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Mind Is A Palace
By Ali Rahman
Cambridge, MA
11/16/2019 - 11/17/2019
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Preface
Why do I write this book I honestly don't know but I know that I should. I hope that there are
concepts that can be pulled from this stream of consciousness that are useful to you. In part this
is a reflection of our times, a manual out of hell, an album of thoughts, and a self-indulgent
monologue. At this point, most of my ideas are embryonic but hopefully they serve as a primer
to the language that will mature over the next decade beginning 2020. I hope to revisit this text
in my later life and find an evolution worthy of mentioning like Wittgenstein did before me.

This week I diagnosed that I have OCD of the type of mental rituals basically what it means is
that I get stuck in loops of thought and it's difficult to get out of it this results in simple things like
taking showers for hours on end without realizing it or playing a song on repeat maybe a
hundred times and not getting tired of it some people have ADHD in the sense that they become
distracted easily for me the opposite is true I become fixated on things very easily and it's
difficult for me to turn my attention away. I'm taking therapy now and it's been very helpful to me
and I believe it'd be helpful to other people as well unfortunately therapy is a privilege of the
wealthy or educated and the poor man's therapist is alcohol and drugs and crime unfortunately
my goal in this book that I right before me is to provide a way out of hell to be a guiding light. A
manual that will show you how to get out of this Insanity that we live in this burning sensation
that life is like. Life is a great irony and sometimes it is a medicine too bitter to handle the words
are coming out of my mouth at a very quick pace and I don't have time to go back and edit it so
what I say here is true and what I believe and from the heart forgive me if i m insincere or rude I
don't have any time to self-edit what I write here is what I believe now is a 23 year old having
graduated college from Brown University as a math and philosophy major and without much life
experience to speak of but plenty of time ruminating and thinking and dealing with OCD there
have been many times where I've had panic attacks where I've had obsessions and fixations
and times where I felt I've gone insane it seems that I've drifted in and out of Sanity multiple
times and so I am quite Adept at coming back to sanity from the depths of hell and so that's why
I write this book to help you swim sanity like a dream and be able to navigate the waters even
when it seems life is difficult. I don't know how much longer I will live I could die any day now
and that's why I write this book because I could die I could go insane I can go to hell and I might
not ever return and so it is important that I write this today I write this now while my mind is able
and my body is able and I have the motivation to help you I cannot drag you out of hell but I can
show you the way that I got out I want to create a heaven-on-earth but at the very least even if I
fail I can show you a way out of hell, although I am not perfect. I am a man of God and I am
trying to find an honest path I do have an ego and one day I might hurt you but I hope that you
will find something in me that will allow you to forgive me.

Despotism Depth has swelled me up to the point that being genuine and real is difficult the
summary of the book can be written in a single sentence and that is that love is the answer to
God is the answer and it is very clear that there is no purpose to life but to live and that that this
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irony is the great nothing being able to pass and go in to be still and to allow life to come and go
as it pleases until all the pain to shift through you and watch over you and accept it and let go of
it and attach and to turn towards the pain and to turn towards others and Reveal Your
pathologies to your friends so that they may correct them is the point of this story even though
your reality seems questionable even though you don't know what you are and you don't know
why this feeling of persecution of paranoia of anxiety of panic of heaviness is within you there is
a way out and it will pass and there is a way to lift it God is the answer and it is as simple as that
he will straighten your path and you will be able to build a ship that will be able to withstand the
storm and withstand the flood and your house will be in order for you must slay your demons
and you must confront reality and do not turn away but rather accept the negative experience
for what it is and look it in the eye and behold it and laugh at it as a great Buddha of wood and B
enjoy and fill your cup from the inside not on the outside and control what you can and
surrender to what you cannot and submit to God's will because his will is there for us and he is
here and he is The Guiding Light and even if you do not understand him or you do not believe
rationally in a God there is a way to sort the cognitive dissonance and being intellectually
skeptical and emotionally internalizing the truth of God the wisdom of religion of the useful
fiction if you understand tribalism morality spirituality the intuition if you understand the
difference between cold logic and warm logic then you can be potentially saved then your reality
can be sharpened but trust in me and take the leap of faith and there is a way for you I promise
you if you do not take this leap there's a way but until you do you will not be able to take this
way do not be stubborn to not be arrogant be humble and there's hope for you yet I say this as
someone who was the opposite of what I say now as someone who was disrespectful who did
not submit who was arrogant who believe he knew everything there was no who was Lucifer
himself but I understood and I know how a trail feels and I know what it feels like to commit the
trail I know that this is what Dante meant in his Inferno reality is a theater of experience it is
manufactured by the mind and is also experience to the doors of perception filtered from the
external world we see in the world not what there is but what we are and so it's understand this
and to feel it and to accept it and to let it air out this is the way to be live life lightly to be amused
by it until laugh laughter is the therapy that we were born with it is the way to melt the glacier
around our hearts it penetrates into the pain and halves it divides it into pieces so that we can
once again reconstruct are fractured reality a fractured identity and then reassemble certainty
for ourselves we can survive and there is a way and there is a window and there is a light and
there was a boat and there is an ocean and there is land but you must be patient and you must
be willing and if you accept this there is hope for you yet and there's a light if you see it go
towards it if it does not appear wait for it and it will show but you must ask for forgiveness and if
you do then you will be forgiven but you must first ask for it and until you are ready to do so you
will be burdened with guilt and you'll be burdened and you will not know why but I tell you now
that it is because you have been arrogant and this is the way to accept your life and this is the
great irony of life.
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Chapter I - What is Hell (Insanity)?

What is hell hell is insanity is paranoia is guilt is anxiety is a constant state of panic that one
feels when they are touch hungry so touch hunger is when you are alone and no one loves you
and that's how you feel there are people who have survived touch hunger who have survived
being alone hermits for example people in solitary confinement however the mentally weak
cannot survive touch hunger they cannot survive being on their own their sanity disappears their
social conditioning unravels because they cannot keep their mind in check this is why
meditation is so important what is meditation meditation is an exercise of the subconscious it is
a ritual that one does in order to maintain their sanity it is a way to turn one's attention into a
crisp and precise box is to be able to make the Mind strong and sincere the mind is a tool that
inverts it twists and turns and it can twist on itself in a way that is unfoldable and so when you
are building your ship when you are building your morals and you are creating a sound sanity
for yourself a sound programming for your mind in order to drift in and out of sanity you must
have the foundations strongly built you cannot have morality made out of Tim crooked Timber
crooked wood because if your morality is week if the structure of your reality is not sound then
when you enter hell when your ship crosses the threshold when your ship crosses the river styx
you will not be able to return to Heaven you will not be able to return From Hell from Saturday
return to sanity because your reality is distorted and you will get stuck in the sunken place you
will be stuck drifting on Driftwood and if you can hold on to something you can hold on to the
Driftwood and maybe just maybe you'll be able to return to heaven maybe not even heaven but
maybe return to Earth but there is no guarantee because you need something you need
something to be able to hold on to 2 to return back to Earth and if you do not to grab onto
something then you will be drifting a floats for the rest of your life and that is the very Peril of hell
that is a very Peril of what we are about to embark on a journey into hell and when I take you
there when you come with me do not be afraid because I am with you and God is with you and I
will show you what it is like in there and when you realize that you will be okay and if there is a
way out you will not be afraid because there is a light and there is an exit and there is a way and
your ship is made out of Timber that is straight and true and as long as you allow yourself to the
wash the pain away as long as you allow yourself for the pain to wash away then there is a the
out for you but you must give yourself a chance you must allow someone who can show you the
way and in the same way that you are broken in the same way that you are debilitated more
than the other person more than the average person there is someone else who is put together
or who is stronger than the average person who will help you but you must allow yourself the
chance you must allow yourself to be able to be helped by this person and that requires the
work that requires being able to seek help and that is the first requirement of psychotherapy you
must be willing to change you must understand that you have a problem you must understand
that there is a way to exist that is different from what how you behave now if you understand this
then you can be helped and you can be redeemed and you can be saved and your morality can
be straightened and your past can be true but if you believe that you are incorrigible if you
believe that you cannot be helped that you are stuck in the ways you are then what you believe
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will become reality and you will not be saved because you will not allow yourself to be safe
because you would rather wallow in your he'll then be lifted out of it and I am sorry for you if that
is where you would like to remain because that is what you know and that is where you are
comfortable even though where you are comfortable is the greatest pain on Earth like I said I
cannot pull you out of hell I cannot drag you out of it no one can save you no one will pull you
out themselves because if you try to save a drowning person and they try to pull you down then
you will drown as well but if you would like to live if you would like to survive if you would like to
swim then I can help you then I can show you the path that I took and maybe it will not work for
you but it will give you some type of springboard some type of way some type of map out of this
hell that you are in that we are all in we are all on fire but there is something that keeps us alive
and that is a God and he is with us and this is not a doctrination this is not a hypnotization this is
not a religious Doctrine this is the path and if you allow yourself to accept it then you are halfway
there the philosophy in this book can be summarized in one word and that is love if you find love
if you allow it into yourself if you allow the people your friends and your family and God to show
you the path and you will become saying again I promise you and I understand why you would
be skeptical about this and I understand that if you are rational and someone who lives in the
cold logic world and someone who is cold and completely calculated and arrogant than this is
not a path that will work for you and that is why you will live in the in the shallow depths of hell
you will live in pain and since our oh and you will not understand why and I pity this feeling and I
understand it and I do not feel righteous or above you because of it because to assume that I
am correct when you are wrong is immoral of me what I understand is that your way of viewing
life is how you are grown up to view this life and so all that I can ask of you is to trust me and if
you trust me then I can show you this way out of hell at least the way that I took but it will
require some type of Faith some type of leap of faith and that is one of the Great challenges of
life you must trust people but if you can do that then you will survive as Jesus says the cup fill is
over and the poor man he will become poor and the rich man will become richer and this is
because those who can help us we would like to help and those who would take us down we
would like to avoid and so no matter where you are in life even if you have nothing you must be
able to have some type of faith in yourself some type of unconditional love and some type of
ability to give because if you can give then others will give to you and you will become more
than you are but if you cannot give and all you can do is take then you become a black hole and
avoid people would you and And you will be more stuck in the hell that you are in and you will
go into the depths in the spiral of sadness that you will not understand why and I will know why
but i will not feel pity.
But if you are full if you have something within you that you can give if you can be happy despite
all the sadness around you then people will want to help you and then you will be lifted up in a
spiral upwards rather than downwards the thing is to those who have much more will be given
into those who have less more will be taken because when you cannot control where you are
when you lack self-discipline and you have no tolerance for others and you only take from
others so you could feel yourself that is when people take from you because they feel that you
are nothing to them and you feel impersonal but when you are personal to someone when you
give them a smile even when you have nothing within you when you have nothing to give them
you give them some hope you give them some validation and that is why people will come to
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you that is what karma is karma is not a force that is within the universe it is not something that
is spiritual or fake because in this world we live in a cold and warm world where are Logics are
intertwined we cannot hope to understand the world one dimension or the other because we are
not rational beings but we do have rationality we do have this faculty but it is a servant to
emotion reason is a servant to emotion it is not the master and so karma is not a fact of life but it
is a force is a force we feel and it is a pool and the the truth is that no lie goes uncovered no
Distortion in reality is ever paid for for free there is no such thing as a free lunch every lie you
say does come back to haunt you every sin you commit does come back to hurt you make no
mistake nothing in this life is for free and psychology is in a sense Psychotherapy is in a sense
the act of righting the wrongs the dishonesty that you have towards yourself because the lies
that you've told yourself warp the structure of your reality and they create chinks in your armor
and they become things that haunt you and that is part of the paranoia of your hell that is the
constant state of panic that you feel living this life without any type of reassurance that is why
your heart beats faster and cannot slow down that is why you feel that no matter where you are
somebody is watching you because someone is watching you and that is God and someone is
watching you that is your subconscious it is observing every action that you taken it is recording
everything that you do and it is comparing it to your history to your past actions everything that
you've done to everything that you believe you are and it is deciding what you are at is judging
who you will become it decides where your self-esteem and that is why nothing you do is ever
forgiven by its own merits nothing you do is ever not seen someone knows someone
understands and maybe it is you only maybe it is God only but whatever you do understand that
it affects the type of person you are even if initially no one sees what you do some say that the
judge of a person's character is not what you do in front of everybody but will you do when
nobody is looking and that is exactly what this point is do what you are do what you believe you
want to become and you will become it and do not act in a way that goes against the type of
person you want to become because every how you do bills on a wall and everything that you
do that goes against what you want to become destroyed this wall it creates a crack in it and
every lie that you tell yourself or that you tell someone else distorts what you actually believe is
true so do not say it do not go in that direction turn away and be honest and forthright and your
sanity will reappear and you will feel cleansed and happy that you are alive in this world and life
becomes much more simpler when you do not have to keep track of all the lies and threads that
you've been spinning and I were to make your life in some way better Because maybe the LIE is
something that improves your life and maybe the LIE is what keeps you going and sometimes
the LIE is more real than the truth but understand the price you pay when you do it and I'm
going to the action knowing the consequence only then doesn't make sense only then can you
move forward without a Target on your back
Some psychologists say that therapy is the act of correcting the lies we've told ourselves and
fixing the dishonesty we have with ourselves eventually I will speak about how God is our
relationship with ourselves but that is for another discussion what is clear is that the LIE the lies
that we tell ourselves or what the stores are reality and what causes us grief and pain and
sorrow even though it provides temporary relief to the pain that we feel while we are alive and
well we are confronted with something we are not yet ready to deal with why is it that we aren't
ready to deal with this pain I just because we are impatient and because we see one
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low-hanging fruit one solution in order to relieve this pain and that is to lie and this guy is in
order to avoid social humiliation and humiliation and shame are things we choose to avoid
because the discomfort is not something that is enjoyable to have but I tell you now that this
discomfort is exactly what you need in order to grow everybody experiences growing pains and
these growing pains are signs that you are changing and are signs that something is happening
there is a pain process to any learning. And unless they're paying process occurs then there is
no growth to begin wealth must occur with change and change means the death of a part of you
and so there has to be some type of pain in order to pay the price for growth and so much of evil
is out of greed it is out of the greed of wanting to grow without paying the price without
acknowledging that there is something that you must do something that you must sacrifice in
order to become the next level success must be earned and it cannot be given and yet some
people leech off of the success and energy of others in order to be validated but this does not
work because in the end it is Naples their weakness and so it only exaggerate the distortions in
their reality and prevents them from achieving their true goals and so they fall deeper into the
sunken place and why on wonder why they feel unfulfilled it is because on the surface they have
achieved their goals but the closer they could become to what their ego imagines that they
should be the more they starve their actual selves this is why the strategy does not work in the
long-term and although it provides temporary relief to the pain it is a relief to the symptom not
the disease and this is why I do not advise this path at all instead learn to find deeper within
yourself a sustainable path and you will see that there is a way to achieve your dreams however
it will come at a cost that is so significant that you will wonder if it is worth it and this is exactly
what you should considered because if it is something within the very limits of your grass if it is
something that you must consider beautifully and that is when you know that this is your North
Star that is when you know that this is something that you must move towards Because unless it
is challenging unless it is difficult it is not worth your energy or time but if it is difficult then it is
something fulfilling because it means that you will stretch further than you are in order to
achieve it and that's means that the dream will fill the expanse and you'll become bigger than
what you were when you started
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Chapter II - Language for Inner Experience (Reality

Is a Dream)
So now we know what hell is hell in short is insanity now what is sanity sanity is being in touch
with reality and what is reality reality is a dream now that is import true import false reality is
both manufactured by the mind and also filtered an experience from outside through the doors
of perception there is an external World in an internal world the internal world is the subjective
experience that are mine manufacturers Jung believed that we are all hallucinating and that it is
reality then when we are awake that those hallucinations become muted and when we are
asleep or hallucinations or our dreams are Amplified and take over our experience but when we
are awake they're still there just muffled in muted and that's in part true the other fact is that
there is a world outside of us we are animals born into an earth to reality into a land where
there's oxygen and water and elements and things outside of us things that will exist even if we
are not there to experience that that is the objective world and how do we know that there is an
objective world what we know this because we can compare our own internal world and in our
own internal world we find other things that we have in common and if it is not a coincidence
that our internal world includes elements that everybody's internal World also includes then we
know that there must be something that we are all experienced experiencing and that is the
objective world and that is the concern of science and that is why science is born out of
philosophy because philosophy studies this inner world the subjective experience the goal of
philosophy is to carve pieces of subjective experience into words and to understand that the
inner experience the subjective experience of the world is a dream that is Shamanism that is
what Young understood there is a dream there is a drama that we enact and there is also a
word there is language that we speak and so there are three levels to reality there is the
conscious word the things that we are aware of until we can speak of their is the drama that we
are not that is the world that we live in and the non-verbal that we understand subconsciously
but cannot explain and then there is the dream the experience of reality that we live in we are
unconscious of but it is there nonetheless and it is within our dreams when we sleep and is what
is we experience of life and so this tears these three tiers of life we can say or of experience can
also be understood in another Paradigm and that is the conscious the subconscious and the
unconscious we have language to describe these experiences these feelings these kind of
modes of reality but they're vague and they aren't precise and it is the goal of philosophy to be
precise about these things and so part of this book is to provide a vocabulary for subjective
experience in particular the experience of the inner World in terms of mental health in terms of
the experiences and glitches of the mental world that we do not yet know how to speak of that is
to say mental health is not something we have a great understanding of it is still very much
vagin shrouded in mystery and ambiguous there is a taboo surrounding mental health because
there is uncertainty around it is still a great area how much of it is nurture how much of it is
nature why does someone act antisocial should we associate with these people does that affect
our tribe the Triumph of today's society is that we can talk about such things because what it
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means is that we have such a surplus of social value of empathy for other people that we can
start to concern ourselves with mental health that we can start to provide for people and support
people who have problems that we do not yet even know how to resolve and part of what I
intend to do with this book is to introduce more language for these people of which I am
included I belong to these people who are a neurotypical I have OCD I have a problem with my
mind with the way that my mind focuses with the way that my serotonin system interacts with my
brain my neurochemistry is not typical and the problem is that everybody has some type of
chink in their system some type of glitch as the mind is very complex and there is no way that it
will be completely perfect and always 100% of the time however I have a problem with mice
mind that is significant enough that it is categorized as a disorder and so I have a problem that
most people do not have so what do we say is a mental illness I would say that a mental illness
is having a glitch in your neurochemistry to the point that it results in changes to your behavior
that are difficult to condition away that is to say you behave in a way that is difficult to correct
through normal socialization and therefore requires therapy or medication in order to resolve
now that is a verbose definition of a mental disorder but the more I understand that the simpler
the definition can become I am no expert in mental health I am not a psychologist a therapist or
counselor but I am a philosopher and I do think about psychology and I am a student of young
Nicha Freud Dostoevsky and Young and the great philosophers and psychologists of our time
and I can say that I am among one of those who does understand the Mind better than other
people as I have lived in hell and I have seen heaven and I have seen Nirvana and I and today I
choose to show it to you and if you believe me and if you trust me then I can then you can see it
too but at the risk of sounding crazy I believe I believe in myself and I want you to believe in me
to because I think it will help you if you do so
But this is a tangent point is that reality is a dream and that it is in part manufactured by the
unconscious programming of our mind what is this unconscious programming it is within us it is
in our Instinct it is the hallucinations that we experience when we are asleep it is the archetypes
when you go deep down enough young was able to document these archetypes as he was able
to see an images however he went so deep within the mind that I do not know if he was able to
return back to sanity because if you go too far down the rabbit hole eventually you go so far that
you cannot return and that is why speaking of such thing speaking of this dream is a taboo and I
caution going too far into hell's Gates so allow me to speak about it carefully as I have been
there and I have gone down Into the Depths and I know how to return because I have gone in a
little further and have taken a step back but I have not gone so far that I could not return and so
what you want is a guide you want to Shaman who has charted these lands before as I have
done and I can return do not go too far into the depths because you might step into a trap that is
difficult to return from however there is always a way to return there is always a way back
however it is amazed and it is difficult to return and sometimes it can take years and sometimes
you might never find a path back and that is why I caution you do not go too deep too fast too
soon because it is dangerous luckily God's path has been charted out before us it is taken
thousands of years of collective wisdom written down layers of thought and conditioning and
culture society that have been crystallized into forms these are religions religions religion is an
infinite depth of wisdom solidified into a code of ethics and behavior it is a pattern of behavior
that works a recent poem that was quoted in Kanye's new album Jesus is King describes this
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quite beautifully in this poem he mentions that that there is a snow there's a snow land and
there is a father and his kids and his kids are afraid to step into the snow as I've never seen
snow before and so the father says to his children observe my footsteps and see how I walk in
the snow and following the steps that I have laid before you and he said this in a whole way
better than I could speak as I am not phrasing or quoting this 100% correctly but the concept is
that the way is known as the pattern is revealed it has been repeated enough so much so that it
is noticed an observed and recorded and the pattern is the right way is a righteous path is the
way to exist and behave that is correct and saves people this is the path of Jesus and Jesus is a
man and it is also a God and what is a god a god isn't ideal and God is a revelation of the
archetypes but I will speak of this in the next chapter what are the archetypes the archetypes
are the limitsare unconscious programming the archetype are representations of the figures of
our minds these are the patterns in which every story every figure every dream every life in the
warm logic that we experience that speaks to us embodies the archetypes are images that do
not go away because they reflect the way that are mine has been programmed you will know
when you are reading an archetypical story when it has infinite that when it can be understood
and read over and over again and there's something new to discover from it this is possible in
the story Cain and Abel in the Bible this is an archetypical story as the characters within the
story are representative of life in generalbut do not dwell on the archetypes too long there are
there whether you are aware of them or not but understand that there is a language of your
dreams there are words that are there their images that are present and everybody and
everybody has this unconscious programming was in that that is all you you must know about
the archetypes that will allow you to understand the psychology I'm about to discourse about
that I'm about to debate and discuss and reveal to you and speak to you about we are lucky in
this time that we have giant so we can stand on the shoulders of we have Freud who discovered
the basement of the mind and young who was able to go deep deep deep into the mind and
understand where it ended the Bedrock of the month which is the archetypes there is nothing
that goes beyond the archetypes that is where the most Primal and primitive instincts and
images of the Mind exist and that is from where the Mind manufacturers are hallucinations to be
insane is to be stuck in this dream land to be in this hell is to experience this Dreamland in the
nightmare form that I can entertain and not be able to return but there is a way out if you allow
yourself to be taken out if you allow yourself to return but it is a maze like I said and you must be
able to navigate it and this book is a map of that maze ideally it will allow you to return so if you
are insane if you are in hell if you are paranoid then maybe I can help you maybe this map will
save you but there are limits and there's only so much that the mind can do by reading
sometimes it is beyond the single man's help so take this with a grain of salt.
With that said you understand the reality is a theater of experience it is a drama that we all an
act it is a story that we tell ourselves it is Santa Claus the drama that we keep alive it is Magic it
is the feeling that we get from having others believe what is not true but allowing them to choose
to believe in it because it makes them feel like there is hope inspiration is what makes life worth
living because there is Beauty in this world and there are things that we are able to behold and
there is a language for our subjective experience and there ways we can pass around the
information of the world that we see but our words only point to reality they do not actually
Define reality instead they are signposts and that is the same thing with poetry poetry must be
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penetrated it does not meant to be read literally it is symbolic and symbols have depth and you
must be able to unpeel these layers of death in order to master their lesson in order to
appreciate their fruit in order to taste their flavor you must be able to penetrate these layers
before they're able to be received unless you are able to understand them unless you were able
to ask the question you are not able to receive information in many ways My Philosophy can
only be understood by people who all know it already and two people who the philosophy
makes sense as soon as they read it it is immediately understood by them because they were
halfway there to seeing its already but for those who are unaware of the philosophical
investigations for those who have not climb within Steins louder who are aware of the higher
Concepts and aware of the way in which we climb up the concepts that are more sophisticated
than what we were aware of before and who are able to use those Concepts that they had at a
disposable at their disposal at the time that they learned the new Concepts this is for you you
must first Master the concepts that you have so you can use them to grip onto the concepts that
are above them and once you can grip those above Concepts you can pull yourself up the
ladder and use your own awareness to become higher than what you were and you will stretch
further than you were and the dream of Phil the expanse and they're from there there is
something that then there is nothing from nothing there is something and this is the dream and
the dream is love and love has infinite death and infinite abundance and that abundance is God
God is the relationship that we have with ourselves this is something that I will speak about
when I discuss God
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Chapter III - What is God (The Unconscious)?

So we now know that reality is a dream that it is in part manufactured by the archetypes and in
another part a theater that we experience from the external World filters are the doors of
perception and we know that God's path allows us to wander the stream in the correct way or at
least in a way that is safe but what is a God and how was this path made well it may sound
Blasphemous for me to say this but the Bible is not a literal text this it is a symbolic text it is a
psychological text it is a guide to live it does not ask what is right and what is wrong it is not a
morality it is not a cold logic it is not analytical it says it's States how one should live because it
is a record of how people have lived and they've lived a life that works according to the way that
we experienced it and according to the dream we feel and live in that being said is God real God
is not real and in a sense he is more real did anything as we understand what reality is it is
exactly fragile it is manufactured by the mind it is a theater so reality and itself is very mutable
so when we ask is God real we should first ask what is does it mean for something to be real
because anything that is real is not as tangible as we think it is is not as certent it feels like when
I talk about a rock a rock is real you can feel it in your head and you can say this is real and you
can say it with certainty cuz you can feel this rock you can give it to someone else you can point
to it you can look at it you can observe it floats in the water and you can say that I have a rock
and it is real and in a sense you are right because everybody can see it and everybody can
agree about it and so it is a part of our external world it is part of our objective world it is
common between our inner worlds in this sense God is not real God cannot be pointed to he
cannot be agreed about by everybody's internal world but he is in a sense he is above real he is
a fiction that is more real than the truth like I mentioned before sometimes the LIE is more real
than the truth what does that mean it means that the fiction tells us more about how to live then
the truth has if we say that life has no meaning that there is no purpose intrinsic to living then
what does that leave us to do how does that make us feel how should we move from there there
is no way that move from there because that is completely cold in rational and as we should
understand rationality is a servant to emotion is a servant to our lives it is not the master and so
when we ask this question from a cold perspective from a perspective of rationality we are
asking from a limited mindset when we say what is real when we ask is God real where I from a
servant mentality rather than a master mentality what we should rather ask is what does
believing in God do for our lives and I can tell you from this perspective gods perspective in his
path makes us live a better life makes us feel better act better leave he'll straighten or pads and
pools the Panic feeling that hell is paused the paranoia that we feel in our lives away from us
and puts strength in our spines and allows us to stand straight and allows us to act with
confidence and certainty and with purpose even when we stand in the garden of Chaos God's
path is a path that's been charted down that's been passed down through generations of
Storytelling through shamans through tribes through history through a collection of wars and
history and story and mythologies Christianity is the closest thing that we have to the universal
truth Christianity is a flavor of the pattern of behaviors that we observe to be correct incorrect
not in a cold sense but in a warm sentence correct in the sense that this is what allows us to win
 13

the game of Life the game that Piaget speaks of when we say that to win life is to be invited to
play the other games to win life is to be socialized to the point that other people want to
socialize with you in a way this is to say that the point of life is to achieve the peak of the social
hierarchy and this is it an inappropriate way to look at this life because it comes from a minimum
mindset yet again because to assume that there is an agenda to living a proper life means that
there is something that you lack in the beginning and like we said that if you try to attain things
by taking then you will instead be taken from rather do not put the cart before the horse or the
horse before the cart instead understand that when you play this game in God's way when you
walk his path then you will understand his gifts and his gifts will be that you will achieve these
Heights all I say this only to mean that where does God's Story come from where does his path
come from it comes from the people who are ideal the people who are at the winners of the
game people who are the ideals who are the archetypes Who present the archetypes represent
the correct way to behave that is what we mean by winners of the game that is what we mean
by the ideals God is our relationship with ourselves God is the unconscious God is the ability to
change our Behavior God is our ability to see the future and plan for the future and to
understand that there is time and if there is delayed gratification God is God is ability to
transcend God is what allows us to endure the suffering God is a rationalization for the pain God
is the patriarch the father that we wish we God is both the father and the mother goddess
culture and nature God is the beginning and the end God is what we don't understand God is
what we put our faith in when we do not have the strength to go on God is who we believe in
when there is nothing else to understand we need God because God allows us to have
something to hold on to some type of way to drift out of hell and whether or not he is real or
whether he is a story that is the wrong question because the right question is how does he
make us feel how does he change our lives understanding that our life would be better believing
in him as if he did exist is the right way to understand him and I can tell you now in a cold way
that God is not real he's a story and what does that do for you maybe it validates your ego
Maybe Maybe it makes you think that you are above the plebeians who must believe in him but
that does not make you strong that does not make you great and in fact being arrogant makes
you less than those people who believe in God knowing the truth does not say you free in this
case because what happens is that you become arrogant and people do not invite you into their
games anymore and then you are lost and then when the storm comes and there is no God to
support you then you will crumble and maybe you feel free for a moment because you are not
under his will you did not have to submit to his strength and you are not a servant of him you
feel some type of Freedom some type of ownership of yourself you feel like you are an
ubermensch who is decided to become who he wants to be but you did not understand that your
judgment is of one lifetime where is God Is of a thousand lifetimes and so you stand up against
an army of people of Life of wisdom in and story and you cannot possibly no matter how
intelligent you are measure up to anything of God's understanding and will no matter how much
you try you cannot surpass Amy you do simply have not lived enough lifetimes to do it
And you can take that in a literal sense because God's story is a blend of the stories and myths
of the tribes that existed before us for the pagans to the Egyptians to the Native Americans to
everybody and everybody calls in everybody's culture that existed before us to all the gods that
we worship and the mythologies and stories that we've idolized in the sacrifices that we've made
 14

and the Mayans that existed before us and civilizations that created their own cultures in a literal
sense and in history they did have their own Gods and they did have their own mythologies and
God is no different than those civilizations who were worshipping totem poles is no different in a
literal sense however he is smarter than you in a literal sense because he is the collective
wisdom of a thousand people of generations passed down over and over again the Bible is a
very old story and it does not last this long unless there is something that is worth remembering
and somehow the Bible story has remained in the civilizations psyche for thousands of years
and that means that there is something we've been our psychology that dme's that it is worth
remembering and that worth is beyond our comprehension that worth exist within the dream that
we do not even have the language to speak of it is points beyond what the language can even
say language merely points to the truth but it does not it is not the truth it is merely a sign that
points towards it points in the direction of it but just like poetry which must be penetrated and
understood and viewed through the layers God is not a literal text is a psychological text with
layers of meaning and understanding it is symbolic text and so it is not meant to be taken
literally in a cold way it is meant to be embodied and understood and followed because the path
is righteous and it is known and it has shown how to be correct and in our lifetimes we are lucky
that we are gifted with this wisdom already because it is impossible to collect this path on our
own but luckily we stand on the shoulders of giants and we have available to us a path already
made out and charted for us and just and if you take this path and your then your aim will be
true and you will be invited to the games and you will be part of the ideals but it requires a leap
of faith like I mentioned before and that is one of the challenges of life and that is not something
I can convince you of because it is something that you must decide to take on your own like I
said I cannot pull you out of hell I cannot drag you out and similarly I cannot ask you to take a
leap of faith I cannot convince you to do that that is something that you must be ready to do for
yourself but I will say that if you are ready for it and if you if you do want to do it then when you
do take it you will find your way out and you will find a pastor success and victory and love and
receive God's gifts and there are many gifts if you've simply reach out your hand God will take it
and he will show you the way but you must be willing to take it and I do not say this in order to
convert you to a religion in order to make you believe in a God but I do say this so that you act
as if he exists even though intellectually I personally do not believe he does emotionally
believing he does allows me to live a more honest life and allows me to walk in a straight path in
an honest way and be a good man before I am great we have a nature to contend with and
God's will allows us to do so in the correct way if we try to discover our own religion if we try to
create our own Gods and we try to create our own culture then it will be so shallow and so
deathless that anything that you create will be as insignificant as a child's drawing on the
refrigerator although it is something amusing to entertain it is not something to take seriously
 15

Chapter IV - Who are our Heroes (Ideals of the

tribe)?
So now we understand the myth of God and how he was created out of the fragments of the
pathologies That civilization accumulated over time God as we know him today is the mix of
worrying ideologies combined together to create a hierarchy of ideals and the ideals we have
now are the ones that one civilization the ones that created infrastructure and the ones that
governed the rules and the nations in the borders of our current world order inshort the religion
that one is the one that is the most wealthy that has the most stable economy the one that has
the wealthiest people and the healthiest people that is a religion that creates it went in society
but as we all know religion involves and the ideals change as they are tested over time and the
hierarchy of ideals climbs higher and higher with that said how are those ideals created and how
are those ideals tested that occurs in our heroes who are our heroes are heroes are the ones
who Inspire us to become greater our heroes are the ones that we choose to elevate and
Society celebrity as one might call it but really what it means is our heroes are the
representations or the presentations of the archetypes in our society they are people who are
avatars that we choose to live vicariously through their people we give our power to so they can
use it on behalf of us they are our voice they are representations of ourselves of our inner code
of our programming from within our heroes are the artists and the athletes and the actors and
the representations of ourselves as we are all permutations of the same personalities distributed
throughout culture for every person I know I will encounter someone who is an exaggerated
version of this person or someone who is this person the next step over and in many ways they
will be alike in many ways they will come from a similar background look a similar way be a
similar race be assembling a religion or remind me of themselves in some way they have some
type of semblance but for some reason or the other they are the next step ahead and that's
because personalities are really just permutations of the same code the people that we are
today are really the descendants of the people who succeeded in life before we a stand on the
shoulders of giants and so although it seems that we are all extremely different and varied really
we are all the same much more than we are different and really we're splitting hairs one might
say that Indian people are different than Chinese people for example and is very easy to tell the
difference and maybe it is maybe it is visually different than it is easy to the between the two but
then when you think about Indian people Indian people can mean a vast of variety of people the
Indian subcontinent is a subcontinent after all and one might think that most Indian can get
along as they look similar but amongst Indians there's a cased system and so there is a whole
different set of classes and so Indians amongst themselves do not think of themselves as
similar even though on the outside they seem similar what this means or what the reason I bring
this up as race is a teste subject and not something I would prefer to speak about given the
climate of a 2019 though I have some grounds to speak of it as my ancestors would have come
from India so to speak all this goes to say is that our differences can be broken down to an
infinite dab and so although we think we are individuals and so vastly different from other people
 16

at the macro-level we are almost the exact same people to a T and it is only at the 1% that we
are at all different and that 1% is so insignificant that it could be considered negligible at the
grander scheme of things however at the local level it feels as though we are individuals
completely different from each other but in the end potentially that is all that matters because
how should a society move forward how should a society treat people should we act collectively
should we enact rules amongst roofs or should we act them amongst people individuals and of
course the answer is through individuals we should allow individuals to be Geniuses and to be
poor people why because change can only happen at the individual level we can split hairs
infinitely as I had mentioned before we can divide identities as many times as we want to and
there is no clear way to decide which identities should become the prevalent ones which ones
are the ones that are important our groups can be divided into subgroups and so on and so on
what it comes down to though is that there are natural tribes that arise the tribes are was our
evolutionary programming this designed us to survive in society the urban environment is in a
natural one at least not one that's our evolutionary programming was designed to thrive in
nonetheless it is something that is caused us to evolve socially quite quickly and we have
famous people we have athletes and we have artists who reside Within These concentrations of
people these tribes and super tribes and tribes of tribes that have devolved from these
developments called cities and these tribes of tribes have ideals and they have gods and these
gods are our local superheroes they are our celebrities they are a representations of the tribe
and so an elevated sense of Fame really just means that you embody the ideals of multiple
tribes to the point that you embody the ideals of a large group of people That is what famous
Fame is being the embodiment of the society's ideals being a presentation of the cultures
personality how does one achieve fame by introducing a novelty into society in a way that can
be distributed Fame innocence is becoming a meme I mean in the sense that it can be shared
and mutated we are essentially the amalgamation of the personalities of celebrities in one sense
we create our ID Idols we create our celebrities and in another sense we are created by then
some say that life imitates art that art imitates life what does that mean art imitates life is fairly
easy to imagine the artist lives in a world and sees it observes it absorbs it and recreated in his
art that is the natural and intuitive way to view the phenomenon but the other hand is to observe
that life imitates art and what does that mean it means that life as we experience it is what we
are taught to experience do the artist and this is very true the artist allows us to experience
Beauty about what we experience about what we feel will we see we see what we are taught to
see and the artist allows us to see this the artist the artist job is to review of the unconscious to
reveal the programming within us all to shine a light on the dream and to give us a experience of
life and that is why a philosopher is an artist because he reveals the dream to us philosophy is
an art in this sense in an artist must demonstrate the unconscious without having his personality
abstract the art when we create art we are imitating God we are creating nothing from
something we are observing God as God is infinite depth within us God is our unconscious
programming God is the dream within us and so when we create ours we are discovering
ourselves in many ways creating art feels like we're channeling God and it is his completely true
that is because God is what allows us to create nothing from something God is what the
exploratory Consciousness is God is consciousness is our awareness of ourselves and when
we create art we grasp at the fragments of our selves that we have learn to observe into
 17

experience and we present it externally from our internal world we grasps we grasp at the codes
of our behavior of our software Within In the end the art stores the unconscious it reveals our
programming from within the theater of our minds and the theater of our consciousness the goal
of art again is to behold is to experience beauty is to see life is to have life imitate art and that is
why art artists are the ideals in our culture they reveal culture they create culture they show us
what is true what the correct path is they represent us they are our avatars they explain to us
what we feel they put into words what we feel but cannot explain they provide a language to the
subjective experience individual format and a verbal format the tools that we use to
communicate but athletes also do this athletes are the champion of our people athletes give us
confidence they allow us to live vicariously through them they show us what will can achieve
they Inspire us based off of their work and their preparation and their pressure and how they
handle the situation athletes become are champions of the people because we can believe in
them and because they demonstrate their Pro s and they lift a heavy load and they show what is
possible at any level what we are capable of if we set ourselves to it if we prepare and train and
practice they show what the highest level is possible and they push the boundaries they Inspire
Generations there are faces that a man must undergo archetypes are understood as the lover
the magician the warrior and the king and we can speak in these mythological terms these
archetypical terms about men and women because our psychology the way that we think the
Dynamics that we are programmed to understand the world and to navigate the subjective
experience is through the dynamic of masculine and feminine our Consciousness is a gift and it
is something that we are not supposed to experience it is a tool that we've learned to guide
through civilization through repression through transmutation their techniques that we've learned
in order to reframe our Consciousness into more positive methods and that is what social
conditioning and culture has allowed us to achieve we have higher Pleasures higher morals and
rules that allows us to be separate from animals but make no mistake that this enculturation in
the social conditioning cannot unwind this is what Insanity really is this is what becoming feral
really means when are social conditioning on whines when our grasp on reality is removed then
we exist in hell and it is difficult to heal our wounds again but there is a way and I will show you
this way but first I must speak about the ego and how it affects us
 18

Chapter V - The Ego & the Tight-rope Act of Life

So we've spoken about our ideals and our tribes of society and how are Avatar tires rise among
us and we live through them too live our lives vicariously and we give famed people so that way
they can represent us in a way better than we can ourselves but who are we who is the
individual what is the ego the ego is an emergent technique that are evolutionary programming
created or resulted and us having self-awareness the ego a rose when we discovered that there
is a future and that we can plan and that the person that is in the reflection is ourselves and that
the same person who eats now can save his dinner for tomorrow so he can also eat tomorrow
the eagle emerge when we realized that there is time and there's delayed gratification and that
we can plan ahead the eagle emerged when we have a prefrontal cortex and we had reason
and logic that came out of awareness and self consciousness it what it came out of the
realization that we are separate from other people and that there is a concept of a self that our
body is our own that there is ownership and property and things that we can possess and things
that we can save up and store and goals that we can have and dreams and aspirations and
hierarchies that we can climb ladders or we can climb plans we can make for ourselves pain
that we feel and can inflict on others the ego is an idea that arises once we come to this
realization that there's a self that we become aware of ourselves that we become self-conscious
the ego is a survival tool in order for us to realize that we aren't a community that we are
individuals that live in a community and that we have our own needs that we must provide
ourselves for and that we are not our parents and that our parents will not provide for us all of
our Lives nor are they an extension of our will or we an extension of theirs the ego is nothing
more than the I thought once one realizes that there is something called an eye once one
realizes that I do this I want this I am this I feel this it is the separation creating the boundary
between the external world in the internal World however this evolutionary mechanism this
routine in our structure of reality is a tool and it should be understood that way the problem
occurs once we believe that this tool is all-encompassing and it is the only tool when in fact
there are others the ego is a mental routine that allows us to transcend our primitive behaviors
that allows us toand a head for the future but in the same way that it becomes useful it also
holds us back at times once we realize that there are other ways to experience life there are
Higher Goals besides ourselves and this occurs in the Maslow's hierarchy of needs once you've
climbed up the hierarchy of needs sufficiently enough once you have your ego satisfied and
your life as an individual put together and you have a surplus of resource and a surplus of
strength that is when self-satisfaction can only arise out of the support for others because there
is nothing that giving yourself will add to your experience and joy of life at that point giving joy to
other people is the only way to amplify your own experience of yourself and this is the height of
Maslow's hierarchy of needs it is coming to a point in which giving Joy is the only way you can
experience more joy for yourself because you have such an abundance that you have given
yourself already again this is the idea that the cup fill is over it is the idea that you have filled
your cup so full that now it overflows and it overflows onto other people filling their cup as well
and because their cups fill with your joy your cup again feels again with the joy that they
 19

returned to you and a virtuous cycle exist from there on the same reasoning occurs in Reverse
when you become a empty vessel and empty cup and a cup that can only drain and you
become a drain and any joy that people place into your cup is Spilled Out is sucked in is
removed is taken away and nothing is returned and in fact the joy that is taken is not even Joy
at all it is not even experiences Joy it is merely entered into the void end absorb without
appreciation joy that is taken is not Joy at all in fact it is simply a relief from pain but the problem
is that the pain will never go away if all you seek is an external relief from it rather in order to
remove the pain you must allow the pain to watch over you and you must allow it to cure all over
and you have to feel the pain and until then any relief is only temporary but this is something I
will speak of in the way out in chapter 9 what matters here however is that the ego is the reason
that we hurts others and that we experience hurt in ourselves the ego is a double-edged sword
the eagle allows us to survive but it also holds us back in the same way we experience fear
irrationally the ego causes us tohold on to what we have even if it hold us back just like the
monkey placing his hand in the jar in order to pull out the banana but he cannot pull out his
hand while his hand is clenched and only it is only by letting go of the banana that he can take
out his head and so because he refuses to take out his hand out of the jar he is not able to have
the banana in the first place the same occurs with the ego what brought you up to this level is
not what will take you to the next level because if it did you would be at the next level already
the ego is nothing more than a tool and it should be understood in this way the ego can be used
to drive you just says pain can be used to drive you but it is only one motivation there are other
motivations that are stronger for example love love is another motivation the community is
another motivation and being one way or the other tilted one way or the other motivated by love
too much will be too radical being motivated by the ego too much will also be 2 radical as they
are both two sides of the same coin and when you are lopsided then you will fall over but if you
are balanced then you will be able to walk the tightrope of life with Grace the yin-yang the
masculine and feminine of ambitious and the humble these are virtues and vices and balances
and ways to experience life and to live life that you must Master you must Master both ends of
the spectrum you must be temperate and you must be balanced because there is truth on both
sides and if you blind yourself to either then you will fall end you will fall off on one side and go
blind in both ways by the way how do you remain balance you allow your friends 2 support you
you allow your friends to change you and you allow them to be your mirror for you and
understand who you are and the change you do not be too stubborn but again do not be too
spineless you must maintain the balance so that there is something within you that is alive but
there is also something within you that can change the Transcendent and the nature within you
so how do you maintain this balance what does this balance mean in means in the words of the
Buddha to be passionate about what you do but be free of the outcome allow your ego to be
detached from the outcome of your passion but your passion is your nature and your nature is
driven by your ego but do notego to be determined by the outcome do not allow your ego to be
fed by the external world you must feed it from the inside because the inside is the only thing
that can feed the ego indefinitely the external world can change and it will invert on you once it
at you are not useful to it but the internal world will always be able to be in your control the
internal world will always have an abundance of food for the ego and so the allow that you go to
begin at PACE your dreams and goals but do not allow it to finish your goals feed your ego feed
 20

your self until you are half full and once you are half full allow your friends to feed you and feed
them as well and this is the way that you will maintain balance this is the way you will be able to
be strong and your gentle to be loved and to love to be masculine and feminine to walk the
tightrope of life with Grace and without falling off balance being off citedSome might say that the
ego is the enemy and that you should kill the ego but you cannot kill the ego as a eagle will
always be within you in the same way that you cannot kill the ego you cannot kill yourself
attempting to kill the ego is as if you destroy the seed that grows into the tree the tree bears fruit
but destroying the seed what prevent the food from ever arising the ego is a Hydra and as soon
as you cut off one head another head arises it is impossible to kill the ego rather the correct way
to coexist with the ego is to tame it as two allow it into your self into integrated and to become
friends with it and to find a way to allow that you go it's Grace and freedom in a way that is
positive for society allow the ego to eat and to kill but it allow it to kill only the correct way and
God's path shows how this is possible but if you allow it to kill in the incorrect way then you
deteriorate your reality and you lose sight of yourself and you become violent and aggressive
and a murderer and a killer and you will not be invited to others games because you are not
integrated with your ego your ego has consumed you and you have become furnished with in
hell and maybe it is a relief to your pain temporarily but it is a solution that is temporary with a
consequence that is permanent and you will feel it later in life if you choose to live or if others
allow you to live but it is a Temptation and succumbing to this temptation is a form of weakness
and being the type of person to succumb to this weakness is a sadness that I wish upon nobody
and I feel pity for those who indulgent because there is another way and this way I show you
today it is difficult more difficult than this temporary relief and allow my legal to kill in allowing the
ego the ego to feed off of poor food and spoiled Goods in the short term but in the long term in
the actual game in reality and where it counts and where it matters and in the satisfaction that is
higher and driving and light and good and freeing and Lasting and true this path will give gifts for
generations and give gifts that only those who are worthy of appreciating them will be able to
receive and that isgift and he will give it to you if you stretch your hands out far enough
The tightrope Act of life is a difficult Balancing Act to maintain and this is because we are pulling
pushed in multiple directions and because there is no one way to live life and because the way
that we are raised is a difficult program to overcome if it is incorrect but there is a way to train
your life to be balanced and there's a way to keep yourself balanced and that is to keep a tight
circle around you and to keep a system of checks and balances around you and this is why
even though I will become successful in my life I will ensure that there is a circle around me that
keeps me in check the thing is I grew up in a system in which I was the most dominant person
and although this is quite personal in this story of Mental Health I think it is important to
interweave my personal anecdote in order to understand the perspective that I come from in an
order for you to judge whether you should believe in my advice I was quite tyrannical when I
was younger and my parents did not know how to control me and so I over bore them I
dominated them and they could not stop me I was selfish and egotistical and a bully and I still
maintain in a sense this system although it has become more subtle and although it has
become more socially acceptable because I have learned to be more tame about it it is still
there and is still incorrect and so in order for me to be a leader I must maintain a system of
checks and balances around myself I must maintain and a power structure that keeps me in
 21

check and so that I am not the most powerful person in the room because when that happens I
become a bully and this is something that I'm unconscious of and so it is difficult to retrain it is
possible but when a stressor occurs when something difficult occurs then I will regress and so
when that happens I become unstable and the most stable system is one in which under any
type of pressure the system Remains the Same consistent and so that is why maintenance
system of checks and balances maintaining a circle around me even when I am a leader even
when I am a messiah of sorts which I am not by the way because I am an imperfect man and a
servant of God and I have committed my own sins and I lack respect that I have an improper
relationship with life I will put it there I will leave it there I have an improper relationship with life
and therefore I need a system around me that's around me that checks me the keeps me from
bullying others I respond to systems of power and although a good leader would be able to be
uncorrupted by power I am not such a leader I am tyrannical dictatorial m selfish narcissistic and
someone who has Arrested Development and is developmentally delayed and therefore you
should be wary of my advice but I tell you now that I'm a man of God and I am a slave to his will
and that what I say now is Ernest in from the truth I say this even if you are a good man please
put yourself in check with otherssomeone higher than you in front of you because power
corrupts no matter how Noble you are and so you need some type of advisory some type of
reality check that will keep you in line even me even me who has gone insane I am not stable I
do not deserve to be a leader and yet I know that the future requires that I be a leader and I
know that sounds egotistical and that is because I am selfish and that is because I have a
dream in a will and a youthful mindset at 23 that I will be a leader and I want this leadership
because I have a desire for control and this is incorrect and I already know this but I write this
down because you should know what my heart says when I am sincere you should know this so
you can judge accurately a name correctly when you listen to my words

And I am honest about this judgement and this extension right here this written part that I add
this addendum is something that you should take with a grain of salt I added here as a footnote
because I'm inspired being uninhibited about my opinion the service here it is 2019 and there
are opinions that push the boundaries of what we should expect from between men and women
between the masculine and The Feminine and I will put it right here even though this is an
awkward place to put it what I think upon the matter what is the response the proper response
to the me-too movement given my current ideology of course it is the air on the side of caution
of course it is to be and empathetic man what does it mean to be an empathetic man and
means to be considerate and kind and not go unchecked with impunity the proper way to exist
with power is to be checked and balanced because power corrupts no matter how Noble you
are and that is the only opinion that I will have about this matter but let it not be confused that I
am saying that all men are evil and that I condemn men with power this is not true what I believe
is that honesty is the path that straightens reality what I believe is that transparency
transparency is the best way forward and someone people are honest about how they feel and
this is a good thing but I also believe that people who are in power are in power because they
can wield it correctly but sometimes they wielded in the incorrect Manner and if they do then this
should be known and so I endorse punishment for those who act with impunity and this comes
at the expense of myself but I am okay with this because I have learned to be an honest man
 22

and I attempt to be forthright and honest man as I walk the path of God and I honestly believe
that this is the Christian thing to do so that's why I leave this here because I understand that this
is something a relevance to our times
 23

Chapter VI - Irony of Life (The Great Nothing)

Now we've arrived to the great irony of life so we understand now the tightrope Act of Life of
maintaining balance and walking through life understanding that I mentioned those masculine
and feminine of kindness Mercy vs. judgement harshness and strength now we ask given this
balanced why do we maintain it what is the purpose of life why is it so painful why do we suffer
why do we go through this life what is the point of it all why should I grieve in pain at act good
when there is so much pain and evil in this world well there is a clear answer and maybe it is
satisfying and maybe it isn't but there is an answer and I will give it to you today and it is the
simplest thing you could imagine what is the purpose of life you might ask well I asked you what
is the purpose of a flower what is the purpose of a rock that you can point to that you can touch
and you can feel in your head what is the point of life I asked you does life have a point does
that question mean anything really no when we ask what is the point of life what we're really
looking for is an experience of Life of a way to feel like our perspective matters to feel validated
to feel that we contribute to something that there is something greater to our lives to feel that we
belong to something bigger than ourselves and so we come to a realization what is the point of
life 1 of life is to live there is no point of life this is the great nothing! The point of life is to laugh
in the drama of Our Lives because really it is not drawn is not a drama it is a comedy life is a
great irony there is no point to it and yet we live it and yet we struggle and we laugh at it and we
feel it and we are on fire and it is quite a sight to behold hahaha this is the laugh of not
maniacally rather it is a laugh of the great Buddha observe yourself when you laugh why do you
laugh do you look around when you laugh do you expect others to be laughing around you do
you feel insecure if you laugh and no one else is is there a right time to be laughing is there a
joke that you didn't get do feel slow do you feel that you are socially unnormal do you feel wrong
or unvalidated do you feel awkward do you feel abandoned do you feel like no one gets you do
you feel paranoid do you feel stupid unwanted lonely isolated awkward a social invalid crippled
sadness I feel that I feel that sometimes and I am confident and I am narcissistic and I am
positive and I have an ego and I hurt people and I am Sinner and I am walking god's path and I
am imperfect and a slave to God and I accept who I am and I I'm willing to change and to walk
an honest path that is What Separates Me from a mass shooter and from Cain and Abel I did
not mean to be dramatic with these words I mean to be honest and speak from my heart until
speak with my heart on my sleeve let me Let me see why we are in pain why do we experience
pain why do we reject some people why are there invalids in our society why are they socially
awkward why are they not socialized to be people what did they feel that they deserve that they
do not get what is the Revenge that they seek why are there mass shootings in modern society
this is not an easy question but I do have an answer I do not know where it comes from but I
know in my heart that it is there the reason that there are mass shootings in our society is
because we do not educate our youth we do not understand how to speak to each other and we
do not validate the emotions of the people involved but we also in Courage and accept and
enable a distortion to persist that does not belong so what does that mean how do we deal with
it how do we educate Mass Shooters should we integrate them into society what is a mental
 24

health issue that is causing this should we deal with it as a mental health issue or is it a gun
issue is it a political issue I could tell you now that it is a mental health issue and this book
pertains to mental health and to the times of our social climate in 2019 and so this is a quite
pertinent subject but I speak about I'm a man and I cannot say that I know the answer to mass
Shooters but I can't say that I can understand psychology of people who feel disrespected who
feel entitled when they don't deserve it and who feel that taking revenge is a relief to their pain I
can empathize with that I can sympathize with that and I can also judge against being a mass
shooter because I don't have that enormous sense of entitlement that these Mass shooters
experience but I also think I have a way to speak about it and speak to them and so this
following passage is going to speak directly to those who feel that shooting up a school shooting
up a theater shooting up a crowd of people is the next step is the way to feel relief for their paint
this next passage is for you my friend and I call you my friend even though you are a demon
and belong in hell but so do I and so does everybody else so without further Ado I speak to you
now my friend I understand your pain I know why you want to hurt others it is because they
have hurt you and there is no satisfaction in life there is nothing left in this life to experience
there is no way to be redeemed there is no way for others to prove to you that they deserve
your Redemption but but I will say to you my friend is that you cannot take your life personally
you cannot say to yourself that they know who you are what do they know they know what they
see they know what they have grown up to believe how old are the people that hurt you they're
not much more experienced at life than a budding plant how old are you how much life have you
seen do you know what life has left for you do you know what the majority of your life is going to
look like obviously not did you know that life gets easier when you get older did you know that
your brain isn't done maturing did you know that your neocortex isn't even done developing and
did you know that your actions will cause you 2 end your potential before you've even realize
what it was my friend I love you I love you so so much I love you just as much as I love myself
why because I am you you are me we are here together and we belong in society I know that's
hard to believe but I promise you this one thing there is someone just as broken As You Are
who is also there but responds to their pain differently response to their pain instead of turning
inwards and against the grain they turn out words and ask for help and there is help for you I
promise you that someone who is just as in pain as you has gone through this same experience
and found a way out and they understanding your pain will help you out of this hell and this is a
hell life is hell hell is other people how is the isolation hell is the loneliness the paranoia the
Panic the adrenaline the fear the pain the aggression the understanding that everybody hates
you and that you will never be accepted no one will love you no one will take you into their arms
hold you and say that you belong but of course that is a hallucination! I love you did you know
that? why do I love you because you are me and I love myself why do I love myself I love myself
because I was born into this world and I am on fire and I'm on pain but pain is beauty pain is
Beautiful Pain is what makes me feel alive pain is what I take in and what creates something
that is worth seeing I understand what it is like to feel like nothing that I do results in anything
true nothing that I do creates any type of influence in this world end so I will use my last inkling
of influence to make one last mark on this world and it will be remembered for the rest of time
and my name will finally be understood and my name will finally be spoken of and people will
finally come to respect me even if that respect is out of fear I understand that there is a Will To
 25

Power there is an attraction to that no one is blaming you for that there is weakness there is a
limp penis to that Olympus your handshake is weak your hand shake cannot impress others and
if you cannot accept this if you cannot realize that you are responsible for yourself that you have
the choice to become stronger then you will be doomed to this hell but I can also tell you this if
you choose to be redeemed what you can then you can strengthen your handshake you can
look someone in the eye and they will come to respect you if you let them if you show them why
if you are aware of how you present yourself and what you actually look like in their eyes the
problem is that you have not put yourself in their shoes and you have not looked at yourself in
the mirror and seeing what they have seen about you would you be your own friend would you
put your own hands into yourself I asked you this because I have to ask this of myself I am no
stranger to being egotistical beyond my imagination I am no stranger to thinking more of myself
than I am I am nothing and I am a servant to God God has shown me what the path is and
today I show it to you and I wish you the best my friend this is the path and this I ask you to trust
me about I believe in you and I love you because you are me and together we will make this
world a better place and we will make a heaven on Earth or at least a way out of hell trust in me
following God's path because God has already made it through and we will make it out of this
hell together you and I know I will not drag you out of it I will show you how I made it out

Chapter VII - What is Heaven (Nirvana)?

Now we know that there's a way out of hell even for those who seem so down the deep end that
there is no way out yes there is a way out even though the maze is quite complicated in the
Indian Labyrinthian there is a way out however the longer you dwell in Hell the longer it takes to
leave it some more of a death you have to be able to climb and more intractable it is because
the longer you stay in it the more comfortable you get being in it and you do not want to leave
but I promise you that if you're reading these words and if you are willing then you are halfway
there no matter how far away the light seems there is always a light there is always a door no
matter how unredeemable you seem no matter how far away you are yes even the most evil in
our society even the most atrocious and Despicable and unredeemable people there is a way
and it is a very complicated way some psychologists say that if you do not know how to
socialize by the age of 4 then you will be antisocial for the rest of your life that is to say you will
end up in prison you will be reliant on other people to get what you need you cannot be
independent and for the most part your quality of life is doomed to be less than mediocre I have
news for you aside from the psychologist there is a way out there is a light for you and there is a
way to succeed it is difficult and perhaps not worth the sacrifice that it will require but if you are
willing to sacrifice you can achieve it there is hope for you and there will be more hope for you in
the future but at this present moment the best we can do is offer one door and that is the door
that I will protect you today and that is the door to heaven what is heaven heaven is nirvana
heaven self-acceptance is stillness is drifting above the ocean with an even hovering of
attention is feeling the pain of life and letting it pass accepting it and allowing it to pass through
you as if you were a ghost it transitions do you like a bullet that does not hit any vital organs it is
 26

painful but it is not last because it washes over and the stream of consciousness moose had a
pleasant face and your attention wanders not in directions to Long that are brother it wanders in
the path that you have set for it through accumulated will and attune attention this is why
meditation is necessary because although we experience nervana for brief moments we cannot
thrive in it unless we've accumulated attention unless we've trained our nature to exist within it
to be able to wander into it and reminisce and enjoy it for long times the more we train our
experience and train our attention and tune our attention and understand the feeling of the
sensation in our spine and in our gut then we can understand when we are there then we can
remain there and enjoy being there for longer times is it possible to remain there indefinitely no
Nirvana is an unstable equilibrium Nirvana is being at the top of the mountain that very brief
moment before the ball rolls over it is a Stillness that is wonderful and it is a balance between
the extremes of life but it is not possible to be there indefinitely because the psyche
unfortunately cannot achieve a local maximum forever the psyche must go through it Seasons it
must go through its highs and lows and although we can attune our balance so that way we can
exist on this Maxima plane for long through practice we cannot remain there indefinitely as the
hurricane of life pushes us off balance with the gentlest of ease and the hurricane of life is much
greater then the balance that we can ever learn to maintain but this is not something to be
discouraged about Nirvana's worth practicing being Within why because it is not being in
Nirvana that is the end of life nor what gives life satisfaction Nirvana is a reward for living a life
with satisfaction it is God's gift to you but a tuning your focus to achieving Nirvana to living a
balanced life that is what will give you satisfaction and that is what will give you purpose and
happiness and contentment because as you stretch further than you are the dream will come to
fill the expands and you will become greater than what you were before and this is what feeds
the ego the dream will feed the ego the expanse will be filled the void is filled from the inside not
from the outside and so this food that you feed the ego is nourishing is plentiful is abundant and
it grows from soil that is fertile and the fruits are sweet and ripe and not spoiled they do not
come from ill-gotten gains they do not result in sacrifices Unworthy of names they are honorable
this stretching further than who you are than what you are and allowing the dream to fill the
expands and passing the boundaries of what you were this is good and necessary and this is
Honorable and Noble why because it is difficult because it is hard and because it is the root of
what this Psychotherapy is the truth of the matter is that sanity and Insanity can be resolved
with one character trait and that is insane courage having insane courage is what allows one to
achieve Nirvana some say that Psychotherapy can ra be replaced by a supreme moral effort
and indeed this is true what do I mean by Insane courage what is that a different message then
Supreme moral effort it is the same message it is a different flavor of the same message what is
supreme moral effort it is choosing to straighten the timber that builds up your ship but what is
insane courage and saying courage is choosing to confront the demon to slay the demon to go
past it to go in and threw two confront the exact part of you that you turn away from all your life
and the reason why you are weak we do not like to train the parts that we are weakest at there
is a reason we are weak in some areas and that is because we do not turn our attention to them
and we do not turn our attention to them because they point out and vulnerability in our armor
they make us understand that we are not perfect and then make us uncertain and this
uncertainty is detrimental to our survival and so we block it out with Shield our eyes we prevent
 27

ourselves from looking but we must understand that in order to survive yes it is a temporary
relief to avoid it but if we're to live long in this world We cannot accept this temporary relief as a
As a permanent solution we must understand that this temptation is our weakness coming to
haunt us yet again it is okay to have weakness because this is the part of Being Human but we
must allow ourselves to accept our ability to transcend we must identify with this part of
ourselves if we are to pull ourselves out of hell and so it is a choice we must make success
greatness goodness this is a choice we must make it is not something that can be decided for
us it is not something that others can teach us it is something within us and that we have known
all of our lives and yet we have not chosen it or we are reluctant to choose it because we are
also given Temptations to choose against it and so it is our will and our morality and our training
and our process that allows us to dig deep within us and understand who we would become if
we chose towards the Temptation instead of against it and chose the easy way instead of the
hard way it is our training that allows us to experience a more fulfilled life it is our acceptance of
the responsibility of pain that allows us to become good and great and that is why it is a burden
to be irresponsible it is a burden to accept the lower Temptations it is a burden to be rejected
because it is the easy way to live it is easy to be rejected because it is easy to live with our
imperfections and are irregularities and is not easy to experience the pain of our ego being
damaged in order to be corrected but you must turn your ego aside you must flip it on its head
you must slap yourself and experience the shame you must allow your ego to be bruised and
crushed and destroyed you must allow yourself to be symbolically killed you must be Noble
because this is the only way to reach yourself out of hell you must accept what you have done
and you must understand the guilt and you must not turn it away or blame it on someone else
you must accept the responsibility because accepting that you have done something wrong
even though you believe that you are a good person makes you an even better person because
now you take responsibility responsibility is the way to respect if you feel that you have been
disrespected that you've been ignored that you've been rejected then understand the one you
accept the responsibility of other people of yourself even of the pain of Life the burden of life
and that we are all on fire that is when you earn others respect that is when others will see that
perhaps you are worthy of their respect the thing is you are arrogant and you did not see who
you are and you are entitled because you do not know that you are not worthy of anything you
are a Fleck of Dust in the Wind until you understand this until you are humble and a slave to
something greater than yourself only then will you understand what you are and only then you
will understand why your entitlement will not lead to your greatness and instead will lead to your
downfall this is what nature fail to understand this is what this is what Nicha fail to understand
what his ubermensch could not comprehend yes the individual is the high ASF our society yes
capitalism meritocracy competition are benefits of society are what allows the ego to grow
healthily however a man has a nature and this nature must be contented with and the ego can
grow too large for its own sake and they can eat itself and they can eat the others around it
unless it is kept in check and that is why it must be obtained and that is why the nature must be
something that must submit something greater than itself and must submit to an ideal not a
person because a person is imperfect and the person is subject to their own neuroses and they
are inherited and they have inherited the failures of their parents and the broken system that
their parents are in fact they are the patterns that they falling into and perhaps those patterns
 28

are successful and perhaps they are beneficial but they are not the patterns that the culture has
observed over thousands of years because those patterns have been collected far beyond
lifetimes that a generation or Dynasty ever could Heaven in short is inner Stillness having is the
sound of the river streaming and the pleasant smile on your face the feel of the breeze on your
skin the site of the colors of the leaves changing of the trees the ever-present clearness of
sound the crisp morning air as you wake up this is heaven this is the song of The Birds this is
acceptance inner Stillness this is the feeling that the paranoia has disappeared Miss is the
feeling of Love of acceptance of the peak of Tranquility of the joy giving to others this moment
this I have the hurricane this is heaven heaven on Earth and perhaps there is a way to create
this and everybody and to allow everybody no matter how disrupted in corrupted and how
broken their life was growing up there is a way to achieve this Pinnacle of experience there is a
way to get here no matter how deeply entrenched your difficulties are but it requires sacrifice
and requires patience and it requires humbleness and perhaps the death of your own ego but if
you are willing to let this go if you are willing to enter into the void if you are willing to stare your
life in the eye stare your pain and accept it and to understand that you are responsible and to
achieve the very humble nusenda bottom of where you are at the shadow yourself to break your
own hand then you will be able to achieve Nirvana but do not try to harm yourself only allow the
symbols to wash over you only allow the Omens to be understood life is complicated and it is
beautiful and if you allow yourself to understand the language of the universe then you will be
able to know why the world is the way it is allow yourself to experience life let it wash over you
and instead of trying to take over it allow it to take over you and surrender control because you
are never in control control was in control of you instead allow yourself to be released into this
world and allow your influence stem from you allow it to come out and not pushed out instead in
Courage it grow it be the parent that you never had raised yourself to become great the traumas
that you have experienced they are there and they will always be there but if you have mastered
the experience of your life then you will become great then you will become good because you
can Master this experience but it will takes work it takes courage takes insane courage and
therefore it is not easy but nothing worth living for is easy nothing worth achieving is easy
because if it were easy what value would it have to you what man would you become if you
achieved it you wouldn't become anything else than what you are the greatest things in life
require you to become greater than you are to express further to allow the dream to fill the
expanse to become greater than what you be come to become greater than what you have
been that is greatness is happiness is heaven
 29

Chapter VIII - Jesus & Buddah (Enlightenment)

So at present we have seen what heaven is like and where it is and how it feels like and we
have also seen how God was created who God is and how he came to be his myth came to be
but we also have many gods and we have gods that speak different virtues so who do we
believe who is right and how do we decide the truth is Jesus and Buddha a cut from the same
cloth they both are men who were born on this Earth who spread the gospel that caught fire and
spread like a forest from the trees when in reality Jesus and Buddha were men who achieved
Enlightenment they were men were imperfect who I just like us but I did see Nirvana and they
did see a path to train the mind to achieve it now who is correct should you follow Buddha
should you follow Jesus do they disagree where do they disagree where do they agree that is a
difficult question and that might be beyond the question of how to navigate hell but I did say that
I wanted to create a heaven on Earth and I think this question is part didn't into that what this
really boils down to is the difference between eastern and western philosophy the difference lies
really in the dynamic in the flavor of masculine and feminine Chaos and Order how do we
understand the difference between the two really they are the same yin and yang masculine and
feminine 1 is one more to intuitive one is more analytical and it's the set in this sense this is
another dimension of the same Duo of the same dynamic Jesus of Nazareth was a man of God
but he also understood mercy and judgement and that there requires a balance there is a Holy
Trinity the past present and the future Buddha is an integrated so-and-so the compartments are
not so strict and his sense and so the difference with Buddha is suffering the difference with
Jesus is evil and where the lines blur and where they cross changes and that is always a
question of morality and of scope and that question is always evolving and it is always
something that culture and Society grows to understand more and more and so what does it do
for us to compare the two and to say one is greater than the other one path you should follow
over the other in fact they're saying the same thing but in different ways and in many ways they
agree and then some things they disagree and how do you decide who to follow in their cases in
which they disagree well that's comes down to experience and you are asking me what does my
experience tell me and tell you that I am born Muslim I'm born a son of Abraham and this is the
culture that I grew up in however I know that if I grew up in a culture and which Buddha had
taught me a different path and this is the way that I would most likely end up and so this
question might be beyond my perspective because it is beyond the lifetime of consideration that
I could actually fulfill however we must choose a balance between humbleness and ambition
and God's path God's will that is yahweh's Will shows that ambition can be a good thing and it
can show off and it can be humble and still be great and so for this reason I follow Jesus but for
this reason I do not have to fail Buddha Buddha is a way into a Noble Path Buddha is a way to
exist Buddha is the way two Enlightenment when you are burdened Buddha can accept you
even if you are in the darkest path even if you are entirely lonely you can follow his ways you
can follow his Monastery you can exist in solitary confinement and you can meditate and you
can become whole again and integrated and therefore if you are at the darkest steps of your life
if you are in the deepest insanity and then the deepest hell then Buddha will show you the path
 30

food that will allow you to laugh and experience Joy once again but once you are able to
experience Joy again once you are able to become saying again then I implore you to follow
Jesus is packed back into society back into the light and so both are needed both save us
together to allow us to laugh and Jesus to pull us close to me the judeo Christian faith is there a
morality quite interesting why do we associate Judaism and Christianity together and yet
separate Islam when together they make up the abrahamic religions this is an interesting
question and the dynamic is quite clear there is a reason why and that is because there is a
stark contrast between Islam and Judy Judo Christian is sanity and that is essentially at the line
of how should we punish should be punished by saying an eye for an eye or should we turn the
other cheek what does it mean to turn the other cheek is it a Meek philosophy should we be
weak no turning the other cheek as a sign of strength because what does it mean it means we
have the ability to experience another's pain and not to judge them for it where is to punish for
hurting you is necessary at a time when you have not everything when you do not have the
strength it is necessary but it is not necessary forever just as the ego is a survival tool it must be
let go of once you have climbed Vic & Steins ladder once you have climbed to a point where
you are able to feed the ego with more sustainable fruits then do not take an eye for an eye
rather turn the other cheek every ideal in the hierarchy of is a run Is a way out of hell and so if
you are starting at the bottom perhaps allow yourself to experience these philosophies entertain
them and body them experience them see if they are true and then once you have outgrown
them reach out to the next run and pull yourself up and embody The Next Step the next stage
and see what happens once you do so and understand that this could be the next stage in your
life do not get stifle do not get complacent there is change that is acceptable and there is
another path and you can take life is not so deathless life is not so limited climate can Steins
louder awakened from the depths allow yourself to be pulled from the dream allow yourself to
wake up and to reach out and to move where no one else has gone the Frontiers are open and
for those who are pioneers who will chart the territory that no one else has gone into this is a
noble cause and this is also dangerous and quite a sacrifice and so you must understand the
promise that you make and not make a promise you cannot keep with God what does it mean to
wrestle with him it means to struggle with your morality and means that your crooked Timber is
difficult to straighten but this is part of being human and this is a difficulty worth enduring and a
challenge worth pursuing and accepting and moving towards where do you aim aim towards
your North Star your North Star is your personal project you will understand that this is the next
step for you you will understand where you would like to move towards because you will feel a
gravitational towards it as well once you to move towards it then you will feel a pressure and yet
you will hesitate because you understand that to move towards it would mean to leave where
you are at and if you have been where you were asked for a while you will be comfortable and
you will be Chained and you will be rooted in a place that you do not understand but understand
that this Northstar is your ability to transcend understand that this is the part of you that actually
survived the hurricane that survived the flood this is the part of you that can enter into Nirvana
this is the part of you that is alive once you've shed your Burntwood allow yourself to trim the fat
allow yourself to clip off the dead feathers on your wings and move forward towards this
Northstar because there is a voice calling to you there's a voice that says I dare you and this
voice is what you must listen to even if it is a whisper because this voice within you is not your
 31

ego this voice within you is yourself knowing that this is the truth knowing that this is the path
and afraid but Noble listen to this voice and it will guide you this is God within you this is Jesus
accepting you and this is the insane Purge this is the reason that will bring you out of hell even if
it is muffled listen to it a tune your attention to it press your ear against the ground hear the
vibrations hear the song of The Birds hear the prophecy this is where you were meant to be do
not get stuck do not stop do not allow the inertia to prevent you from moving the Mind afloat
flutter around move quick do not stop swim through the Stream the birds are chirping and allow
the voice to grow stronger allow your back to straighten allow your spine to be relaxed find the
neutral position allow your breathing to become natural do not hyperventilate and do not accept
this Panic the Panic is there let it wash over you and let it pass let the moment pass as it is you
know why you were here you know who you are you know that God will straighten your path you
know that there is an arrow through your chest and that it will move through it and your heart will
be shattered but it will be fractured and recreated and reconstructed and whole again once God
is allowed to heal it once it's in his hands once you've accepted as much as you can and allow
God to take the rest until he is ready to give it back to you until you are ready to take it back
from him that is how you will heal in steps in pieces that is Jesus and Buddha Jesus and
Buddha are there together they are the wheel they are guiding they have walked in the snow
there in July 10th I have experienced heaven on Earth they have returned to show us the way
there is Footsteps in the snow I wish you no harm and they wish you no harm they wish you
good luck Good Fortune follow their path because they have been there they have been at the
deaths they have been in hell they have seen what you have seen they have the demons that
you have experienced and those demons they can be slain no matter how strong they seem no
matter how insignificant you feel there is a way out and there is a way to slay them and there is
within you God allow him to channel your grip allow him to straighten your aim allow him to allow
your wrist to be tight and to be straight and true and he will make sure that you hit your Target
and he will make sure that your aim is correct and he will make sure that no matter what path
you take it will end correctly Karma exist not as a force but as a truth about life and as nature
and so the religions exist because they layer the truth of reality and they have seen the patterns
that are correct and God is with them God is in these layers God is Within These infinite depths
so allow the pain to wash over you and accept it and got it is accepting you and the wheel will
turn and allow yourself to be taken this is God's wish this is would Jesus and Buddha have
understood Mrs Nirvana this is the swing of the trees this is how culture is understood and
paved and painted life is a brushstroke everyday is a brush stroke in the painting of Life allow
yourself to paint the scene allow them to paint the setting and you will see that the path has
already been written out before you and you will be able to find your way there just allow
yourself to do it and it will be shown to you this I promise you my friend
 32

Chapter IX - A Way Out (In & Through)

At the very beginning of this book I promised you at least one thing to show you how I made it
out of hell and how I am able to swim in and out of sanity like a fish coming up for air and this is
where I will speak of that now the key to moving through hell is to go through it if you are in Hell
keep going so what does that mean it means to move towards that very fear that is nine at your
own sanity that very fear that is digging into you like a needle into your skin understand the
backwards principle understand that the very feeling a pain that you do not want to accept is
resolved by accepting it because in the end whatever you resist persists because as you resist it
as you move away from it you feed it the energy you leave behind instead fitted poison. The
actual gift of God fitted the fruits of your labor and it will not be able to sustain its will become
diminished and weakened the more of the gift of God you feed it the more pure the water you
drink and the more pure the water it must drink from you the less it's poison can dilute your
experience of life drink it away feed it the gift of God feet at the fruits of life and the ability to
grow again to free again to be reborn faded the poison that is good health and it will go away
what I speak of in metaphorical terms and then symbolic terms as in the end what psychologists
speak of as exposure therapy exposure therapy is to feel the stimulus that you fear in a
proportion that you are able to handle at just your limit and once you are able to tolerate it at this
limit in the limit increases and so you're able to experience more of this fear stimulus and you
can become acclimated to it and then so on and so on you eventually become so acclimated to
this stimulus that at a normal level you fear it I just as much as anybody else with a reasonably
fear it that is the basis of exposure therapy and in particular my brand of insanity OCD is
particularly neutralized by this technique of the Mind however this is only one palliative palliative
tool in order to lift the needle digging into your skin this is only one way you understand and this
way works for the most part for a problem and which nature can be trained some problems are
so intractable and so difficult to deal with that exposure therapy can help but cannot in the end
allow you to live a life completely independent for yourself nor can it be socialized away a
problem such as schizophrenia in which reality is so distorted and so ambiguous so as to not be
able 2 distinguish fact from fiction reality from hallucination that is a difficult scenario and it can
be to a degree and which therapy can help but cannot cure what's this therapy can do is provide
tools to cope with the pain but in the end it is a walking stick and it is not heels leg it is a
wheelchair and not the ability to walk that does not mean that there is no hope for the
schizophrenic what it does mean is that the will can I train the nature of the problem 2 degree
that it is manageable instead the imbalance in the neurochemistry of the brain is so strong that
coping with it without a commensurate prodding and rebalance using medication is it possible
which is to say that there is a point where medication is required in order to save the patient
save the victim out of hell for now simply because the imbalance in their brain is too difficult to
be socialized out of and that brings us to an interesting question that is how much are mental
health problems a result of environment and how much are the result of genetics that is the
nature versus nurture debate the way that I view this debate being resolved is essentially that
we all have our own neuroses and we all have our own quirks of the mind and none of us are
 33

completely and totally sane and have such crisp views of reality that are not skewed in any way
or any direction of course all of our realities are distorted and of course all of our routines of the
mind and software systems that we've grown up with are not as efficient or as perfect as
possible and some may have more organized operating systems of the Mind than others but Vis
line at which a A routine of the mine that is a quark take a habit a learned behavior or a
behavioral habit repeated pattern of behavior the lineup which a repeated pattern of behavior is
problematic or is disorderly or is unnormal is at which it is difficult to socialize out of that is to say
that this pattern of behavior is repeated despite attempts to correct it by peers by instructors by
parents by therapist that is to say that this is a difficult pattern of behavior to correct and it
requires more attention and focus and effort and perhaps the direct methods than other
methods would normally be effective and other people that is to say it is ultimately an aberration
of behavior and so we say that a person is not normal but this is okay it is okay not to be normal
and that is one of the things that this book is meant to chart out what do we do about the people
who are not normal can they be saved should we save them yes Society has become strong
enough that we can finally support the people that it would seem would destroy the system that
we live in ourselves we do have the strength now to be able to live with sharks and so it would
be immoral of us to abandon these people who can cannibalize us it would be immoral to leave
them where they are because we have the strength we have the will we have people who can
help them if they try and so the people who are not normal people who are invalids who are
social rejects who are strange and weird and broken and who exist in hell the outcasts there is
hope because there was hope for me and I was able to tame my hatred and guilt and shame
and lack of awareness in arrogance and OCD and obsessive fixated behaviors there was hope
for me because Jesus is strong enough to carry us all his Jesus died for our sins in order to
allow us to live with the guilt of Our Lives to understand the irony that is to live Jesus died for
our sins as long as we can turn to him we can rest easy because we understand what we have
done and we have grown to become corrected we can return to Heaven Jesus will open his
arms and he will give us this chance if you are willing to redeem yourself if you are willing to
accept Jesus into your life I did not try to indoctrinate you here because that is a shame and that
is a shame what I do say is there is a way out in Jesus is that way that works for me and I'm not
saying that you must have banned in your ego and you must have banned in everything that
you've known in order to allow Jesus to correct your path what I am saying is if you act as if he
existed if you accepted his gospel for what it is and if you were to take it with a leap of faith I
promise you that with time the nature that you exist with will correct it will shape and your
lopsided form will round out once more since the time you were born because you will be born
again free from the sins that you've committed absolved and the guilt that you have you will
have right to he will not have the right to allow it to wash it away but you can allow yourself to
feel it and understand it and to master it and to grow from it the experience is part of you now
and it is a links to the cloth that is your life you now have God's will to wear around you and if
you allow his will to channel through you and there is purpose and certainty and love within you
and you will have a place in heaven and those around you will respect you and love you and
protect you and you will protect them nice because Jesus told you to do it but because Jesus
within you God within you acted it out for you without your cold analysis without you're planning
to you will realize how you act will change Knotts when you are effortfully trying to change
 34

brother when the matter means the most Listen now when you believe that you were
unredeemable understand that you are redeemable that there is always a piece of God within
you that you can grow and cultivate because God Made You In His Image and he has left a
piece of him and you and there's infinite depth within you that will allow you to correct your past
to redeem yourself to accept Jesus is Love into you there is one technique that you can use to
train yourself and to redeem herself for it the first is to confess to God and how do you do that
you pray to him prayer is meditation prayer is the other side of meditation prayer is a practice of
the Mind prayer is a training of the mind that is a conditioning as a self hypnosis as a self
hypnotization what is hypnosis hypnosis is entering the state of suggestion entering the state of
non skepticism when we pray we allow Jesus to pass through the gates that we reserve for the
outside world the gates that we reserve to protect ourselves from the intrusion of those who
wish us harm but Jesus wishes us no harm Jesus wants to save us and this is the leap of faith
this is opening the doors this is choosing to trust him to allow him to correct our paths to allow
him into our hearts to allow him to change we must trust people even though these people are
the same who can betray us even though these people are the very people who can crush us
and who can in the end and everything that we have and everything that we've built these same
people are the people that we must allow into our hearts in order to changes there must be
some belief that we are more good than we are evil and if you can believe that if you can see
that within yourself and you can nurture that then you will change and then you will be able to
allow the guilt to become something that is not a triple yes it is a sword allow your guilt to
instead cut chaos into pieces to understand what the world actually is to build out a garden to
straighten the timber that builds up your ship to understand that life is an experience and that
there is no purpose to it rather there is a fire that we are living in and then we are burdened and
grieving and suffering and that this guilt is something that you must live with and this guilt will
stoke the fire that you are on and it will increase the Heat and you will feel the pain and you
should feel this pain because you should understand your sin but Jesus died for our sins Jesus
did this so that we could be able to handle the burden of our guilt except as much as you can
and leave the rest to Jesus and then when you are ready to accept more take it in as much as
you can and do so until you have finally accepted all that that it is and then you have created out
of this Guild a sword to remember what you have done and also to forge ahead in the future and
never do so again and in fact correct those who do the same as you have done against the true
will of God and if you return home and correct your order and reconstruct your reality and
Seafort's that it is built on a temple not of sand but of True Timber then your Ark Will Survive the
storm then the hurricane will sway the ship and it will not break rather at Willow Bend and after it
is bent it will return to form because it is like water rather than like Stone take it in your hand the
pain and allow it to swirl into your palm and allow your palm to sink the pain into it into a single
point and then that single point imagine a spear piercing from the heavens down to the hell and
this is God's arrow and he directs it his might and you understand through this Arrow God sends
you the passage of pain and as this pain is concentrated wouldn't within this point within your
palm and this pillar from Heaven to Hell this is your connection to the world this is your pain that
you must accept but it is also your connection to the other worlds so experienced this moment
as that memory and feeling is experience and until the pain is dissolved experience this moment
and the pain in your hand will swirl until it shrinks and is gone and there it is your punishment
 35

there it is your chance at Redemption take it with you and make out of it a sword and God will
give you his gifts yet again
 36

Chapter X - Conclusion (Love)

I began this book with a promise to provide a way out of hell and I have described several
figures and Nets that have presented ways of navigating the irony of life in the past but I want to
take a step back and speak in more modern terms about how at this stage at this conclusion I
want to speak in the language of 2019 soon to be 20 20 this language I hope is going to set the
stage for more mature vocabulary that we will be able to point to the truth and more precise
ways I hope that one day a great philosopher will come and give us words that allow us to
communicate subjective experience and more precise ways and more sophisticated ways until
then I provide this light portrait of the state of mental health language and today's modern
vernacular or operating system when we are in hell that is to say when we are about to go
insane our vision of reality is blurred we cannot tell what is an is it true however every encounter
we have with someone else brushes are reality against theirs and in this juxtaposition our are
worlds are compared and we can see and sharper relief what reality truly is at least one layer
deeper and therefore after accumulating a series of encounters with other people AR reality is
sharpened into greater Focus as each encounter allows us to see a slight more depth in one
corner of the portrait in our vision allows us to see a blade of grass distinct from one more blade
of grass allows us to see shade of green slightly different then the leaf next to it on the tree and
so our Focus sharpens with every comparison we have with someone else's reality and this is
why the problem of Sanity is resolved by the network of people that surround us we cannot be
saying all by ourselves if we were to be born as babies and not to be in cultured we would be
feral and insane we would not have language as a tool to climb the ladder into higher Concepts
rather we would have images of the archetypes that would swirl and Flash in front of our minds
and we would be in a state of hallucination throughout our experience of life but because there
are other people around us the common hallucination we experience can be debated it can be
discussed in passed around and pointed to and communicated and carve into pieces and those
pieces we can mutate and we can create more crisp models of the world when we use the
language what we do is we create a virtual copy of our subjective experience that we can hold
in our minds in Virtual space and psychological space and Linguistics space this virtual copy of
reality is a model that we hold in our minds and we can mutate these copies and we can share
them with others and the more sophisticated our copies are the more useful they are to us as a
society and these are what become words and what become part of our language the problem
when we are insane is that our virtual copy of the objective World our subjective experience of
the world is corrupted it has been distorted by guilt and shame and lies and fears and fractures
reality that have occurred in the past or that are a result of an imbalance of neurochemistry the
way to peel these distorted pieces of subjective experience that can be shared with others is to
have them Polished by using them amongst our network of peers because each time we share
a copy of our subjective experience a piece of our subjective experience with someone else
how they respond to our language is feedback about our inner world and about what the
objective world truly looks like because when our image of the objective world is distorted then
the feedback that we receive from our peers reflects this and the degree by which they respond
 37

allows us to see the amount by which our model is distorted and so we must take this feedback
and review our concept of reality or at least the six exact piece of subjective experience and we
must shape it again in a way so that once we share it once more we see that the response to
the response to the copy of the objective world measures more accurately and so our model of
reality becomes sharpen once more this is a continuous process we must constantly be
checking that our reality is correct because are distortions occur over time just as wood warps
with the change in temperature slowly over time even if we live a straight path the wood will
warp if we don't keep it in check and so we must constantly be brushing our reality against
others there must be friction to keep our coarse straight + 2 direct us in the right direction
because our natural state is to drift in the way that we were born into and in the short-term this
is fine but if we allow ourselves to drift too far then it becomes more difficult to course correct
later that is to say that our community is what allows us to be rational and sane by speaking with
other people are comparing Our reality with others we can tell what is and isn't true and
therefore other people is a problem 2 is a solution to the problem of sanity socialization is the
solution turning towards others rather than turning inwards is the solution reviewing your
pathologies and thinking towards others allows you to see where you are lopsided and allows
you to polish this part of you so that way this lopsidedness is rounded out For this reason this
entire philosophy of this book can be summarized and the idea that love is the answer to your
fear why it does sound trite and it does seem like a cop-out but this is the true answer why
because love is what allows us to accept those who are in pain even when accepting their pain
makes us feel pain as well love is what allows us to sacrifice for others to forgive others to have
relationships with others to nurture others to experience Joy Beyond feeding the ego love is the
greatest gift God gave us I love is the force of God within us people only go so far for
themselves and yet they will stretch further and the dream will fill the expanse out of love love is
infinite and that is why it will fill your cup and for the rich the rich will become richer and the poor
will become poorer for those with love and who have love for themselves who can give it to
others more love will be given to them and for those who lack love for themselves and who can
not accept love from others level be taken from them because they lack God's will they do not
want to accept his grace and they turn away into themselves and become inverted in lopsided
and their reality blurs and their Vision becomes blind and so they wander and drift so far away
but God is merciful and he allows love and he allows a piece of himself to remain within you and
this peace within you is capable of love but it must be exposed you must allow it to be seen you
must Trust other people and you must accept that they are more good than they are bad and
although there is evil in this world and although people can Crush you you must trust that God
has gifted us love and that this gift others will use for the sake of our benefit and you must take
the leap of faith and if you take this sleep then you are worthy of God's gift but if you do not take
this leap of faith ask yourself this why are you worthy of his protection why are you worthy of
Sanity why are you worthy to be in this world and I tell you this is because you were born into
this world that God gave you this gift and that God will forgive you if you ask for it but you must
ask ask and you shall receive
I say all this not to indoctrinate you nor to convince you that God is real I say this because this is
a way out and this is a way that is known for thousands of years religion is a gift that we have
been given and people take it for granted especially in the times now there we have it because it
 38

is so readily available but we do not realize that it is so available because it is a treasure that
would be it would be a shame others could not experience it if you could not see the statue of
David would that not be a shame if you could not see the Mona Lisa would you not be sad
would you think it is wrong that someone keeps the secret from you that someone would
prevent you from seeing it in your lifetime because they place a premium on the ability to see it
because they make it exclusive to only people who are privileged enough to see it that is why
religion is something not to be taken granted for we are given the greatest gift of Our
Generations before us they have compiled the wisdom and the stories that have been passed
down since the dawn of language and we are lucky to witness such beauty in our lives such a
order that sorts our minds that is able to order the images that are manufactured in our reality
and the archetypes and provide a cohesive way a footstep through the snow a path that we can
walk that is tried-and-true and that will allow us to live lives of satisfaction and happiness why
would we take this for granted this gift that is been given to us it is because it is so freely given
that we lack appreciation for it if for example we had to pay in order to even observe the Bible in
order to be able to read it I guarantee you that those of us today what R-value with much more
than we do now and yes today's society is more secular and is raised without religion because
the values of our religion are baked into the more modern stories that we distribute today but
never forget that those values are contained within those stories nonetheless and although the
packaging is different and the wrapping paper is shinier that does not change the fact that those
stories came from representations of the archetypes and that the deaths go deeper and that it
does take more effort to understand the deeper stories but there is a richness and
understanding them and the effort and time is worth it reality is Laird and it is fragile and Nick
can be destroyed at a moment's notice it can be pushed off balance but encountering others
allows us to layer are portrait of reality one more time allows us to add one more brushstroke to
our reality to make it just that much more sharper and so we live in a dream and we share a
hallucination and we share an objective world that we can observe through at the doors of
perception and we have a ladder of that culture has provided us and we have a path that
religion has walks before us and we stand on the shoulders of giants and we are lucky to be
where we are and yet we lack gratitude for our elders and we lack respect but we do have
language for what we understand and we do have the strength to take care of those who aren't
normal and those who could potentially cannibal our system only those who are put together
more than the average person are able to help those who are broken more than the average
person the same degree they're stronger and so for those people I applaud you and for those
people I wish to be like you because I want to be strong enough so that way I can help people
who are not strong enough to be protected by Society I believe that it is a shame that we must
have banned in anyone at this point when we live in such a surplus of wealth there is no one
that need be left behind at this point because there are some that are so ahead that no one will
ever even imagine passing them surpassing them and there's some that are so ahead that they
have room to carry thousands of people behind them and this is something I wish to achieve
one day for myself I have an ego that is true and I have my own selfish reasons and I am in
perfect and that is why I wish that you take these words with a grain of salt and that is why I
write this now at the age of 23 imbibed drunk and barely awake I write these words to you as a
selfish Indulgence to my ego but I also write this because I have a piece of me that wishes to
 39

transcend my selfishness and wishes to be helpful to others to myself to the person that I could
have looked up to when I was younger I have OCD and I understood this this week the pieces
of my life are coming together and I'm starting to order my house again and I'm starting to
understand why I came into this world and what I've meant to do my philosophy is my own but it
is inspired by Nisha and ran vichtenstein and thorough I am a student of Jung and Freud and
Dostoevsky I am a servant to God I am in perfect I am in therapy I have a mental disorder and I
am trying to be an honest and forthright man I am developmentally delayed and I lack respect
for many people but I am learning and I am willing to change and that is why I write this for you
today because there is a way out of hell and I have been there and I will be back there and one
day I might be there and I might never return and that is why I write this now so that way you
can Read this and maybe you will be able to navigate hell like I do but I caution you do not dwell
in the gates of hell do not stay there long make your visit short and brief and return to the light
when you can this place is not safe and it is not both of you or smart of you to stay or remain
here do not fear though because there is always a way back if you can grasp onto something
but you must grasp and you must maintain a firm and Steady Hand God always is within you in
infinite death and he will show you away if you let him if you accept him but you must take this
leap of faith you must trust others you must turn towards rather than away and you must go in
rather than through you must go in and through rather than away I love you you are my friend
no matter how disgusting and Despicable we are there is something worth redeeming within all
of us Jesus died for our sins so we can accept the guilt as much as we can and the stronger we
become the more of our own guilt we can accept until we are ready to become just like him his
path is before us and his footsteps tried out the snow ahead of us and so there is no reason to
be afraid because God is with us and he will guide you home once again.