“DEAD STARS”

A Short Story

By Paz Marquez Benitez

OVERVIEW

It was my privilege to read your story; it was a wrap for me because the
story is infused with moral and intellectual approaches highlighting the
values and moral virtues. The title evokes something insofar as it drives
me to some illusions. My feedback is manifestly summarized in this
critique and closing this critique would be more on recommendations
and some sort of comments to the manuscript.

PLOT & STRUCTURE

It has all the composition of a historical love story. The story is separated
into three different stages. First is the development in the love life of
Alfredo as he met Julia Salas as they became closer to each other. Second
is the decision Alfredo needs to make that he has to choose between
Esperanza and Julia. Esperanza being his first love, whom he loved so
much in his youth and promise to marry her and Julia, which he knows
for a short time. Lastly is the conclusion to his love story, it is the choice
that he has to make.

From the beginning, you just describe the character being in the four
walls without directly introducing him; it should have been introduced
directly in the beginning rather than in the later part just to avoid
confusions, but nevertheless it was a wise start because the first event
was well described for the readers to become more absolutely relatable
[it’s about playing the mind of the readers].

CHARACTERS
Alfredo is known for being calm and being hesitative [to marry
Esperanza] it seems so vogue because these characteristics are opposing
to his profession, how can he be a lawyer if he is not being decisive
enough, if he does not have a fixed mind [come to think of it].

As a reader I want to know more about Alfredo because he acts strangely

in a mere situation sometimes. I want to know how the protagonist is
going to cope alone with all the things happened to him, and with all the
challenges that life throws him. As far as I have observed he never asked
for an advice or help to anyone which supposedly a Filipino should do,
this is just so customary to every Filipino.

Esperanza is known for being patient, positive and very patron in her
faith, but it seems like she has to be the one to adjust with their
relationship, you have to consider this, I found occasional comments
inserted in bubbles in the electronic manuscript that it should be Alfredo
and Julia. Know that Esperanza is the victim here she had to have a clear
protection in the story.

Julia

Julia
POINT OF VIEW
The Story was told in the third person point of view. You played as the
storyteller in the story and used a lot of unfamiliar words. You gave the
whole story a flowery attitude, on the other hand it shows a sad tone as
the story connotes things that are present but are still left unexpressed.

SETTINGS
The Story is set in 1900s. It was settled in Don Julian’s and Judge Del
Valle’s houses which are located in the Philippines. It prefigures the
prevailing views of the place at that time. It is very important that the set
should be really relevant to the Filipino culture, you forgot to mention at
least some Filipino designs that are vested in some houses [only brick-
tiled azotea].

I say that the society is male- dominated [what a social set up!]. Obviously
you are a female writer and placed in a male dominated age [maybe more
convenient], the story became a predecessor to the growth of Filipino
English literature. This depicts the society before which is patriarchal or
male-controlled, man has the upper hand the ultimate authority when it
comes to deciding the dominant idea.
VOICE/TONE
PACING/TIMING
Keep in mind that pacing and timing are important factors for the
readers. It’s good that you started the story in an easy pace by introducing
the characters and their situations, It’s attracting that you started in a
calm manner.

My anticipation of what will happen next is the main excitement of the

story but then the excitement went back to its slow pace when my
inclinations have met which is the cliché thing.

In the last part I was not effectively convinced because I was left by a
question of “what if”, it happened to give the love story a sad impression.
The story should have been rectified because I was left uncertain not
being satisfied all the questions over my head and not being told all the
answers and lets me figure out on my own.

IN CLOSING

Critique:
Dead Stars is basically a love story about a man named Alfredo Salazar
who incidentally meets a woman he fell in love with while engaged to his
fiancée.
Compared to other Filipino love stories, Dead Stars is the most unusual
because of its plot, having a complex main character, falling drastically in
love with another woman as he is engaged to his fiancée for four years.

Also, it illustrates Filipino culture where society greatly affects how we

make decisions. Alfredo could have pursued Julia when she left, but
instead, he married Esperanza because that is what the Filipino society
dictates.

Moreover, I think what makes Dead Stars appealing is that it contains

artistic symbols such as from the title itself, Dead Stars.

In the same way, Alfredo thought that he really loved Julia but when they
saw each other again, the love he thought was possible never was. Just
like a dead star, the love did not exist. It is the memories from the past.