There's a Werewolf In Town

by

LEWIS GARDNER

CHARACTERS (18)
NARRATOR TOMMY CITIZENS 1-2-3 FATHER
MOTHER
SISTER DOCTOR BULL HAWKINS EVIL
ANGELS (3)
POLICE CHIEF FARMER JOE MARY
LILY.

SCENE ONE

NARRATOR: OAK VALLEY WAS LIKE 10,000 OTHER TOWNS--EXCEPT FOR A

NEAT LITTLE HOUSE ON ELM STREET. THERE LIVED A BOY
WITH A
PROBLEM.

TOMMY: (HOWLING AT THE MOON LIKE A WOLF) Ovv-wooo oooo!

NARRATOR: EVERY MONTH WHEN THE FULL MOON ROSE IN THE SKY, LONG
HAIRS CAME OUT ON HIS FOREHEAD AND HIS HANDS. TWO OF
HIS
TEETH GREW INTO LONG, SHARP FANGS.

TOMMY: Ow-wooo oooo!

NARRATOR: TOMMY WAS A WEREWOLF.

TOMMY: WHY ME? OTHER KIDS DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE MOON. THEY CAN
G0 R1GHT ON DOING THEIR HOMEWORK OR WATCHING TV. NOT
ME.
OW-wooo!

NARRATOR: ALL OVER TOWN, THE CITIZENS WONDERED WHAT THE SOUND
WAS.

CITIZEN 1: WHAT WAS THAT?

CITIZEN 2: IS IT A WILD D0G?

CITIZEN 3: IS IT A WOLF?

NARRATOR: EVERY MONTH, TOMMY BECAME VERY WORRIED.

TOMMY: WHAT IF MY PARENTS FIND OUT? (HE JOINS HIS PARENTS AND
SISTER AT BREAKFAST.)

FATHER: YOU'RE LATE.

TOMMY: SORRY.
FATHER: YOU SHOULDN'T SLEEP SO LATE. IT'S BAD FOR YOUR
CHARACTER.

MOTHER: YOU LOOK TIRED, TOMMY. DIDN'T YOU SLEEP WELL?

SISTER: I DIDN'T. ALL NIGHT LONG, I HEARD THAT SOUND. SOME KIND OF
D0G--OR WOLF.

MOTHER: I HEARD IT TOO, DEAR. IT WAS PROBABLY AN OWL.

SISTER: IT WAS A WOLF.

FATHER: THERE HAVEN'T BEEN WOLVES AROUND HERE FOR 100 YEARS.

SISTER: THEN IT'S A WEREWOLF.

TOMMY: (CHOKIN6) Aawrk!

FATHER: CHEW YOUR FOOD CAREFULLY, TOMMY.

MOTHER: A WHAT, DEAR?

SISTER: A WEREWOLF. SOMEONE WHO BECOMES A WOLF WHEN THE MOON IS FULL.
(TOMMY GETS UP.)

FATHER: WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE G01NG, YOUN6 MAN?

TOMMY: BACK TO BED. I FEEL TOO SICK TO G0 TO SCHOOL TODAY.

FATHER: HE'LL TURN INTO A BUM SOMEDAY. NO CHARACTER.

SCENE TWO

NARRATOR: AS A CHILD, TOMMY HAD SEEMED NORMAL.

TOMMY: (AS A LITTLE BOY) I DON'T LIKE THIS STORY, MOMMY.

MOTHER: WHY DON'T YOU LIKE IT, TOMMY?

TOMMY: LITTLE RED RIDIN6 HOOD GETS OFF FREE, BUT THEY SHOOT THE
POOR OLD WOLF. THAT'S NOT FAIR!

MOTHER: BUT THE WOLF WAS BAD. HE WANTED TO EAT THE LITTLE G1RL.

TOMMY: (WITH A WILD SMILE) YEAH! (HE TURNS TO HIS FATHER) DADDY,
WHY DOES THE WOLF ALWAYS HAVE TO LOSE?

FATHER: THE PURPOSE OF THESE STORIES IS TO DEVELOP CHARACTER.

NARRATOR: LATER, AS AN UNHAPPY TEENAGER, TOMMY READS AN ADVICE

COLUMN IN A NEWSPAPER. HE DECIDED TO WRITE.

TOMMY: (WRITING) "DEAR CLARISSA VELVETEEN, I HAVE A PR0BLEM."

(HE CRUMPLES UP THE PAPER.) WHAT'S THE USE. HOW COULD SHE
KNOW WHAT TO DO?

NARRATOR: TOMMY SAW THE FAMILY DOCTOR.

TOMMY: I'M A WEREWOLF.

DOCTOR: HAVE YOU SEEN GETTING PLENTY OF FRESH AIR AND
EXERCISE?

TOMMY: YES. I RUN THROUGH THE WOODS AND THE HILLS. I HOWL.

DOCTDR: IT'S JUST A STAGE YOU'RE G01NG THROUGH.

NARRATDR: TOMMY DECIDED TO TELL HIS FATHER.

TOMMY: DAD, ARE YOU BUSY?

FATHER: I'M TRYIN6 TO DO SOMETHING WITH THE BILLS. IN ONE PILE I

PUT THE BILLS WE WON'T PAY THIS MONTH. THE OTHER PILE
IS
FOR THE BILLS WE WON'T PAY NEXT MONTH.

TOMMY: I HAVE A PROBLEM.

FATHER: I DON'T KNOW HOW WE SPEND SO MUCH ON FOOD.

MOTHER: SOMETIMES I THINK SOMEONE IS EATING RAW MEAT OUT OF

THE
REFRIGERATOR. IT DISAPPEARS ABOUT ONCE A MDNTH.

TOMMY: THAT'S WHAT I .....

FATHER: MY DEAR WIFE, WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

TOMMY: MOM. DAD, I .....

MOTHER: I SIMPLY MEAN

NARRATOR: TOMMY DECIDED IT WASN'T THE TIME TO TELL HIS PARENTS.

TOMMY: WHAT'S THE USE?

SCENE THREE

NARRATOR: TOMMY WAS AFRAID TO HANG AROUND WITH THE OTHER

TEENAGERS. ESPECIALLY AT NIGHT. BULL HAWKINS, THE
LEADER
OF THE EVIL ANGELS GANG, PICKED ON HIM.

BULL: WHAT'S THE HATTER WITH YOU, TOMMY? WE NEVER SEE YOU AT
THE HAMBURGER J0INT, FOOLING AROUND LIKE A NORMAL
GUY.
WON'T YOUR MOTHER LET YOU OUT AT NIGHT: (LAUGHS AND
SHOVES TOMMY) ANGELS: (ALL): GET HIM, BULL! GET HIM!
(THEY
ALL LAUGH)

NARRATOR: BUT JOY WILL SWEETEN EVEN THE MOST UNHAPPY LIFE. AFTER
LUNCH AT SCHOOL, TOMMY USED TO LEAN AGAINST HIS
LOCKER.
ONE DAY HE NOTICED A G1RL WHO WAS LEANING AGAINST HER
LOCKER.

TOMMY: (SHYLY): HI!

LILY: HI. I'M LILY. I'M NEW HERE.

TOMMY: HI.

LILY: IF YOU WANT TO KNOW ME BETTER, WHY DON'T WE GO OUT

SATURDAY NIGHT?

TOMMY: SATURDAY?

LILY: WHAT'S WRONG? DON'T YOU LIKE ME?

TOMMY: HOW ABOUT NEXT TUESDAY?

LILY: SATURDAY OR NEVER. THERE'S A FULL MOON THAT NIGHT.

TOMMY: LOOK, THERE'S SOMETHING YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT ME. I'M NOT
LIKE THE OTHER KIDS.

LILY: I KNOW . YOU'RE KIND.

TOMMY: THERE'S SOMETHING A LITTLE FUNNY ABOUT HE. YOU'LL FIND

OUT, THEN YOU'LL HATE ME.

LILY: I WON'T MIND IF THERE'S SOMETHING FUNNY ABOUT YOU.

PLEASE
BELIEVE ME.

TOMMY: YES! I BELIEVE YOU!

LILY: I'LL SEE YOU SATURDAY AT 8. WE'LL MEET NEAR THE

WOODS.

NARRATOR: FOR THE NEXT FEW DAYS. TOMMY WAS WALKING ON AIR. HE FELT
SO HAPPY.

TOMMY: MAYBE THE MOON WON'T BE REALLY FULL UNTIL SUNDAY.

NARRATOR: HOWEVER, YOU CAN 6UESS WHAT HAPPENEO.

LILY: WHERE IS THAT SWEET BOY? IT'S TWO MINUTES AFTER 8.

OH,
THAT MUST BE - - -

TOMMY: LILY! OW-Wooo-oooo!

LILY: (SCREAMING) Ahhhhhh!

NARRATOR: LILY RAN AWAY.

LILY: HELP! HELP! A WEREWOLF!

TOMMY: AND SHE SAID SHE WOULDN'T CARE IF THERE WAS SOMETHING
FUNNY ABOUT ME.

LILY: A WEREWOLF! A WEREWOLF!

CITIZENS 1-3: A WEREWOLF!

TOMMY: Ovv-Woooo-oooo!
CITIZEN 1: CATCH HIM!

CITIZEN 2: WE CAN'T LET SOMEONE G0 AROUND SCARIN6 OUR KIDS.

LILY: (CRYIN6) HE ATE TOMMY!

MOTHER: (SADLY) POOR TOMMY!

FATHER: I KNEW THIS WOULD HAPPEN.

TOMMY: (HEARIN6 THEM AS THEY CAME CLOSER): AT LEAST THEY DON'T

KNOW I'M TOMMY! (SIRENS ARE HEARD) Owv-wooo-oooo!
THERE I
GO AGAIN.

CITIZEN 3: THERE HE IS!

CITIZEN 1: AFTER HIM!

CITIZEN 2: DON'T LET HIM GET AWAY! -

NARRATOR: THE SEARCH WENT ON UNTIL THE MOON WENT DOWN. TOMMY
SNUCK OUT OF THE WOODS--AND MET UP WITH THE CHIEF OF
POLICE!

CHIEF: WH0'S THERE?

TOMMY: PLEASE! LISTEN, I CAN EXPLAIN!

CHIEF: DON'T WORRY, TOMMY. IT'S ALL RIGHT NOW. A WEREWOLF

DOESN'T COME AFTER YOU EVERY DAY.

NARRATOR: TOMMY FELT HIS FOREHEAD AND TEETH. HE REALIZED THAT HE

WAS BACK TO NORMAL ONCE AGAIN.

TOMMY: NO, I GUESS HE DOESN'T.

CHIEF: SO RUN ON HOME. YOUR PARENTS WILL BE GLAD TO SEE YOU.

NARRATOR: TOMMY STARTED WALKING HOME.

TOMMY: I CAN'T FACE THEM AGAIN. PEOPLE WILL REMEMBER THINGS I'VE
SAID. AND THE MOON WILL BE FULL AGAIN.

SCENE FOUR

NARRATOR: TOMMY MADE A DECISION.

TOMMY: I'M LEAVING HOME!

NARRATOR: SO TOMMY TOOK A BUS TO ANOTHER STATE. HE FOUND A FARM

WHERE THE FAMILY WAS HAPPY TO TAKE HIM IN--EVEN WHEN
HE
TOLD THEM ABOUT HIS CONDITION.

FARMER: SO? I GET INGROWN TOENAILS EVERY NOW AND THEN.

NARRATOR: TOMMY HELPED WITH THE FARMING AND THE OTHER WORK. FOR
THE FIRST TIME SINCE HIS CHILDHOOD, TOMMY FELT
HOPEFUL
 ABOUT LIFE. THEN AN ACCIDENT HAPPENED.

FARMER: TOMMY, YOU KNOW YOU'RE WELCOME TO STAY HERE. YOU'RE A

GOOD WORKER, AND WE LIKE YOUR HOWLING. BUT WE CAN'T
AFFORD TO LOSE ANY MORE CHICKENS. SO BE CAREFUL NEXT
MONTH, OKAY?

TOMMY: OKAY.

NARRATOR: TOMMY DECIDED TO HELP OUT BY GETTING A JOB.

TOMMY: I WANT TO PAY FOR SOME NEW CHICKENS.

NARRATOR: HE WENT TO WORK IN A DINER IN A NEARBY TOWN. IT WAS

CALLED "JOE'S CAFE."

JOE: SAY, TOMMY, YOU'RE A G00D WORKER. YOU HAVE A WAY

WITH A
SCRAMBLED EGG. HOW AB0UT WORKIN6 THE NIGHT SHIFT?
YOU'LL GET BETTER TIPS
TOMMY: NO, JOE. NO, I CAN'T.

JOE: WHAT A BUNCH! MARY WON'T WORK NIGHTS, EITHER.

MARY: I JUST CAN'T, JOE.

NARRATOR: MARY WOLF WORKED BEHIND THE COUNTER WITH TOMMY. IT WAS
THE END OF THEIR WORKDAY.

MARY: IT'S 5. TIME FOR US TO G0.

TOMMY: YES. -

MARY: FULL MOON TONIGHT.

TOMMY: I KNOW.

MARY: WHERE'S JOE? I WANT TO GET HOME AS SOON AS I CAN.

TOMMY: ME, TOO!

MARY: DO YOU LIVE ON THE FARM?

TOMMY: OH, YES.

MARY: WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU? CAN'T YOU TALK?

TOMMY: OH, MARY, I --- (THE TELEPHONE RINGS1

JOE: (ON TELEPHONE): MARY, MY CAR IS STUCK. YOU AND TOMMY

KEEP
THE PLACE OPEN.

MARY: JOE, I'VE TOLD YOU I CAN'T WORK AT NIGHT.

JOE: AS A FAVOR TO ME?

MARY: (HESITATINGLY) OH, WELL, OKAY.

NARRATOR: AS IT GREW DARKER OUTSIDE, TOMMY BECAME MORE AND MORE

 WORRIED. HF KEPT LOOKING IN THE SHINY PART OF THE
COFFEE
MACHINE TO SEE IF THERE WERE ANY S1GNS OF A CHANGE.
HE
COULD SEE MARY ACTIN6 FUNNY, TOO.

TOMMY: I'M MAKING HER NERVOUS.

NARRATOR: FINALLY, HE SAW THE FIRST RAYS OF THE FULL MOON! TOMMY
STARTED RUNNIN6 OUT THE DOOR. MARY WAS RUNNING OUT
TOO!
SHE PUSHED BY HIM. JOE WAS COMING IN RIGHT THEN.

JOE: THANKS. (HE STEPS OUT OF THE WAY.) B0Y, THEY'RE IN A

HURRY!

NARRATOR: TOMMY COULD FEEL THE FUR ON HIS FACE. HE SAW IT ON HIS
HANDS. HE RAN INTO THE WOODS.

TOMMY: I HAVE TO GET AWAY BEFORE I HOWL. WHERE'S THAT HILL I

SAW LAST MONTH? AH, THERE IT IS OVER THERE....

NARRATOR: AS HE RAN UP THE HILL, HE HEARD A SOUND THAT WAS

STRAN6E, YET FAMILIAR.

MARY: Ovv-Wooo-oooo!

TOMMY: MARY!

MARY: TDMMY!

TOMMY: MARY!

MARY: TOMMY!

MARY AND TOMMY T0GETHER: Oww-Hooo-oooo! Oww-Wooo-oooo! (THE

HOWLING FADES AWAY.)

NARRATOR: TOMMY AND MARY WERE B0TH HAPPY TO HAVE FOUND A FRIEND
AT LAST. TOMMY STILL LIVES ON THE FARM. MARY IS
TEACHING
THE FARMER'S CHILDREN TO SING TO THE MOON.

MARY: (READING) "SO, THE WOLF SWALLOWED RED RIDING HOOD AND HE
LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER."
 The Boy that couldn’t get the willies

NARRATOR: There was once a boy who was never frightened—for he had
not enough sense to be scared.

HANS: (cheerfully, to audience) That’s me!

NARRATOR: One day, Hans and his big sister were walking home after
dark. The wind howled, and the trees creaked and groaned. The road led
past a graveyard, where the moon lit up rows of tombstones. Hans’s sister
began to quiver and quake.

SISTER: Ooh! This place gives me the willies!

HANS: The willies? What are the willies?

SISTER: (scornfully) Do I have to tell you everything? The willies are

when you get so scared, you shiver and shake.

HANS: Well! I never had anything like that! I wish I would get the willies,
so I’d know what they’re like.

SISTER: (to audience, shakes her head in disgust)

NARRATOR: The more Hans thought it over, the more he wondered about
the willies, and the more he wished he could have them. One day he told
himself,

HANS: (to audience) If I want the willies, I’d better go look for them.

NARRATOR: So he said good-bye to his family—

HANS: (waves and smiles)

SISTER: What a fool!

FATHER: I can’t believe he’s my son!

NARRATOR: —and he started down the road.

Hans walked for many days. Everyone he met, he asked,

HANS: (to STRANGERS 1 & 2) Can you give me the willies?

NARRATOR: Many tried—

STRANGERS 1 & 2: (try to scare HANS with scary faces and spooky
sounds)

HANS: (looks bored and sighs)

NARRATOR: —but none could.

STRANGERS 1 & 2: (shrug to audience)

NARRATOR: At last he came to the King’s castle and stood before the
King.

HANS: Your Majesty, can you give me the willies?

KING: Of course I can. I’m the King!

NARRATOR: The King waved his royal scepter.

KING: (waving his scepter, then pointing it at HANS) I command you to

have . . . the willies!

NARRATOR: Hans waited, but nothing happened.

HANS: I’m sorry, Your Majesty, I still don’t have them.

KING: Oh well, at least I know where you can get them. On the other
side of my kingdom is a haunted castle. If you spend the night there, you
are sure to get the willies.

HANS: Thank you, Your Majesty!

KING: There’s just one problem. No one who goes there ever lives
through the night.(cheerfully) But, if you stay alive and break the spell,
you’ll find the castle treasure!

HANS: That’s fine with me, as long as I get the willies!

KING: (to audience, gives a look of disbelief)

NARRATOR: It was midnight when Hans reached the castle. The towers
cast eerie shadows under the full moon. The drawbridge lowered itself at
Hans’s feet.Creeeeeeeeeeeek. Booooom.

HANS: (happily, to audience) Seems like a friendly place!

NARRATOR: As Hans entered the great hall, a fire sprang to life in the
huge fireplace.Voooooom! Hans pulled up a chair and settled himself to
wait.

HANS: (cheerfully, to audience) Now I’m sure to get the willies.

NARRATOR: The clock in the great hall struck one. Bonnngggggg. A voice
boomed out behind him.

VAMPIRE: Velcome!

NARRATOR: Hans looked around and saw two men playing cards. One
had a long, black cloak, and the other had a furry face.

WEREWOLF: (growls at HANS and bares his teeth)

VAMPIRE: (to HANS) Vould you care to join our game? It’s been so long
since ve had anyvun to . . . play vith.

NARRATOR: Hans took a seat.

HANS: Certainly! It will pass the time, while I’m waiting for the willies!

VAMPIRE: I vill explain the rules. If my furry friend vins . . . he vill rip
you to shreds.

WEREWOLF: (snarls at HANS)

VAMPIRE: If I vin . . . I vill drink your blood. If you vin . . . ve vill let you
live.

HANS: Sounds fair to me!

WEREWOLF: (growls)

NARRATOR: The furry man dealt the cards. They played for almost an
hour. In the end, the cloaked man won.

VAMPIRE: (laughs ominously) I vant to drink your blood!

NARRATOR: He moved closer to Hans, showing two long, pointy teeth.

HANS: I think you cheated.

NARRATOR: Hans reached for the pointy teeth and broke them off—
Snap!

VAMPIRE: YEEE-OWWWWWWWW!

NARRATOR: And out of the hall ran the man.

WEREWOLF: (roars)

NARRATOR: The furry man leaped at Hans, but Hans sprang away and
the man flew past—right out an open window.

WEREWOLF: (screams)

NARRATOR: Hans heard a dull thud. Then he went and settled himself
again before the fire.

HANS: (to audience) I enjoyed the game, but when do I get the willies?

NARRATOR: The clock struck two. Bonnngggggg. Bonnngggggg. Hans

heard a rattling, and into the hall marched a long line of skeletons.
The first skeleton snapped its fingers. Click. Click.

SKELETON 1: (with NARRATOR, starts snapping fingers)

NARRATOR: The second skeleton knocked its knees. Clack. Clack.

SKELETON 2: (with NARRATOR, starts knocking knees together)

NARRATOR: The third skeleton drummed its skull. Clock. Clock.

SKELETON 1: (with NARRATOR, starts pretending to knock on head)

NARRATOR: The fourth skeleton tapped along its ribs in a little

tune. Clackety, click clock. Clackety, click clock.

SKELETON 2: (with NARRATOR, starts tapping ribs)

HANS: Nice beat!

SKELETONS 1 & 2: (keep “playing”)

NARRATOR: The other skeletons formed a circle and started to dance.

One skeleton stretched a hand toward Hans.

HANS: Don’t mind if I do!

NARRATOR: Hans took hold of two bony hands and danced in the circle
around the hall.

HANS: (dances in place, with arms outstretched) Hey, this is fun!

SKELETONS 1 & 2: (play faster)

NARRATOR: The music got faster. Clackety, clackety, click clock clackety.
Clackety, clackety, click clock clackety.

HANS: (dancing faster) Hold it, I can’t dance that fast!

SKELETONS 1 & 2: (play even faster)

NARRATOR: But the skeletons gripped his hands harder and danced even
faster.Clackety clickety, clackety clockety. Clackety clickety, clackety
clockety.

HANS: (dancing even faster) I said HOLD IT! (stops, digs in)

NARRATOR: Hans gave a yank and—Pop!—the two skeletons’ arms came

right off.

SKELETONS 1 & 2: (freeze)

NARRATOR: The music and the dancing stopped.

HANS: (sheepishly, holding up the arms) I think you lost something.

NARRATOR: The skeletons rushed at Hans and started jumping on him.

Hans grabbed a chair and swung it, this way and that. Crash! Bash! Bones
flew here, there, and everywhere, till the skeletons lay all in pieces on the
floor.
 Hans gathered them up and tossed them out the window. Then he
settled himself once again before the fire.

HANS: (to audience) I like a little dancing, but I wonder when I’m going
to get those willies!

NARRATOR: The clock struck three. Bonnngggggg. Bonnngggggg.

Bonnngggggg. From up the chimney came a deep voice.

GIANT: LOOK OUT BELOOOOOOOWWW!

NARRATOR: Something huge came falling down, swerved to miss the fire,
and—thump—landed before the fireplace. It was a giant body, with no
arms or legs or head.

GIANT: (still from up the chimney) LOOK OUT BELOOOOOOOWWW!

NARRATOR: Thump thump thump thump. Two giant legs and two giant
arms landed next to it.

GIANT: LOOK OUT BELOOOOOOOWWW!

NARRATOR: Thump. A giant head landed by the rest.

HANS: (to the audience) I get it! It’s a puzzle, and I have to put it
together!

NARRATOR: Hans heaved the two giant legs and stuck them onto the
body. Snap. Snap.

GIANT: (angrily) Hey!

NARRATOR: It was the giant head talking.

GIANT: You got the shoes pointing out!

HANS: Oh, sorry.

NARRATOR: He switched the legs. Snap. Snap. Snap. Snap. Then he

stuck on the arms and the head. Snap. Snap. Snap. The giant jumped up.

GIANT: The spell is broken! You’re the only one ever to get me together.
The others all died of fright long before this! Now follow me to the castle
treasure.

NARRATOR: Hans followed him to the doorway.

GIANT: (brusquely, gesturing out) You first.

HANS: (graciously, also gesturing out) After you.

NARRATOR: The giant led him to the courtyard and pointed to a shovel
under a tree.
GIANT: (pointing) Dig there!

HANS: (irritated, also pointing) You dig there!

NARRATOR: The giant dug till he uncovered three pots of gold.

GIANT: (pointing his thumb back) Take them inside!

HANS: (really annoyed, also pointing his thumb back) You take them
inside!

NARRATOR: The giant took the pots of gold and set them down in the
great hall.

GIANT: (pointing to one pot, then another, then at HANS) One is for the
king, one is for the poor, and one is for you.

NARRATOR: Then he fell into pieces again and flew up the chimney—first
the head, then the arms and legs, then the giant body.

HANS: (to audience) Some folks just can’t keep things together.

NARRATOR: Hans went back to his chair before the fire, curled up in it,
and sighed.

HANS: (to audience) It’s nice to be rich, but when will I ever get the
willies?

***

NARRATOR: And that is how Hans stayed alive, broke the spell, and
found the treasure. When the King heard the tale, he let Hans live in the
castle, and when Hans grew up, he married the King’s daughter. Within a
year they had triplets—three fine sons.

PRINCESS: Dearest, would you like to name them?

HANS: Certainly! Their names will be Willy . . . Willy . . . and Willy!

PRINCESS: (confused) But why all the same?

HANS: (triumphantly, to audience) Because now I’ll have the Willies!