Bryant 1

Kayla Bryant

English 1201

Professor Tyler

8 December 2020

Is marriage worth it?

There are thousands of couples across America that are considering marriage. Many

couples wonder if the marriage will last, they wonder if the marriage process is expensive, and

they wonder if they are too young to marry. Do marriages last until one partner passes away?

Are wedding expenses overpriced? Do marriages occur prematurely?

What is marriage? According to the Massachusetts Supreme Court, “Marriage is a

commitment from one human being to another and celebration of companionship, family and

mutallity” (Goodridge v. Department of Public Health 2003). Till death do us part. This is a very

archaic saying created in the Shakespearen era. Most couples that get married recite these words

wholeheartedly believing that they will continue being married until the other person passes

away. In the year of 2018, there were 2,132,853 marriages; however, there were 782,038

divorces and annulments (counting 45 states and D.C.) (CDC/NCHS). According to the Centers

for Disease Control and Prevention, the average marriage rate is 6.5 per 1,000 population, yet,

the divorce rate is 2.9 per 1,000 population (including 45 states and D.C.) (CDC/NCHS)​.The

rate of marriage has declined, divorce rates have increased with older adult couples ​(Horowitz et

al)​. In 2015, for every 1,000 married adults ages 50 and older, 10 had divorced – up from five in

1990. “Among those ages 65 and older, the divorce rate roughly tripled since 1990” ​(Horowitz et

al)​.

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Essentially, in a married couple, the partners are supposed to be friends, lovers, support

systems, inspiration, protectors etc. Although, with every child that they have, they spend less

and less time with each other, family, and friends. According to a 2013 Pew Research Center

survey, when people are asked, “Why get married?”; 88 % of people say that the most important

reason to get married is for love of one another (Geiger). If that is true why do so many people

get divorced?

In fact, one reason why some marriages do not last is because of financial stress. This is

the number one reason why couples divorce or separate. Most married couples argue with their

partners about who will pay which bills, how much the bills accumulate to and not having

enough money to pay them. Communication is another primary reason that couples break up.

Couples are not able to express themselves as well as they would like to. Developing and

maintaining a relationship is difficult for anyone, especially couples.

Furthermore, when partners are together a long time, they may often grow apart. Each

partner begins to become bored. The relationship becomes stale. The repetition and the lack of

spontaneity is the reason why relationships become less excited. Partners become comfortable

and a new partner begins to intrigue them. Lack of trust and infidelity may come into play.

Another person that is new and exciting catches the attention of a married partner. A weak

moment of the relationship can make or break marriages or any relationship in general. Weak

moments in marriages can ruin it, although with counselling can strengthen the relationship

(Healey pg. 9). Counselors can often times teach couples how to communicate effectively, how

to keep the relationship from growing stale and skills on how to maintain a lifelong partnership.

In a case study performed by HHS Public Access, one of the divorced participants

mentioned, “It became insurmountable. It got to a point where it seemed like he was no longer
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really willing to work [on the relationship]. All of the stresses together and then what seemed to

me to be an unwillingness to work through it any longer was the last straw for me” (Scott et al).

According to NCBI, lack of commitment is one of the most common reasons for divorce.

Couples are not always on the same accord and one of the partners does not want to be exclusive

in the fullest.

Individuals that have been remarried are more likely to report low marital satisfaction and

to separate from their partner than couples in their first marriage​ (​ Maybruch et al).​ T
​ hese

findings prove that beliefs towards marital success and separation are strongly related to events

that occurred prior to the marriage which affects one's views toward divorce (Maybruch et al).

This means that individuals that have been divorced, remarry without fully healing from their

past relationship. They begin a new marriage and once there is turbulence the partner that has

been married once before considers low marital quality and divorce more often than their first

marriage. Divorce couples may require counseling before they start a new relationship in order

for them to heal and to develop more efficient relationship skills.

The information above suggests that divorce is likely once stress and conflict appear in

the relationship. Prenuptial agreements are a way to protect one’s assets in case of a divorce.

`“These findings about the association between attitudes toward divorce and marital quality

suggest that premarital actions pertaining to divorce, such as signing a prenuptial agreement,

might likewise be associated with marital satisfaction, marital adjustment, and consideration of

divorce during marriage” (Maybruch et al). The process of signing a prenuptial agreement entails

that both partners address the possibility of a divorce that could occur and take actions to protect

their assets should a divorce occur in the future. Most couples do not like to discuss prenuptial

agreement because it presents the thought of distrust in the relationship. The preconceived
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notion of a financial prenuptial agreement mirrors the belief that agreeing to sign a prenuptial

agreement is attached to the thought of divorce before the marriage is final.

Prenuptial agreements in the United States of America have been statistically produced to

describe the premarital financial standing of each partner and their properties in the occurrence

of a death or divorce ​(​Maybruch et al). The primary reason for an agreement such as this is to

provide a safe haven for the belongings of each partner that may have belonged to them before or

obtained during their marriage (Maybruch et al). The other partner will not be able to take

belongings such as money, furniture, jewelry etc. that are not their own. Before the 1970s, states

viewed agreements as encouragement for “contemplating divorce” (Maybruch et al). Often, a

partner can become bitter and filled with greed and request half or more of the other partner’s

assets. After the 1970s, states started to hold the couples accountable to the fact that this is not an

excuse to divorce in the near future; in doing so states increased the cost of the process to divorce

(Maybach et al). Increasing the process of divorce discourages couples to separate. If the process

of divorce was more expensive, couples would consider their options more thoroughly. This was

done so that partners would not take advantage of each other readily. If the marriage is not

successful, then the signing of a prenuptial agreement will reassure couples that their assets will

not be mostly lost.

In contrast, couples do not have to get married in order to show their commitment to one

another. One way to show commitment is cohabitation. This is when an unmarried couple lives

together in the same home. According to Pew Research, the percentage of unmarried couples that

live together in America has arisen from 50% to 59%. Cohabitation is becoming more and more

accepted in today’s society especially by young adults. It is being socially accepted all across

the nation. Some couples plan to never get married (Horowitz et al). A vast majority of the
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couples display the same values that married couples have. Unmarried couples express that they

trust their partners, they attempt to handle money responsibly and they have good intentions with

their partners (Horowitz et al). Most couples explain that their reason for cohabitating is for love

and companionship. According to Pew Research, “But about four-in-ten cohabiters also say

finances and convenience were important factors in their decision: 38% say moving in with their

partner made sense financially and 37% say it was convenient (Horowitz et al).

Again, cohabitation is mutually less of a financial burden on both partners. They can

share a home which leads to sharing bills. This ultimately leads the couple to have less stress and

hardship. There is an opportunity to share a car which saves money as well. If the couple has

children, it is more convenient and beneficial for them both to raise the child together in the same

house.

Also, “Half of Americans ages 18 and older were married in 2017, a share that has
remained relatively stable in recent years but is ​down 8 percentage points​ since 1990” ​(Horowitz
et al)​. Couples are staying single for a longer period of time. As far as first marriages go: men are
getting married at 30 years of age and 28 years of age for women in 2018, according to the U.S.
Census Bureau ​(Horowitz et al)​. ​ They are possibly attempting to get to know their partners
better before they marry. And they may possibly attempt not make the mistake of getting married

if they are not sure.

Weddings in the United States of America are not cheap. CNBC states, in 2019, the
average wedding cost 33,900 dollars involving all expenses. Internations.org mentions, the cost
of a marriage license varies state to state and county to county, varying between thirty to one
hundred dollars. Fees may be higher for people getting married in a state that they do not live in.
In Ohio, the cost of a marriage license is fifty dollars. Engagement rings could cost 5,900 on
average (from t​he Knot 2019 Jewelry and Engagement Study​). Wedding dresses can cost a 1,000
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dollars on average. In cases where the marriage did not last, filing fees can range from one
hundred dollars and more. Other divorce fees and attorney fees can be thousands of dollars.

Additionally, for most weddings there is a cost for the venue. All data collected in this

paragraph was from the year of 2019. According to “The Knot”, on average a wedding venue can

cost 10,500 dollars (Sims). A dinner plate at a wedding can range in numbering. “The Knot” also

reports that on average a dinner plate at the reception can cost 70 dollars per person (Sims). This

is when the guest chooses between two or more preselected menu options. It depends on how

many courses will be served. One also has to consider the quality and quantity of the meals.

Some venues have a buffet or an opportunity for the quest to bring food for all of the quest to try.

The overall cost of catering depends on how many guests are invited. Flowers are expensive as

well. On average wedding flowers cost 2,000 dollars (Hanlon). Entertainment at weddings has its

expenses as well.

Another counter argument could be that marriage is important for religious reasons. The

bible states, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and

they shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). People of christian backgrounds prefer to become

married so they can become a strong foundation in the eyes of their creators. It is a known fact

that women and men are supposed to save themselves for marriage in a biblical sense. They are

supposed to start a family together. The bible says “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the

earth”(Genesis 1:28).

Child marriage could be another reason why marriages do not last until the end. Child

marriage is when a female child that is under the age of 18 is married (Kohno et al). In the gyspy

culture, woman get married at 18 years old or younger with the approval of a parent. Typically,
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the man that she marries is significantly older than her. The next paragraph explains the turmoil

young women have to encounter. Their marriages become unhappy and/or end.

Kohno states, “Child marriage often results in adverse health, economic, and social

consequences” (Kohno et al). All of the differences such as economic, social, power imbalance,

age gap, isolation and the absence of female autonomy are shown in studies to result in partner

violence (physical, verbal, sexual and emotion) (Kohno et al). Traditionally, adults get married,

afterwards they have children. If a child is married, even if they are not physically or emotionally

mature enough to bare children, the other partner expects them to. It is part of marital duties.

Kohno explains, “Among women aged 15–19 years, pregnancy related death is the second

leading cause of death” (Kohno et al).

Specifically, physical inability for childbearing, collaborating with absence of status,

resources, and access to pregnancy services, adjusts them at a greater risk of fetal diseases or

death (Kohno et al). Young women are limited to resources due to their age. Child bearing does

not only affect the young woman, it expects the child or children she is carrying as well. The

effects could be premature birth, growth restraints, infant death and malnutrition (Kohno et al).

For instace, another reason why child marriage is a factor among immigrant parents or

those that are poor is to advocate early marriage for financial reliefs (Kohno et al). For example,

there could be a father that has a low paying job and he has 6 to 7 children to support financially

so he marries his daughter with an older man so that a man can take care of his daughter. This

takes a burden off of the father. The females have no choice but to go along with the parent’s

choices because she does not have much power. She wants her parent’s approval. She may

become more financially well off with her husband than her family. Other females that have a

large number of family members living in the house or unhappy childhood view child marriage
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as a way to escape from their problems (Kohno et al) . Child marriage is most likely practiced by

females of lower classed, low-educated families in the rural communities (Kohno et al).

The parents expect that the females would transfer the responsibility to their husbands

who could begin to protect and look after them financially. Loneliness is a large contending

factor to child marriage. Due to mutual feelings of loneliness between men and young females,

the young females were motivated to get married prematurely. The feelings of loneliness began

from loneliness pertaining to not having many friends, siblings or social interactions in general

(Kohno et al). With a new marriage comes a new lifestyle, females are separated from their

families, friends and school. After the interaction of a husband and children, the females do not

have time to focus on their education any longer (Kohno et al). This results in a total new

lifestyle for the females. The parents that introduce their children to child marriage attempt to

provide a better life. Females that marry at an early age want to have children to reduce their

loneliness also (Kohno et al).

Moreover, the man is statistically going to work and provides for the family and the

young female is expected to provide children and perform duties done by wives. “They believe

that by having a baby, they would be able to fill the void in their lives” (Kohno et al)…and

typically replace the family that they lost. “Participants believed that since they are young and

immature, their decision-making and critical-thinking skills are limited, coupled with the lack of

information on marriage and a reliable source of consultation, hence, arbitrarily relying on their

parents to make decisions for them with regards to getting married” (Kohno et al). Essentially,

the marriages are arranged by the parents. The parents attempt to pick the best man for their

daughter based on what he can offer. Some participants desire to become mature, they believe

that marriage will help them become more mature.

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So, although some participants desire to postpone marriage until they achieve educational

and career goals, the absence of skills enable the parents to discuss child marriage (Kohno et al).

One participant states, “When my family suggested to get married, I cried all day because I was

so young. I told my mother I don’t like to marry now. I was at first grade of high school at that

time; I wanted to finish my education before getting married. But my parents were older than me

and I could not convince them to accept my explanations” (Kohno et al). The subject of

ineffective decision making ability was also discussed in a study done by Mardi et al that

discovered how young women who marry at a young age are stripped of their independence and

identity (Mardi et al). Another participant says, “. . .Marital life is very hard; cleaning the house,

cooking, taking care of the baby, it is just unbearable. Sometimes I wish I was not married. . .”

(Mardi et al). From the females’ point of view, they have willingly agreed to getting married at

an young age in attempts to please their parents. Mardi et al discusses that 46% of child

marriages end in divorce (Mardi et al).

On the contrary, Marriages can be successful. There are marriages that last until one

partner becomes deceased. In a study done at the University of Buffalo, both people in a

partnership need to feel safe and loved for the marriage to be successful and last. Attachment

theorists consider this a secure attachment (Mikulincer & Shaver 2007). Some benefits of

marriage are increased levels of security, social acceptance, increased levels of wealth,

companionship, tax advantages, it can contribute to a healthy family and it can sustain the

relationship etc. A wedding could be budget-friendly. Given the benefits of marriage for

individuals, including greater physical and emotional health, financial prosperity, and less

domestic violence (Amato, 2000, 2005). Same-sex marriages are legalized in the United States of

America, they are allotted the same rights that heterosexual couples are.
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In all actuality, marriage is not worth it. If the couple has a strong foundation, they truly

have a companionship and communicate effectively, situations can still contribute to the

relationship taking a turn for the worse. There are millions of individuals around the nation that

have been divorced, weddings can be expensive and child marriage statistically does stand the

test of time. It can be costly to get married, the statistics of divorce is very high and marriage is

not the only way to show commitment. Not every couple needs to get married, cohabitation can

be an option to consider.
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Works Cited

Gere, Judith, et al. “The Effects of Lack of Joint Goal Planning on Divorce over 10 Years.” ​PLoS

ONE​, vol. 11, no. 9, Sept. 2016, pp. 1–12. ​EBSCOhost​,

doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0163543.

http://sinclair.ohionet.org:80/login?url=https://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=

fsr&AN=118347062&site=eds-live

Maddy Sims. “The Average Cost of Wedding Catering.” 12 November

2019.​https://www.theknot.com/content/average-cost-wedding-catering

Healey, Justin. ​Marriage and Partnership.​ The Spinney Press, 2016. ​EBSCOhost,​

search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=cat01128a&AN=scc.b1858895

&site=eds-live.

http://sinclair.ohionet.org:80/login?url=https://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=

cat01128a&AN=scc.b1858895&site=eds-live

Maybruch, Chana, et al. “Marital Outcomes and Consideration of Divorce Among Orthodox

Jews After Signing a Religious Prenuptial Agreement to Facilitate Future

Divorce.” ​Journal of Divorce & Remarriage​, vol. 58, no. 4, May 2017, pp.

276–287. ​EBSCOhost​, doi:10.1080/10502556.2017.1301152.

http://sinclair.ohionet.org:80/login?url=https://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=

sih&AN=123226532&site=eds-live
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Kohno, Ayako, et al. “Investigation of the Key Factors That Influence the Girls to Enter into

Child Marriage: A Meta-Synthesis of Qualitative Evidence.” ​PLoS ONE​, vol. 15,

no. 7, July 2020, pp. 1–20. ​EBSCOhost,​ doi:10.1371/journal.pone.0235959.

http://sinclair.ohionet.org:80/login?url=https://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=

fsr&AN=144617228&site=eds-live

Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Marriage. 5 May 2020, Available online:

https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/marriage-divorce.htm​l.