Casa Wolowitz?
174
00:12:48,500 --> 00:12:50,800
What is that, like a Mexican deli?
175
00:12:51,300 --> 00:12:53,300
I'm sorry,
I should have mentioned this earlier.
176
00:12:53,500 --> 00:12:55,000
My last name is Wolowitz.
177
00:12:56,800 --> 00:12:58,000
That's so cool.
178
00:12:58,400 --> 00:12:59,500
My first Jew.
179
00:13:03,600 --> 00:13:06,800
I imagine there aren't very many
Kosher Cornhuskers.
180
00:13:09,300 --> 00:13:10,900
But you're still taking me shopping?
181
00:13:11,100 --> 00:13:12,100
Anything you want.
182
00:13:12,300 --> 00:13:14,200
Okay, I'll go pack my stuff.
183
00:13:17,100 --> 00:13:20,600
When they perfect human cloning,
I'm going to order 12 of those.
184
00:13:22,900 --> 00:13:24,600
Can't you see she's using you?
185
00:13:24,800 --> 00:13:27,900

Who cares? Last night,
she pulled off her blouse and I wept.
186
00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:31,100
I know her. Okay?
She'll have sex with anyone,
187
00:13:31,300 --> 00:13:33,300
as long as
they keep buying her things.
188
00:13:33,900 --> 00:13:35,300
- Really?
- Yeah.
189
00:13:39,500 --> 00:13:43,600
If you'll excuse me,
I have some Bar Mitzvah bonds to cash.
00:13:50,500 --> 00:13:53,300
I'm sorry, we cannot do this
without Wolowitz.
00:13:53,900 --> 00:13:56,500
We can't order Chinese

food without Wolowitz?
00:13:56,900 --> 00:13:59,500
Let me walk you through it.
Our standard order is:
00:13:59,700 --> 00:14:02,100
the steamed dumpling appetizer,
General Tso's chicken,
00:14:02,200 --> 00:14:04,000
beef with broccoli,
shrimp with lobster sauce
00:14:04,200 --> 00:14:05,700
and vegetable lo mein.
00:14:05,900 --> 00:14:07,500
Do you see the problem?
00:14:09,300 --> 00:14:10,700
I see a problem.
00:14:11,500 --> 00:14:14,900

Our entire order is predicated
on four dumplings and four entrees
10
00:14:15,100 --> 00:14:16,600
divided amongst
four people.
11
00:14:19,800 --> 00:14:22,200
- So, we'll just order three entrees.
- Fine.
12
00:14:22,400 --> 00:14:24,900
What do you want to eliminate?
And who gets the extra dumpling?
13
00:14:25,200 --> 00:14:26,600
We could cut it into thirds.
14
00:14:26,700 --> 00:14:29,000
Then it's no longer a dumpling.
Once you cut it open it is,
15
00:14:29,200 --> 00:14:31,000
at best, a very small open-faced
sandwich.
16
00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:34,000
Hi, fellas.
17
00:14:34,400 --> 00:14:38,000
Where's your annoying little friend
who thinks he speaks Mandarin?
18
00:14:38,900 --> 00:14:41,200
He's putting his needs ahead of
the collective good.
19
00:14:41,400 --> 00:14:43,600
Where he comes from,
that's punishable by death.
20
00:14:44,500 --> 00:14:46,200
I come from Sacramento.
21
00:14:50,800 --> 00:14:53,400
Can we get an order of dumplings
but with three instead of four?
22
00:14:53,600 --> 00:14:54,600

No substitutions.
23
00:14:55,500 --> 00:14:57,700
This isn't a substitution.
It's a reduction.
24
00:14:58,100 --> 00:14:59,600
Okay.
No reductions.
25
00:15:01,200 --> 00:15:03,700
Fine. Bring us three orders
of dumplings.
26
00:15:03,800 --> 00:15:06,100
- That's 12. We'll each have four.
- That works.
27
00:15:06,300 --> 00:15:08,800
If we fill up on dumplings,
we need to eliminate another entree.
28
00:15:09,100 --> 00:15:10,200
No eliminations.
29
00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:14,200
If we have extra,
we'll just take the leftovers home.
30
00:15:14,300 --> 00:15:17,800
And divide it how? I'm telling you,
we cannot do this without Wolowitz.
31
00:15:17,900 --> 00:15:19,600
Wolowitz is with his new girlfriend.
32
00:15:19,800 --> 00:15:22,200
If you had let me invite Penny,
then you would have had your fourth.
33
00:15:22,400 --> 00:15:24,000
Have you seen Penny
eat Chinese food?
34
00:15:24,200 --> 00:15:26,500
She uses a fork and she
double-dips her egg rolls.
35
00:15:27,300 --> 00:15:29,000

- We don't order egg rolls.
- Exactly,
36
00:15:29,100 --> 00:15:30,600
but we'd have to if she was here!
37
00:15:30,800 --> 00:15:32,200
Can we please
make a decision?
38
00:15:32,400 --> 00:15:34,200
Not only are there children
starving in India,
39
00:15:34,400 --> 00:15:36,000
there's an Indian starving right here.
40
00:15:38,300 --> 00:15:41,100
There's an idea. Why don't we
just go out for Indian food?
41
00:15:42,800 --> 00:15:44,000
You're nice boys.
42
00:15:44,300 --> 00:15:45,700
Tell you what I'm going to do.
43
00:15:45,800 --> 00:15:47,700
I'm going to bring you
the four dumplings.
44
00:15:47,900 --> 00:15:50,700
When I'm walking over to the
table, maybe I get bumped,
45
00:15:50,900 --> 00:15:53,700
one of the dumplings fall to the floor.
No one has to know.
46
00:15:55,600 --> 00:15:56,600
I'll know.
47
00:16:02,700 --> 00:16:05,100
- How about soup?
- Yeah, we can always divide soup.
48
00:16:05,300 --> 00:16:06,800
What about the wontons?

49
00:16:13,700 --> 00:16:14,800
Hey, guys, what's up?
50
00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:16,300
It's Halo night.
51
00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:22,000
So?
52
00:16:23,100 --> 00:16:26,100
With Wolowitz spending all of his time
with your friend Christy...
53
00:16:26,300 --> 00:16:29,900
She's not my friend. Friends do not get
their friends' Care Bears all sweaty.
54
00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:34,800
Right. Anyway, uh, with Wolowitz
occupied elsewhere,
55
00:16:35,000 --> 00:16:36,800
we had something
we wanted to ask you.

56
00:16:38,600 --> 00:16:39,600
Yes.
57
00:16:43,800 --> 00:16:45,600
We would very much appreciate it
58
00:16:45,700 --> 00:16:48,100
if you would be the fourth
member of our Halo team.
59
00:16:49,100 --> 00:16:52,700
I don't think I need to tell
you what an honor this is.
60
00:16:55,100 --> 00:16:58,300
That's so sweet, but I'm going out
dancing with a girlfriend.
61
00:16:58,700 --> 00:17:00,800
You can't go out;
it's Halo night.
62
00:17:01,800 --> 00:17:05,100

- Well, for Penny, it's dancing night.
- You go dancing every Wednesday?
63
00:17:05,300 --> 00:17:07,400
- No.
- Then that's not "dancing night."
64
00:17:09,200 --> 00:17:11,000
Why don't I play
with you guys tomorrow?
65
00:17:11,100 --> 00:17:14,200
Tonight is Halo night.
It's like talking to a wall.
66
00:17:15,500 --> 00:17:18,100
All right, now, Sheldon,
you and I are about to have a problem.
67
00:17:21,100 --> 00:17:23,100
Sheldon, remember,
we role-played this.
68
00:17:23,300 --> 00:17:25,800
Yes, but you didn't portray her

as completely irrational.
69
00:17:26,600 --> 00:17:28,700
All right, fellas,
I gotta go.
70
00:17:28,800 --> 00:17:29,900
But good luck.
71
00:17:33,400 --> 00:17:36,900
Maybe we should've asked if we could go
dancing with her and her girlfriend.
72
00:17:37,200 --> 00:17:39,200
Assuming we could dance--
which we can't--
73
00:17:39,400 --> 00:17:41,500
there are three of us
and two of them.
74
00:17:41,700 --> 00:17:42,500
So?
75
00:17:42,700 --> 00:17:45,200
It's the Chinese restaurant
all over again.
76
00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:48,100
I assure you that
cutting a dumpling in thirds
77
00:17:48,300 --> 00:17:50,100
is child's play compared with three men
78
00:17:50,200 --> 00:17:52,500
each attempting to dance
with 67% of a woman.
79
00:17:54,700 --> 00:17:58,000
For God's sakes, Sheldon,
you're driving me crazy!
80
00:17:58,300 --> 00:18:00,600
Your anger is not with me, sir,
but with basic mathematics.
81
00:18:00,800 --> 00:18:02,400
I'm pretty sure my anger is with you.

82
00:18:02,500 --> 00:18:05,200
What's happening to us?
We're falling apart.
83
00:18:07,200 --> 00:18:09,400
- Who are you calling?
- The only man who can restore
84
00:18:09,600 --> 00:18:11,900
any semblance of
balance to our universe.
85
00:18:12,500 --> 00:18:14,000
Hi, this is Howard Wolowitz.
86
00:18:14,200 --> 00:18:15,700
And this is Christy Vanderbelt.
87
00:18:15,900 --> 00:18:19,100
We can't get to the phone
right now because we're having sex!
88
00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:23,800

You're not going to put that
on your message, are you?
89
00:18:24,000 --> 00:18:26,500
Nah, I'm just kidding.
I'll re-record it.
90
00:18:29,900 --> 00:18:32,900
Sheldon, think this through.
You're going to ask Howard to choose
91
00:18:33,000 --> 00:18:34,200
between sex and Halo.
92
00:18:34,500 --> 00:18:38,000
No, I'm going to ask him to choose
between sex and Halo Three.
93
00:18:38,600 --> 00:18:40,600
As far as I know, sex
has not been upgraded
94
00:18:40,800 --> 00:18:43,800
to include Hi-Def graphics
and enhanced weapon systems.

95
00:18:44,100 --> 00:18:47,700
You're right, all sex has is nudity,
orgasms and human contact.
96
00:18:48,400 --> 00:18:49,400
My point.
97
00:18:51,400 --> 00:18:54,400
You can take the damn plastic
off the couch once in a while!
98
00:18:54,500 --> 00:18:56,600
Why, so you and Howard
can hump on it?!
99
00:18:58,500 --> 00:19:00,700
Ladies, ladies,
I'm sure there's a middle ground.
100
00:19:00,900 --> 00:19:02,200
Shut up, Howard!
101
00:19:03,700 --> 00:19:06,600

You guys talk. I'm gonna take
my scooter out for a little spin.
102
00:19:06,800 --> 00:19:09,100
You happy? You drove
your own son out of the house.
103
00:19:09,300 --> 00:19:10,700
Why don't you stop...
104
00:19:10,900 --> 00:19:12,200
What are you doing here?
105
00:19:12,400 --> 00:19:13,800
It's Halo night.
106
00:19:14,400 --> 00:19:15,900
He's not a man, he's a putz!
107
00:19:16,100 --> 00:19:18,500
And don't you take that tone with me,
you gold digger!
108
00:19:18,600 --> 00:19:20,300

- What'd you call me?
- You heard me!
109
00:19:20,500 --> 00:19:23,500
And I'll tell you something else,
you're barking up the wrong tree.
110
00:19:23,700 --> 00:19:26,700
'Cause as long as you're around,
Howard is out of the will!
111
00:19:26,900 --> 00:19:30,200
You know what?
I got better offers. I'm outta here.
112
00:19:30,400 --> 00:19:33,300
That's right.
Go back to Babylon, you whore!
113
00:19:37,300 --> 00:19:38,700
So, Halo night, huh?
114
00:19:41,300 --> 00:19:43,400
I thought she was the whore of Omaha.

115
00:19:49,500 --> 00:19:52,700
Sheldon, you got him in your sights!
Fire! He's charging his plasma rifle!
116
00:19:53,100 --> 00:19:54,600
I can't shoot now. I'm cloaking!
117
00:19:54,900 --> 00:19:56,900
- Raj! Kill Sheldon!
- I can't see him!
118
00:19:57,400 --> 00:19:59,400
That's why they call it
cloaking, dead man!
119
00:19:59,900 --> 00:20:02,300
- Start throwing grenades!
- I'm all out!
120
00:20:03,300 --> 00:20:05,400
Hey, guys.
My friends and I got tired of dancing,
121
00:20:05,600 --> 00:20:07,700

so we came over to
have sex with you.
122
00:20:08,200 --> 00:20:09,600
Raj, hop in the tank!
123
00:20:09,700 --> 00:20:12,300
- We said no tanks!
- There are no rules in hell!
124
00:20:13,400 --> 00:20:15,900
Son of a bitch. Med pack!
I need a med pack!
125
00:20:17,800 --> 00:20:18,800
Told ya.
126
00:20:19,900 --> 00:20:21,700
There's a sniper.
Use your rocket launcher!
127
00:20:21,900 --> 00:20:24,300
All I've got is a Needler
and I'm all out of ammo!

128
00:20:24,400 --> 00:20:26,300
And now you're out of life.
129
00:20:28,600 --> 00:20:29,700
Why'd you hit pause?
130
00:20:30,200 --> 00:20:32,400
I thought I heard... something.
131
00:20:32,700 --> 00:20:33,700
What?
132
00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:35,400
No, never mind.
Sorry. Go.
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
10000
00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:13,000

The Big Bang Theory - 1x08 - The Grasshopper Experiment
00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,000
00:00:08,797 --> 00:00:10,823
Damn you, walletnook.com!
00:00:12,679 --> 00:00:13,605
Problem?
00:00:13,759 --> 00:00:16,026
The online description
was completely misleading.
00:00:16,210 --> 00:00:18,791
They said:
"8 slots plus removable ID".
00:00:19,100 --> 00:00:21,975
To any rational person,
that would mean room for nine cards.
00:00:22,129 --> 00:00:26,065

But they don't tell you the removable ID
takes up one slot. It's a nightmare.
00:00:27,629 --> 00:00:32,030
Do you really need the Honorary Justice
League of American membership card?
00:00:33,378 --> 00:00:36,370
It's been in every wallet I've owned
since I was five.
00:00:37,112 --> 00:00:38,086
Why?
10
00:00:38,501 --> 00:00:41,202
It says,
"Keep this on your person at all times."
11
00:00:42,190 --> 00:00:44,347
It's right here
under Batman's signature.
12
00:00:46,498 --> 00:00:49,702
...and this is Leonard
and Sheldon's apartment.

13
00:00:50,300 --> 00:00:52,619
Guess whose parents
just got broadband.
14
00:00:52,960 --> 00:00:54,967
Leonard, may I present,
live from New Delhi,
15
00:00:55,160 --> 00:00:56,819
Dr. and Mrs. V. M. Koothrappali.
16
00:00:57,091 --> 00:00:59,116
Hi!
Tilt up the camera up!
17
00:00:59,314 --> 00:01:00,885
I'm looking at his crotch.
18
00:01:01,095 --> 00:01:02,214
Sorry, Papa.
19
00:01:02,419 --> 00:01:03,823
Oh, that's much better. Hi.

20
00:01:05,120 --> 00:01:07,107
And over here is Sheldon.
21
00:01:08,711 --> 00:01:09,914
He lives with Leonard.
22
00:01:10,341 --> 00:01:12,960
That's nice.
Like Haroon and Tanvir.
23
00:01:13,183 --> 00:01:14,641
Not like Haroon and Tanvir.
24
00:01:14,933 --> 00:01:16,195
Such sweet young men.
25
00:01:16,462 --> 00:01:19,664
They just adopted the cutest
little Punjabi baby.
26
00:01:20,065 --> 00:01:22,207
No, we're not like
Haroon and Tanvir.

27
00:01:23,247 --> 00:01:25,190
So, are you boys academics
like our son?
28
00:01:25,433 --> 00:01:26,286
Yes.
29
00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:29,099
And your parents are comfortable
with your limited earning potential?
30
00:01:29,274 --> 00:01:30,528
- Oh, yes.
- Not at all.
31
00:01:30,945 --> 00:01:32,381
Papa, please. Don't start.
32
00:01:32,563 --> 00:01:34,770
It was just a question.
He's so sensitive.
33
00:01:34,921 --> 00:01:37,333

That's my life. That's my friends.
Good to see you. Say good-bye.
34
00:01:37,545 --> 00:01:39,513
- Bye.
- Wait! Wait!
35
00:01:41,679 --> 00:01:43,512
Before you go,
we have good news.
36
00:01:43,705 --> 00:01:45,576
Put the computer down
and gather your friends.
37
00:01:50,712 --> 00:01:52,369
- What is it, Papa?
- Friends!
00:01:55,800 --> 00:01:57,500
Is it just me,
or does web chatting
00:01:57,600 --> 00:01:59,700
with your clothes on

seem a little pointless?
00:02:01,900 --> 00:02:03,300
Do you rember Lalita Gupta?
00:02:03,700 --> 00:02:07,400
The little fat girl that used to kick me
in the samosas and call me untouchable?
00:02:07,600 --> 00:02:10,600
Yes. Well, now she's
a dental student at USC,
00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:13,000
so we gave her
your contact information.
00:02:13,600 --> 00:02:14,800
Why did you do that?
00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:17,500
You're 26 years old, Rajesh.
We want grandchildren.
9
00:02:17,700 --> 00:02:21,100
- But, Papa, I'm not supposed...
- Lalita's parents approved the match.
10
00:02:21,800 --> 00:02:24,500
If you decide on a spring wedding,
we can avoid monsoon season.
11
00:02:24,900 --> 00:02:26,200
A spring wedding?!
12
00:02:26,600 --> 00:02:28,600
It's up to you, dear.
We don't want to meddle.
13
00:02:28,700 --> 00:02:30,600
If you don't want to meddle,
then why are you?
14
00:02:30,800 --> 00:02:33,400
If I may, your parents probably
don't consider this meddling.
15
00:02:33,500 --> 00:02:35,500
While arranged marriages

are no longer the norm,
16
00:02:35,600 --> 00:02:37,100
Indian parents continue to have
17
00:02:37,200 --> 00:02:39,600
a greater-than-average involvement
in their children's love lives.
18
00:02:40,000 --> 00:02:42,200
Why are you telling me
about my own culture?
19
00:02:43,300 --> 00:02:44,600
You seemed confused.
20
00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:48,700
Sorry, but with all due respect,
I really don't want to...
21
00:02:48,800 --> 00:02:50,400
I'm sorry, darling.
We have to go.
22
00:02:50,700 --> 00:02:52,000
Doogie Howser is on.
23
00:02:53,300 --> 00:02:55,300
Grandma!
It's Doogie Time!
24
00:02:55,900 --> 00:02:57,200
- Bye-bye!
- Bye-bye!
25
00:03:00,800 --> 00:03:02,100
I don't believe it.
26
00:03:02,300 --> 00:03:03,300
Neither do I.
27
00:03:03,500 --> 00:03:06,100
Doogie Howser's been off
the air for like 20 years.
28
00:03:07,200 --> 00:03:08,500
Actually,
I read somewhere
29
00:03:08,700 --> 00:03:10,800
that it's one of the most
popular programs in India.
30
00:03:11,000 --> 00:03:12,900
It might speak to a cultural aspiration
31
00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:15,100
to have one's children
enter the medical profession.
32
00:03:15,200 --> 00:03:16,300
I bet you're right.
33
00:03:16,500 --> 00:03:18,800
- I bet they loveScrubs.
- What's not to love?
34
00:03:19,000 --> 00:03:20,200
Excuse me! Hello?
35
00:03:20,900 --> 00:03:24,200
My parents are trying to marry me to
a total stranger. What am I going to do?

36
00:03:24,800 --> 00:03:26,300
I suggest you go through with it.
37
00:03:26,500 --> 00:03:27,400
What?!
38
00:03:27,600 --> 00:03:31,800
Romantic love as the basis for marriage
has only existed since the 19th century.
39
00:03:32,100 --> 00:03:34,400
Up until then,
arranged marriages were the norm,
40
00:03:34,500 --> 00:03:36,000
and it served society quite well.
41
00:03:36,300 --> 00:03:38,200
It's the entire premise
of Fiddler on the Roof.
42
00:03:38,300 --> 00:03:40,900
I'm not a big fan of musicals,

but I love that show.
43
00:03:41,300 --> 00:03:43,800
Me too.
Of course, it speaks to me culturally.
44
00:03:44,100 --> 00:03:46,500
Understandable, but there's
a universality to that story
45
00:03:46,700 --> 00:03:48,000
which transcends ethnicity.
46
00:03:48,400 --> 00:03:50,500
Let's not forget it's got
some really catchy tunes.
47
00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:54,300
- I know what I'm going to do.
- What?
48
00:03:54,500 --> 00:03:55,700
Find new friends.
49
00:04:02,000 --> 00:04:03,500
So who wants to rent Fiddler?
50
00:04:03,800 --> 00:04:05,400
No need, we have the special edition.
51
00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:10,200
Maybe we are like Haroon and Tanvir.
52
00:04:31,300 --> 00:04:34,600
Season 1 Episode 8:
The Grasshopper Experiment
00:04:35,500 --> 00:04:37,200
This is Dr. Sheldon Cooper.
00:04:37,500 --> 00:04:40,100
Yeah, I need to cancel
my membership to the planetarium.
00:04:43,400 --> 00:04:44,600
Well, I'm sorry, too,
00:04:44,800 --> 00:04:47,100

but there's just no room
for you in my wallet.
00:04:49,500 --> 00:04:50,500
I understand,
00:04:50,600 --> 00:04:53,200
but it was between you
and the Museum of Natural History,
00:04:53,400 --> 00:04:55,400
and frankly,
you don't have dinosaurs.
00:04:57,600 --> 00:04:59,000
I'll miss you, too. Bye-bye.
00:05:00,900 --> 00:05:04,100
Okay, I know you're texting about me
and I'd really like you to stop.
10
00:05:06,800 --> 00:05:09,200
Oh, dear,
I am rightly and truly screwed.

11
00:05:10,100 --> 00:05:12,000
Hey, I thought you were
finding new friends.
12
00:05:12,200 --> 00:05:13,700
I've got some feelers out.
13
00:05:14,500 --> 00:05:16,300
In the meantime, listen to this.
14
00:05:16,700 --> 00:05:18,900
Hi, Rajesh.
This is Lalita Gupta.
15
00:05:19,300 --> 00:05:22,300
Your mother gave my mother
your phone number to give to me.
16
00:05:22,500 --> 00:05:23,800
So, I'm calling you
17
00:05:24,200 --> 00:05:26,400
and... call me back. Bye.

18
00:05:29,200 --> 00:05:31,200
Can you believe how pushy she is?
19
00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:34,900
So don't call her.
20
00:05:35,200 --> 00:05:37,500
If I don't call her, I won't hear
the end of it from my parents.
21
00:05:37,700 --> 00:05:38,900
- So call her.
- How?
22
00:05:39,100 --> 00:05:40,500
You know I can't talk to women.
23
00:05:41,400 --> 00:05:42,600
I'm done.
Anybody else?
24
00:05:43,800 --> 00:05:45,100
- Give me the phone.
- Why?
25
00:05:45,400 --> 00:05:46,500
Just give it to me.
26
00:05:47,700 --> 00:05:49,800
- Don't worry. You'll thank me.
27
00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:53,200
Hello, Lalita?
Raj Koothrappali here.
28
00:05:56,600 --> 00:05:58,800
Yes, it is good
to talk to you, too.
29
00:06:01,400 --> 00:06:03,100
So what are you wearing?
30
00:06:06,300 --> 00:06:07,600
Oh, not important.
31
00:06:07,900 --> 00:06:10,400
So, anyhow,
when would you like to meet?
32
00:06:11,800 --> 00:06:13,300
Friday works for me!
33
00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:17,100
I'll call you with a time and place.
34
00:06:17,600 --> 00:06:20,200
But in the meantime,
keep it real, babe.
35
00:06:26,900 --> 00:06:28,300
You may now thank me.
36
00:06:29,800 --> 00:06:32,200
For what? Making me sound
like a Simpsons character?
37
00:06:33,400 --> 00:06:34,900
Next time make your own date.
38
00:06:35,100 --> 00:06:37,300
- I didn't want this one!

- Look on the bright side,
39
00:06:37,500 --> 00:06:39,700
she might turn out to be
a nice, beautiful girl.
40
00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:42,300
Great, then we'll get married,
I won't be able to talk to her
41
00:06:42,600 --> 00:06:45,200
and we'll spend the rest
of our lives in total silence.
42
00:06:45,800 --> 00:06:47,400
It worked for my parents.
43
00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:50,200
Hi, guys.
44
00:06:50,500 --> 00:06:51,900
I need some guinea pigs.
45
00:06:52,300 --> 00:06:56,100

There's a lab animal supply company
in Reseda you could try.
46
00:06:56,500 --> 00:06:58,600
But if your research is going
to have human applications,
47
00:06:58,800 --> 00:07:00,300
may I suggest white mice instead?
48
00:07:00,400 --> 00:07:03,000
Their brain chemistry
is far closer to ours.
49
00:07:04,800 --> 00:07:06,200
I swear to God, one day,
50
00:07:06,400 --> 00:07:08,700
I'm going to get the hang
of talking to you.
51
00:07:09,400 --> 00:07:11,400
His mom's been saying that for years.
52
00:07:14,200 --> 00:07:15,100
What's up?
53
00:07:15,400 --> 00:07:17,900
I finally convinced the restaurant
to give me a bartending shift,
54
00:07:18,100 --> 00:07:19,700
so I need to practice mixing drinks.
55
00:07:20,000 --> 00:07:22,300
Great.
The key to acquiring proficiency
56
00:07:22,500 --> 00:07:24,000
in any task is repetition.
57
00:07:24,400 --> 00:07:25,900
With certain obvious exceptions.
58
00:07:27,400 --> 00:07:28,900
Suicide, for example.
59
00:07:31,300 --> 00:07:32,700

So, Leonard, how about it?
60
00:07:34,800 --> 00:07:38,400
We'd love to help you, but Raj
is going through some stuff right now,
61
00:07:38,700 --> 00:07:40,300
besides, he doesn't drink, so...
62
00:07:42,900 --> 00:07:43,900
Really?
63
00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:48,700
Raj is going through
some stuff right now
64
00:07:48,900 --> 00:07:50,800
and he'd like to take up drinking.
65
00:07:53,900 --> 00:07:56,300
Here you go, Leonard.
One Tequila Sunrise.
66
00:07:56,500 --> 00:07:57,500

Thank you.
67
00:07:58,000 --> 00:07:59,600
This drink is a wonderful example
68
00:07:59,800 --> 00:08:01,900
of how liquids with different
specific gravities
69
00:08:02,100 --> 00:08:04,000
interact in a cylindrical container.
70
00:08:06,100 --> 00:08:07,100
Thank you.
71
00:08:08,400 --> 00:08:09,700
Okay, Raj, what'll it be?
72
00:08:12,600 --> 00:08:13,800
Whatever you recommend.
73
00:08:14,100 --> 00:08:16,500
How about a Grasshopper?
I make a mean Grasshopper.

74
00:08:17,400 --> 00:08:18,600
Okay? Good. Coming up.
75
00:08:18,800 --> 00:08:20,500
Sheldon, what are you going to have?
76
00:08:20,600 --> 00:08:22,300
I'll have a Diet Coke.
77
00:08:23,900 --> 00:08:27,100
Can you please order a cocktail?
I need to practice mixing drinks.
78
00:08:27,400 --> 00:08:29,900
Fine.
I'll have a Virgin Cuba Libre.
79
00:08:32,600 --> 00:08:34,900
That's, rum and Coke
without the rum.
80
00:08:35,200 --> 00:08:36,200
Yes.
81
00:08:37,900 --> 00:08:38,900
So... Coke.
82
00:08:39,300 --> 00:08:40,200
Yes.
83
00:08:41,700 --> 00:08:43,200
And would you make it diet?
84
00:08:48,500 --> 00:08:49,800
There's a can in the fridge.
85
00:08:50,600 --> 00:08:54,200
A Cuba Libre traditionally comes
in a tall glass with a lime wedge.
86
00:08:54,800 --> 00:08:56,200
Then swim to Cuba.
87
00:08:58,900 --> 00:09:01,000
Bartenders are supposed
to have people skills.

88
00:09:04,300 --> 00:09:05,600
Raj, here you go.
89
00:09:06,100 --> 00:09:07,400
All right.
Who's next?
90
00:09:07,700 --> 00:09:09,800
I'd like to try
a Slippery Nipple.
91
00:09:14,900 --> 00:09:16,100
Okay, you're cut off.
92
00:09:18,900 --> 00:09:20,000
Anybody need a refill?
93
00:09:20,700 --> 00:09:22,000
Where did my life go, Penny?
94
00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:27,400
One day I'm a carefree bachelor,
and the next I'm married

95
00:09:27,600 --> 00:09:29,600
and driving a minivan
to peewee cricket matches
96
00:09:29,800 --> 00:09:31,400
in suburban New Delhi.
97
00:09:33,900 --> 00:09:35,100
Are you talking to me?
98
00:09:35,600 --> 00:09:37,200
Is the another Penny here?
99
00:09:39,000 --> 00:09:41,400
I had such plans.
I had dreams.
100
00:09:41,700 --> 00:09:45,000
I was going to be the Indira Gandhi
of particle astrophysics.
101
00:09:45,300 --> 00:09:47,100
But with a penis, of course.

102
00:09:49,500 --> 00:09:51,800
- Amazing.
- Ever since I was a little boy,
103
00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:54,100
my father wanted me to be
a gynecologist like him.
104
00:09:55,300 --> 00:09:58,800
How can I be a gynecologist?
I can barely look a woman in the eye!
105
00:10:02,600 --> 00:10:03,600
You know what?
106
00:10:03,800 --> 00:10:06,100
I'm not going to let my parents
control my future any longer.
107
00:10:06,300 --> 00:10:07,800
It's time for a showdown.
108
00:10:08,000 --> 00:10:10,200
Somebody give me a computer

with a webcam!
109
00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:14,200
Sweetie, I think
that's the Grasshopper talking.
110
00:10:14,500 --> 00:10:16,000
And it's about to tell my parents
111
00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:19,500
that I'm not riding an elephant
down the aisle with Lalita Gupta.
112
00:10:19,800 --> 00:10:21,100
Okay, calm down.
113
00:10:21,800 --> 00:10:23,700
No one can make you get married.
114
00:10:24,300 --> 00:10:26,400
Why don't you just meet this girl
and see what happens?
115
00:10:26,600 --> 00:10:29,200

Haven't you been listening to me?
I cannot talk to women.
116
00:10:30,400 --> 00:10:32,500
No, no, let's see
how long it takes him.
117
00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:35,100
Raj, honey,
118
00:10:35,600 --> 00:10:38,900
you say you can't talk to women,
but you've been talking to me.
119
00:10:39,100 --> 00:10:40,600
And now we'll never know.
120
00:10:42,300 --> 00:10:43,300
You're right.
121
00:10:44,900 --> 00:10:46,200
I am talking to you.
122
00:10:47,100 --> 00:10:48,600

Hello, Penny, how are you?
123
00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:52,600
- I'm fine.
- Okay, now I just need
124
00:10:52,800 --> 00:10:55,700
to make sure I have a Lalita
before I meet the Grasshopper.
125
00:10:59,000 --> 00:11:01,400
It's a sweet, green miracle.
126
00:11:02,200 --> 00:11:05,600
If you're going to drink on this date,
just promise me you won't overdo it.
127
00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:07,000
Overdo what?
128
00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:08,500
Happiness?
129
00:11:09,800 --> 00:11:10,800

Freedom?
130
00:11:11,300 --> 00:11:13,100
This warm glow inside of me
131
00:11:13,300 --> 00:11:16,100
that promises everything's
going to be all hunky-dunky?
132
00:11:17,200 --> 00:11:19,700
Yeah, that.
Why don't you bring her to my restaurant
133
00:11:19,900 --> 00:11:22,100
while I'm tending the bar
so I can keep an eye on you.
134
00:11:24,600 --> 00:11:25,900
What's the plan here?
135
00:11:26,100 --> 00:11:28,200
Let's say he meets her,
he likes her, they get married.
136
00:11:28,300 --> 00:11:30,900
What's he going to do,
stay drunk for the rest of his life?
137
00:11:31,100 --> 00:11:32,600
Worked for my parents.
00:11:43,400 --> 00:11:46,800
I can't believe I'm sitting here
next to little Lalita Gupta.
00:11:48,100 --> 00:11:49,300
Well, you are.
00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:51,200
Little Lalita.
00:11:52,100 --> 00:11:53,600
That's kind of fun to say.
00:11:53,900 --> 00:11:56,100
Little Lalita, little
Lalita, little Lalita.
6
00:11:57,300 --> 00:11:58,900
- You should try it.
- Oh, it's okay.
00:12:02,400 --> 00:12:04,000
You have lost so much weight.
00:12:05,400 --> 00:12:08,700
That must have been difficult for you
because you were so, so fat.
00:12:10,600 --> 00:12:11,600
Do you remember?
10
00:12:12,400 --> 00:12:13,500
Yes, I do.
11
00:12:13,700 --> 00:12:16,500
Of course you do.
Who could forget being that fat?
12
00:12:18,500 --> 00:12:19,600
I've been trying.
13
00:12:21,000 --> 00:12:22,600
So you're a dental student.
14
00:12:24,900 --> 00:12:28,100
Are you aware that dentists
have an extremely high suicide rate?
15
00:12:29,300 --> 00:12:31,400
Not as high as, say,
air traffic controllers,
16
00:12:31,500 --> 00:12:33,900
but there are far more dentists
than air traffic controllers,
17
00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:35,800
so in pure numbers,
you're still winning.
18
00:12:36,700 --> 00:12:37,700
Yay, me.
19
00:12:39,500 --> 00:12:42,000
Do you have a drink that will
make him less obnoxious?

20
00:12:42,400 --> 00:12:44,100
Drinks do not work that way.
21
00:12:45,600 --> 00:12:47,200
I'd say he's doing fine.
Look at her.
22
00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:50,800
The last girl my mom set me up with
had a mustache and a vestigial tail.
23
00:12:53,500 --> 00:12:55,100
- Sorry I'm late.
- What happened?
24
00:12:55,500 --> 00:12:57,500
Nothing.
I just really didn't want to come.
25
00:12:59,600 --> 00:13:02,200
Virgin diet Cuba Libre, please.
26
00:13:03,900 --> 00:13:06,200

In a tall glass
with a lime wedge.
27
00:13:07,500 --> 00:13:09,200
Oh, I'll wedge it right in there.
28
00:13:11,700 --> 00:13:13,000
So how's Koothrappali...
29
00:13:13,400 --> 00:13:14,700
Oh, my Lord.
30
00:13:15,000 --> 00:13:17,200
- What?
- That's Princess Panchali.
31
00:13:18,100 --> 00:13:19,700
I'm pretty sure her name's Lalita.
32
00:13:19,900 --> 00:13:23,400
No, no, Princess Panchali,
fromThe Monkey and the Princess.
33
00:13:24,500 --> 00:13:27,800

Oh, yeah. I tried to watch that online,
but they wanted my credit card.
34
00:13:30,100 --> 00:13:31,300
It's a children's story.
35
00:13:31,600 --> 00:13:32,800
Oh, no, it isn't.
36
00:13:36,400 --> 00:13:39,500
When I was a little boy and got sick,
which was most of the time,
37
00:13:39,700 --> 00:13:41,100
my mother would read it to me.
38
00:13:41,300 --> 00:13:44,200
It's about an Indian princess
who befriends a monkey
39
00:13:44,500 --> 00:13:47,600
who was mocked by all the other monkeys
because he was different.
40
00:13:47,800 --> 00:13:50,200
For some reason,
I related to it quite strongly.
41
00:13:51,200 --> 00:13:52,600
I know the reason.
42
00:13:53,800 --> 00:13:55,200
We all know the reason.
43
00:13:57,100 --> 00:13:58,600
Sheldon, what are you getting at?
44
00:13:58,800 --> 00:14:00,800
That woman looks
exactly like the pictures
45
00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:02,600
of Princess Panchali in the book.
46
00:14:03,100 --> 00:14:06,500
How often does one see a beloved
fictional character come to life?
47
00:14:07,000 --> 00:14:08,700
Every year at Comic-Con.
48
00:14:10,100 --> 00:14:11,300
Every day at Disneyland.
49
00:14:11,500 --> 00:14:13,900
You can hire Snow White
to come to your house.
50
00:14:14,200 --> 00:14:16,400
Of course, they prefer it
if you have a kid.
51
00:14:17,700 --> 00:14:19,500
Hey, guys.
This is Lalita Gupta.
52
00:14:19,700 --> 00:14:20,900
Lalita, this is Leonard
53
00:14:21,100 --> 00:14:23,000
and Sheldon
and Howard and Penny.

54
00:14:23,400 --> 00:14:25,400
Isn't it great?
She isn't fat anymore.
55
00:14:26,800 --> 00:14:29,200
"Forgive me, Your Highness,
for I am but a monkey,
56
00:14:29,400 --> 00:14:31,000
"and it is in my nature to climb.
57
00:14:31,200 --> 00:14:32,600
"I did not mean to gaze upon you
58
00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:34,300
as you comb your hair."
59
00:14:36,100 --> 00:14:37,100
I'm sorry?
60
00:14:37,500 --> 00:14:40,500
You are the living embodiment
of the beautiful Princess Panchali.

61
00:14:41,200 --> 00:14:42,500
Oh, no kidding.
62
00:14:43,200 --> 00:14:44,200
Who is that?
63
00:14:44,500 --> 00:14:46,900
A beloved character
from an Indian folktale.
64
00:14:49,000 --> 00:14:51,400
Us Indian or
"Come to our casino" Indian?
65
00:14:53,800 --> 00:14:54,700
You Indian.
66
00:14:55,900 --> 00:14:57,700
The resemblance is remarkable.
67
00:14:58,100 --> 00:14:59,900
I can practically smell
the lotus blossoms

68
00:15:00,100 --> 00:15:01,500
woven into your ebony hair.
69
00:15:01,800 --> 00:15:03,000
Well, thanks.
70
00:15:03,800 --> 00:15:05,700
I imagine you smell very nice, too.
71
00:15:06,400 --> 00:15:09,700
I shower twice a day and wash
my hands as often as I can.
72
00:15:10,600 --> 00:15:12,300
Really? So do I.
73
00:15:12,500 --> 00:15:14,600
But you're a dentist.
He's nuts.
74
00:15:16,600 --> 00:15:18,100
Don't be insulting, Rajesh.
75
00:15:18,800 --> 00:15:19,700
So, Sheldon,
76
00:15:20,300 --> 00:15:22,700
tell me more about this princess
you say I look like.
77
00:15:23,100 --> 00:15:26,800
It was said that the gods
fashioned her eyes out of the stars
78
00:15:27,200 --> 00:15:31,100
and that roses were ashamed to bloom
in the presence of her ruby lips.
79
00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:34,100
- Oh, my.
- Back off, Sheldon.
80
00:15:34,700 --> 00:15:35,500
What?
81
00:15:35,700 --> 00:15:38,600
If you do not stop hitting on my lady,
you'll feel the full extent of my wrath.

82
00:15:40,500 --> 00:15:41,700
I'm not hitting on her.
83
00:15:42,100 --> 00:15:43,500
And I am not your lady.
84
00:15:43,600 --> 00:15:45,300
And you have no wrath.
85
00:15:47,600 --> 00:15:49,700
You are my lady.
Our parents said so.
86
00:15:49,900 --> 00:15:52,400
We are, for all intents
and purposes, 100% hooked up.
87
00:15:52,900 --> 00:15:54,400
Let's get something straight here.
88
00:15:54,600 --> 00:15:57,400
The only reason I came tonight
was to get my parents off my case.

89
00:15:57,600 --> 00:16:00,200
I certainly don't need to be getting
this Old World crap from you.
90
00:16:00,400 --> 00:16:02,000
That's exactly the kind of spirit
91
00:16:02,100 --> 00:16:04,700
with which Princess Panchali
led the monkeys to freedom.
92
00:16:04,900 --> 00:16:07,100
- Screw Princess Panchali.
- You can't talk to me like that.
93
00:16:07,300 --> 00:16:08,800
But you're not Princess Panchali.
94
00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:11,300
Luckily for you--
she could have you beheaded.
95
00:16:12,200 --> 00:16:13,400

Sheldon, are you hungry?
96
00:16:13,600 --> 00:16:15,600
- I could eat.
- Let's go.
97
00:16:19,900 --> 00:16:21,000
What just happened?
98
00:16:21,200 --> 00:16:22,900
Beats the hell out of me.
99
00:16:23,100 --> 00:16:26,300
I'll tell you what happened. I just
learned how to pick up Indian chicks.
100
00:16:29,500 --> 00:16:31,600
What are we supposed to say
to Lalita's parents?
101
00:16:32,000 --> 00:16:34,600
I play golf with her father.
I won't be able to look at him.
102
00:16:34,800 --> 00:16:37,300
Maybe you should keep your eye
on the ball, Papa.
103
00:16:37,900 --> 00:16:39,200
Oh, now you're a funny man.
104
00:16:39,300 --> 00:16:41,200
This is not funny, Mr. Funny Man.
105
00:16:42,200 --> 00:16:43,500
Dr. and Mrs. Koothrappali,
106
00:16:43,700 --> 00:16:46,200
in all fairness,
it wasn't entirely Raj's fault.
107
00:16:46,600 --> 00:16:48,000
This is a family matter, Sheldon.
108
00:16:48,200 --> 00:16:49,200
I'm Leonard.
109
00:16:50,100 --> 00:16:52,000

Sorry.
You all look alike to us.
110
00:16:53,900 --> 00:16:56,000
But he's right, Papa.
Listen to him.
111
00:16:56,700 --> 00:16:59,000
You! You are the one
who ruined everything.
112
00:16:59,400 --> 00:17:00,800
Who is it?
We can't see.
113
00:17:01,100 --> 00:17:02,300
Turn us.
Turn us!
114
00:17:05,700 --> 00:17:08,500
Go ahead, tell my parents
why they won't have any grandchildren.
115
00:17:09,000 --> 00:17:11,500
How would I know?

Do you have a low sperm count?
116
00:17:13,600 --> 00:17:15,700
This has nothing to do
with my sperm count.
117
00:17:15,900 --> 00:17:18,600
You are wearing the boxers
that we sent you, aren't you?
118
00:17:18,800 --> 00:17:20,800
- Yes, Mumi.
- Because you know what happens
119
00:17:20,900 --> 00:17:23,200
to the samosas
when you wear tighty-whities.
120
00:17:24,500 --> 00:17:26,700
Can we please stop talking
about my testicles?
121
00:17:27,200 --> 00:17:28,700
Sheldon, tell them what you did.

122
00:17:29,000 --> 00:17:29,900
What did I do?
123
00:17:30,500 --> 00:17:31,800
You left with his date.
124
00:17:32,300 --> 00:17:34,100
Friends don't do that to each other.
125
00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:37,600
All right, noted.
126
00:17:39,900 --> 00:17:40,900
Sorry.
127
00:17:41,100 --> 00:17:42,800
Sorry?
That's all you can say is sorry?
128
00:17:43,100 --> 00:17:45,300
Take it.
It's more than I've ever gotten.
129
00:17:45,500 --> 00:17:46,500
May I point out,
130
00:17:46,700 --> 00:17:49,700
she wouldn't have asked me to go with
her if you hadn't been drunk and boring.
131
00:17:49,900 --> 00:17:52,200
- Drunk?
- And boring-- her words.
132
00:17:53,300 --> 00:17:56,000
I knew it. He moves to America
and he becomes an alcoholic.
133
00:17:56,300 --> 00:17:57,600
I'm not an alcoholic.
134
00:17:57,900 --> 00:17:59,300
Then why were you drunk?
135
00:17:59,900 --> 00:18:02,700
- It was just this one time, I swear.
- Are you in denial?

136
00:18:02,800 --> 00:18:04,900
Do we have to come over
and do an intervention?
137
00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:07,400
Don't embarrass him
in front of his friends.
138
00:18:07,800 --> 00:18:09,600
All right.
Carry us outside.
139
00:18:09,800 --> 00:18:11,600
We want to talk to you in private.
140
00:18:12,400 --> 00:18:14,000
- But, Papa, please...
- Now, Rajesh!
141
00:18:18,600 --> 00:18:19,700
I have to go.
142
00:18:22,100 --> 00:18:23,200
Now, listen to me...

143
00:18:23,400 --> 00:18:25,300
At least wait till I get into the hall.
144
00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:30,200
Okay, well, good night.
145
00:18:30,900 --> 00:18:31,800
Hold on.
146
00:18:33,000 --> 00:18:34,700
What happened
with you and Lalita?
147
00:18:35,500 --> 00:18:37,500
We ate,
she lectured me
148
00:18:37,700 --> 00:18:39,800
on the link between gum disease
and heart attacks--
149
00:18:39,900 --> 00:18:42,100
nothing I didn't already know--

and I came home.
150
00:18:42,900 --> 00:18:44,500
So you're not going
to see her again?
151
00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:46,700
Why would I see her again?
152
00:18:47,100 --> 00:18:48,700
I already have a dentist.
153
00:18:54,300 --> 00:18:57,800
I wonder who's going to tell his parents
they're not having grandchildren?
154
00:19:19,300 --> 00:19:21,100
I don't believe it.
What's gotten into him?
155
00:19:21,600 --> 00:19:24,100
Oh, maybe a couple
virgin Cuba Libres
156
00:19:24,300 --> 00:19:26,600
that turned out
to be kind of slutty.
157
00:19:28,100 --> 00:19:29,100
You didn't.
158
00:19:29,300 --> 00:19:31,500
You do your experiments.
I do mine.
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
10000
00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:13,000

The Big Bang Theory - 1x09 - The Cooper-Hofstadter Polarization
00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,000
00:00:00,529 --> 00:00:01,279
Ok...
00:00:03,147 --> 00:00:04,875
The X10's are online
00:00:05,262 --> 00:00:11,220
Gentlemen, I am now about to send a
signal from this laptop through our
local ISP
00:00:11,340 --> 00:00:15,373
racing down fibre optic cable at
the speed of light to San Fransisco,
00:00:15,493 --> 00:00:18,546
bouncing off a satellite in
geosynchronous orbit to
Lisbon, Portugal,
6
00:00:18,666 --> 00:00:21,576
where the data packets will be headed
off to submerge transatlantic cables,
00:00:21,606 --> 00:00:23,292
terminating in Halifax,
Nova Scotia
00:00:23,384 --> 00:00:26,697
and transfered across the continent
via microwave relays back to our ISP
00:00:26,817 --> 00:00:30,024
And the extend receiver
attached to this...
10
00:00:31,007 --> 00:00:31,860
Lamp.
11
00:00:34,844 --> 00:00:36,899
Look at me, look at me.
I've got goosebumps.
12
00:00:37,019 --> 00:00:39,804

- Are we ready for the stereo?
- Go for stereo.
13
00:01:01,556 --> 00:01:04,061
- Hey guys.
- Hello.
14
00:01:04,439 --> 00:01:05,763
It's a little loud.
15
00:01:05,888 --> 00:01:07,790
No problem... Turning it down.
16
00:01:08,436 --> 00:01:12,291
San Francisco, Lisbon, Halifax...
... et voil?
17
00:01:13,487 --> 00:01:17,282
- OK, thanks.
- Hang on, hang on. Do you not
realise what we just did?
18
00:01:17,537 --> 00:01:19,671
Yeah, you turned your stereo
down with your laptop.

19
00:01:19,996 --> 00:01:24,561
No, we turned our stereo down, by
sending a signal around the world via
the Internet.
20
00:01:25,887 --> 00:01:28,263
Oh. You know you can get one of those
universal remotes from Radioshack?
21
00:01:28,298 --> 00:01:29,742
They're really cheap.
22
00:01:31,097 --> 00:01:32,772
No, you don't get it. Howard,
23
00:01:32,898 --> 00:01:36,032
- Enable public access.
- Public access enabled.
24
00:01:39,945 --> 00:01:43,071
- Boy, that's terrific. I'll see ya.
- No hang on, hang on...
25
00:01:45,577 --> 00:01:46,462
See?
26
00:01:48,098 --> 00:01:48,731
No.
27
00:01:49,618 --> 00:01:53,431
Someone in Sichuan province,
China, is using his computer
28
00:01:53,556 --> 00:01:55,062
to turn our lights on and off.
29
00:01:56,438 --> 00:01:58,043
Oh, that's handy.
30
00:01:59,405 --> 00:02:01,392
Here's a question... Why?
31
00:02:03,098 --> 00:02:04,963
Because we can.
32
00:02:06,337 --> 00:02:08,653
They found our

remote control cars!
33
00:02:11,166 --> 00:02:14,471
- Wait, what's on top of that?
- Wireless webcams, wave hello!
34
00:02:15,446 --> 00:02:18,203
The monster truck is
out of Austin, Texas,
35
00:02:18,326 --> 00:02:21,893
and the blue Viper is being
operated from suburban Tel Aviv.
36
00:02:24,445 --> 00:02:27,071
- You may want to put on slacks.
- What?
37
00:02:29,808 --> 00:02:32,982
Ew, stop it! No!
Leave me alone!
38
00:02:36,467 --> 00:02:39,150
- Who's running the red Corvette?
- That would be me.

39
00:03:00,300 --> 00:03:02,600
Season 1 Episode 9:
The Cooper-Hofstadter Polarization
00:03:03,200 --> 00:03:06,500
You know in the future,
when we're disembodied brains in jars,
00:03:06,700 --> 00:03:09,400
we're going to look at this
as eight hours well wasted.
00:03:11,300 --> 00:03:14,600
I don't want to be in a jar.
I want my brain in an android body.
00:03:15,900 --> 00:03:17,700
Eight feet tall and ribbed.
00:03:19,000 --> 00:03:20,100
I'm with you.
00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:23,600

I just have to make sure if I'm a
synthetic human I'd still be Jewish.
00:03:25,800 --> 00:03:26,900
I promised my mother.
00:03:29,100 --> 00:03:32,700
I suppose you could have your
android penis circumcised.
00:03:34,700 --> 00:03:37,900
But that's something your rabbi would
have to discuss with the manufacturer.
10
00:03:38,400 --> 00:03:41,200
Not to mention you'd have
to power down on saturdays.
11
00:03:43,300 --> 00:03:45,600
Sheldon, why is this
letter in the trash?
12
00:03:45,700 --> 00:03:47,300
Well, there's always
the possibility that

13
00:03:47,400 --> 00:03:50,300
a trash can spontaneously
formed around the letter
14
00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:53,700
but Occam's rasor would suggest
that someone threw it out.
15
00:03:54,800 --> 00:03:57,900
It's from the Institute of
Experimental Physics, they want us to
16
00:03:58,000 --> 00:04:00,200
present our paper on the
properties of supersolids
17
00:04:00,200 --> 00:04:03,200
at the topical conference of
Bose-Einstein condensates.
18
00:04:03,300 --> 00:04:05,400
I know.
I read it before I threw it out.

19
00:04:07,100 --> 00:04:09,300
Ok, if I may drill down to
the bedrock of my question:
20
00:04:09,500 --> 00:04:10,800
why did you throw it out?
21
00:04:10,900 --> 00:04:14,600
Because I have no interest in standing
in the Rose room of the
Pasadena Marriot,
22
00:04:14,800 --> 00:04:16,900
in front of a group of
judgmental strangers
23
00:04:17,100 --> 00:04:20,500
who wouldn't recognise true genius if it
was standing in front of them giving
a speech.
24
00:04:21,500 --> 00:04:23,000
Which if I were there,
would be.
25
00:04:24,300 --> 00:04:25,500
I don't know Sheldon.
26
00:04:25,500 --> 00:04:28,900
Those topical conferences on
Bose-Einstein condensates' parties
are legendary
27
00:04:29,700 --> 00:04:33,100
- Forget the parties!
- Forget the parties? What a nerd.
28
00:04:35,200 --> 00:04:37,800
Are there any other honours I've
got that I don't know about?
29
00:04:37,900 --> 00:04:40,700
Did the UPS dropped off a
Nobel prize with my name on it?
30
00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:44,100
Leonard, please don't take this the
wrong way, but the day you win a
Nobel prize,
31
00:04:44,100 --> 00:04:48,200
is the day I begin my research on the
drag coefficient of tassles on
flying carpets.
32
00:04:50,500 --> 00:04:53,000
The only thing missing from
that insult was: "your mama".
33
00:04:54,800 --> 00:04:55,800
I got one... Hey Leonard,
34
00:04:55,900 --> 00:04:59,200
- Your mama's research methodology is so flawed...
- Shut up, Howard.
35
00:05:00,500 --> 00:05:02,900
- Sheldon, we have to do this.
- No, we don't.
36
00:05:02,900 --> 00:05:05,300
We have to take a nourishment,
to expel waste,
37
00:05:05,300 --> 00:05:07,900
and inhale enough oxygen to
keep our cells from dying.
38
00:05:08,000 --> 00:05:09,400
Everything else is optional.
39
00:05:10,500 --> 00:05:12,500
Ok, let me put it this way:
I'm doing it.
40
00:05:12,600 --> 00:05:14,800
You can't. I'm the lead author.
41
00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:18,700
Come on, the only reason you're the lead
author is because we
went alphabetically.
42
00:05:18,700 --> 00:05:21,200
I let you think we went
alphabetically to spare you
43
00:05:21,300 --> 00:05:23,700
the humiliation with dealing with

the fact that it was my idea.
44
00:05:23,700 --> 00:05:26,800
Now to put too fine a point to it,
but I was throwing you a bone.
45
00:05:27,700 --> 00:05:28,700
You're welcome.
46
00:05:29,200 --> 00:05:32,600
Excuse me, I designed the experiment
that proved the hypothesis.
47
00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:34,500
That doesn't mean proving.
48
00:05:34,800 --> 00:05:38,200
So the entire scientific community
is just supposed to take your word?
49
00:05:38,200 --> 00:05:40,200
They're not supposed to,
but they should.
50
00:05:41,300 --> 00:05:42,900
Alright, I don't
care what you say.
51
00:05:43,000 --> 00:05:45,300
I'm going to the conference
and I'm presenting our findings
52
00:05:45,300 --> 00:05:47,200
And I forbid it.
53
00:05:48,000 --> 00:05:49,200
You forbid it?
54
00:05:49,300 --> 00:05:51,800
If I'm not taking credit
for our work then nobody is.
55
00:05:51,900 --> 00:05:54,100
- So, you admit that it's our work.
- No.
56
00:05:54,200 --> 00:05:56,300
Once again,
I'm throwing you a bone.

57
00:05:57,100 --> 00:05:58,800
And once again,
you are welcome.
58
00:06:07,900 --> 00:06:11,000
So, how's it going with Sheldon? Are you
guys still not talking to each other?
59
00:06:11,100 --> 00:06:12,700
Not only is he still
not talking to me,
60
00:06:12,800 --> 00:06:16,500
but there's this thing he does where he
stares at you and tries to get your
brain to explode.
61
00:06:18,400 --> 00:06:21,600
You know, like in the classic
sci-fi movie "Scanners"?
62
00:06:22,300 --> 00:06:23,800
Like... . Bzzz.
63
00:06:25,600 --> 00:06:26,800
Nevermind.
64
00:06:27,000 --> 00:06:28,500
How about this one?
65
00:06:29,000 --> 00:06:32,600
It says, I know my physics,
but I'm still a fun guy.
66
00:06:33,200 --> 00:06:36,400
Oh, I didn't know they
still made corduroy suits.
67
00:06:36,400 --> 00:06:38,700
They don't,
that's why I saved this one.
68
00:06:39,500 --> 00:06:42,600
Ok, well,
let's just see what else you have.
69
00:06:43,000 --> 00:06:44,900
Ok, here. Take this.

70
00:06:45,100 --> 00:06:49,000
And this, and this,
and this, and these...
71
00:06:49,100 --> 00:06:50,700
Is this all stuff you
want me to try on?
72
00:06:50,800 --> 00:06:52,600
No, this is stuff I
want you to throw out.
73
00:06:53,700 --> 00:06:57,300
Seriously, don't even give it to
charity, you won't be helping anyone.
74
00:06:58,200 --> 00:06:59,700
What's this?
75
00:07:00,100 --> 00:07:02,600
That's the bottled
city of Kandor.
76
00:07:05,400 --> 00:07:09,400
You see, Kandor was the capital
city of the planet Krypton.
77
00:07:09,600 --> 00:07:12,300
It was miniaturised by Brainiac
before Krypton exploded
78
00:07:12,300 --> 00:07:14,200
and then rescued by Superman.
79
00:07:15,300 --> 00:07:17,300
Oh, nice.
80
00:07:18,500 --> 00:07:21,200
It's a lot cooler when
girls aren't looking at it.
81
00:07:22,200 --> 00:07:25,400
Here, why don't you put these while
I find a shirt and a sport cut match.
82
00:07:25,400 --> 00:07:26,400
Right, be right back.

83
00:07:26,500 --> 00:07:28,200
Where are you going?
Just put them on.
84
00:07:28,300 --> 00:07:29,200
Here?
85
00:07:29,300 --> 00:07:31,100
Oh, are you shy?
86
00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:33,700
- No, I'm not shy.
- Don't worry I won't look.
87
00:07:33,900 --> 00:07:35,600
I know you won't look.
Why would you look?
88
00:07:35,600 --> 00:07:37,100
There's nothing to see...
Well, not 'nothing'...
89
00:07:37,100 --> 00:07:39,600
Sweetie, put the pants on.

90
00:07:41,400 --> 00:07:44,000
So, you know, isn't there maybe
some way you and Sheldon could
91
00:07:44,100 --> 00:07:47,500
- compromise on this whole presentation thing?
- No, No.
92
00:07:47,700 --> 00:07:49,300
Scientists do not compromise.
93
00:07:49,400 --> 00:07:51,500
Our minds are trained
to synthetize facts
94
00:07:51,500 --> 00:07:53,400
and come to
inarguable conclusions.
95
00:07:53,600 --> 00:07:56,600
Not to mention,
Sheldon is back-crap crazy.
96
00:07:59,700 --> 00:08:01,200
What is this?
97
00:08:01,400 --> 00:08:03,300
Oh, careful.
98
00:08:03,800 --> 00:08:07,300
That's my original series
Battlestar Galactica flight suit.
99
00:08:07,700 --> 00:08:10,000
Oh, why didn't you
wear it on Halloween?
100
00:08:10,400 --> 00:08:12,400
Because it's not a costume,
it's a flight suit.
101
00:08:15,700 --> 00:08:17,800
Ok, alright, moving on.
102
00:08:17,900 --> 00:08:20,100
Oh, wow. A paisley shirt.
103
00:08:20,100 --> 00:08:22,800
It goes with my corduroy suit.
104
00:08:23,200 --> 00:08:26,100
If you mean it should end up in
the same place, then I agree.
105
00:08:27,500 --> 00:08:29,600
Is this your only tie?
106
00:08:30,600 --> 00:08:33,500
Technically, yes.
But, if you'll notice...
107
00:08:34,400 --> 00:08:36,200
It's reversible!
108
00:08:38,400 --> 00:08:40,100
So it works as two.
109
00:08:40,100 --> 00:08:43,000
Sweetie, I don't even
think it works as one.
110
00:08:44,900 --> 00:08:46,500
- Is this all your clothes?
- Eh, yeah.
111
00:08:46,500 --> 00:08:48,400
Everything since
the eighth grade.
112
00:08:48,600 --> 00:08:51,400
- The eighth grade?
- My last growth sprout
113
00:08:53,600 --> 00:08:56,600
Ok, well,
let's go back to the curdoroy suit.
114
00:08:56,600 --> 00:08:58,600
- Great.
- Yeah.
115
00:09:00,200 --> 00:09:02,100
I said no. Put it down.
116
00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:10,000
Hey Sheldon.
117
00:09:10,300 --> 00:09:11,500
Hello Penny.
118
00:09:13,000 --> 00:09:15,000
Get anything good?
119
00:09:16,600 --> 00:09:20,100
Just the latest copy of Applied
Particle Physics quarterly.
120
00:09:20,100 --> 00:09:23,400
Oh, you know, that is so weird
that yours came and mine didn't.
121
00:09:29,200 --> 00:09:30,700
It was a joke.
122
00:09:35,000 --> 00:09:36,900
Yep.
123
00:09:37,100 --> 00:09:39,500
Tip you waitresses.
I'm here all week.

124
00:09:40,600 --> 00:09:42,700
Penny, just to save you
from further awkwardness,
125
00:09:42,800 --> 00:09:46,200
know that I'm perfectly comfortable with
the two of us climbing the stairs
in silence.
126
00:09:46,500 --> 00:09:49,000
Oh, yeah ok, me too.
Zip it, lock it.
127
00:09:51,700 --> 00:09:52,900
Put it in your pocket.
128
00:09:57,300 --> 00:09:59,800
- So, you and Leonard...
- Oh dear God...
129
00:10:00,500 --> 00:10:02,100
Little misunderstanding, huh?
130
00:10:02,700 --> 00:10:04,000
A little misunderstanding... ?
131
00:10:04,200 --> 00:10:07,400
Galileo and the Pope had
a little misunderstanding.
132
00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:14,800
Anyway, I was talking to Leonard this
morning and I think he feels really bad
about it.
133
00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:18,600
How do you feel?
134
00:10:19,900 --> 00:10:21,400
I don't understand
the question.
135
00:10:22,800 --> 00:10:26,100
I'm just asking if it's difficult to
be fighting with your best friend.
136
00:10:27,600 --> 00:10:29,400
I haven't thought
about it like that.
137
00:10:29,700 --> 00:10:32,600
I wonder if I've been experiencing
physiological manifestations
138
00:10:32,700 --> 00:10:35,300
of some sort of unconscious
emotional turmoil
139
00:10:36,700 --> 00:10:37,700
Wait, what?
140
00:10:37,900 --> 00:10:39,700
I couldn't poop this morning.
141
00:10:44,200 --> 00:10:47,100
You should just talk to him,
I'm sure you guys can work this out.
142
00:10:47,500 --> 00:10:50,300
- Certainly preferable to my plan.
- Which was?
143
00:10:50,700 --> 00:10:52,100
A powerful laxative.
144
00:10:54,300 --> 00:10:56,500
You absolutely
should talk to him.
145
00:10:56,700 --> 00:10:59,300
Look, I know Leonard values you as
a friend and he told me himself
146
00:10:59,300 --> 00:11:02,800
without your little idea there's no way
he could come up with this whole
experiment thing.
147
00:11:07,100 --> 00:11:08,800
Excuse me. "Little idea"?
148
00:11:09,000 --> 00:11:10,800
Yeah, I mean he tried
to explain it to me,
149
00:11:10,900 --> 00:11:12,700
- I didn't really understand it but...

- Of course you didn't.
150
00:11:12,700 --> 00:11:14,300
He said: "Little idea"?
151
00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:17,500
Oh, well, no... Not...
152
00:11:17,700 --> 00:11:20,000
- Not in those words.
- In what words then, exactly?
153
00:11:20,500 --> 00:11:23,500
Oh, you know... Gee. The exact words
are... It's more the spirit in which
he said...
154
00:11:23,600 --> 00:11:26,000
- What did he say?
- You had a lucky hunch
155
00:11:27,800 --> 00:11:30,100
Hey, Sheldon, I've been thinking,
instead of arguing about this...

156
00:11:30,100 --> 00:11:32,100
Don't you ever
speak to me again.
157
00:11:34,700 --> 00:11:35,700
What... ?
158
00:11:48,800 --> 00:11:50,900
Ok, I'm leaving
for the conference.
159
00:11:51,200 --> 00:11:53,600
Have fun presenting
my "lucky hunch"
160
00:11:53,700 --> 00:11:55,400
Shel, I didn't
mean it like that.
161
00:11:55,500 --> 00:11:57,300
- Then why did you say it?
- I don't know, I wasn't...
162
00:11:57,300 --> 00:12:01,100

- Were you trying to impress Penny?
- No, no, not at all. A little bit.
163
00:12:02,300 --> 00:12:04,100
How did that work out for you?
164
00:12:04,400 --> 00:12:07,900
- Leonard, ready to go?
- Libido: 1 Truth: 0.
165
00:12:10,800 --> 00:12:12,100
Ok, I'm gonna ask
you one more time.
166
00:12:12,200 --> 00:12:14,700
We did the work together,
let's present the paper together.
167
00:12:14,800 --> 00:12:16,600
And I'm telling you
for the last time,
168
00:12:16,700 --> 00:12:19,600
it's pandering,
it's undignifying, and bite me.

169
00:12:22,000 --> 00:12:23,000
Let's go.
170
00:12:23,200 --> 00:12:25,100
- Bye Sheldon.
- Goodbye Penny.
171
00:12:36,300 --> 00:12:37,900
One of these days... bshh!
172
00:12:41,400 --> 00:12:42,400
There you go.
173
00:12:42,700 --> 00:12:44,300
You're right this side
does look better.
174
00:12:44,500 --> 00:12:47,200
No, no, I didn't say better,
I said "less stained".
175
00:12:49,400 --> 00:12:52,200
I just checked the house.

There's probably 20-25 people in there.
176
00:12:52,400 --> 00:12:53,900
- You're kidding!
- Is that all?
177
00:12:54,000 --> 00:12:57,400
"All? " In particle
physics 25 is Woodstock!
178
00:13:00,700 --> 00:13:02,800
- Then good!
- I wasn't expecting such a crowd,
179
00:13:02,900 --> 00:13:03,900
I'm all nervous.
180
00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:06,200
It's ok, just open with a joke,
you'll be fine.
181
00:13:06,500 --> 00:13:08,400
A joke... Ok.
182
00:13:09,800 --> 00:13:11,300
How about this? Um, ok...
183
00:13:11,400 --> 00:13:12,900
There's this farmer
184
00:13:13,100 --> 00:13:16,900
and he has these chickens but
they won't lay any eggs, so...
185
00:13:17,200 --> 00:13:19,000
He calls a physicist to help.
186
00:13:19,300 --> 00:13:22,000
The physicist then does
some calculations,
187
00:13:22,200 --> 00:13:25,600
and he says:
"I have a solution,
188
00:13:25,900 --> 00:13:30,200
but it only works for spherical
chickens in a vacuum".
189
00:13:32,700 --> 00:13:33,700
Right?
190
00:13:38,600 --> 00:13:40,700
Oh, sorry,
I just had heard it before.
191
00:13:41,400 --> 00:13:44,400
- Let's roll. Hey, nice suit.
- It's a classic, right?
192
00:13:45,900 --> 00:13:48,300
I really should have
brought my own car.
00:13:51,300 --> 00:13:52,900
So, in conclusion,
00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:55,800
the data show that at temperatures
approaching absolute zero,
00:13:55,900 --> 00:13:59,400
the moment of inertia changes,

and a solid becomes a supersolid,
00:13:59,500 --> 00:14:03,600
which clearly appears to be a
previously unknown state of matter.
00:14:06,500 --> 00:14:07,600
Thank you!
00:14:12,700 --> 00:14:14,800
- Are there any questions?
- Yeah.
00:14:15,000 --> 00:14:16,800
What the hell was that?
00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:20,500
Any other questions?
00:14:21,100 --> 00:14:25,600
Doctor Sheldon Cooper here, I am the
lead author of this particular paper.
10
00:14:27,300 --> 00:14:28,400

Thank you.
11
00:14:30,400 --> 00:14:34,800
And you sir, you have completely skipped
over the part where I was walking
through the park
12
00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:38,200
and I saw these children on a
merry-go-round which started me thinking
13
00:14:38,300 --> 00:14:41,100
about the moment of inertia
in gases like helium
14
00:14:41,200 --> 00:14:43,100
at temperatures
approaching absolute zero.
15
00:14:43,300 --> 00:14:46,100
I didn't skip it.
It's just an anecdote, it's not science.
16
00:14:46,200 --> 00:14:49,200
Oh, I see. It was the apple

falling on Newton's head,
17
00:14:49,300 --> 00:14:51,900
- was that just an anecdote?
- You are not Isaac Newton.
18
00:14:52,000 --> 00:14:55,300
No, no, that's true. Gravity would have
been apparent to me without the apple.
19
00:14:56,100 --> 00:14:57,800
You cannot possibly
be that arrogant.
20
00:14:57,900 --> 00:15:00,300
You continue to underestimate me,
my good man.
21
00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:04,700
Look, if you weren't happy with my
presentation then maybe you should have
given it with me!
22
00:15:04,800 --> 00:15:06,800
As I have explained repeatedly,

unlike you,
23
00:15:06,800 --> 00:15:09,200
I don't need validation
from lesser minds.
24
00:15:09,300 --> 00:15:10,100
No offense.
25
00:15:10,700 --> 00:15:11,900
Really, so why did you come?
26
00:15:11,900 --> 00:15:13,300
Because I knew
you'd screw this up.
27
00:15:13,300 --> 00:15:14,700
I didn't screw it up!
28
00:15:14,700 --> 00:15:17,100
Oh, please.
I admit that spherical chicken joke,
29
00:15:17,100 --> 00:15:18,100

- that was hilarious.
- Thank you.
30
00:15:18,200 --> 00:15:20,100
But it was straight
downhill from there.
31
00:15:20,300 --> 00:15:22,400
I've had enough of
your condescendship.
32
00:15:22,500 --> 00:15:25,400
Maybe I didn't go to college
when I was 11 like you.
33
00:15:25,400 --> 00:15:28,900
Maybe I got my doctorate
at 24 instead of 16
34
00:15:28,900 --> 00:15:30,600
but you are not the only
person who is smarter than
35
00:15:30,700 --> 00:15:32,100
everyone else in this room!

36
00:15:33,400 --> 00:15:34,000
No offense.
37
00:15:36,100 --> 00:15:37,900
And I am clearly
not the only person
38
00:15:37,900 --> 00:15:39,700
who is tormented by insecurity
39
00:15:39,700 --> 00:15:41,800
and has an ego in need
of constant validation!
40
00:15:41,900 --> 00:15:43,500
So you admit you're an egotist?
41
00:15:43,800 --> 00:15:44,500
Yes!
42
00:15:46,000 --> 00:15:48,900
My name is doctor Leonard Hofstadter
and I can never please my parents so

43
00:15:48,900 --> 00:15:51,300
I need all my self esteem
from strangers like you!
44
00:15:51,400 --> 00:15:52,400
But he's worse!
45
00:15:53,000 --> 00:15:54,300
Ok, that's it!
46
00:15:54,700 --> 00:15:55,300
Stop it!
47
00:15:58,000 --> 00:16:00,600
You cannot blow up my
head with your mind!
48
00:16:00,800 --> 00:16:02,500
Then I'll settle
for your aneurism!
49
00:16:03,100 --> 00:16:04,700
- Stop it!
- You hit me!
50
00:16:04,800 --> 00:16:05,900
You saw that he hit me!
51
00:16:06,100 --> 00:16:07,600
You tried to blow up my head!
52
00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:08,500
So it was working!
53
00:16:08,500 --> 00:16:10,900
It wa... It was not!
You're a nutcase!
54
00:16:10,900 --> 00:16:11,900
We'll see about that!
55
00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:13,300
Heads up,
you people in the front row!
56
00:16:13,400 --> 00:16:14,600
This is a splash zone!

57
00:16:15,800 --> 00:16:16,400
Stop it!
58
00:16:16,900 --> 00:16:17,400
Just quit it!
59
00:16:23,600 --> 00:16:25,800
Is this usually how
these physics things go?
60
00:16:26,200 --> 00:16:27,500
More often than you think.
61
00:16:44,100 --> 00:16:45,900
You could have offered
me a ride home.
62
00:16:47,800 --> 00:16:49,500
You're lucky I
didn't run you over.
63
00:16:50,700 --> 00:16:52,500
I really don't understand

what you're so unhappy about.
64
00:16:52,600 --> 00:16:54,200
You begged me to come, I came.
65
00:16:54,200 --> 00:16:55,400
There's just no pleasing you.
66
00:16:56,400 --> 00:16:59,000
You're right, I'm the problem,
I'm the one that needs help.
67
00:16:59,500 --> 00:17:01,600
Well, that's not much of an
apology but I'll take it.
68
00:17:02,800 --> 00:17:04,000
Excuse me,
69
00:17:04,600 --> 00:17:06,800
is there anything you
would apologise for?
70
00:17:08,400 --> 00:17:09,100

Yes.
71
00:17:10,200 --> 00:17:12,400
I'm sorry I tried to
blow up your head.
72
00:17:14,300 --> 00:17:15,400
It was uncalled for.
73
00:17:16,900 --> 00:17:17,900
You won't believe this.
74
00:17:17,900 --> 00:17:20,800
Somebody got the whole thing with
their cell phone and put it on YouTube!
75
00:17:21,900 --> 00:17:22,500
What?
76
00:17:24,200 --> 00:17:26,500
- Who would do that?
- That would be me.
77
00:17:28,300 --> 00:17:30,000

Hey, check it out,
it's a featured video!
78
00:17:30,100 --> 00:17:32,000
He hit me!
You saw that he hit me!
79
00:17:33,100 --> 00:17:36,100
- Then it was working!
- It was not working! You're a nutcase!
80
00:17:36,100 --> 00:17:37,100
We will see about that!
81
00:17:37,100 --> 00:17:38,400
You people in the
front row heads up!
82
00:17:38,400 --> 00:17:39,700
This is splash zone
83
00:17:41,300 --> 00:17:43,900
Stop it! Leave it, leave it!
84
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:48,900
You want a volcano nerve pinch!
85
00:17:50,600 --> 00:17:53,000
You should clip your fingernails!
Those hurt!
86
00:17:54,600 --> 00:17:57,700
Oh, Jeez.
does this suit really look that bad?
87
00:17:58,800 --> 00:18:00,700
Forget your suit,
look at my arms waving.
88
00:18:00,700 --> 00:18:02,300
I'm like a flamingo on Ritalin.
89
00:18:05,400 --> 00:18:06,100
Howard,
90
00:18:06,400 --> 00:18:08,800
would you like to explain to
me why your Facebook page

91
00:18:08,800 --> 00:18:11,100
has a picture of me sleeping
on your shoulder captioned
92
00:18:11,100 --> 00:18:12,500
"me and my girlfriend"?
93
00:18:14,900 --> 00:18:16,900
Uh oh, here comes the talk.
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
10000
00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:13,000

The Big Bang Theory - 1x10 - The Loobenfeld Decay
00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,000
00:00:01,200 --> 00:00:05,100
No, see, the liquid metal Terminators
were created in the future by Skynet,
00:00:05,100 --> 00:00:07,100
and Skynet was developed by Miles Dyson,
00:00:07,200 --> 00:00:11,100
but that future no longer exists
due to Dyson's death in Terminator 2.
00:00:11,500 --> 00:00:13,700
Okay, then riddle me this:
00:00:14,300 --> 00:00:18,700
Assuming all the good Terminators were
originally evil Terminators created by Skynet
00:00:18,700 --> 00:00:21,100

but then reprogrammed by
the future John Connor,
00:00:21,100 --> 00:00:23,900
why would Skynet,
an artificial computer intelligence,
00:00:23,900 --> 00:00:27,900
bother to create a petite, hot,
17-year-old killer robot?
00:00:30,200 --> 00:00:31,700
Skynet is kinky?
10
00:00:31,700 --> 00:00:33,100
I don't know...
11
00:00:33,300 --> 00:00:36,400
Artificial intelligences
do not have teen fetishes.
12
00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:38,200
Allright. Wait! They use it to...
13
00:00:38,200 --> 00:00:40,400
Too late. I win.
14
00:00:55,700 --> 00:00:57,900
What the hell is that?
15
00:00:58,600 --> 00:01:01,500
I don't know,
but if cats could sing...
16
00:01:02,000 --> 00:01:04,000
they'd hate it, too.
17
00:01:12,600 --> 00:01:14,300
Hey, guys!
18
00:01:15,500 --> 00:01:16,500
- Hi! Where you going?
19
00:01:16,500 --> 00:01:17,300
- What?
20
00:01:17,300 --> 00:01:20,700
We just had to mail

some letters...
21
00:01:20,700 --> 00:01:21,500
and...
22
00:01:22,200 --> 00:01:24,000
throw away some chicken.
23
00:01:41,400 --> 00:01:43,000
You'll never guess
what just happened.
24
00:01:43,000 --> 00:01:44,000
I give up.
25
00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:45,000
I don't guess.
26
00:01:45,000 --> 00:01:49,000
As a scientist, I reach conclusions based
on observation and experimentation.
27
00:01:49,400 --> 00:01:50,600
Although as I'm saying this,

28
00:01:50,600 --> 00:01:55,100
it occurs to me you may have been employing
a rhetorical device rendering my response moot.
29
00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:57,200
- What was that?
30
00:01:57,200 --> 00:01:59,300
- Believe it or not, personal growth.
31
00:01:59,700 --> 00:02:00,700
What happened?
32
00:02:00,700 --> 00:02:03,200
Allright, remember when I auditioned
for that workshop production of Rent,
33
00:02:03,200 --> 00:02:05,000
but I didn't get it
and I couldn't figure out why.
34
00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:07,000
I have a conclusion
based on an observation.
35
00:02:07,000 --> 00:02:08,100
No, you don't.
36
00:02:08,200 --> 00:02:09,400
No, he doesn't.
37
00:02:10,300 --> 00:02:11,900
Well, the girl they picked to play Mimi...
38
00:02:11,900 --> 00:02:13,800
she dropped out,
and they asked me to replace her.
39
00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:14,900
Congratulations.
40
00:02:14,900 --> 00:02:15,900
What a lucky break.
41
00:02:16,000 --> 00:02:17,900
It's not a big deal,
just a one-night showcase,

42
00:02:17,900 --> 00:02:20,100
but they invite a lot of casting people and agents.
43
00:02:20,100 --> 00:02:21,000
So, you never know.
44
00:02:21,000 --> 00:02:21,800
- I think I know.
45
00:02:21,800 --> 00:02:23,200
- No, you don't.
46
00:02:23,900 --> 00:02:25,200
He doesn't.
47
00:02:25,400 --> 00:02:26,400
It's this Friday at 8:00.
48
00:02:26,400 --> 00:02:27,300
Do you guys want to come?
49
00:02:27,300 --> 00:02:28,500

No!
50
00:02:30,300 --> 00:02:31,400
Because...
51
00:02:32,400 --> 00:02:36,900
Friday we are attending a symposium
on molecular positronium.
52
00:02:36,900 --> 00:02:38,700
I think that's a week from Tuesday,
at 6:00.
53
00:02:38,700 --> 00:02:40,500
No, it's this Friday.
54
00:02:40,500 --> 00:02:42,300
At 8:00.
55
00:02:42,800 --> 00:02:43,700
Oh, too bad.
56
00:02:43,700 --> 00:02:44,800
I gotta get to rehearsal.

57
00:02:44,800 --> 00:02:45,800
- See you guys.
- See ya.
58
00:02:51,800 --> 00:02:53,100
You just lied to Penny.
59
00:02:53,100 --> 00:02:54,000
- Yes, I did.
60
00:02:54,000 --> 00:02:58,400
- And you did it so casually--
no rapid breathing, no increase in perspiration...
61
00:02:58,700 --> 00:02:59,400
So?
62
00:02:59,400 --> 00:03:02,000
So, lack of a physiological
response while lying
63
00:03:02,000 --> 00:03:04,700
is characteristic
of a violent sociopath.
64
00:03:05,200 --> 00:03:07,400
Sheldon, are you worried
about your safety?
65
00:03:07,400 --> 00:03:09,500
No, I imagine if you
were going to kill me,
66
00:03:09,500 --> 00:03:11,200
you'd have done it
a long time ago.
67
00:03:12,100 --> 00:03:13,600
That's very true.
68
00:03:53,600 --> 00:03:56,000
Season 1 Episode 10:
The Loobenfeld Decay
69
00:03:59,500 --> 00:04:02,000
Leonard?
70
00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:04,400
What?
71
00:04:06,300 --> 00:04:08,100
I need to speak to you.
72
00:04:08,400 --> 00:04:09,800
- It's 2:00 in the morning!
73
00:04:09,800 --> 00:04:10,900
- It's important.
74
00:04:10,900 --> 00:04:13,300
I highly doubt that.
75
00:04:13,900 --> 00:04:15,300
Go away!
76
00:04:19,300 --> 00:04:21,200
Are you still out there?
77
00:04:22,100 --> 00:04:23,600
Yes.
78
00:04:25,500 --> 00:04:26,800
What?
79
00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:30,100
You're right;
it can wait until morning.
80
00:04:32,600 --> 00:04:33,800
- What, what, what, what, WHAT?
81
00:04:33,800 --> 00:04:35,000
- Never mind.
82
00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:37,400
I clearly woke you up
in the middle of a REM cycle.
83
00:04:37,400 --> 00:04:39,200
You're in no state of mind to talk.
84
00:04:39,200 --> 00:04:41,000
Sheldon, what is it?
85
00:04:42,500 --> 00:04:46,200
I'm uncomfortable having been
included in your lie to Penny.
86
00:04:46,200 --> 00:04:48,000
What was I supposed to say?
87
00:04:48,000 --> 00:04:49,500
- You could have told her the truth.
88
00:04:49,500 --> 00:04:51,500
- That would have hurt her feelings.
89
00:04:52,100 --> 00:04:54,100
Is that a relevant factor?
90
00:04:54,600 --> 00:04:56,000
Yes!
91
00:04:56,000 --> 00:04:58,200
Then I suppose
you could've agreed to go.
92
00:04:58,200 --> 00:05:00,700

And what would I have said afterwards?
93
00:05:00,700 --> 00:05:03,000
I would suggest something
to the effect of:
94
00:05:03,000 --> 00:05:06,600
singing isneither an appropriate
vocation nor avocation for you,
95
00:05:06,700 --> 00:05:10,200
and if you disagree, I'd recommend you
have a CAT scan to look for a tumor
96
00:05:10,200 --> 00:05:13,200
pressing on the cognitive
processing centers of your brain.
97
00:05:14,900 --> 00:05:16,900
I couldn't say that.
I would have to say,
98
00:05:16,900 --> 00:05:20,600
"You were terrific and I can't wait
to hear you sing again."

99
00:05:21,100 --> 00:05:22,400
Why?
100
00:05:22,900 --> 00:05:25,000
It's the social protocol.
101
00:05:25,000 --> 00:05:29,100
It's what you do when you have a friend
who's proud of something they really suck at.
102
00:05:30,500 --> 00:05:32,100
I was not aware of that.
103
00:05:32,200 --> 00:05:33,300
Well, now you are.
104
00:05:33,300 --> 00:05:34,800
Oh! All right.
105
00:05:34,800 --> 00:05:35,700
Leonard?
106
00:05:35,700 --> 00:05:36,500
Yes?
107
00:05:36,500 --> 00:05:38,700
When we played chess earlier,
you were terrific,
108
00:05:38,800 --> 00:05:40,700
and I can't wait to play you again.
109
00:05:40,700 --> 00:05:42,000
Good night.
110
00:05:46,200 --> 00:05:47,500
Leonard?
111
00:05:51,100 --> 00:05:54,800
This would be so much easier
if I were a violent sociopath.
112
00:05:57,800 --> 00:05:58,900
What?
113
00:05:58,900 --> 00:06:00,600

I was analyzing our lie,
114
00:06:00,600 --> 00:06:03,600
and I believe we're in danger
of Penny seeing through the ruse.
115
00:06:03,700 --> 00:06:05,100
How?
116
00:06:05,100 --> 00:06:11,400
Simple: If she were to log onto
"www.socalphysixs-group.org/activities/other"
117
00:06:11,400 --> 00:06:13,600
click on "Upcoming Events,"
scroll down to "Seminars,"
118
00:06:13,600 --> 00:06:15,000
download the PDF schedule,
119
00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:17,200
and look for the seminar
on molecular positronium,
120
00:06:17,200 --> 00:06:18,900
well then. Bippity, boppity, boo--
121
00:06:18,900 --> 00:06:21,000
our pants are metaphorically on fire.
122
00:06:26,500 --> 00:06:29,300
Well, sir, my trousers
will not be igniting today.
123
00:06:32,300 --> 00:06:34,100
Penny?
124
00:06:37,400 --> 00:06:38,500
Good morning!
125
00:06:38,500 --> 00:06:40,500
Do you have any idea
what time it is?
126
00:06:40,500 --> 00:06:41,500
Of course I do.
127
00:06:41,500 --> 00:06:44,600

My watch is linked to the atomic clock
in Boulder, Colorado.
128
00:06:45,400 --> 00:06:47,300
It's accurate to one tenth of a second.
129
00:06:47,900 --> 00:06:50,100
But as I'm saying this, it occurs to me
130
00:06:50,100 --> 00:06:52,500
that, once again, your question
may have been rhetorical.
131
00:06:53,300 --> 00:06:54,400
What do you want?
132
00:06:54,400 --> 00:06:57,000
Remember how Leonard told you
we couldn't come to your performance
133
00:06:57,000 --> 00:07:00,500
because we were attending a symposium
on molecular positronium?
134
00:07:02,400 --> 00:07:05,100
I remember "symposium."
135
00:07:05,900 --> 00:07:06,900
Yes. Well...
136
00:07:07,200 --> 00:07:08,700
He lied.
137
00:07:08,700 --> 00:07:10,600
Wait.
What?
138
00:07:10,600 --> 00:07:14,200
He lied, and I'm feeling
very uncomfortable about it.
139
00:07:14,200 --> 00:07:16,200
Well, imagine how I'm feeling.
140
00:07:17,500 --> 00:07:19,000
Hungry?
141
00:07:20,400 --> 00:07:21,800

Tired?
142
00:07:22,300 --> 00:07:24,500
I'm sorry,
this really isn't my strong suit.
143
00:07:25,800 --> 00:07:27,300
You told her I lied?
144
00:07:27,300 --> 00:07:29,100
Why would you tell her I lied?
145
00:07:29,600 --> 00:07:31,100
To help you.
146
00:07:32,500 --> 00:07:34,300
I'm sorry,
I'm not seeing the help.
147
00:07:34,300 --> 00:07:36,600
She was going to see through
your lie eventually,
148
00:07:36,600 --> 00:07:39,300

so I told her that you
were lying to protect me.
149
00:07:40,800 --> 00:07:42,600
I'm getting a bad feeling.
150
00:07:43,400 --> 00:07:44,800
Hunger?
151
00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:47,000
Indigestion?
152
00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:49,200
I'm sorry, I'm really
not very good at this.
153
00:07:49,700 --> 00:07:52,200
Anyway, Penny now believes that,
on Friday night,
154
00:07:52,200 --> 00:07:56,500
we're going to participate in my cousin
Leopold's drug intervention.
155
00:07:58,200 --> 00:07:59,600
Your cousin Leopold.
156
00:07:59,600 --> 00:08:02,300
Who most people call Leo,
but he also answers to Lee.
157
00:08:02,300 --> 00:08:04,000
- Remember that. It's important.
158
00:08:04,100 --> 00:08:05,200
- What's important?
159
00:08:05,200 --> 00:08:10,100
Details, Leonard-- the success or failure
of our deceitful enterprise turns on details.
160
00:08:10,700 --> 00:08:12,100
- Do you have a cousin Leopold?
161
00:08:12,100 --> 00:08:13,900
- No. I made him up.
162
00:08:14,900 --> 00:08:16,900

I think you'd call him Lee.
163
00:08:18,500 --> 00:08:20,200
I don't get it.
I already told her a lie.
164
00:08:20,300 --> 00:08:22,500
Why replace it with a different lie?
165
00:08:22,500 --> 00:08:25,300
Well, first of all, your lie
was laughably transparent,
166
00:08:25,400 --> 00:08:27,800
where mine is exquisitely convoluted.
167
00:08:29,000 --> 00:08:33,000
While you were sleeping,
I was weaving an un-unravelable web.
168
00:08:33,900 --> 00:08:35,300
Un-unravelable?
169
00:08:35,300 --> 00:08:36,200

Yes.
170
00:08:36,300 --> 00:08:39,300
If she Googles "Leopold Houston,"
she'll find a Facebook page,
171
00:08:39,300 --> 00:08:41,800
an online blog depicting
his descent into drug use
172
00:08:41,800 --> 00:08:45,300
and a desperate yet hopeful
listing on eHarmony.com.
173
00:08:46,800 --> 00:08:50,500
Okay, why would I go
to a drug intervention for your cousin?
174
00:08:50,500 --> 00:08:53,300
Because it's in Long Beach,
and I don't drive.
175
00:08:55,400 --> 00:08:56,600
- We're going to Long Beach?

176
00:08:56,600 --> 00:08:57,500
- Of course not.
177
00:08:57,500 --> 00:08:58,500
There's no cousin Leo.
178
00:08:58,500 --> 00:08:59,500
There's no intervention.
179
00:08:59,500 --> 00:09:00,600
Focus, Leonard.
180
00:09:00,600 --> 00:09:02,000
Aw, come on.
181
00:09:03,200 --> 00:09:07,600
We just leave the house on Friday night and we return
in the wee hours,emotionally wrung out,
182
00:09:07,600 --> 00:09:10,400
from the work of convincing Leo
to go back into rehab.
183
00:09:10,700 --> 00:09:12,200
- He goes back into rehab?
184
00:09:12,200 --> 00:09:16,400
- Yes, but, he can relapse if Penny
ever invites us to hear her sing again.
185
00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:20,700
You still told her I lied.
186
00:09:20,800 --> 00:09:24,100
For a noble purpose--
to spare me the social embarrassment
187
00:09:24,100 --> 00:09:26,100
of having a drug-addled first cousin--
188
00:09:26,100 --> 00:09:28,200
which I'm assuming is embarrassing, yes?
189
00:09:30,500 --> 00:09:32,600
How am I supposed
to remember all of this?
190
00:09:32,600 --> 00:09:33,500
That's the best part.
191
00:09:33,500 --> 00:09:34,400
You don't have to.
192
00:09:34,400 --> 00:09:38,400
I told Penny that you would be embarrassed,
if you knew that she found out that you had lied,
193
00:09:38,400 --> 00:09:41,900
so she's agreed to operate as if
the original lie is still in force.
194
00:09:45,100 --> 00:09:49,700
So she's expecting me, to lie
about going to a symposium in Pasadena,
195
00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:55,500
when, in actuality, we're pretending to go
to a drug intervention in Long Beach.
196
00:09:55,600 --> 00:09:57,600
Un-unravelable.
197
00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:02,800
Hey Penny! Wow, look at you,
all ready for your showcase.
198
00:10:02,800 --> 00:10:03,800
- You look great.
199
00:10:03,800 --> 00:10:04,700
- Thanks.
200
00:10:04,700 --> 00:10:06,800
I just wanted to come by,
wish you guys luck
201
00:10:06,800 --> 00:10:09,500
with your... symposium.
202
00:10:11,300 --> 00:10:13,000
Thank you!
203
00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:15,900
I got to tell you, a lot of friends
would let their friend go alone,

204
00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:17,000
but that's not who you are.
205
00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:20,400
You are the kind of guy
who stands by a friend when...
206
00:10:21,100 --> 00:10:23,900
When he has a symposium to go to.
207
00:10:27,200 --> 00:10:28,900
I don't know what to say.
208
00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:31,300
It's okay, Leonard.
209
00:10:31,300 --> 00:10:33,700
Okay, all right, good.
210
00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:36,000
Oh, boy, group hug.
211
00:10:39,100 --> 00:10:40,100

So, what's up?
212
00:10:40,100 --> 00:10:44,300
Well, Penny is on her way to perform
in a one-night showcase production of Rent,
213
00:10:44,622 --> 00:10:46,457
which we are unable to attend,
213
00:10:46,200 --> 00:10:49,400
because we're going to a symposium
on molecular positronium
214
00:10:49,400 --> 00:10:51,700
given by Dr. Emilarmanfarmian.
215
00:10:52,300 --> 00:10:56,200
Wait a minute. Farmanfarmian is speaking
and you're bogarting the symposium?
216
00:10:57,100 --> 00:10:57,800
- Howard, I'm sorr...
217
00:10:57,800 --> 00:10:59,900
- No, no, you're quark-blocking us.

218
00:11:02,900 --> 00:11:04,800
I don't know what to say.
219
00:11:06,600 --> 00:11:07,400
Howard, listen.
220
00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:08,800
It's okay.
It's your Millennium Falcon.
221
00:11:08,900 --> 00:11:11,100
You and Chewbacca
do whatever you wanted.
222
00:11:13,200 --> 00:11:16,300
Me and Princess Leia here will find
some other way to spend the evening.
223
00:11:16,900 --> 00:11:17,900
Howard, wait.
224
00:11:18,600 --> 00:11:21,200
Sheldon,
I think we should tell them.
225
00:11:22,500 --> 00:11:24,100
Okay, sure.
226
00:11:24,600 --> 00:11:26,300
I don't see a problem with that.
227
00:11:27,200 --> 00:11:28,900
There's no symposium.
228
00:11:29,200 --> 00:11:30,300
Leonard lied to me.
229
00:11:30,300 --> 00:11:31,400
Isn't that right, Leonard?
230
00:11:31,500 --> 00:11:33,000
Well...
231
00:11:33,800 --> 00:11:36,000
I don't know what to say!
232
00:11:36,500 --> 00:11:37,600
It's okay; I do.
233
00:11:37,600 --> 00:11:40,200
Leonard is helping Sheldon
through a family crisis.
234
00:11:40,400 --> 00:11:44,100
He made up the whole story
about the symposium with Dr. Farman...
235
00:11:44,100 --> 00:11:45,200
Farmian.
236
00:11:45,200 --> 00:11:46,100
Good for you.
237
00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:49,800
Because he didn't want
Sheldon to be embarrassed.
238
00:11:49,800 --> 00:11:51,700
And there's nothing
to be embarrassed about.
239
00:11:51,700 --> 00:11:53,900
Every family in America has a relative
240
00:11:53,900 --> 00:11:56,700
holed up in a garage somewhere
huffing paint thinner.
241
00:11:57,900 --> 00:11:59,200
No, I'm lost, too.
242
00:11:59,200 --> 00:12:00,700
I think she skipped a step.
243
00:12:01,600 --> 00:12:02,300
No, look.
244
00:12:02,300 --> 00:12:06,300
Sheldon's cousin Leo escaped rehab,
and he's in a Motel 8 in Long Beach.
245
00:12:06,300 --> 00:12:08,100
The whole family's going out
for an intervention.
246
00:12:08,400 --> 00:12:10,200
Leonard is driving Sheldon down there
247
00:12:10,200 --> 00:12:13,000
to help him through this,
because he's such a good man.
248
00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:14,800
Another hug?
Thank you.
249
00:12:16,800 --> 00:12:18,300
All right, you guys, good luck.
250
00:12:18,300 --> 00:12:19,300
Thanks, Penny.
251
00:12:19,300 --> 00:12:20,200
Break a leg!
252
00:12:20,200 --> 00:12:21,300
Break a leg!
253
00:12:22,800 --> 00:12:24,100
So, road trip to Long Beach.
254
00:12:24,100 --> 00:12:26,200
- We're not going to Long Beach.
255
00:12:26,300 --> 00:12:27,000
- Why not?
256
00:12:27,000 --> 00:12:30,000
Because Sheldon doesn't have
a drug-addicted cousin Leopold.
257
00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:31,500
Oh, too bad.
258
00:12:32,700 --> 00:12:34,400
I've always wanted
to go to Long Beach.
259
00:12:34,800 --> 00:12:36,200
It's a very nice community.
260
00:12:36,200 --> 00:12:37,800

The Queen Mary is docked there.
261
00:12:37,800 --> 00:12:41,300
Once the largest ocean liner in the
world, it's now a hotel and restaurant,
262
00:12:41,300 --> 00:12:44,200
where they host a surprisingly gripping
murder mystery dinner.
263
00:12:45,400 --> 00:12:46,700
- Sounds fun.
- I'm game.
264
00:12:47,500 --> 00:12:49,000
- No, no, no.
265
00:12:49,600 --> 00:12:52,800
Leonard gets nauseous unless he sits
in front, and even then, it's iffy.
266
00:12:54,700 --> 00:12:57,500
Wait, are we really
going to Long Beach?

267
00:13:04,700 --> 00:13:07,300
Leonard?
268
00:13:08,100 --> 00:13:09,800
Let it go, Sheldon.
269
00:13:09,800 --> 00:13:13,000
The murderer was the first mate
whether it makes sense to you or not.
270
00:13:14,500 --> 00:13:16,300
No, that's the least of our worries.
271
00:13:16,600 --> 00:13:18,300
I've been doing
some research on addiction,
272
00:13:18,300 --> 00:13:20,600
both the biochemical
and behavioral aspects--
273
00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:23,700
and I think there's a problem
with the current version of our lie.

274
00:13:24,200 --> 00:13:25,400
What are you talking about?
275
00:13:25,400 --> 00:13:27,400
It's fine!
She bought it; it's over.
276
00:13:31,200 --> 00:13:32,800
Sadly, it's not.
277
00:13:33,400 --> 00:13:35,400
Substance abuse
is a lifelong struggle,
278
00:13:35,400 --> 00:13:38,600
but beyond that, I have realized
that the Leo I described
279
00:13:38,600 --> 00:13:40,000
would not have agreed to go to rehab.
280
00:13:40,000 --> 00:13:41,500
- Why not?
281
00:13:41,900 --> 00:13:43,900
Because Leo's a middle child.
282
00:13:44,600 --> 00:13:45,400
There is no Leo!
283
00:13:45,400 --> 00:13:46,900
How can you say that?
284
00:13:50,900 --> 00:13:52,900
You didn't read the bio, did you?
285
00:13:53,900 --> 00:13:56,700
He's not just a middle child,
he is the quintessential middle child--
286
00:13:56,700 --> 00:13:58,200
from a broken home, to boot.
287
00:13:58,200 --> 00:14:01,500
Psychologically speaking,
the attention he gets by rebelling,

288
00:14:01,500 --> 00:14:03,000
even to the point of self-destruction,
289
00:14:03,000 --> 00:14:06,300
is more emotionally valuable
than the help he would get at rehab.
290
00:14:06,300 --> 00:14:07,500
- I've got a solution.
291
00:14:07,500 --> 00:14:08,200
- Great. What is it?
292
00:14:08,300 --> 00:14:10,500
Get out!
293
00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:12,800
Fine.
294
00:14:19,000 --> 00:14:20,700
I've hesitated to point this out,
295
00:14:20,700 --> 00:14:23,200

but I must now remind you
that we are in our current predicament
296
00:14:23,200 --> 00:14:25,900
because of your initial
and totally inadequate deceit.
297
00:14:25,900 --> 00:14:28,100
I'm just trying to clean up
after your mess.
298
00:14:32,400 --> 00:14:34,000
We'll talk in the morning.
299
00:14:46,700 --> 00:14:48,100
Morning.
300
00:14:49,000 --> 00:14:50,500
Who are you?
301
00:14:51,000 --> 00:14:53,300
I am Sheldon's cousin Leo.
302
00:14:57,800 --> 00:15:00,500

Sheldon does not have
a cousin Leo.
303
00:15:00,500 --> 00:15:01,900
Au contraire.
304
00:15:02,300 --> 00:15:03,800
I'm 26 years old.
305
00:15:03,800 --> 00:15:05,200
I'm originally
from...
306
00:15:05,600 --> 00:15:09,200
Denton, Texas,
but I was a Navy brat,
307
00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:12,200
so I was brought up on a variety
of military bases around the world.
308
00:15:12,500 --> 00:15:14,400
As a result, I've often felt
like an outsider--
309
00:15:14,600 --> 00:15:16,100
never really fitting in,
310
00:15:16,100 --> 00:15:18,700
which is probably the reason
for my substance abuse problem.
311
00:15:18,700 --> 00:15:22,000
Excuse me,
we just went over this.
312
00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:24,800
As the quintessential middle child,
your addiction is rooted
313
00:15:24,800 --> 00:15:26,400
in your unmet need for attention.
314
00:15:26,700 --> 00:15:29,400
Sheldon, are we really going
to go with pop psychology?
315
00:15:29,700 --> 00:15:32,200
For your information,

this is based on solid research.
316
00:15:32,200 --> 00:15:34,600
Just stick with the character profile
I wrote for you.
317
00:15:35,200 --> 00:15:36,100
Sheldon?
318
00:15:36,100 --> 00:15:36,900
I'm sorry.
319
00:15:36,900 --> 00:15:38,500
Leonard, this is Toby Loobenfeld.
320
00:15:38,500 --> 00:15:41,400
He's a research assistant
in the particle physics lab,
321
00:15:41,400 --> 00:15:44,500
but he also minored in theater at MIT.
322
00:15:44,900 --> 00:15:46,800
It was more of a double major, actually.

323
00:15:47,100 --> 00:15:48,400
Theater and physics.
324
00:15:48,400 --> 00:15:51,100
You can guess which one
my bourgeois parents pushed me toward.
325
00:15:51,100 --> 00:15:52,300
Yeah, I got it.
326
00:15:52,600 --> 00:15:53,700
Sheldon...
327
00:15:53,700 --> 00:15:54,800
why?
328
00:15:54,800 --> 00:15:57,600
You see, while Leo
would not have gone into rehab,
329
00:15:57,600 --> 00:15:59,400
it is completely plausible,
330
00:15:59,400 --> 00:16:03,300
that we would have talked him into
leaving the motel and coming home with us.
331
00:16:04,200 --> 00:16:07,600
How about this as my motivation--
when I was 14 years old,
332
00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:10,900
I was abused in the Philippines
by a clubfooted Navy chaplain.
333
00:16:13,400 --> 00:16:15,500
No. We're going with middle child
334
00:16:15,500 --> 00:16:18,700
and a genetic predisposition to
inadequate serotonin production.
335
00:16:19,500 --> 00:16:22,700
Swell. How do I play
genetic predisposition?
336
00:16:23,500 --> 00:16:25,800

Subtextually, of course.
337
00:16:28,800 --> 00:16:30,300
Just have fun with it.
338
00:16:35,800 --> 00:16:36,800
- Morning, Penny.
339
00:16:36,800 --> 00:16:38,400
- How did the intervention go?
340
00:16:38,400 --> 00:16:41,600
Unfortunately, we weren't able
to convince him to go to rehab.
341
00:16:41,600 --> 00:16:43,900
Based on what you told me,
I am not surprised.
342
00:16:47,200 --> 00:16:49,600
But we did convince him
to leave the motel.
343
00:16:50,000 --> 00:16:51,600

Come say hello.
344
00:16:52,700 --> 00:16:54,100
Leo.
345
00:16:54,400 --> 00:16:57,400
This is Penny, our friend and neighbor.
346
00:16:57,400 --> 00:16:58,700
Hi, Leo.
347
00:16:59,000 --> 00:17:00,600
How are you feeling?
348
00:17:05,600 --> 00:17:07,500
Let me ask you something, Penny.
349
00:17:07,500 --> 00:17:12,200
Have you ever woken up in a
fleabag motel, covered in your own vomit,
350
00:17:12,300 --> 00:17:15,200
next to a transsexual prostitute?

351
00:17:17,800 --> 00:17:18,600
No.
352
00:17:18,600 --> 00:17:21,900
Then don't ask me
how I'm feeling.
353
00:17:24,500 --> 00:17:25,800
Well, that's Leo.
354
00:17:27,700 --> 00:17:30,200
why don't you tell me
about your showcase last night?
355
00:17:30,200 --> 00:17:31,400
It was okay, I guess.
356
00:17:31,400 --> 00:17:34,000
It wasn't a big turnout,
but they both really seemed to like it.
357
00:17:34,800 --> 00:17:36,400
There were only
two people there?

358
00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:38,400
By the end, yeah.
359
00:17:39,300 --> 00:17:41,500
Damn you, Chaplain Harrigan!
360
00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:45,500
I'm... I'm sorry?
361
00:17:45,500 --> 00:17:47,100
The Philippines.
362
00:17:49,300 --> 00:17:51,300
1992.
363
00:17:51,500 --> 00:17:53,700
The Subic Bay Naval Station.
364
00:17:53,700 --> 00:17:56,700
A young boy on the cusp of manhood.
365
00:17:57,500 --> 00:17:58,800

His only companions,
366
00:17:58,800 --> 00:18:01,800
mongrel dogs
and malarial mosquitoes.
367
00:18:02,200 --> 00:18:03,800
Desperate and alone,
368
00:18:03,800 --> 00:18:07,600
he reached out to a man
who promised to introduce him
369
00:18:07,600 --> 00:18:12,500
to a merciful, loving God,
but who instead introduced him
370
00:18:12,500 --> 00:18:17,600
to a gin-pickled tongue
shoved down his adolescent throat.
371
00:18:19,400 --> 00:18:25,800
What choice did he have but to
drink, shoot and snort his pain away?

372
00:18:27,100 --> 00:18:29,900
Don't forget his genetic predisposition
towards addiction.
373
00:18:29,900 --> 00:18:31,000
- That's never been proven.
374
00:18:31,000 --> 00:18:32,000
- There have been studies.
375
00:18:32,000 --> 00:18:33,100
Not double-blind studies.
376
00:18:33,100 --> 00:18:34,600
How could there be?
377
00:18:34,600 --> 00:18:36,100
Who would be the control group?
378
00:18:36,100 --> 00:18:38,100
As you can see,
detoxing can get pretty ugly.
379
00:18:38,100 --> 00:18:40,000
Let's give them some privacy.
380
00:18:40,400 --> 00:18:42,300
Do you want to come over
and have coffee?
381
00:18:42,300 --> 00:18:43,600
Ah, sounds good.
382
00:18:43,600 --> 00:18:45,900
I have a video of me singing last night.
383
00:18:45,900 --> 00:18:47,100
Do you want to see it?
384
00:18:47,700 --> 00:18:49,700
Gee, why wouldn't I?
385
00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:52,000
This is even better than you
coming to the showcase,
386
00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:53,600

because now I get to watch you watch me.
387
00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:55,200
Yeeaaahh.
388
00:18:56,200 --> 00:18:58,200
Funny how things work out.
389
00:18:59,600 --> 00:19:02,000
...but he loved the companionship
and the wisdom
390
00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:04,800
that his own father failed to provide.
391
00:19:05,500 --> 00:19:07,600
Your parents made the right decision.
392
00:19:13,100 --> 00:19:15,500
I cannot work like this.
393
00:19:24,400 --> 00:19:26,000
This is amazing.
394
00:19:26,400 --> 00:19:29,300
Just sitting on a couch
watching TV with a woman.
395
00:19:30,200 --> 00:19:32,800
Not being drunk or high
396
00:19:32,800 --> 00:19:35,600
or wondering
if you're a dude down there.
397
00:19:37,500 --> 00:19:41,100
Leo, you are a very sweet,
really funny guy.
398
00:19:41,100 --> 00:19:42,700
You're going to do okay.
399
00:19:43,700 --> 00:19:45,700
One day at a time, Penny.
400
00:19:49,300 --> 00:19:51,400
One day at a time.

401
00:19:56,200 --> 00:19:58,500
How long is he going to stay here?
402
00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:00,500
He's a homeless drug addict Leonard.
403
00:20:00,500 --> 00:20:02,300
Where is he going to go?
404
00:20:02,900 --> 00:20:05,500
Boy, you have a lot
to learn about lying.
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
10000
00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:13,000

The Big Bang Theory - 1x11 - The Pancake Batter Anomaly
00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,000
00:00:27,100 --> 00:00:28,200
Checkmate.
00:00:29,800 --> 00:00:31,000
- Again?
- Obviously,
00:00:31,200 --> 00:00:33,900
you're not well suited
for three-dimensional chess.
00:00:34,000 --> 00:00:37,100
Perhaps three-dimensional Candy Land
would be more your speed.
00:00:37,700 --> 00:00:38,900
Just reset the board.
00:00:39,200 --> 00:00:42,400

It must be humbling to suck
on so many different levels.
00:00:49,300 --> 00:00:50,200
Hey, guys.
00:00:50,400 --> 00:00:52,600
- Did you get my mail?
- Yeah, right here.
00:00:53,100 --> 00:00:56,200
- How was Nebraska?
- Well, better than North Dakota.
10
00:01:02,100 --> 00:01:04,600
I guess that joke's
only funny in Nebraska.
11
00:01:05,100 --> 00:01:07,600
From the data at hand,
you really can't draw that conclusion.
12
00:01:07,800 --> 00:01:11,400
All you can say with absolute certainty
is that that joke is not funny here.

13
00:01:17,700 --> 00:01:19,200
Boy, it's good to be back.
14
00:01:20,500 --> 00:01:22,600
- How's your family?
- It was the worst trip.
15
00:01:22,700 --> 00:01:24,400
Everyone got sick over the weekend.
16
00:01:24,500 --> 00:01:26,000
- Sick?
- Here we go.
17
00:01:29,100 --> 00:01:30,400
What kind of sick?
18
00:01:30,600 --> 00:01:31,800
The flu, I guess.
19
00:01:32,000 --> 00:01:34,200
I don't need you to guess.
I need you to know.

20
00:01:34,300 --> 00:01:36,900
Now, when did the symptoms
first appear?
21
00:01:37,000 --> 00:01:38,100
Maybe Friday.
22
00:01:38,300 --> 00:01:40,400
Friday.
Was that morning or afternoon?
23
00:01:41,300 --> 00:01:42,400
I- I don't...
24
00:01:42,600 --> 00:01:45,000
Think, woman.
Who blew their nose and when?
25
00:01:45,900 --> 00:01:46,900
Sheldon, relax.
26
00:01:47,000 --> 00:01:49,600
She doesn't have any symptoms.

I'm sure she's not contagious.
27
00:01:49,800 --> 00:01:51,000
Oh, please.
28
00:01:53,000 --> 00:01:55,200
If influenza was only contagious
after symptoms appear,
29
00:01:55,300 --> 00:01:57,200
it would have died out
thousands of years ago.
30
00:01:57,400 --> 00:01:59,600
Somewhere between tool using
and cave painting,
31
00:01:59,800 --> 00:02:03,000
homo habilis would have figured out
how to kill the guy with the runny nose.
32
00:02:04,300 --> 00:02:07,200
Penny, you'll have to excuse Sheldon.
He's a bit of a germaphobe.

33
00:02:07,300 --> 00:02:08,700
It's okay. I understand.
34
00:02:08,800 --> 00:02:11,500
Thanks for your consideration.
Now please leave.
35
00:02:12,500 --> 00:02:15,000
You'd better go before he starts
spraying you with Lysol.
36
00:02:16,300 --> 00:02:18,400
Okay. Well, thank you
for getting my mail.
37
00:02:18,500 --> 00:02:20,200
No problem. Welcome home.
38
00:02:27,400 --> 00:02:28,300
What?!
39
00:02:50,100 --> 00:02:52,800
The Pancake Batter Anomaly

1
00:02:59,500 --> 00:03:01,200
What the hell are you doing?
00:03:01,400 --> 00:03:04,300
I'm making petri dishes
to grow throat cultures.
00:03:05,800 --> 00:03:06,800
With lime Jell-O?
00:03:07,100 --> 00:03:08,500
I need a growth medium,
00:03:08,600 --> 00:03:11,100
and someone polished off
the apricot yogurt.
00:03:12,800 --> 00:03:14,400
Here,
swab my throat.
00:03:17,100 --> 00:03:18,200
I don't think so.

8
00:03:18,300 --> 00:03:20,400
If I'm going to get ahead of this thing,
00:03:20,500 --> 00:03:23,200
I need to find out what's
growing in my throat.
10
00:03:25,000 --> 00:03:26,700
Sheldon, you are not sick.
11
00:03:27,400 --> 00:03:29,700
This is, but you are not.
12
00:03:31,000 --> 00:03:34,800
We have no idea what pathogen Typhoid
she has introduced into our environment.
13
00:03:35,400 --> 00:03:37,000
For having never been to Nebraska,
14
00:03:37,100 --> 00:03:40,200
I'm fairly certain that
I have no corn-husking antibodies.

15
00:03:43,500 --> 00:03:45,900
Sheldon, don't you think
you're overreacting?
16
00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:49,600
When I'm lying comatose in a hospital
relying on inferior minds to cure me,
17
00:03:49,800 --> 00:03:51,900
these Jell-O cultures
and my accompanying notes
18
00:03:52,100 --> 00:03:54,200
will give them a fighting chance.
19
00:03:58,600 --> 00:04:00,800
- I'm going back to bed.
- Wait.
20
00:04:01,500 --> 00:04:03,400
- Put this in the bathroom.
- What for?
21
00:04:03,600 --> 00:04:05,600
I need to measure my fluid
intake and output
22
00:04:05,700 --> 00:04:08,100
to make sure my kidneys
aren't shutting down.
23
00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:12,000
I mixed pancake batter in this!
24
00:04:13,800 --> 00:04:16,500
No, that measuring cup
has always been for urine.
25
00:04:18,200 --> 00:04:20,900
You had time to make a label
for everything in this apartment
26
00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:22,400
including the label maker,
27
00:04:22,700 --> 00:04:26,200
but you didn't have ten seconds
to make one that said "urine cup"?

28
00:04:27,900 --> 00:04:29,900
It's right here on the bottom.
29
00:04:37,100 --> 00:04:40,500
I guess I owe the Betty Crocker
Company a letter of apology.
30
00:04:57,200 --> 00:04:58,500
Oh, dear God.
31
00:05:03,300 --> 00:05:04,600
Leonard, I'm sick!
32
00:05:11,700 --> 00:05:13,000
Leonard, I'm sick!
33
00:05:26,200 --> 00:05:30,200
Leonard, my comforter fell down,
and my sinuses hurt when I bend over.
34
00:05:50,200 --> 00:05:52,600
- Hey!
- Leonard, where are you?

35
00:05:52,900 --> 00:05:54,000
I'm at work.
36
00:05:55,500 --> 00:05:57,100
At 6:30 in the morning?
37
00:05:59,700 --> 00:06:00,700
On Sunday?
38
00:06:03,500 --> 00:06:05,600
- Why?
- They asked me to come in.
39
00:06:05,700 --> 00:06:07,400
I didn't hear the phone ring.
40
00:06:08,200 --> 00:06:09,500
They texted me.
41
00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:14,500
Well, as I predicted,
I am sick.
42
00:06:14,700 --> 00:06:18,200
My fever has been tracking up
exponentially since 2:00 a.m.,
43
00:06:18,300 --> 00:06:21,200
and I am producing sputum
at an alarming rate.
44
00:06:23,800 --> 00:06:25,200
No kidding?
45
00:06:25,300 --> 00:06:26,700
No, not only that,
46
00:06:26,900 --> 00:06:29,700
it has shifted from clear
to milky green.
47
00:06:30,800 --> 00:06:31,700
All right,
48
00:06:31,900 --> 00:06:34,100
get some rest
and drink plenty of fluids.

49
00:06:34,400 --> 00:06:38,400
What else would I drink,
gases, solids, ionized plasma?
50
00:06:39,700 --> 00:06:41,000
Drink whatever you want.
51
00:06:41,200 --> 00:06:43,500
- I want soup.
- Then make soup.
52
00:06:43,600 --> 00:06:44,900
We don't have soup.
53
00:06:45,100 --> 00:06:46,700
I'm at work, Sheldon.
54
00:06:50,400 --> 00:06:51,700
Is that a dog?
55
00:06:53,900 --> 00:06:55,000
In the lab?
56
00:06:57,500 --> 00:07:00,500
They're training dogs
to operate the centrifuge
57
00:07:00,700 --> 00:07:02,600
for when they need dogs to...
58
00:07:03,300 --> 00:07:04,900
operate the centrifuge
59
00:07:05,400 --> 00:07:07,500
for blind scientists.
I have to go.
60
00:07:11,200 --> 00:07:13,600
Howard, it's the phone!
61
00:07:16,100 --> 00:07:19,600
I know it's the phone, Ma,
I hear the phone!
62
00:07:19,700 --> 00:07:23,100
Well, who's calling
at this ungodly hour?!

63
00:07:23,400 --> 00:07:24,800
I don't know!
64
00:07:25,400 --> 00:07:29,400
Well, ask them why they're calling
at this ungodly hour!
65
00:07:29,500 --> 00:07:32,700
How can I ask them
when I'm talking to you?!
66
00:07:36,600 --> 00:07:37,400
Hello.
67
00:07:38,900 --> 00:07:40,700
It's Leonard.
Code milky green.
68
00:07:40,900 --> 00:07:42,600
Dear Lord, not milky green.
69
00:07:43,600 --> 00:07:45,200
Affirmative. With fever.

70
00:07:45,300 --> 00:07:47,300
Who's
on the phone?!
71
00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:48,700
It's Leonard!
72
00:07:48,900 --> 00:07:50,600
Why is he calling?!
73
00:07:50,800 --> 00:07:52,100
Sheldon's sick!
74
00:07:52,400 --> 00:07:54,200
Were you playing with him?!
75
00:07:56,600 --> 00:07:59,500
For God's sake, Ma,
I'm 26 years old!
76
00:07:59,600 --> 00:08:02,100
Excuse me,
Mr. Grownup!
77
00:08:03,500 --> 00:08:05,200
What do you want for breakfast?!
78
00:08:05,400 --> 00:08:07,400
Chocolate milk and Eggos,
please!
79
00:08:09,100 --> 00:08:11,400
- Listen to me.
- Hang on. Call waiting.
80
00:08:11,500 --> 00:08:12,600
No, don't...!
81
00:08:13,200 --> 00:08:14,100
Hello.
82
00:08:14,800 --> 00:08:16,200
Howard, I'm sick.
83
00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:25,400
Howard's sleeping.
This is his mother!

84
00:08:27,100 --> 00:08:30,300
Why are you calling
at this ungodly hour?
85
00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:33,200
I need soup.
86
00:08:34,000 --> 00:08:36,200
Then call your own mother!
87
00:08:38,200 --> 00:08:39,400
It was Sheldon.
88
00:08:39,500 --> 00:08:41,700
- I tried to stop you.
- It's my own fault.
89
00:08:41,800 --> 00:08:45,700
I forgot the protocol we put in place
after The Great Ear Infection of '06.
90
00:08:46,700 --> 00:08:47,800
Call Koothrappali.
91
00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:51,400
We need to find a place to lay low
for the next 18 to 24 hours.
92
00:08:51,600 --> 00:08:52,600
Stand by.
93
00:08:52,700 --> 00:08:54,600
Ma, can my friends come over?
94
00:08:55,000 --> 00:08:57,900
I just had
the carpet steamed!
95
00:08:59,500 --> 00:09:00,900
That's a negatory.
96
00:09:01,700 --> 00:09:04,300
But there's a Planet of The Apes
marathon at the NuArt today.
97
00:09:05,100 --> 00:09:07,700
Five movies, two hours apiece..

98
00:09:08,700 --> 00:09:10,000
it's a start.
99
00:09:13,400 --> 00:09:15,400
Homeless, crazy guy at table 18.
100
00:09:21,800 --> 00:09:23,200
No, just crazy.
101
00:09:25,100 --> 00:09:27,400
Sheldon, what are you doing here?
102
00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:30,800
I'm sick.
Thank you very much.
103
00:09:31,300 --> 00:09:33,500
How could you have gotten if from me?
I'm not sick.
104
00:09:33,600 --> 00:09:34,900
You're a carrier.
105
00:09:35,100 --> 00:09:37,100
All these people here are doomed.
106
00:09:37,200 --> 00:09:38,700
You're doomed!
107
00:09:41,300 --> 00:09:43,200
Sheldon, what do you want?
108
00:09:43,600 --> 00:09:44,800
I want soup.
109
00:09:49,600 --> 00:09:51,000
Why didn't you...?
110
00:09:53,400 --> 00:09:55,100
Why didn't you just have soup at home?
111
00:09:55,800 --> 00:09:58,200
Penny, I have an IQ of 187.
112
00:09:58,500 --> 00:10:00,700
Don't you imagine that

if there were a way for me
113
00:10:00,800 --> 00:10:03,200
to have had soup at home,
I would have thought of it?
114
00:10:04,200 --> 00:10:05,700
You can have soup delivered.
115
00:10:10,100 --> 00:10:11,400
I did not think of that.
116
00:10:13,600 --> 00:10:16,000
Clearly, febrile delirium
is setting in.
117
00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:17,500
Please bring me some soup
118
00:10:17,700 --> 00:10:20,200
while I still understand
what a spoon is for.
119
00:10:20,800 --> 00:10:22,500

What kind of soup do you want?
120
00:10:22,600 --> 00:10:25,500
Well, my mother used
to make me this split pea
121
00:10:25,600 --> 00:10:29,300
with little frankfurter slices
and these homemade croutons.
122
00:10:29,800 --> 00:10:32,100
We have chicken, tortilla
and potato leek.
123
00:10:33,100 --> 00:10:35,700
Could I get any of those
with little frankfurter slices
124
00:10:35,800 --> 00:10:37,200
and homemade croutons?
125
00:10:39,400 --> 00:10:40,800
Then surprise me.
126
00:10:50,900 --> 00:10:53,900
Would you call that
"moss green" or "forest green"?
127
00:11:08,500 --> 00:11:10,600
Look at this.
Everyone went chimp.
128
00:11:11,800 --> 00:11:14,100
I'd like to point out
that I voted for orangutan,
129
00:11:14,300 --> 00:11:15,900
but you shouted me down.
130
00:11:20,900 --> 00:11:22,700
- Hi, Penny.
- Hey, where are you?
131
00:11:23,200 --> 00:11:25,300
I'm... at work.
132
00:11:26,600 --> 00:11:27,700
You sound funny.

133
00:11:27,900 --> 00:11:31,000
Look. I'm...
I'm in a radiation suit.
134
00:11:32,100 --> 00:11:33,900
- What's up?
- I'm at work, too,
135
00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:37,100
and you'll never guess who's here
infecting my entire station.
136
00:11:37,200 --> 00:11:39,000
Sheldon's at the Cheesecake Factory.
137
00:11:40,100 --> 00:11:42,500
- Just tell him to go home.
- He won't leave.
138
00:11:42,600 --> 00:11:46,400
He's afraid he'll pass out on the bus,
and someone will harvest his organs.
139
00:11:47,700 --> 00:11:50,200

He's paranoid,
and he's established a nest.
140
00:11:51,300 --> 00:11:52,800
Can you please come get him?
141
00:11:54,100 --> 00:11:55,900
Yeah, I'd be happy to.
142
00:11:58,600 --> 00:12:01,400
Oh, my God, there's a breach
in the radiation unit!
143
00:12:01,500 --> 00:12:03,700
The whole city is in jeopardy!
Oh, my God!
144
00:12:03,900 --> 00:12:06,400
The containment vessel's melting.
Gotta go. Bye!
145
00:12:12,700 --> 00:12:14,200
I feel really guilty.
146
00:12:14,700 --> 00:12:16,200
You did what you had to do.
147
00:12:16,300 --> 00:12:19,000
Take your stinking paws off my popcorn,
148
00:12:19,100 --> 00:12:21,100
you damn dirty ape!
149
00:12:24,800 --> 00:12:26,600
Thanks for bringing me home.
150
00:12:26,900 --> 00:12:29,100
It's okay.
I didn't really need to work today.
151
00:12:29,200 --> 00:12:32,200
It's not like I have rent
or car payments or anything.
152
00:12:32,300 --> 00:12:33,400
Good, good.
153
00:12:35,500 --> 00:12:37,400

Okay, well, you feel better.
154
00:12:37,600 --> 00:12:40,000
Wait!
155
00:12:41,700 --> 00:12:44,100
Home...
to write some bad checks.
156
00:12:45,600 --> 00:12:47,300
You're going to leave me?
157
00:12:47,700 --> 00:12:50,600
Sheldon, you are a grown man.
Haven't you ever been sick before?
158
00:12:51,000 --> 00:12:53,400
Of course, but not by myself.
159
00:12:54,400 --> 00:12:55,800
Really? Never?
160
00:12:56,200 --> 00:12:58,400

Well, once, when I was 15,
161
00:12:58,500 --> 00:13:01,500
spending the summer at the Heidelberg
Institute in Germany.
162
00:13:02,000 --> 00:13:03,200
Studying abroad?
163
00:13:03,500 --> 00:13:05,300
No. Visiting professor.
164
00:13:07,400 --> 00:13:10,400
Anyway, the local cuisine was
a little more sausage-based
165
00:13:10,500 --> 00:13:14,000
than I'm used to, and the result
was an internal Blitzkrieg,
166
00:13:14,200 --> 00:13:17,400
with my lower intestine playing
the part of Czechoslovakia.
167
00:13:18,500 --> 00:13:21,200
And there was no one there
to take care of you?
168
00:13:21,300 --> 00:13:24,400
My Mom had to fly
back to Texas to help my Dad,
169
00:13:24,500 --> 00:13:28,000
because the house had slipped off
the cinder blocks again.
170
00:13:29,000 --> 00:13:31,200
- Again?
- It was tornado season.
171
00:13:31,500 --> 00:13:33,300
And it was an aluminum house.
172
00:13:35,200 --> 00:13:38,700
The housekeeper in the faculty residence
didn't speak any English.
173
00:13:39,000 --> 00:13:41,300
When I finally managed

to convince her I was sick,
174
00:13:41,500 --> 00:13:44,100
she said, "Möchtest du
eine Darmspülung?"
175
00:13:45,400 --> 00:13:46,700
What does that mean?
176
00:13:46,800 --> 00:13:48,900
Based on what happened next,
I assume it means,
177
00:13:49,000 --> 00:13:50,600
"Would you like an enema?"
178
00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:55,400
Okay, sweetie.
I'll take care of you.
179
00:13:55,500 --> 00:13:57,000
What do you need?
180
00:13:58,100 --> 00:14:00,900

My Mom used to give me sponge baths.
181
00:14:08,000 --> 00:14:10,100
Okay, ground rules: no sponge baths,
182
00:14:10,200 --> 00:14:12,200
and definitely no enemas.
183
00:14:13,200 --> 00:14:14,100
Agreed.
184
00:14:19,200 --> 00:14:20,300
Here we go.
185
00:14:20,600 --> 00:14:23,200
Ten-and-a-half hours of ape-y goodness.
186
00:14:26,200 --> 00:14:27,900
Damn it, my glasses.
187
00:14:29,200 --> 00:14:31,800
Okay, I'm blind here, guys.
Can you help me find them?

188
00:14:31,900 --> 00:14:33,300
- Sorry.
- Okay.
189
00:14:36,900 --> 00:14:38,000
Found them.
190
00:14:40,000 --> 00:14:40,900
Oh, great.
191
00:14:41,200 --> 00:14:42,900
I'm sorry.
Don't you have a spare?
192
00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:44,000
Yeah, at home.
193
00:14:44,100 --> 00:14:45,200
If you leave now,
194
00:14:45,400 --> 00:14:49,100
you can be back before the gorillas
rip the crap out of Charlton Heston.

195
00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:51,700
Unless Sheldon's there,
in which case, you'll be trapped forever
196
00:14:51,800 --> 00:14:54,200
in his whiny, hyper-neurotic snot web.
197
00:15:02,600 --> 00:15:03,800
Hi. Penny?
198
00:15:04,400 --> 00:15:07,400
I was just wondering,
is Sheldon still at the restaurant?
199
00:15:09,500 --> 00:15:12,400
Okay, that was very nice of you.
Okay, I gotta go.
200
00:15:12,500 --> 00:15:15,500
Got kind of a full-blown
Chernobyl thing here. Gotta go, bye.
201
00:15:16,700 --> 00:15:18,100
He's home.
I'm screwed.
202
00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:23,800
Ten-and-a-half hours
of ape-y blurriness.
203
00:15:25,400 --> 00:15:26,700
How about Lasik?
204
00:15:28,500 --> 00:15:30,400
You want me to get eye surgery?
205
00:15:30,600 --> 00:15:32,800
Would you rather go home
and deal with Sheldon,
206
00:15:32,900 --> 00:15:35,700
or have a stranger carve out
your corneas with a laser beam?
207
00:15:38,100 --> 00:15:39,900
- Well?
- I'm thinking.
208
00:15:42,100 --> 00:15:44,700
Okay, nice and cozy.
209
00:15:45,200 --> 00:15:46,900
Okay? I'll see you later.
210
00:15:47,100 --> 00:15:47,900
Wait.
211
00:15:49,100 --> 00:15:51,500
Will you please
rub this on my chest?
212
00:15:53,300 --> 00:15:55,200
Sheldon,
can't you do that yourself?
213
00:15:55,400 --> 00:15:58,000
VapoRub makes
my hands smell funny.
214
00:15:59,400 --> 00:16:02,200
- But, Sheldon...
- Please, please, please?

215
00:16:06,900 --> 00:16:08,600
I can't believe I'm doing this.
216
00:16:14,700 --> 00:16:17,900
No, no. Counterclockwise,
or my chest hair mats.
217
00:16:20,800 --> 00:16:21,800
Sorry.
218
00:16:27,100 --> 00:16:29,100
Can you sing "Soft Kitty"?
219
00:16:31,500 --> 00:16:32,400
What?
220
00:16:32,700 --> 00:16:35,000
My Mom used to sing it
to me when I was sick.
221
00:16:35,500 --> 00:16:38,200
- Oh, sorry, honey. I don't know it.
- I'll teach you.

222
00:16:39,900 --> 00:16:43,500
Soft kitty, warm kitty,
223
00:16:43,600 --> 00:16:45,600
Little ball of fur
224
00:16:48,300 --> 00:16:51,700
Happy kitty, sleepy kitty,
225
00:16:51,900 --> 00:16:54,500
purr, purr, purr
226
00:16:57,600 --> 00:16:58,400
Now you.
227
00:17:04,600 --> 00:17:06,700
Soft kitty,
228
00:17:06,800 --> 00:17:09,000
Warm kitty...
229
00:17:10,500 --> 00:17:13,300

230
00:17:14,100 --> 00:17:15,300
Keep rubbing.
231
00:17:17,400 --> 00:17:20,000
232
00:17:34,800 --> 00:17:36,700
What do you see? I can't.
233
00:17:36,800 --> 00:17:38,500
The living room appears to be empty.
234
00:17:38,600 --> 00:17:40,200
He must be in his bedroom.
235
00:17:40,400 --> 00:17:43,400
My spare glasses are in my bedroom,
on my dresser,
236
00:17:43,500 --> 00:17:45,000
next to my bat signal.
237
00:17:46,700 --> 00:17:48,000
I'm not going in there.
238
00:17:48,600 --> 00:17:50,100
- Raj?
- No way, Jose.
239
00:17:51,600 --> 00:17:53,700
But I can't do it.
I can't see anything.
240
00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:56,800
It's all right. Wireless minicam
and Bluetooth headset.
241
00:17:57,300 --> 00:17:59,100
We'll be your eyes.
242
00:18:00,200 --> 00:18:01,000
Fine.
243
00:18:01,500 --> 00:18:02,600
One more thing.
244
00:18:03,100 --> 00:18:06,400
This is a subsonic impact sensor.
245
00:18:07,500 --> 00:18:09,800
If Sheldon gets out of bed
and starts to walk,
246
00:18:09,900 --> 00:18:12,400
this device will register it
and send a signal to the laptop.
247
00:18:12,600 --> 00:18:14,900
At that point,
based on the geography of the apartment
248
00:18:15,000 --> 00:18:16,800
and the ambulatory speed
of a sick Sheldon,
249
00:18:16,900 --> 00:18:20,000
you'll have 7 seconds to get out,
glasses or no glasses.
250
00:18:20,300 --> 00:18:22,000
Won't my footsteps set it off?

251
00:18:22,300 --> 00:18:24,700
No. You'll be on
your hands and knees.
252
00:18:24,800 --> 00:18:27,500
You'll need to get the sensor
as close as you can to Sheldon's room.
253
00:18:27,800 --> 00:18:30,400
How do I carry it
if I'm on my hands and knees?
254
00:18:35,700 --> 00:18:36,700
Stay low.
255
00:18:37,800 --> 00:18:38,700
Bear left.
256
00:18:39,700 --> 00:18:41,300
- Now keep true.
- What?
257
00:18:41,500 --> 00:18:44,700

- It means "go straight."
- Then just say, "Go straight."
258
00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:46,500
You don't say, "Go straight."
259
00:18:46,700 --> 00:18:49,000
When you're giving bearings,
you say, "Keep true."
260
00:18:49,800 --> 00:18:50,900
All right.
261
00:18:54,900 --> 00:18:56,500
I just hit my head.
262
00:18:57,000 --> 00:18:59,100
Because you didn't keep true.
263
00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:03,300
Okay, turn right.
264
00:19:04,900 --> 00:19:06,500
The picture's breaking up.

265
00:19:06,900 --> 00:19:08,500
Angle your head to the right.
266
00:19:09,800 --> 00:19:11,200
Now, a little more.
267
00:19:11,900 --> 00:19:12,900
Little more.
268
00:19:13,900 --> 00:19:16,000
That's it.
Now, just keep true.
269
00:19:19,400 --> 00:19:22,800
You're close enough to Sheldon's room.
Deploy the sensor.
270
00:19:24,400 --> 00:19:25,800
Now, turn it on.
271
00:19:26,300 --> 00:19:27,700
It wasn't on?
272
00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:30,800
Then why did I have to crawl?
273
00:19:32,400 --> 00:19:33,900
No, I guess you didn't.
274
00:19:37,700 --> 00:19:38,900
Okay, it's on.
275
00:19:39,000 --> 00:19:42,000
Good. From this point forward,
you will have to crawl.
276
00:19:43,800 --> 00:19:45,000
I know.
277
00:19:48,800 --> 00:19:51,700
Hang on, the sensor's picking up
something. Turn your head back.
278
00:19:58,400 --> 00:19:59,700
You rat bastard.
279
00:20:02,200 --> 00:20:04,100
Told you the sensor would work.
280
00:20:07,000 --> 00:20:09,100
You deliberately stuck me
with Sheldon.
281
00:20:09,200 --> 00:20:11,900
Come on, I had to.
You see what he's like?
282
00:20:12,600 --> 00:20:14,200
Penny, I'm hungry.
283
00:20:14,800 --> 00:20:17,600
It's okay, sweetie.
Good news! Leonard's home!
284
00:20:18,600 --> 00:20:20,100
Here you go.
Good luck. Bye.
285
00:20:21,400 --> 00:20:23,400
Leonard! I'm hungry!

286
00:20:23,700 --> 00:20:25,500
Penny, take me with you!
287
00:20:35,800 --> 00:20:37,300
I want grilled cheese.
288
00:20:54,800 --> 00:20:57,800
Do you think Penny will come here
and take care of us?
289
00:20:59,300 --> 00:21:01,900
I don't think Penny's
ever coming here again.
290
00:21:05,400 --> 00:21:07,200
I'm very congested.
291
00:21:09,500 --> 00:21:10,700
Yeah? So?
292
00:21:11,200 --> 00:21:12,700
Could you go to the kitchen
293
00:21:12,800 --> 00:21:15,600
and get me the turkey baster
labeled "mucous"?
294
00:21:19,200 --> 00:21:21,200
If I stand, I'll vomit.
295
00:21:22,700 --> 00:21:25,100
Under the sink,
yellow Tupper Ware bowl.
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
10000
00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:13,000

The Big Bang Theory - 1x12 - The Jerusalem Duality
00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,000
00:00:05,046 --> 00:00:07,404
Here's the problem with teleportation.
00:00:10,915 --> 00:00:12,164
Lay it on me.
00:00:12,801 --> 00:00:15,699
Assuming a device could be invented
which would identify
00:00:15,819 --> 00:00:18,438
the quantum state of matter
of an individual in one location
00:00:18,599 --> 00:00:21,688
and transmit that pattern to a
distant location for reassembly,
00:00:21,808 --> 00:00:23,859

you would not have transported
the individual.
00:00:24,020 --> 00:00:26,284
You would have destroyed him
in one location
00:00:26,404 --> 00:00:28,373
and recreated him in another.
00:00:30,310 --> 00:00:31,562
How about that.
10
00:00:33,154 --> 00:00:35,154
Personally,
I would never use a transporter,
11
00:00:35,274 --> 00:00:37,833
because the original Sheldon
would have to be disintegrated
12
00:00:37,953 --> 00:00:39,954
in order to create a new Sheldon.
13
00:00:41,163 --> 00:00:44,864
Would the new Sheldon be in any way
an improvement on the old Sheldon?
14
00:00:46,076 --> 00:00:48,112
No, he would be exactly the same.
15
00:00:48,461 --> 00:00:49,901
That is a problem.
16
00:00:50,673 --> 00:00:51,763
So you see it too.
17
00:00:52,903 --> 00:00:54,849
Dr. Hofstadter. Dr. Cooper.
18
00:00:55,059 --> 00:00:56,225
Dr. Gablehauser.
19
00:00:56,533 --> 00:00:58,727
Gentlemen, I'd like
you to meet Dennis Kim.
20
00:00:59,123 --> 00:01:01,822

Dennis is a highly sought-after
doctoral candidate,
21
00:01:01,942 --> 00:01:04,066
and we're hoping
he'll do his graduate work here.
22
00:01:04,227 --> 00:01:07,789
- Graduate work. Very impressive.
- And he's only 15 years old.
23
00:01:07,909 --> 00:01:11,347
Not bad... I, myself,
started graduate school at 14.
24
00:01:11,752 --> 00:01:15,203
Well, I lost a year while my family
was tunneling out of North Korea.
25
00:01:17,748 --> 00:01:19,135
Advantage: Kim.
26
00:01:20,959 --> 00:01:23,249
I thought maybe you boys
could show Dennis around.

27
00:01:23,369 --> 00:01:26,585
Let him see why we're the best physics
research facility in the country.
28
00:01:26,705 --> 00:01:28,050
I already know you're not.
29
00:01:28,170 --> 00:01:31,379
You don't have an Open Science Grid
computer or a free electron laser.
30
00:01:31,499 --> 00:01:34,389
The string theory research being done
here is nothing but a dead end.
31
00:01:34,550 --> 00:01:37,953
Excuse me, that is my research,
and it is by no means a dead end.
32
00:01:38,471 --> 00:01:41,061
Obviously you don't see it yet,
but trust me, you will.
33
00:01:43,954 --> 00:01:45,688
Dennis, we've discussed this.
34
00:01:45,808 --> 00:01:47,985
We're in the process
of updating our equipment,
35
00:01:48,146 --> 00:01:50,321
and we welcome your input
on our research goals.
36
00:01:50,483 --> 00:01:51,986
We've agreed to look the other way
37
00:01:52,106 --> 00:01:54,378
if you use up to 20%
of the grant money you attract
38
00:01:54,498 --> 00:01:56,578
to smuggle your grandfather
out of Pyongyang.
39
00:01:58,332 --> 00:02:00,257
We want him here, boys.

40
00:02:00,700 --> 00:02:02,378
- Make it happen.
- Yes, sir.
41
00:02:02,498 --> 00:02:04,285
You can count on us.
We're on it.
42
00:02:04,405 --> 00:02:06,504
What the hell do you mean, "dead end"?
43
00:02:07,097 --> 00:02:10,047
I mean, the whole landscape
of false vacuums in string theory
44
00:02:10,167 --> 00:02:13,454
could be as large as 10
to the 500th power. In addition...
45
00:02:13,829 --> 00:02:15,095
Look, chocolate milk.
46
00:02:18,248 --> 00:02:20,595
I sense a disturbance in the Force.

47
00:02:21,382 --> 00:02:23,883
A bad feeling I have about this.
48
00:02:44,500 --> 00:02:47,600
The Jerusalem Duality
00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:52,100
Dennis, how long
have you been in America?
00:02:52,300 --> 00:02:53,900
- A year and a half.
- No kidding.
00:02:54,000 --> 00:02:56,800
- You speak English really well.
- So do you.
00:02:57,600 --> 00:03:00,800
Except for your tendency
to end sentences with prepositions.
5
00:03:02,300 --> 00:03:04,200
What are you talking about?
00:03:05,500 --> 00:03:06,400
That.
00:03:07,700 --> 00:03:09,000
He's not wrong.
00:03:10,200 --> 00:03:12,300
All right... And this is my office.
00:03:12,500 --> 00:03:14,900
- Is this part of the tour?
- Nope. Goodbye.
10
00:03:15,800 --> 00:03:18,000
Sheldon,
we've hardly shown him anything.
11
00:03:18,200 --> 00:03:21,000
All right. This is my desk.
12
00:03:21,200 --> 00:03:24,800

These are my books; this is my door.
Please close it behind you. Goodbye.
13
00:03:27,200 --> 00:03:29,500
Looks like you're doing work
in quantum loop corrections.
14
00:03:29,700 --> 00:03:31,500
Keen observation. Goodbye.
15
00:03:32,300 --> 00:03:34,800
You see where you went wrong, don't you?
16
00:03:38,400 --> 00:03:39,300
Get him out.
17
00:03:40,100 --> 00:03:43,200
Come on. I'll show you the rec center.
They've got Nautilus equipment.
18
00:03:43,500 --> 00:03:45,100
Do I look like I lift weights?
19
00:03:46,300 --> 00:03:47,700

Not heavy ones.
20
00:03:49,000 --> 00:03:50,800
It's startling you haven't considered
21
00:03:50,900 --> 00:03:53,600
a Lorentz invariant
or field theory approach.
22
00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:55,400
You think I haven't considered it?
23
00:03:55,500 --> 00:03:57,600
You really think
I haven't considered it?
24
00:03:57,700 --> 00:03:59,200
Have you considered it?
25
00:04:00,500 --> 00:04:02,800
- Get him out, Leonard.
- Come on, Dennis.
26
00:04:02,900 --> 00:04:04,800

I'll show you the radiation lab.
27
00:04:06,100 --> 00:04:08,000
You won the Stevenson Award?
28
00:04:08,500 --> 00:04:12,100
Yes. In fact, I am
the youngest person ever to win it.
29
00:04:12,800 --> 00:04:14,700
Really? How old?
30
00:04:14,900 --> 00:04:16,300
Fourteen and a half.
31
00:04:16,400 --> 00:04:18,500
You were the youngest person
ever to win it.
32
00:04:22,300 --> 00:04:24,800
It's like looking into an obnoxious
little mirror, isn't it?
33
00:04:30,100 --> 00:04:32,100

This is really delicious, isn't it?
34
00:04:35,900 --> 00:04:38,500
Still can't talk to me
unless you're drunk, huh?
35
00:04:40,900 --> 00:04:43,100
Sweetie, you are so damaged.
36
00:04:45,400 --> 00:04:47,300
Hey, I'm damaged, too.
37
00:04:48,200 --> 00:04:49,900
How about a hug for Howie?
38
00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:52,700
Sure. Raj, hug Howard.
39
00:04:58,000 --> 00:04:59,600
Something you'd like to share?
40
00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:02,700
A tale of woe, perhaps?

41
00:05:03,700 --> 00:05:04,800
15 years old.
42
00:05:05,200 --> 00:05:08,800
Dennis Kim is 15 years old,
and he's already correcting my work.
43
00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:12,500
Today, I went from being
Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, to...
44
00:05:13,100 --> 00:05:15,700
- You know, that other guy.
- Antonio Salieri?
45
00:05:16,800 --> 00:05:19,200
Oh God, now even you
are smarter than me.
46
00:05:20,500 --> 00:05:22,600
You know, you don't have so many friends
47
00:05:22,700 --> 00:05:24,800
that you can afford to

start insulting them.
48
00:05:25,900 --> 00:05:27,800
Just eat, Sheldon, you'll feel better.
49
00:05:28,000 --> 00:05:29,400
Why waste food?
50
00:05:29,600 --> 00:05:32,400
In Texas, when a cow goes dry,
they don't keep feeding it, they just...
51
00:05:32,600 --> 00:05:35,300
take her out and shoot
her between the eyes.
52
00:05:35,800 --> 00:05:38,500
I'm confused.
Did Sheldon stop giving milk?
53
00:05:40,300 --> 00:05:42,200
You can't let this kid get to you.
54
00:05:42,300 --> 00:05:45,800

You always knew that someday someone
younger and smarter would come along.
55
00:05:45,900 --> 00:05:48,700
Yes, but I assumed I would've
been dead hundreds of years
56
00:05:48,800 --> 00:05:52,100
and that there'd be an asterisk
by his name because he'd be a cyborg.
57
00:05:53,700 --> 00:05:57,100
So you've got a little competition.
I really don't see what the big deal is.
58
00:05:57,200 --> 00:06:00,200
Of course you don't.
You've never excelled at anything.
59
00:06:02,300 --> 00:06:05,900
I don't understand exactly how did
he get any friends in the first place?
60
00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:08,300
We liked Leonard.
61
00:06:10,500 --> 00:06:12,500
What are you gonna do, just give up?
62
00:06:14,300 --> 00:06:16,900
It's what a rational person does
when his entire life's work
63
00:06:17,000 --> 00:06:20,200
is invalidated
by a postpubescent Asian wunderkind.
64
00:06:21,500 --> 00:06:23,300
He ceases his fruitless efforts,
65
00:06:23,400 --> 00:06:25,900
he donates his body
to scientific research,
66
00:06:26,200 --> 00:06:27,600
and he waits to die.
67
00:06:29,700 --> 00:06:31,500
I'm confused again.

Is he waiting,
68
00:06:31,600 --> 00:06:34,100
or do we get to shoot
him between the eyes?
69
00:06:39,200 --> 00:06:42,200
I've decided you're right.
My career is not over.
70
00:06:42,400 --> 00:06:43,400
Great!
71
00:06:43,600 --> 00:06:46,200
Since the arrival of Dennis Kim
has rendered my research pointless,
72
00:06:46,400 --> 00:06:48,700
I just have to find something else
to focus on.
73
00:06:49,100 --> 00:06:50,000
Great!
74
00:06:50,200 --> 00:06:52,800
So I've decided.
I'm going to collaborate with you.
75
00:06:56,000 --> 00:06:56,900
Great.
76
00:06:57,700 --> 00:06:59,500
So what exactly is it you do?
77
00:07:00,800 --> 00:07:04,600
You chatter on about it all the time,
but I've never really paid attention.
78
00:07:05,500 --> 00:07:07,800
Right now, I'm designing an experiment
79
00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:10,300
to study the soft component
of cosmic radiation at see level,
80
00:07:10,500 --> 00:07:13,500
- but I really don't need any help.
- Sure you do.

81
00:07:14,300 --> 00:07:17,100
See, what's this here in the schematic?
Is that a laser array?
82
00:07:17,200 --> 00:07:18,600
- Yes.
- Now...
83
00:07:22,100 --> 00:07:25,100
What happens if you use argon lasers
instead of helium-neon?
84
00:07:25,600 --> 00:07:27,600
- It would blow up.
- Are you sure?
85
00:07:28,100 --> 00:07:29,200
Pretty sure.
86
00:07:29,300 --> 00:07:31,100
"Pretty sure" is not very scientific.
87
00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:34,500
Is this how you normally work?

Just hunches and guesses and stuff?
88
00:07:36,900 --> 00:07:39,800
I understand that you're going
through a bit of a career cris,
89
00:07:39,900 --> 00:07:42,000
you're searching for some other area
90
00:07:42,200 --> 00:07:44,100
where you can feel
valuable and productive,
91
00:07:44,200 --> 00:07:46,700
but I need to tell you something.
I want you to listen carefully.
92
00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:49,200
- All right.
- Go away.
93
00:07:52,100 --> 00:07:54,300
If you're concerned about
sharing credit with me,

94
00:07:54,500 --> 00:07:56,600
your name can go first...
I'm going.
95
00:08:01,000 --> 00:08:03,500
It's a small, brown paper bag, Ma!
96
00:08:03,700 --> 00:08:05,400
I'm looking in it right now.
97
00:08:06,800 --> 00:08:10,100
Why would I make that up?
There's no Ding Dong in it.
98
00:08:13,300 --> 00:08:16,500
How are two Ding Dongs tomorrow
gonna help me today?
99
00:08:18,800 --> 00:08:19,700
So...
100
00:08:20,300 --> 00:08:21,800
This is Engineering, huh?

101
00:08:22,200 --> 00:08:23,800
I'll talk to you later.
102
00:08:24,300 --> 00:08:25,500
Engineering.
103
00:08:25,600 --> 00:08:27,600
Where the noble semiskilled laborers
104
00:08:27,700 --> 00:08:30,100
execute the vision
of those who think and dream.
105
00:08:31,300 --> 00:08:33,300
Hello, Oompa-Loompas of science.
106
00:08:35,800 --> 00:08:37,700
Sheldon, what are you doing here?
107
00:08:38,300 --> 00:08:40,100
I just came by to say hello.
108
00:08:40,300 --> 00:08:43,000

I've been in this lab for 3 years.
You've never come by to say hello.
109
00:08:43,100 --> 00:08:45,600
Up until now,
I've had better things to do.
110
00:08:47,100 --> 00:08:49,000
So, what are we making today?
111
00:08:49,100 --> 00:08:51,100
A small payload support structure
112
00:08:51,300 --> 00:08:53,400
for a European science
experimental package
113
00:08:53,500 --> 00:08:57,100
- that's going up on a space shuttle.
- Really? How does it work?
114
00:08:57,200 --> 00:08:59,500
When this is done, it will be
attached to the payload bay,

115
00:08:59,600 --> 00:09:02,200
and the sensor apparatus
will rest on it.
116
00:09:05,100 --> 00:09:06,500
So, it's a shelf.
117
00:09:10,600 --> 00:09:12,700
No, you don't understand.
During acceleration,
118
00:09:12,900 --> 00:09:15,200
it needs to stay perfectly level
and provide...
119
00:09:15,400 --> 00:09:16,700
Yeah, it's a shelf.
120
00:09:17,600 --> 00:09:19,300
I notice you're using titanium.
121
00:09:19,400 --> 00:09:21,800
Did you give any consideration
to carbon nanotubes?
122
00:09:21,900 --> 00:09:25,400
They're lighter, cheaper,
and have twice the tensile strength.
123
00:09:26,100 --> 00:09:27,800
There's a diploma in my office
124
00:09:27,900 --> 00:09:30,400
that says I have a
master's in engineering.
125
00:09:30,600 --> 00:09:34,400
You also have a note from your mother
that says, "I love you, Bubula."
126
00:09:36,700 --> 00:09:40,100
But neither of those is a cogent
argument for titanium over nanotubes.
127
00:09:42,300 --> 00:09:43,800
Go away!
128
00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:46,600

Did Leonard tell you to say that?
129
00:09:47,200 --> 00:09:48,900
No, I thought of it all by myself.
130
00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:53,900
That can't be a coincidence.
131
00:09:54,300 --> 00:09:56,900
There must be
some causal link I'm missing.
132
00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:01,600
Go away!
133
00:10:10,400 --> 00:10:12,300
Curiouser and curiouser.
00:10:17,800 --> 00:10:20,200
- Is he here?
- If he were, I wouldn't be.
00:10:21,300 --> 00:10:24,000
Do you know what he did?

He watched me work for 10 min,
00:10:24,100 --> 00:10:28,100
and then started to design a simple
piece of software that could replace me.
00:10:29,400 --> 00:10:30,800
Is that even possible?
00:10:31,100 --> 00:10:32,700
As it turns out, yes.
00:10:34,500 --> 00:10:36,400
Something's got to be done about him.
00:10:36,600 --> 00:10:39,100
Like what? He'll never be
able to cope with the fact
00:10:39,200 --> 00:10:42,400
that some 15-year-old kid is smarter
and more accomplished than he is.
00:10:43,200 --> 00:10:45,100

What if something happened to this boy
10
00:10:45,200 --> 00:10:47,200
so he was no longer a threat to Sheldon?
11
00:10:48,900 --> 00:10:50,800
Then our problem would be solved.
12
00:10:51,800 --> 00:10:54,600
Hang on, are we talking
about murdering Dennis Kim?
13
00:10:56,000 --> 00:10:57,300
I'm not saying no.
14
00:10:58,400 --> 00:11:01,600
We don't have to go that far.
There are other means available.
15
00:11:01,700 --> 00:11:03,900
We can't send him back to North Korea.
16
00:11:04,400 --> 00:11:06,000
He knows how to get out.

17
00:11:08,100 --> 00:11:11,400
The only thing we need to do
is make this Kim kid lose his focus.
18
00:11:11,500 --> 00:11:14,400
Won't happen. He is not interested
in anything but physics.
19
00:11:14,600 --> 00:11:16,300
- What about biology?
- What?
20
00:11:16,400 --> 00:11:18,100
You know, biology.
21
00:11:19,700 --> 00:11:22,900
The one thing that can completely
derail a world-class mind.
22
00:11:23,300 --> 00:11:24,100
He's 15.
23
00:11:24,400 --> 00:11:27,000

Yeah, so? When I was 15,
I met Denise Palmeri
24
00:11:27,200 --> 00:11:30,200
and my grade point average
fell from a 5.0 to a 1.8.
25
00:11:31,200 --> 00:11:32,700
She was sleeping with you?
26
00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:34,200
No, I just...
27
00:11:34,500 --> 00:11:37,500
wasted a lot of time thinking
about what it would be like if she did.
28
00:11:39,000 --> 00:11:41,000
Oh, good, you're all here.
29
00:11:41,100 --> 00:11:43,000
Look, if the three of you drop
30
00:11:43,100 --> 00:11:45,100

whatever it is you're working on
and join me,
31
00:11:45,200 --> 00:11:48,900
we could lick cold fusion in less
than a decade. 12 years, tops.
32
00:11:51,800 --> 00:11:52,700
Go away?
33
00:11:57,100 --> 00:11:58,300
Could it be me?
34
00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:03,200
What's up?
35
00:12:03,400 --> 00:12:06,800
We need a hot 15-year-old Asian girl
with a thing for smart guys.
36
00:12:07,600 --> 00:12:08,400
What?
37
00:12:08,500 --> 00:12:11,900

Howard, that's racist.
Any 15-year-old girl will do the trick.
38
00:12:18,700 --> 00:12:21,400
It's possible she may have
misunderstood us.
39
00:12:27,700 --> 00:12:29,700
Dr. Cooper.
Are we interrupting?
40
00:12:29,900 --> 00:12:32,400
No, please come in.
I think you'll appreciate this.
41
00:12:32,500 --> 00:12:33,900
This is very exciting.
42
00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:36,200
- What are you working on?
- Something remarkable.
43
00:12:36,300 --> 00:12:38,800
Since my prospects for the Nobel prize
in physics have disappeared

44
00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:40,600
thank you very much,
45
00:12:40,700 --> 00:12:43,000
I've decided to refocus my efforts
46
00:12:43,100 --> 00:12:45,600
and use my people skills
to win the Nobel peace prize.
47
00:12:46,600 --> 00:12:48,200
I will solve
the Middle East crisis
48
00:12:48,500 --> 00:12:50,600
by building an exact replica
of Jerusalem
49
00:12:50,800 --> 00:12:53,000
in the middle of the Mexican desert.
50
00:12:53,900 --> 00:12:54,900
To what end?
51
00:12:55,200 --> 00:12:56,900
It's like the baseball movie.
52
00:12:57,000 --> 00:12:58,900
"Build it and they will come."
53
00:13:00,300 --> 00:13:01,300
Who will come?
54
00:13:01,600 --> 00:13:02,900
The Jewish people.
55
00:13:03,700 --> 00:13:06,800
- What if they don't come?
- We'll make it nice, put out a spread.
56
00:13:08,400 --> 00:13:10,500
Okay, well, speaking of spreads,
57
00:13:10,600 --> 00:13:13,500
we're having a small welcoming party
this afternoon for Mr. Kim

58
00:13:13,600 --> 00:13:16,000
who's agreed to join us here
at the university.
59
00:13:16,100 --> 00:13:17,500
Of course he has.
60
00:13:17,600 --> 00:13:20,400
The Oracle told us
little Neo was the one.
61
00:13:22,900 --> 00:13:25,000
You can see the matrix, can't you?
62
00:13:25,800 --> 00:13:29,000
Well, obviously you're very busy
with your...
63
00:13:29,700 --> 00:13:30,900
Come, Dennis.
64
00:13:32,500 --> 00:13:35,900
You'll have to excuse Dr. Cooper.
He's been under a lot of...

65
00:13:36,500 --> 00:13:37,700
He's nuts.
66
00:13:44,800 --> 00:13:48,000
They'll come, they'll settle,
and I'll win the prize.
67
00:13:49,900 --> 00:13:52,700
I really don't understand
your objections, professor Goldfarb.
68
00:13:52,900 --> 00:13:56,500
Why wouldn't the Sonora desert
make a perfectly good promised land?
69
00:13:57,400 --> 00:13:58,400
Go away.
70
00:14:00,200 --> 00:14:02,600
We could call it Nuevo Jerusalem.
71
00:14:03,700 --> 00:14:05,100
Please go away.
72
00:14:06,300 --> 00:14:08,000
Said Pharaoh to Moses.
73
00:14:09,800 --> 00:14:11,600
Why are all these young women here?
74
00:14:11,700 --> 00:14:13,500
It's Take Your Daughter To Work Day.
75
00:14:14,200 --> 00:14:16,000
Really?
I was not aware of that.
76
00:14:16,400 --> 00:14:18,500
Yes. There was a very official e-mail
77
00:14:18,600 --> 00:14:21,200
sent to everyone
whose insurance files indicated
78
00:14:21,300 --> 00:14:23,900
they had daughters between
the ages of 14 and 16.

79
00:14:25,500 --> 00:14:26,900
- Smooth.
- Thank you.
80
00:14:29,000 --> 00:14:30,800
There's the man of the hour.
81
00:14:32,500 --> 00:14:34,900
Okay, so we now have
a socially-awkward genius
82
00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:37,300
in a room full of attractive,
age-appropriate women.
83
00:14:37,500 --> 00:14:39,800
All he has to do now is
hook up with one of them.
84
00:14:47,900 --> 00:14:50,100
Anyone else see the flaw in this plan?
85
00:14:51,800 --> 00:14:54,100

- We need a social catalyst.
- Like what?
86
00:14:54,200 --> 00:14:56,400
We can't get 15-year-old girls drunk.
87
00:14:57,400 --> 00:14:59,100
- Or can we?
- No, we can't.
88
00:15:00,300 --> 00:15:03,300
I don't think you mean "we can't."
I think you mean "we shouldn't."
89
00:15:04,600 --> 00:15:07,700
You're a Jew.
If there was another Wailing Wall
90
00:15:08,000 --> 00:15:09,600
exactly like the one in Jerusalem
91
00:15:09,700 --> 00:15:12,200
but close to taco stands
and cheap prescription drugs,

92
00:15:12,300 --> 00:15:14,100
would you still be able to wail at it?
93
00:15:16,500 --> 00:15:18,300
Okay, it's definitely me.
94
00:15:20,900 --> 00:15:23,400
We cannot leave this to chance.
Let's pick a girl
95
00:15:23,500 --> 00:15:26,400
and figure out how to get her
together with Dennis.
96
00:15:27,000 --> 00:15:28,300
How about that one?
97
00:15:29,100 --> 00:15:30,200
I know the type.
98
00:15:30,300 --> 00:15:32,500
Cheerleader, student council,
goes out with the jocks,

99
00:15:32,700 --> 00:15:34,800
won't even look at anybody
in the gifted program.
100
00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:37,200
If after 2 years of begging,
she agrees to go out with you,
101
00:15:37,300 --> 00:15:40,200
it turns out to be a setup and you're
in your mom's car with your pants off
102
00:15:40,300 --> 00:15:42,300
while the whole football team
laughs at y...
103
00:15:45,400 --> 00:15:48,000
- Are you crying?
- No, I have allergies.
104
00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:50,900
Okay...
105
00:15:51,600 --> 00:15:52,600

How about her?
106
00:15:54,200 --> 00:15:56,000
Sure, if he wants to spend two years
107
00:15:56,100 --> 00:15:58,700
doing her homework
while she drinks herself into a stupor
108
00:15:58,800 --> 00:16:00,300
with nonfat White Russians.
109
00:16:00,400 --> 00:16:02,900
You're holding her head
out of the toilet while she's puking
110
00:16:03,000 --> 00:16:05,100
and telling you she wishes
"more guys were like you."
111
00:16:05,200 --> 00:16:07,300
Then she gets into Cornell
because you wrote her essay
112
00:16:07,500 --> 00:16:09,500
for her and you drive up
to visit her one weekend
113
00:16:09,700 --> 00:16:11,700
and she acts
like she doesn't even know you.
114
00:16:14,700 --> 00:16:16,200
Okay, so not her, either.
115
00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:19,100
How about her?
116
00:16:19,800 --> 00:16:21,200
Interesting,
kind of pretty,
117
00:16:21,400 --> 00:16:23,700
a little chubby,
so probably low self-esteem.
118
00:16:23,800 --> 00:16:26,400
I think that's our girl.
One of us should go talk to her.

119
00:16:26,600 --> 00:16:28,400
I can't talk to her... you do it.
120
00:16:28,500 --> 00:16:31,800
I can't just go up and talk to her.
Howard, you talk to her.
121
00:16:32,900 --> 00:16:36,000
She'll never go for the kid
once she gets a peek at this.
122
00:16:38,500 --> 00:16:40,100
In India, this would be simpler.
123
00:16:40,300 --> 00:16:43,400
5 min with her dad, 20 goats
and a laptop, and we'd be done.
124
00:16:44,200 --> 00:16:47,300
- We're not in India.
- Why don't we do it your way then?
125
00:16:47,500 --> 00:16:50,100

We'll arrange for this girl
to move in across the hall from Dennis
126
00:16:50,300 --> 00:16:52,800
so he can pathetically
moon over her for months on end.
127
00:16:54,900 --> 00:16:57,600
- Okay, that was uncalled for.
- You started it, dude.
128
00:16:58,700 --> 00:17:00,800
Could I have everyone's
attention, please?
129
00:17:01,800 --> 00:17:04,700
What a wonderful occasion this is,
130
00:17:05,100 --> 00:17:07,100
and how fortunate
that it should happen to fall
131
00:17:07,300 --> 00:17:09,200
on Take Your Daughter to Work Day.

132
00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:13,800
We're here to welcome
Mr. Dennis Kim to our little family.
133
00:17:14,300 --> 00:17:15,700
Welcome, Dennis Kim.
134
00:17:17,400 --> 00:17:18,300
Mr. Kim
135
00:17:18,500 --> 00:17:21,400
was not only the valedictorian
at Stanford University,
136
00:17:21,600 --> 00:17:24,500
he is also the youngest recipient
137
00:17:24,700 --> 00:17:26,600
of the prestigious Stevenson Award.
138
00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:28,900
Youngest till the cyborgs rise up!
139
00:17:30,100 --> 00:17:32,100
And now, without any further ado,
140
00:17:32,200 --> 00:17:34,500
let me introduce
the man of the hour,
141
00:17:34,600 --> 00:17:36,300
Mr. Dennis Kim.
142
00:17:42,300 --> 00:17:43,100
What?!
143
00:17:44,900 --> 00:17:47,600
Would you like to tell us a little bit
about your upcoming research?
144
00:17:48,100 --> 00:17:50,400
No, thanks.
I'm going to the mall with Emma.
145
00:17:56,400 --> 00:17:57,800
The kid got a girl.
146
00:17:59,200 --> 00:18:00,300
Unbelievable.
147
00:18:01,100 --> 00:18:03,000
Did anyone see how he did it?
148
00:18:05,200 --> 00:18:06,600
Don't worry, I've got this.
149
00:18:07,100 --> 00:18:08,700
Ladies and gentlemen,
150
00:18:09,200 --> 00:18:10,600
honored daughters,
151
00:18:11,100 --> 00:18:14,400
while Mr. Kim,
by virtue of his youth and naivete,
152
00:18:14,500 --> 00:18:17,700
has fallen prey to the inexplicable need
for human contact,
153
00:18:17,800 --> 00:18:21,700

let me step in and assure you that
my research will go on uninterrupted,
154
00:18:21,800 --> 00:18:25,700
and that social relationships
will continue to baffle and repulse me.
155
00:18:27,600 --> 00:18:28,500
Thank you.
156
00:18:31,600 --> 00:18:33,600
- He's back.
- Mission accomplished.
157
00:18:33,900 --> 00:18:37,000
Forget the mission. How did
that little yutz get a girl on his own?
158
00:18:37,800 --> 00:18:40,100
I guess times have changed
since we were young.
159
00:18:40,300 --> 00:18:42,000
Smart is the new sexy.

160
00:18:43,100 --> 00:18:45,900
Then why do we go home
alone every night? We're still smart.
161
00:18:46,600 --> 00:18:48,100
Maybe we're too smart.
162
00:18:48,500 --> 00:18:50,000
So smart it's off-putting.
163
00:18:51,500 --> 00:18:53,100
Yeah, let's go with that.
00:18:58,100 --> 00:18:59,200
Unbelievable.
00:18:59,500 --> 00:19:02,100
Components I built
are on the International Space Station
00:19:02,300 --> 00:19:04,800
and I get a ticket for launching
a model rocket in the park.

4
00:19:04,900 --> 00:19:07,200
I don't know if the ticket was
so much for the launch
00:19:07,300 --> 00:19:09,300
as it was for you telling
the policewoman,
00:19:09,400 --> 00:19:12,300
"You have to frisk me.
I have another rocket in my pants."
00:19:13,000 --> 00:19:14,100
Look at that.
00:19:16,200 --> 00:19:17,400
It's Dennis Kim.
00:19:18,700 --> 00:19:20,500
I almost didn't recognize him.
10
00:19:21,200 --> 00:19:23,400
I kind of feel bad
about what we did to him.

11
00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:29,700
Yeah, we really ruined his life.
12
00:19:31,600 --> 00:19:33,200
Screw him...
He was weak.
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
10000
00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:13,000

The Big Bang Theory - 1x13 - The Bat Jar Conjecture
00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,000
00:00:01,065 --> 00:00:03,048
More details about
the new Star Trek film.
00:00:03,507 --> 00:00:06,897
There's going to be a scene
depicting Spock's birth.
00:00:07,545 --> 00:00:10,472
I'd be more interested in a scene
depicting Spock's conception.
00:00:11,841 --> 00:00:12,779
Oh, please.
00:00:12,899 --> 00:00:16,274
For Vulcans, mating...
or if you will, PonFahr...
6
00:00:17,489 --> 00:00:21,002
- it's an extremely private matter.
- Still, I'd like to know the details.
00:00:21,122 --> 00:00:23,047
His mother was human.
His father is Vulcan.
00:00:23,167 --> 00:00:25,832
- They couldn't just conceive.
- Maybe they had to go to a clinic.
00:00:25,952 --> 00:00:27,944
Can you imagine Spock's Dad
in a little room
10
00:00:28,064 --> 00:00:30,599
with a copy of
Pointy Ears and Shapely Rears.
11
00:00:32,264 --> 00:00:34,829
How come on Star Trek
everybody's private parts are the same?
12
00:00:35,712 --> 00:00:39,533

No alien lady ever told Captain Kirk,
"Hey, get your thing out of my nose."
13
00:00:42,511 --> 00:00:43,737
Hi. Can you help me?
14
00:00:43,857 --> 00:00:46,119
I was writing an e-mail
and the "A" key got stuck.
15
00:00:46,239 --> 00:00:47,960
Now it's just going "Aaa..."
16
00:00:49,087 --> 00:00:51,263
- What'd you spill on it?
- Nothing.
17
00:00:52,351 --> 00:00:53,305
Diet Coke.
18
00:00:55,155 --> 00:00:56,202
And yogurt.
19
00:00:56,912 --> 00:00:58,269

And a little nail polish.
20
00:00:58,431 --> 00:00:59,896
I'll take a look at it.
21
00:01:00,326 --> 00:01:03,130
Gentlemen,
switching to local nerd news...
22
00:01:03,457 --> 00:01:06,157
Fishman, Chen, Chaudury and McNair
aren't fielding a team
23
00:01:06,277 --> 00:01:08,154
in the university Physics Bowl
this year.
24
00:01:08,314 --> 00:01:09,655
You're kidding. Why not?
25
00:01:09,816 --> 00:01:12,252
They formed a barbershop quartet
and got a gig
26
00:01:12,372 --> 00:01:14,145
playing Knott's Berry Farm.
27
00:01:15,795 --> 00:01:17,234
So, in your world,
28
00:01:17,777 --> 00:01:19,462
you're like the cool guys.
29
00:01:20,726 --> 00:01:21,885
Recognize.
30
00:01:24,122 --> 00:01:26,321
This is our year.
With those guys out,
31
00:01:26,441 --> 00:01:28,549
the entire Physics Bowl
will kneel before Zod.
32
00:01:29,203 --> 00:01:30,047
Zod?
33
00:01:30,254 --> 00:01:31,886

Kryptonian villain. Long story.
34
00:01:32,046 --> 00:01:33,087
Good story.
35
00:01:36,718 --> 00:01:38,976
- Count me out.
- What? Why?
36
00:01:39,345 --> 00:01:42,355
You want me to use my intelligence
in a tawdry competition?
37
00:01:42,995 --> 00:01:45,388
Would you ask Picasso
to play Pictionary?
38
00:01:46,466 --> 00:01:48,896
Would you ask Noah Webster
to play Boggle?
39
00:01:49,858 --> 00:01:52,559
Would you ask Jacques Cousteau
to play Go Fish?
40
00:01:54,027 --> 00:01:57,040
Come on, you need a four-person team.
We're four people.
41
00:01:57,160 --> 00:02:00,288
By that reasoning we should also
play Bridge, hold up a chuppah
42
00:02:00,408 --> 00:02:02,838
and enter the Olympic
bobsled competition.
43
00:02:03,654 --> 00:02:05,253
Tickets to that, please.
44
00:02:06,331 --> 00:02:10,174
Sheldon, what, do I need to quote
Spock's dying words to you?
45
00:02:10,335 --> 00:02:11,468
No, don't.
46
00:02:12,417 --> 00:02:14,054
"The needs of the many...

47
00:02:14,214 --> 00:02:16,221
"... outweigh the needs of the few.
48
00:02:16,383 --> 00:02:17,445
"Or the one."
49
00:02:18,500 --> 00:02:19,937
Damn it, I'll do it.
50
00:02:41,200 --> 00:02:44,100
The Bat Jar Conjecture
00:02:47,200 --> 00:02:49,000
First order of Physics Bowl business.
00:02:49,700 --> 00:02:53,100
We need a truly kick-ass team name.
Suggestions?
00:02:53,500 --> 00:02:55,900
How about the Perpetual Motion Squad?

4
00:02:57,100 --> 00:03:00,900
It's beyond the laws of physics,
plus a little heads-up for the ladies.
00:03:01,700 --> 00:03:02,600
The ladies?
00:03:02,700 --> 00:03:05,800
"Perpetual Motion Squad...
we can go all night."
00:03:06,700 --> 00:03:08,500
- I like it.
- I don't.
00:03:09,000 --> 00:03:11,500
Teams are traditionally
named after fierce creatures,
00:03:11,600 --> 00:03:13,700
thus intimidating one's opponent.
10
00:03:13,800 --> 00:03:16,500
- Then we could be the Bengal tigers.

- Poor choice.
11
00:03:16,600 --> 00:03:18,700
Gram for gram,
no animal exceeds
12
00:03:18,800 --> 00:03:21,400
the relative fighting strength
of the army ant.
13
00:03:22,300 --> 00:03:23,300
Maybe so,
14
00:03:23,400 --> 00:03:26,500
but you can't incinerate a Bengal tiger
with a magnifying glass.
15
00:03:30,100 --> 00:03:32,100
Let's put it to a vote.
All those in favor...
16
00:03:32,200 --> 00:03:33,300
Point of order.
17
00:03:33,400 --> 00:03:35,900
I move that any vote on team names
must be unanimous.
18
00:03:36,000 --> 00:03:38,700
No man should be forced to emblazon
his chest with a Bengal tiger
19
00:03:38,800 --> 00:03:41,600
when common sense dictates
it should be an army ant.
20
00:03:42,400 --> 00:03:45,600
Will the gentleman from the great
State of Denial yield for a question?
21
00:03:46,400 --> 00:03:47,400
I will yield.
22
00:03:47,500 --> 00:03:50,400
After we go through the exercise
of an annoying series of votes,
23
00:03:50,500 --> 00:03:53,500
all of which the gentleman will lose,

does he then intend to threaten to quit
24
00:03:53,600 --> 00:03:55,500
- if he does not get his way?
- He does.
25
00:03:55,600 --> 00:03:58,000
I move we are the Army Ants.
All those in favor?
26
00:04:00,100 --> 00:04:03,600
Good afternoon, and welcome
to today's Physics Bowl practice round.
27
00:04:03,700 --> 00:04:05,400
I'm Penny,
and I'll be your host
28
00:04:05,500 --> 00:04:07,800
because apparently
I didn't have anything else to do
29
00:04:07,900 --> 00:04:11,200
on a Saturday afternoon,
and isn't that just a little sad?

30
00:04:13,200 --> 00:04:14,300
Gentlemen, ready?
31
00:04:14,500 --> 00:04:15,900
- Yes.
- Fire away.
32
00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:18,000
It's none of my business,
but isn't a guy
33
00:04:18,100 --> 00:04:20,800
who can't speak in front of women
gonna hold you back a little?
34
00:04:20,900 --> 00:04:23,400
He'll be okay once the women
are mixed into the crowd.
35
00:04:23,600 --> 00:04:26,800
He only has a problem
when they're one-on-one and smell nice.
36
00:04:27,600 --> 00:04:29,500
Thanks, Raj. It's vanilla oil.
37
00:04:29,900 --> 00:04:32,900
I was actually the one who noticed.
Okay, let's just start.
38
00:04:33,500 --> 00:04:36,300
Okay, the first question
is on the topic of optics.
39
00:04:36,400 --> 00:04:38,600
"What is the shortest
light pulse ever produced?"
40
00:04:39,500 --> 00:04:41,100
- Dr. Cooper.
- And of course,
41
00:04:41,200 --> 00:04:42,900
the answer is 130 attoseconds.
42
00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:45,100
- That is correct.
- I knew that, too.

43
00:04:45,900 --> 00:04:48,900
Good for you, sweetie.
Okay, next question:
44
00:04:49,000 --> 00:04:50,800
"What is the quantum mechanical effect
45
00:04:50,900 --> 00:04:53,000
"used to encode data
on hard-disk drives?"
46
00:04:54,700 --> 00:04:57,200
And of course the answer is
giant magnetoresistance.
47
00:04:57,400 --> 00:04:59,200
- Right.
- Hey, I buzzed in.
48
00:04:59,600 --> 00:05:01,800
And I answered.
It's called teamwork.
49
00:05:03,800 --> 00:05:06,300
Don't you think I should answer
the engineering questions?
50
00:05:06,400 --> 00:05:07,600
I am an engineer.
51
00:05:07,900 --> 00:05:10,400
By that logic I should answer
all the anthropology questions
52
00:05:10,500 --> 00:05:12,000
because I'm a mammal.
53
00:05:14,900 --> 00:05:16,200
Just ask another one.
54
00:05:17,700 --> 00:05:19,900
"What artificial satellite
has seen glimpses
55
00:05:20,000 --> 00:05:22,000
of Einstein's predicted
frame dragging?"
56
00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:25,300
And of course,
it's Gravity Probe B.
57
00:05:25,800 --> 00:05:28,400
Sheldon, you have to let
somebody else answer.
58
00:05:28,700 --> 00:05:29,400
Why?
59
00:05:29,700 --> 00:05:30,900
Because it's polite.
60
00:05:31,500 --> 00:05:33,500
What do manners
have to do with it?
61
00:05:33,600 --> 00:05:34,800
This is war.
62
00:05:35,700 --> 00:05:38,300
Were the Romans polite
when they salted the ground of Carthage

63
00:05:38,500 --> 00:05:40,500
to make sure
nothing would ever grow again?
64
00:05:41,400 --> 00:05:44,000
Leonard, you said
I only had to ask questions.
65
00:05:46,100 --> 00:05:48,600
The objective of the competion
is to give correct answers.
66
00:05:48,700 --> 00:05:50,700
If I know them,
why shouldn't I give them?
67
00:05:50,900 --> 00:05:53,400
Some of us might have
the correct answers, too.
68
00:05:53,600 --> 00:05:55,600
Oh, please.
You don't even have a PhD.

69
00:05:55,800 --> 00:05:58,000
- All right, that's it!
- Howard, sit down.
70
00:06:00,400 --> 00:06:03,400
- Maybe we should take a little break.
- Good idea. I need my wrist brace.
71
00:06:03,600 --> 00:06:06,700
All this button-pushing
is aggravating my old Nintendo injury.
72
00:06:08,200 --> 00:06:09,100
I agree.
73
00:06:09,400 --> 00:06:10,800
What did he say?
74
00:06:11,100 --> 00:06:12,500
He compared Sheldon
75
00:06:12,600 --> 00:06:15,700
to a disposable feminine
cleansing product
76
00:06:15,900 --> 00:06:18,000
one might use
on a summer's eve.
77
00:06:20,600 --> 00:06:22,300
Yeah, and the bag it came in.
78
00:06:26,900 --> 00:06:29,100
Leonard, excellent.
I want to show you something.
79
00:06:29,400 --> 00:06:31,100
Can it wait?
I need to talk to you.
80
00:06:31,300 --> 00:06:34,600
Just look. I've designed
the perfect uniforms for our team.
81
00:06:34,800 --> 00:06:37,100
The colors are based
on Star Trek: The Original Series.
82
00:06:37,400 --> 00:06:40,700
The three of you will wear Support Red,
and I will wear Command Gold.
83
00:06:42,700 --> 00:06:44,000
Why do they say "AA"?
84
00:06:44,700 --> 00:06:45,700
Army Ants.
85
00:06:47,200 --> 00:06:50,900
Isn't that confusing? "AA" might mean
something else to certain people.
86
00:06:52,000 --> 00:06:55,100
Why would a Physics Bowl team
be called Anodized Aluminum?
87
00:06:56,300 --> 00:06:57,400
No, I meant...
88
00:06:58,600 --> 00:06:59,600
Never mind.
89
00:07:00,700 --> 00:07:01,700
Check it out,
90
00:07:02,300 --> 00:07:05,200
I got you a Batman cookie jar.
91
00:07:05,600 --> 00:07:08,400
Oh, neat!
What's the occasion?
92
00:07:08,600 --> 00:07:11,000
Well, you're a friend,
and you like Batman
93
00:07:11,100 --> 00:07:13,300
and cookies,
and you're off the team.
94
00:07:17,100 --> 00:07:18,000
What?
95
00:07:18,400 --> 00:07:20,600
Howard, Raj and I
just had a team meeting.

96
00:07:20,800 --> 00:07:23,200
- No, you didn't.
- Yes, we did. I just came from there.
97
00:07:23,400 --> 00:07:25,500
Okay, I don't know
where you just came from,
98
00:07:25,600 --> 00:07:28,600
but it could'nt have been a team meeting
because I wasn't there.
99
00:07:28,800 --> 00:07:30,600
Ergo, the team did not meet.
100
00:07:31,500 --> 00:07:33,400
Okay, let me try it this way:
101
00:07:34,200 --> 00:07:37,100
I was at a coffee klatch
with a couple of friends,
102
00:07:37,300 --> 00:07:40,500
and one thing led to another,

and it turns out you're off the team.
103
00:07:41,800 --> 00:07:42,600
Why?
104
00:07:42,800 --> 00:07:44,900
Because you're taking
all the fun out of it.
105
00:07:45,300 --> 00:07:49,000
I'm sorry, is the winner of the Physics
Bowl the team that has the most fun?
106
00:07:49,300 --> 00:07:50,900
Okay, let me try it this way:
107
00:07:51,100 --> 00:07:54,300
You're annoying and no one
wants to play with you anymore.
108
00:07:56,600 --> 00:07:57,500
I see.
109
00:07:59,800 --> 00:08:02,000

At this point I should inform you
110
00:08:02,400 --> 00:08:04,700
that I intend to form my own team
111
00:08:04,800 --> 00:08:08,200
and destroy the molecular bonds
that bind your very matter together
112
00:08:08,300 --> 00:08:11,300
and reduce the resulting
particulate chaos to tears.
113
00:08:14,100 --> 00:08:15,700
Thanks for the heads-up.
114
00:08:16,500 --> 00:08:17,500
You're welcome.
115
00:08:19,300 --> 00:08:20,700
- One more thing.
- Yes?
116
00:08:20,900 --> 00:08:22,100

It's on, bitch.
00:08:30,900 --> 00:08:33,700
- So who'd he get to be on his team?
- He won't say.
00:08:34,200 --> 00:08:37,200
He just smiles and eats
macaroons out of his bat jar.
00:08:38,700 --> 00:08:40,300
He's using psychological warfare.
00:08:40,700 --> 00:08:44,200
We must reply in kind.
I say we wait until he looks at us,
00:08:44,400 --> 00:08:47,900
then laugh like, "Yes, you are
a smart and strong competitor,
00:08:48,100 --> 00:08:49,900
"but we are also smart and strong,
7
00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:52,700
and we have a reasonable
chance of defeating you."
00:08:54,700 --> 00:08:56,500
How exactly would that laugh go?
00:09:01,800 --> 00:09:04,700
That sounds more like,
"We are a tall, thin woman
10
00:09:04,800 --> 00:09:07,400
who wants to make a
coat out of your Dalmatians."
11
00:09:09,900 --> 00:09:13,100
Let's remember that Sheldon
is still our friend and my roommate.
12
00:09:13,300 --> 00:09:14,100
So?
13
00:09:15,100 --> 00:09:16,900
So nothing.
Let's destroy him.

14
00:09:18,300 --> 00:09:19,300
Gentlemen.
15
00:09:27,600 --> 00:09:29,900
We're going to need
a strong fourth for our team.
16
00:09:30,300 --> 00:09:33,800
You know who is apparently very smart
is the girl who played TV's Blossom.
17
00:09:35,800 --> 00:09:37,800
She got a PhD. in neuroscience
or something.
18
00:09:38,000 --> 00:09:41,800
Raj, we're not getting TV's Blossom
to join our Physics Bowl team.
19
00:09:44,000 --> 00:09:46,100
How about the girl
from The Wonder Years?
20
00:09:47,900 --> 00:09:51,500
Gentlemen, I believe I've found
the solution to all our problems.
21
00:09:53,900 --> 00:09:55,600
We can't ask Leslie Winkle.
22
00:09:55,900 --> 00:09:58,600
Why? Because you slept together,
and when she was done with you
23
00:09:58,800 --> 00:10:01,200
she discarded you
like last night's chutney?
24
00:10:05,300 --> 00:10:06,200
Yes.
25
00:10:07,400 --> 00:10:09,400
Sometimes you've got
to take one for the team.
26
00:10:09,800 --> 00:10:11,100
Sack up, dude.

27
00:10:12,900 --> 00:10:13,700
Fine.
28
00:10:15,400 --> 00:10:17,800
Here I go, taking one for the team...
29
00:10:18,100 --> 00:10:19,200
in the sack.
30
00:10:22,500 --> 00:10:24,700
- Hey, Leslie.
- Hi, guys.
31
00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:27,200
So, Leslie,
I have a question for you,
32
00:10:27,400 --> 00:10:31,300
and it might be a little awkward,
you know, given that I...
33
00:10:31,700 --> 00:10:32,900
Hit that thing.

34
00:10:36,500 --> 00:10:38,700
Leonard, there's no reason
to feel uncomfortable
35
00:10:38,800 --> 00:10:40,700
just because we've seen
each other's faces
36
00:10:40,800 --> 00:10:43,900
and naked bodies contorted
in the sweet agony of coitus.
37
00:10:45,400 --> 00:10:46,400
There's not?
38
00:10:46,500 --> 00:10:49,100
Gee, 'cause it sure sounds
like there should be.
39
00:10:49,900 --> 00:10:52,600
Rest assured that any aspects
of our sexual relationship
40
00:10:52,700 --> 00:10:56,000

regarding your preferences,
your idiosyncrasies, your performance
41
00:10:56,100 --> 00:10:59,100
are still protected by the inherent
confidentiality of the bedroom.
42
00:10:59,200 --> 00:11:01,000
That's all very comforting,
but if it's okay,
43
00:11:01,100 --> 00:11:03,100
I'd like to get on
to my question now.
44
00:11:03,700 --> 00:11:04,500
Proceed.
45
00:11:05,000 --> 00:11:08,400
We are entering the Physics Bowl,
and we need a fourth for our team.
46
00:11:08,500 --> 00:11:12,000
No, thanks. I'm really busy with my
like-sign dilepton supersymmetry search.

47
00:11:12,200 --> 00:11:14,400
Dilepton, shmylepton.
We need you.
48
00:11:15,900 --> 00:11:16,800
Sorry.
49
00:11:18,000 --> 00:11:19,400
Well, we tried.
50
00:11:19,800 --> 00:11:23,400
We'll just have to face Sheldonmano
y mano y mano a mano.
51
00:11:24,300 --> 00:11:26,500
Wait, you're going up
against Sheldon Cooper?
52
00:11:27,700 --> 00:11:30,600
That arrogant, misogynistic,
East Texas doorknob
53
00:11:30,700 --> 00:11:33,400

that told me I should abandon
my work with high-energy particles
54
00:11:33,600 --> 00:11:35,800
for laundry and childbearing?
55
00:11:38,900 --> 00:11:39,900
She's in.
56
00:11:42,800 --> 00:11:44,300
So, how do you feel?
57
00:11:44,700 --> 00:11:47,800
Nice and loose? Come to play?
Got your game face on?
58
00:11:49,200 --> 00:11:50,400
Are you ready?
59
00:11:51,300 --> 00:11:53,900
Yeah. You know, you don't have
to stay for the whole thing.
60
00:11:54,100 --> 00:11:56,800

Oh, no. I want to.
Sounds really interesting.
61
00:12:03,700 --> 00:12:04,600
Gentlemen.
62
00:12:13,300 --> 00:12:14,900
I'm just gonna sit down.
63
00:12:18,800 --> 00:12:20,500
So, is that your team?
64
00:12:20,800 --> 00:12:22,400
Actually, I don't need a team.
65
00:12:22,500 --> 00:12:24,400
I could easily defeat you
single-handedly,
66
00:12:24,600 --> 00:12:26,400
but the rules require four.
67
00:12:26,500 --> 00:12:29,500
So, may I introduce

the third-floor janitor,
68
00:12:29,600 --> 00:12:32,500
the lady from the lunch room,
and my Spanish is not good...
69
00:12:32,600 --> 00:12:34,400
either her son or her butcher.
70
00:12:35,500 --> 00:12:37,100
And what about your team?
71
00:12:37,200 --> 00:12:40,100
What rat have you recruited
to the S.S. Sinking Ship?
72
00:12:40,200 --> 00:12:41,300
Hello, Sheldon.
73
00:12:44,900 --> 00:12:45,900
Leslie Winkle.
74
00:12:46,300 --> 00:12:48,700
Yeah, Leslie Winkle.

The answer to the question,
75
00:12:48,800 --> 00:12:51,500
"Who made Sheldon Cooper cry
like a little girl?"
76
00:12:53,300 --> 00:12:56,800
Well, I'm polymerized tree sap,
and you're an inorganic adhesive.
77
00:12:57,000 --> 00:12:59,700
So whatever verbal projectile
you launch in my direction
78
00:12:59,900 --> 00:13:02,500
is reflected off of me,
returns on its original trajectory
79
00:13:02,600 --> 00:13:03,800
and adheres to you.
80
00:13:04,900 --> 00:13:06,200
Oh, ouch!
81
00:13:07,400 --> 00:13:10,100
Okay, if everyone could
please take your seats.
82
00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:19,400
Here's your T-shirt.
83
00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:24,000
PMS?
84
00:13:24,600 --> 00:13:26,300
It's a couple days early...
85
00:13:28,400 --> 00:13:31,200
It stands for "Perpetual Motion Squad."
86
00:13:31,600 --> 00:13:33,300
Of course.
What was I thinking?
87
00:13:35,300 --> 00:13:36,700
Good afternoon, everyone,
88
00:13:36,800 --> 00:13:39,800

and welcome to this year's Physics Bowl!
89
00:13:41,800 --> 00:13:45,300
Today's preliminary match
features two great teams.
90
00:13:45,800 --> 00:13:48,100
AA versus...
91
00:13:49,300 --> 00:13:50,200
PMS.
92
00:13:50,800 --> 00:13:52,300
All night long, y'all!
93
00:13:57,400 --> 00:14:01,300
Okay, well, let's jump right in.
First question for ten points:
94
00:14:01,700 --> 00:14:04,400
"What is the iso-spin singlet partner
95
00:14:04,600 --> 00:14:06,200
"of the pi-zero meson?"

96
00:14:07,300 --> 00:14:08,100
PMS?
97
00:14:08,200 --> 00:14:09,800
- The eta meson.
- Correct.
98
00:14:12,500 --> 00:14:14,300
- Formal protest.
- On what grounds?
99
00:14:14,400 --> 00:14:17,000
The Velcro on my wrist brace
caught on my shirt.
100
00:14:17,500 --> 00:14:20,500
Denied.
All right, for ten points,
101
00:14:20,700 --> 00:14:23,000
"What is the lightest element on Earth
102
00:14:23,100 --> 00:14:24,900

"with no stable isotope?"
103
00:14:25,200 --> 00:14:26,000
AA?
104
00:14:26,200 --> 00:14:28,100
And of course,
the answer is technetium.
105
00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:29,000
Terrific.
106
00:14:30,300 --> 00:14:31,400
Next question:
107
00:14:31,500 --> 00:14:34,100
"What is the force between
two uncharged plates
108
00:14:34,200 --> 00:14:36,400
"due to quantum vacuum fluctuations?"
109
00:14:36,900 --> 00:14:37,700
PMS?
110
00:14:37,900 --> 00:14:40,300
Sheldon can suck on...
the Casimir effect.
111
00:14:40,500 --> 00:14:41,300
Correct.
112
00:14:46,600 --> 00:14:50,100
How does a quantum computer
factor large numbers?
113
00:14:50,600 --> 00:14:51,500
PMS?
114
00:14:51,600 --> 00:14:53,300
- Shor's algorithm.
- Correct!
115
00:14:57,600 --> 00:15:00,500
4.1855 times ten
to the seventh ergs per calorie.
116
00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:02,700

Prevost's theory of exchanges.
117
00:15:03,300 --> 00:15:05,400
Lambda equals one
over pi r squared n.
118
00:15:05,900 --> 00:15:07,600
760 degrees Celsius...
119
00:15:07,700 --> 00:15:10,600
the approximate temperature
of the young lady in the front row.
120
00:15:11,800 --> 00:15:13,800
Mr. Wolowitz,
this is your second warning.
121
00:15:15,500 --> 00:15:16,700
A sigma particle.
122
00:15:17,100 --> 00:15:20,400
Yes, assuming the hypothetical planet
has a mass greater than the Earth.
123
00:15:20,600 --> 00:15:21,400
Correct!
124
00:15:26,900 --> 00:15:30,700
Ladies and gentlemen,
I hold in my hand the final question.
125
00:15:31,800 --> 00:15:34,900
The score now stands.
AA: 1,150,
126
00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:38,200
PMS: 1,175.
127
00:15:38,300 --> 00:15:41,800
So, for 100 points and the match,
128
00:15:41,900 --> 00:15:45,900
please turn your attention
to the formula on the screens.
129
00:15:46,500 --> 00:15:48,200
Solve the equation.
130
00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:51,200
Holy crap.
131
00:15:53,200 --> 00:15:54,400
What the hell is that?
132
00:15:54,800 --> 00:15:58,300
Looks like something
they found on the ship at Roswell.
133
00:15:58,400 --> 00:16:00,600
Come on. Think.
Leslie?
134
00:16:00,700 --> 00:16:03,600
It's not gonna work if you rush me.
You have to let me get there.
135
00:16:03,800 --> 00:16:06,100
You are never gonna
let that go, are you?
136
00:16:06,300 --> 00:16:07,500
Ten seconds.
137
00:16:11,600 --> 00:16:12,500
PMS?
138
00:16:14,600 --> 00:16:15,900
Sorry, I panicked.
139
00:16:17,500 --> 00:16:18,800
Then guess.
140
00:16:21,500 --> 00:16:22,400
Eight.
141
00:16:26,900 --> 00:16:28,300
.4
142
00:16:29,700 --> 00:16:31,600
I'm sorry, that's incorrect.
143
00:16:32,000 --> 00:16:32,800
AA,
144
00:16:33,500 --> 00:16:35,900
if you can answer correctly,

the match is yours.
145
00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:40,300
He doesn't have it.
146
00:16:40,900 --> 00:16:42,000
He's got squat.
147
00:16:51,500 --> 00:16:53,200
AA, I need your answer.
148
00:16:55,200 --> 00:16:58,000
The answer is minus eight pi alpha.
149
00:16:58,200 --> 00:17:00,000
Hang on a second.
That's not our answer.
150
00:17:00,200 --> 00:17:02,400
- Answering question.
151
00:17:02,500 --> 00:17:03,900
Winning Physics Bowl.

152
00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:07,900
How do you know anything
about physics?
153
00:17:08,000 --> 00:17:09,500
Here I am janitor.
154
00:17:09,600 --> 00:17:12,500
In former Soviet Union, I am physicist.
155
00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:14,800
Leningrad Politechnika.
156
00:17:15,300 --> 00:17:16,900
Go Polar Bears.
157
00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:21,600
That's a delightful little story,
158
00:17:21,800 --> 00:17:24,300
but our arrangement was that
you sit here and not say anything...

159
00:17:24,400 --> 00:17:27,300
- I answer the questions.
- You didn't answer question.
160
00:17:27,400 --> 00:17:30,500
Look, now, maybe you have
democracy now in your beloved Russia,
161
00:17:30,600 --> 00:17:33,500
but on this Physics Bowl team,
I rule with an iron fist.
162
00:17:35,400 --> 00:17:37,300
AA, I need your official answer.
163
00:17:37,500 --> 00:17:39,600
- It's not what he said.
- Then what is it?
164
00:17:39,800 --> 00:17:41,800
- I want a different question.
- You can't.
165
00:17:41,900 --> 00:17:43,300

- Formal protest.
- Denied.
166
00:17:43,500 --> 00:17:44,900
Informal protest.
167
00:17:45,700 --> 00:17:46,500
Denied.
168
00:17:47,500 --> 00:17:50,600
- I need your official answer.
- No. I decline to provide one.
169
00:17:50,700 --> 00:17:54,100
That's too bad because the answer
your teammate gave was correct.
170
00:17:55,500 --> 00:17:57,100
That's your opinion.
171
00:18:00,100 --> 00:18:02,700
- The winner of the match is...
- Hang on.
172
00:18:04,200 --> 00:18:07,800
Is proving that you are single-handedly
smarter than everyone else so important
173
00:18:07,900 --> 00:18:11,300
that you would rather lose by yourself
than win as part of a team?
174
00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:14,800
I don't understand the question.
175
00:18:16,200 --> 00:18:18,700
- Go ahead.
- The winner is PMS.
00:18:56,200 --> 00:18:57,900
Sorry, somebody's sitting there.
00:18:58,900 --> 00:18:59,700
Who?
00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:02,000
My Physics Bowl trophy.
4
00:19:04,700 --> 00:19:08,000
That trophy is meaningless.
I forfeited, therefore you did not win.
00:19:08,100 --> 00:19:10,300
- I know someone who would disagree.
- Who?
00:19:10,400 --> 00:19:12,700
My Physics Bowl trophy.
00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:15,500
Leonard is so smart.
00:19:16,300 --> 00:19:18,900
- Sheldon who?
- All right, that is very immature.
00:19:19,100 --> 00:19:21,500
You're right. I'm sorry.
I'm not!
10
00:19:24,000 --> 00:19:26,400
- Okay, new contest.

11
00:19:26,700 --> 00:19:28,900
I am settling once and for all
12
00:19:29,000 --> 00:19:31,700
who is the smartest around here, okay?
13
00:19:31,800 --> 00:19:33,200
- Ready?
- Absolutely.
14
00:19:33,300 --> 00:19:34,300
Bring it on.
15
00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:37,600
"Marsha, Jan and Cindy
were the three daughters
16
00:19:37,700 --> 00:19:39,100
"in what TV family?"
17
00:19:43,600 --> 00:19:44,700
The Brady Bunch.

18
00:19:47,600 --> 00:19:51,400
"Sammy Hagar replaced David Lee Roth
as the lead singer in what group?"
19
00:19:56,300 --> 00:19:57,500
The Brady Bunch?
20
00:20:00,300 --> 00:20:01,300
Van Halen.
21
00:20:02,800 --> 00:20:05,400
"Madonna was married
to this Ridgemont High alum."
22
00:20:07,800 --> 00:20:09,900
Oh, my God! Sean Penn!
23
00:20:10,100 --> 00:20:12,100
How do you know these things?
24
00:20:12,900 --> 00:20:15,800
I go outside,
and I talk to people.

25
00:20:17,600 --> 00:20:20,200
Okay, here.
"What actor holds the record
26
00:20:20,300 --> 00:20:22,800
"for being named People Magazine's
Sexiest Man Alive?"
27
00:20:23,300 --> 00:20:24,800
- William Shatner.
- Wait.
28
00:20:27,600 --> 00:20:29,200
I don't think it's Shatner.
29
00:20:29,600 --> 00:20:31,500
Then it's got to be Patrick Stewart.
30
00:20:35,600 --> 00:20:36,800
Formal protest.
31
00:20:39,000 --> 00:20:41,300
"Singer who sang,
Oops, I Did It Again?"

32
00:20:49,500 --> 00:20:52,200
"Tweetie Bird tought
he taw a what?"
33
00:20:56,300 --> 00:20:57,300
Romulan.
34
00:21:01,700 --> 00:21:02,700
Yes.
35
00:21:02,800 --> 00:21:05,000
He tought he taw a Romulan.
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
10000
00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:13,000

The Big Bang Theory - 1x14 - The Nerdvana Annihilation
00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,000
00:00:00,476 --> 00:00:03,371
This sandwich is
an unmitigated disaster.
00:00:04,124 --> 00:00:07,761
I asked for turkey and roast beef
with lettuce and Swiss on whole wheat.
00:00:07,921 --> 00:00:10,058
- What did they give you?
- Turkey and roast beef
00:00:10,178 --> 00:00:12,277
with Swiss and lettuce on whole wheat.
00:00:18,063 --> 00:00:20,648
It's the right ingredients,
but in the wrong order.
6
00:00:21,736 --> 00:00:22,983
In a proper sandwich,
00:00:23,145 --> 00:00:24,906
the cheese is adjacent to the bread
00:00:25,026 --> 00:00:27,706
to create a moisture barrier
against the lettuce.
00:00:28,625 --> 00:00:31,743
They might as well have dragged
this thing through a car wash.
10
00:00:32,439 --> 00:00:35,621
- I don't believe it.
- I know. It's basic culinary science.
11
00:00:36,247 --> 00:00:38,749
Some guy is auctioning off
a miniature Time Machine prop
12
00:00:38,910 --> 00:00:41,335
from the original film,
and no one is bidding on it.

13
00:00:41,496 --> 00:00:44,255
A time machine
from the movie The Time Machine?
14
00:00:44,738 --> 00:00:47,176
No. A time machine
from Sophie's Choice.
15
00:00:47,900 --> 00:00:50,566
Boy, Sophie could have used
a time machine in that movie.
16
00:00:50,686 --> 00:00:52,452
Did you see it? It's rough.
17
00:00:54,140 --> 00:00:56,654
- That's cool.
- It's only $800?
18
00:00:56,774 --> 00:00:58,342
Yeah. And that's my bid.
19
00:00:58,462 --> 00:00:59,896

You bid $800?
20
00:01:00,057 --> 00:01:02,962
It was a spur-of-the-moment thing.
I figured it would go for thousands,
21
00:01:03,082 --> 00:01:04,983
and I just wanted to be a part of it.
22
00:01:05,144 --> 00:01:07,023
There's only 30 sec left in the auction.
23
00:01:07,143 --> 00:01:08,279
Do you have $800?
24
00:01:08,440 --> 00:01:10,656
Not to blow on a miniature time machine.
25
00:01:10,822 --> 00:01:13,115
Don't worry. People wait
until the last second to bid,
26
00:01:13,235 --> 00:01:15,202
and they swoop in and get it.

It's called sniping.
27
00:01:15,363 --> 00:01:16,413
15 seconds.
28
00:01:16,573 --> 00:01:18,176
Come on, snipers.
29
00:01:19,761 --> 00:01:21,266
10, 9,
30
00:01:21,870 --> 00:01:23,799
- 8...
- Where are your snipers?
31
00:01:24,166 --> 00:01:25,188
- 5...
- Snipe.
32
00:01:25,308 --> 00:01:26,331
- 4...
- Snipe.
33
00:01:26,451 --> 00:01:27,474

- 3...
- Snipe!
34
00:01:27,594 --> 00:01:28,731
- 2...
- Snipe!
35
00:01:28,851 --> 00:01:29,664
1...
36
00:01:30,819 --> 00:01:31,845
Congratulations!
37
00:01:32,005 --> 00:01:34,472
You are the proud owner
of a miniature time machine!
38
00:01:35,925 --> 00:01:37,290
You lucky duck.
39
00:01:37,719 --> 00:01:39,303
I wonder why no one else bid.
40
00:01:39,423 --> 00:01:41,893

This is a classic piece
of sci-fi movie memorabilia.
41
00:01:42,013 --> 00:01:45,357
- Yeah, I know! I still can't afford it.
- Why don't we share it?
42
00:01:45,523 --> 00:01:48,527
We'll each put in 200 bucks,
we'll take turns having it in our house.
43
00:01:48,688 --> 00:01:50,354
A time-share time machine.
44
00:01:51,945 --> 00:01:53,259
I'm in. Sheldon?
45
00:01:53,379 --> 00:01:54,535
Need you ask?
46
00:01:55,145 --> 00:01:57,678
I still don't understand
why no one else bid.
47
00:02:06,747 --> 00:02:09,203
I understand
why no one else bid.
48
00:02:30,300 --> 00:02:33,000
The Nerdvana Annihilation
00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:39,400
Did the listing actually
say "miniature"?
00:02:41,600 --> 00:02:43,000
I just assumed.
00:02:44,500 --> 00:02:47,700
Who sells a full-size
time machine for $800?
00:02:48,600 --> 00:02:51,500
In a Venn diagram,
that would be an individual located
00:02:51,600 --> 00:02:54,700
within the intersection of the sets

"No longer want my time machine"
00:02:54,800 --> 00:02:56,100
and "Need $800."
00:02:57,700 --> 00:02:59,500
It's actually a tremendous bargain.
00:02:59,600 --> 00:03:02,900
Even with shipping, it works out
to less than four dollars a pound.
00:03:04,100 --> 00:03:05,800
Cocktail shrimp are $12.50.
10
00:03:08,600 --> 00:03:10,500
How are we going to get it upstairs?
11
00:03:11,900 --> 00:03:14,700
If we take the dish off,
it might fit in the elevator.
12
00:03:14,800 --> 00:03:17,200
Yes, but the elevator

has been broken for 2 years.
13
00:03:17,300 --> 00:03:18,800
I've been meaning to ask you.
14
00:03:18,900 --> 00:03:21,200
Do you think we should
make a call about that?
15
00:03:22,800 --> 00:03:25,800
Not necessary.
I have a Master's in engineering.
16
00:03:25,900 --> 00:03:28,700
I remotely repair satellites
on a regular basis.
17
00:03:29,100 --> 00:03:31,700
I troubleshoot space shuttle payloads.
18
00:03:32,500 --> 00:03:34,900
When the Mars Rover started
pulling to the left,
19
00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:37,200
I performed a front-end alignment
20
00:03:37,300 --> 00:03:39,600
from 62 million miles away.
21
00:03:49,700 --> 00:03:51,400
No. That baby's broken.
22
00:03:54,300 --> 00:03:55,700
Come on, guys! Push!
23
00:03:55,800 --> 00:03:59,100
If I push any harder,
I'm going to give birth to my colon.
24
00:04:00,200 --> 00:04:02,100
I can't feel my fingers. Hurry up!
25
00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:04,600
It's the same amount of work
no matter how fast you go.
26
00:04:04,700 --> 00:04:06,300

- Basic physics.
- Sheldon?
27
00:04:07,000 --> 00:04:10,300
If my fingers ever work again,
I've got a job for the middle one.
28
00:04:12,000 --> 00:04:14,200
- Hey, guys.
- Hi, Penny.
29
00:04:17,100 --> 00:04:18,500
Take a break, guys.
30
00:04:20,000 --> 00:04:23,300
- We're just moving something upstairs.
31
00:04:23,600 --> 00:04:25,100
- What is it?
- Just...
32
00:04:25,800 --> 00:04:27,300
You know. Time machine.

33
00:04:28,700 --> 00:04:30,600
Neat. But I really got to get to work.
34
00:04:30,700 --> 00:04:33,700
- Give us a few minutes.
- I don't have them. I'm running late.
35
00:04:33,800 --> 00:04:35,500
Then, I have a simple solution.
36
00:04:35,600 --> 00:04:37,700
Go up to the roof.
Hop over to the next building.
37
00:04:37,800 --> 00:04:40,300
There's a small gap, don't look down
if you're subject to vertigo,
38
00:04:40,400 --> 00:04:42,000
and use their stairwell.
39
00:04:42,700 --> 00:04:43,900
You're joking, right?

40
00:04:44,100 --> 00:04:46,300
I never joke when it comes to vertigo.
41
00:04:48,400 --> 00:04:51,000
Damn. Okay, I'll just take the roof.
42
00:04:51,800 --> 00:04:53,800
If you wait for us
to set up the time machine,
43
00:04:53,900 --> 00:04:55,900
I can drop you off at work yesterday.
44
00:04:57,800 --> 00:04:59,800
Time travel joke.
It's not... never mind.
45
00:05:02,100 --> 00:05:04,400
For what it's worth,
I thought it was humorous.
46
00:05:08,300 --> 00:05:09,700
Let's just do this.

47
00:05:10,000 --> 00:05:12,400
- You guys ready to push?
- In a minute.
48
00:05:12,500 --> 00:05:14,400
Howard stepped outside to throw up.
49
00:05:20,200 --> 00:05:21,900
I don't know
what you were worried about.
50
00:05:22,000 --> 00:05:23,900
I think it really works in the room.
51
00:05:26,200 --> 00:05:29,100
It is by far the coolest thing
I have ever owned.
52
00:05:29,200 --> 00:05:32,100
The exact time machine
that carried actor Rod Taylor
53
00:05:32,300 --> 00:05:35,100
from Victorian England

into the post-apocalyptic future,
54
00:05:35,300 --> 00:05:37,400
where society had splintered
into two factions:
55
00:05:37,500 --> 00:05:40,200
the subterranean Morlocks,
who survived by feasting
56
00:05:40,300 --> 00:05:42,800
on the flesh of the gentle
surface-dwelling Eloi.
57
00:05:45,100 --> 00:05:47,400
Talk about your chick magnets.
58
00:05:50,800 --> 00:05:52,800
The guy who lives next to me
is always like,
59
00:05:52,900 --> 00:05:56,200
"I have a Jacuzzi on my balcony.
I have a Jacuzzi on my balcony."

60
00:05:56,400 --> 00:05:57,700
But wait until I tell him,
61
00:05:57,800 --> 00:05:59,900
"I've got a time machine
on my balcony.
62
00:06:01,600 --> 00:06:04,000
Stuff that in your Speedoes,
Jacuzzi Bob."
63
00:06:05,400 --> 00:06:08,100
Gentlemen, we said we'd take turns,
but I think you'll agree
64
00:06:08,200 --> 00:06:10,800
that practicality
dictates it remain here.
65
00:06:11,200 --> 00:06:13,500
You can't keep it here.
What if I meet a girl and say,
66
00:06:13,600 --> 00:06:15,300

"You wanna come up and see
my time machine?
67
00:06:15,500 --> 00:06:17,800
It's at my friends' house."
How lame is that?
68
00:06:18,500 --> 00:06:19,600
He's got a point.
69
00:06:19,700 --> 00:06:22,900
I think we're going to need some ground
rules; in addition to the expected
70
00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:25,800
"no shoes in the time machine,"
and "no eating in the time machine,"
71
00:06:25,900 --> 00:06:29,800
I propose we add "pants must be worn
at all times in the time machine."
72
00:06:30,900 --> 00:06:31,800
Seconded.
73
00:06:33,100 --> 00:06:34,900
I was going to put down a towel.
74
00:06:38,600 --> 00:06:40,100
I still want it on my balcony.
75
00:06:40,300 --> 00:06:42,600
I say we move it on a bi-monthly basis.
76
00:06:42,700 --> 00:06:45,700
- That sounds fair.
- Bi-monthly is an ambiguous term.
77
00:06:45,900 --> 00:06:47,700
It's every other month or twice a month?
78
00:06:47,900 --> 00:06:49,500
- Twice a month.
- Then no.
79
00:06:49,700 --> 00:06:51,500
- Okay, every other month.
- No.
80
00:06:53,100 --> 00:06:54,600
You can't be selfish.
81
00:06:54,800 --> 00:06:57,100
We all paid for it,
so it belongs to all of us.
82
00:06:57,300 --> 00:06:59,800
Now get out of the way
so I can sit in my time machine.
83
00:07:09,900 --> 00:07:13,800
I am setting the dials
for March 10, 1876.
84
00:07:14,100 --> 00:07:16,500
Good choice, Alexander Graham Bell
invents the telephone
85
00:07:16,600 --> 00:07:18,700
- and calls out for Dr. Watson.
- Wait a minute.
86
00:07:18,800 --> 00:07:21,400

- I'd want to see that, too.
- So when it's your turn, you can.
87
00:07:21,500 --> 00:07:23,300
But if we all go back to the same point,
88
00:07:23,500 --> 00:07:26,300
Bell's lab is going to get very crowded.
He'll know something's up.
89
00:07:27,500 --> 00:07:29,500
Also since the time machine
doesn't move in space,
90
00:07:29,700 --> 00:07:31,800
you'll end up in 1876 Pasadena.
91
00:07:31,900 --> 00:07:34,400
And even if you can make it to Boston,
are you going knock on the door
92
00:07:34,600 --> 00:07:36,600
and say to Mrs. Bell,
"Big fan of your husband.

93
00:07:36,800 --> 00:07:39,000
"Can I come in and watch him
invent the telephone?"
94
00:07:39,700 --> 00:07:42,300
Mrs. Bell was deaf.
She's not even going to hear you knock.
95
00:07:43,700 --> 00:07:46,200
I have a solution.
First, go into the future
96
00:07:46,300 --> 00:07:49,100
- and obtain a cloaking device.
- How far into the future?
97
00:07:49,300 --> 00:07:52,100
If I remember correctly, Captain Kirk
will steal a cloaking device
98
00:07:52,200 --> 00:07:55,200
from the Romulans on Stardate 5027.3,
99
00:07:55,300 --> 00:07:58,500

which would be January 10, 2328
by pre-Federation reckoning.
100
00:08:01,200 --> 00:08:04,900
I am setting the dials
for January 10, 2328.
101
00:08:05,500 --> 00:08:07,800
Here we go into the future.
102
00:08:29,500 --> 00:08:30,500
That was fun.
103
00:08:31,900 --> 00:08:32,800
My turn!
104
00:08:34,300 --> 00:08:35,800
Okay, first of all,
105
00:08:35,900 --> 00:08:38,400
what you call a gap
was nearly three feet wide.
106
00:08:38,500 --> 00:08:40,600

- I slipped and skinned my knee.
- Are you okay?
107
00:08:41,600 --> 00:08:44,400
Second of all, the door to the stairwell
of the other building was locked,
108
00:08:44,500 --> 00:08:47,200
so I had to go down the fire escape,
which ends on the 3d floor,
109
00:08:47,300 --> 00:08:50,300
forcing me to crawl through the window
of a lovely Armenian family
110
00:08:50,400 --> 00:08:52,300
who insisted I stay for lunch.
111
00:08:53,600 --> 00:08:56,300
- That doesn't sound too bad.
- It was eight courses of lamb,
112
00:08:56,400 --> 00:08:58,500
and they tried to fix me up
with their son.

113
00:09:00,700 --> 00:09:01,900
- Sorry.
- Not done.
114
00:09:02,100 --> 00:09:04,800
By the time I finally got to work,
they'd given my shift away.
115
00:09:04,900 --> 00:09:08,300
That's right. I lost an entire day's pay
thanks to this.
116
00:09:08,400 --> 00:09:10,100
- This...
- Time machine.
117
00:09:13,700 --> 00:09:16,200
The lights flash and the dish spins.
You want to try it?
118
00:09:17,500 --> 00:09:18,800
I don't want to try it!
119
00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:21,000
My God, you are grown men!
120
00:09:21,300 --> 00:09:25,100
How can you waste your lives
with these stupid toys and costumes
121
00:09:25,200 --> 00:09:28,000
and comic books
and now that?! That...
122
00:09:28,100 --> 00:09:29,600
Again. Time machine.
123
00:09:32,000 --> 00:09:34,800
Please, it's not a time machine.
If anything, it looks like something
124
00:09:34,900 --> 00:09:37,500
Elton John would drive
through the Everglades.
125
00:09:43,300 --> 00:09:45,300
It only moves in time.

126
00:09:45,400 --> 00:09:47,900
It would be worse than useless
in a swamp.
127
00:09:53,500 --> 00:09:55,200
Pathetic! All of you!
128
00:09:55,300 --> 00:09:57,000
Completely pathetic!
129
00:10:02,400 --> 00:10:03,400
My turn!
130
00:10:20,300 --> 00:10:22,300
Leonard, it's 2:00 in the morning.
131
00:10:23,400 --> 00:10:24,300
So?
132
00:10:24,400 --> 00:10:26,100
So it's my turn.
133
00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:31,500

Why did you set it
for the day before yesterday?
134
00:10:31,900 --> 00:10:33,800
Because I want to go back
and keep myself
135
00:10:33,900 --> 00:10:35,400
from getting a time machine.
136
00:10:35,600 --> 00:10:36,500
You can't.
137
00:10:36,600 --> 00:10:38,800
If you were to prevent yourself
from buying it in the past,
138
00:10:38,900 --> 00:10:41,200
you wouldn't have it available
in the present to travel back
139
00:10:41,300 --> 00:10:43,700
and stop yourself from buying it.
Ergo, you would still have it.

140
00:10:43,900 --> 00:10:46,200
This is a classic rookie
time-travel mistake.
141
00:10:49,600 --> 00:10:52,600
Can I go back and prevent you
from explaing that to me?
142
00:10:53,400 --> 00:10:54,400
Same paradox.
143
00:10:54,500 --> 00:10:57,200
If you were to travel back in time
and, say, knock me unconscious,
144
00:10:57,400 --> 00:10:59,600
you would not then have the conversation
that irritated you,
145
00:10:59,800 --> 00:11:02,500
motivating you to go back
and knock me unconscious.
146
00:11:03,700 --> 00:11:06,100

What if I knocked you
unconscious right now?
147
00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:09,300
It won't change the past.
148
00:11:11,100 --> 00:11:13,400
But it'd make the present so much nicer.
149
00:11:14,800 --> 00:11:16,700
Are you upset about something?
150
00:11:17,400 --> 00:11:19,000
What was your first clue?
151
00:11:19,900 --> 00:11:21,600
Well, it was a number of things.
152
00:11:21,700 --> 00:11:23,000
First, the late hour.
153
00:11:23,100 --> 00:11:25,100
Then your demeanor
seems very low-energy,

154
00:11:25,200 --> 00:11:27,400
- plus your irritability.
- Yes, I'm upset!
155
00:11:28,200 --> 00:11:30,500
I don't usually pick
up on those things.
156
00:11:31,200 --> 00:11:32,200
Good for me.
157
00:11:35,500 --> 00:11:36,600
Good for you.
158
00:11:37,600 --> 00:11:38,500
Wait.
159
00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:42,900
Did you want to talk about
what's bothering you?
160
00:11:44,200 --> 00:11:46,900
- I don't know. Maybe.

- I'm on fire tonight.
161
00:11:52,400 --> 00:11:53,700
Here's the thing.
162
00:11:54,300 --> 00:11:58,100
Girls like Penny never end up
with guys who own time machines.
163
00:11:58,700 --> 00:11:59,800
I disagree.
164
00:12:00,100 --> 00:12:02,500
Your inability to
successfully woo Penny
165
00:12:02,600 --> 00:12:05,100
long predates your acquisition
of the time machine.
166
00:12:07,800 --> 00:12:09,900
That failure clearly
stands on its own.
167
00:12:11,600 --> 00:12:14,700
- Thanks for pointing it out.
- In addition, your premise is flawed.
168
00:12:14,800 --> 00:12:17,400
In the original film,
Rod Taylor got Yvette Mimieux
169
00:12:17,500 --> 00:12:19,200
with that very time machine.
170
00:12:19,400 --> 00:12:21,900
In Back to the Future,
Marty McFly got the opportunity
171
00:12:22,000 --> 00:12:24,600
to hook up with his extremely
attractive young mother.
172
00:12:27,600 --> 00:12:30,300
- Those are movies.
- Of course they're movies.
173
00:12:30,400 --> 00:12:32,400
Were you expecting me to come up

with an example
174
00:12:32,500 --> 00:12:34,600
involving a real-life time machine?
175
00:12:36,900 --> 00:12:38,000
That's absurd.
176
00:12:40,300 --> 00:12:41,500
Come on, guys, push!
177
00:12:41,800 --> 00:12:45,000
If I push any harder, I'm going
to give birth to my colon.
178
00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:48,900
- Hey, guys.
- Hi, Penny.
179
00:12:52,300 --> 00:12:53,900
Take a break, guys!
180
00:12:55,000 --> 00:12:59,000

- You know, just moving a time machine.
181
00:13:00,400 --> 00:13:02,500
Neat, but I really gotta get to work.
182
00:13:03,100 --> 00:13:04,300
No problem.
183
00:13:10,800 --> 00:13:12,100
Hang on.
184
00:13:13,400 --> 00:13:15,300
But... what about your time machine?
185
00:13:15,400 --> 00:13:18,000
Some things are more
important than toys.
186
00:13:26,700 --> 00:13:27,800
I'm scared.
187
00:13:28,300 --> 00:13:30,200
Don't worry, baby. I've got you.

188
00:13:52,100 --> 00:13:53,900
It's still my turn.
189
00:13:59,500 --> 00:14:00,800
What are you doing?
190
00:14:02,100 --> 00:14:03,800
I'm packing up all my collectibles
191
00:14:03,900 --> 00:14:06,500
and taking them down
to the comic book store to sell.
192
00:14:06,800 --> 00:14:08,500
Was that really necessary?
193
00:14:08,700 --> 00:14:11,400
If you need money,
you can always sell blood.
194
00:14:12,900 --> 00:14:14,000
And semen.
195
00:14:15,800 --> 00:14:17,300
This is not about money.
196
00:14:17,500 --> 00:14:18,900
We brought food!
197
00:14:19,100 --> 00:14:21,900
Lox and bagels, the
breakfast of time-travelers.
198
00:14:22,500 --> 00:14:25,000
Terrific. Does anyone want to buy
my share of the time machine?
199
00:14:25,100 --> 00:14:27,300
- Why?
- I don't want it anymore.
200
00:14:27,500 --> 00:14:29,700
- Why?
- Just... personal reasons.
201
00:14:29,800 --> 00:14:32,900
My Spidey sense tells me this
has something to do with Penny.

202
00:14:33,300 --> 00:14:35,700
Look, do you want to
buy me out or not?
203
00:14:35,800 --> 00:14:38,100
I'll give you $100,
which will make me half-owner
204
00:14:38,200 --> 00:14:39,700
and we'll put it on my balcony.
205
00:14:39,800 --> 00:14:42,600
Screw his balcony. I'll give you
$120 and we'll put it in my garage.
206
00:14:42,900 --> 00:14:44,600
I paid $200 for my share.
207
00:14:44,800 --> 00:14:47,300
Dude, everybody knows a time
machine loses half its value
208
00:14:47,500 --> 00:14:49,500

the minute you drive
it off the lot.
209
00:14:49,800 --> 00:14:52,600
I'll go for $200. That time
machine stays right where it is.
210
00:14:52,700 --> 00:14:56,500
$300 and I'll throw in my original
1979 Mattel Millennium Falcon
211
00:14:56,700 --> 00:14:58,400
with real light speed sound effects.
212
00:14:58,700 --> 00:15:02,100
No. No more toys or action figures
213
00:15:02,300 --> 00:15:05,400
or props or replicas
or costumes or robots
214
00:15:05,500 --> 00:15:07,200
or Darth Vader voice changers.
215
00:15:07,400 --> 00:15:08,900
I'm getting rid of all of it.
216
00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:11,300
You can't do that. Look
what you've created here.
217
00:15:11,500 --> 00:15:13,200
It's like nerdvana.
218
00:15:16,500 --> 00:15:19,600
More importantly,
you have a Darth Vader voice changer?
219
00:15:21,300 --> 00:15:22,600
Not for long.
220
00:15:22,700 --> 00:15:24,400
I call dibs on The Golden Age Flash.
221
00:15:24,500 --> 00:15:27,100
I need that to complete my
Justice Society of America collection.
222
00:15:27,300 --> 00:15:29,600
- Too bad. I called dibs.
- You can't just call dibs.
223
00:15:29,700 --> 00:15:32,200
I can and I did.
Look up "Dibs" in Wikipedia.
224
00:15:32,900 --> 00:15:34,800
Dibs doesn't apply
in a bidding war.
225
00:15:34,900 --> 00:15:36,300
It's not a bidding war.
226
00:15:36,500 --> 00:15:38,900
I'm selling it all to Larry
down at the comic book store.
227
00:15:39,100 --> 00:15:41,600
- Did Larry call dibs?
- Will you forget dibs?!
228
00:15:41,700 --> 00:15:44,000
He offered me a fair price

for the whole collection.
229
00:15:44,100 --> 00:15:48,000
- What's the number? I'll match it.
- I'll match it plus a thousand rupees.
230
00:15:48,400 --> 00:15:50,500
- What's the exchange rate?
- None of your business.
231
00:15:50,700 --> 00:15:52,000
Take it or leave it?
232
00:15:52,500 --> 00:15:54,700
Mom? My bar mitzvah bonds.
How much do I got?
233
00:15:55,000 --> 00:15:56,000
Thanks.
234
00:15:56,200 --> 00:15:58,600
I can go $2,600 and two trees in Israel.
235
00:16:00,900 --> 00:16:01,900

Forget it, guys.
236
00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:04,900
If I sell to one of you, the other two
are going to be really mad at me.
237
00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:07,300
Who cares? As long as you pick me!
238
00:16:08,300 --> 00:16:10,300
Okay, Leonard, put down the box.
Let's talk.
239
00:16:10,500 --> 00:16:12,400
Sorry, Raj. My mind is made up.
240
00:16:12,700 --> 00:16:13,500
No!
241
00:16:13,800 --> 00:16:15,900
I can't let you do this.
242
00:16:16,400 --> 00:16:17,900
Get out of my way.

243
00:16:21,500 --> 00:16:23,700
None shall pass!
244
00:16:28,800 --> 00:16:30,400
I did not want to do this,
245
00:16:30,800 --> 00:16:34,000
but I have here the rare mint
condition production error
246
00:16:34,100 --> 00:16:36,300
Star Trek: The Next Generation
Geordi La Forge
247
00:16:36,500 --> 00:16:38,900
without his visor
in the original packaging.
248
00:16:39,700 --> 00:16:41,600
If you do not get out of my way,
249
00:16:42,200 --> 00:16:43,500
I will open it.

250
00:16:44,800 --> 00:16:46,600
Okay, man. Be cool.
251
00:16:47,700 --> 00:16:49,100
We're all friends here.
252
00:16:50,500 --> 00:16:52,000
What the hell's going on?
253
00:16:52,200 --> 00:16:53,700
You hypocrite!
254
00:16:54,200 --> 00:16:55,000
What?
255
00:16:55,200 --> 00:16:57,500
Little Miss "grown-ups
don't play with toys."
256
00:16:57,600 --> 00:17:01,200
If I were to go into that apartment now,
would I not find Beanie Babies?

257
00:17:01,400 --> 00:17:04,200
Are you not an accumulator
of Care Bears and My Little Ponies?
258
00:17:04,300 --> 00:17:07,300
And who is that Japanese feline
I see frolicking on your shorts?
259
00:17:07,800 --> 00:17:09,700
Hello, Hello Kitty!
260
00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:16,300
Okay, look, if this is about yesterday,
Leonard,
261
00:17:16,400 --> 00:17:19,000
I am really sorry about what I said.
I was just upset.
262
00:17:19,200 --> 00:17:22,200
- I need to hear it.
- No, you didn't. You are a great guy
263
00:17:22,300 --> 00:17:25,200

and it is the things you love
that make you who you are.
264
00:17:25,900 --> 00:17:28,400
I guess that makes
me "large breasts."
265
00:17:32,900 --> 00:17:35,900
Still, I think it's time for
me to get rid of this stuff
266
00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:38,100
and, you know,
move on with my life.
267
00:17:38,600 --> 00:17:40,400
- Really?
- Yeah.
268
00:17:42,200 --> 00:17:44,000
Well, good for you.
269
00:17:45,100 --> 00:17:46,100
Thanks.
270
00:17:48,200 --> 00:17:50,700
Do you want to...
I don't know, later...
271
00:17:50,900 --> 00:17:51,900
Excuse me.
272
00:17:52,600 --> 00:17:54,100
- Hey, Penny.
- Hi, Mike.
273
00:17:54,200 --> 00:17:56,200
- Ready to go?
- I just have to change.
274
00:17:56,300 --> 00:17:58,600
- I'll give you a hand.
- Stop it!
275
00:17:58,900 --> 00:17:59,800
Bye, guys.
276
00:18:05,200 --> 00:18:06,800
My turn on the time machine!

1
00:18:30,500 --> 00:18:31,600
It worked.
00:18:33,400 --> 00:18:35,000
It really worked.
00:18:36,200 --> 00:18:38,900
They said I was mad, but it worked!
00:18:47,400 --> 00:18:48,700
Not Morlocks!
00:18:49,100 --> 00:18:51,300
Not flesh-eating Morlocks!
00:18:51,800 --> 00:18:53,600
Help!
00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:04,100
Sheldon, are you okay?
00:19:04,800 --> 00:19:07,000

We have to get rid
of the time machine.
00:19:07,300 --> 00:19:09,600
It is a little big
for the living room, isn't it?
10
00:19:10,600 --> 00:19:12,900
Yeah, that's the problem. It's too big.
11
00:19:13,700 --> 00:19:16,400
I'm glad you agree.
I hired some guys to help us move it.
12
00:19:16,500 --> 00:19:17,800
Come on in, fellas.
13
00:19:22,300 --> 00:19:23,300
Morlocks!
14
00:19:23,600 --> 00:19:25,400
Eat him. Eat him.
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00

10000
00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:13,000

The Big Bang Theory - 1x15 - The Pork Chop Indeterminacy
00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,000
00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:02,216
On the other hand,
some physicists are concerned
00:00:02,336 --> 00:00:04,310
that if this supercollider
actually works,
00:00:04,430 --> 00:00:06,523
it'll create a black hole
and swallow up the Earth,
00:00:06,643 --> 00:00:08,336
ending life as we know it.
00:00:08,456 --> 00:00:10,237
What a bunch of crybabies.
00:00:10,732 --> 00:00:12,432

No guts, no glory, man.
00:00:13,498 --> 00:00:14,863
Hey, check it out.
00:00:15,162 --> 00:00:18,143
The School of Pharmacology
is looking for volunteers.
00:00:18,263 --> 00:00:20,732
"We are testing a new medication
for social anxiety,
10
00:00:20,892 --> 00:00:24,776
"panic attacks, agoraphobia
and obsessive compulsive disorder."
11
00:00:26,545 --> 00:00:28,782
Why would they be looking
for test subjects here?
12
00:00:30,134 --> 00:00:31,461
I don't know, Raj.
13
00:00:31,581 --> 00:00:34,335
Maybe the comic book store
doesn't have a bulletin board.
14
00:00:37,973 --> 00:00:40,375
- What's going on?
- Hot girl in Sheldon's office.
15
00:00:41,538 --> 00:00:42,629
Sheldon's office?
16
00:00:44,889 --> 00:00:46,048
Is she lost?
17
00:00:47,300 --> 00:00:48,365
I don't think so.
18
00:00:48,485 --> 00:00:50,595
I followed her here
from the parking lot.
19
00:00:52,590 --> 00:00:54,123
Maybe she's his lawyer.
20
00:00:54,431 --> 00:00:56,618
Well, she's free to examine my briefs.
21
00:00:57,310 --> 00:01:00,188
I know, I'm disgusting.
I should be punished... by her.
22
00:01:00,349 --> 00:01:01,727
Look, I did it again.
23
00:01:02,717 --> 00:01:03,932
That should do it.
24
00:01:04,052 --> 00:01:05,599
Thank you for coming by.
25
00:01:12,187 --> 00:01:13,085
Hello.
26
00:01:14,691 --> 00:01:16,056
Hey, buddy...
27
00:01:18,315 --> 00:01:19,679
"Buddy..."?
28
00:01:20,577 --> 00:01:23,336
Sorry I'm late.
I'm working on a project
29
00:01:23,497 --> 00:01:26,072
that may take me up
on the next space shuttle.
30
00:01:26,651 --> 00:01:29,342
How can you be late?
I wasn't expecting you at all.
31
00:01:30,195 --> 00:01:32,929
Nobody ever expects me.
Sometimes you just look and...
32
00:01:33,090 --> 00:01:34,607
Bam! Howard Wolowitz.
33
00:01:36,801 --> 00:01:38,184
Are you gonna introduce us?
34
00:01:38,737 --> 00:01:40,353

All right. This is Missy.
35
00:01:40,676 --> 00:01:44,190
Missy, this is Leonard and Rajesh,
and you've already met Howard.
36
00:01:44,351 --> 00:01:47,176
- It's nice to meet you.
- You, too, as well, also.
37
00:01:50,046 --> 00:01:51,698
So, how do you two know each other?
38
00:01:52,543 --> 00:01:55,926
He once spent nine months
with my legs wrapped around his head.
39
00:01:59,437 --> 00:02:00,427
Excuse me?
40
00:02:01,557 --> 00:02:03,996
She's my twin sister.
She thinks she's funny,
41
00:02:04,116 --> 00:02:06,284
but frankly,
I've never been able to see it.
42
00:02:06,404 --> 00:02:09,090
That's because you have
no measurable sense of humor, Shelly.
43
00:02:09,417 --> 00:02:12,015
How exactly would one
measure a sense of humor?
44
00:02:12,342 --> 00:02:13,800
A humormometer?
45
00:02:16,841 --> 00:02:18,961
I think you're delightfully droll.
46
00:02:19,081 --> 00:02:21,559
Or, as the French say,
très drôle.
47
00:02:22,232 --> 00:02:23,730
So let me see if I got this.

48
00:02:24,244 --> 00:02:26,733
Leonard, Howard and...
49
00:02:26,894 --> 00:02:28,935
I'm sorry, what was your name again?
50
00:02:55,850 --> 00:02:56,729
Rajesh.
51
00:03:18,200 --> 00:03:21,000
The Pork Chop Indeterminacy
00:03:22,400 --> 00:03:24,600
So Missy, what brings you
all the way from Texas?
00:03:24,700 --> 00:03:26,900
Was it perhaps destiny?
I think it was destiny.
00:03:27,400 --> 00:03:29,700
My friend's getting married
at Disneyland tomorrow night.

4
00:03:29,800 --> 00:03:32,100
Destiny, thy name is Anaheim.
00:03:34,700 --> 00:03:38,000
And I had to drop off some papers
for Shelly to sign for my Dad's estate.
00:03:38,100 --> 00:03:41,600
The papers could've been mailed.
Mom sent you to spy on me, didn't she?
00:03:41,800 --> 00:03:44,100
I guess that's why
they call you a genius.
00:03:44,300 --> 00:03:46,700
They call me a genius
because I'm a genius.
00:03:47,800 --> 00:03:50,500
Tell Mom that
I currently weigh 165 pounds
10
00:03:50,700 --> 00:03:52,900
and that I'm having
regular bowel movements.
11
00:03:54,100 --> 00:03:55,700
Enjoy the wedding. Good-bye.
12
00:03:58,800 --> 00:04:02,300
If the wedding's not until tomorrow,
why don't you stay with us tonight?
13
00:04:02,500 --> 00:04:05,000
I don't think so.
Shelly doesn't like company.
14
00:04:05,200 --> 00:04:07,600
Even as a little boy,
he'd send his imaginary friends home
15
00:04:07,700 --> 00:04:09,000
at the end of the day.
16
00:04:09,400 --> 00:04:12,600
They were not friends.
They were imaginary colleagues.

17
00:04:13,500 --> 00:04:15,900
Look, you're here.
We have plenty of room.
18
00:04:16,100 --> 00:04:17,100
No, we don't.
19
00:04:17,200 --> 00:04:19,500
Come on, Shelly.
She's family.
20
00:04:20,100 --> 00:04:22,800
So what, I don't issue invitations
to your mother.
21
00:04:24,000 --> 00:04:26,700
It would be nice not to have
to drive to Anaheim in rush hour.
22
00:04:26,900 --> 00:04:28,600
And don't ever call me Shelly.
23
00:04:29,500 --> 00:04:31,300

So it's settled: you'll stay with us.
24
00:04:31,500 --> 00:04:34,600
Yeah, I'll walk you to your car.
You're in structure 3, level C, right?
25
00:04:38,800 --> 00:04:40,300
What just happened?
26
00:04:42,500 --> 00:04:44,400
So anyway, we're eight years old
27
00:04:44,500 --> 00:04:46,600
and Sheldon converts
my Easy Bake Oven
28
00:04:46,700 --> 00:04:48,700
to some kind
of high-powered furnace.
29
00:04:49,600 --> 00:04:50,900
Just classic.
30
00:04:52,400 --> 00:04:55,200

I needed a place to fire
ceramic semiconductor substrates
31
00:04:55,300 --> 00:04:57,100
for homemade integrated circuits.
32
00:04:57,400 --> 00:04:59,400
He was trying to build
some sort of armed robot
33
00:04:59,600 --> 00:05:01,000
to keep me out of his room.
34
00:05:01,300 --> 00:05:04,300
Made necessary by her insistence
on going into my room.
35
00:05:05,000 --> 00:05:07,500
Anyway, I go to make
those little corn muffins they give you.
36
00:05:07,700 --> 00:05:11,000
There's a big flash. Next thing you know
my eyebrows are gone.

37
00:05:12,400 --> 00:05:13,800
Not your eyebrows!
38
00:05:15,200 --> 00:05:17,600
Yep, I had to go through
the entire second grade
39
00:05:17,700 --> 00:05:20,100
with crooked eyebrows
my mom drew on.
40
00:05:20,400 --> 00:05:21,800
Is that what that was?
41
00:05:22,000 --> 00:05:26,000
I just assumed that the second grade
curriculum had rendered you quizzical.
42
00:05:29,200 --> 00:05:32,000
You left your underwear
in the dryer downstairs.
43
00:05:38,300 --> 00:05:39,600
Those are not mine.

44
00:05:41,200 --> 00:05:44,300
Really? They have
your little name label in them.
45
00:05:45,500 --> 00:05:47,800
Yeah, no, I do... I use those...
46
00:05:48,100 --> 00:05:51,600
just to polish up
my spearfishing equipment.
47
00:05:53,800 --> 00:05:54,900
I spearfish.
48
00:05:59,100 --> 00:06:01,600
When I'm not crossbow hunting,
I spearfish.
49
00:06:04,900 --> 00:06:07,000
This is Sheldon's twin sister, Missy.
50
00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:08,700
This is our neighbor, Penny.

51
00:06:08,900 --> 00:06:12,100
- You don't look that much alike.
- Can I get a hallelujah?
52
00:06:13,500 --> 00:06:15,600
Fraternal twins come
from two separate eggs.
53
00:06:15,700 --> 00:06:17,800
They are no more alike
than any other siblings.
54
00:06:20,600 --> 00:06:22,400
Hey, guess what.
I've been accepted
55
00:06:22,600 --> 00:06:26,400
as a test subject for a new miracle drug
to overcome pathological shyness.
56
00:06:27,100 --> 00:06:30,500
- Good for you, Raj.
- Yes, I'm very hopeful. Hello, Missy.

57
00:06:41,100 --> 00:06:43,500
They mentioned
there may be side effects.
58
00:06:45,600 --> 00:06:46,700
So, Missy,
59
00:06:47,500 --> 00:06:50,900
have you ever met a man
from the exotic subcontinent of India?
60
00:06:52,400 --> 00:06:54,800
Well, there's Dr. Patel at our church.
61
00:06:54,900 --> 00:06:56,700
Yes, Patel... good man.
62
00:06:57,100 --> 00:06:59,900
Do you like motorcycles?
'Cause I ride a hog.
63
00:07:00,800 --> 00:07:04,000
A hog? You have a two-cylinder scooter
with a basket in the front.

64
00:07:05,900 --> 00:07:08,100
You still have to wear a helmet.
65
00:07:09,900 --> 00:07:12,000
Have you ever heard
of the Kama Sutra?
66
00:07:12,100 --> 00:07:14,600
- The sex book.
- The Indian sex book.
67
00:07:15,100 --> 00:07:16,900
In other words,
if you "wonder, wonder
68
00:07:17,100 --> 00:07:19,700
who wrote the book of love,"
it was us.
69
00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:25,200
- Sheldon's sister is pretty cute, huh?
- I wasn't staring.
70
00:07:27,200 --> 00:07:30,000
I didn't say you were.
I just said she was cute.
71
00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:33,000
Maybe,
72
00:07:33,500 --> 00:07:35,800
if you like women who are tall...
73
00:07:37,000 --> 00:07:38,200
and perfect.
74
00:07:41,200 --> 00:07:43,300
Sheldon, why are you
ignoring your sister?
75
00:07:43,500 --> 00:07:46,500
I'm not ignoring my sister.
I'm ignoring all of you.
76
00:07:47,900 --> 00:07:49,100
I brought snacks!
77
00:07:49,600 --> 00:07:52,500
Oh, my, gherkins and...
78
00:07:53,400 --> 00:07:55,300
Onion dip. It's onion dip.
79
00:07:58,000 --> 00:07:59,600
We don't entertain much.
80
00:08:01,900 --> 00:08:04,200
Missy.
Do you enjoy pajamas?
81
00:08:05,500 --> 00:08:07,900
- I guess.
- We Indians invented them.
82
00:08:09,100 --> 00:08:10,300
You're welcome.
83
00:08:11,900 --> 00:08:14,500
Yeah, well, my people
invented circumcision.
84
00:08:19,400 --> 00:08:20,800
You're welcome.
85
00:08:22,500 --> 00:08:25,100
Missy, I'm gonna go get my nails done.
Do you want to come?
86
00:08:25,300 --> 00:08:27,500
God, yes.
Thanks.
87
00:08:27,900 --> 00:08:29,100
You're welcome.
88
00:08:30,300 --> 00:08:32,800
- Bye, guys.
- Bye, Missy, see you.
89
00:08:33,300 --> 00:08:36,000
- Goodbye, Leonard.
- Oh, yeah, no, bye, Penny.
90
00:08:38,000 --> 00:08:39,500
You two have to back off.

91
00:08:39,600 --> 00:08:41,500
Why should I back off?
You back off, dude.
92
00:08:41,700 --> 00:08:44,200
Excuse me, this is my apartment,
and she's my roommate's sister.
93
00:08:44,400 --> 00:08:47,100
- So what? You've already got Penny!
- How do I have Penny?
94
00:08:47,200 --> 00:08:49,100
In what universe do I have Penny?
95
00:08:50,500 --> 00:08:52,500
- So I can have Penny?
- Hell, no!
96
00:08:53,900 --> 00:08:56,100
Excuse me.
Can I interject something?
97
00:08:57,800 --> 00:09:01,000

I'm ordering pizza online.
Is everyone okay with pepperoni?
98
00:09:03,200 --> 00:09:06,300
- Sheldon, can I talk to you in private?
- I guess.
99
00:09:06,900 --> 00:09:09,100
Don't worry. I was going
to order you cheese-less.
100
00:09:09,300 --> 00:09:10,600
- Thank you.
- It's okay.
101
00:09:10,700 --> 00:09:13,700
Lactose intolerance
is nothing to be embarrassed about.
102
00:09:15,600 --> 00:09:18,500
I'm a fancy Indian man.
We invented pajamas.
103
00:09:19,400 --> 00:09:21,800
Hey, look at me.

I don't have a foreskin.
104
00:09:32,900 --> 00:09:36,200
Are you aware that your sister
is an incredibly attractive woman?
105
00:09:39,000 --> 00:09:41,200
She certainly has the symmetry
and low body fat
106
00:09:41,300 --> 00:09:43,500
that Western culture deems desirable.
107
00:09:43,700 --> 00:09:45,800
It's noteworthy,
at other points in history,
108
00:09:45,900 --> 00:09:47,900
heavier women
were the standard for beauty
109
00:09:48,100 --> 00:09:50,300
because their girth
suggested affluence.
110
00:09:51,300 --> 00:09:52,600
That's fascinating...
111
00:09:52,700 --> 00:09:55,500
I didn't say it was fascinating.
I said it was noteworthy.
112
00:09:56,000 --> 00:09:57,700
All right... noted.
113
00:09:58,800 --> 00:10:01,700
But my point is
that Koothrappali and Wolowitz,
114
00:10:02,600 --> 00:10:04,500
they're hitting on your sister.
115
00:10:08,500 --> 00:10:09,400
Okay.
116
00:10:09,700 --> 00:10:12,200
You know, I don't want to criticize
your rhetorical style,

117
00:10:12,300 --> 00:10:14,600
but we'd be a lot further along
in this conversation
118
00:10:14,700 --> 00:10:16,500
if you'd begun with that thought.
119
00:10:16,900 --> 00:10:18,300
- Great...
- I'm saying
120
00:10:18,400 --> 00:10:21,500
we took quite an unnecessary detour from
what I now understand to be your thesis.
121
00:10:21,700 --> 00:10:22,600
Whatever.
122
00:10:24,200 --> 00:10:26,100
You have to do something about it.
123
00:10:26,600 --> 00:10:29,000
- Why?
- Because she's your sister.

124
00:10:30,300 --> 00:10:31,600
I don't understand.
125
00:10:32,200 --> 00:10:34,600
Yes, we shared a uterus
for nine months,
126
00:10:34,700 --> 00:10:37,800
but since then we've pretty much
gone our own separate ways.
127
00:10:38,800 --> 00:10:41,100
Okay, consider this.
128
00:10:41,400 --> 00:10:43,000
With your father gone,
129
00:10:43,100 --> 00:10:44,800
it is your responsibility
130
00:10:45,200 --> 00:10:48,000
to make sure that Missy
chooses a suitable mate.

131
00:10:50,200 --> 00:10:51,700
I hadn't considered that.
132
00:10:52,700 --> 00:10:54,400
We do share DNA.
133
00:10:54,800 --> 00:10:57,200
So there is the possibility,
however remote,
134
00:10:57,300 --> 00:10:59,000
that resting in her loins
135
00:10:59,100 --> 00:11:02,600
is the potential for another individual
as remarkable as myself.
136
00:11:03,400 --> 00:11:05,000
Exactly.
137
00:11:05,600 --> 00:11:08,600
And you owe it to yourself
and to posterity
138
00:11:08,700 --> 00:11:12,400
to protect the genetic integrity
of your sister's future offspring.
139
00:11:14,600 --> 00:11:15,800
You're right.
140
00:11:16,100 --> 00:11:18,400
If someone wants to get
at Missy's Fallopian tubes,
141
00:11:18,500 --> 00:11:20,300
they'll have to go through me.
142
00:11:29,900 --> 00:11:31,800
I am Shiva the Destroyer!
143
00:11:31,900 --> 00:11:33,600
I will have the woman.
144
00:11:35,000 --> 00:11:38,400
I'm warning you,
I was judo champion at math camp.

145
00:11:39,200 --> 00:11:41,700
All right, now that's enough
juvenile squabbling.
146
00:11:41,800 --> 00:11:43,500
You stop it. Stop it, I say!
147
00:11:44,900 --> 00:11:46,900
I'm going to settle this right now.
148
00:11:47,200 --> 00:11:49,500
Neither of you are good enough
for my sister.
149
00:11:49,700 --> 00:11:51,300
Who are you to decide that?
150
00:11:51,500 --> 00:11:54,400
He's the man of his family.
You have to respect his wishes.
151
00:11:54,600 --> 00:11:56,600
- You're out, too, by the way.

- Say what?
152
00:11:56,900 --> 00:11:58,700
It's nothing personal. I'd just prefer
153
00:11:58,800 --> 00:12:01,000
if my future niece or nephew
didn't become flatulent
154
00:12:01,100 --> 00:12:03,200
every time they ate an eskimo pie.
155
00:12:09,600 --> 00:12:11,200
What are you so happy about?
156
00:12:11,500 --> 00:12:12,500
I'm not happy.
157
00:12:12,800 --> 00:12:15,200
It's the medication.
I can't stop smiling.
158
00:12:21,300 --> 00:12:24,500
Now that Leonard's made me aware

how high the genetic stakes are...
159
00:12:24,600 --> 00:12:27,800
we have to face the fact that none of
you are suitable mates for my sister.
160
00:12:28,300 --> 00:12:30,800
Wait a minute.
Leonard made you aware of that?
161
00:12:32,600 --> 00:12:34,700
We all make mistakes.
Let's move on.
162
00:12:35,500 --> 00:12:37,900
Excuse me, I think you're missing
a big opportunity here.
163
00:12:38,100 --> 00:12:38,900
How so?
164
00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:42,300
Everybody knows genetic diversity
produces the strongest offspring.

165
00:12:42,700 --> 00:12:45,900
Why not put a little mocha
in the family latte?
166
00:12:49,000 --> 00:12:50,500
In principle, you have a point.
167
00:12:50,700 --> 00:12:52,700
But as a practical matter,
need I remind you
168
00:12:52,800 --> 00:12:54,800
that it takes experimental
pharmaceuticals
169
00:12:54,900 --> 00:12:57,400
to simply enable you
to speak to the opposite sex.
170
00:12:58,600 --> 00:13:01,600
I think you're focusing
entirely too much on the drugs.
171
00:13:07,700 --> 00:13:09,100

Is it 'cause I'm Jewish?
172
00:13:09,200 --> 00:13:12,200
'Cause I'd kill my rabbi
with a pork chop to be with your sister.
173
00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:20,900
This has nothing to do with religion.
174
00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:23,500
This has to do with the fact
that you're a tiny, tiny man
175
00:13:23,600 --> 00:13:25,500
who still lives with his mother.
176
00:13:26,400 --> 00:13:28,600
Sheldon, you are really
being unreasonable.
177
00:13:28,900 --> 00:13:29,700
Am I?
178
00:13:30,300 --> 00:13:33,900

Here, eat this cheese without farting
and you can sleep with my sister.
179
00:13:35,600 --> 00:13:36,800
Oh, really?
180
00:13:44,000 --> 00:13:46,000
Shelly, can I speak to you for a minute?
181
00:13:46,100 --> 00:13:46,900
Alone.
182
00:13:47,800 --> 00:13:50,400
Why does everyone suddenly
want to talk to me alone?
183
00:13:50,500 --> 00:13:52,600
Usually nobody wants
to be alone with me.
184
00:13:59,100 --> 00:14:01,400
We all make mistakes.
Let's move on.
185
00:14:04,900 --> 00:14:07,500
I'm not even going to ask
why you're pimping me out for cheese.
186
00:14:09,300 --> 00:14:12,600
But since when do you care at all
about who I sleep with?
187
00:14:13,100 --> 00:14:15,000
Truthfully, I've never given it
any thought,
188
00:14:15,200 --> 00:14:18,600
but it has been pointed out to me
that you carry DNA of great potential.
189
00:14:18,900 --> 00:14:21,600
- What on earth are you talking about?
- Let me explain.
190
00:14:21,800 --> 00:14:24,900
You see,
I'm a superior genetic mutation,
191
00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:28,100

an improvement
on the existing mediocre stock.
192
00:14:30,000 --> 00:14:32,600
And what do you mean, "mediocre stock"?
193
00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:33,800
That would be you.
194
00:14:35,400 --> 00:14:38,600
But residing within you,
is the potential for another me.
195
00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:42,600
Perhaps even taller, smarter,
and less prone to freckling,
196
00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:44,900
a Sheldon 2.0, if you will.
197
00:14:46,500 --> 00:14:47,800
"Sheldon 2.0"?
198
00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:49,000

Exactly.
199
00:14:49,300 --> 00:14:53,000
Now, I am not saying that I should be
the sole decider of who you mate with.
200
00:14:53,100 --> 00:14:54,900
If you're not attracted to the suitor,
201
00:14:55,000 --> 00:14:57,100
the likelihood of conception
will be reduced.
202
00:14:57,300 --> 00:14:59,400
- You have got to be kidding me.
- Not at all.
203
00:14:59,700 --> 00:15:02,700
Frequent coitus dramatically
increases the odds of fertilization.
204
00:15:04,000 --> 00:15:06,000
Okay, Shelly, sit down.
205
00:15:09,500 --> 00:15:12,900
Now I've lived my whole life dealing
with the fact that my twin brother is,
206
00:15:13,200 --> 00:15:14,500
as mom puts it,
207
00:15:14,800 --> 00:15:17,100
"one of God's special, little people".
208
00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:20,500
I always thought I was more
like a cuckoo bird.
209
00:15:20,600 --> 00:15:24,500
You know, a superior creature whose egg
is placed in the nest of ordinary birds.
210
00:15:24,800 --> 00:15:27,100
Of course, the newly hatched cuckoo
eats all the food,
211
00:15:27,300 --> 00:15:29,600
leaving the ordinary siblings
to starve to death.
212
00:15:30,700 --> 00:15:33,300
Luckily for you,
that's where the metaphor ended.
213
00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:36,900
I thought it ended at "cuckoo".
214
00:15:39,700 --> 00:15:41,000
You listen to me.
215
00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:43,600
If you want to start acting
like a brother who cares about me,
216
00:15:43,700 --> 00:15:45,900
then terrific. Bring it on.
217
00:15:46,400 --> 00:15:49,100
But you try one time to tell me
who I should be sleeping with,
218
00:15:49,300 --> 00:15:51,100
and you and I are going

to go round and round
219
00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:53,700
the way we did when we were little.
Remember?
220
00:15:57,700 --> 00:16:00,000
- I have an alternate proposal.
- Go on.
221
00:16:00,700 --> 00:16:01,900
You donate eggs.
222
00:16:02,100 --> 00:16:03,900
We will place them in cryogenic storage.
223
00:16:04,100 --> 00:16:07,000
I will find an appropriate
sperm donor for your eggs,
224
00:16:07,100 --> 00:16:09,500
have them fertilized
and implanted in you.
225
00:16:09,600 --> 00:16:11,600
That way, everybody wins.
226
00:16:20,400 --> 00:16:21,600
Correction.
227
00:16:21,700 --> 00:16:24,000
Missy can date whoever she wants.
228
00:16:26,000 --> 00:16:27,500
Look, we have to settle this.
229
00:16:27,600 --> 00:16:28,600
I agree.
230
00:16:28,700 --> 00:16:31,700
Sheldon's sister is hiding at Penny's
because we've all been hitting on her
231
00:16:31,800 --> 00:16:33,900
- at the same time.
- She's not hiding.
232
00:16:34,000 --> 00:16:37,000

She needed privacy to call her
grandmother who's apparently very sick.
233
00:16:37,200 --> 00:16:39,400
And then I believe
she has to wash her hair.
234
00:16:40,500 --> 00:16:42,700
You poor, deluded bastard.
235
00:16:43,100 --> 00:16:45,500
- Don't start with me.
- You want to go again? Let's go.
236
00:16:45,600 --> 00:16:46,600
Sit down.
237
00:16:48,500 --> 00:16:51,100
If we're going to fight over Missy,
let's do it the right way.
238
00:16:51,300 --> 00:16:52,700
The honorable way.
239
00:16:54,400 --> 00:16:55,500
Take that!
240
00:16:56,300 --> 00:16:57,600
You want some more?
241
00:17:01,200 --> 00:17:02,400
And he's down!
242
00:17:02,500 --> 00:17:05,200
One, two, three...
243
00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:07,300
Come on! Get up!
244
00:17:07,600 --> 00:17:08,800
Stay down, bitch!
245
00:17:11,100 --> 00:17:12,800
Nine, ten.
246
00:17:14,900 --> 00:17:16,500
Natural selection at work.

247
00:17:16,800 --> 00:17:18,500
I weep for humanity.
248
00:17:19,500 --> 00:17:22,100
Excuse me while I go tell
Missy the good news.
249
00:17:28,900 --> 00:17:30,800
- Leonard.
- Hi, Penny. How's it going?
250
00:17:30,900 --> 00:17:33,400
That guy Mike that you were dating,
is that still going on?
251
00:17:33,600 --> 00:17:34,800
Pretty much. Why?
252
00:17:34,900 --> 00:17:37,700
Nothing, just catching up. By the way,
may I speak to Missy, please?
253
00:17:39,100 --> 00:17:40,400
Of course.
254
00:17:41,900 --> 00:17:44,600
- Hi, Leonard. What's up?
- Since you're leaving tomorrow,
255
00:17:44,700 --> 00:17:47,000
I was wondering
if you'd like to go to dinner with me.
256
00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:49,800
That's so sweet. But no thanks.
257
00:17:53,100 --> 00:17:55,200
- Do you have other plans or...
- No.
258
00:17:59,300 --> 00:18:00,400
All right.
259
00:18:02,100 --> 00:18:05,400
- Enjoy the rest of your evening.
- Thanks. See ya.
260
00:18:13,000 --> 00:18:15,300

Here's something we didn't anticipate.
261
00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:22,600
What do you want, Howard?
262
00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:25,300
I'm fine. Thanks for asking.
263
00:18:26,700 --> 00:18:28,400
I've come to call on Missy.
264
00:18:32,800 --> 00:18:35,200
- Hi, Howard.
- The Amazing Howard.
265
00:18:36,900 --> 00:18:39,500
- Do you like magic?
- Not really. No.
266
00:18:40,900 --> 00:18:42,800
Then you are in for a treat.
267
00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:47,200
Behold, an ordinary cane.

268
00:19:20,200 --> 00:19:22,500
Thank you. I apprec...
269
00:19:24,400 --> 00:19:25,600
Apprec...
270
00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:28,200
Appree...
271
00:19:30,400 --> 00:19:33,100
Oh, honey.
Is your medication wearing off?
272
00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:38,200
Well, hi, cutie pie.
273
00:19:38,500 --> 00:19:40,200
I was hoping you'd show up.
274
00:20:08,600 --> 00:20:10,700
We had a dog who made
a noise like that.

275
00:20:11,200 --> 00:20:13,000
Had to put him down.
00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:19,000
Any news you want me
to pass on to Mom?
00:20:19,700 --> 00:20:23,000
Well, she might be interested to know
that I have refocused my research
00:20:23,100 --> 00:20:26,100
from bosonic string theory
to heterotic string theory.
00:20:27,200 --> 00:20:29,100
I'll just tell her you say "hey".
00:20:31,900 --> 00:20:33,900
Well, it was pleasant seeing you,
00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:36,500
other than that business
with my testicles.
7
00:20:38,500 --> 00:20:39,800
Come on, Shelly.
00:20:45,800 --> 00:20:47,800
I want you to know
I'm very proud of you.
00:20:48,300 --> 00:20:49,100
Really?
10
00:20:49,200 --> 00:20:53,000
Yep, I'm always bragging to my friends
about my brother, the rocket scientist.
11
00:20:54,300 --> 00:20:56,900
You tell people I'm a rocket scientist?
12
00:20:58,100 --> 00:20:59,100
Well, yeah.
13
00:20:59,200 --> 00:21:01,200
I'm a theoretical physicist.

14
00:21:01,500 --> 00:21:04,500
15
00:21:05,700 --> 00:21:06,900
Good bye, Shelly.
16
00:21:07,200 --> 00:21:08,900
My God!
17
00:21:09,800 --> 00:21:13,700
Why don't you just tell them that I'm
a toll-taker at the Golden Gate Bridge?
18
00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:18,900
Rocket scientist. How humiliating.
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
10000
00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:13,000

The Big Bang Theory - 1x16 - The Peanut Reaction
00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,000
00:00:01,752 --> 00:00:03,735
- Take him down!
- He's got you, Sheldon.
00:00:03,855 --> 00:00:06,234
- Look at this move!
- He's completely schooling you.
00:00:06,354 --> 00:00:09,523
Hey, guys, some of the other waitresses
wanted me to ask you something.
00:00:09,643 --> 00:00:10,972
It's called Tresling.
00:00:11,132 --> 00:00:13,286
It combines the physical strength
of arm wrestling
6
00:00:13,406 --> 00:00:16,603
with the mental agility of Tetris
into the ultimate sport.
00:00:16,763 --> 00:00:18,883
That's terrific,
but they wanted me to ask you
00:00:19,003 --> 00:00:20,565
to cut it the hell out.
00:00:20,726 --> 00:00:22,502
Great. Come here, guys. Come on.
10
00:00:22,814 --> 00:00:26,696
Happy birthday to you
11
00:00:26,856 --> 00:00:29,964
We might as well stop. It's a stalemate.
You're beating me in Tetris,
12
00:00:30,084 --> 00:00:32,911
but you've got the upper body
strength of a Keebler elf.

13
00:00:33,071 --> 00:00:35,372
Keebler elf?
I've got your Keebler elf right here.
14
00:00:40,411 --> 00:00:42,027
Okay, it's a stalemate.
15
00:00:44,120 --> 00:00:46,216
So, Leonard, will we be
seeing you on Saturday
16
00:00:46,377 --> 00:00:48,986
- for your free birthday cheesecake?
- He can't eat cheesecake.
17
00:00:49,106 --> 00:00:51,721
- He's lactose intolerant.
- He can have carrot cake.
18
00:00:51,882 --> 00:00:54,766
- What about the cream cheese frosting?
- He can scrape it off.
19
00:00:56,231 --> 00:00:58,937

Forget about the cake.
How do you know my birthday's Saturday?
20
00:00:59,098 --> 00:01:01,686
I did your horoscope, remember?
I was gonna do everybody's,
21
00:01:01,806 --> 00:01:04,234
until Sheldon went on
one of his typical psychotic rants.
22
00:01:05,243 --> 00:01:08,606
For the record, "that psychotic rant"
was a concise summation
23
00:01:08,726 --> 00:01:12,534
of the research of Bertram Forer,
who, in 1948, proved conclusively
24
00:01:12,695 --> 00:01:14,553
through meticulously
designed experiments
25
00:01:14,673 --> 00:01:17,038
that astrology is nothing

but pseudo-scientific hokum.
26
00:01:17,199 --> 00:01:18,998
Blah, blah, blah. Typical Taurus.
27
00:01:20,451 --> 00:01:22,042
Are we gonna see you Saturday?
28
00:01:22,204 --> 00:01:23,836
- I don't think so.
- Why not?
29
00:01:23,998 --> 00:01:26,548
- I don't celebrate my birthday.
- Shut up. Yeah, you do.
30
00:01:26,708 --> 00:01:28,842
It's no big deal;
it's just the way I was raised.
31
00:01:29,157 --> 00:01:31,469
My parents focused
on celebrating achievements,
32
00:01:31,629 --> 00:01:34,764
and being expelled from a birth canal
was not considered one of them.
33
00:01:36,037 --> 00:01:37,275
That's so silly.
34
00:01:37,395 --> 00:01:39,553
It's actually based
on very sound theories.
35
00:01:39,673 --> 00:01:42,435
- His mother published a paper on it.
- What was it called?
36
00:01:42,555 --> 00:01:44,733
"I Hate My Son
and That's Why He Can't Have Cake"?
37
00:01:45,945 --> 00:01:47,444
It was obviously effective.
38
00:01:47,605 --> 00:01:49,748
Leonard grew up to be
an experimental physicist.
39
00:01:49,868 --> 00:01:51,792
Perhaps if she'd also denied him
Christmas,
40
00:01:51,912 --> 00:01:53,430
he'd be a little better at it.
41
00:01:54,605 --> 00:01:56,369
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
42
00:01:56,530 --> 00:01:57,824
Well, I love birthdays.
43
00:01:57,944 --> 00:02:00,662
Waking up to Mom's special
French toast breakfast,
44
00:02:00,782 --> 00:02:02,392
wearing the birthday king crown,
45
00:02:02,512 --> 00:02:04,335
playing laser tag with all my friends...

46
00:02:04,496 --> 00:02:06,546
Yeah, see?
That's what kids should have.
47
00:02:06,707 --> 00:02:08,483
Actually, that was last year.
48
00:02:12,204 --> 00:02:15,388
So you really never had
a birthday party?
49
00:02:15,548 --> 00:02:18,642
No, but it was okay.
When I was little, I'd think
50
00:02:18,762 --> 00:02:21,700
maybe my parents would change their mind
and surprise me with a party.
51
00:02:21,820 --> 00:02:24,147
Like this one birthday
I came home from my cello lesson
52
00:02:24,308 --> 00:02:26,511
and I saw a lot of strange
cars parked out front.
53
00:02:26,631 --> 00:02:28,937
When I got to the door,
I could hear people whispering
54
00:02:29,057 --> 00:02:31,988
and I could smell German chocolate cake,
which is my favorite.
55
00:02:33,104 --> 00:02:33,865
And?
56
00:02:34,026 --> 00:02:36,056
It turns out my grandfather had died.
57
00:02:37,504 --> 00:02:39,662
Oh, my God. That's terrible.
58
00:02:39,822 --> 00:02:42,040
Well, it was kind
of like a birthday party.

59
00:02:42,949 --> 00:02:46,072
I got to see all my cousins,
and there was cake, so...
60
00:02:47,386 --> 00:02:49,213
It's the saddest thing I've ever heard.
61
00:02:49,374 --> 00:02:50,215
You think?
62
00:02:50,376 --> 00:02:52,467
Go ahead, tell her about
your senior prom.
63
00:03:15,300 --> 00:03:18,100
Episode 16:
The Peanut Reaction
00:03:20,700 --> 00:03:22,500
Make sure they remember, no peanuts.
00:03:22,700 --> 00:03:26,200
Howard, every Thai restaurant in town
knows you can't eat peanuts.

3
00:03:27,300 --> 00:03:30,400
When they see me coming,
they go, "Ah, no-peanut boy!"
00:03:41,700 --> 00:03:45,100
- Hello, Penny. Leonard just left.
- I know. I want to talk to you.
00:03:45,600 --> 00:03:46,900
What would we talk about?
00:03:47,600 --> 00:03:49,700
We have no overlapping
areas of interest I'm aware of.
00:03:49,800 --> 00:03:51,700
As you know, I don't care for chitchat.
00:03:52,100 --> 00:03:53,800
- Can you just let me in?
- All right,
00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:56,000

but I don't see this
as a promising endeavor.
10
00:03:57,900 --> 00:04:00,600
Here's the deal. We're gonna throw
Leonard a kick-ass surprise party
11
00:04:00,800 --> 00:04:03,200
- for his birthday on Saturday.
- I hardly think so.
12
00:04:03,300 --> 00:04:05,400
Leonard made it very clear
he doesn't want a party.
13
00:04:05,600 --> 00:04:07,200
Did someone say... "party"?
14
00:04:09,400 --> 00:04:12,500
He just doesn't know he wants
one 'cause he's never had one.
15
00:04:12,600 --> 00:04:14,700
I suppose that's possible,
but for the record,

16
00:04:14,800 --> 00:04:17,400
I've never had a threesome
and yet I still know I want one.
17
00:04:19,900 --> 00:04:22,400
Howard, here's the difference...
The possibility exists
18
00:04:22,500 --> 00:04:25,800
that Leonard could have a birthday party
before hell freezes over.
19
00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:30,700
Fine. If I do have a threesome,
you can't be part of it.
20
00:04:32,500 --> 00:04:34,200
I'm just kidding. Yes, you can.
21
00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:37,000
Can you bring a friend?
22
00:04:39,200 --> 00:04:41,600

I think a birthday party's
a terrible idea.
23
00:04:41,700 --> 00:04:44,600
I envy Leonard for growing up
without that anguish.
24
00:04:44,800 --> 00:04:45,600
Anguish?!
25
00:04:45,800 --> 00:04:47,800
Year after year, I had to endure
26
00:04:48,000 --> 00:04:50,100
wearing comical hats while being forced
27
00:04:50,200 --> 00:04:52,600
into the crowded, sweaty
hell of bouncy castles.
28
00:04:52,700 --> 00:04:54,500
Not to mention being blindfolded
29
00:04:54,600 --> 00:04:56,800

and spun toward a grotesque
tailless donkey
30
00:04:56,900 --> 00:04:59,200
as the other children mocked
my disorientation.
31
00:05:00,700 --> 00:05:02,100
Okay, sweetie, I understand
32
00:05:02,300 --> 00:05:04,900
you have scars
that no nonprofessional can heal,
33
00:05:05,300 --> 00:05:07,900
but, nevertheless, we're going
to throw Leonard a birthday party.
34
00:05:08,100 --> 00:05:10,500
Have I pointed out that I'm extremely
uncomfortable with dancing,
35
00:05:10,600 --> 00:05:13,500
loud music and most other forms
of alcohol-induced frivolity?
36
00:05:15,200 --> 00:05:17,000
- Nevertheless...
- In addition, I...
37
00:05:17,100 --> 00:05:18,200
Here's the deal:
38
00:05:18,300 --> 00:05:21,600
You either help me throw a birthday
party or I will go into your bedroom
39
00:05:21,700 --> 00:05:24,200
and unbag all of your most valuable
mint-condition comic books.
40
00:05:24,400 --> 00:05:26,200
And on one of them,
you won't know which,
41
00:05:26,300 --> 00:05:28,200
I'll draw a tiny happy face in ink.
42
00:05:30,700 --> 00:05:33,700

You can't do that. If you make a mark
in a mint comic, it's no longer mint.
43
00:05:34,800 --> 00:05:36,900
Do you understand
the concept of blackmail?
44
00:05:37,100 --> 00:05:38,500
Well, of course, I...
45
00:05:41,400 --> 00:05:44,600
I have an idea. Let's throw Leonard
a kick-ass birthday party.
46
00:06:04,500 --> 00:06:06,000
That's not the secret knock.
47
00:06:07,700 --> 00:06:09,400
This is the secret knock.
48
00:06:13,200 --> 00:06:14,600
What difference does it make?
49
00:06:14,800 --> 00:06:17,900

The whole point of a secret knock
is to establish a non-verbal signal
50
00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:20,800
to verify the identity
of one's co-conspirators.
51
00:06:21,200 --> 00:06:24,100
- Is that Raj and Howard?
- Possibly, but unverified.
52
00:06:24,600 --> 00:06:26,200
Will you just let us in.
53
00:06:26,300 --> 00:06:29,000
Luckily for you,
this is not a nuclear reactor.
54
00:06:29,600 --> 00:06:32,700
- So what'd you get the birthday boy?
- Well, Raj got him an awesome,
55
00:06:32,900 --> 00:06:36,300
limited edition Dark Knight sculpture
based on Alex Ross's definitive Batman.

56
00:06:36,400 --> 00:06:38,400
And I got him this amazing
autographed copy
57
00:06:38,500 --> 00:06:40,200
of The Feynman Lectures on Physics.
58
00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:41,600
Nice.
59
00:06:42,100 --> 00:06:43,500
I got him a sweater.
60
00:06:44,700 --> 00:06:47,600
Okay, well, he might like that.
I've seen him get chilly.
61
00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:52,300
- Sheldon, I didn't see your present.
- That's because I didn't bring one.
62
00:06:52,500 --> 00:06:53,800
- Why not?
- Don't ask.
63
00:06:53,900 --> 00:06:56,800
The entire institution
of gift-giving makes no sense.
64
00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:58,800
- Too late.
- Let's say I go out
65
00:06:58,900 --> 00:07:00,500
and I spend $50 on you.
66
00:07:00,600 --> 00:07:03,400
It's a laborious activity
because I have to imagine what you need,
67
00:07:03,600 --> 00:07:05,200
whereas you know what you need.
68
00:07:05,300 --> 00:07:08,500
Now, I could simplify things...
just give you the $50 directly,
69
00:07:08,600 --> 00:07:10,200
and then you could give me $50
70
00:07:10,400 --> 00:07:12,800
on my birthday, and so on,
until one of us dies,
71
00:07:12,900 --> 00:07:15,400
leaving the other one old
and $50 richer.
72
00:07:17,800 --> 00:07:19,700
And I ask you, is it worth it?
73
00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:22,400
Told you not to ask.
74
00:07:23,200 --> 00:07:26,400
Sheldon, you're his friend.
Friends give each other presents.
75
00:07:26,900 --> 00:07:29,000
I accept your premise;
I reject your conclusion.

76
00:07:31,300 --> 00:07:34,800
Try telling him
it's a non-optional social convention.
77
00:07:35,300 --> 00:07:36,800
- What?
- Just do it.
78
00:07:39,700 --> 00:07:43,000
It's a non-optional...
social convention.
79
00:07:44,200 --> 00:07:45,600
Oh. Fair enough.
80
00:07:49,300 --> 00:07:50,900
He came with a manual.
81
00:07:52,200 --> 00:07:55,100
Question. How am I going to get Leonard
a present before the party?
82
00:07:55,400 --> 00:07:58,200
I don't drive and the only things

available within walking distance
83
00:07:58,300 --> 00:08:00,200
are a Thai restaurant and a gas station.
84
00:08:00,300 --> 00:08:02,300
I suppose I could wrap up
an order of mee krob
85
00:08:02,400 --> 00:08:04,200
and a couple of lottery scratchers.
86
00:08:04,900 --> 00:08:06,100
Okay let's do this...
87
00:08:06,200 --> 00:08:09,300
I will drive Sheldon to get a present.
Howard, you need to get rid of Leonard
88
00:08:09,400 --> 00:08:11,100
- for about 2 hours.
- No problem.
89
00:08:11,300 --> 00:08:14,500

And then, Raj, you bring the stuff
across the hall and start setting up.
90
00:08:15,600 --> 00:08:17,000
What if guests show up?
91
00:08:17,500 --> 00:08:18,800
Entertain them.
92
00:08:19,500 --> 00:08:21,000
What if they're women?
93
00:08:22,400 --> 00:08:24,700
Stare at them and make them
feel uncomfortable.
94
00:08:37,900 --> 00:08:39,800
- How's it goin'?
- Fine.
95
00:08:40,800 --> 00:08:44,100
So listen, the NuArt
is showing the revised,
96
00:08:44,200 --> 00:08:46,200
definitive cut of Blade Runner.
97
00:08:46,300 --> 00:08:47,200
Seen it.
98
00:08:47,400 --> 00:08:50,100
No, you've seen
the 25th Anniversary Final Cut.
99
00:08:50,900 --> 00:08:53,900
This one has eight seconds
of previously unseen footage.
100
00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:56,700
They say it completely changes
the tone of the film.
101
00:08:57,500 --> 00:08:58,300
Pass.
102
00:08:59,100 --> 00:09:03,100
Come on. Afterwards, there's a Q & A
with Harrison Ford's body double.

103
00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:06,500
Look, I'm in the Halo
battle of my life here.
104
00:09:06,600 --> 00:09:09,000
There's this kid in Copenhagen...
he has no immune system,
105
00:09:09,100 --> 00:09:12,200
so all he does is sit in his bubble
and play Halo 24-seven.
106
00:09:13,200 --> 00:09:17,000
- Can't you play him some other time?
- Not if you believe his doctors.
107
00:09:20,800 --> 00:09:22,700
Oh, my God, do you smell gas?
108
00:09:24,200 --> 00:09:25,600
- No.
- Yeah, no.
109
00:09:30,900 --> 00:09:32,400

They have DVDs over there.
110
00:09:32,600 --> 00:09:35,300
Yes, but they have
DVD burners over here.
111
00:09:36,600 --> 00:09:38,600
Leonard needs a DVD burner.
112
00:09:39,700 --> 00:09:43,200
A gift shouldn't be something someone
needs, it should be something fun.
113
00:09:43,400 --> 00:09:45,500
Something
they wouldn't buy for themself.
114
00:09:45,700 --> 00:09:47,400
You mean like a sweater?
115
00:09:50,500 --> 00:09:52,000
It's a fun sweater.
116
00:09:52,200 --> 00:09:54,300

It's got a bold geometric print.
117
00:09:54,800 --> 00:09:57,000
Is it the geometry that makes it fun?
118
00:09:58,100 --> 00:10:00,800
The point is one of the ways
we show we care about people
119
00:10:00,900 --> 00:10:03,800
is by putting thought and imagination
into the gifts we give them.
120
00:10:04,500 --> 00:10:07,400
Okay, I see. So, not a DVD burner.
121
00:10:08,100 --> 00:10:08,900
Exactly.
122
00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:11,700
Something he wouldn't buy for himself,
something fun,
123
00:10:11,800 --> 00:10:15,000

Something like...
An 802-11n wireless router!
124
00:10:19,500 --> 00:10:21,300
Here you go, Copenhagen boy.
125
00:10:21,500 --> 00:10:24,200
How about a taste
of Hans Christian hand grenade?
126
00:10:27,500 --> 00:10:28,900
That could not feel good.
127
00:10:32,300 --> 00:10:34,500
Come on, come... Oh, you clever...
128
00:10:39,100 --> 00:10:40,000
Come on.
129
00:10:41,400 --> 00:10:42,400
Take that!
130
00:10:49,700 --> 00:10:52,000
- What's the matter?

- This granola bar has peanuts in it!
131
00:10:52,100 --> 00:10:55,600
- Oh, my God. Why did you eat it?
- I don't know. It was just there!
132
00:10:55,900 --> 00:10:58,800
If I had a gun there,
would you have shot yourself?
133
00:10:59,500 --> 00:11:02,200
Don't yell at me!
I've got to go to the emergency room!
134
00:11:02,300 --> 00:11:04,500
- Now?!
- No, after my tongue has swollen
135
00:11:04,600 --> 00:11:06,200
to the size of a brisket!
136
00:11:07,100 --> 00:11:09,400
All right, just let me get my keys.
137
00:11:09,900 --> 00:11:11,700
Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God!
138
00:11:13,200 --> 00:11:15,400
The laundry is out of the hamper.
139
00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:21,400
Okay, Sheldon,
what was it supposed to be?
140
00:11:22,500 --> 00:11:24,400
Fine. It's out of the washer!
141
00:11:25,300 --> 00:11:27,500
I'll call you when it's in the dryer.
142
00:11:28,400 --> 00:11:29,800
All right, let's go.
00:11:41,800 --> 00:11:43,900
- What do you think?
- That one.
00:11:44,000 --> 00:11:46,300

Because of the two
additional Ethernet ports?
00:11:46,500 --> 00:11:47,600
- Sure.
- No need,
00:11:47,700 --> 00:11:49,800
he's already got
a six-port Ethernet switch.
00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:51,500
- Okay, then this one.
- Why?
00:11:51,900 --> 00:11:54,400
I don't know.
The man on the box looks so happy.
00:11:55,200 --> 00:11:58,400
Penny, if I'm going to buy Leonard
a gift, I'm going to do it right.
00:11:58,700 --> 00:12:01,600
I refuse to let him experience

the same childhood trauma I did.
00:12:02,500 --> 00:12:05,000
I know I'm gonna regret this,
but: What trauma?
10
00:12:06,800 --> 00:12:08,100
On my 12th birthday,
11
00:12:08,300 --> 00:12:10,500
I really wanted a titanium centrifuge
12
00:12:10,600 --> 00:12:13,200
so, you know,
I could separate radioactive isotopes.
13
00:12:13,800 --> 00:12:14,700
Of course.
14
00:12:15,000 --> 00:12:18,300
Instead of a titanium centrifuge,
my parents bought me...
15
00:12:19,200 --> 00:12:20,300

This is hard.
16
00:12:21,500 --> 00:12:22,500
They got me
17
00:12:23,100 --> 00:12:24,600
a motorized dirt bike.
18
00:12:28,700 --> 00:12:31,500
What 12-year-old boy wants
a motorized dirt bike?
19
00:12:33,100 --> 00:12:34,200
All of them?
20
00:12:34,700 --> 00:12:35,900
- Really?
- Yeah.
21
00:12:39,600 --> 00:12:40,900
So we're getting this one?
22
00:12:41,100 --> 00:12:43,200
- Yeah, I suppose.
- All right, let's go.
23
00:12:43,800 --> 00:12:46,300
Excuse me.
Do you know anything about this stuff?
24
00:12:46,700 --> 00:12:48,600
I know everything about this stuff.
25
00:12:48,800 --> 00:12:51,400
Okay, I have my own
wholesale flower business
26
00:12:51,600 --> 00:12:53,900
and I want to hook up
my computer in the front entrance
27
00:12:54,000 --> 00:12:56,000
with the one in my
refrigerated warehouse.
28
00:12:56,100 --> 00:12:58,500
Buy this one:
it's the one we're getting. Happy guy.

29
00:12:58,700 --> 00:13:00,100
No, she doesn't want that.
30
00:13:00,200 --> 00:13:04,100
She needs a point-to-point
peer network with a range extender.
31
00:13:04,500 --> 00:13:05,400
Thank you.
32
00:13:05,600 --> 00:13:07,300
Which hard drive do I want...
33
00:13:07,400 --> 00:13:09,100
firewire or USB?
34
00:13:09,300 --> 00:13:11,300
It depends on what buss
you have available.
35
00:13:15,200 --> 00:13:17,400
I drive a Chevy Cavalier.
36
00:13:19,100 --> 00:13:20,500
Oh, dear Lord.
37
00:13:20,700 --> 00:13:22,300
- We have to go.
- Not now.
38
00:13:22,400 --> 00:13:25,400
This poor man needs me.
You, hold on. I'll be right with you.
39
00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:29,300
What computer do you have?
And please don't say "a white one."
40
00:13:35,400 --> 00:13:37,800
- Excuse me.
- Fill this out. Have a seat.
41
00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:40,200
Listen. We're throwing
my friend a surprise party
42
00:13:40,300 --> 00:13:42,700
I'm supposed to keep him out

of his apartment for 2 hours.
43
00:13:43,100 --> 00:13:44,700
Fill this out and have a seat.
44
00:13:44,900 --> 00:13:46,700
No, the only way I could
get him to leave
45
00:13:46,900 --> 00:13:49,500
was to tell him I ate a peanut
because I'm allergic to peanuts.
46
00:13:49,700 --> 00:13:52,500
Well, in that case,
fill this out and have a seat.
47
00:13:53,700 --> 00:13:56,400
All I need from you is to take me
in the back and give me a Band-Aid
48
00:13:56,600 --> 00:13:59,100
so I can pretend I had a shot of
epinephrine, and you tell my friend

49
00:13:59,200 --> 00:14:01,300
you need to keep me under observation
for 1 hour 1/2.
50
00:14:01,400 --> 00:14:02,800
- Is that all you need?
- Yes.
51
00:14:02,900 --> 00:14:04,300
Get out of my ER.
52
00:14:05,300 --> 00:14:08,100
- No, you don't understand.
- I understand, but unfortunately,
53
00:14:08,200 --> 00:14:10,800
this hospital is not equipped
to treat stupid.
54
00:14:12,600 --> 00:14:15,000
Okay, I get it.
I know how the world works.
55
00:14:15,300 --> 00:14:17,500

How about if I were to introduce to you
56
00:14:17,900 --> 00:14:20,000
to the man who freed your people?
57
00:14:24,800 --> 00:14:27,300
Unless my people were freed
by Benjamin Franklin
58
00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:30,000
and his five twin brothers,
you are wasting your time.
59
00:14:32,600 --> 00:14:34,600
Sorry, I couldn't find a parking spot.
60
00:14:34,700 --> 00:14:36,800
- How are you doing?
- Bad, very bad.
61
00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:39,200
Really? You don't look like
you're swelling up at all.
62
00:14:39,400 --> 00:14:41,800
We should just pick up some Benadryl
at the drugstore and go home.
63
00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:44,000
- We can't go home.
- Why not?
64
00:14:44,500 --> 00:14:45,800
Because...
65
00:14:46,500 --> 00:14:47,600
because...
66
00:14:48,600 --> 00:14:50,200
Brisket! Brisket!
67
00:14:51,700 --> 00:14:54,200
- Water! Need water!
- I'll be right back.
68
00:14:59,100 --> 00:15:00,400
I've got a problem.
69
00:15:00,700 --> 00:15:03,300
Well, so do I.
You gotta stall Leonard a little longer.
70
00:15:03,500 --> 00:15:05,200
- I don't think I can.
- You have to.
71
00:15:05,300 --> 00:15:07,600
We all have to be there
at the same time to yell surprise.
72
00:15:07,700 --> 00:15:10,500
You have to understand something.
We're in a hospital right now.
73
00:15:10,700 --> 00:15:13,700
- Why? Is Leonard okay?
- Leonard's fine. I'm fine.
74
00:15:13,800 --> 00:15:15,500
Thanks for asking, by the way.
75
00:15:15,900 --> 00:15:19,100
Okay, I don't need your attitude.

Just hold him there a little longer.
76
00:15:19,200 --> 00:15:22,200
I've done my best, but he wants to go
home and I don't know how to stop him.
77
00:15:23,200 --> 00:15:25,600
Okay, how about this?
You keep him there a little longer,
78
00:15:25,800 --> 00:15:28,800
and when you get to the party, I'll
point out which of my friends are easy?
79
00:15:38,600 --> 00:15:40,400
Don't toy with me, woman.
80
00:15:42,200 --> 00:15:44,400
I got a hot former fat girl
with no self-esteem,
81
00:15:44,600 --> 00:15:46,700
a girl who punishes her father
by sleeping around
82
00:15:46,900 --> 00:15:50,700
a alcoholic who's 2 tequila shots away
from letting you wear her like a hat.
83
00:15:52,600 --> 00:15:54,000
Thy will be done.
84
00:16:04,500 --> 00:16:06,600
I'm doing this for you, little buddy.
85
00:16:12,800 --> 00:16:15,000
Okay, we don't have that in stock...
86
00:16:16,500 --> 00:16:18,900
but I can special-order it for you.
87
00:16:19,600 --> 00:16:20,400
Him.
88
00:16:21,400 --> 00:16:23,600
Excuse me, sir.
You don't work here.
89
00:16:24,700 --> 00:16:27,000
Yes, well, apparently,
neither does anyone else.
90
00:16:28,500 --> 00:16:30,500
- Sheldon, we have to go.
- Why?
91
00:16:30,600 --> 00:16:33,200
For one thing, we're late for
Leonard's birthday party,
92
00:16:33,300 --> 00:16:35,300
and for another,
I told him to call security.
93
00:16:36,900 --> 00:16:38,000
Good luck.
94
00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:42,800
By the way, a six-year-old
could hack your computer system.
95
00:16:43,000 --> 00:16:44,100
Keep walking.
96
00:16:44,200 --> 00:16:46,400
"1234" is not a secure password.
97
00:16:49,400 --> 00:16:52,300
Excuse me, my friend is having
an allergic reaction to peanuts.
98
00:16:52,600 --> 00:16:54,400
- No, he's not.
- Yes, he is.
99
00:16:54,600 --> 00:16:57,000
Look, sir, we are very
busy here, and I...
100
00:16:57,400 --> 00:16:59,000
Holy crap!
101
00:17:00,400 --> 00:17:01,700
Please help me!
102
00:17:02,900 --> 00:17:04,500
Code four! I need a gurney!

103
00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:08,100
- Right away! Right away!
- Thank you.
104
00:17:12,300 --> 00:17:15,000
Say what you will about the
healthcare system in this country,
105
00:17:15,200 --> 00:17:18,100
but when they're afraid of lawsuits,
they sure test everything.
106
00:17:19,200 --> 00:17:22,000
I really don't think
the colonoscopy was necessary.
107
00:17:24,600 --> 00:17:26,500
You know, before you got all swollen up,
108
00:17:26,600 --> 00:17:29,300
I actually thought you were trying
to keep me out of the apartment
109
00:17:29,400 --> 00:17:31,400
so you could throw me a surprise party.
110
00:17:32,200 --> 00:17:34,800
Right, it's your birthday.
I had no idea it was your birthday.
111
00:17:35,000 --> 00:17:37,500
I completely forgot.
What a lousy way to spend a birthday.
112
00:17:37,600 --> 00:17:38,900
It's all over now.
113
00:17:43,000 --> 00:17:44,600
There is a party, isn't there?
114
00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:46,400
Maybe.
115
00:17:49,900 --> 00:17:52,700
- Are you mad?
- How could I be mad?
116
00:17:53,300 --> 00:17:56,600
You actually risked your life
because you care about me.
117
00:17:58,300 --> 00:18:00,000
Yeah, that's why I did it.
118
00:18:03,100 --> 00:18:04,000
All right.
119
00:18:04,800 --> 00:18:05,800
Here we go.
120
00:18:06,900 --> 00:18:08,500
My first birthday party.
121
00:18:19,000 --> 00:18:19,900
Dude,
122
00:18:20,500 --> 00:18:22,100
everybody left an hour ago.
123
00:18:25,000 --> 00:18:26,400
Surprise!
1
00:18:32,000 --> 00:18:35,100
Okay, Leonard.
I am at your birthday party.
00:18:35,400 --> 00:18:38,700
I don't know where you are,
dude, but it's really kick-ass!
00:18:39,500 --> 00:18:42,400
Everyone is very, very drunk and...
00:18:44,500 --> 00:18:47,300
And look,
there's a girl taking her shirt off!
00:18:49,100 --> 00:18:50,700
That's my friend Carol.
00:18:51,000 --> 00:18:53,600
Remind me,
I gotta introduce her to Howard.
00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:57,600

Oh, sweet Krishna,
shake that rupee maker!
00:18:59,800 --> 00:19:02,100
I'm so sorry you didn't get your party.
00:19:02,500 --> 00:19:03,600
It's okay.
10
00:19:06,000 --> 00:19:07,500
Happy birthday, anyways.
11
00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:17,700
When's your birthday?
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
10000
00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:13,000

The Big Bang Theory - 1x17 - The Tangerine Factor
00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,000
00:00:01,700 --> 00:00:03,900
Wo de zing shi Sheldon.
00:00:04,300 --> 00:00:05,300
Non, c'est...
00:00:05,500 --> 00:00:07,600
Wo de ming zi shi Sheldon.
00:00:09,000 --> 00:00:11,500
Wo de ming zi shi Sheldon.
00:00:13,000 --> 00:00:14,000
What's this?
00:00:15,800 --> 00:00:17,200
That's what you did.
7
00:00:17,800 --> 00:00:21,100
I assumed, as in a number of languages,
that the gesture was part of the phrase.
00:00:22,200 --> 00:00:23,200
Well, it's not.
00:00:23,900 --> 00:00:26,900
How am I supposed to know that?
As the teacher, it's your obligation
10
00:00:27,000 --> 00:00:30,100
to separate your personal idiosyncrasies
from the subject matter.
11
00:00:30,600 --> 00:00:33,000
You know, I'm really glad
you decided to learn Mandarin.
12
00:00:33,200 --> 00:00:34,600
- Why?
- Once you're fluent,
13
00:00:34,800 --> 00:00:37,500
you'll have a billion more people

to annoy instead of me.
14
00:00:40,300 --> 00:00:41,800
Mei du lui zi.
15
00:00:42,900 --> 00:00:45,400
You just called Leonard
a syphilitic donkey.
16
00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:48,300
My apologies,
17
00:00:48,500 --> 00:00:50,400
I'm only as good as my teacher.
18
00:00:51,600 --> 00:00:53,200
Why are you learning Chinese?
19
00:00:53,300 --> 00:00:55,600
I believe the Szechuan Palace
has been passing off
20
00:00:55,700 --> 00:00:59,100
orange chicken as tangerine chicken

and I intend to confront them.
21
00:01:00,600 --> 00:01:02,300
If I were you, I'd be more concerned
22
00:01:02,400 --> 00:01:04,400
about what they are passing off
as chicken.
23
00:01:07,500 --> 00:01:10,100
- I need to use your window.
- Sure, go ahead.
24
00:01:12,100 --> 00:01:14,700
Hey, jerk face, you forgot your iPod!
25
00:01:17,200 --> 00:01:19,400
- What's going on?
- I'll tell you what's going on.
26
00:01:19,500 --> 00:01:23,000
That stupid self-centered bastar
wrote about our sex life in his blog.
27
00:01:25,700 --> 00:01:28,300
Drop dead,
you stupid self-centered bastard!
28
00:01:30,700 --> 00:01:31,700
Thank you.
29
00:01:35,200 --> 00:01:36,800
Okay, where were we?
30
00:01:37,400 --> 00:01:39,600
Not now, I have a blog to find.
31
00:02:01,600 --> 00:02:04,200
Episode 117: The Tangerine Factor
33
00:02:11,400 --> 00:02:12,800
Penny, are you okay?
34
00:02:12,900 --> 00:02:14,800
I'm fine, Leonard. Just go away!
35
00:02:16,500 --> 00:02:19,400
I understand that breaking up

with someone can be very painful...
36
00:02:19,500 --> 00:02:21,600
- Go away!
- Okay, feel better! Bye!
37
00:02:27,700 --> 00:02:29,100
She doesn't want to talk.
38
00:02:30,600 --> 00:02:33,400
Not surprising.
Penny's emotional response is originated
39
00:02:33,500 --> 00:02:36,200
in the primitive portion of the brain,
known as the amygdala.
40
00:02:36,400 --> 00:02:39,200
While speech is centered in the much
more recently developed neo-cortex.
41
00:02:39,400 --> 00:02:41,300
The former can easily
overpower the latter,

42
00:02:41,400 --> 00:02:44,500
giving scientific credence to the notion
of being "rendered speechless."
43
00:02:50,700 --> 00:02:52,800
Or maybe she just doesn't want to talk.
44
00:02:55,700 --> 00:02:57,300
Look, I found an iPod!
45
00:03:01,300 --> 00:03:04,100
It's smashed beyond repair.
What are you gonna do with it?
46
00:03:04,800 --> 00:03:07,400
What else?
Sell it on eBay as "slightly used."
47
00:03:08,700 --> 00:03:10,600
It was Penny's boyfriend's,
they broke up.
48
00:03:10,700 --> 00:03:14,000
Apparently, he posted intimate details

of their physical relationship
49
00:03:14,200 --> 00:03:17,400
on his blog
which I cannot find anywhere.
50
00:03:18,900 --> 00:03:21,600
I'm gonna go back
and try talking to her again.
51
00:03:21,700 --> 00:03:23,400
Good idea, sit with her.
52
00:03:23,600 --> 00:03:24,900
Hold her, comfort her.
53
00:03:25,100 --> 00:03:26,700
And if the moment feels right,
54
00:03:26,800 --> 00:03:28,700
see if you can cop a feel.
55
00:03:31,200 --> 00:03:32,900
I'm not going to do that, Howard.

56
00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:36,700
I'm not aware of a new social convention
that requires you to intervene at all.
57
00:03:37,000 --> 00:03:38,600
What about damsel in distress?
58
00:03:39,100 --> 00:03:42,000
Twelfth century code of chivalry?
Not exactly current.
59
00:03:42,900 --> 00:03:45,300
You'd also have to be knighted
for that to apply.
60
00:03:46,500 --> 00:03:48,900
I don't care.
She's upset, I'm going over there.
61
00:03:49,000 --> 00:03:51,900
Remember to sit on your hands a bit,
so they're warm.
62
00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:56,600
I'm her friend. I'm not going
to take advantage of her vulnerability.
63
00:03:57,400 --> 00:03:59,700
So you're saying,
if in the depths of despair,
64
00:03:59,800 --> 00:04:02,300
she throws herself at you
and demands you take her,
65
00:04:02,400 --> 00:04:04,900
right there, right now,
you'll just walk away?
66
00:04:05,700 --> 00:04:07,900
I said I'm her friend,
not her gay friend.
67
00:04:13,300 --> 00:04:15,500
Listen, I know you said
you didn't want to talk...
68
00:04:15,600 --> 00:04:17,000

- I don't.
- Sorry.
69
00:04:17,700 --> 00:04:19,800
- Wait!
- Wait? Did you say "wait"?
70
00:04:22,100 --> 00:04:23,400
Tell me the truth.
71
00:04:23,900 --> 00:04:26,900
Am I just an idiot
who picks giant losers?
72
00:04:29,800 --> 00:04:32,200
So I pick good guys
but turn them into losers.
73
00:04:32,400 --> 00:04:33,900
- Of course not.
- Well,
74
00:04:34,000 --> 00:04:36,600
it's gotta be one or the other.
Which is it?
75
00:04:42,500 --> 00:04:44,800
I'm sorry, what were the choices again?
76
00:04:45,100 --> 00:04:47,100
I really thought Mike was different.
77
00:04:47,200 --> 00:04:48,500
I thought he was...
78
00:04:48,700 --> 00:04:50,400
sensitive and smart,
79
00:04:50,700 --> 00:04:53,600
I mean, not you smart,
normal non-freaky smart.
80
00:04:54,100 --> 00:04:55,400
Yeah, no, sure.
81
00:04:55,500 --> 00:04:57,900
And then he just goes
and has to humiliate me

82
00:04:58,000 --> 00:05:01,500
by writing about me on his blog
so the entire world can read it.
83
00:05:01,600 --> 00:05:04,100
I tell you, it's not all
that easy to find.
84
00:05:04,500 --> 00:05:07,600
Really? My friends at work found it,
my sister found it.
85
00:05:07,700 --> 00:05:09,600
Judging by my email,
a number of prisoners
86
00:05:09,800 --> 00:05:12,300
at the Michigan State
Penitentiary found it.
87
00:05:12,700 --> 00:05:14,700
What exactly did this guy write?
88
00:05:14,900 --> 00:05:18,400

Not that I need to know the details
of your sex life. I just thought...
89
00:05:19,500 --> 00:05:20,500
Never mind.
90
00:05:21,400 --> 00:05:22,700
No, you know what?
91
00:05:23,200 --> 00:05:26,000
You might as well read it.
Everybody else has. Go ahead.
92
00:05:26,600 --> 00:05:29,900
Oh, God, I just feel
so betrayed and embarrassed!
93
00:05:30,000 --> 00:05:32,800
I just want to crawl
into a hole and die!
94
00:05:36,600 --> 00:05:39,000
Okay. Well, you know,
this isn't that bad.

95
00:05:39,500 --> 00:05:40,900
It just paints the picture
96
00:05:41,100 --> 00:05:42,900
of a very affectionate woman,
97
00:05:43,000 --> 00:05:45,500
who's open to expressing her affection
98
00:05:45,900 --> 00:05:48,100
in non-traditional locales.
99
00:05:48,500 --> 00:05:49,700
Oh, God!
100
00:05:50,400 --> 00:05:52,200
Elevators, parks,
101
00:05:53,500 --> 00:05:54,700
movie theaters.
102
00:05:56,400 --> 00:05:57,800
Out of curiosity,
103
00:05:57,900 --> 00:06:00,000
is this "subway"
the transportation system
104
00:06:00,100 --> 00:06:02,000
or Subway the sandwich shop?
105
00:06:03,300 --> 00:06:04,400
Sandwich shop.
106
00:06:06,500 --> 00:06:08,500
Doesn't that violate the health code?
107
00:06:09,000 --> 00:06:11,000
No, at the sub shop
we were only making out.
108
00:06:13,400 --> 00:06:15,100
But my point is that
109
00:06:15,300 --> 00:06:17,700
you have absolutely no reason
to be embarrassed.
110
00:06:18,700 --> 00:06:20,800
Really?
Do you think I overreacted?
111
00:06:21,400 --> 00:06:24,100
- Maybe a little.
- Because I do that. I do overreact.
112
00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:26,100
Maybe I should call Mike and apologize.
113
00:06:27,400 --> 00:06:29,500
That would be under-reacting.
114
00:06:30,500 --> 00:06:33,600
He did break the implied
confidentiality of the bedroom.
115
00:06:33,700 --> 00:06:37,700
And in your case, the elevator,
parks and fast food franchise.
116
00:06:39,100 --> 00:06:41,700

You're right.
I should just say "I am done with him."
117
00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:43,600
Yes, you should.
Go ahead, say it.
118
00:06:44,300 --> 00:06:46,900
But I never gave the man
a chance to explain.
119
00:06:47,400 --> 00:06:50,000
What is there to explain?
It's all right here.
120
00:06:50,200 --> 00:06:51,700
The betrayal!
121
00:06:52,400 --> 00:06:54,700
No, you were right
the first time.
122
00:06:54,800 --> 00:06:58,300
This is a man who loves me,
but in his own stupid way,

123
00:06:58,400 --> 00:07:01,200
which is trying to show people
how he feels.
124
00:07:02,400 --> 00:07:04,400
I'm pretty sure I never said that.
125
00:07:06,000 --> 00:07:08,600
You did better than that.
You helped me see it on my own.
126
00:07:08,800 --> 00:07:10,100
Oh, good for me.
127
00:07:12,100 --> 00:07:13,200
128
00:07:13,300 --> 00:07:15,900
I'm going over to Mike's.
Leonard, thank you so much.
129
00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:17,100
Oh, sure.
130
00:07:24,100 --> 00:07:25,800
Maybe I am her gay friend.
131
00:07:33,200 --> 00:07:35,300
I'm going to need
another Mandarin lesson.
132
00:07:35,400 --> 00:07:38,200
I obviously didn't make
my point with those people.
133
00:07:39,600 --> 00:07:40,600
For God's sake,
134
00:07:40,700 --> 00:07:43,700
if you don't like the tangerine chicken,
don't order the tangerine chicken.
135
00:07:44,100 --> 00:07:47,100
I like tangerine chicken,
I'm just not getting tangerine chicken.
136
00:07:49,100 --> 00:07:51,300

- Can we please change the subject?
- Sure.
137
00:07:51,700 --> 00:07:55,300
Tell us again how you screwed up and got
Penny back together with her boyfriend.
138
00:07:57,000 --> 00:07:58,500
Just roll the dice.
139
00:08:02,500 --> 00:08:06,200
"Enslaved by warlocks. Stay here
until you roll two, four or six."
140
00:08:06,400 --> 00:08:07,600
She was mad at him!
141
00:08:08,600 --> 00:08:11,700
She was done with him! The relationship
was broken beyond repair,
142
00:08:11,900 --> 00:08:14,200
and I walked over there,
and I fixed it.

143
00:08:15,700 --> 00:08:18,400
Boy, that story gets better
every time you hear it.
144
00:08:19,800 --> 00:08:22,600
Actually, I thought the first
two renditions were far more compelling.
145
00:08:22,700 --> 00:08:25,200
Previously, I felt sympathy
for the Leonard character,
146
00:08:25,300 --> 00:08:28,100
now I just find him
to be whiny and annoying.
147
00:08:29,900 --> 00:08:31,800
Eat your tangerine chicken.
148
00:08:32,100 --> 00:08:34,800
I'd love to, but I don't
have tangerine chicken.
149
00:08:37,500 --> 00:08:40,500

Thank you so much
for your stupid advice!
150
00:08:46,500 --> 00:08:47,600
Incredible.
151
00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:50,700
You managed to screw up the screw-up.
152
00:08:56,700 --> 00:08:58,000
I'm back.
153
00:08:58,700 --> 00:09:00,400
I'm sorry I yelled at you.
154
00:09:00,800 --> 00:09:02,200
It's not your fault.
155
00:09:02,700 --> 00:09:04,000
What happened?
156
00:09:05,200 --> 00:09:07,300
I went over to Mike's
to make up with him.

157
00:09:07,400 --> 00:09:09,000
Yeah. No, I know that part.
158
00:09:10,100 --> 00:09:11,900
But he had already moved on.
159
00:09:12,300 --> 00:09:13,800
Already? That was quick.
160
00:09:14,000 --> 00:09:17,900
That's what I said to the woman
who had her legs around his neck.
161
00:09:21,500 --> 00:09:25,400
- Penny, I am so sorry.
- How could he do that?!
162
00:09:25,700 --> 00:09:29,100
You know, you did
throw an 80-gig iPod...
163
00:09:29,300 --> 00:09:31,200
Yeah, no, how could he do that?

164
00:09:31,500 --> 00:09:35,100
I swear to God I am done
with guys like that.
165
00:09:35,200 --> 00:09:39,000
You know, macho with the perfect body
and the hair and the money.
166
00:09:39,200 --> 00:09:41,200
Yeah, that must get old quick.
167
00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:43,300
You know, just once
168
00:09:43,900 --> 00:09:45,900
I would like to go out with someone
169
00:09:46,100 --> 00:09:48,000
who is nice and honest
170
00:09:48,100 --> 00:09:50,200
and who actually cares about me.

171
00:09:52,300 --> 00:09:53,400
What about me?
172
00:09:54,200 --> 00:09:55,700
What about you what?
173
00:09:58,400 --> 00:10:00,700
What about if you went out with me?
174
00:10:03,600 --> 00:10:05,400
Are you asking me out?
175
00:10:06,700 --> 00:10:08,300
Yes, I am...
176
00:10:08,800 --> 00:10:10,100
asking you out.
177
00:10:14,200 --> 00:10:16,600
I was just going off
your comment about the nice guy.
178
00:10:16,700 --> 00:10:18,200

- No, I got that.
- And honest.
179
00:10:18,300 --> 00:10:20,400
- Totally.
- It's not a big deal.
180
00:10:22,700 --> 00:10:23,900
Yes what?
181
00:10:24,800 --> 00:10:26,600
Yes, I will go out with you.
182
00:10:30,700 --> 00:10:31,600
Really?
183
00:10:35,400 --> 00:10:38,100
Why not? I mean...
What do I have to lose?
184
00:10:41,700 --> 00:10:43,100
That's the spirit.
185
00:10:48,700 --> 00:10:50,700

Show me your citrus peels.
186
00:10:51,000 --> 00:10:53,900
Gay wo kan ni de jud zi pee.
187
00:10:55,800 --> 00:10:57,900
Show me your citrus peels.
188
00:10:58,000 --> 00:11:01,000
Gay wo kan ni de jud zi pee.
189
00:11:01,400 --> 00:11:02,500
Sheldon?
190
00:11:05,900 --> 00:11:06,900
I'm sorry.
191
00:11:07,900 --> 00:11:09,600
Look, do you have a second?
192
00:11:10,100 --> 00:11:12,200
A second what, pair of underwear?
193
00:11:13,100 --> 00:11:16,100
I was just wondering if I could
talk to you. It's about Leonard.
194
00:11:16,500 --> 00:11:17,400
Why me?
195
00:11:17,500 --> 00:11:19,500
Why not Koothrappali or Wolowitz?
196
00:11:20,000 --> 00:11:22,500
Well, Raj can't talk to me
unless he's drunk,
197
00:11:22,600 --> 00:11:25,000
and Wolowitz is, you know, disgusting.
198
00:11:26,700 --> 00:11:28,500
Yes, I suppose he is.
199
00:11:30,200 --> 00:11:32,700
All I'm saying is,
you know Leonard the best.
200
00:11:32,900 --> 00:11:34,000
Not necessarily.
201
00:11:34,100 --> 00:11:37,200
I'm often surprised
by my lack of familiarity with Leonard.
202
00:11:37,300 --> 00:11:40,400
Just the other day I discovered
he not only has a loofah,
203
00:11:40,500 --> 00:11:41,800
he hides it.
204
00:11:42,300 --> 00:11:45,200
Why do you suppose a man would
be ashamed of having a loofah?
205
00:11:45,300 --> 00:11:48,600
I, myself, prefer to have my excess
epithelial cells slough off naturally,
206
00:11:48,800 --> 00:11:52,100
but I don't condemn those who seek
to accelerate the process.

207
00:11:53,000 --> 00:11:54,300
And until recently,
208
00:11:54,400 --> 00:11:57,200
I had no idea that
despite his lactose intolerance,
209
00:11:57,300 --> 00:11:59,900
he can tolerate small amounts
of non-fat ice cream
210
00:12:00,000 --> 00:12:02,300
without producing a noxious
gas that I maintain,
211
00:12:02,500 --> 00:12:04,800
in the right concentration,
could be weaponized.
212
00:12:06,500 --> 00:12:08,900
Leonard might come home.
Can we talk in my apartment?
213
00:12:09,600 --> 00:12:10,800
We're not done?
214
00:12:12,800 --> 00:12:13,500
No.
215
00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:16,800
Why not? We're already through
the looking glass anyway.
216
00:12:21,700 --> 00:12:23,300
Okay, so here's the thing...
217
00:12:24,100 --> 00:12:26,800
I guess you're aware
that Leonard asked me out.
218
00:12:27,400 --> 00:12:30,700
He didn't actually say anything,
but when he came back to the apartment
219
00:12:30,900 --> 00:12:34,400
he was doing a dance that brought
to mind the happy hippos in Fantasia.

220
00:12:36,200 --> 00:12:37,600
That's nice.
221
00:12:37,900 --> 00:12:39,900
Anyhow, the thing I wanted
to talk to you about
222
00:12:40,100 --> 00:12:42,900
is, since Leonard and I
have become friends... I was just...
223
00:12:44,000 --> 00:12:45,200
Wanna sit down?
224
00:12:45,800 --> 00:12:47,800
I wish it were that simple.
225
00:12:49,600 --> 00:12:53,300
I don't spend much time here, and so
I've never really chosena place to sit.
226
00:12:54,000 --> 00:12:54,900
Well, choose.
227
00:12:55,600 --> 00:12:57,800
There are a number of options and...
228
00:12:58,800 --> 00:13:01,500
I'm really not familiar enough
with the cushion densities,
229
00:13:01,600 --> 00:13:03,700
air flow patterns
and dispersion of unlight
230
00:13:03,800 --> 00:13:05,400
to make an informed choice.
231
00:13:05,900 --> 00:13:08,500
Why don't you just pick one at random
and if you don't like it
232
00:13:08,600 --> 00:13:11,700
- you can sit somewhere else next time.
- No. That's crazy.
233
00:13:13,500 --> 00:13:16,100
You go ahead and talk

while I figure it out.
234
00:13:19,900 --> 00:13:21,100
Here's the thing.
235
00:13:21,400 --> 00:13:24,100
So I've known for a while now
that Leonard has had
236
00:13:24,400 --> 00:13:27,200
- a little crush on me...
- A little crush?
237
00:13:28,400 --> 00:13:32,500
I suppose so... in the same way Menelaus
had a "little crush" on Helen of Troy.
238
00:13:34,400 --> 00:13:36,300
I don't really know who they are...
239
00:13:36,400 --> 00:13:38,900
- Menelaus was the brother of Agamemnon.
- I don't care.
240
00:13:39,900 --> 00:13:41,200
The point is,
241
00:13:41,600 --> 00:13:44,300
Leonard isn't the kind of guy
I usually go out with.
242
00:13:44,500 --> 00:13:47,700
Leonard isn't the kind of guy
anyone usually goes out with.
243
00:13:48,800 --> 00:13:51,700
Would you be open to rotating
the couch clockwise 30 degrees?
244
00:13:51,900 --> 00:13:53,400
No. What I'm saying is
245
00:13:54,100 --> 00:13:56,300
Leonard might be
different in a good way.
246
00:13:56,900 --> 00:13:59,800
Obviously, my usual choices
have not worked out so well.

247
00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:02,100
Your last one worked
out well for Koothrappali.
248
00:14:02,300 --> 00:14:03,700
He got a free iPod.
249
00:14:06,500 --> 00:14:07,300
Glare.
250
00:14:08,400 --> 00:14:10,800
On the other hand,
if things don't go well with Leonard,
251
00:14:10,900 --> 00:14:13,100
I risk losing a really good friend.
252
00:14:13,200 --> 00:14:15,100
I'm guessing he's not looking
for a fling.
253
00:14:15,300 --> 00:14:17,700
He's the kind of guy that gets

into a relationship for...
254
00:14:17,800 --> 00:14:20,400
- like you would say, light years.
- I would not say that.
255
00:14:21,600 --> 00:14:24,800
No one would say that. A light year
is a unit of distance not time.
256
00:14:25,500 --> 00:14:27,500
Thank you for the clarification.
257
00:14:34,600 --> 00:14:35,400
Draft.
258
00:14:36,800 --> 00:14:39,800
People hear the word "year"
and they think duration.
259
00:14:40,000 --> 00:14:43,600
"Foot-pound" has the same problem,
that's a unit of work, not of weight.
260
00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:45,000
Right. Thanks.
261
00:14:45,200 --> 00:14:48,300
- It's a common mistake.
- Not the first one I've made today.
262
00:14:51,200 --> 00:14:53,100
I think this will be my seat.
263
00:14:54,400 --> 00:14:57,100
Do you have anything to say
that has anything to do with
264
00:14:57,300 --> 00:14:58,600
what I'm talking about?
265
00:14:59,600 --> 00:15:01,000
Well, let's see...
266
00:15:01,700 --> 00:15:03,800
We might consider Schrodinger's cat.
267
00:15:04,600 --> 00:15:07,000

Schrodinger?
Is that the woman in 2A?
268
00:15:07,200 --> 00:15:08,600
That's Mrs. Grossinger.
269
00:15:08,700 --> 00:15:11,000
She doesn't have a cat,
she has a Mexican hairless.
270
00:15:11,100 --> 00:15:13,000
- Annoying little animal.
- Sheldon.
271
00:15:15,100 --> 00:15:16,500
Sorry, you diverted me.
272
00:15:16,600 --> 00:15:19,900
Anyway, in 1935, Erwin Schrodinger,
273
00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:23,300
in an attempt to explain the Copenhagen
interpretation of quantum physics,
274
00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:24,900
he proposed an experiment
275
00:15:25,000 --> 00:15:28,700
where a cat is placed in a box
with a sealed vial of poison
276
00:15:28,800 --> 00:15:30,600
that will break open at a random time.
277
00:15:30,800 --> 00:15:32,300
Now, since no one knows
278
00:15:32,400 --> 00:15:36,300
when or if the poison has been released,
until the box is opened,
279
00:15:36,400 --> 00:15:39,900
the cat can be thought of
as both alive and dead.
280
00:15:45,500 --> 00:15:47,000
Sorry. I don't get the point.
281
00:15:47,200 --> 00:15:49,600
Of course you don't get it.
I haven't made it yet.
282
00:15:51,100 --> 00:15:53,900
You'd have to be psychic to get it,
and there's no such thing as "psychic."
283
00:15:54,000 --> 00:15:55,600
Sheldon, what's the point?!
284
00:15:55,800 --> 00:15:57,400
Just like Schrodinger's cat,
285
00:15:57,600 --> 00:16:00,100
your potential relationship
with Leonard right now
286
00:16:00,200 --> 00:16:02,200
can be thought of as both good and bad.
287
00:16:02,500 --> 00:16:05,900
It is only by opening the box
that you'll find out which it is.

288
00:16:07,100 --> 00:16:10,000
Okay, so you're saying I should
go out with Leonard.
289
00:16:13,500 --> 00:16:16,800
Let me start again.
In 1935, Erwin Schrodinger...
290
00:16:19,500 --> 00:16:21,000
Two seats right there.
291
00:16:32,900 --> 00:16:35,900
- Sheldon, I think I've made a mistake.
- I can see that.
292
00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:38,800
Unless you're planning on running
a marathon, choosing both stuffing
293
00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:41,400
and mashed potatoes
is a starch-filled redundancy.
294
00:16:42,300 --> 00:16:43,500

No, it's about Penny.
295
00:16:43,800 --> 00:16:45,800
A mistake involving Penny.
296
00:16:46,700 --> 00:16:48,600
You'll have to narrow it down.
297
00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:51,800
I don't think
I can go out with her tonight.
298
00:16:52,000 --> 00:16:53,100
Then don't.
299
00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:55,900
Other people would say "Why not?"
300
00:16:56,000 --> 00:16:58,000
Other people might be interested.
301
00:16:59,800 --> 00:17:02,200
- I'm going to talk anyway.
- I assumed you would.

302
00:17:03,700 --> 00:17:05,900
Now that I'm actually about
to go out with Penny,
303
00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:08,200
I'm not excited, I'm nauseous.
304
00:17:08,400 --> 00:17:10,300
Then your meal choice is appropriate.
305
00:17:10,500 --> 00:17:13,200
Starch absorbs fluid
which reduces the amount of vomit
306
00:17:13,300 --> 00:17:15,200
available for violent expulsion.
307
00:17:15,700 --> 00:17:16,400
Right.
308
00:17:16,500 --> 00:17:18,500
You also made a common
grammatical mistake.
309
00:17:18,700 --> 00:17:20,800
You said "nauseous,"
when you meant "nauseated."
310
00:17:22,200 --> 00:17:23,200
But go on.
311
00:17:24,300 --> 00:17:26,900
Sheldon, this date is probably
my one chance with Penny.
312
00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:28,700
What happens if I blow it?
313
00:17:29,200 --> 00:17:31,100
Well, if we accept your premise
314
00:17:31,200 --> 00:17:33,600
and also accept the highly
improbable assumption
315
00:17:33,800 --> 00:17:36,300
that Penny is the only woman

in the world for you,
316
00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:39,000
then we can logically conclude
that the result of blowing it
317
00:17:39,100 --> 00:17:42,500
would be that you end up a lonely,
bitter old man with no progeny.
318
00:17:42,900 --> 00:17:45,100
The image of any number
of evil lighthouse keepers
319
00:17:45,200 --> 00:17:47,400
from Scooby-Doo cartoons comes to mind.
320
00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:49,900
You're not helping.
321
00:17:50,000 --> 00:17:51,700
What response on my part
322
00:17:51,800 --> 00:17:54,000

would bring this conversation
to a speedy conclusion?
323
00:17:54,200 --> 00:17:56,600
Tell me whether or not
to go through with the date.
324
00:17:56,700 --> 00:17:58,400
Schrodinger's cat.
325
00:17:59,400 --> 00:18:01,000
That's brilliant.
326
00:18:02,600 --> 00:18:04,200
You sound surprised.
327
00:18:28,400 --> 00:18:30,200
- Come on in.
- Thank you.
328
00:18:32,500 --> 00:18:33,700
You look very nice.
329
00:18:33,800 --> 00:18:35,100

Thank you. So do you.
330
00:18:39,900 --> 00:18:41,400
I made an 8:00 reservation.
331
00:18:41,600 --> 00:18:43,600
Okay, yeah, great. Listen...
332
00:18:44,500 --> 00:18:46,000
Maybe we should talk first.
333
00:18:50,800 --> 00:18:54,300
But before you say anything, have you
ever heard of Schrodinger's cat?
334
00:18:56,900 --> 00:19:00,000
Actually, I've heard far too much
about Schrodinger's cat.
335
00:19:01,800 --> 00:19:02,600
Good.
336
00:19:09,200 --> 00:19:11,600
All right, the cat's alive.

Let's go to dinner.
337
00:19:26,700 --> 00:19:28,500
Crazy man. Call the police!
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
10000
00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:13,000

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The Big Bang Theory - 1x01 - Pilot ................................................................................................ 2

00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,000

00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,000

Downloaded From www.AllSubs.org

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I'm moving my infantry division.

00:00:03,500 --> 00:00:06,600

Augmented by bataillon of orcs

from Lord of the Rings.

00:00:06,800 --> 00:00:08,400

We flank the Tennessee volunteers

00:00:08,600 --> 00:00:11,500

and the North, once again,

wins the battle of Gettysburg.

00:00:11,900 --> 00:00:13,100

00:00:13,200 --> 00:00:15,400

two infantry divisions,

00:00:15,600 --> 00:00:17,300

plus Superman and Godzilla.

00:00:17,900 --> 00:00:21,200

No, orcs are magic. Superman

00:00:21,300 --> 00:00:25,500

Not to mention you already lost Godzilla

to the Illinois cavalry and Hulk.

00:00:26,100 --> 00:00:30,000

Why don't you just have Robert E. Lee

charge the line with Shiva and Ganesh?

00:00:30,300 --> 00:00:32,300

- You guys ready to order?

- Hang on, honey.

00:00:32,500 --> 00:00:33,700

Shiva and Ganesh,

00:00:33,900 --> 00:00:36,200

the Hindu gods,

against the entire Union army?

00:00:36,400 --> 00:00:37,400

00:00:38,300 --> 00:00:39,400

00:00:39,800 --> 00:00:40,800

00:00:40,900 --> 00:00:43,600

Ganesh is the Remover of Obstacles

and Shiva is the Destroyer.

00:00:43,800 --> 00:00:46,400

When the smoke clears,

Abraham Lincoln will be speaking Hindi

00:00:46,600 --> 00:00:48,000

and drinking mint juleps.

00:00:48,600 --> 00:00:51,900

My boss says you have to either order

or leave and never come back.

00:00:52,800 --> 00:00:55,700

What do you recommend for someone

who worked up a man-sized appetite

00:00:55,900 --> 00:00:58,000

from a morning of weight training

and cardio funk?

00:00:58,200 --> 00:00:59,200

00:01:00,300 --> 00:01:02,400

I'll take the Heart Smart platter.

00:01:03,200 --> 00:01:04,900

All right, thank you,

00:01:05,300 --> 00:01:07,300