RULES FOR DATING MY DAUGHTER

written by

Tyler Bain

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INT. SUBURBAN HOME - AFTERNOON
Extremely close on a shitty tin wall hanging that reads:
RULES FOR DATING MY DAUGHTER
We pan down very slowly, revealing the rules inscribed
beneath:
1. GET A JOB
2. UNDERSTAND I DON'T LIKE YOU
3. I'M EVERYWHERE
4. YOU HURT HER, I HURT YOU
5. BE HOME 30 MINUTES EARLY
6. GET A LAWYER
7. IF YOU LIE TO ME I WILL FIND OUT
8. SHE'S MY PRINCESS, NOT YOUR CONQUEST
9. I DON'T MIND GOING BACK TO JAIL
10. WHATEVER YOU DO TO HER, I WILL DO TO YOU
Moving laterally now, we slowly gravitate away from the wall
hanging and towards a closed door at the end of a corridor.
As we move closer towards the door we begin to hear a faint
but incredibly distinctive sound - skin hitting skin, over
and over. The nearer we get to the door the clearer it
becomes that this is the sound of someone masturbating.
CUT TO:
Behind the door and inside an immaculate bathroom we see
someone's back. They are standing over the toilet, one hand
jerking, the other hand holding a family photo frame. We push
in on the photo. It's a family of three - father, mother and
daughter - in their living room. The masturbator moves their
thumb over the faces of the father and mother and we zero in
on the daughter. They get faster.
CUT TO:
INT. SUBURBAN HOME - LATER
A large oil painting of a young girl, smiling at us, hangs on
the wall of the same affluent home. It's the girl from the
family photo. She is blonde and looks to be about 14. It's
the kind of painting that rich parents would commission for
their incredibly embarrassed teenage child. Alongside the
painting are arguably too many family photos, as well as
several decorations and posters probably bought at Kmart
('live, laugh love' is everywhere, as is 'c'est la vie' and
'carpe diem').
We slowly move away from the painting and towards a spiral
staircase. The muffled sound of an arguing couple seeps
through to us from upstairs.
 2.

JULIE (O.S.)
Do you think that's what she wants
to be hearing right now?
GARY (O.S.)
Well it doesn't matter if she wants
to hear it, it's something she
needs to be told.
JULIE (O.S.)
Why does she need to to be told
that?
GARY (O.S.)
Because, it's her fir-
JULIE (O.S.)
And why would it not matter if she
doesn't want to hear it?
GARY (O.S.)
Because she-
JULIE (O.S.)
Don't you think she's feeling
stressed enough right now?
GARY (O.S.)
She hasn't said anything about
feeling stressed.
JULIE (O.S.)
Oh so that means she's not? So that
just - of course she's stressed! Or
at least nervous.
GARY (O.S.)
I can understand feeling nervous,
but-
JULIE (O.S.)
And you've already told her this,
she already knows this.
A door opens upstairs and the conversation is instantly
louder. GARY PEARSON (47) and JULIE PEARSON (46) descend the
staircase. They are the parents from the family photo. Julie
wears a maroon blouse and black pants. She carries a handbag
and her car keys. Gary wears thick hiking socks, cargo shorts
that are a little too long, and a fleece jacket. We follow
them through the house as they walk.
 3.

GARY
Yeah, I know she already knows, I'm
just reminding her.
JULIE
Well, exactly, you don't need to
bring it up again. She's too young
for this. Now, I probably won't be
home until 10 or 11 tonight so
you'll have to make dinner for
yourself.
GARY
That's exactly what I'm saying!
JULIE
I mean she's too young to be told
what to do by you.
GARY JULIE (CONT’D)
How could she be too young In fact, that has nothing to
for that? do with age.
GARY (CONT’D)
How old were you when you started
going on dates?
JULIE
I was Steph's age.
GARY
You were not!
JULIE
Look, Gary, you need to understand
that there's only so much control
you can have over th-
GARY
Oh Julie will you just give me this
one fucking conversati-
Julie stops in the hallway and they stand face to face.
JULIE
Oh, do not get angry with me. This
is a very special night for her and
you need to let her have that on
her own.
 4.

GARY JULIE (CONT’D)
Oh, special night? What do Yes, and we need to take a
you think that means to the step back from - oh are you
horny little shit that's fucking joking?
taking her?
She keeps walking, he follows her.
GARY (CONT’D)
Fucking hell Julie.
They arrive at a door and open it to reveal STEPHANIE PEARSON
(16) in her room, who we instantly realise is a slightly
older version of the girl from the painting and family photo.
Their frowns instantly turn to smiles.
GARY (CONT’D) JULIE
Hey, there she is! Oh my goodness, don't you
just look absolutely
gorgeous!
Stephanie, sitting at her desk, doesn't get up, but they
attack her with a family hug.
STEPHANIE
Guys!
She's annoyed at first, but as Gary squeezes her tighter she
smiles and even lets out a little laugh.
JULIE
Oh, Steph...
She's clearly been working on her hair and makeup for some
time, and she's wearing an extravagant red dress with a split
thigh. She's ready for a very special night.
The hug ends and Gary steps back. Julie stays kneeled by
Stephanie's chair.
JULIE (CONT’D)
(touching Stephanie's
chin)
You look so beautiful, darl.
Gary, hands on hips, looks her over. His eyes stick in one
place. He bends down and touches Stephanie's thigh, at the
split in her dress. Stephanie recoils a little.
GARY
What's this?
Neither Stephanie or Julie say anything.
 5.

GARY (CONT'D) (CONT’D)
I thought we decided you weren't
getting the one with the... with
the split.

Stephanie doesn't know what to say. She looks to her mum.

JULIE
Gary, she liked this one.
GARY
What happened to the one you showed
me?
Julie stands up.
JULIE
Which one I showed you?
GARY
The one that... I don't know - it
didn't have one of those down the
side.
JULIE
Well we didn't get that one, did
we?
GARY
Oh, well she's not going out in
that thing, is she?
JULIE
What does it look like?
GARY
Well... No. No, I'm not happy about
this.
JULIE
Stephanie is. So it's fine.
Julie smiles at Stephanie. Stephanie tries to smile back, but
she knows it's really not fine.
JULIE (CONT’D)
Steph, I'm so sorry, I have to get
going, but I'll be here when you
get back and you can tell me all
about it, okay?
STEPHANIE
(smiling)
Okay Mum, thanks.
 6.

Julie gives her daughter a kiss on the forehead. They share a

brief moment before she walks back out into the hallway. Gary
follows her, and glances back at Stephanie for a moment.
She's looking at him. We hang on this for a beat.

INT. HALLWAY - THAT MOMENT

Julie is headed for the door with her car keys out.
GARY
It's not even five, why are you
leaving now?
JULIE
Well, exactly, I have to drop off
the car at the mechanic by five.
GARY
What's wrong with the car?
JULIE
The engine light's been on.
GARY
I can take a look at that, you
don't need to take it to a
mechanic, we'll pay through the
nose.
JULIE
Well these people really know what
they're doing.
Gary's a little hurt.
GARY
How will you get to dinner? Do you
need a lift?
JULIE
I'll just take the train, or one of
the girls will pick me up.
(beat)
JULIE (CONT’D)
Okay?
GARY
You won't be back until 10?
 7.

JULIE
(walking out the door)
Yeah, or maybe 11. I'll see you
tonight!
The door closes on Gary. For a moment he stands there, before
slowly moving towards a window by the door. He sticks a
finger through the venetian blinds and peers out. Julie is in
her car and backing out of the driveway. He watches her
leave, making sure she's really gone. We hold on him for a
long time, until he looks back over his shoulder - to
Stephanie's room.

INT. STEPHANIE'S ROOM - MOMENTS LATER

Stephanie is still sitting at her desk, scrolling on her
phone now. Her phone case is filled with glitter that moves
when tipped upside down. We hear a light knock and she looks
up to see Gary's head poke through the doorway. He smiles.
GARY
Excited?
She nods. Doesn't let go of her phone, but looks at him.
STEPHANIE
Yeah.
The moment hangs.
GARY
Nervous?
STEPHANIE
Yeah, a little bit.
He steps into the room and closes the door behind him. His
hands are by his side and he rocks uncomfortably back and
forth on the spot. He looks down at the ground, trying to
think of something else to say to break the ice. Nothing. He
goes to grab a teddy bear sitting on a bookshelf, opening his
mouth to say something, but cuts himself off.
GARY
So...
He sits down on her bed. There's a noticeable distance
between them.
GARY (CONT’D)
First date.
 8.

STEPHANIE
Well, it's a formal, so, you have
to go with someone.
Gary nods.
GARY
So going with someone would make
it... a date?
STEPHANIE
Yeah, I guess.
Gary lets out a weird little dad laugh and extends his arm to
pat Stephanie on the knee. The distance between them is much
longer than his arm can reach. He has to sort of get up from
his seat.
GARY
No, but, tonight really is a very
special night. Special night for a
special girl - haha. Special night
for my special girl.
She doesn't say anything.
GARY (CONT’D)
But, ah, yeah, I do understand... I
do understand, Steph, that
tonight's a pretty big night for
you. Must have a lot going through
your head. And I guess, it looks
like Mum's seen fit to go with...
with this dress.
(beat)
GARY (CONT’D)
And so, Steph, I just hope... why
are you sitting all the way over
there? Come and sit down here. Come
on, not afraid of your old man are
you?
She gets up and sits next to him on the bed.
GARY (CONT’D)
I just hope that you'll remember
our values tonight, and everything
we've talked about, okay? I know
you're a smart girl and you'll do
the right thing, but... I was a
teenager once, you know?. A teenage
boy, right?
(MORE)
 9.
GARY (CONT’D)
And, ah, I know what these boys
want, and I know that this boy...
STEPHANIE GARY (CONT’D)
Joel. We're just friends I know that you and Joel are
though. just - yes, I know that.
GARY (CONT’D)
I know you guys are just friends,
but Joel's still a teenage boy.
Okay? And I know that he's gonna
take one look at you in that dress,
with that...
He motions to the thigh split.
GARY (CONT’D)
...and he's going to be feeling a
certain way. He's only going to
want one thing, you understand?
She nods, reluctantly. Gary's going to give her the spiel and
she's just going along with it now.
GARY (CONT’D)
So, before you leave tonight, we
need to do something about that
split.
STEPHANIE
What do you mean?
GARY
We'll grab Mum and she can have a
go at that gap on the sewing
machine, we'll close it up.
STEPHANIE GARY (CONT’D)
Dad, what are you - Mum can't Why not? What's so hard about
close it on the sewing closing it?
machine! It'll look - it'll
look so stupid! Dad I'm
serious like, you literally
can't, it doesn't work like
that. Mum said this was fine.
GARY (CONT’D)
Well I just told you that it's not-
He cuts himself off and goes very quiet, pursing his lips.
Eventually, after a long pause, he lets out a painful sigh.
GARY (CONT’D)
And you don't have another one?
 10.

STEPHANIE
(soaked in attitude)
No, I don't have another formal
dress.
GARY
There is no need to get snappy with
me.
STEPHANIE
I wasn't getting snappy!
GARY
You were getting snappy - do you
have another one?

STEPHANIE
No.
(beat)
GARY
Well, if we can't do anything about
it, then...
(beat)
You know, Mum and I were just
talking, and we were saying that it
really feels like yesterday that
you know - I could
(raising a hand)
hold you in my hand. And I know - I
know what you're thinking, you
know, 'Dad, shut up! I don't care',
you know, 'like, this is
embarrassing, Dad,', but it's true,
I mean you hear parents talk about,
you know, say that stuff, and you
just can't believe it until it
happens. I mean, I remember... I
remember you and Mum coming home
with your first bra like it was
just last-
STEPHANIE
DAD!
GARY
(laughing)
Oh, come on Steph! I just mean,
you're growing up fast.
Stephanie doesn't know whether to frown or smile. Perplexed,
she does neither.
 11.

GARY (CONT’D)
And you know, I think about those
days, I think about when you were
little, walking around in nappies,
and I look at you now... and... and
to me you're that same little girl,
you know? Just my little girl. And
really, you hear this stuff about
dads and daughters and you know,
growing up, going on dates, and
it's... it's, you know, watching
you grow up is great, but...
sometimes - it can be a tricky
thing. And you know, now you're
going on dates, and to formals,
and... for a father to see his
daughter, you know, with a boy...
STEPHANIE GARY (CONT’D)
Joel and I are just friends And I know you guys - I know
though, Dad. you guys are just friends, I
know that.
GARY (CONT’D)
But... it can be a tricky thing. Is
what I'm saying. Sometimes I feel
like... it's a bit like I'm losing
my management position. Managing
you, I mean.
(beat)
GARY (CONT’D)
It can be a tricky thing. Because I
do still see my little girl, you
know, ponytail on the side, out on
the netball court in the tight
little sport shorts, you're still
the same. Only you used to listen
to me a lot more - hahaha.
Stephanie lets out a little smile.

GARY (CONT’D)
And so, what I'm saying is, if we
can't do anything about this dress,
and if I can't be there tonight,
then you need to remember what I'm
telling you here, okay?
(MORE)
 12.
GARY (CONT’D)
Because as soon as you walk into
that room, and you're wearing that,
every horny little boy is going to
see you, and they're going to want
to be taking you home. Right? And I
know we've talked about this, and I
know you'll do the right thing by
me and Mum, but you need to make
sure you do the right thing for
you, and that's saying no. Okay?
And look, I get it, you're 16,
we've all been there, and I'm not
saying you can never date or
anything like that, but, not yet.
The time'll come for all of that.
At your age it's just not on, okay?
I mean, you know Mum and I are
always here, you know, we're here
if you ever wanna talk about that,
or if you have any questions.
He puts his hand on her knee. She notices.
GARY (CONT’D)
I don't want you to feel like you
can't talk to me about these
things. You know, yes, I'm 'Dad',
or whatever, but you can talk to me
about anything, we can talk about
sex, or your body-
STEPHANIE
Dad...
GARY
I'm just saying you can ask me
about these things if you ever need
to! You know, a body is a
perfectly... it's a perfectly
natural thing. I want to make sure
we can talk about this stuff, you
know, so it doesn't get weird
between us.
He pats her knee. But keeps his hand there.
GARY (CONT’D)
But for tonight, it's straight
home, alright? And I don't think I
have to tell you what would happen
to Joel if you brought him home, do
I?
 13.

STEPHANIE
Dad, you don't have to worry, I'm
not gonna do anyth-
GARY
I know I don't have to worry, I
know, I just - if this boy hurts
you, I will hurt him. He needs to
know that. I mean, you've seen the
rules. I know it's a bit of fun,
but it's also very serious. And
when I drop you off, I think it'd
be best if you introduce me to him
and we have a little chat.
STEPHANIE GARY (CONT’D)
Oh, actually- You know, I can see why you
picked this dress. You really
do look incredible tonight,
Steph. In fact - and I hope
this isn't weird coming from
your dad and everything, but
- it is a pretty sexy dress.
She stares at him.
GARY (CONT’D)
What?
(beat)
STEPHANIE
What I was gonna say, was, um, I
was actually - Joel was actually
going to pick me up... and then,
and I talked to Mum and she said
it's okay, but I was actually gonna
stay at Molly's tonight.
Gary's eyes are wide. He just looks at her for a long time.
His hand does not move.
GARY
Molly's? Staying at Molly's? He's
picking you up and you're staying
at Molly's, you think I believe
that?
She is horrified. She can't move. We stay in this moment for
far too long. His hand squeezes a little tighter, until
eventually it slowly begins to move up her leg and feel the
split in the thigh. She recoils a little, like he's just
touched her with cold hands.
 14.

STEPHANIE
Dad...
He just looks at her. She looks back, her lips sitting
slightly apart. He has a desperate longing in his eyes.
His hand immediately moves up the slit in her thigh and to
her crotch. He throws himself on top of her, pushing his
mouth to hers. She is completely smothered by him. She
screams, lunges back and kicks at him with her feet. At first
it doesn't work, he pushes her back into the bed, but she
manages to kick again and slide out from under him. Bawling
and gasping for air, she sprints past him, out of the room
and into the hallway. We hear the front door open and slam
closed.
GARY (O.S.)
STEPHANIE! I didn't mean it! I
didn't - come back in here!
Gary stays sitting on his daughter's bed. He breathes slowly
but heavily and stares at the ground. We stay with him for a
very long time. We can hear Stephanie's cries from the street
getting quieter - running away. His eyes are wider than
before.
After staring at the floor for an eternity his gaze catches a
small plush dog sitting next to the door - a doorstop. It
seems to be looking up at him. A blank face. He stares back
at it as his expression slowly begins to morph from utter
disbelief to a deeply repressed rage. His body shakes. The
dog stares.
CUT TO BLACK