Frederick P.

Book
PREL 100-01
Human Relations Position Paper
Fall 2019

Introduction

This being my first college class since 1997, I though I was ready for anything.

So, when I was presented with the project of “…tell me about who you are in 15 pages

or less”, I though “I knew it was coming, the collegiate “touchy-feely” crap I’ve heard so

much about”. Then as I dug into the syllabus, I found deeper questions than I had

expected. My expectations began to change.

The next time the paper comes up in class, I’m told that “The Person I Am

Today” will constitute most of my paper. I mean, I know who I am, but 5-7 pages telling

you “The Person I Am Today,” that seemed a little ridiculous. That is, until I started

typing.

Section A: The Person I Am Today

In my day-to-day life, I know people have an affecteffect on me, but to what

degree is in a constant state offor flux. I believe as I’ve matured, the influence of others

on the “big” decisions of my life have decreased drastically. Besides my wife, I only told

my family in the broadest terms what a medical retirement would entail, because my

mind was set and listening to my family’s ideas of what I should do with all my “free

time” was just more than I could bare. In the mundane things of life;, like how I dress

and how I present myself, these things are completely situational and are greatly

affected by the people around me. . I try to present myself in a manner I can look back
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on and not be embarrassed, that’s what the first attempt at collage taught me. I was the

perfect blend of early 90’s grunge and the eternal slacker.

I am less influenced by what others say, and almost uninterested by what others

do, whether that be buying the newest car or joining the best gym in town. I’ve never

been someone to follows the crowd because something was the “cool” thing to do. I

have the unique distinction of being a second-generation Drum Major, as a case in

point. Not the most “hip” thing for a high school boy to do. Especially with those arm

tassels on that custom corduroy uniform jacket.

I think a healthy balance between one’s self-identity and the influence of others

on them strongly depends on their stage of life. I give the example of a 10-year-old who

“…knows exactly who they are” and a thirty-something who needs to know what

everyone else is wearing so he won’t look out of place. In less elegant terms, a 10-year-

old bound for many long hours in the detention room for talking back, when he was just

expressing his “well developed” sense of self. The thirty-something would appear

exactly the opposite of what he was trying for, a spineless “yes-man”. My 23years and

10 months of military service, I’ve seen this conflict in all extremes. Soldiers who joined

expecting the Army’s Influence to build their self-identity, and the opposite, Soldiers who

try to influence everyone around them. The most successful Soldiers are a healthy

blend of self-confidence and the desire to work as a team and learn from those around

them.

My outlook on life is generally positive. I’ve done more than I once believed I

could accomplish. I’ve been married for over 20 years, have a great house, and

(mostly) raised three pretty great kids. . By modern metrics, I’m in the group of

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successful, productive adults. Here’s where my soul searching goes a little off, I think

there is more to do. My desire is to take the things I have been blessed with and serve

others. I want to do the things most people “don’t have time to do.” Serve food to

disaster victims, set up a computer lab for a school, help a church install a sound

system, whatever needs done. I’ve determined all this because I’ve been given an

opportunity, that’s how I choose to see my early retirement. It’s my time to pay it

forward.

I strive to be a positive roll model for not only my children, but also those I meet

in my everyday life. Simple things like holding a door or excusing myself when I bump

into someone in the hall way. People around me are kind and seem to appreciate the

common curtesy I attempt to show them. When I meet someone new, I begin with an

open mind, neither looking for good or the bad, just learning about the persona they are

offering to me. If the persona is hostile or closed off, I will allow the person to have the

space they’re requesting with their actions. Other times, the persona is open and

receptive to conversation and familiarity. That’s when I can be the real me. Talking

about relatable stories, connecting over shared experiences or enjoying idle talk, just for

the sake of personal interaction.

I excel in the group dynamic. When I first enter a group, I look for the leader, not

because a power issue, but I’m convinced that all groups have an internal structure, or it

will not act as a group for long. I learned this at a Boy Scout training called “Browsea” in

the summer of 1987. The first activity was setting up camp. The staff councilor would

take the scouts to a campsite where the staff would have pre-positioned the supplies

the scouts needed for the camp, and that’s it. The councilor would just sit off to the side

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of the area and wait. The idea was either a leader would emerge or a re-imagining of

Lord of the Flies[ CITATION Gol54 \l 1033 ] would ensue. I broke the “leaderless

experience.” As soon as the councilor started to wonder off, I asked “Does anyone have

experience with this style of tent?” In that one question I was the de facto leader. The

next summer, I was a counselor.

My world view, or outlook on life, is based on my spiritual convictions. Put simply,

I am to “…love your neighbor as myself” (Mark 12:31). Using this as a constant mantra,

I address everyone with love first. When I’m confronted with an overtly negative

response, my personal biases show their ugly head.

When the road of life brings someone alongside me, I pay special attention. Of

the hundreds, if not thousands, of people I’ve had contact with in my 45 years, there are

a few that left more defined impressions on me. Of course, my 20+ year partner in life,

Jill, I give much credit to for my happiness and fulfillment today. The other significant

people in my life I think of as my role models, mostly men that had to make the stands

for their beliefs. I am an observational learner. If a subject is complex, especially

interpersonal, observing someone else managing the situation is the surest way for me

to handle that situation better.

Maintaining a relationship is two-person job. Both people need to invest their time

and energy. Time spent listening to the other person’s concerns. Energy spent holding

the other person up when they don’t feel they can keep going on their own. In the most

successful relationships this is an even balance between the two people.

When I look for people that I want to share the road with, I want someone with

the ability to share, and listen. Someone who will hear my concerns or worries about my

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life and holds me accountable. I think of someone that when I say, “I had this thought…”

they don’t run or try to change the subject but are willing to debate the merit of the idea,

no matter how off the wall.

Earlier I talked about my ugly little friend, my bias. Yeah, I’ve identified him, his

name is intolerance. To be more precise, my bias is intolerance. This may seem counter

intuitive, but when someone flaunts prejudice, my heart demands a response. My PTSD

counselor told me that this is my “programmed” response. I have physiological

responses, heart rate, blood pressure, and respirations all go up. I guess this is the fight

or flight instinct. My most closely held values revolve around justice. I look around at the

ugliness in the world, from the issues over race, to the threat of tyranny, we need to rely

on each other more, and put away that accusatory finger. Clarified and prioritized? Yes,

I daily look at my environment and ask, what do I need to do right NOW to make the

world a better place.

‘ My frustration coping mechanisms depend on the subject that is frustrating me. If

it’s a physical frustration, for example working on my car, I simply try another angle,

maybe walk away and re-start. Simple frustrations, simple solutions. Dealing with 40+

middle schoolers ignoring me, as the bus driver, walking away to reestablish my

composure is not an option. My military mind says to call attention to the issue (yell) and

explain the repercussions (and threaten). This is not a process that seems to work with

the students. The most effective strategy I’ve found is, of course, complicated, but

effective. I attempt to harness the most abundant power middle schoolers have, peer

pressure. Simply put, instead of singling out one troublemaker, there is normally 2 or

more individuals causing problems. I choose the troublemaker that the others look up

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to, move them, normally to the nearest seat to me. I then attempt to open a dialog. Most

people don’t’ think peer pressure as positive, but it can be. My work life, currently only a

part time bus driver, has offered opportunities for creative problem solving, and dealing,

positively, with frustrations.

When I attempt to communicate an idea, I focus of the desired result. Charlie

Shaw, a longtime friend and an officer I served under while in Iraq. His repeated line

was BLUF. At first, coming from a family of card players, I thought he was saying lie if

you need to just keep talking. Upon further explanation, BLUF stands for Bottom Line

Up Front. So literally, start the presentation with the conclusion. He would then, of

course, follow up the introduction/ conclusion with 157 reasons why this is a great idea.

This style has merit in everyday communications, e-mails I send normally have the

request or final idea as the subject, this especially saves time when searching for an

email. Because I know I have adult ADD, and from the age of 13, I was taught to

anticipate what other people are going to say. It occupies my mind and helps me focus

on the speaker’s words. Now that I am an adult my focus has shifted to their nonverbal

communications. This includes their implications as well, what are they NOT saying,

extremely helpful in the political environment I recently retired from.

My most positive strengths are “the dog I feed” (Sitting Bull). I can testify that

when I focus on my health it improves. When I focus on my courtesy, it improves.

Transversely, if I focus on negativity, I get more negative. What I spend the most time

on is my consideration of my wife. I love Jill, I know I will spend every moment with her I

can. Therefore, my most positive strength is my devotion.

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The most touching compliment was from a good family friend, Kim Parrish. She

said, “I can truly see how much he loves you.” (Speaking to Jill). That is what I want

people to see in me, the capacity to love, fully and completely. Through my service, or

through my work, I want people to say I’m devoted. The people closest to me know my

tendencies to disorder. I know I am sloppy. My tendencies to disorder will be hard to be

made into a strength. I imagine applying my persistence I’ve developed having to

search for things I need in my mess around me.

Section B Where Am I Going With My Life

I am a semi-retired 45-year-old college freshman, the question of the direction

my life is taking is somewhat an answered question. So, as I proceed with this section, I

will draw from my experience heavily, and only speculate as to the future. I’ve had my

desired career. Serving as a soldier was an honor, a privilege and exactly what I

needed to do to know myself. I always had a negative opinion of my skill set. I think my

upbringing was to blame for that. I heard nothing but how hopeless I was going to be as

an adult. I’ve proven in my adult life I had the skills and competence I needed. My drive,

on the other hand, not what many people thought I needed to succeed. My easy-going

temperament was a challenge for those around me. They saw me as lazy and

unmotivated. When I was able to balance my personality and the functions needed of

me, I thrived in that environment. In 2015, my unit was going to a maintenance

proficiency validation at the Sustainment Training Center, Camp Dodge, Iowa. The

biggest part of the evaluation is a unit’s Maintenance Management capabilities, which is

over seen by a Maintenance Control Sergeant. Our problem was our MCNCO had just

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been promoted, and we didn’t have a replacement yet. I wanted the opportunity to take

charge, I knew I could do it. It was a perfect match. From 0700 to 1630, I was in charge.

Yes, I had a lieutenant who oversaw the operation, but functionally, I directed the

workflow. “Now for some reason I fit in the army like one of them round pegs” (Forrest

Gump. Hollywood, CA: Paramount Pictures, 2001) I am proud of my nearly 24 years of

service.

Here is where I must speculate. I have very little interest in pursuing a new

career. My retirement is enough for me to live on with only a part time job. That said, If I

decided to embark on a new career, I would bring not only bring experience and loyalty,

but the problem-solving skills acquired working in an underfunded and poorly supplied

environment. I, of course, would tell them about myself, starting with my family. Even

though I’ve missed four of my daughter’s 18 birthdays, I put my family’s wellbeing first in

my priority list. If an employer couldn’t understand that, it’s not an employer I could work

for. Next, I would tell the employer about my experience from my Army life, and my

federal employee career. The question of “why should I hire you?” is an opportunity for

the potential employee to re state his “best” characteristics. I think I would have to

respond, “From being a loyal husband and employee, I think my dedication will speak

for itself.”

I expect to experience fair and reasonably compensated employment from any

job or career I pursue. I think the most realistic expectations should be discussed in any

interview. My ideal job would not be work, that is, I should be fulfilled from the job I

perform. In today’s world this might sound like a pipe dream, and others might say find

fulfillment wherever you find yourself, or in the words of The Isley Brothers “Love the

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one you're with.” I believe that the earnest, career minded person looks at the short- and

long-term dividends of a job. In my mind when I think of a career, this is the place where

I have a long-term investment, a place to where I want to do well for the mutual benefit

of both my employer and me. A job is simply an exchange of work for money, no

investment, no expectations of longevity.

Section C How I Will Achieve My Goals

In my five-year goals, I want to become the first person in my immediate family that gets

my Batcheler’s Degree. I am setting myself on that path by carefully selecting a degree

path that both has a future and in something that I find fulfilling. In the mid 1990’s, I was

well on my way to my Associate’s in Electronics Technology. Over the past twenty-plus

years, none of the local collages offer an option of finishing that degree. As for my

professional life, I feel I will be led to where I can best serve people around me. There is

a position I really want and hope my friend who currently resides in that position finds

his dream job.

In the ten-year plan, I see myself paying off my current house and starting to

build the house Jill and I plan on retiring in. I purchased the house and garage next door

to my current residence. The house needs to be demolished, but it is a great garage

and has plenty of room to build the small house Jill and I are occasionally designing in

our spare time.

As frightening as it is right now, in 20 years I will be of 65. The age my parents

are now. My intent is to be focused on spending time with family. I see my dad

struggling with working his part time job, as his health diminishes. In contrast, my mom

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is fully retired, content to drive a slightly older car, and divides her time between

spending time with her sisters, caring for my grandmother. My idea of 20 years from

now is focused on passing on what I have. My income will be based on what retirement

I have already earned. If along the way I procure a second retirement, great, but I’m not

dependent on making a second career.

If I were to improve an area in my life to make me happier, it would be my

organization. I am my own worst enemy when it comes to getting things done. Today,

for example, I had to dig through my bag to retrieve my last paper to do the corrections

from sections A and B. I need to be more intentional when it comes to my environment.

Give more things away, learn to say “No thank you” when someone offers me “useful”

things. I currently have 2 Direct TV dishes in my garage, my rationalization was “if they

can receive a signal from low Earth orbit, why can I use it for my HAM stuff?”

Section D How My Human Relations Skills Will Help Me

When I began this class, I had low expectations of what would be “new”

interpersonal concepts. The last 20 years of my time in the Army was more focused on

dealing with people rather than the electronics I was trained for. The concepts may be

like what skills I was instructed on while serving, but the perspective is totally different. I

think the most useful thing I’ve learned is that there is less of a generation gap than the

popular media would have us believe. The social media popularized “millennial”, as with

many stereotypes, is focused on an extreme minority. That neatly leads me to the next

point, what strengths I now posses to help me now and in the future. Tolerance, this in

not acceptance or approval, but the willingness to coexist with others with different

views and beliefs. My loyalty will be my interpersonal strength I hope people will

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remember me by. I endeavor to build my relationships on mutual respect, trust and

loyalty.

Conclusion

In conclusion, from “The Person I Am Today” to “How My Human Relations Skills

Will Help Me,” this whole paper has been as helpful of a self-examination tool as I’ve

ever done. From the time I spent in 2004, staring up at the Kuwaiti desert sky, accepting

I may never see the sky above Illinois again, to watching my oldest walk across that

stage to get her diploma, I know I am blessed to be where I am.

The value of this class will be a delayed impact. I will need time, months or years

to fully process this review of my life.

I think this last story is the best example of delayed impact. In school I met a

teacher who, when he saw you walking down the hall, would address you as ”Dr.”

“Good Morning Dr. Book” or “What did you think of the test, Dr McCleod?” This went on

until my sophomore year, when I had this teacher for English II. One day, at the end of

class, someone asked him, “Why do you refer to us as “Dr”?” to which he replied, “I

want to give you the chance to try it on, get to know how it feels. So maybe, someday,

you’ll go for it full time.” That was Mr. Randy Grigg, later the first principal of Central

A&M High School and later the superintendent. We laughed at the time, thinking he was

just a crazy teacher. In 2008, when I returned from Iraq, for the last time, I bump into

him, and how does he greet me? “Well hello, Dr. Book, it’s been a long time.”

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