When Grief Walks In

I remember the day I met the most terrible roommate I have

ever had in my life. After four years of college and many wonderful roommates,
everything changed with one awful one. He acted like he owned the place. He left
clutter everywhere. Completely uninvited, he was thrust upon me by the powers
that be. I didn’t know how to get rid of him. I felt stuck. Like a force of nature, he
swept in and swallowed up everything that was great about my very happy life.

The most difficult part was that he made me into a crazy person. People tried to give
me advice on how to handle him, and even though they were well-meaning, they
just didn’t understand. There were days that I got angry and yelled. There were days
when all I did was cry. There were days when I just wanted to hide (and sometimes
I did!). There were days when all I could ask was, “Why?” And just when I thought
things were getting better, I started this vicious cycle all over again.
Truth be told, in your own life, you may have just met my roommate: his name is
Grief. Grief may have intruded into your life in the same sudden kind of way. You’re
going to try to be strong, and you’re going to try to cope with this intrusion. But
Mr. Grief acts like he owns the place. He intrudes into all parts of your heart,
cluttering up your mental space. He has been thrust upon you and no matter
how much you try, you just can’t seem to get rid of him.

The most difficult part is that he may make you feel like a crazy person. People will
try to give advice on how to handle him, and even though they are well-meaning,
they just don’t understand. There may be days when you get angry and yell. There
may be days when all you do is cry. There may even be days when all you want to do
is just hide (and maybe you will!). There will be times when all you can do is
ask, “Why?”

G rief is not linear — it doesn’t start strong

and taper off with time. Rather, it is like a
storm, that swells and falls, in the same day, and
often within the same hour.
Mr. Grief never really moved out of my life, but I now know how to live with him.
What made the difference was one simple article I read. An article that told me that
all of those crazy things I did was because I was grieving. Anger, tears, questioning
. . . that is exactly what grief does to a person. This article gave me permission to
grieve. So when I felt like crying – I let myself cry. And when I got mad – I knew I
wasn’t mad, I was grieving. All those “whys” and “what-ifs” – that was just grief. All
of it was OK, because it is all part of the grieving process.
Your loved one is gone and sometimes it hurts so badly you may ache with
sadness. But remember; these raw, wild emotions you feel are grief. When
you see other loved ones doing crazy things, take a step back and recognize
that they are not crazy either. They are not mad at you. They, too, are
grieving.

And, maybe, just maybe, we can all learn to live with this new roommate
called grief.
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Mr. John Anybody

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