Sheridan 1

Sydney Sheridan

Mrs. Cramer

Comp Pd. 4

22 February 2019

When I got the call, I was standing in the parking lot of the diner where my family had

just eaten breakfast. I remember everything feeling like it was happening in slow motion when I

fell to the ground in tears. My grandpa, or as I called him, Papa, had just been found dead. No

matter how many times I played that thought over and over in my head, I just couldn’t grasp the

idea that not only was one of the most important people in my life gone, but he committed

suicide.

The tragedy began on a Thursday in October during my freshman year of high school.

My grandpa told my grandma that he was going for a ride, and then he never came back. My

entire family was extremely worried, as could be expected, and people all over Bradford were

searching for him. I remember seeing several posts on social media describing the situation and

asking people to look for him. From the start, I knew something wasn’t right. It wasn’t like my

grandpa to go anywhere farther than the grocery store without my grandma. When we found out

that my grandpa’s gun was nowhere to be found, I got an unsettling pit in my stomach. I didn’t

want to believe that my grandpa could ever do something like committing suicide, yet the

thought was circling in the back of my mind. Nearly four days later, that frightening thought was

confirmed. I was told that my grandpa was found in his Jeep at a trail parking lot on the way out

of town.

Words could not describe all the emotions going through my mind at that moment. I just

couldn’t bring myself to understand why my grandpa would ever do something like that. At the
 Sheridan 2

time, I kept feeling like I should have been able to do something to stop him. I was extremely

worried that he felt that he wasn’t loved, or that he wasn’t good enough. It broke my heart to

think that my grandpa was depressed and felt the need to take his own life. No matter how many

times I told myself it wasn’t my fault, thoughts continued to circulate in the back of my head. If I

had only known how he was feeling, then I could have told him he was wrong. I could have told

him that he was loved, and that I didn’t want to lose him.

Although losing my grandpa in this way was the saddest thing I have ever experienced, I

truly believe it has had a positive impact on my life. Experiencing his death has truly changed

how I view life and who I am as a person. I have learned that I should never take the time I have

with the people I love for granted because I do not know how long I will have with them. I also

learned that I should never assume that I know what others are going through in their own lives. I

should always tell the people I love that I love them and that they are important, and that their

lives matter. It still kills me inside to know that I couldn’t do anything to prevent my grandpa

from taking his life, but from now on, whenever I see anyone struggling, I will make sure they

know suicide is not the answer. I will also continue to make sure that I show all my family and

friends unconditional love and spend as much time with them as possible. My grandpa will

forever be kept close to my heart, and I will continue to try and make him proud.