Employee of The Month

written by

Elliott Mair

 
OPEN ON:
A man's face. It is red and drenched with sweat.

PULL BACK TO REVEAL:

The man is running on a treadmill. He is dressed in a full
suit. This is ANDY, late 40's, greying.
CUT TO:

EXT. PARKING LOT.

A BIN MAN is empyting a trash can that sits out front of a
shop.
He looks into the shop window to see Andy running on a
treadmill.
Andy locks eyes with the Bin Man and waves. He then gestures
towards the treadmill, raising his eyebrows as if trying to
entice the bin man.
The Bin Man does not react but instead ties a bin bag up.
The Bin Man then looks back inside the shop and Andy is now
holding a sign, it has "£300" crossed out and above it is
"£290".
The Bin Man sighs. Andy raises his eyebrows.
The Bin Man walks off.
CUT TO:

EXT. PARKING LOT. LATER.

A white car pulls into the empty car park.
There is only one giant shop.
The shop, with a flashy neon sign, is called "Sports Emporium
Superstore".
A man steps out of the car, also dressed in a suit. This is
DAVE, early 30's, handsome.
Dave carries a travel mug of tea.
 2.

INT. SPORTS EMPORIUM SUPERSTORE. CONT.

Dave walks into the store.
DAVE
Andy?
Dave looks around and sees Andy standing behind the counter,
drinking a bottle of water and waving to him.
DAVE (CONT’D)
Morning.
Andy finishes his bottle of water. He is still sodden with
sweat.
ANDY
Good morning.
Dave walks across the huge shop floor and towards the
counter.
The entire shop is filled with sports equipment. It is so
jumbled and maze-like that navigating it is a difficult task.
Dave reaches the counter.
DAVE
Hey, do we have to do a stock take
tonight, Andy?
Andy tosses his bottle of water into a small waste basket.
ANDY
I'm not sure, why don't we check
the big book of sales?
Dave nods.
Andy ducks down behind the counter, searching for something.
He then pulls out a big red, leatherbound book.
On the front it reads "record of sales". The book is covered
in dust.
Andy blows the dust off of the front cover.
He flicks through the pages and then runs his finger down a
page.
ANDY (CONT’D)
Last sale was four months ago, so
no stock take, no.
 3.

DAVE
Well, I suppose you would notice if
we'd sold a big treadmill.
The pair laugh.
Andy puts the book away.
DAVE (CONT’D)
I'll go turn the sign around.
Dave walks away from the counter and back through the maze,
toward the shop door.
ANDY
Where you going tonight then?
Dave takes a nervous sip from his mug.
DAVE
Just out to dinner. There's this
lovely little string quartet that
play in this Italian restraunt that
Stacey and I adore. She likes the
food, I like the music, its a win
win.
Dave reaches the door and turns the sign around. He then
heads back to the counter.

ANDY
Stacey. Your fiancé, I assume?
Dave smiles slightly.
DAVE
Yeah, Stacey and I are having date
night.
Andy doesn't really react. Dave reaches the counter.
DAVE (CONT’D)
What about you? Do you have any
plans for tonight?
ANDY
Oh, just a microwave curry and
watch Railway Explorers on the TV,
I imagine.
The pair share an awkward silence.
DAVE
Nice.
 4.

Beat.
DAVE (ELONGATED) (CONT’D)
Nice.
ANDY
Anyway, enough about my personal
life, I'll clean some of the
equipment, you make some sales
calls. Phone local gyms, see if you
can flog them some of our exercise
to local Norfolk gyms.
DAVE
Will do, boss!
Andy walks off and Dave turns to the phone on the counter.
It rings.
Dave looks irritated. He answers the phone. We only hear his
side of the call.
DAVE (CONT’D)
Hello? No, no this is the Sports
Emporium Superstore. Uh-huh. Well,
we bought up the entire row of
shops in this lay-by so we could
have Norfolk's largest sport retial
outlet, hopefully. No, sir, no,
Blockbuster hasn't been there for
about fifteen years.
Dave hangs the phone up and yells to Andy.
DAVE (CONT’D)
That's the second time someone has
called this week asking about
Blockbuster!
Andy is wiping down a set of weights.
He yells back.
ANDY
I told you, its probably just bored
kids!
The phone rings again.
Dave answers. Again, we only hear his side of the call.
 5.

DAVE
Hello? Yes, the runmaster 10,000 is
in stock. No, it doesn't come with
the weighted ergonomic grips. If
you want to stop running I think
you just have to sort of leap off
of it-
The phone hangs up.
DAVE (CONT’D)
Hello? According to this guy, we
need to examine our buisness model.
ANDY
Get on the blower and make some
sales, lad!
DAVE
I'm trying to, its just-
The phone rings again.
DAVE (CONT’D)
Its all go this morning!
Dave picks up the phone. For the final time, we only hear his
side of the call.
DAVE (CONT’D)
Hello, yes sir. No, Big Eats snack
van is in the lay-by after us. Uh-
huh. You drive past The Sausage
Man, then theres us, then theres
Big Eats. Well, may I reccomend
that on your way to the snack van,
you stop by us and buy yourself a
treadmill? Then you won't feel as
guilty about eating whatever you
want, you can get your treadmill,
get your food, then go home and
exercise. Well, no I don't pretend
to know anything about your
personal life. I know a bacon roll
is much cheaper than a treadmill.
Well, where abouts in Los Angeles
do you live? We do ship
internationally-
The phone hangs up.
DAVE (CONT’D)
Dang, close to a sale there, Andy!
 6.

ANDY
Aye! If that phone gives you any
more trouble, you should burn it
round back!
DAVE
Ah, where all technology goes to
die.
CUT TO:

INT. BREAK ROOM. DAY.

Dave stands alone in a sprase break room. It is mostly full
of cardboard boxes but nestled between it all is a table with
tea making making facilities on it.
Dave makes himself a cup of tea and pours it into his travel
mug.
Beat.
Dave takes in the stillness of the break room.
He looks to a wall which has a group of framed photos on it.
They are all of Andy.
The banner above the photos reads "employee of the month".
Dave sighs.

INT. SPORTS EMPORIUM SUPERSTORE. DAY.

Andy is cleaning the shop's gigantic windows.
He sprays glass cleaner on a small section, then wipes it
away. Once the glass is clear, Andy can see a van pulling
into the parking lot.
ANDY
Dave! Your break is over, I think
we've got a customer! And he has a
van, its a certified sale!
Andy runs out the shop doors.

EXT. PARKING LOT. CONT.

The van pulls in front of an eager Andy, who is still holding
a bottle of glass cleaner.
 7.

The side of the van opens up and a large, 36 string harp is

placed on the ground.
A DELIVERY MAN appears in front of Andy, who is stunned.
DELIVERY MAN
Sign here.
In a weird revery, Andy signs the Delivery Man's device.
The van pulls away, leaving the harp and a stunned Andy.
DAVE
Whats going on?
Dave looks at Andy, then at the harp. He shuts his eyes.
ANDY
Well, I don't wish to worry you,
David but it seems that, instead of
making a sale, we got a harp.
DAVE
Weird.
ANDY
You're telling me.
The pair grab either side of the harp and push it into the
shop.

INT. SPORTS EMPORIUM SUPERSTORE. DAY.

Dave is cleaning the equipment near Andy, so he can keep one
eye on him. Andy is still looking at the harp.
DAVE
Are you OK Andy?
Andy nods.
DAVE (CONT’D)
You sure?
ANDY
I'm just confused as to why we have
a harp.
DAVE
It was probably bored kids, Andy.
 8.

ANDY
No, bored kids phone you about
Blockbuster, they don't deliver you
a fucking harp.
Dave approaches the harp.
He plays a few strings in a beautiful arrangment.
ANDY (CONT’D)
I didn't know you could play.
DAVE
Aye, I dabble.
ANDY
I'm just really confused as to why
theres a harp here right now.
DAVE
Its weird, right?
Andy looks at Dave with suspicion.
ANDY
Do you know summat about this?
DAVE
About what?
ANDY
The harp, imbesile.
Dave shakes his head.
DAVE
No!
ANDY
Very defensive, very skilled at
playing the bugger!
DAVE
Its not mine.
ANDY
I never said it were. If you was
any kind of friend to me, you'd
stay tonight and help me move it
but you've got plans with that
precious fiancé of yours-
In a sudden burst;
 9.

DAVE
Fine! Its mine, alright?
Silence.
ANDY
Well, why didn't you say?
DAVE
Because-
ANDY
Because?
DAVE
Because I'm not having dinner with
Stacey tonight.
ANDY
What are you doing then, having
harp lessons?
DAVE
No! I'm bloody applying to start up
my own music shop, OK!
Silence again.
ANDY
David-
DAVE
I'm sorry, Andy-
ANDY
David, please go and dance outside
with the sign whilst I think some
things over.
DAVE
Andy, I-
ANDY
Just bloody do it!
Dave heads outside.
Andy is left standing inside, he is welling up.
 10.

EXT. ROADSIDE. DAY.

Dave stands almost on the motorway, holding a sign for the
sports emporium. He is doing a little jig, flipping the sign,
he is also crying.
From behind Dave, through the shop windows, we can see that
Andy is violently smashing the harp to pieces. He kicks it
and snaps it and throws the strings everywhere.

INT. SPORTS EMPORIUM SUPERSTORE. DAY.

Andy and Dave stand over the smashed harp, not saying a word.
The sielnce is suddnely broken.
ANDY
Why, Dave? I know you joked about
changing the buisness model but I
didn't know you hated me that much.
DAVE
I don't hate you, Andy. I just-
this is a big passion of mine and I
was meant to tell you before and
then the harp turned up here
instead of at home and-
ANDY
Its nearly six o'clock. You'll be
late for your meeting.
DAVE
I-
Andy looks away from Dave.
CUT TO:

EXT. PARKING LOT. NIGHT.

Dave's car pulls into the car park. The lights are off in the
shop.
Dave gets out of his card and looks around. He sees a faint
hint of smoke.

EXT. BACK OF SUPERSTORE. NIGHT.

Andy sits alone on a piece of patio furniture. He is looking
into a roaring fire.
 11.

DAVE
Room for one more?
Dave takes a seat on another piece of furniture.

ANDY
Shouldn't you be at your meeting?
DAVE
I was, for about ten minutes.
ANDY
Turn you down, did he?
DAVE
Yes, actually.
Beat.
DAVE (CONT’D)
Because I told him where he can
shove his music shop.
Andy looks at Dave, confused.
ANDY
Why?
DAVE
I realised, Andy, that the reason I
enjoy helping run the largest
sports emporium in Norfolk is
because of my best mate, you. Sure,
I could run the biggest music
emporium in Norfolk but what would
it be without you?
ANDY
Well, you could've asked me to be
the mananger or summat?
DAVE
Just appreciate the gesture, here.
ANDY
I do, thank you.
DAVE
I could quite happily spend the
rest of my life working in this
shop with you.
Andy stands up from his chair.
 12.

ANDY
Since my wife left me, you've been
the only person keeping me sane and
I guess what I'm trying to say, is
thank you.
Andy begins to cry and Dave stands up, hugs him.
DAVE
Come on, now. Don't be silly.
Dave looks down into the fire that is burning.
The pair finish their embrace.
DAVE (CONT’D)
What have you managed to get
burning so well?
ANDY
The harp.
Silence.
ANDY (CONT’D)
You're not mad, are you?
Dave says nothing. The pair just sit and look into the fire.
CUT TO:

EXT. ROADSIDE. DAY.

The sign on the superstore has changed.
It now reads "Sports and music superstore emporium"

INT. SPORTS EMPORIUM SUPERSTORE. DAY.

Andy is jogging on the treadmill whilst playing an acoustic
guitar.
A group of people stand watching him.
ANDY
You see, our entire stock is
entirely diverse.
 13.

INT. BREAK ROOM. DAY.

Dave finishes making himself a cup of tea. He is smiling.
Dave leaves the break room.
On the 'employee of the month' wall, there is a photo of
Dave.