Positive Aspects of Grief

Most people would agree that they would never willingly want to seek or go through the
pain associated with the death of a loved one. Stroebe, Stroebe, & Hansson (1988), in a review of
bereavement research, highlight the negative impact of loss on mental and physical health, social
networks, and economic considerations. Cliches such as "time heals all wounds" and "things will
get better in time" are typically discarded as irritating and non-helpful. Yet there is some truth
that statement often results healing. Made a stride further, is there something to pick up having
experienced the anguish procedure? A great part of the loss examine has concentrated on
distinguishing the factors which encourage or obstruct the distress procedure, for example, social
help, nature of the pre-dismal relationship, adapting style, and extra life stressors. (Gass & Chang,
1989; Herth, 1990; Moss, Moss, Rubenstein, & Resch, 1993; Norris & Murrell, 1987; Yancey,
Greger, & Coburn, 1990) Equal attention, however, has not been paid to the seemingly
paradoxical nature of the positive aspects of grief. Relationships can be profoundly affected by
one significant other's death. Whether it's because of declining family size, the fact that death can
take anyone at any moment, bonding for survival, or other causes, families often grow closer
because of grief. Norris & Murrell (1987) found that family tension for older adults significantly
shrank after a loved one's death. We remain the object of time and attention while family
members are sick for a while, and regular activities take a back seat to treatment.
The death of the loved one can be a burden of pressure removed and a return of family life. Social
supports in the form of friendships and self-help groups have been viewed as an asset in helping the
bereaved cope (Krause, 1986; Zimpfer, 1991). Although not everyone can reach out to others in times of
crises, those that do may find their friendships strengthened through the sharing. Taylor, Lichtman, &
Wood (1984) and Collins, Taylor & Skokan (1990) found that people dealing with life traumas such as
cancer found more pleasure in their relationships with others and were more compassionate following
their experience with this illness. Similarly, Lehman, Davis, DeLongis, Wortman, Blieck, Mandel, &
Ellard (1993) It was found that the bereaved had increased openness and consideration for others, and a
greater emphasis on family. Social services can become a lifeline and take on a more central focus,
especially when the elderly lose someone near them. Lund, Van Pelt, Caserta, & Gass (1990) found that
widowers' primary and secondary social networks steadily increased in size over the two years following
the death of a spouse. Bearing one's soul through the common pain of grief is the cement for many
friendships. Many positive personal changes can occur as well via the grief process. Wortman &
Silverman (1989) dispel the myth that grief is always a great personal crisis. One major area is that often
altered is the belief system of the bereaved. Those that have lost a loved one may have a greater
appreciation of life, and an increased focus on the present (Lehman et al., 1993; Kallenberg &
Soderfeldt, 1992).Spiritual beliefs, whether in the form of structured religion or a generalized belief
system may be strengthened as no human source can provide reason or solace. The loss of a loved one
may be associated with a higher existential meaning and more positive change in life goals (Edmonds &
Hooker, 1992). Grief of a love one’s can be a life disaster for us and can affect us by mental breakdown,
depression, and anger, but not all the time that can only trigger a negative effect on us but there is also
a positive effect like making accept the reality, and keeps bravely moving forward. Something terrible
can happen to you, and yet, the day after this something terrible, the sun still rises, and life goes on. And
therefore, so you must. -Martin Short