THE SNAKE FARMERS

ACT ONE

Scene 1

The curtain goes up to display Ngwane’s quaint little village hut in Nsoko (a village in Eswatini). The
compound is littered with young men digging, women cooking, balancing pots gracefully on their
heads and little children running around and screaming. Ngwane sits on a stool, centre stage, over-
looking all the activities, when a flustered-looking Thandwa (a village elder) comes hurtling onto the
stage.

Thandwa: (talking loudly) Have you heard Ngwane?

Ngwane: What could be the cause of so much noise from such an old man (laughing)! What is the
matter Thandwa?

Thandwa: No games, my brother. (resigned) Something is after our lives.

Ngwane: (all traces of mirth gone) What have I not heard, chairman?

Thandwa: All his children are dead. They were found dead in their beds, bellies swollen, and no one
can tell for sure what killed them.

Ngwane: What! Whose children? (Mumbling) So unusual…swollen bellies! I’ve only ever heard of
those from my father’s time, and that was many, many years ago.

Thandwa: (in a trance-like state) His wife met me in the garden and told me the news, very unusual
indeed.

Ngwane: (frustrated with the chairman’s evasiveness now) Whose children, Chairman? Whose
family?

Thandwa: (awakening from his trance-like state) Lethabo’s! (Deeply disturbed) Their bellies were like
footballs.

Ngwane: Poor man! (After a moment’s pause in which he appears to be considering something)
Poisoned! That’s it. They were poisoned. But why? Why would this happen? Oh, when the rain traps
a man, the downpour never stops! Isn’t he the fellow who lost his bull just a week ago?

Thandwa: Yes, he has been visited by an ugly owl.

Silence from both men; they look at each other, despondent.

Ngwane: We must go and stand by his side. We cannot allow death to turn us into cowards. It seems
this poisoning will soon have us all.

Thandwa: You are right, my brother. We need to go and stand with him. That is probably why his
wife came to me.

Ngwane: All three of his kids! But what could have happened?

Thandwa: (clearly pleased with his conclusion) I saw it rain and shine at the same time yesterday.
And it went on for a very long time. This could be the spell that has come to haunt our village. Such
shiny rains bring bad luck.
Ngwane: Thandwa, it cannot be that. Old age has started taking its toll on you. Why do you forget so
fast? Our elders used to say that only shows a leopard is giving birth in some distant bush.

The two men walk away from Ngwane’s home and onto the road.

Thandwa: (hurriedly) Forget the superstitious talk, we need to get moving. I know you; you never
shut your mouth when you start talking about your ancestors and their magic that made trees bend
for them. We need to go to Lethabo’s place.

Ngwane: (staring into the distance) They were great men, those, my ancestors.

Thandwa: (tapping Ngwane impatiently) We need to arrange a small meeting to arrange the burial
of the bodies so we’ll need some money. Do you have any? You know I only just re-thatched my
wife’s house.

Ngwane: I’d better pick some money up then. Give me a few minutes (hurries off to his house).

A pensive Thandwa is left on the road alone.

Thandwa: (looking impatiently in Ngwane’s direction every few seconds) We live in a strange world.
Who ever thought that a man could lose so many things in a single misfortune? Then how does a
man survive? There were wars for liberation, (more frustrated) the cattle rustling, disease! We’ve
only just got past cholera, now football stomachs?

Ngwane reappears and re-joins Thandwa on the road.

Ngwane: (gently patting Thandwa on the back and pushing him into a slow stride) These times must
be harsh; the old man has learned to quarrel with the road?

Thandwa: (softly) I’ve never seen a man struck like Lethabo.

Ngwane: (walking faster) Which is why we need to get there fast; even if he doesn’t show his
sorrow, he must be grieving.

They walk off the stage together.

Scene 2

A luxurious, London sitting room fixed with recent state-of-the-art furniture and deco, and several
gadgets. Tired, Theodore (Ted) Brown walks onto the stage slowly. His wife, Ethel, returned from
work a few hours ago and is typing away on her laptop, humming under her breath.

Ted: (walking into the sitting room) Damn, London is hot today! (Kissing the top of Ethel’s head)
Hello, love. How was your day?

Ethel: It was hectic! So much work to do.

Ted: Did you pick my laptop up from Joseph? Is it working okay?

Ethel: (tone laced with guilt) I’ve been with Andrew at Cardiff all afternoon. (Wincing) I’m so sorry; I
got overwhelmed with all the work and only remembered when I was too far away to head back.

Ted: It’s all right, I wasn’t going to do anything important with it today anyway. (Settling on the
couch next to a busy Ethel) Could you pass me the remote please? Apparently a flood in China killed
thousands; the newspaper didn’t give me enough info and the news will probably be on in a few.
Ethel: (closing her laptop and moving closer to Ted on the couch, who puts his arm around her) I’ve
been following the Conservative Party elections; John Pyne is running in Huntingdon. I’m not sure he
stands a chance, though.

Ted: Against who? Mark Clark?

Ethel: Yeah, he seems like the more suitable candidate.

Ted: We can’t know for sure yet. (Looking at his watch) It’s already 7? Wonder what Leona has for us
today.

Ted and Ethel focus on the television.

Leona Davies: (BNN news bells) Welcome back, I am Leona Davies bringing you the news from BNN.
A strange incident in the remote village of Nsoko in Eswatini, a struggling African country, left three
children from the same family dead. Villagers suspect it is a case of poisoning, but some among them
are blaming the ill-intentioned hand of a traditional healer, a witch of some sort. Our correspondent
Peter Stokes in Mbabane, the capital of Eswatini, visited the small village which is about 100
kilometres from the capital. Peter what have you gathered on the story?

Peter Stokes: Well Leona, the cause of the deaths is still unknown. There’s no local health centre to
do an autopsy here, so we cannot tell exactly what happened. The bereaved family had to bury them
this afternoon; the bodies were starting to give off an awful odour. Of course, there is little medical
sophistication here; villagers can’t have bodies treated. But everyone here is puzzled by the deaths.
Eyewitnesses say the bodies had bites, presumably snake bites.

Leona Davies: Has this kind of thing happened before in the area?

Peter Stokes: Well Leona, group deaths are not a new phenomenon here in southern Eswatini. In
fact, just last year thousands were killed by what appeared to be some sort of cult. This sent the
entire region into consternation. Any deaths here cause panic, so leaders are trying to be cautious.
There are fears of an epidemic.

Leona Davies: You said it is suspected that the children might have died from venomous snakebites.
Do you think there’s truth to these assumptions? Have you seen anything that could strengthen the
general suspicion?

Peter Stokes: Well, yes. Leona, we are talking 100 kilometres away from any city, and this is
Eswatini; it is still a very prehistoric place. There are bushes all over and people walk around
barefoot. It looks like a very good breeding area for snakes. It would be impossible to rule them out.
Even at the burial of the children, a snake was killed and one of the villagers remarked that snakes
are not a rarity for the community. So all indications show that snakes could be rampant in this here.

Leona Davies: Strange indeed. Let’s just hope a snake epidemic isn’t already written in Eswatini’s
future. Thank you Peter, for the update. Now let us turn to our other headlining stories this hour.
Police in Burma have…

TV volume dies down completely.

Ted: Another sad story. What are we doing to help, as rich a country as we are? Something needs to
be done for these people.

Ethel: Yeah, the ignorance needs to stop. We sit in our comfortable homes and watch millions die
when we have the resources to help them.
Long pause; Ethel and Ted lost in thought.

Ethel: (picking her laptop up again with a surge of energy) I think I might talk to the church about
visiting the village and helping out. We can even do a bit of fundraising. What do you think Ted?

Ted: I think it’s a wonderful idea. (Stands and starts walking off stage) And we can contribute
ourselves. I’m thinking we might even be able to do more…I have to think about it though. (Stopping
abruptly and turning to talk to Ethel again) What are we having for dinner by the way? I’m thinking
today we could treat ourselves to something nice. (Finally leaving the stage completely and calling
from the wings) Dinner and a movie maybe?

Ethel: (closing her laptop and collecting her things excitedly) Yes! You read my mind; I’ve been dying
to get out. What am I going to wear?

She leaves the stage as well.

Scene 3

Villagers gather in Lethabo’s courtyard for a meeting. Lethabo’s house is iron-roofed and bigger than
the other villagers’; all the surrounding houses are grass-thatched. Lethabo, Thandwa, and Ngwane
sit in front of the villagers, already discussing matters of importance with the nearest villagers. As
they continue to talk, more people walk onto the stage, finding random objects to sit on; jerry cans,
large rocks, the underside of buckets etc. The villagers huddle together messily, with Lethabo in a
chair facing them, Thandwa on his right, and Ngwane on his left.

Thandwa: (hesitantly) Lethabo, my brother, you have suffered a lot in your days. The tragedy that
befell your home two days ago, was like a trial against a king’s emissary; it leaves you only for the
dead. But I know you are a strong man; we’ve survived a lot together. I know you will not despair.
When a lion falls ill and grows thin, it doesn’t become a cat. You will remain a lion in Nsoko. We have
seen these calamities before. Isn’t that so, my brothers?

Ngwane: Too many to count.

Lethabo: (calmly) It will be easier now that you are here. I will stay strong. Thank you for coming.

Thandwa: (pensive) I last saw deaths so sudden during the war for liberation. Why, out of the blue is
our village being plagued with suffering again? Where are these deaths coming from and-

Thato: (standing from the crowd of villagers) We know, Chairman! We know what killed Lethabo’s
children! I don’t know why old age has chosen to start with eating your eyes.

Thandwa: (searching for the origin of the voice) What happened? Tell us, Thato! When elders
whisper together, they cannot fail to find answers. Speak, Thato.

Thato: (standing up straighter to address the rest of the villagers) Lethabo is the richest man here.
All of us know it. He has all that we do not have; his house has an iron roof, it is bigger than ours,
brighter than ours. He has big kitchen, and a larger herd. Even though you won’t admit it, you are all
envious of his wealth. Those children were bewitched! (Pauses for dramatic effect) And we know
who the witch is.

(Murmurs break out all over the compound)

Thandwa: (murmurs dying) Thato has spoken, but I have doubts. Those children must have been ill.
This is what happened when we had cholera; people thought it was witchcraft until the white people
opened our eyes.

Absolute silence; a few villagers open and close their mouths several times, wanting to say
something, but it is clear that they feel threatened.

Thato: (pointing accusingly at the other villagers, agitated) They fear! You fear to say! No one will
speak out. Cowards!

Thandwa: (with eerie calmness) If no one is speaking, then it is clear no one agrees with you Thato. I
have seen over and over that when we fail to explain strange things, we evoke the invisible hand of
witchcraft. Our fathers believed malaria was a curse from the gods and they continued to sacrifice
their chickens without looking for the grasses that had the cure. If government hadn’t given us nets,
they would have never stopped offering ritual sacrifice!

Lubanzi: (standing from the back of the crowd) Chairman, I think different.

Thandwa: Yes! Speak, Lubanzi! What could be the cause?

Lubanzi: The snakes. I know Thato might also say the snakes were sent by the old woman in Lethabo
neighbourhood, who many have accused of witchcraft. I know she conflicted with Lethabo when his
herds demolished her potato garden. But really, should we defecate in our houses for fear of
darkness? The woman stood up against Lethabo for his carelessness with his herd. But you all saw;
that woman mourned with us yesterday. Only a few days ago, her only remaining cow died, and we
confirmed it was due to snakebite. I believe snakes killed Lethabo’s children; why have we been
blind?

Lethabo: Lubanzi has spoken my mind. I apologised to the old lady. My herdsmen had been careless
that day while my animals grazed near her potato garden. My children, (struggling with the words)
came back crying of thirst and pain from small wounds. Then the wounds started to protrude, but
the children couldn’t say what had happened.

Thandwa: You didn’t ask?

Lethabo: (throwing Thandwa a scathing look) Of course I did, but they were in so much pain they
couldn’t talk. I realised after they had died. I think the snakes bit them while they hunted for
mangoes. I went to the bush yesterday and found two dead snakes near that good mango tree. My
sons must have killed them afterwards.

Thandwa: But why didn’t the children tell you?

Lethabo: (sighing exasperatedly) Old man, thieves don’t talk, even if a red-hot spike were to be
placed on their chests. My children had not received permission from the owner of the garden.

Thandwa: We have a problem on our hands; we need to deal with these snakes. We need not
continue thinking in that line of witchcraft.

Ngwane: I have always told you that we need to work together to keep our village safe and clean.
We used to have a firm spirit of collective responsibility to clean our village and ensure safety many
years ago. Now we have snakes! (Pausing to relish the way the villagers hang on his every word) Are
we going to wait for the government to do something while we die?
Thandwa: (sighing exhaustedly) Enough quarrelling, Ngwane. Now that we know the cause of our
problems, we need to begin the search for medicine. We can’t sit on our hands like invalids; the
snakes wait for no one. They are finishing our cattle and our children off as we speak!

Ngwane: Where do we start, my brother? And we need to start now.

Lethabo: (rushing like he has been waiting ages to present suggestions) Those bushes need to be
cleared first. There are so many thickets around us. These snakes are not coming from the ends of
the world, they are born and bred here. As our elders have said, “That which kills the king is always
in the courtyard, it will never come from far.”

Villager 1: (standing from somewhere in the middle of the crowd) We need to create committees. I
can head the snake hunters group. Of course we will kill those that we encounter as clear the bush.
But we are going to need a medicine committee for quick treatment if someone is bitten.

Lethabo: I think it’s a fair enough plan. Just the other day, I was taking a count from reports by the
young boys; there have been six cobras in the village- way too large a number. Those won’t need
medicines, just people to club them.

Lubanzi: I can work with the hunters’ committee. We’ll get sticks and drop them at all the crossroads
for people to quickly have something to hit any snakes they come across. Someone should head the
Luyiira group; we need to burn bushes down in many places.

Thandwa: Indiscriminate bush burning might finish off our plantations and famine will have its fangs
on us; I think it is avoidable. But now that you have come out in such large numbers, we can start
somewhere. (Standing again) Disclose all our plans to those that have not attended this meeting.
Tell your wives and children to be more careful, and ask the men in the neighbouring villages to join.
Let’s start tomorrow; your wives must be getting worried. Go home. I will stay here at Lethabo’s
place and keep him company. If anyone wants to stay, I’m sure he will be pleased

The villagers leave the stage, many of them going to the chairman to discuss the plan and shaking
his hand as they go. Ngwane remains in his seat, looking around every few seconds.

Ngwane: (to Thandwa once everyone has gone) I think I’ll stay here too. I just hope Lethabo has
some sour juice. (Leaning in and whispering conspiratorially) By the way, are there still unmarried
girls around here? They were good singers.

Thandwa: (laughing) You and women! You don’t even respect tragedy! Even with your greyed head!

Ngwane: (sheepishly) Where was it written that a man cannot be energised in bad times!

Thandwa: (patting his friend fondly on the back and standing) Let’s go inside the house and keep
there. There should be some coffee in the house.

They leave the stage together.

ACT TWO

Scene 1

Thousands of people storm a park in London for the “Saving Eswatini” concert. The Brown family is in
attendance too. The loud murmurs contend for space with the music and the audience’s excitement
is palpable. People are waving placards reading “London for Eswatini” and several others and there’s
the occasional chant from any part of the audience as they wait for the show to start. The murmurs
begin to die as the MC takes the stage, everyone restless with anticipation.

MC: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. (The murmurs die down) Welcome to Saving Eswatini!
(the audience shout their approval with cheers and whistles) Over twenty groups of musicians from
around the UK and the US have volunteered to perform tonight, and a special thank you goes to
them. In fact, we couldn’t even book all the groups and stars that wanted to perform on this stage
tonight. Thank you so much! Our guest of honour, the Mayor of Westminster Mr Richard Thompson,
is here and he will be launching the fundraiser soon. This concert could not have come at a better
time! While we lounge comfortably in our seats, an epidemic of snakes is consuming an entire village
in Eswatini. Children, adults, livestock, and crops are dying. We are here because we have the power
to make things better! I want to thank you guys for caring and taking the time to come.

The audience applaud and cheer.

MC: The Mayor will officially open the evening and then we’ll get right to our first act from the
artistes of this year, “Daft Londoners”. They are going to do a song they were inspired to write the
minute they heard about the trouble in Sahara.

The audience applauds and cheers loudly. The mayor is then invited onto the podium to speak.

Mayor: How about some applause for our gifted host this evening! (The audience applauds and
cheers loudly) Thanks to the bands and singers who have volunteered to entertain and raise
awareness of this tragedy in Eswatini, and to all of you that spared to time to be here. I’m honoured
to be here and head this fundraiser, whose sole purpose is meant to save Eswatini villages. Our
country has a long history of conquests and wars but we also has a great history of extending
civilisation and spreading love. We have reached out over the centuries to so many places across the
globe and we continue to do that today, not by sending armies this time, but by sending hope.
Applause.

Mayor: We are a rich nation, rich in so many ways. And so we have the great power to help the
poor, and the downtrodden. We cannot let millions of people die while we watch.

Audience: (chanting loudly) Not this time! Not this time! (Gradually getting louder)

Mayor: (having to talk over the excited audience) Although I am an elected official, I know that we
cannot wait for government to act. We, individuals in our respective capabilities, can do something. I
am personally donating five thousand pounds to this cause. We should help Eswatini overcome this
crisis and the time is now…this time is now. Thank you. (Walks to a reserved area in the audience)

Audience: (chanting as the Mayor walks to his seat) The time is now! The time is now!

MC: Thank you, Mayor Thompson. (Laughing) I hope that five thousand pound donation has inspired
the rest of you!

The audience cheers loudly.

MC: Let me bring to the stage our first performers. This was the first group that stepped up when
the call was made. Join me in welcoming, (pause for dramatic effect) The Daft Londoners!

The audience cheers as The Daft Londoners take the stage, a trio of hip-hop artists.

Lead singer: (waving enthusiastically) Thank you! Thank you! (The cheer die down) Hello people!
(the audience shouts back a messy “Hello” followed by loud cheers) This is a promise we make to
you, friends in the cause: The Daft Londoners will visit Mbabane, the capital city of Eswatini, and
stage a concert for the troubled village, Nsoko. We hope our songs inspire you!

The group begins their performance.

Curtain.

Enter the Browns discussing the event, as the music dies in the background. They walk slowly across
the stage slowly: away from the concert.

Ethel: (talking loudly over the loud music still playing from the place they’ve just left) That show was
crazy good! And the Mayor’s speech was just… (pauses to find the right words and upon failing,
mouths the word “wow” with gestures) It just goes to show how serious people’s response to the
Saharan problem is.

Ted: Yeah the response is unbelievably good. What happened at church?

Ethel: So many people had already heard and wanted to help. They collected items of all kinds;
clothes, shoes, bags, mosquito nets. Brother James and a group will be heading to Eswatini a few
days from now. They are going to work with the community.

Ted: That’s wonderful. (Pausing to look at his wife) Will you be going too?

Ethel: (pausing) I think so. What do you think?

Ted: I think it will be noble of you. Hey, Ethel, I have a meeting tomorrow at the Consulate. We can
discuss this in the car, let’s get back home. (Beginning to walk again) Oh there’s the car (pointing
offstage). We need to get moving. I want to see the 9 o’clock news. I need an update on this snake
story. It’s now a week since I last heard anything new. But I glanced at the daily yesterday. I think it
was (hesitant) 500 dead now? The situation is getting out of hand.

Ethel: Let’s get home and find out then. BNN probably has the most accurate update.

The couple walks off the stage.

Ted sits in on the couch in their living room alone, dead silent. BNN news bells go off.

Leona Davies: It is 9 o’clock GMT, news coming to you straight from London. I am Leona Davies, and
here are today’s headlines: the snake epidemic in Eswatini. We continue to report on the story of
poisonous snakes that have run rampant in a small village in Eswatini. Pop stars across the world
organised a concert to raise aid for Eswatini. In other news, the civil war in the Amazon: we bring
you the story of the rebel fighting groups that have joined forces to defeat a common enemy: the
tyrannical regime in the small coastal country of the Amazon.

(Bells)

Leona Davies: Snakes are demolishing an entire village in the third world. It has been a week since
this story first topped the news. A strange snake epidemic has victimised the tiny defenceless village
of Nsoko and has brought the villagers to their knees. So far 150 people have been reported dead
and 100 heads of cattle as well. Here in London a concert has been organised to alleviate these tragic
victims. There-
Ted: (turning down the volume of the TV completely) The situation is even direr than we assumed.
Where are all the good intentioned people of the world? (Calling loudly) Ethel! Ethel this is
important! (Sound of water running in a bathroom) Oh, she’s gone to take a shower. Good heavens,
even watching the news is exhausting these days (slumping exasperatedly in the couch)!

ACT THREE

Scene 1

In Nsoko, Brother James and a team of fully armed men take the stage. They bring with them solar
powered snake guns, clothes, shoes and food. The missionaries have also brought money to aid the
locals in their fight against the snakes. Brother James and his people walk onto the stage and sit in
the large compound with Thandwa, Ngwane, Lethabo and other village elders, who are already
huddled together on stage and talking quietly at the start of the scene.

Thandwa: (the murmurs begin to die when he starts talking) Welcome, brothers and sisters.
Welcome indeed! We cannot express duly our gratitude for the help you are so willing to provide.
London is not very near; you have come from a far place to help us. We have been trying to fight the
snakes and we will continue trying. We decided a few weeks ago that we would not wait for the
government to come to our aid; we’ve been working endlessly since. Thank you for coming, and with
so many things! Your help will make our efforts even more effective.

Brother James: Thank you for your kind words Mr Thandwa, thank you for welcoming us. I am
Brother James Dally, the head of this delegation. I have come with a team of ten from my church in
North London but some of our team members are still in London and will be joining us soon. We
have come to join in the fight against this epidemic. We are ready to work with you to ensure that
you will once again be a community free of snakes.

Ngwane: (flashing the Brother his brightest smile) And with your help that will definitely be sooner
than we anticipated.

Brother James: (returning Ngwane’s smile) We have brought a few things here that can help
strengthen the fight against these vipers. We have solar powered guns; can you bring them over
here, Ethel?

Ethel rushes to the side of the procession where the church’s equipment is piled and brings a gun to
Brother James, who examines it carefully before passing it to Thandwa, who stares at it in wonder
and passes it to the elder next to him, and the cycle continues until every elder has touched the gun.

Brother James: (while the gun is still being passed around) These guns convert the sun’s power to
electricity and use that electricity to electrocute and kill snakes. (Gesturing at the pile of things to
the side of the elders, which they all immediately turn to look at, marvelling at the fancy objects) We
have brought clothes and shoes as well, and money to help in our work around the village. We will
make sure that the snakes are eradicated.

Ngwane: Your efforts are appreciated Brother James, but as you must be able to see, we are not the
most wealthy community (laughs and many of the other elders join). All around us are huts. (Waving
his arms in gesticulation) We stay in those small shelters, so we might not be able to safely keep the
things you are giving us before they are put to proper use. I suggest that we work together to
construct a storage building and maybe an office to keep these gifts.

Thandwa: I don’t know why that never crossed my mind; it’s an amazing idea! (Bitterly) There are
boys in our area nowadays with long fingers. All these nice things could disappear within a day.
Brother James: Then we will definitely construct a storage building. But what about the money?
How do we keep it safe? (Turning to face Thandwa) Maybe you can keep the money, and
redistribute it to those that will need it Thandwa?

Lethabo: He is our Local Council Chief; definitely the man for the job.

Ngwane: I am only afraid for his hut. The old man’s hut is really in a bad shape. We might need to
build him a small, permanent house. Not as big as Lethabo’s of course, but one that doesn’t leak,
and can stand a storm, if ever it needs to.

Thandwa: (defensively) My house stopped leaking. I have just finished re-thatching.

Brother James: (grinning at Thandwa) Well, I see Mr Ngwane’s point; we are going to have to build
you something small and slightly stronger, since you’ll be keeping the money. I can have the cash
brought to us right away. (Long pause) Now, brothers, let’s drive back to the city with these things
and return with only those we will need for our time here as we progress with the construction of
the storage building and Mr Thandwa’s house. We’ll move everything else here after those two
projects are complete. Meanwhile, we request that you distribute the solar guns so that the snake
hunt can start. We’ll stay for two weeks and oversee the constructions and this war against the
snakes.

Members of Brother James’ team take photos as he talks.

Ngwane: Thank you, white brothers and sisters. Will our Local Council Chief be willing to give us a
small piece of land from his large property so that we have a place to construct the storage building?

Thandwa: I have no problem with providing the land.

Brother James: Thank you.

Ngwane: (patting Thandwa’s shoulder fondly) Thank you, my brother. I knew you would not
disappoint us. (Turning to Brother James and his team) You are very good people, even our
government to which we pay taxes has failed to show up and help, and you are here! (Smiling
widely) Thank you so much. I have, unfortunately, just now considered another issue; our nearest
hospital is 35 miles away from the village, so injured people could die before they even make it to
the medical facility. Is there any way you could build us a hospital?

Thandwa: Well said, my brother.

Ngwane: We need your help Brother James.

Brother James: (to his team) Is anyone writing this down? I actually haven’t seen a health centre
anywhere near here. Yes, I think we passed a hospital many miles back, right? (Ethel Brown and
several other members of the team nod in agreement)

Ngwane: It is 35 miles away, my brother. We have almost been ignored.

Brother James: The idea is profound, Mr Ngwane. Yes, I think we will help. We’ll build a medical
facility. (Brief pause, then addressing his team) Let’s have the guns distributed. (Turning to Thandwa
and gesturing to him to lead the way) Mr Thandwa, you said you would guide us through the bush so
that we can test the solar guns and show you how to use them? I hope that at least every three
homes in each neighbourhood can have a gun. We should able to send you some more when we get
back to London.
Thandwa: (beginning to walk ahead of everyone else) Yes, Brother James, we can start moving
through the bush. Everyone with a gun, come on, let’s lead the way.

They walk off the stage.

Scene 2

The Browns talk over a lovely dinner at their dining table.

Ted: (pausing with his fork in the air) Since your intervention, the snake situation is improving. The
news yesterday said that the situation was getting back to normal.

Ethel: The last reports I got said about five people and seven animals died every day last week. It’s
an astounding improvement from the 20 people that were dying every day.

Ted: That was a serious epidemic! How long has it been since you were there? Two weeks?

Ethel: Uh, no, it’s been a month. But I feel good about our intervention. We should be doing this sort
of thing a lot more. I’ve been looking hoping for news like this since we left Eswatini. We are sending
them more protection and maybe building them a hospital as well.

Ted helps himself to more stew from the dish.

Ted: You know, your trip was really worthwhile. I keep telling my colleagues at the consulate that we
need to be more helpful to small nations. Even Jesus says rich people are the poor’s protectors. If
the rich abandon the poor, God abandons the rich.

Ethel: (Laughing) Yes Brother Ted!

The couple laughs for a few more seconds and then Ethel stands up and starts to clear the table.

Ethel: (now wiping the table down) I’ve heard that our government is also putting some money
together to be sent to the government of Sahara.

Ted: I think it might be better to work directly with the community and have that money given to the
individuals in need, not to government thieves. (Also getting up and beginning to leave) Eswatini has
a long history of money laundering.

Ethel: And that’s why Brother James had us actually visit the village and help the people out.

The couple exit the stage together dinner dishes in their hands.

Scene 3

It’s early morning and Ngwane and his friend Thandwa chat under a tree at the chairman’s home.
They are having tea as they talk.

Thandwa: (exhausted tone) At least now we can breathe; we can go to bed and catch some sleep.
There are fewer snakes nowadays. We used to hear stories that whites have great magic. Now, I
know it to be true, for I have seen it with my own eyes.

Ngwane: Did you see how their guns work? They could make a viper impotent with just one shot!
(Murmuring) I have heard that only two snakes were killed in the last two weeks! Is that the case? I
have not been following closely; been busy finishing my small house; there was a little money left
over from the gifts. I guess the saying that man eats where he works, isn’t as far-fetched as it may
seem.
Thandwa: Well, I have heard one death reported in the last month. Two months since our white
friends were here, and the village has moved on; we are living like kings! A lot has changed.

Ngwane: I think all the snakes were killed. The remnants must be very few indeed.

Thandwa: But at least we now have a hospital and a village storage building. The hospital will be
completed very soon. It’s even more than the ending we had hoped for.

A young educated man runs onto the stage waving a newspaper in his hand.

Thandwa: What has happened? You are running like you have seen a ghost! What is it?

Ngwane: (laughing and then addressing the visitor) Yes, educated man, ignore our old chairman.
What is in the paper today?

Educated man: (waving the paper enthusiastically) You are in a story here!

Ngwane: Who? Me?

Educated man: Both of you!

Ngwane: Really?

Educated man: There is a story here about the snake epidemic that we have just survived. They
applauded you two for your good cooperation, saying you were very helpful to our white friends.

Thandwa: When did you get this paper?

Educated man: Today! You remember the white man that was bitten by the adder, down at the
well? He died, even after we thought he had recovered fully. Even his white friends thought he had
recovered.

Thandwa: Poor man!

Educated man: He was honoured as a hero yesterday. See what they wrote here? (Flipping the
pages of the newspaper and showing a page to Ngwane and Thandwa)

Thandwa: (pushing the paper back to the man) Read it to us, young man. We are a pair old, illiterate
idiots.

Educated man: “…we will remember him as one of our brave men and women who died serving
humanity in the forgotten corners of the world. John McDonald joins those who have fought hard to
protect our great empire, and spread civilisation across the globe…he will remain an inspiration and
a hero of our time.” This was the Mayor of London speaking at the burial ceremony. And your names
are mentioned as the men who worked hard to end the epidemic.

Thandwa: Where are our names?

Educated man: See the pictures? (The men crane their necks to see the paper better)

Ngwane: (still staring at the newspaper in awe) It must have been a big function. There’s even a
band! They look so fancy! Thank you brother, you were not educated for nothing. You have brought
us great news. Where did you get this newspaper?

Educated man: From my father’s brother, the one who lives in the city, and as I read, I saw your
names and your faces. I’d better take his paper back to him; he could be leaving anytime soon.
The young man runs off the stage.

Ngwane: (shouting at the educated man) Tell your Uncle we say hello! How can we get a copy of this
paper to show to the other elders? We are bigger than we ever anticipated. We are in the papers!

Thandwa: We have changed, not like foolish dried saliva, which leaves the inside of the mouth and
pastes itself on the cheek; it will never taste the grape! We are big!

Ngwane: The things that are happening nowadays remind me of the days when we were herders.
Our grandfathers rightly said: the tears of a cow are the joy of a dog. So quickly, our society has been
transformed on the back of a crisis!

Thandwa: Because of the snakes!

Ngwane: Yes.

Thandwa: (laughing) What you are saying is true. Our elders were right. The tears of a cow are a
man’s joy: he eats meat every time a cow dies.

Ngwane: (talking excitedly) My brother, we need to keep these calamities going. Sometimes, as we
have seen, they are good calamities. Life-improving calamities.

Thandwa: (throws Ngwane a particularly suspicious look) What are you saying my friend! Calamities
are calamities!

Ngwane: (exasperated) Did your eyes get eaten by jiggers Thandwa? Look, you are not the same;
two months ago, you only had a hut, now, you compete with the man at the end of the village, Mr
Lethabo. You have a house that people can really call a house.

Thandwa: (laughing) Never say that openly; we risk the people’s hate.

Ngwane: My brother, don’t you realise that this was a good tragedy? It has built you a house. We
have a strong storage building in the village. So many people now ride bicycles that were bought for
them to facilitate the snake hunt.

Thandwa: (shushing hurriedly and looking around nervously) talk softly Ngwane, the wind could
carry your words to my wife. (Leaning in to whisper conspiratorially) Now that I think about it, you
have said it correctly; I was looking at my first wife’s lads yesterday as they went to fetch water; all
of them wore those big shoes. I had only these ugly slippers; terrible, terrible things. I now have real
shoes!

They burst out laughing.

Ngwane: Another thing; as more of our people have died, I have noticed a general aura of happiness
among those still living. You know what our fathers would say: nations are built on dead bodies.
(After a long enough pause) Snakes have built us prosperity.

Thandwa: (looking at Ngwane in shock and deciding to ignore him) Let us go into the house, old
man. (They stand) Your mouth is turning sweet with bad words; and when a man is eating, he must
not talk, otherwise he gets choked!

The men begin to walk slowly.

Ngwane: (after a long pause in which both men appear to be thinking deeply) I have heard that there
are no beggars in America and England, no poor people like there are here. But do you think it has
always been that way?

Thandwa: It hasn’t? What happened to them then?

Ngwane: (as if explaining something to a blubbering toddler) They were killed! To end poverty, we
must kill all the beggars and the poor people; that is the way.

Thandwa: Those people must be heartless!

Ngwane: But they are better off (shrugging non-chalantly), and they are kind! Don’t tell me you
didn’t see that? But I have told you how they managed their start. My eyes are like those of a
marabou stork; they see further.

Thandwa: (pausing and bending over with laughter) You God blessed braggart! Who told you that?

Ngwane: You saw how I wooed our white friends into building us a health centre? (Thandwa laughs
even more) Let me enlighten you: you can even run for higher office. Your winning claim to the
people would be that you helped them build a hospital when you were only a Local Council chief,
imagine all the things they could have if they gave you more power!

Thandwa: (laughing) You can’t be serious.

Ngwane: (getting slightly agitated and pausing) I am! Think about it, if this snake epidemic went on
for one more month, our area would already even have a road

Thandwa: I hope all this wealth hasn’t gone to your head. (Thinking carefully about what to say,
speaking slowly) Did you see the man that died from drinking by the way? Money! These white
brothers brought us money. And men will always die because of money.

Ngwane: Our men are enjoying women and waragi now, and those things kill if they are taken
without control. Even men at a recent burial enjoyed the potent stuff like they would not live to see
the next day!

Thandwa: (laughing) I was there! But you controlled yourself so well that day. Have you seen the old
man at the corner take on a second wife? Eh, money marry; money marry! Just like that.

Ngwane: That fellow was in charge of all the bicycles. I heard he sold one or two in the neighbouring
villages and now all of a sudden he has another wife. You still don’t think running for a bigger
position is wise?

Thandwa: I need time to think about it properly.

Ngwane: I really think it is something you need to look into to drive our community and yourself
forward. Men never rest their heads until they reach their graves.

Thandwa: (hesitant) But now that the snakes are all gone, will the money keep coming?

Ngwane doesn’t reply and the two men walk off the stage.

Inside the house, seated.

Ngwane: (pleased that Thandwa has finally understood something) You’ve finally touched my next
point. We need to ensure that our friends in London keep coming to our aid; clearly they enjoy
saving the world, you saw them in the young man’s newspaper.
Thandwa: (leaning in) So what do you propose?

Ngwane: (glancing nervously around the room) First go and see if your wife will be coming in any
time soon.

Thandwa hurries to the wings and peers around for a bit, still a few steps away from being
completely off-stage.

Thandwa: (Walking back to his seat) I don’t know what mischief is boiling in your head old man, but
my wife is busy with her cooking. She won’t be coming into the house any time soon. (finally settling
down again)

Ngwane: (After a long pause, waving his arms around) These people built you a nice house!

Thandwa: (looking puzzled) They did indeed.

Ngwane: These people brought you new clothes!

Thandwa: You are right.

Ngwane: These people have even enabled you to find a concubine. (Smiling mischievously) I know
that woman you started chewing the other day.

Thandwa: (looking around nervously) Speak softly old man. (Sheepishly) But you are right.

Ngwane: (after a long pause) Here is my proposition: a chameleon will never die on one skin; when
the surroundings change, it does the same. We need to be like that small animal.

Thandwa: What are you saying Ngwane?

Ngwane: (Exasperated) Let me give you one more piece of wisdom, my brother. Our grandparents
said, when a ripe anthill moves its eyes from one side to the other, a smart harvester moves the trap
as well. We need to move the baskets.

Thandwa: (Frustrated) What do you mean Ngwane? Stop beating around the bush!

Ngwane: Snakes brought us wealth.

Thandwa: Yes.

Ngwane: (long pause, Thandwa leans in with anticipation) Why don’t we start a snake farm?

Thandwa: (slowly, still processing) Let me repeat this so I’m sure I’ve heard correctly: Snake
Farmers? Are you mad?

Ngwane: You still haven’t understood it.

Sound of knuckles rapping on a door. Thandwa’s wife walks onto the stage.

Wife: My husband, we have a visitor.

Thandwa: Let him in. This is the people’s home. If a chairman doesn’t welcome visitors, then he’s
not worth the title. I am here.

Thandwa’s wife hurries off the stage to fetch the guest, who walks onto the stage the minute the
wife disappears into the wings.

Visitor: Elders, I’m grateful to be able to meet the two of you.

Thandwa’s: (shaking the visitor’s hand) Yes, welcome to my home. (Addressing his wife and pulling a
chair up for the guest simultaneously) The visitor needs to drink some water. (Turning to the guest
after they’ve both settled comfortably into their seats) Are you not Tito, my friend’s son who got
himself a wife last year?

Visitor: (glad to recognised) Yes, I am Tito. I have come to report Mugo. I found my wife singing
under Mugo, (pauses) “Bicycles”- that is what they call him nowadays! His neighbour tipped me off,
and I’ve always warned him against it.

Ngwane: Yet, you are the only one with a volume switch! (Laughs loudly)

Thandwa: Stop it, old man. (Hitting Ngwane playfully but clearly struggling to hold his own mirth
back) This is something serious. Men have killed others for this very reason. Speak, my visitor. Just
ignore that old man. Isn’t Mugo the fellow we entrusted with the bicycles?

Visitor: Yes, Mr Mugo distributed the bicycles during the time of the snake epidemic. He stole some
of the bicycles and now he thinks he can steal our wives!

Ngwane: (unnecessarily dramatic) Chairman, we will have to arrest Mugo! Tito is such a kind-
hearted fellow; he could have killed that adulterous hound!

Thandwa: As many other men prefer to do in such situations. (Turning to Ngwane) Now my friend;
let us later pick our conversation up later. I have to go and settle this.

Ngwane: (Standing up to leave and giving Thandwa a pointed look) Think about what I’ve told you.

Thandwa: Yes, I’m with you.

Ngwane leaves the stage.

Thandwa: Now Tito, I know money has changed many things in our village, but I will not let you
down. Thank you for coming. Let me prepare myself and join you at your home.

Visitor: All right, chairman.

Tito leaves the stage, followed shortly by Thandwa.

Scene 4

The Browns are having a conversation over some snacks in their sitting room as the TV runs quietly in
the background.

Ethel: (smiling widely) We received official communication from the Eswatini government
appreciating us for our work during the epidemic at church today.

Ted: So has the epidemic ended?

Ethel: Yes, almost. The number of snake deaths being reported has decreased tremendously. And
you know what? I think the hospital is a great idea. I’m going to ensure that we finish construction,
fully.

Ted: The concert helped a lot as well, you know. There’s one latecomer to the party, though. I got an
email at the office today; a friend told me that our government donated 300 million pounds to the
Eswatini government.
Ethel: That’s a lot of money! Can they be trusted to use it effectively?

Ted: Well our government provided very strict instructions on how the money should be used. I
hope they will abide this time, although it has generally been lost in corruption over the years.
We’ve been helping these countries since the Second World War and they still haven’t transformed.

Ethel: You know, when I was in Eswatini, the villages looked like they’d never received any help. We
need to give them more. (Long pause) Are you still enjoying your golf? (Picking the remote up) It’s
news time. Can I change the channel?

Ted: Yeah, sure.

Ethel: Hey, I haven’t seen Leona Davies on the news for quite a while. I thought she’d been replaced.

Ted: I think she has been on TV more than ten years, they wouldn’t let her go so easy.

Ethel: (Pressing the remote buttons) Today’s focus is on Africa. I’ve been watching this thing for the
last two weeks; our snake village is not in the news anymore! (Standing up in excitement) There are
no more snakes! There has been no news on them for almost a month.

Ted: So you guys did it! (Standing up and hugging his wife) Congratulations! We did it! We did it and
we’ll do it again.

Scene 5

Thandwa and Ngwane meet again in Ngwane’s sitting room at night. Remnants of their meal litter
the small sitting room table- used plates, bowls and cutlery, napkins, glasses, jugs etc.

Thandwa: Your wife’s sorghum the most amazing. Were I not old, I would have stolen her from you
(laughs).

Ngwane: And now that you have acquired some wealth, you can move mountains! (The two men
laugh together) Will you not be frightened walking back to your home in darkness? Your bones have
become so fearful, like those of a middle-aged woman.

Thandwa: Not so much, and after acquiring these soldier-boots from our white friends (throwing his
leg in the air proudly), I walk without fear.

Ngwane: Now, about our arrangements. I have moved rather quickly. I have visited the site where
we should start the farm.

Thandwa: (looking around nervously) Are your children all asleep?

Ngwane: Don’t mind them; I know these things we are discussing are not like hot stones; they can
burn a mouth before they are swallowed. I am in control.

Thandwa: Snakes are poisonous things! Running this farm might be the last thing we ever do.

Ngwane: (exasperated) My father was a snake hunter; you forget so quickly. He learned the practice
from his great grandfathers. Although I do not have the herbs he used to treat snake poison, I can
take the snakes them and release them at will.

Thandwa: (frustrated) But our people!

Ngwane: I have told you how those white men developed. Nations are built on dead bodies, and so
is prosperity. The richest men in the city are those who take risks; they make the hard decisions. And
here we have an assured stream. Why don’t we drink to our fill?

Thandwa: (Hesitant) Okay, okay. I will support you. But how do we start?

Ngwane: (leaning in conspiratorially) I know an old woman two villages away. She was coming to
help when we were first struck by the epidemic; when the white people came she abandoned the
trip, but she knows all the medicines we can use to guard our families.

Thandwa: (clearly warming to the idea) You mean we have the protective medicines?

Ngwane: That is sorted. But are you starting to see my point? (Looks at Thandwa expectantly and
when he receives only confused looks, he continues exasperatedly) The end of the snakes is the
return of poverty! Did you have any white friends before the snakes came?

Thandwa: No.

Ngwane: You cannot even imagine how many you will have when epidemic strikes again and with no
end. You are already even in the papers!

Thandwa: So where do we start? We cannot start these farms near our homes; our children and
animals may be caught up in the crossfire!

Ngwane: I had already thought about that; I have a very big forest at the other end of the village. I
often refuse villagers to tinker with it when they are collecting firewood.

Thandwa: But part of it was burnt, isn’t that so?

Ngwane: Thandwa, you don’t know how much wealth our fathers left us; that forest you see there is
as large as the Ngwane desert. And all of it is my land. We will go into its belly, hide our farm there,
and the epidemic will be back. Snakes take four months to mature and start hunting on their own.

Thandwa: You never run out of ideas, you old man. It never occurred to me that that grey head
holds such great wisdom. (Voice shaking with excitement) I’m starting to believe that we can do it.
It’s becoming clearer in my mind’s eye; I’m sure by the time the second election comes around, I’ll
be an epidemic control hero.

Ngwane: (smiling widely) Tomorrow I will be making the trip to see that old woman I told you about.
I don’t know how long I’ll be there, but you can be sure that I will return with those protective herbs.
We need to decide what will happen when I return.

Thandwa: (patting his friend on the shoulder proudly) You are such a fast-moving man!

Ngwane: Now listen my brother. It’s very important that we keep this plan between the two of us.
We are the chiefs.

Thandwa: I know. Not even my bride will know of this.

They shake hands.

Ngwane: What do you say about investing some of the money you have left over from the projects
in our business? We could buy some logs, and other things the snakes will need as they grow. We’ll
be visiting the forest in the night to let a few of them free when they’ve matured fully.

Thandwa: I think it’s a good plan. I’ll have the logs ready before you return.
Ngwane: (standing up) I think we’d better go and sleep then.

Thandwa: Yes, I’m really tired. It should be about midnight, the right time for making children
(laughs)

Ngwane: Where did you learn to talk like that? (More laughter)

Thandwa: I also have women, my friend. (Standing up and preparing to leave) If you find me some
light I’ll be out of your hair soon. My bride must be turning in her bed.

Ngwane picks up a lamp from the table and walks his friend to the wings.

Scene 6

The Browns are on the couch in their living room. Ted has his arm comfortably around Ethel, who is
concentrating hard on something on her phone.

Ted: You never told me how church went yesterday by the way.

Ethel: (looking up from her phone) Oh Brother James reported that the money was used effectively;
the health centre has started serving the community.

Ted: How long ago was the first visit? Six, eight months ago? At least those people are safe now.
They can go about their business without having to negotiate with cobras and vipers.

Ethel: Everything is just right.

Ted: Tell me something; did The Daft Londoners finally hold their concert in Eswatini?

Ethel: Not yet. They have a couple of shows to do here before they can make that trip. But they
promise the concert will happen (shrugs and returns to her phone).

Ted: (after a pause) But what would the show be for now that the snake problem has been solved?

Ethel: (closing the phone and turning her full attention to Ted) Look Ted, Eswatini has many
problems; famine, disease, natural disasters, coups, genocides, you name it. Even without the
snakes, they need loads of help.

Ted: But their leaders are pathetic people! (Checking his watch and grabbing the remote to turn on
the TV) Let’s watch this evening’s broadcast before we leave for dinner. The place we went to last
time was lovely. What was the name again?

Ethel: I think it was “Eswatini Chef’s Pride”? They had the most amazing African food I’ve ever
tasted.

The couple turns to the TV.

BNN news bells.

Leona Davies: Good evening, and welcome to today’s seven o’clock news coming to you live from
our BNN studios in London. Today’s headlines: No end to the Eswatini snakes! Close to eight months
after a snake epidemic in a small village in Eswatini was eradicated, the snakes return! (Pause) South
Africa sends its first group of astronauts to the moon. The spacecraft launched at exactly fourteen
hours Johannesburg time yesterday. In other news, a Haitian athlete wins his country their very first
gold medal. We bring you these stories and more in today’s edition.
News bells go off and Leona Davies, in a more relaxed tone, reads the news in detail.

Leona Davies: Ten people in southern Eswatini, most of them children, have been reported dead
from snakebites. This is the second time this year that the snakes have struck Eswatini, one of the
most impoverished countries in Africa. Earlier this year, aid from concerned groups here in Britain
and the United States seemed to have conquered the snakes, but they have returned with a
vengeance. Let’s turn to our correspondent Peter Stokes, who reported on this very epidemic the
first time it struck and-

Ethel turns the volume down and stares at her husband, who stares back, speechless.

Ted: This cannot be happening again.

Ethel: (jumping up from the couch and pacing around the room, tapping her phone to make calls) I
need to call Brother James right away!

The curtain closes on a frozen Ted and a restless Ethel, still making calls.

THE END