Is incompatibility the primary issue resulting in divorce?

According to the National Vital Statistics System, part of a federal agency, the marriage rate
in the US has lingered between 6.8-8.2 people per 1000 population. Numerous states do not
submit essential statistics on divorce to the federal government on a regular basis, so the
entirety of the divorce demographics in the US is not updated. (Amato, 2010).

From an investigation done by the Telegraph, UK has 1.9 divorces per 1000 inhabitants, the
statistics were taken from the ONS, a government website for national statistics for the UK.

Census data (2001) shows from 1 billion Indians, approximately 2 million Indians in rural
and around 800000 in urban regions across the country. Personally, the number is quite
shocking to me, as divorce is still treated as a controversial subject in daily conversations.

Growing up in a two-parent household until the divorce of my parents and seeing the impact
of these problems in the relationship, shocked me into from a passive viewer to an active
participator in the causes and consequences of separation. I am looking to explore the main
causes of divorces, particularly in the Indian, American and UK context.

Issues

Incompatibility entails of two people in a marriage incapable of cooperative relationships or

behaving in understanding, There is a lack of communication between the discussed partners
before the cohabitation or the union of the parties.

According to the Institute for Divorce Financial Analysis, the top issues regarding divorce are
said to be basic incompatibility(43%), infidelity(28%), ​money issues(22%)​ in the US. Many
cases in the US (lawyers.com), give incompatibility as a reason for divorce, existing from
1952 and so. Lawyers.com and Marquette are both credible sources for citations and are
checked thoroughly before publishing, but the law university’s report is outdated, published
in 1964. With this, it is quite apparent that the leading cause for divorce has been prevalent
since decades.

Hindu matrimony is regarded as a means to build relations between two families, utmost
caution is taken to ensure high cultural compatibility between the two (Nambi, 2005).
Making sure that incompatibility is prevented from a cultural standpoint. The satisfaction that
a couple derives from marriage can be greatly influenced by the strategy used for mate
selection and whether the extended family acts as an active support system, shown for
couples in Bangalore (Joseph, Inbanathan, 2016). I think arranged marriage can be easily a
base-level solution to decrease incompatibility, and provide support after divorce. Arranged
marriage doesn’t appeal to me, but it could help in decreasing the chances of divorce.
Nambi’s article is from a journal, making sure it is peer-reviewed and checked for bias before
publishing. Joseph’s and Inbanathan’s articles are picked from Researchgate, that are made of
articles that can be published with no credibility in the subject.

Whatever the causation, incompatibility at the marriage front leads to a divorce or a

dissatisfied marriage. In event of a divorce, there is a lasting psychological impact on both
parties as well as the children. From the perspective of the court, it is divorce without any
mishandlings or issues. But even if the divorce has fewer mishandlings or issues, various
years of studies show that children with divorced parents score lower on measures of
academic performance, emotional orientation, self-esteem and social relations than children
with two married parents(​Amato, Boyd, 2013)​. Two years following my parent’s separation, I
also experienced a drastic decrease in academic performance and general academic interest so
I find myself in alignment with the findings of these studies.

A possible recommended solution could be counselling before marriage, the chances of

divorce due to incompatibility would lessen. I do believe that the couple should go through
couple’s counselling before and after the marriage takes place in order to avoid any
discrepancies.

Infidelity

Infidelity is ​the action or state of being unfaithful to a spouse or other sexual partner.

Institute for Divorce Financial Analysis’ research shows infidelity to be the second leading
cause of American divorces, estimates show that in the United States between 20 and 30% of
individuals commit marital infidelity (​Stanford, P. S., 2016). The same article states that out
of the two, wives are more inclined infidelity between the two due to there being a lack of
marital satisfaction, but both remain less susceptible to infidelity the more “happy” the
marriage seems to be. Only some insufficient research has focused on infidelity in same-sex
relationships ​(​Stanford, P. S., 2016). Those who are sexually dissatisfied reported more
infidelity, almost twice as strong for men compared with women​(​Stanford, P. S., 2016). The
journal in which the article is published is a credible source.

Schneider et al. (1999) reports show that 60% of their study participants initially threatened
to leave their initial relationship as a result of the revelation of the infidelity, less than
one-quarter of those couples actually separated, the author remains widely credible in the
field of family research.

A website for extramarital affairs, AshleyMadison, claims they have 2.75 lakh Indian users,
the dating site has a data leak of its users before, lowering credibility. In contrast to this, 16%
of Indian divorce cases in court are due to infidelity (RD et. al, 2016), colluding with
Schneider’s research. However, the number of cases surveyed were 150, insufficient to apply
to a majority.

In another survey conducted by a reputable site, Superdrug.com, Most European and

American men and women said they cheated only once (60-80%), while a little less than half
(32%-42%) admitted to more regular affairs, leading with European men and American
women.

“When the dam of denial bursts, the discoverer may be overcome by a total loss of trust in the
partner every communication shared between the two is now re-examined and tainted by
doubt”, Lusterman, a psychologist, remarks. Naturally, it is my understanding that this
paranoia can be carried down the line. The consequences of extramarital affairs can be a
newfound distrust for the institution of marriage which deteriorate their trusts in relationships
further down the line.

Divorced men and women show an increased risk of suicide and becoming victims of
violence. Children also show symptoms and anxiety, various behavioural and emotional
issues and aggression, also may earn a general distrust for the gender of the parent who had
the extramarital affair (Bray, J. H., & Jouriles, E. N., 1995).

A possible course of action could be that every two years, the married couple goes to a
module/ retreat that helps rejuvenate their relationships, or a fixed appointment with a
marriage counsellor, prolonging the marital duration and with so, decreasing chances of
infidelity or divorce.

Financial issues

An article in the prestigious newspaper, the New York Times in 2009 showed that financial
issues and disagreements had the potential to increase the rate of divorce by a massive 200%.
The research also showed that the frequency of economic conflicts were the best predictors
on when a duo would break up, even more than the frequency of sex. Linking this with
infidelity, as previously discussed, shows more reason for financial issues to be a cause of
divorce rather than infidelity. An article by CNBC published in 2015 also shows that 35% of
the couples had money as the main cause of arguments and 44% of people under stress had
money as their primary issue. The difference in opinion on spending money, like one being a
spender and another being a saver, also added fire to the problem. Moreover, 55% of couples
in a stable relationship said that their spouse spent money logically with a proper budget.

In a study conducted by ​Lorraine Harvey, in the UK, shows 22% of people has considered
separating or divorcing their partner, with family finances cited as the main reason for
relationships falling apart. Lorraine Harvey is a financial divorce lawyer, so her opinions may
come from a place of vested interest.

Financial disagreements were the only husband-reported disagreement type to predict

divorce. Among wife-reported disagreement types, financial disagreements most strongly
predicted divorce, and sex was the only other significant disagreement type, tying back to
likeliness to cheat ​(Dew, J., Britt, et. al, 2012).​ These findings supported those of Amato’s
and Rogers’, who found that financial issues were strong predictors of divorce relative to
other types of marital problems(​Amato, P. R., & Rogers, S. J., 1997​).​ Both articles are from
esteemed journals in the field of family research.

Australia’s Institute for Family Studies shows for the UK, five years after the divorce, men’s
household incomes were estimated to be 10% lower than they would have been had they
remained wedded. In the brief term following divorce, women underwent a fall in household
incomes opposed to their pre-divorce incomes the UK, 26%, showing that the economic
impact on women is more than that of men. I think it is a worrying number, especially if the
divorce was caused, a devastating impact that would affect the upbringing of the child and the
quality of life of the divorcee.

Reports on India show raises in the divorce rate due to the increasing income of women
(Mundu G.B, Unisa S., 2011), research from Princeton University shows. Showing
confliction from census data the figures found on divorces in rural areas, where the number of
women working is lower. Princeton University’s primary research is proven to be a credible
source over decades.

In India, after divorce, an Indian woman has no right on the assets, such as the house or
commercial property, bought in her husband’s name during the marriage. So if she leaves him
or gets divorced, even years after the marriage, she is without assets. Even if she co-paid, the
husband remains a benefactor and can seize property after divorce, Quartz summarizes, from
a UN report.

In counter to financial issues, to avoid complications after divorce, a prenuptial agreement,

should be signed before marriage, stating clearly which properties, how much alimony,
maintenance to each party, or divide in shares the marital property you own by the time of
divorce.

I personally think marrying at a young age is should also advised against since younger
couples aren’t mature enough to make such decisions and generally rushing into marriage
leads to divorce, as shown with the issue of basic incompatibility. Earning a good income and
being faithful are two of the most important things one needs to do to keep a marriage intact.
This is also supported by the research above where money and infidelity were two of the
most common reasons for divorce. Giving waiting time, at least a few years before jumping
to divorce would surely reduce the impacts on an individual, at least in cases of basic
incompatibility and financial issues and as chances of divorce decreases over time. Not
changing schools, homes, or daily routine should help establish a safer mental attitude for
children, showing normalcy.

Conclusion

Out of all three issues addressed, in the context of the USA and the UK, incompatibility
remains the largest cause of divorce today, but the research shows that in all three countries
where perspectives are explored, infidelity and financial problem are also strong indicators
and causes of divorce and vary by country. Despite that, I learnt that issues in relationships
can not only affect children up to their pre-pubescent years but also adult years. For divorce,
regarding English-speaking countries, had a diverse range of sources in primary as well as
secondary research, but for India, verified or government data was scarce.

Incompatibility is a strong predictor in terms of divorce, but there are other factors that have
contributed towards divorce and not just incompatibility or issues to be evaluated on the
surface, many factors such as communication, family, type of marriage and children also
account to whether a certain issue actually leads to divorce or just temporary separation.

Word count; 1971

Citations

{in order of appearance}

https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/dvs/national_marriage_divorce_rates_00-16.pdf​ (accessed 26/10/18)
Amato, P. R. (2010). Research on Divorce: Continuing Trends and New Developments. Journal of
Marriage and Family, 72(3), 650–666.
(​sci-hub.tw/10.1111/j.1741-3737.2010.00723.x)​ ​ (accessed 30/10/18)
https://www.telegraph.co.uk/travel/maps-and-graphics/mapped-countries-with-highest-divorce-rate/
(accessed 30/10/18)
https://data.gov.in/resources/marital-status-religious-community-and-sex-2001-india​ (​ accessed
30/10/18)
https://institutedfa.com/Leading-Causes-Divorce/​ ​(accessed 30/10/18)
http://scholarship.law.marquette.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=2679&context=mulr​ ​(accessed
1/11/18)
https://www.lawyers.com/legal-info/family-law/divorce/grounds-for-divorce-incompatibility.html
(accessed 3/11/18)
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2918313/​ (accessed 15/11/18)
http://www.isec.ac.in/WP%20373%20-%20Shiju%20Joseph%20and%20Anand%20Inbanathan%202
%20-%20Final.pdf​ (accessed 3/11/18)
Amato, P. R., & Boyd, L. M. (2013). Children and Divorce in World Perspective. Contemporary
Issues in Family Studies, 227–243
(​sci-hub.tw/10.1002/9781118320990.ch16​) ​(accessed 4/11/18)
Stanford, P. S. (2016). Infidelity in the United States. Encyclopedia of Family Studies, 1–6.
(​sci-hub.tw/10.1002/9781119085621.wbefs178)​ (accessed 4/11/18)
Schneider, J. P., Irons, R. R., & Corley, M. D. (1999). Disclosure of extramarital sexual activities by
sexually exploitative professionals and other persons with addictive or compulsive sexual disorders.
Journal of Sex Education and Therapy, 24, 277–287.
(​https://sci-hub.tw/10.1080/01614576.1999.11074316​ )(​ accessed 15/11/18)
http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/articleshow/44353938.cms?utm_source=contentofinterest&utm_m
edium=text&utm_campaign=cppst​ (​ accessed 15/11/18)
Girase RD, Haralkar SJ, Mulaje SM, Mangulikar SK. A Study of Socio-demographic Factors Leading
to Divorce – A Social Problem. Ntl J Community Med 2016; 7(2):116-120.
(http://njcmindia.org/uploads/7-2_116-120.pdf)
https://onlinedoctor.superdrug.com/cheaters-on-cheating/
Bray, J. H., & Jouriles, E. N. (1995). TREATMENT OF MARITAL CONFLICT AND PREVENTION
OF DIVORCE. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 21(4), 461–473.
(​sci-hub.tw/10.1111/j.1752-0606.1995.tb00175.x)​ (accessed 20/11/18)
Lusterman, D.-D. (2005). Helping children and adults cope with parental infidelity. Journal of
Clinical Psychology, 61(11), 1439–1451.
(​sci-hub.tw/10.1002/jclp.20193)​ (accessed 20/11/18)
https://economix.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/12/07/money-fights-predict-divorce-rates ​(accessed
25/11/18)
https://www.cnbc.com/2015/02/04/money-is-the-leading-cause-of-stress-in-relationships.html(​ access
ed 25/11/18)
https://www.slatergordon.co.uk/media-centre/press-releases/2018/01/as-divorce-day-looms-money-w
orries-top-list-of-reasons-why-married-couples-will-split-in-2018/​ (30/11/18)
Dew, J., Britt, S., & Huston, S. (2012). Examining the Relationship Between Financial Issues and
Divorce. Family Relations, 61(4), 615–628.s​ ci-hub.tw/10.1111/j.1741-3729.2012.00715.x​ (accessed
25/11/18) David de Vaus,
Matthew Gray, Lixia Qu, David Stanton (2015) The Economic Consequences Of Divorce In Six
OECD Countries h​ ttps://aifs.gov.au/sites/default/files/publication-documents/rr31.pdf​ (accessed
25/11/18) h​ ttps://paa2011.princeton.edu/papers/111589​ (accessed 30/11/18)
https://qz.com/india/224632/indian-women-will-never-be-equal-as-long-as-these-9-laws-remain-on-t
he-books/