DON’T CALL ME YET.

CALL ME WHEN YOU ALREADY

TALK ABOUT THIS.
JULY 20 19

Mama & Papa

Tara Sub., Brgy. Dalakit,
Catarman, N. Samar
Philippines, 1400

Dear Mama & Pap a:

May the peaceful day and the windy weather in our home calm your inner selves.

I wrote this letter simply because I’m losing my self. How it is so possible? Well, I don’t
really know until this TUMALOG experience I had in Oslob, Cebu. When I examined my
past during the program, which goes through since I was a child, I found out that I’m
quite disabled and broken. I just want you to know these things that I have
remembered.

First is when I got a segundo mano sneakers, mama brought me to ukay-ukay store in
Dalakit and let me choose what shoes I wanted so I chose that sneakers. I really love it
but it didn’t last long. So papa bought new one. This time it’s brand new shoes but I
don’t like it. Its so heavy because of the steel toe protection and it’s quite big for my
feet but papa still insisted that I should wear it. I used it in school and I ended tackling
and fighting my classmate because I was bullied by it. I felt rejected and unvalued.
Second, when I was about to go to college. I chose Civil Engineering right? I took
college entrance exam and passed it. I told you out of 300 who took the exam only
120 people passed the exam and I was in 69th spot, I thought you would be glad
about it but no response. So I had the final interview and waited for the next result
and when it was finally out I was surprised, out of the 120 who got interviewed only 80
people were accepted and I got the 39th spot. I presented my documents and results
to you and said that I will be enrolling to this college but you rejected it. You forced
me to take up nursing because it was in demand abroad that time. I told you that I
don’t like that course and I hate the hospital but I was not heard either of you. I felt
this time ignored and that there’s something inside of me died. Third, during college
days in UEP. Yeah I know during this three years I was so messed up. I failed subjects, I
got many accidents, shifted to another course and end up nothing because of
discouragement of the amateur professors I had. And yeah, you found out that
instead of going to class I was just spending my class time in the computer café. Then
I got accident in my birthday and that was the time papa shouted at me, “Gin wara
mo ak pag-tapud saim!” and after that all day were like spending my life being the
target of your sharp arrows, mga pabati. I can no longer go into college and I’ll just
have to manage the business. This time I felt shattered into pieces and my dreams
were thrown into the abyss. Fourth, as months passed by, the thought of redeeming
myself once more ignited when a seminarian of OSA came unto me and talked to
me about the seminary life. So I got an idea of maybe you’ll allow me once more if I
enter the seminary. Then I got in. One thing was clear to me that moment, I’m gonna
finish the Philosophy and will go out to take up Law. But halfway through it, I got
accident again. My left little finger was broken, my front tooth was cut and I got a lot
of bruises. Instead of treating me with first aid, you scolded me of being bobo and
tanga papa. The physical pain vanished because it was covered by the pain I felt in
my heart. Last but surely not the least. I was a so disappointed when I was compared
to my brothers' heights. What did I do to deserve such anguish? Despite of it I
struggled to top them when it comes to intelligence but it doesn’t change the fact
that I was short. Those excellences and successes cannot add up an inch of my
height. I’m still a loser in measurement. I felt frustrated and defeated.

Those are the significant events in my life why, as I had said earlier, I was losing my self.
The feeling of rejection and unvalued made me uncertain of my dignity.

Sincerely,

2
Ching