P.A.L.L.

[purpose, audience,language,layout]

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the King’s horses and all the King’s men
couldn’t put Humpty together again.

Identify the purpose and audience of the texts below from the following choices:

Purpose Audience

To amuse Large, egg-shaped creatures

To warn of the dangers of sitting on walls Coroner’s Court
To inform 7 year old child

1
The deceased was found at the bottom of the wall surrounded by horses and men.
From the injuries sustained I would conclude his shell had been subjected to a very large force.
Damage to his shell was consistent with a fall.
The pieces at the bottom of the wall were not, however, distributed randomly as expected but
spread out in a regular manner. This is consistent with an attempt to put him back together

2
Hello to all of you very big people and wobbly men! It is not a good idea to sit on a high wall as you
will roll and fall down. Better to sit on the floor and remain in one piece!

3
Once upon a time there was a person called H.D. He was big and round and looked a bit like an egg;
in fact people use to call him “Egg Head”, and tap him on his head as if he were a boiled egg.
One day H.D. was climbing walls outside his house. His mum yelled, “Be careful, H. You might fall!”
H.D. didn’t believe her and so he carried on climbing.
He struggled to do so; his legs were quite short and, true to his mum’s warning, “Ahhh!” He tumbled
and fell.
His mum heard and came out screaming and shouting.
Along came some soldiers. Try as they might they couldn’t put H.D. back together, and all poor mum
was left with were eggy soldiers.

4
“It was a beautiful summer’s day, M’lud. No rain-soaked bricks; no wet, mossy surface – perfect
traction in fact. My point is, there was no reason for Humpty to slip.
So, why did he fall?
We know he had enemies, that’s a well established fact.
Is this a case of murder?
We will now hear the police report……….”

5
Silly Humpty Dumpty hadn’t got a clue,
Silly humpty dumpty should have known just what to do.
Instead of sitting on a chair, he sat upon a wall.
“Oh, no!” he cried out, “It’s not fair! I think I’m going to fall!”
If only he had listened to his clever teachers
He’d still have his beautiful, egg-like features.

Once upon a time there was a very, very large man called Humpty Dumpty. HD looked a little bit like
an egg as he was very round. His problem was that he could not stop eating. On day HD was taking a
walk through his town, Dumptyville; his doctor had told him to get some exercise. As he was walking
he noticed a lovely apple tree with some lovely fresh, ripe, red apples ready for picking.
HD was feeling a bit peckish from the fresh air and exercise and so picked an apple to eat, and sat
down on a wall to eat it. What should happen but the wall crumbling beneath him…………

7
“HD was sitting on the wall at the back of Kidbrooke School. Witnesses report a young man smoking
behind the wall, staring at HD and muttering obscenities to him. At approximately 3.20 pm
neighbours report hearing shouting and an almighty crash.
At this point, they alerted the King who sent his team to investigate.
I would like to refer you, now, to the photographic evidence gathered at the scene……….”

Sitting on Walls: the Dangers

As eggs, you are all fragile.

Whether you are pro-monarchy or republican, the king’s army and indeed (although I’ve always
doubted their ability at handling eggs) his horses do not have a proven track record of egg first aid,
especially in the vicinity of walled structures………

The death of the aforementioned was caused by a fall from a height of 3.2 metres. Whether he was
pushed or merely lost his footing and fell is not for me to judge.
The cause of death was a fractured skull, causing an embolism in the frontal lobe, thus subsequently
causing death by haemorrhaging to that portal of the cortex.
That is my synopsis on the death of Humpty Dumpty.

10

Mr Dumpty was discovered just before 7am at the base of a large wall.
A brigade of His Majesty’s cavalry were called to attend but were unable to piece Mr Dumpty
together. He was pronounced dead at the scene.
Further investigation, which was supported by cctv footage in the area, confirmed that Mr Dumpty
had indeed slipped whilst he sat upon the aforementioned wall.
The court returned a verdict of accidental death.

11

This is a salutary tale that all egg shaped creatures should take heed of. 
 
DO NOT SIT ON WALLS.
 
Humpty Dumpty was having a day like any other day. He said goodbye to his wife and quail eggs and
went to the bus stop. He decided to rest his legs by sitting on the wall. Unfortunately, Humpty
overbalanced and fell from the wall. Landing on the hard ground, he was smashed to pieces. His
insides were scrambled and despite being attended to by the entire cavalry, Humpty died.
 
Humpty leaves behind him a wife and two young quail eggs who will now be dependent on state
benefits and will probably become homeless.